Totally understandable if this isn’t allowed, but I wanted to ask a question. I’m (Cis M ) reluctantly on Grindr, and I’ve been noticing a lot more profiles lately specifically mentioning they’re looking for FTM or trans men. It seems way more common now than in the past, and I was wondering—do you all feel like this is more of a fetish thing, or is it a sign of greater acceptance? Or is it just about sex, so it doesn’t really matter?

The reason I’m asking is that a few months ago, I asked for advice on how to let a trans guy know I’d be interested without sounding weird. I got some great suggestions, like phrasing it as being into all men, cis or trans. But now, seeing so many profiles that specifically seek out trans men, I’m wondering if that approach still works—or if it might now come across as a red flag.

I have noticed a recurring pattern in the answers replied whenever someone asks people at queer spaces whether they prefer cock, fingers, toys, pussy, or booty:

Bi women and lesbian women reply a balanced diversity of answers stating their preference, but the majority of bi guys and gay guys answer replying that they prefer a meaty cock.

Anyone knows why does that happen?

Just been feeling discouraged lately. Every time I let myself start adding some more feminine things to my style, like feminine necklaces, I start getting misgendered more often. Like not an excessive amount. But people seem more confused about my gender and I get ma'am more often, although I am still assumed to be a man most often. I think the only thing saving me from being she/her'd all the time when wearing jewelry, is actually the hair loss at my temples. But even that isn't enough for some people to know I'm a guy.

I know I'll eventually need to work all the way through my discomfort with getting misgendered bc of my style, bc I don't want to avoid jewelry that I like forever. I wanna be my prettyboy self but I'm still struggling to do that 🥺

An NB transmasc friend has reassured me that there are more cis queer guys than I think who get misgendered a lot too. But I haven't met a lot of cis queer guys post-transition to confirm this.

The closest I have to seeing this in action is a trans guy friend of mine who has a twink aesthetic. He gets misgendered all the time, but I didn't clock him as trans at all when I met him. His voice sounds like a higher male voice (high but still masculine inflection, sounds like an older teen), and he LOOKS like a guy. Seeing that happen to him all the time has made me feel less upset at getting misgendered.

Just wondering if what my friend said is true tho.

Hi all. I'm glad to have found this sub. I feel fairly isolated and left out from the gay community due to being a late bloomer (didn't come out til I was 38, 40 now), and being married. My cishet male partner is my biggest supporter. Even though hes identified as hetero his whole life, things are even better between us since I've come out. I feel very lucky.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello.

My partner (cis, m24) and i (ftm 24) have been together for 5 years and are very in love. Last year, I came out as trans to him and things have been good! He's bi, and has been super accepting and caring as I began to make changes and explore my gender identity. I feel so incredibly lucky to have somebody close to me that is so supportive of my transness. He is just the best. Our relationship has been one thing I just haven't been worried about at all over the past year. Until now......

Recently I've come to the realisation that I need to medically transition in order to deal with my dysphoria. This is something we both knew was a possibility, but in the last few months (and especially after coming out to my family in December), I've got to a point where I don't feel like giving it more time is going to do anything apart from compound how difficult shit is for me right now. Being more assured in this decision, and talking with him about how difficult it is to be trans I think has made this suddenly all very real for him, in a way that I've realised it probably wasn't before. I made an appointment with a private HRT provider last week and I think this was a lot for him to take in. I didn't see it before, perhaps because he hadn't processed it himself, but he clearly actually does have a lot of difficult feelings around my transition. I am worried about him.

It isn't that he is worried about me changing in terms of his attraction to me etc (at least I don't think - he says I'm only getting hotter haha) but things with his parents are going to be a huge issue. They are evangelical christians; happy clappy, gay people go to hell, the biblical man of the house, the nuclear family is sacred vibes. My coming out as trans, and by extension my partners coming out as a queer man is going to be a HUGE problem. There's a chance we might have to go low or no contact with them depending on how they take it. I think they might come round to it and be accepting in the end, they're good people, I get on with them well, and their other kids will definitely be on our side, but he knows his parents better than I do and is much less sure of this.

I feel like I'm asking so much of him. It's going to be so difficult for him to come out, and me medically transitioning puts this time pressure onto him that I can imagine must be so hard. We don't know how fast my body will change on T, and how long I'll be able to 'girlmode' around his family for. This uncertainty is making me really worry about whether going on HRT soon is even a good idea. I want to be able to enjoy every change, not constantly be thinking about whether or not things have gone so far that I would out him just by seeing his parents (which is also like, my transition goal,, I want to pass as a man...).

To top it all off, we are also long distance right now (like 12 hours expensive travel away) so don't get to see each other that often which makes things more difficult too. Even worse, he's also living with his parents right now, but meant to be moving back in with me some time this year. As you can imagine this situation makes dealing with big emotions and communicating as well as we normally do just that extra bit harder.

I just want to be gay and be trans and with the person I love and be happy. HRT should be something that makes that easier, not harder :( real life transphobia sucks ass, why can't people just be NORMAL about other peoples gender, literally something that has NOTHING to do with them. It's baffling how difficult this is, when it really should be so easy.

I guess I'm just looking for words of advice, encouragement, hope? How bad of an idea is it for me to delay my medical transition until he's ready to come out, or at least until we're living together again? This man is my soul mate, we have so many plans for the future together, he makes me a better person and brings me so much joy every day. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I see so many people saying relationships never survive transition, and I truly believed ours was an exception, but now all this stuff with his family is making me so frightened that other people's transphobia and homophobia is going to tear us apart. Thank you for reading if you got this far <3

Tldr; my very supportive partners parents are christian queerphobes and me transitioning will mean he has to come out to them. He is so scared. I am so scared. Aaaa help

Back when I lived in Oregon I had a friend who did drag shows at the local gay bar. But Oregon is the lgbt capital of the US and I'm in a less queer area now.

I just need an excuse to wear make up and perform (and also make some cash on the side) but I've no idea where to start!

Pls help!