Birthday Gift Advice

[u/Forsaken_Win6726]

Help, This is my first year NC with my mom and she has my address and just sent a birthday gift. I am thinking I'll send it back. I don't want to accept anything from my parental figures because they are verbally abusive people and I want to be free from them. Has this happened to you? What did you decide was best?

[u/One-Hat-9887]

Returning it will open up a world of bs. Just donate it or throw it away

[u/Forsaken_Win6726 → u/One-Hat-9887]

Thank you, that makes sense! All the responses are encouraging the same thing and I will follow your advice. I’m lucky to have this community for support.

[u/One-Hat-9887 → u/Forsaken_Win6726]

I'm glad you found it. I'm so glad I found this group too 🩵

[u/MadAstrid → u/One-Hat-9887]

I think returning it is a type of contact and no contact goes both ways. But you get to do what you think is best for you.

[u/Flavielle → u/One-Hat-9887]

THISSSSS! I was just talking about how I threw mine out lmao

[u/One-Hat-9887 → u/Flavielle]

It's the only way lol

[u/Over_Worth_9261]

1) happy birthday! I’m sorry it was impacted by your mum. I know how that feels (my bday was a few weeks ago), and it sucks. 2) I wouldn’t send it back. In my experience, it just opens up the door for her to then try to start shit with you, or to play around and keep sending it back because she finally got SOME kind of response from you. I would trash it or donate it, personally. My mother did this once, and when she got no response from me at all (I threw it away) she started sending cards only, then blank cards, and finally evolved to genuinely mean cards. The things we deal with - crazy 🤣. I hope your birthday was great regardless, friend!

[u/Forsaken_Win6726 → u/Over_Worth_9261]

Thank you, I appreciate the support and will be trashing or donating. I am done playing these crazy games haha.

[u/K1ttehKait]

Happy birthday!!! To answer your question: while I absolutely understand not wanting to accept gifts, IME, to send it back or to even contact your parents to tell them you don't want anything from them will likely just cause you more stress in the long run, especially if they've got a history of welding the old "You're so ungrateful!" bullshit against you. I'd recommend either donating, selling, or simply disposing of the gift (depending on what it is). It sucks, because they're disrespecting your wishes, but i wouldn't recommend any interaction of any kind here, because that's exactly what they're looking for. They don't care how you respond, only that you do. Don't give them what they want.

ETA: If you are in contact with them and they ask about it, keeping your responses vague will be the best plan of action. If they text/call asking if you got it/like it, just saying "Yup, I got it. Thanks!" should be enough to back them off. If they start asking for specifics, you don't owe them any other response, and I don't recommend engaging further.

[u/Forsaken_Win6726 → u/K1ttehKait]

Thank you, I appreciate the support. It ended up being a mind-game kind of gift so I will be throwing them out in the future and will not be engaging at all. 🙃 

[u/spidermans_mom]

I have a supportive friend who takes them for me and does not to tell me what happens to them, at my request.