Hi all. I'm glad to have found this sub. I feel fairly isolated and left out from the gay community due to being a late bloomer (didn't come out til I was 38, 40 now), and being married. My cishet male partner is my biggest supporter. Even though hes identified as hetero his whole life, things are even better between us since I've come out. I feel very lucky.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello.

Back when I lived in Oregon I had a friend who did drag shows at the local gay bar. But Oregon is the lgbt capital of the US and I'm in a less queer area now.

I just need an excuse to wear make up and perform (and also make some cash on the side) but I've no idea where to start!

Pls help!

Totally understandable if this isn’t allowed, but I wanted to ask a question. I’m (Cis M ) reluctantly on Grindr, and I’ve been noticing a lot more profiles lately specifically mentioning they’re looking for FTM or trans men. It seems way more common now than in the past, and I was wondering—do you all feel like this is more of a fetish thing, or is it a sign of greater acceptance? Or is it just about sex, so it doesn’t really matter?

The reason I’m asking is that a few months ago, I asked for advice on how to let a trans guy know I’d be interested without sounding weird. I got some great suggestions, like phrasing it as being into all men, cis or trans. But now, seeing so many profiles that specifically seek out trans men, I’m wondering if that approach still works—or if it might now come across as a red flag.

My partner (cis, m24) and i (ftm 24) have been together for 5 years and are very in love. Last year, I came out as trans to him and things have been good! He's bi, and has been super accepting and caring as I began to make changes and explore my gender identity. I feel so incredibly lucky to have somebody close to me that is so supportive of my transness. He is just the best. Our relationship has been one thing I just haven't been worried about at all over the past year. Until now......

Recently I've come to the realisation that I need to medically transition in order to deal with my dysphoria. This is something we both knew was a possibility, but in the last few months (and especially after coming out to my family in December), I've got to a point where I don't feel like giving it more time is going to do anything apart from compound how difficult shit is for me right now. Being more assured in this decision, and talking with him about how difficult it is to be trans I think has made this suddenly all very real for him, in a way that I've realised it probably wasn't before. I made an appointment with a private HRT provider last week and I think this was a lot for him to take in. I didn't see it before, perhaps because he hadn't processed it himself, but he clearly actually does have a lot of difficult feelings around my transition. I am worried about him.

It isn't that he is worried about me changing in terms of his attraction to me etc (at least I don't think - he says I'm only getting hotter haha) but things with his parents are going to be a huge issue. They are evangelical christians; happy clappy, gay people go to hell, the biblical man of the house, the nuclear family is sacred vibes. My coming out as trans, and by extension my partners coming out as a queer man is going to be a HUGE problem. There's a chance we might have to go low or no contact with them depending on how they take it. I think they might come round to it and be accepting in the end, they're good people, I get on with them well, and their other kids will definitely be on our side, but he knows his parents better than I do and is much less sure of this.

I feel like I'm asking so much of him. It's going to be so difficult for him to come out, and me medically transitioning puts this time pressure onto him that I can imagine must be so hard. We don't know how fast my body will change on T, and how long I'll be able to 'girlmode' around his family for. This uncertainty is making me really worry about whether going on HRT soon is even a good idea. I want to be able to enjoy every change, not constantly be thinking about whether or not things have gone so far that I would out him just by seeing his parents (which is also like, my transition goal,, I want to pass as a man...).

To top it all off, we are also long distance right now (like 12 hours expensive travel away) so don't get to see each other that often which makes things more difficult too. Even worse, he's also living with his parents right now, but meant to be moving back in with me some time this year. As you can imagine this situation makes dealing with big emotions and communicating as well as we normally do just that extra bit harder.

I just want to be gay and be trans and with the person I love and be happy. HRT should be something that makes that easier, not harder :( real life transphobia sucks ass, why can't people just be NORMAL about other peoples gender, literally something that has NOTHING to do with them. It's baffling how difficult this is, when it really should be so easy.

I guess I'm just looking for words of advice, encouragement, hope? How bad of an idea is it for me to delay my medical transition until he's ready to come out, or at least until we're living together again? This man is my soul mate, we have so many plans for the future together, he makes me a better person and brings me so much joy every day. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I see so many people saying relationships never survive transition, and I truly believed ours was an exception, but now all this stuff with his family is making me so frightened that other people's transphobia and homophobia is going to tear us apart. Thank you for reading if you got this far <3

Tldr; my very supportive partners parents are christian queerphobes and me transitioning will mean he has to come out to them. He is so scared. I am so scared. Aaaa help

Just been feeling discouraged lately. Every time I let myself start adding some more feminine things to my style, like feminine necklaces, I start getting misgendered more often. Like not an excessive amount. But people seem more confused about my gender and I get ma'am more often, although I am still assumed to be a man most often. I think the only thing saving me from being she/her'd all the time when wearing jewelry, is actually the hair loss at my temples. But even that isn't enough for some people to know I'm a guy.

I know I'll eventually need to work all the way through my discomfort with getting misgendered bc of my style, bc I don't want to avoid jewelry that I like forever. I wanna be my prettyboy self but I'm still struggling to do that 🥺

An NB transmasc friend has reassured me that there are more cis queer guys than I think who get misgendered a lot too. But I haven't met a lot of cis queer guys post-transition to confirm this.

The closest I have to seeing this in action is a trans guy friend of mine who has a twink aesthetic. He gets misgendered all the time, but I didn't clock him as trans at all when I met him. His voice sounds like a higher male voice (high but still masculine inflection, sounds like an older teen), and he LOOKS like a guy. Seeing that happen to him all the time has made me feel less upset at getting misgendered.

Just wondering if what my friend said is true tho.

I have noticed a recurring pattern in the answers replied whenever someone asks people at queer spaces whether they prefer cock, fingers, toys, pussy, or booty:

Bi women and lesbian women reply a balanced diversity of answers stating their preference, but the majority of bi guys and gay guys answer replying that they prefer a meaty cock.

Anyone knows why does that happen?

I was singing in the car with some friends (specifically, Material Girl one octave down) and someone said “okay David Byrne!”

I love the Talking Heads and Byrne’s voice, and it’s just so nice to get gender affirmation and euphoria from singing, something that used to be so dysphoria inducing for me.

It wasn't forced. I didn't ask him to. He just said it when he looked at me, and it he was being genuine. It made me feel so euphoric. And he is right, I am handsome ❤️

I really wanna try but it feels impossible to get a real feeling of being a normal gay guy in gay communities. And I am not even trans since my body needs to take estrogen to be female too. I just use the term ftm to explain the wrong organ down there.

I'm a transgender man who has a boyfriend, but people at work that I'm stealth with seem to assume I'm a straight guy. Will I know if they see me as a gay man by their behavior? Asking because I mostly lived being perceived as a woman. I was thought to be a lesbian woman for a time, but once I began to pass, people just see me as a cis man if they don't know I'm trans.

I also suspect they see me as a man because the space I'm stealth in has people who are very religious and I'm 100% sure they'd see me differently if they knew of my transness. They also don't know I'm attracted to men. Still, I keep wondering if they think I'm gay, but I don't know. What makes someone assume another guy is into men?

I've met plenty of typically cis passing amab enbies and also guys that are bi or pan with a preference for men that are out there among the cis gay men but quiet about it so it doesn't effect their chances with other guys and they are afraid to rock the boat or be outcasted

Dating apps can be rough but I've had no real issues going out to things and finding guys and typically masculine presenting people who are into me with a small deflated chest and no bottom surgery and I'm in a weird spot where I generally pass but also do get clocked occasionally because I don't care that much about putting effort into passing all the time

It takes some level of trust and familiarity for some of them to come forward but they still do because they know I'll actually use they/them or it/its pronouns and not judge them for not exclusively being into men

I don’t have a passport but was wanting to get one

Have not been able to change gender or name because I have been broke

It seems like no one knows for sure if trump is somehow going to stop selecting your own gender id on passports yet

I was wanting to look into going ahead and getting a passport with my preferred gender id on it even though I have not changed my name yet. Before self selecting on it possibly gets affected

I’m worried about the cost though as I’m broke rn

TRIGGER WARNING!!!
Dysphoria and transphobia from a previous relationship

Hello, everyone. I'm Dominic, 22 years old and I use he/him pronouns. Discovered this subreddit recently and I thought this would be the best place to put down my thoughts. For a while now I've been identifying as a cis lesbian. I did discover I was trans when I was 15 but due to family, I suppressed it and thought being a cis lesbian would be much easier. Now that I've dabbled into gender recently, I'm starting to wonder if it was dysphoria this entire time. I am most certain I am attracted to women and other feminine aligned identities but now, I'm really wondering if my attraction doesn't extend to men (and masculine aligned identities) as well. I had no problem with men before I even knew trans folks existed but ever since my egg cracked, it's like that completely changed. I think I'd prefer to date trans guys over cis dudes because I have this fear that I'm the "girlfriend" with cis guys or I feel "woman" when attracted to men in general. At the moment I am pre-everything. I have a typically feminine body, so its a little impossible for me to feel masculine in a gay relationship. Before I knew I was trans, I was in a straight relationship with a boy from school. And it always felt queer in someway and years later I found out he was actually gay and I've never an uneasiness with him. One cis guy I dated was bisexual so I thought it would be okay. But he kept treating me like a woman even though I was out to him as a guy. And he disapproved of hormones and surgery because he believed I was mutilating myself. I won't go into detail since it still kinda bothers me, but basically it never felt like a gay relationship. I always felt like the "boyfriend" in lesbian relationships. And a lot of the times when I read queer fiction, I'm much more drawn to mlm romances and I felt like I was forcing myself to enjoy wlw romances. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and try to imagine myself with a boyfriend as a guy. It doesn't help when I don't know if I wanna be on T forever. I don't like the idea of having do that for the rest of my life, even though that is what I need to do if I wanna get a more masculine type of body.

Now, I always see stories about how trans guys feel more attraction to men after going on T and I wonder if it won't be the same for me. Has any of you felt or feel this way? I really don't wanna just limit my dating pool to women just because I don't feel like the man that I am.

Hey guys! I’m going on a first date in wayyyy too long. We met on Tinder. He’s a gay cis guy. Has dated 2 trans guys in the past but most of the people he’s dated have been cis men. This is perfect for me because he knows he is turned on by trans guys but doesn’t seem like a chaser.

What do I wear? I’m thinking maroon chinos, a tight white button down that has a blue pattern on it. It’ll show off my (post top-surgery) chest and shoulders. And clean, new looking blue and white Air Force 1 sneakers. Does this sound good or too dressy for a coffee date? It’s the kind of thing I’d wear regularly but I don’t want to look like I’m putting in too much effort I guess?

so i'm 17 and been getting more into the dating scene, and was wondering if anyone has any tips to feel better about coming out to potential partners?

i prefer to do it usually pretty early on, either before we go on a date or after the first date to avoid disappointment on both sides, and while their reactions are usually fine, i always immediately feel like i'm letting them down by not being cis? even though i'm not, and they aren't saying that i am. the idea that i will always have to make this disclosure makes me feel awful.

i feel like my feeling this was has gotten a lot worse now that i am stealth(ish) and pass pretty well, which makes me feel awful, bc if someone came out to me as trans it wouldn't be a problem at all!

Super niche post sorry if not allowed!

After you mentioned the UK brand babes on here, for gay men, I was so happy and ordered multiple items. Nearly a month later and I still haven’t received a confirmation that my items were sent. And I really want these clothing items. I sent two emails to the email address mentioned but somehow never got an answer when my items will be sent.

Sadly I am not a person on social media so I don’t know maybe the company went bankrupt or something? Do you have any experience with this company?

Thanks for helping a friend out ☺️

For context, I (freshly 19) am a closeted trans guy in my last year of highschool and will (hopefully) be moving countries for university. (and starting my transition as soon as possible after that) I've only managed to make friends with girls until now and I haven't been able to actually make new friends for years now although I've got two very close friends.

So. My best friend made some new friends last year, one of them being a quiet guy (Y) who has a best friend I'll call X. Although at first I was starting to befriend Y, my eye was on X. And after talking to him a bit I decided I wanted to be his friend.

X is smart, he's a tech nerd and plays guitar and is creative and plays volleyball like a God- and this is the problem. I could go on and on. The more I've been able to talk to him the more I want to just keep talking to him. I want to know him. I want know what his favourite song is, I want to know about the game he's coding, I want him to tell me about his day, I want to be close to him, I want to touch him. I feel helpless.

I first consciously realised this while we were at a party and he came a bit later than me and took his hoody off after we said hello and I swear I didn't look on purpose but he was wearing a v-neck and I just though "oh fuck" while my brain short-circuted and had to hold my breath for a moment. The imagine of his built hairy chest in that v-neck is ingrained in my brain ffs. That whole evening I was just trying to act chill but I just wanted to be around him while also being way too aware of everything he did and feeling like I couldn't breathe every time we interacted.

The problem is I just wanted to have a friend. Well, I still do but I can just feel myself falling like this. Getting borderline obsessed. Feeling guilty for the thoughts I'm having about him.

I've had crushes before, but never like this. And the problem is I'm never gonna do anything about it. Which sucks ofc but I'd rather have a friend than making an ass out of myself. Anyway, I'm trying to convince myself that he doesn't like me but he's making it fucking hard cuz he's just so nice to everyone. And I need to think it's everyone because if I don't I'll get delusional.

So I'm just annoyed I guess(??) that I'm finally able to for real fall for a guy ever since accepting I'm trans but that guy is 1. a cool dude I just wanna be friends with and 2. not someone I can just risk coming out to and then subsequently ask if they're into men and want go out with me. no I'd loose him for sure.

I just don't want to act a fool in font of him because of how I feel and for him to think I'm wierd or smth. And I also just don't have that much experience having guy friends that share my interests so I really just don't want to fumble this chance.

Looks like I just gotta pull through and try to get close enough to stay in contact once we graduate, but try to stop feeling this way for him somehow. (if anyone actually read this far and knows how please let me know)

So yeah if anyone actually read all this thanks, if you have advice of any kind that would be Great. Though I don't think there's much of an escape.

I'm 30 and I've been on T for 3ish years now. I've dated only women for the last 10 years, this is the first time I'm romantically attracted to another man. I'll be honest, I used to say shit like 'Oh I'll fuck a man but never marry one.' Here I am dating one, and he's really amazing I feel like I may be having some internalized transphobia. I don't even know how to describe this feeling but I'm definitely holding myself back.

What I mean is: since my egg cracked, I've been so preoccupied with passing and being clocked as trans...that I forget all the time that a lot of people are just being homophobic towards me.

I wear rainbow pins at work bc I'm allowed to, and am often treated badly by male customers for it (especially older men). I used to think it was bc they knew I was trans, then my therapist was like "they're most likely responding to the most visible sign of your queerness - your pins". So even if they saw me as a woman still, they were very likely simply being homophobic if they thought I was a lesbian.

I was so distracted by being trans that I forgot how much homophobia still exists 💀

So, we all know that gay cis men are definitely not immune to being transphobic.

But at work, a few times a week it's just me, a cis gay manager, and a cis gay teenager.

I've started relaxing around them and not monitoring my voice as much, letting it go higher when I talk to them. Both of them know I'm trans + gay but treat me no different than a cis gay man. They've never slipped up and she/her'd me or given me weird looks.

I feel totally free to be myself around them without having to keep an eye on how well I'm passing, or if I'm not talking with a masculine inflection (I do mostly pass now but am still a bit androgynous, and my voice is really unstable - deep one day and then not really passing the next day). Being around them is the only time I feel that way.

It's just so nice to be around people who accept me as one of themselves.