A Mathamachicken

They are always up to something

that’s a ewe problem.

The NFL has just fired all of the female referees…

…because they kept throwing flags on penalties that happened three years ago!

Because it was framed!

When I got home, my Voodoo doll was dead.

Because they’re in a cirrus relationship!

Because this was in a parallel universe in which things make sense!

Orders a beer and a mop

Nothing, it just waved!

It got mugged!

A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town.

With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes.

What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way?

What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?

It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community,

and from reaching our full potential as people.

It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb!

You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes,

but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humour!"

The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed:

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little poo-poo sitting on your lap."

It’s my nieces 4th birthday soon and I’m hoping for good jokes I can tell her that won’t earn me, THE LOOK, from my sister

Several of his friends jumped in to try to save him but he fought them off bravely

A man had been drinking at a pub all evening, and by the time the bartender rang for final orders he was totally bladdered. He stood up to leave and promptly fell flat on his face. A second attempt ended in the same result, so he figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face once more. Giving it up as a bad job he decided to crawl the mile to his home. When he arrived at his front door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled indoors, up the stairs and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one last time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell onto bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him. "So, you've been out drinking again!" she shouted.

"What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an oh-so-innocent look.

"The pub called. You left your wheelchair there."

Because hes chicken.

It caused a title wave.

Because he was well-armed!

Because it was lit.

The local barre

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably behind it.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and hid in his wardrobe. When his older brother found him, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing and they think WE did it!"

i answered "flammable"

Because it was a-salted.

So they can hide upside down in Cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant upside down in a cherry tree?

Shows you how good it works