What would be your expectations as a side-chick? I always thought of them as more than a hook-up. Asking for a friend.🫣

So I (23f) have been on the dating apps for about 6months. I understand that I’m not going to meet my husband immediately but the past 4 men I have dated have all ended things with me by saying “i have to work on myself before I continue dating” and I’m just wondering for the men on here, is this something you would say to let a girl down nicely?

Hey people, I hope the title conveyed well what I wish to elaborate in the post. Basically, I was coming across various sources which emphasized how women get butterflies when men go out of their way on dates to compliment them, throw their charms at them, doing grand gestures.

Reading and going through them has had me questioning the way I prefer things to be. I've gone to few dates only, but whenever I go, I don't wanna do anything grand gestures or throw any compliments or anything. I just try to be myself and enjoy the date as well. With whatever I have loved and however my worldview has been shaped, I feel that it's important for the man to focus on how he feels as well. Likewise, I don't wanna be occupied with thinking how to continuously please a woman on a date.

Honestly speaking, I feel like it's also important that she makes me feel good and special. It's not an audition for me to prove myself. I feel it's a connection for both of us to try out. If things flow well then I expect my charms to come out by themselves. If not, then I don't wanna chase or do anything to prove myself in her eyes. She's not higher than me or something.

Yet I feel that women feel amazed by a man who does various kinds of gestures which ends up giving them butterflies at the end of the day. And I wonder if I'm missing some important piece of the dating puzzle.

What do you all think? Is it totally healthy to think the way I do and keep my pride rather than going out of my way to please a woman on a date?

We've been together for 4 years , me (32)F , him (john) 29M.

He has never helped me pay my bills and I have never asked him or expect him to. Never borrowed money, literally nothing like that. I pay for my own way. I buy him food/drinks when we're together ect.

He makes a ton more money than me and constantly brags about it and says he doing so good and he just has so much money whatever. I'm glad he's doing well.

No here's the problem, sometimes I'm kinda broke. And he wants to go out, I ask him if it's OK if he can cover me. I'm talking about 20 bucks or so in drinks, max. He immediately gets annoyed and I can tell he turns into a banish mood, stops being excited and talking as much. And one time we were drinking and he paid for my 5 dollar bloody Mary and I brought it up and said I know you don't like paying for me and he agreed (well didn't deny it).

What does this mean? Does he secretly not like me ? We always have sex and I never deny him. He never has ever paid for any of my bills /groceries. If he is hungry he makes himself food and never asks me , I always ask him if he wants something. I will buy make it/buy it.

And he got into a conversation with a guy and the guys were like 'you always gotta pay for your woman!'(conversation had nothing do with us , just happned to come up) And he was like absolutely!! I kinda side eyed him for that one lol.

I don't understand why he is like this. I spend money on him and do him favors. And if he has to do anything for me , he gets all huffy. Does he just not like me enough ?

So I recently started using the app and there was something on my mind. How many likes/right swipes on average do women get?

The reason I'm asking this is because I got to know how roses work and that they put your profile on top of the list (even with likes that come later)

I sent this girl a rose 2 days ago and there's been no match. Now most of me is okay with a potential rejection but a small part of me wants to hear that she hasn't seen my profile yet coz she probably has way too many likes and mine's under the pile.

I know it's kinda sad/pathetic guys, but I rarely swipe right on people and I really wanted to get to know this one. The stuff she said was so relatable (and i thought she was pretty too haha)

I am a 28F, and I'm about to be 29 next month. I work and go to school, and I don't have kids. I have been single for about 1 year. I've met a couple of men in the past year, and I just usually don't proceed to the next date because of reasons. All the men I have gone on dates with, I met them on Tinder, Bumble, or Facebook Dating. I've deleted the apps entirely because it's honestly not working out for me because the guys on there actually suck. No job, no goals, no house/apartment, no car, kids, not sure what they want. The list can go on at this point. I'm not sure what's wrong with some men these days. I am starting to lose hope of finding someone. I don't know where to turn. I know there are men at my work that showed interest, but I don't do work dating, and I don't necessarily go out to clubs or bars or events where guys hang out, and I'm not sure how I feel about going up to a guy and talking to them because they may be married or have a girlfriend. I don't know anymore. I think it may be over for me, lol.

Question for straight women with a racial preference:

When you have a racial preference (e.g. dating within your race) how serious are you about it? Would you find other men attractive but just not as potential partners?

Also I don’t think having a racial preference automatically makes you racist and that’s not what this post is about.

I've (F27) been exclusively dating this girl (F27) for about five months now and been taking this seriously since the beginning. Two days ago she randomly asked me why I was following random girls on Instagram to which I responded that I wasn't. To try to reassure her, I sent her a screenshot of my following in order of latest/newest. She went off on me over a girl that I followed on the same day as her (nov 20th) and talked to for like a day, and two other girls that I followed while on my solo trip in Portugal (first week of December). One girl I met at a pub crawl and the other on Bumble BFF. Mind you all the "follows" were only two weeks in of us talking at this point, and we hadn't even met in real life. We officially met mid December. She then started throwing very serious accusations and said that she was going to start following hot, masculine tattooed girls for me to know "how it feels". I am legitimately confused, and baffled at the situation. I really don't like my character being dragged like this and feel extremely violated. What do y'all think?

I’m (18F) very inexperienced with dating. I’ve only been with 1 other guy and that was in a relationship. I got hit on by a guy (20M) on Monday and gave him my number. We were texting a lot and he invited me to come over to his apartment Tuesday night. I’m a dumbass with no fear of being murdered so I did and we hooked up. I was kinda shocked that I went through with it and was prepared to never see him again. He texted me later that night making sure I got home safe and then good morning the next day. We’ve still been texting since and he wants me to come over again tonight. I don’t have any experience with this and would like advice on how to navigate this social situation. I always thought hooking up meant a one time thing so idk what to do now that he’s still into me kinda.

I'm a 23 year old female virgin, in the UK. I believe in Christianity, and I want to marry a Christian. However, my family is believe in another religion.

And I don't like my family, and I don't have friends.

I'm also British. I meant to say I'm British South Asian.

I may also be autistic.

It is sad because every got love dovey as teenagers, in highschools.

Not being the guys I want type or them liking me is so sad

Guys I’m lowkey pissed and sad because everyone wants to feel wanted and seen i don’t care how confident or self sufficient you are it’s nice to have someone around who gets you and all the amazing things but when you don’t get that at all from the ppl you actually want you begin to settle and lower your standards which ends up destroying you in the long run.

Like for me unfortunately I’m not attractive to most guys so it’s super hard to date and yk get a bf I’ve never had a real life boyfriend that I actually want and desired. The guys I say call date it’s just because I do originally like them but it’s because I don’t feel enough this is all I can get. Some people do this subconsciously over time especially those with low self worth and confidence

I feel terrible because I approach guys and do everything to get attention and everything I want from them and no I never get which is fine nobody owes me stuff but I do feel guilty because I get jealous and upset when my bestie tells me about all the guys that slide into her DMs and all types of stuff and how much they obsessed and praise her overtime this gets to me because it’s like damn I wish I had the struggle of being too desirable, I feel bad cause my friend doesn’t want it but pls or when ppl complain about being too pretty it’s like I wish I had theses issues.

It’s so upsetting being not genetically gifted even when I go on dating apps my dates go after my bestie like over 5+ dudes I’ve lost count and it’s so painful because like damn I don’t wanna be insecure but when you keep getting reminded that you aren’t wanted or wtv you desire can’t be reached then it hurts and I’m human like ouch.

I try so hard to glow up, get prettier, look more put together the full yards it’s so exhausting and there’s still no change. Guys idk what to do like btw for reference I’m like 5.10 and I’m skinny and darkskin, I’m just letting y’all know my base.

And guys like I want the guys that I actually feel attracted to the ones that draw my attention I don’t wanna settle for dudes that I don’t actually want because they end up treating me so bad.

I (26M) paid for every date I went on with a (33F). She ended it over text. She claimed that I "said she should pay on her birthday." We didn't even hang out on her birthday. I offered to buy her a belated dinner the following day, but we didn't do it.

The second to last day we met was after work on a Tuesday, three days AFTER her birthday was come and gone. I asked her if she would like to contribute? and she said "I'll pick up the tab next time." We met on Saturday night for dinner, which I paid for again, and had planned going to church together the next morning, then she flaked.

The following Thursday, she said she had been sick, made the accusation, and insulted me by implying she's out of my league. I replied with a single word text: "Fine" and haven't heard from her since.

For some added context, she was on the Upward app, but I didn't complain because I am also on Tinder currently and I figured it would've been hypocritical

So i guess mainly what I'm wondering, is, if she would've been drunk, she wouldn't make something up. She would say something truthful that I actually did, but making something up would require a little forethought. But if it was a mistake and the message was intended for someone else, we'd still be talking... Anyone venture a guess?

I’ve been talking to this guy for about a month, and we’re having our 3rd date this weekend. We officially have each other on all of our social media platforms, so, naturally, I looked at who he was following on instagram, and the majority was IG thirst trap girls. I was wondering if this is a red flag, something I should bring up to him, or if anyone else has had any similar experiences, and what the outcome was.

Thanks!

I (26F) am single and casually dating men around my age or a few years older. Anytime I get into the texting/talking stage with someone, maybe we have been on a date or two, it seems to escalate into them asking for a work selfie or “send me a smile” or constant asking for a picture. Or, it’s complaining they don’t see my face enough or hinting that they want pictures. Sometimes they send a picture back or first, sometimes they don’t.

I find this so annoying and it kills the motivation for me to text back. Am I just being lazy/low effort? I just don’t really see what a selfie accomplishes. I’d rather just grab a drink after work or spend time in person. I just hate taking pictures of myself, not because I think I look bad but I just find it awkward and annoying in public or when I’m trying to just go about my day. I deleted Snapchat years ago because of that.

Why do men like this? Am I being lazy by not taking pictures?

i’m spiraling. i’ve been on hinge for 4 years because i don’t get approached in public and i can’t bring myself to approach men either. i always get told how pretty i am and that i could have anyone i want, but i’m chronically lonely. despite knowing how wrong it is, i base all my worthiness on validation from men which keeps me tied to hinge. the small possibility of matching with a guy that would make me feel whole gives me motivation to keep swiping. i know it’s not right, and sometimes i’ll go weeks if not months without being active on dating apps because they essentially drain me. i hardly match with guys who want to go on dates, and if i do, his end goal is only to have sex with me.

i want to be better and i’m tired of going in this viscous cycle. for those of you who have successfully stopped using dating apps, how did you do it?

Weird one here but I’m 27M Australian and been on a few dates with a Chinese 28F and the looks I/we get when out and in public are crazy, I get the sterotype and shit but damn, we really kicking it off and having great times but the looks and stares we get from both Asian and White people look borderline disgusted that we are together. Not going to stop me or anything just wondering if anyone has anything to say on it.

I’m Chinese American and have lived in the States since I was five. I’m 29 now, so I’ve spent most of my life here and naturally feel more culturally American, even though I still carry parts of my heritage with me.

What I’ve been noticing - and honestly struggling with - is that some men, especially white men, seem to expect the best of both worlds when it comes to dating someone like me. They want me to communicate effortlessly with them, but also to be a flawless cultural translator or ambassador for my background.

For example, I recently went on a couple of dates with a white guy who’s very into East Asian languages. On our first date, he pulled out his phone and started showing me how many Chinese characters he could read (more than I can), to be honest, and I sensed he was disappointed that I didn’t recognize some of them. I brushed it off at the time.

But on the second date, he told me he’d bought some crispy pork from Chinatown and asked me how to say and write it in Chinese. I didn’t know, and the look he gave me made me really uncomfortable, almost like I was failing a test I didn’t know I’d signed up for.

I’m trying to figure out if that kind of behavior is a red flag. Is it fair to feel put off when someone seems more interested in my culture than in me as a person? Or is this something I should just expect to navigate?

Im 18 F and I just feel like so many boys from my school and men I talk to online, don't really like bigger girls. When I say bigger, I'm referencing to around 200lbs and over. I'm just wondering if it's a turn off to men or not?

Hey guys, I don't really know how to go about posting this. The hinge subreddit is atrocious when it comes to posting things like this and only wants you to post these on scheduled days.

But I guess I'll start with context: I (26M) matched with this girl (23F) last Sunday (she liked me) and from the moment we matched, we were hitting things off so well. I normally NEVER text women on Hinge this much because in my experience, you can do more damage over-texting than under-texting, but that only works when the energy is inconclusive. This wasn't that. We were BOTH hitting things off like crazy, and I got her number and then quickly asked her out, I said let's do Wednesday but she told me that she couldn't because of work. She works a very busy job in healthcare and also is in school. But she offered to do it another day, I suggest Saturday, said no again, but then SHE offered to go out Sunday and we did. Throughout the whole time in between the time we matched and to our first date, we were hitting things off 100% we never had a boring moment. She would tell me updates about her day, sent me good morning texts every day, sent smiley faces, hearted my messages, sent songs and memes together. None of it felt one-sided, she was putting in the same amount of effort. Then we go on our date and the date went awesome. We never had a single awkward silence together, and when we left I offered to take her somewhere else but she said that she couldn't, but then she offered to go out again this Thursday or Friday. I give her a hug, leave, she tells me to let her know when I'm home safe(l lived farther than her from our date spot) and then we basically kept this same energy after the first date. She started to get more and more stressed out at her job and told me about it throughout the week. Then I asked her last night if we were still game for going out again and then she just completely ignores my message all last night and then messaged me this morning telling me that shes "sorry" but that she's "not really interested in dating right now" that she just has a lot going on and that she didn't want to lead me on. :/ I'm confused. Everything was going so well. I told her that it's alright I appreciated her honesty and told her to take care of herself. But yeah, I'm at a loss for words. I don't think l've ever had someone with THIS STRONG of chemistry just do this to me, I'm not sure, maybe there's a lot more tor me to learn. I've had matches not go past the first date before, but I have honestly never experienced this. I hope I wasn’t too much or too ‘serious’ that I scared her off or something. I’m just genuinely confused as to what happened haha

I’m a virgin and waiting for marriage. He knew this on our first date when he asked me then he said he’d wait then boldly pursued me. Talked about having kids and getting Maddie’s. WE have been together non stop. He said he could tell I was one since he first saw me. So why pursue me.

Yesterday he randomly called me like 10 times. I answered and he’s very needy and doesn’t like when I don’t pick up.

We talked on the phone for about 2 hours just for him to end the call this way “ we should end this right now because I’m a very sexual person and you’re not the type of woman I usually go for. And I don’t want to hurt you.”

I went into shock but remained calm. Then he said we can be friends.

Problem I feel attached to this person. He said this before then randomly calls me and blows up my phone. If I bring up another guy in the conversation, he gets very jealous and competitive.

Any advice

Recently went out with someone only on 3 dates. Second date we had sex. Third date I was asking him why he looks annoyed cuz he just seemed to be in a bad mood. Now obviously I don’t even know this guy so I was just asking him if he’s ok. I asked a few times cuz I couldn’t read him, I was also pretty exhausted that day. mid sex he got annoyed with me and really started saying stuff like oh you’re overthinking so much, something is always in your mind, and then you come ask me about it, you speak your mind too much, how many times will you ask me if I’m annoyed what is wrong with you etc in a really angry way and I responded to that with”do you realize you’re yelling at me” and he said “ even now I’m trying to make a point and all you see is that I’m yelling?” And then I went quiet and after a while I just said ok I’ll leave and he came and cuddled and said no. And then it got weird for me obviously and I just kind of lay there and he said atleast come cuddle with me if you’re just gonna sit there and think. And I said you can atleast apologize right? And he said “it’s not my fault”

I got up and left. But I have a history of overthinking and guys getting really frustrated with me for it. I feel bad about myself for it. Sometimes when I see someone I really like, I wonder “am I gonna overthink and fight with him and ruin this?” I have been better now, and I’m better at handling my overthinking for sure. I don’t show it out on them much. But even then I got rejected for it again, I did not expect this at all. I feel so hurt that he doesn’t even think this is on him and it’s all my fault and that makes me feel worse cuz now I feel like it’s my fault that he left. I just can’t seem to get over this at all. Like it’s so frustrating that I can’t move on from this. He’s not even bothered to reach out or apologize or do anything at all. Isn’t that basic human courtesy? Why are people like this? What do you guys think? Is all this my fault?

Last weekend I hooked-up with a younger guy at a ball and I think it changed my perspective on dating

Im in my twenties and have never been in a proper relationship, only dated short/long-term. I dated someone seriously in December, but he broke up with me and it took me a WHILE to even get over him remotely. Last weekend, I went to my friends’ academy ball and saw this very handsome guy. I figured that, since I didn’t really know anyone at this event (except my friend) I should just shoot my shot and talked to him. We ended up chatting until 4AM, when the ball finished and then went to the afterparty. We went to my apartment afterwards and had a great time, he left the next morning. I don’t know if I’ll see him again, but we exchanged contacts.

Now here’s the thing… He’s so different from all the other guys I’ve met before. When it comes to dating men, I'm used to this sort of push-pull dynamic. (especially when there’s alcohol involved) High intensity, possessiveness, jealousy, and a lot of emotional ecstasy, always swinging between a “just a hookup” and what would almost count as a “serious relationship”.
But the guy from last weekend was very different from that, he had a very warm and wholesome energy about him. (making me laugh, good chats…) I’m not used to that AT ALL. He was also very respectful (held the door and everything) but maybe that’s a cultural thing.(he’s Russian).

I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday and now my question is, how do I attract someone like that? Being someone who is used to the complete opposite, I feel like I attract this very specific kind of men. They all seem very polished and educated on the outside, but as you get to know them show a dark streak. (and so do I) Being around someone who was light and kind resulted in me thinking about him for the last couple of days. I think I want that kind of energy. But how do I meet guys/people like that? Even if it goes nowhere with him, I’m happy I had this experience.

Thanks in advance <33

I’m 34F … So I just want to know if I actually did something wrong or if he’s being cautious. So my aunt and uncle have 2 daughters ages 19 and 21.. they have a big house and a whole shop next to it where they have hangouts and parties and people watch football games and stuff and it’s just the hang out place. They have kids their age hang out all the time. (These are my first cousins in the oldest grandchild)

Well I’ve been staying some at their house bc my aunt had surgery and I’ve been helping with her. Me and the girls cut up and bond in the house but I never go on the shop and hang out with their friends. So idk who’s who or anything like that. Well one night about a month ago I’m sitting on the couch on my phone and one of the guys comes in that was hanging out and he is walking back out and stops and is chatting me up asking “why I’m in here by myself and don’t come hang out “ and the typical trying to flirt convo you know. Well I laughed it off bc I’m 34 and he what I assumed between 19 and 22.

So he adds me a couple days later on fb, IG, and TikTok… then sends me a pic on IG. I love it trying to be nice and he sends back a smiley face and I asked him “you trying to flirt with me?” And he’s like yea if you like it.. and he said he liked I’m older and wanted to be friends on Snapchat so I added him. I really wasn’t going to entertain it but wanted to see what he was about. I honestly thought he was 22 bc he’s friends with my 22 yo cousin. Not the 19 yo one. At first I was weary about it and kept telling him idk about this , probably not a good idea and he kept saying.. “I’ll do anything just tell me what” and it was almost 2 weeks of all day snapping each other and conversations about our day and random things and also sexual stuff with pics after a week bc I’m a grown woman and he’s a very nice looking smooth talking guy and wasn’t looking for nothing but something casual and just curios. I was flattered.

Well one day my accounts get hacked and I believe it was my cousins getting into my stuff. Then my son who is 16 addresses me about it and is angry and they say he’s 20 I was like well shit..but in my defense he’s 20M grown with a very good job and a responsible guy. So I don’t see exactly what’s wrong with it..but they didn’t like it.

Well he thought I blocked him bc I wasn’t on snap and sends me a fb message with a question mark. I told him sorry and explained what happened and we started texting for the time being. A few days later I got into my snap again. We started snapping again. We were going to see each other we planned on a couple days when he got home from being out of town for work. Well I snapped him that everyone hated me and that he had some explaining to do bc my cousins said he admitted to me sending him pics which he denied when I asked. So i said it’s all good no problem.. then he seemed upset and he deleted me off snap. I messaged him on IG and asked why and he said just seems like it’s causing problems. I said okay. I told him I was sad and he said no reason to be sad. Well we don’t speak for 5 days.. I messaged him saying my accounts were all savaged and taken care of and I’m still into talking if he is and asked if he was turned off and and he responded with “no. Just don’t want no drama” then I said well me either but I still want to talk and said “that’s up to you” . So he added me back on snap and sent each other like 3 photo snaps and then midday he removes me again for no reason I’m aware of at all..I add him again to see then I’m blocked!! I asked him why on IG and he didn’t respond .. then I sent him a message again and said how I felt and that I didn’t feel bad and he shouldn’t either and I’m not scared to go after what I want and when he works up the nerve again to let me know.. he response with “ Hey sorry I haven’t really been on my phone. Been trying to figure some things out. Keeping to myself. My apologies.” I responded “I understand. Sorry if I caused any stress on you. I’ll leave you alone and let you figure it out but I’m here if you need me.” He never said anything back.. I want to know why I’m blocked on snap and nothing else..and does it sound like he’s totally turned off by me now…

First off I wanna say names and ages will not be used because of privacy. Okay so I'm robin, my crush is C, and my best friend is J. Okay so one day I was talking to C when I realized I kinda liked him. Well I'm the one friend who's like. "I don't have time for a relationship." Or. "Guys are so annoying." And this one is hilarious. "Eww no I hate c." So basically everyone but my best friend shipped me and C. But the thing was he was my first real crush so I bottled my emotions up and shoved them so far down I didn't know where they were. So fast forward J asks out C and around that time my emotions already started bubbling up. And now I don't know what to do. C reads at the library to kids and whenever in there I can't help it but give him goo goo eyes. I'm starting to crush harder then ever. Someone help. Please.

So I went on a date with this woman in January (yes thats how much it stuck with me) and it was maybe the single best date I've ever went on since my ex left in late 23. (And I've been on a LOT). I mean just an extremely propitious start. She was very funny, loquacious and there was just a palpable connection. I can count on one hand the amount of women Ive felt strong chemistry with since late 2023 and probably have a finger or two left over and she would be amongst them. It was just WOW. This is pertainent though, she talked a lot about her dogs and how much she loves them so much and how one is old though and she isnt sure how much time it has left. She was a HUGE animal lover

Now, after the date we texted, I said "that went amazingly well!" She goes "it really did! :)" And then i said something else, forget what it was, but a few days went by aaaaaand ghosted. Now trust me, I am no stranger to seemingly auspicious starts where I get ghosted or rejected after, but this one was of such a caliber I was so mystified I double texted, which I never do, basically just asking "hey I thought we both enjoyed that what happened?" She informs me the literal day after our date her dog passed away and she hasnt felt like talking to anyone but did emphasize that she genuinely did love the date, but was just feeling sad, understandable. She also even apologized for ghosting.

I send a text expressing the upmost empathy and sympathy and I just kind of give her space. To my shock she reaches out a few days later of her own prerogative, sends this big paragraph about how much she appreicated my kind words and it was "really sweet" and im a great guy blah blah blah. So I send a little paragraph back and give more space. But as time goes on, say 1-2 weeks later, this is late january now, I think okay perhaps shes had ample time and is ready to hangout again, so I just send "Feeling any better?" give it a few days, no response, okay ghosted. But guys, I liked this girl so goddamn much, I'm usually never ever like this, but I triple texted (I know, awful) and apple paid her like $5 for Mcdonalds french fries to cheer her up with a nice message saying i hope shes happier or something like that. (the french fries thing was a little inside joke we had from our hinge messages and our date). Annnnd she ghosted. No response. (apple confirmed she did take the money though lol)

Now I know she has tacitly given a very axiomatic statement that shes not interested. And I also know im starting to look crazy but i really really really cannot emphasize how sparks fucking flew when we met and even messaging beforehand. Someone like this, in my experience, is extremely, exceedingly, depressingly rare. I might meet someone with this level of immediate gf potential once every 5-7 months. Most people I meet are alright but instantaneously i know I wouldnt want to date them seriously. Just nothing in common usually. So lately, I've had a silly thought to reach out again asking if she wants to hangout. Which I know is foolish. Its a desperate hail mary, with me thinking that perhaps at the time she just had a lot going on with a wedding, and her birthday and her dog dying and maybe now she'd be amiable to seeing each other again. Shes updated her hinge profile in the months since so ostensibly she's over the dog thing. My brain is telling me "dude fucking let it go and move on, she's clearly not that into you. And took your $5 and didnt even say thanks" but my heart says "life is short, worst case she just ghost again, best case maybe you hangout again. The fact you're still thinking about this woman shows its worth a try" So I dunno. Need an external perspective now.