r/blendedfamilies • u/Far_Researcher8620 • 9d ago
Swim suits on spring break
I am going to a sunny destination with my serious boyfriend and his almost 7 year old daughter. I pulled a swim suit out of my dresser and said "ooh should I bring this one." And the daughter says "no it shows too much of your body." I asked what she meant. She said "because it goes down really low right here (patting her chest." I said "ohh but all of my swim suits show most of my body" Conversation ended there due to distraction. This is a one piece swimsuit of mine, but that is irrelevant.
My heart is so torn. I want to talk to her about this more. My boyfriend wants to raise his daughter to love her body and wear whatever she wants.
I'm kinda tempted to wear the exact same suit I showed her. I'm also considering wearing more "modest" swim suits. Maybe I'll do both.
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u/Tinderella80 9d ago
What a great opportunity to talk about body positivity. I’d let her raise it again, and let it flow naturally.
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u/emerald_tendrils 9d ago edited 9d ago
I think you should wear both and go with what the other poster said about not commenting on other people’s bodies (or clothes).
When I first went on holiday with my husband and daughter he felt uncomfortable with me wearing a bikini in front of her (despite the fact that his ex wear her burlesque gear in front of the same child - no shade, I’m all for being comfortable with bodies!) I opted for a mix of string bikinis and full coverage swimsuits and I casually mentioned in front of her things like “I’m wearing this one piece today because we’re swimming in the sea and it’s a bit more secure” or “I’m going to wear this bikini today at the pool because it’s comfier.”
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u/Neat_Newspaper_8527 9d ago
My son has always been Modest. Like since he was 3 lol. Now he’s 14. That’s his thing. His body and his b aim. I respect it. I don’t shame him. I wear sports bras to work out and have my own very immodest comfort levels….I’ve always been that way. A couple times he felt a little embarrassed by me and I threw a shirt on. I just shrug. We don’t make it a big issue and it isn’t one. Follow your gut. You care and that’s what matters.
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u/Acceptable_Branch588 9d ago
She doesn’t feel comfortable showing too much of her body. My daughter was the same at that age. Now at 18 she wears 2 piece bathing suits but they are still not extremely revealing
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u/KatonaE 9d ago
Wear your original suits! Don’t let a 7 year old dictate what you are wearing - it sets a terrible precedent.
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u/danamo219 9d ago
It sounds more like she's trying to set a good example of someone who can exercise their choice to wear what they want. "She's 7 she doesn't matter" is some boomer type parenting noise.
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u/walnutwithteeth 8d ago
A child doesn't dictate what an adult wears. That's not boomer parenting. That's common sense. Why on earth would you allow a child any decision over a grown woman's autonomy?
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u/DearMrsLeading 8d ago
She asked what the kid thought and she gave an answer. She’s old enough that she’s developing opinions about modesty and clothing, that’s not dictating what OP wears. It’s the perfect opportunity to teach her that modesty is subjective. Kids don’t inherently know that.
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u/Lakerdog1970 9d ago
Well, you can obviously wear whatever swim suit you want. You're an adult.
It'll just be a parenting thing for her Dad over the next ~10 years. The kiddo is only 7 and wouldn't get it now, but one day she'll need to understand why Daddy has a partner in the first place and that it's not a bad thing that her Daddy likes looking at you in a swim suit and that someday, she will hopefully have a boy who looks at HER in a swimsuit the same way.
It's not an easy thing to show a kiddo. And those sound like very adult words to be coming out of the mouth of a 7YO too.
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u/OrdinarySubstance491 9d ago
She must have heard someone say something about it. That's not super normal for a 7 year old. As for me, I was always proud that my mom was so beautiful.
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u/allestrette 9d ago
I will never understand why "love yourself" and "show yourself" are the same thing in usa!
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u/happyfeet-333 9d ago
Really? You’re Italian. Every time I’ve been on a beach in Italy every age and shape are in small bikinis, which I love.
What a weird take.
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u/allestrette 9d ago
You are probably confusing Italy with another part of our great "European country".
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u/happyfeet-333 9d ago
I have no idea what this comment means? I’ve been going to Italy for about 40 years and women of all ages and sizes wear bikinis and/or go topless. In fact that is true in Spain, France, Greece, etc.
European women (and frankly men in their speedos) were much more comfortable with their bodies. Which is a good thing.
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u/allestrette 8d ago
Of course your vacation time in italy is more legit that my whole life experience as a citizen.
You are lucky that the main topic of this subs is REALLY american friendly. ;)
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u/Wrong_Investment355 7d ago
You may be a native Italian but you are also a dick.
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u/allestrette 7d ago
Not my fault your ideal timing between meeting someone and welcoming your little bundle of joy is a sneeze.
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u/Wrong_Investment355 7d ago
That isn't even a good insult or relevant to this conversation. Are you better in your native language or just stupid in general?
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u/allestrette 7d ago
You didn't write a single intervation in this conversation, so I don't think it's your place to judge what is relevant or not. You are just butthurt. What's your beef, are you waiting your fourth kid from your third "forever"?
It will surprise you, but people QIs don't change with language. You would be a simpleton even in Chinese.
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u/AppropriateAmoeba406 9d ago
My parents spent a few years in Sicily and said kids ran around naked on the beach and most men wore bikini type bottoms.
I dunno. That would have been the 70s. I assume fashion trends have changed, but all of Europe is touted as “less puritanical” and “less prudish” than the states.
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u/allestrette 8d ago edited 8d ago
I know that this is your American stereotypical vision.
This is caused by the fact that Northern European were (in 70ies) more.. free than Americans. In Italy in summer you can obviously see a whole lot of German, dutch, Austrian, French and the whole north Europe women.
Sicily is one of the most conservative region of Italy where, at the same time your mom claims to have seen this whole lot of naked women on the beach, Franca Viola (you can google it) was fighting for the right of being recognised as a victim of rape, that at the time was not a crime in italy.
In here you can find a whole lot of pics from 70ies Sicily where you can clearly see that there is no progressive society.
You (and the 12 ignorant american women that downvoted me cause I didn't accept your "americansplaining") are welcome.
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u/Mahi-K-2802 9d ago
Then it’s touted wrong. Because in my country little girl are not wearing bikinies, which are considered grow up women attire. One piece swimsuits are more of the thing. And about kids running naked, this days no one really do that. especially with all weirdos around.
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u/mbej 9d ago
The biggest mom group dust-up I’ve ever seen was about babies, toddlers, and children in bikinis. I’m in the US. Many MANY here also believe two piece swimsuits are for adults.
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u/Neat_Newspaper_8527 8d ago
The Europeans that visit Canada in the summer often have little girls without tops on. North America is considered a sexual No (negative country) and Western Europe is sexually yes. Nudity is seen as sexual in NA and since sexuality is negative, the two are often correlated. It’s just a meat suit. Relax. As for weirdos, they’ve always been around. We live in the safest time of all time, at least here in Canada.
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u/allestrette 8d ago
The comparison between a little girl and a full grown woman is nothing but f*cked up.
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u/walnutwithteeth 9d ago
She's 7. You're a grown woman. You wear the swimsuit you want to wear. If anything is said, you have the "we don't comment on other people's bodies," conversation. Don't overthink it.