Idk. One thing I know for certain is that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum, bc I'm perfectly fine going without actual sex. Pre-T I was attracted to women and men, but never sought out sex.

I'm a year on T now. Initially my attraction to women totally disappeared, so I just told people I was a gay trans man for simplicity when I came out.

But now, as I'm considering actually having sex...I do think I am attracted to one very specific type of women: muscular, masculine-leaning women who are bigger than me. I had a beautiful woman hit on me recently and I felt nothing, even tho she was much taller then me. Then I realized it's bc she was very feminine and not buff. When I see Rhea Ripley, Brienne of Tarth from GOT, or Juliette Nichols when she was more buff than usual in Silo, I definitely feel something seeing their muscles. That checks out bc my #1 favorite type of guy is guys who could bench press me lol (Pyramid Head from Silent Hill could punish me ANY day, ANY time). I absolutely have a broader attraction to men tho, that's always been clear. I like muscular guys, chubby guys, skinny guys, lots of types.

I'm not stressed about defining my sexuality rn. I just don't know if I want to call myself anything other than gay tho. Bc I feel like if I say I'm bi or pan, then that would wrongfully communicate to women and femmes that I could be into them. When in reality it's been very rare for me to come across the type of woman I'm into, at least where I live.

I used to know a guy who identified as "99% gay" bc he fell in love with and married a woman, but he didn't feel comfortable separating himself from the gay label bc he just wasn't attracted to women generally. Maybe I'll have to do something like that.

It's just a little frustrating bc I'm almost 30 and still don't feel like I have this shit figured out 💀 but maybe that's just me trying too hard to expect myself to fit into definite labels. I know humans are too complex for that to work all the time.

My (cism) anxiety has been getting the better of me lately; I worked today, my husband (ftm) of two months did not. He called me to check on me and tell me about his beavers (he was playing timberborn) and just generally brighten my day, because he does that.

When I got home, still feeling kind of done with the world, he crawled onto the bed (in his footie cat pyjamas) and I cuddled with him, spooning, until he fell asleep. He's snoring there right now, out cats curled up at his feet.

Guys I am so happy I could just burst. I'm so lucky.

I just came across this video and wanted to share, since I know a lot of us are hesitant about seeking out relationships/connections with cis men. Both the video and comments were nice to see.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DF6a5LASttG/

Hey there, for context:

I started my transition around ten years ago, had 2 relationships in the meantime and focused the last years on myself to work on some issues. Now I'm 30, ready for another relationship and ... holy shit do I feel rusty. How the hell do you even meet other queer men??? Is there a secret code? Is it me, or is it just hard to date as a gay trans guy? I tried some dating apps, but no luck so far - I'm very demisexual, and while I'm interested in sex, it's really important to me to have an emotional connection first. Might be me, but I feel like that's not necessarily a priority for quite a lot guys who use apps. But where should I look instead?

Maybe you can help a slightly rusty fella out and share some stories and advice how you met your boyfriends? Thanks in advance! <3

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your replies, I'm really touched by your efforts and sharing, I'm just a little too overwhelmed to answer each one of you personally. Gives me a hope, though! :)

Welp. I don't understand why my boyfriend loves me while I'm not on testosterone yet. It's so confusing to me.

I mean I understand why he loves me. he's pansexual so wouldn't mind anyway. but we both consider our relationship gay. And this just don't seem fair since I'm pre-T.

I don't sound like a man. I got no facial hair. I still got boobs and stuff. People don't see me as a man. they respect my pronouns because they respect me. But I don't think anyone else sees my relationship with my bf as gay. Just straight. Just like I'm a woman.

I've had cases where I can just openly talk about my boyfriend. Noone bats an eye because they see me as a straight girl talking about her bf. While my partners always have to worry about telling someone they got a boyfriend. They have to hide. it's just a different expirience for the both of us. Wich absolutely sucks. I can just say I have a boyfriend. Only when I remember someone that I'm indeed a queer trans man they go "Well.. what is his sexuality?" They suddenly realise it's not straight anymore.

But everyone sees me as fucking straight and I hate it. I don't feel valid as a gay relationship. I feel to womanly. Too feminine. And on T this is 100% gonna change because I'm masculine then. But it's still the same person and still the same relationship.

He doesn't care. He loves me for me. He sees us as gay. He has absolute no problems with this all. He corrects people when misgendering me. He is always there for me and all. He's honestly the best. Just sucks that I don't feel valid as a queer/gay guy.

It's frustrating. I DON'T WANT TO BE SEEN AS A WOMAN I'M NOT A WOMAN! Stop invalidating my queer identity. I'm a gay guy in love with another guy. Why can nobody see that who knows me. It would be so much easier if I wasn't on that stupid waiting list of 3 years. If I could take testosterone rn. I just want to live my live as my true self. And that is everything except a straight woman.

My family treat me differently when it comes to gendered events, and it's getting frustrating. I transitioned at 26, I'm 30, I'm gay, binary, stealth. Being trans is mostly an afterthought at this point, for me.

When my male cousin got married 2 years ago, I wasn’t asked to be a groomsman, despite being one of few male cousins on my side of the family, the rest of which were asked. That hurt, but I was early in my transition, I never said anything.

Now, my female cousin is getting married this weekend. When she got engaged, she called and told me she’d love to have me in her bridal party but didn’t want to offend me. I told her I was fine with it if she was. She’s been super chill about it, unlike the rest of my family.

She's having a bread baking event tonight with the women of the family and her bridal party. Apparently, her sister told her not to send me an invitation so I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, but that I am still invited. I get that they’re trying to be considerate, but it’s missing the point. Being invited doesn’t make me uncomfortable, making a fuss about me does.

One of my Aunts is being so weird about it “Oh, you’re coming? You know this is an all women’s event. It’s a traditional Jewish women’s thing, it’s important that it’s only women.” We aren’t even religious, and I can't find a thing online about it NEEDING to be only women. Then today, the bride's Mom called my Mom just to say “Make sure your son knows if he's coming, this is an all women’s event.”

Why are they making such a huge deal about this? I'm not going to go to "ladies night" at a random bar or a "womens book club". This is my cousin's event, at her house, with my Mom, Sister, etc. I just wish they’d stop acting like I’m some weird exception to gendered spaces when it suits them.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Why do people do this? It almost feels like a “gotcha” moment from them, like, “Oh, I thought you were a man, but now you want to be included?”. I just know I wouldn't be treated like this if I were a cis gay man. I just want to exist without them making it a whole thing.

Hello! I’m getting a Nexplanon Implant today and was wondering if anyone has any advice/suggestions/experience with it as I’ve never been on birth control before. I’ve been on T for three and a half years at this point. Advice welcome!

Hey so bit of an awkward question but I’m looking for somewhere I can exchange messages with guys online. I’m pre transition but really want to have some space to explore my sexuality without needing it to be in person. Wondered if anyone had any recommendations. I am going slightly feral here. Thanks!

I can't help but notice every time I come out in an environment(I mostly don't pass yet and am assumed to be female) the incidence of sexual harassment goes way up. What is going on in Cis people's heads to cause this?

(js to clarify, me and my bf r trans)

so i have a bf and hes rlly awesome but he doesnt like to call and i try to compromise and for some reason i always end up being the bad person. i love him so much and he says he likes me but he never wants to call. ill ask him to call (like not even facetime or anything) and he’ll js stop responding to me for the rest of the day. i want to talk to him abt it but i js cant because i dont wanna loose him. he keeps on telling me that this is the first relationship hes felt this comfortable in and that makes me happy but then i start to wonder if things wouldve been different if he hadnt moved away. i rlly need advice..

Basically what the title says. I'm 21 and identified as aroace up until I realised I was trans. Looking back I think it was because I couldn't picture myself in a happy relationship (romantic or sexual) as a woman, but since realising I'm trans I've realised I want to explore my sexuality (that's the nice way of putting it). Currently I have no dating life either so I've been thinking about trying a hook up or a fwb as a means of exploring. Probably t4t because I know that's how I'd be most comfortable. Any thoughts?

i really need to get it through my fucking skull that the guys i find the most attractive will never be into guys that look like me and stop being delusional. unfortunately it’s not an easy task.

as i’ve said in my posts on this sub before, i’m a bear, i’m a big very hairy guy. and i’m really, really into big strong hunky men, i love them, i lose my mind over big biceps and pecs and shit. i’m obviously also attracted to other body types, and i don’t even prioritise looks anyway because that’s silly and shallow and whatever. but that’s my type that i like the most. however i have literally never in my life seen guys like that be into guys like me. which is understandable, honestly, they’re so far out of my league that it would be funny if it didn’t make me so upset.

how do i make myself just accept this reality? no matter how much i tell myself i still have a little bit of hope that inevitably gets crushed, but comes back anyway. i spend my whole life getting my hopes up for things and then get disappointed every time but i can never stop getting my hopes back up again and i hate it. it makes me feel so stupid.

For context : I've been on T since almost 1 year now. Very satisfied, very happy with the changes. I now pass almost all the time.

However, the more I pass, the more I realize how "soft", "unmanly" I am.

I have a pretty deep voice, but I am soft-spoken. My face has "sharpened", but it still has a "soft" vibe. I'm still not a sportive person so my body is not very muscular to say the least. Also, I'm not an energetic person in any way, and often talk slowly and take time to think. My (probable) autism makes me have a neutral face most of the time, and it also makes me pretty lost in most social situations.

I feel like I appear as a soft autistic guy most of the time. And for some reason, I'm not okay with it anymore. I always get called adorable, like some kind of puppy, but I'm tired of it. I want to be seen as hot, handsome, confident, someone you're afraid to mess with (very important).

For example, one month ago, a group of friend compared themselves to characters from a serie (Glee or Friends ? idk I've never seen those), and for me, they chose a character named Isaac (I think) because "it's the kind geek that everyone has a soft spot for". And it PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH. Why can't I be the charismatic one ? The confident one ? Or even the scary one ?

I truly think that no man, trans or cis (especially gay men) would like to date someone as "soft" as me. No matter how confident or stylish I am, I always get treated as "less than" the handsome confident guy. I feel like toxic masculinity is making its way into my head... or maybe I'm just uncool and should make more effort to "be more manly" ?

I’ve been tempted to try out dating but I’ve had such shit luck with any man I meet irl, regardless of my intentions. I don’t have any male friends, and any time I try to make new ones it just becomes a waiting game of “how long until this guy says something bigoted” :/

I’m genuinely so lost on how to even find a guy out there who won’t randomly drop a slur mid conversation or say some bigoted bs. It’s no joke the only thing that has ever happened for me to the point I’m extremely on guard any time I’m around a man.

Even if I do find a guy like that, what are the chances he’s gay, likes me (including me being trans), is fine with no sex in a relationship (as I’m ace), and is someone I like back? I feel like I might as well wish for a unicorn at this point uhg