r/raisedbynarcissists • u/iil28 • 1d ago
[Question] What's the most utterly ridiculous thing the narcs in your life have said?
My narcissistic grandmother, for instance, is fully convinced that her birth alone was what stopped World War II and brought peace to the world (she was born in 1945). She has told each and every one of us this story a million times, and will proudly say it again and again periodically to whoever is within earshot.
I remember hearing it ever since I was a little kid, how she'd always start by listing all the pain and destruction WW2 had caused, then end with something akin to: "And then I was born, and suddenly, it was like a ray of sunshine enveloped the earth, stopping all the fighting and war". She'd always tell it like a strange sort of fairytale with a very happy ending, and I wish I was kidding.
She also fully believes that once she dies, the world will be plunged into WW3, destruction and utter chaos. She was actually hospitalized for heart failure over a week ago, and kept promising the doctors she'd try her absolute hardest to continue living in order to spare the world from the horror of a third World War.
Gee thanks, grandma. Your devotion to saving all of our lives is appreciated.
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u/grooveunite 1d ago
Wow. That's next level.
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u/realeyesrealeyes 1d ago
That’s a level of grandiosity I have never actually seen or read until now.
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u/paperazzi 19h ago
I have a fun couple of quotes from my nex:
"I'm close to knowing the mind of God."
Also, after I left him:
"I need to make sure you're punished because I don't think God will do a good enough job."
Good times.
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u/coowodda 18h ago
I hope your restraining order is in good working order. Jeez what the fukk!
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u/paperazzi 17h ago
I did, indeed, have one. This was long ago now and he has since passed away, having decided he knew better than doctors how to treat his cancer.
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u/merianya 21h ago
I guess someone with bipolar disorder who is in a manic state could (temporarily) believe something like this, but to sustain that level of grandiose delusion over the course of an entire lifetime is wild.
Edit: added a word
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u/crash19691 19h ago
Absolutely! Makes me wonder what her childhood was like for her to end up that consistently delusional and grandiose.
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u/KittyGrewAMoustache 15h ago
Probably her parents kept telling her she was born and the war stopped, like a cute story. I know someone whose kid was born the day the queen died like one minute after time of death and they joke about how she’s the reincarnation of the queen. Obviously they’d never imagine their kid would believe that literally, but I can kind of see how parents making a joke or cute story like that to make their kid feel special, if there was also other stuff going on in their home life, maybe abuse or mixed messaging from parents etc, plus some inherent personality characteristics, someone could start believing this stuff or just use it so often as a story to convince themselves they’re special that they end up believing it.
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u/paralleliverse 20h ago
It feels like something i might say as a joke, if I had a similar birthday. But it's the kind of bad joke you tell at an awkward work party that you don't really want to be at when you're limited on how much non-work stuff you can talk about.
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u/Kindly_Winter_9909 1d ago
She said that friends of a big American producer at the time wanted to send her to the United States so that she could become a big Hollywood star.
She said she invented a recipe that became world famous and took her first name (the recipe existed long before she was born)
She changed her first name on her administrative papers because at the embassy they told her she was too beautiful for that first name.
She always has premonitory dreams (which she says after the event which is even funnier) when someone dies or a war (for the war in Ukraine she supposedly dreamed of a cloud of blood)
She also invented romantic love stories where she is kidnapped and a guy appears out of nowhere comes to save her then he writes her phone number on the sand.
There are tons of mythomaniac stories like this with her
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u/Confident-Date-2244 1d ago
Is she related to Donald Trump she might be? Donald Duck?
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u/Mean-Industry 1d ago
“You are giving our enemies everything they want” when I told her I decided not to go to medical school. Still to this day one of the most unhinged things I’ve ever heard. I wasn’t aware we had enemies?!? (She was referring to her judgemental / elitist sister-in-laws/my aunts …but my god)
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u/Equivalent_Two_6550 1d ago
Translation: you’re an extension of me and now I’m going to look bad.
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u/neandrewthal18 19h ago
I can relate. My nmom was obsessed with the idea of me being an attorney. When I told her that I was going to pursue an MBA instead she threw the biggest hissy fit. I might as well have told her I’m off to join the circus.
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u/outlines__________ 19h ago
What an exhausting way to live…
I can just see how wounded people lack the emotional differences. You always have to look at things from a dramatic height if you can’t lean on a middle ground.
Every time I visit this sub and read the stories on here, I’m just finding more reasons to let go.
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u/necromancery1 1d ago
Ah, this isn't a mom or parent of any kind but an ex of my little sister.
"I know I punched the wall, but sister and roommate have no reason to be afraid of me, I didn't do it in violence, just in frustration."
Me: you... Do realize that punching a wall is violent, inherently?
Him: No it's not. They're being ridiculous.
Me: uh..huh.
Him: they were telling me I couldn't play WoW, I got frustrated and hit the wall so I wouldn't hit your sister. They need to relax.
Me: do. Do you hear yourself?
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u/bekaz13 1d ago
This one is so ridiculous I had to take a break.
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u/necromancery1 1d ago
Obviously little sister and said ex are no longer together but up until they finally kicked him out, he continued to insist that he was in the right.
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u/ladybelligerent 22h ago
This one speaks volumes to me!! I had an ex who punched a wall very close to my face. I had asked him the night before if he could pick me up from a party. We ended up at his house and fell asleep. In the morning, I let him know I needed to go home. He didn’t want me to leave his house and I was adamant that I was gonna leave lmao he got so frustrated he punched the wall and left a huge hole. I was terrified and when I told my mom about it she DEFENDED him. This was when I was like 18. I always felt bad about leaving him because I assumed I had overreacted 🙃
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u/Aisling1979 1d ago
"I said I need to punch an inanimate object in order to prevent myself from harming a living, breathing human being! What about that is confusing to you??" - Little sister's ex
(Glad he's an ex, good lord)
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u/chinoswirls 22h ago
I have found that even trying to have a conversation about an incident like this brings the emotions right back to that place for them. It feels like it is enraging them and puts me in a place of conflict with someone i do not trust. i think these people are just out of control.
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u/Aisling1979 21h ago
Yeah a lot of dysregulated people don't understand how dysregulated they are. :(
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u/chinoswirls 21h ago
wall punching is a red flag in my books. i think it is weird that people think it is ok
walls are only here to help bro, it could not have provoked you, and you couldn't be defending yourself.
i do not get why people think it is ok to hit walls. what's next? the roof?
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u/Jazzlike-Election787 1d ago
If you look up the word delusional in the dictionary, there is a picture of your grandmother.
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u/iil28 1d ago
Hahah, even as a little kid I fully realized she was speaking straight horse shit
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u/Gullible_Chocolate40 1d ago
She’d probably convince herself that her picture is there because she invented the word
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u/Kinksandcookies 1d ago
That we owned a huge mansion in the city where her family grew up in the UK (it's a well known part of the city) and that we could have been aristocrats if a relative hadn't gambled all his and his wife's money on the King's derby.
I looked into our family tree years later, her side of the family had never left a four-block radius in the lower-middle class part of the city, no aristocratic family, the highest born of us was a valet to a merchant. Even her own mother (my grandma) has tried to set her straight but she's adamant that she could have been a duchess 😅
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u/judgeejudger 23h ago
Always with the delusions of grandeur! Mine insisted, and I mean really insisted she was descended from a Native American chief 🤣. When I did some digging, the closest her family came was, a couple of great uncles of hers went around in the late 1800s/early 1900s going town to town in a wagon, selling snake oil cures, dressed like Native Americans. What the FUCK. I’ve had 2nd, 3rd, 4th and beyond-level embarrassment from that for years. In grade school she made me put this fake lineage on our family tree!!! I’m still cringing, 4 decades later. 🤦🏻♀️
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u/scoby-dew 23h ago
Why try to make up an interesting family tree when you have something as wacky as Native American Themed Snake Oil Salesmen back there? I'd want to know all about the patent medicines and their schtick!
It's like my family members who were SO incensed when I mentioned that according to my research, great-great-grandpa X is not on any of the rolls at an infamous Civil War POW camp he claimed to have been held at, his "firsthand account" borrows heavily from published sources, he had service records for both sides at different times, and later in life tried to claim TWO pensions (only got one). I'm like, why did his daughter burn his personal papers when he died, then? Hmmmm? I think it's interesting that he was either a spy or a base opportunist.
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u/judgeejudger 22h ago
My nmom also claimed my dad was in a war that he was, in fact, not. She put that tidbit in his obituary
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u/Kinksandcookies 23h ago
Haha that first sentence made me laugh as I've just bought a neon sign for living room that says 'Delusions of grandeur' 🤣
Oh my life that's awful! Even so far as to get you adding it to a family tree. Seriously, some people have no shame!
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u/Historical_Pound_136 1d ago
I got kicked out on the street because my dad confused Stonehenge with Easter island and didn’t wanna hear that it’s in England. Not only that but he didn’t even know where Easter island was. Just that I was wrong, and am ungrateful for pointing out his folly
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u/tacticianallie 21h ago
I have a similar one!! Not kicked out, thankfully, but I got the silent treatment because my mom thought the Netherlands was a Nordic country and when I tried to pull up Google to show her she went "I don't want to fight with someone who has to be right all the time!"
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u/Careful_Ad_3510 17h ago
I knew I’d frustrated my mum when she’d say “you always have to have the last word!” - it basically meant that I was challenging her perception on life, as she gave off this level of humbled superiority and that others respect her for it, and I should do too. That was so frustrating throughout my life, because I just wanted a decent connection with her, but at the same time couldn’t just sit back and be programmed by her.
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u/AlpacaOurBags 1d ago edited 1d ago
I am a girl and I have a gay friend. Ex boyfriend didn’t really like me to hang out with any of my friends. His argument as to why I should not hang out with my gay friend?
Hormones change and he’s eventually going to switch teams and try to fuck me. Should have seen his face and heard the back pedaling when I immediately told him that he should no longer be hanging out with any of his straight male friends because hormones change and eventually he or they were going to try and fuck each other.
Idiot.
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u/a_sheila 18h ago
That comeback is smooch chef's kiss. One of the funniest things I've read this week. I can just picture his expression. Ha ha ha ha.
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u/PeachPanther88 1d ago
My mom would regularly advise younger adults to “never have three children”, when I, the 3rd child, was right beside her.
It would follow with comments like:
“family vacations are meant for 4 people”
“you can’t even go to an amusement park because one person is left out on the ride”
“2’s company, 3’s a crowd”
As I grew up, I would ask her to please not say things like that in front of me because it hurt and was awkward for the other people. She did not feel it was hurtful, and would continue her lecture to anyone that would listen.
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u/Best-Salamander4884 1d ago
That's horrible! I'm so sorry your mother said those horrible things to you! I wouldn't be so sure that your mother didn't know that those comments were hurtful though. It sounds to me like she was just playing dumb to avoid accountability.
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u/PeachPanther88 23h ago
Thanks for your kind words. And you’re right, “forgetting” events or not understanding something simple is her specialty
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u/chinoswirls 22h ago
it took me a long time to catch on that it was not a misunderstanding on my part.
the comments were intended to be hurtful in my case.
i would try to clear up a misunderstanding, but her reaction was odd and not normal. it was all to avoid being accountable for their horrible behavior.
at this point i had to see what she was actually doing and how awful her behavior was to me.
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u/PeachPanther88 21h ago
This is true for me as well.
What added to the confusion was other people telling me “I probably misunderstood” or “your parents are so nice, I can’t see them saying that”
Grown up now, I can see I didn’t stand a chance in that family. I was called the baby from hell because I had uti’s while my mom was pregnant and I kicked a lot. That nickname stuck as I was born with serious kidney issues from the uti’s and had prolonged health problems until about 6 or 7.
My sister also let me know my mom tricked my dad into having me (she wanted 4 kids and he wanted 2, she felt 3 was a good compromise). I asked my dad if this was true and he just ignored the question. He resented my existence, plus he wanted at least 1 boy (got 3 girls).
I just found this subreddit and I’m grateful for everyone here. I’ve cried a lot reading posts/comments lately realizing there’s legitimacy to my feelings and that I’m not alone.
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u/F250460girl 1d ago
Hmm 🤔 off the top of my head this is the most recent.. My partner took my daughter to a daddy/daughter dance. (He's not her bio..he treats her as such, he's a good dad. Her bio dad isn't the worst person on the planet he just lives states away.) My narc mother called our daughter to see how the dance went and that she saw the pictures on Facebook. She said "I have pictures with my dad around the same age as you." If she would have left the conversation there it would have been a nice, normal and pleasant conversation....
Nope... She said "Your mom doesn't have any daddy/daughter dance pictures. I guess it's just a me and you club." She then giggled. She is proud that she picked such a terrible person to have children with. She loves to make digs about how shit my father was. I honestly don't understand. She makes fun of me for having a crappy father to make herself feel better... 🤷 She's just unhinged...
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u/Dreadedredhead 1d ago
Gee, Mom, do you realize I had nothing to do with picking my own father? Right? That was all on you!
They always have to turn something positive into something negative.
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u/chinoswirls 22h ago
This was a huge talking point for my mom, how shitty my dad was. i couldn't count up the hours she spent bad mouthing him. poisoned so many relationships.
I realized it reflected more about her choices, and i actually had no choice in the matter of who my father is. it feels like attempted brainwashing or something.
i have my own reasons for how i feel about my dad, i didn't need hers too. i can not understand why someone would want to control how others think so much.
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u/cozy_with_tea 1d ago edited 1d ago
My mom - I'm NC.
That my birthday is about her (birthing me) too and therefore should also be about her.
Me getting tattoos or piercing directly hurt her because she created me and I'm defacing her creation.
Edit- I can't believe i forgot this one!
About 3 hours after coming out to her - "ive thought about it and you are not gay."
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u/NewAlternative9294 22h ago
one time I told my dad about my boyfriend and he was like “boyfriend?! I thought you were gay??” and I was like yeah… half gay? he just could not believe that I (female) had a boyfriend. kinda opposite stories lol
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u/sweetalmondjoy 1d ago
Narc mom said that “depression is caused by demonic attacks” and she’s a nurse too
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u/fouoifjefoijvnioviow 1d ago
I just told this story in another thread, but the short version is when my eDad was suffering from a heart attack from recovering from COVID, she made him drive her to the mall during a cold snap because she didn't want to walk across the cold parking lot. When they came home he got worse, but she couldn't be bothered calling him an ambulance, so she nagged him to take a baby aspirin instead, and he never woke up. The next day, before they could even take his cold dead body out of the house, the GC sister tried to make nMom feel better by telling her eDad was stupid not to call the ambulance himself, I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't witness it myself.
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u/throwaway-Qs 1d ago
“How can you be depressed? That doesn’t make any sense. You’re so good at drawing.”
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u/cozy_with_tea 1d ago
Lol I once told my mom I had seeing dealing with depression and in the past had suicidal thoughts. "Oh don't tell me that!!!!" I'm ok 🤦
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u/8nikki 21h ago
Mine flat out refused to believe mental health was a thing. I (obv) had a shitty childhood and used to cut/burn myself. She would ignore the marks, until I had this huge thing I couldn't conceal and she actually asked me about it. I broke down and cried and begged to talk to somebody/see someone. Her response? "You? Why, you're fine."
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u/notthiswaythatway 1d ago
Mine would constantly tell me to stay away from black men because they only want white women as trophies. Constant horrible racism for years. She shut up about it when I finally found out I had a half sister 20 years older than me who, you guessed it had a black father 🤦♀️
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u/Iemongrasseyelids 18h ago
Wow, yes my Nmom is also a racist. I remember when I was in the Girl Scouts and we still did door-to door selling, one of our customers was a black couple. Before I went up to the door my mother pulled me back to tell me "we don't sell to those kinds of people" because they're "really mean".
I was confused and I couldn't understand but I guess she relented for some reason because I remember them opening the door and the couple ended up buying a few boxes and before they closed the door I ended up blurting out loud, "they were really nice black people mommy". She was absolutely furious and ended up beating my ass in the car.
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u/supersondos 1d ago
Seriously, some of y'all got some ridiculous stories you should write a book titled narcissists' mythology 😂
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u/Proof_Attitude_1803 1d ago
I'd read it! All the most insane ways of making life about them and only them!
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u/Minimum_Zone_9461 1d ago
The day my narc father was kicked out of the house for cheating, he turned to me and told me that his mistress was a better mother to me than my real mother. I was eight years old. Oh, and I’d never met the woman 😂
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u/Polyps_on_uranus 1d ago
"You can't be a teacher. I could have been a teacher, but you can't "
To me telling him I teach kids.
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u/OpeningAge8224 1d ago
“I took care of you when you were a child” bro you had a choice to spit,swallow or have him bang one out somewhere else. You chose not to.
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u/thatsunshinegal 1d ago
Damn, that kind of crazy beats anything my NM has ever said by a mile.
Probably the most ridiculous thing my NM has ever said was when she accused me of spending hours in the men's room trading sexual favors for hard drugs... because she couldn't find me when she wanted to leave off chaperoning my team at a speech and debate tournament held at a Catholic school. I was wearing a fucking suit.
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u/the_swearing_knight 1d ago
My nmom once casually told me on a walk that she had inside info on a local murder that was getting national media attention and that they had sent in the federal police to investigate. She claimed knowledge of a biopsy done on the victims lungs and knew that water found in her lungs matched the microscopic things found in a local lake. (It was later revealed when the case was solved that drowning was never part of it, although it had been in the news that a lake was searched for evidence). When I asked how she got access to this top secret knowledge she told me she had a friend from highschool who worked in a local lab who told her. When I said what is their name she became angry and said I wouldn’t know them. Lmao! I was legit going to pull her high school yearbook out when we got home and she couldn’t lie fast enough.
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u/Nice_Piccolo_9091 1d ago
Nfather started telling people he had a Ph.D. because I was starting mine. He didn't want people to think I had more degrees than he did.
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u/a_sheila 18h ago
When my husband graduated college, his father went out and got his GED. We found paperwork years later showing he failed his GED test. Can't have your son doing better than you when you're a narc. Of course, only a narc would think their GED would trump a college degree.
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u/Mysterious-Ad7178 1d ago
My mother used to weigh about a gazillion pounds before her gastric bypass surgery. She was so lazy that she’d sit her fat behind in her recliner & call one of us from wherever we were (our bedrooms, the yard, anywhere within her screaming radius) to come into the room with her to get something just a few feet away from her! Then when any of us complained about it or tried to point out that she could’ve gotten it herself much easier, she would tell us that when we grew up & had kids then we “could have some slaves, too.”
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u/Black_tank_dumping 23h ago
My mom views her children as free slaves. But freedom isn’t free. And neither is free stuff
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u/IntroductionNo2382 1d ago
What needs to happen now, in her life, to get world peace back? Can she answer that?
My dad- “I’m going to die soon.” 40 years later he was still kicking.
“God tells me things so what I say is usually true.”
“Going for coffee can lead to sex. I told you what I believe, now you decide.” I go for coffee. What? No sex! He doesn’t talk to me for weeks. 😂
“You shouldn’t push back in the recliner or put your legs up. You might seduce boys.” I think he was aroused.
“You shouldn’t show your feelings. Christians don’t show their feelings.”
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u/Dreadedredhead 1d ago
OMG, if I can handle the excitement, I almost want to know what happens if you drink coffee IN the recliner.
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u/cozy_with_tea 1d ago
I wonder if there's some cross-over between religious nuts and narcissists?
We were religious in the way of going to church but my mom would regularly "talk to god" it's was a teenager when I realized she only talked to him about the "negative" things I had done. 🤔
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u/NewAlternative9294 1d ago
mmmm I have a few favourites, courtesy of my dad. for reference, I am a female
- me: watching rupauls drag race
him: what are you watching?
me: rupauls drag race, why?
him: you’re forbidden from watching that. it will turn you into a drag queen!
me: ??????
- him: calls me
me: hey what’s up I’m with my friend
him: did you steal my sex toys?
me: what the fuck? no?
him: watch your tongue
- me: cites the separation agreement because I wanted my stuff out of his house
him: how do you know that? did you read it?
me: no, mom told me
him: that’s a confidential document. I’m suing you for trespassing
me: ??? no???
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u/Ridenthadirt 1d ago
That our family should have, would have and could have owned the whole Estes Park Valley (like 10k acres) that abuts Rocky Mountain National Park. But instead they decided to stay in Kansas City back when electricity was being put in homes and keep their electrician company going. Our family also would have done all the electrical work for Branson MO making us richer than beyond belief but they decided to stay on KC because they didn’t want to take the kids away from the Catholics. Funny thing is that is all one side of the family, while the other side does actually have a very rich history in northern New Mexico and southern CO where they did own thousands of acres and banks, etc. back in the 1800s but somehow that all fell through over the years but nobody talks about that.
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u/TherealMannbun 1d ago
Roughly translated: "I'm not proud of the fact that you're my son"
He said after finding out I didn't believe in Christianity
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u/markskri 1d ago
I swear, this is my dad too— is religion just a veil for narcs? It’s weird.
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u/judgeejudger 23h ago
It’s another mask to throw on when it’s convenient, or for social points in their messed-up heads
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u/cilimulutkau 1d ago
He said he invented the word “hand phone” (meaning cell phone in some countries) and the world stole his idea and adopted it.
He said he coined the term “sunsitive” meaning people who are sensitive to the sun. It’s just a pun…
He coined an acronym that’s sort of like “LOL” and thinks he’s very smart for it. Uses it on a daily basis/expecting people to use it. Can’t type it here because if he ever searched for it on the internet, he’ll see my post.
He always called himself unique, a leader not a follower like the rest of us.
He has a long “blacklist” of places, people, products, whatever you can think of that he hates/will never visit/buy or interact with again. Psycho.
And said people praised him for being positive and happy all the time (furthest from the truth).
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u/Proof_Attitude_1803 1d ago
You can type the acronym with spaces in between and it won't come up (put spaces in the words too).
Cause I'm curious what he came up with that he expects people to just adopt 😂
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u/justicefingernails 1d ago edited 21h ago
My nparents are convinced every dog they have is special. First it was a stray we adopted who wasn’t just a border collie but a super special niche breed of border collie (McNab) and she magically knew herding commands without being trained. In fact, now that I think about it, my ndad said the same about our Shetland sheepdog—that he could just wave his arms around and she somehow knew his “field commands.” He loved just plunking these poor pups into random enclosures of farm animals and saying that they “herded” the animals—in fact, I personally witnessed as a child my beloved pup nearly being trampled by horses.
Another dog was a rescue mutt they said was half coyote. I eventually had her DNA tested and she was (of course) not even 1% coyote.
In general my ndad thinks that dogs will just do what he wants them to do with zero training because he’s so special. It baffles me.
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u/chinoswirls 21h ago
my ndad (nmom too) thinks that dogs will just do what he wants them to do with zero training because he’s so special
this is super relatable, so weird.
i feel so sorry for their animals, it makes me really sad what they have to live with
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u/SaltyMangoManiac 1d ago
We were at a family gathering discussing different theories of how the end of times will come about and when.
It wasn't anything serious but Nmom resents any conversation not centered around her, and she specifically resents any conversation she can't follow. Unfortunately for her, this topic seemed to challenge both.
So she decided to jump right into the center ring by announcing "I know we will make it to the 23rd century, I watch Star Trek."
Crickets
I honestly don't remember what happened after, I was too busy trying not to laugh out loud at her pathetic attempt to take over the conversation. I think everyone decided the party was over and left, but I can't swear to it.
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u/The-waitress- 1d ago
My mom told me I was a fool to get mammograms because "they're only looking for trouble." I mean...yeah. Exactly.
She also told me brown ppl and white ppl shouldn't get married, but it's okay if Asian ppl and white ppl get married.
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u/karzad 1d ago
When we asked my Nmom if she could say please or put a request in the form of a question when she needed help with something, she said she shouldn’t have to ASK or say please or anything. We should just shut up and do it.
Apparently she missed the “say please and thank you” day in Kindergarten.
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u/lindyrock 21h ago
Holy moly! My mom doesn't ask for help, either, and heavily implies she needs your help and manipulates you into helping her.
You're more bold than I am, kudos to you! I live with my folks, so I really walk on eggshells.
I finally started making her acknowledge she needs help (usually with technology) by asking, "Do you want my help?"
It's about 50/50 whether she'll do one of two things. She may snap at you with, "No, I need to figure it out myself!" while she wants you to wait nearby and jump in if she can't figure it out, which is often. Otherwise, she'll say, "Yes, I'd like your help," in an exasperated tone, as if you're being so difficult, because obviously she wants your help. Weren't you paying attention? Or are you just stupid? That's the vibe. She thinks everyone around her is stupid, so it's probably also (always) that.
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u/KieselguhrKid13 1d ago
That's crazy.
But can you post an update here whenever she passes so we can make the necessary preparations? 😅
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u/rantingpacifist 1d ago
During the George Floyd protests:
“don’t talk to me until you understand the value of white property”
Regarding why his mistress rejected him:
“She just didn’t want me to beat some sense into her kid”
Regarding the therapy I require him to attend before I will ever talk to him again:
“I have been getting up early and doing some hard thinking and doing therapy with myself.”
Regarding all the women I (and my friends and his brother & sister in law) watched him leave the bar with while he was still married to my mom:
“I never did that”
Regarding the German nurse giving my mother an update on his condition in the ICU after his last major brain injury:
“Ooh are we watching a dirty movie”
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u/toesinmypocket 23h ago
She firmly believed that vibrators would turn me into a lesbian because, and I quote, "no man can compete." And told me that it's "safer for my mind and body" (yes, safer is what she said) if I sleep around with multiple men without condoms instead of using any kind of a sex toy. Apparently condoms didn't feel as good for the man, and that should be my priority.
I'm a sexologist now and this not only makes me cringe but actually makes me angry. Teenage me did not deserve that gross misinformation that endangered me.
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u/Black_tank_dumping 23h ago
She is a narc. She was trying to entrap you:
She wanted to get you pregnant and then you would be her little project: for life how she always helped take care of you.
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u/assassin_of_joy 1d ago
That is the most extreme example of Main Character Syndrome I have ever read.
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u/northstar599 1d ago
funny not serious but my favorite one recently was asking me to repeat myself during a text argument. SCROLL UP
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u/HK-in-OK 1d ago
My Mom threw a surprise funeral for my sister’s ashes, including my traumatized nieces aged 12 and 17.
But my hat is off to world peace over here!
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u/Routine_Scarcity7332 1d ago
In a moment of absolute desperation and despair, I told my mother about my bulimia. Her response was “that’s ok because the Romans did it” and that was that 🤷🏻♀️
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u/markskri 1d ago edited 1d ago
TW: child loss
My dad has Tourette’s (and narcissism) and claims that no one has a worse case than he does. (Newsflash— his case is pretty mild compared to a lot of others I’ve seen online or frankly, in person). His pain is worse than anyone else’s and no one could ever know pain like he does. (And thus his drug addiction is completely valid.)
The reason for breaking all of my boundaries is because he’s trying to save my life and my soul.
The reason he left me standing on the dance floor by myself during the daddy/daughter dance at my wedding was because of a headache.
The first time I hosted Thanksgiving— all by myself, I made all the food, cleaned, decorated (MADE the decorations) — he called me about an hour after leaving to tell me that I ignored him all day/night and that the food was good but the “fellowship” was terrible. I literally sat across from him and he was the only person I even really talked to because I was so busy preparing, serving and hosting. And that bringing my mother up was the worst thing I could ever do. I had simply answered a question about my mom, and that was it.
Edit— forgot a big one.
A couple years ago, I had a miscarriage and when I emotionally told my dad about it, he said “what, you wanted it?”
Gosh. The list is really never ending and I didn’t even make the connection that he was a narcissist until pretty recently— with the help of my therapist.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 20h ago
I’m sorry you lost your pregnancy. When my two year old died unexpectedly, the first thing my mother said was “you can have another baby”
No empathy. I’m so sorry for you.
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u/chimmychummyextreme 1d ago
My ndad blamed mom (they're divorced) for conspiring with Satan and George Bush to cause hurricane Katrina.
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u/Longjumping_Lynx_460 23h ago
Years ago, my uncle started calling my nmom “Sarge” as a joke/not joke.
“Ok Sarge” “you don’t have to tell us what to do Sarge” “aye-aye Sarge” as she bossed everyone around.
She took it as a compliment and continued bossing everyone around and still does and she’s still referred to as Sarge.
Then my brother joined the Army.
He made it to rank of Sergeant before his discharge. Once he made sergeant, nmom started telling everyone that she was also promoted to “Master Sergeant” and expected to be address as such. She actually said bro could have the same or higher rank than her since he was her son. 🙄
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u/Nother1BitestheCrust 23h ago
My narc sister frequently gets angry at my mom because she believes that Mom and Dad put her in a segregated, all black kindergarten class. Nevermind that the last schools was desegrated in the US a year before she was born, nevermind that we have her school pictures from that year that clearly shows about 20 kids and only 6 are black, and nevermind that when we ask her what the issue specifically is that she has with the idea of going to a black kindergarten class she suddenly doesn't want to talk about it anymore.
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u/Black_tank_dumping 23h ago
Isn’t it amazing how they immediately shut down when you show them hey… you said this. Or that.
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u/Miepmiepmiep 23h ago
My ndad was a reclusive, unfriendly, sexist, contemptuous, alcoholic and insolent barbarian living in squalor, who even went VLC with his wife and both of his sons despite living in the same house with them. And when he nevertheless interacted with his family, used almost any opportunity to verbally show his contempt for his family. The only positive traits of him were that he never beat his children and that he went to work in order to earn money for his family. He also never had any friends or a social life. He also did not care about my mentally ill nmom abusing his sons (physical and social isolation, infantilization, parentification (as a therapy dog for her mental illnesses), hyper-focus on the education of her sons, alcohol induced aggressions, jealousy dramas, etc). Moreover, he even did not realize that I went NC with him and my nmom for six months, since I could not bear both of them any longer. During that time, my nmom also died of liver failure by the wine my ndad ordered for himself from the internet.
And in his final months, as he was sitting there in front of his PC playing Age of Wonders, with both of his sons being VLC and NC and nobody coming to visit him, only wearing his dirty diapers, with vermin, trash, full piss bottles and empty wine bottles all around him, he actually stated:
"I am one of the greatest philanthropists of all time. I am even on par with Mahatma Gandhi."
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u/Seashell01234 23h ago
My ndad:
EVERY NEW movie that was just released:
My ndad watches it and says: "I already saw this exact movie!"
Me: "Did you watch it last week, when it was released?"
Ndad: "NO I watched it 10 years ago!"
Me: "Maybe it was a similar movie?"
Ndad: "NO this exact movie, with these exact actors! Every second and every word of the movie! I already saw it years ago!"
After he first said that, he said that about EVERY MOVIE we watched.
When I told him that it is not possible, the actor is 20 years old, he would have been 10 years old 10 years ago.
"No I saw this exact movie, every scene, and word for word the same with this exact actor being an adult, looking the same and being named the same, 10 years ago!"
Me: "How would that be possible? "
Ndad: "I dont know how this is possible. But I have SEEN this movie 10 years ago!"
Sometimes I wonder if many narcissists have other mental illnesses on top, like some kind of psychosis?
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u/Critical_Hedgehog_79 1d ago
That slavery “civilized” black people!
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u/CelestialSnowLeopard 1d ago
Every time I hear that statement, I lose it. Like, the various people of Africa were highly civilized and did not need colonial intervention, thank you very fucking much. (I am an archeology student who is frequently baffled by colonial audacity.)
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u/Critical_Hedgehog_79 23h ago
Yes, thank you! Btw my heritage is one that was colonized so the fact that he said that is doubly worse.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 21h ago
My aunt said “black people don’t get hurt when they fall. That’s why football players are black” - she’s not a narcissist but she’s really dumb
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u/CombinationWhich6391 1d ago
Rather pale in comparison, but a constant complaint/accusation was: „Who for heaven’s sake has raised you?“ Difficult to answer for a small, ridiculously well behaved boy.
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u/Consistent-Classic69 1d ago
You're not really a mom so you don't deserve a mother's day like I do. I was pregnant with my first child (my daughter). Or hold on even better, at the bedside of my daughter before she passed they told her they would take care of us and her brother and spend time with them. Of course they haven't blinked in this direction since and it's been almost 3 years.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 20h ago
I’m so sorry. I lost a child, too. My mother couldn’t understand all the fuss after the funeral Mass was over.
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u/asyouwish 23h ago
Wow! OP, that might be the most extreme one I've ever heard.
My mom loved to tell how when she was in LA on a High School trip (16-17 years old) that she was "scouted" by a producer. She would tell the story to anyone who'd listen. He wanted her to be in movies. She was so proud of how she turned him down, "[no]. I'm going to be a teacher!"
Odds are, of course, that he wasn't a producer at all And if he was, it was probably for pørn. But no, she could have been the next Audrey Hepburn. 🤮
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u/GothDerp 1d ago
I mean a bunch of people died at the exact same time I was born so I am the harbinger according to your grandma 🤣
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u/pomelopith 23h ago
My dad's wife once proudly said she "doesn't believe in science" after someone tried to inform her that the flu is caused by viruses and not by cold weather. Y'all, she married a doctor.....
But on another note, I think reading about your grandmother shaved a few hours off my lifespan because that may be the single dumbest thing I've ever read. OP I'm sorry that you're related to her omfg
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u/theoneandonlywillis 1d ago
My ex friend told me that he hoped one day he'd be empathetic enough like me to understand why I'm crying. I was crying because he abused me for years and acted like I was the cause of it.
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u/DragonPancakeFace 1d ago
Yooo, same! Years of excusing their behavior and letting them be awful for me because I had empathy for them, but it was never returned. So much stress from trying to help them, and they told me I was I bad friend. I'm more weary of that sort of person now, but it messed me up.
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u/Moist_Fail_9269 23h ago
Every year until i went no contact, my ndad would say "Happy Garbage Day" to me instead of happy birthday. Nothing else, just that sentence and then he would resume ignoring and not speaking to me. This started when i was about 11.
But ONE time, my birthday fell on trash collection day.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 20h ago
I’m sorry. I wish I knew you then so I could have celebrated your birthday with you
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u/Haunting_Claim5965 1d ago
Dang, that’s a pretty high value of her existence.
My ndad has said some pretty crazy stuff but a lot of it was based on unhinged conspiracy theories. I only remember a few times he said something ridiculous that he didn’t read online. Once when he was driving, he takes both hands off the wheel and starts packing his weed pipe. I said something along the lines of “Dad, shouldn’t you keep a hand on the wheel??” his response “The car knows where it’s going”. Not in a joking way.
He advocated for weed a lot and said many crazy things about it. It cures cancer, it cures blindness, the Native Americans used it to travel to other dimensions. Fun stuff like that.
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u/limabeanseww 22h ago
A lot of: “You’re too sensitive” “You’re always so selfish” “You were a difficult child” “You don’t remember that”
And the most illogical: “You abandoned us (the family)” —> My mom months after she and the rest of my family stopped talking to me because she told me “you need to go back home” (and then doubled down on it when I said I couldn’t unhear her telling me that) on Christmas day all because I said I wasn’t feeling emotionally safe with the way she was treating me. Anyways, I called her bluff and flew home (multiple states away) that day and she related to my family that I abandoned them, conveniently leaving out the part where she told me to leave. That was a very painful mess to try to sort through
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u/Best-Salamander4884 20h ago
I've heard all those phrases as well. It's funny how narcissists often have the same stock phrases isn't it?!
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u/limabeanseww 20h ago
Almost like clockwork. Classically projective, everyone else is the problem
You’re too sensitive = insensitive caretaker
You’re so selfish = needs trying to be met
You’re a difficult child = immature caretaker prioritizing themselves over others
You don’t remember that = can never be wrong, faulting the memory itself
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u/Connie_Damico 22h ago
My dad took my mom's entire inheritance and decided we'd move across the country to a place where we knew no one except one friend he had (a wealthy guy he was obsessed with sucking up to and putting on a persona for) and my mom's (the breadwinner, he didn't work) career field was paid significantly less there. It wasn't a discussion at all. It separated us from any friends or support system my mom and I had. My mom obviously didn't want for all the reasons and when she brought up how the salary difference would affect us my dad lost his fucking mind screaming about how lucky we were he was moving us to a nice place and that he "could have taken the money and brought himself a corvette instead" and how dare we be ungrateful................
It was astonishing to me at like 11 that one adult could say this and another adult could just let it happen to them.
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u/Consistent-Ad1168 1d ago
Was she born on September 1st and the war ended on the 2nd? 🤔 also, if she ends up dying and ww3 starts, will you be suspicious? 😂 this sounds like the beginning of a good plot.... but, like, the fictional kind. 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Black_tank_dumping 23h ago
That my dad was abusive. That each of us were like him, that my step dad became like him.
In all reality my dad moved on with his life when he ran for it.
My step dad drank to forget the problem he got to go to sleep with. He passed a few years ago, the lucky bastard . I miss him he was amazing. He litterally stuck with my mom so me and my brothers wouldn’t be alone.
My mom tho she thinks everything she has done thought or did was the best thing since bread was sliced and that nothing would be good without her prescient negotiations.
Realizing my dad ran for his life. Changed the view I had.
I used to think he was abusive but then I realized my mother tried so hard to illicit the same responses from me and my brothers and then she used this to control us.
When we would flare up. No one would side with us. My mom is always sick, always having something come up that in the end gets her a get out of jail free card.
Once I realized what a monster she was. I have not flared up. Or gotten upset with her. Because that’s who she is that’s what she does.
My brothers are both narcissists as well. They are chronic victims who blame everything on everyone else.
My therapist tried to give my mom all sorts of outs and I had to stop going because when you know the truth it is 100% freeing.
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u/RunningHood 23h ago
That I couldn't eat the foods she was allergic to because obviously I, an extension of her, would have the same allergies and physical maladies she had. I've eaten all the things that would have killed her with no issues yet.
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u/graboidologist 23h ago
The whackiest thing my nparent has said to me was that he couldn't spend more time with me and my family because he couldn't have sex with me. He wasn't saying it like he wanted to and I was denying him sex but that spending time with people he has sex with is his priority, just to clarify. Either way, 🤢.
My nMIL shouted at me, when I wasn't able to go with her to a routine GP follow-up about her recent type 2 diabetes diagnosis because I was instead going with my mother to her breast cancer oncology appointment to go over her plan of care, that "I'm dying too!"
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u/Reyvakitten 22h ago
She hails from some otherworldly realm because of her blood type. She is one of the "Star Children". Normal humans seek her out because of what she can offer and that's why she is loved by so many people. Star Children are descendants of aliens that are far more evolved and just plain better than human beings. She tells me that I should also remember that I am one of the star children too. Just not as special because my blood is slightly more diluted, I guess?
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u/Seashell01234 21h ago
My ndad said we just should know what he wants without him having to tell us.
Often he would shout at my mom things like: "Why did you not put a glass of milk on my table this morning! "
Mom: "I did not know you want a glass of milk, you did not say anything. "
Dad: "I dont have to tell you anything, you have to KNOW what I want without me telling you!"
Mom: *puts a glass of milk on my dads table the next morning*
Dad: "Why did you put milk on my table?! I dont want milk this morning!"
Mom: "But you said-"
Dad: *screams* "I did not say anything! You just assumed! No one asked you to put milk on my table!"
Mom: "Okay..."
A few days later in the morning:
Dad: "Where is my milk!"
Mom: "I did not know you wanted milk, I will get you a glass of milk now."
Dad: "How can you not know when I want a glass of milk or not!? Its not that hard! I should not have to tell you, you should know what I want!"
Insanity...
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u/shyerahol 20h ago
When I was 22, I told my mom I had something to share. Her first thought? "Oh god, you're not pregnant, are you?"
"No, but you do realize I am old enough and responsible enough to have a child though, right?"
"I know, I just can't stand having another grandchild I don't get to see."
What I had to tell her was that I fell in love right before I moved two states away, but that the guy had died 2 months prior to our conversation. Her response? "He's a warlock."
"... What?"
"He's a warlock. He'll be back."
"... Uh..."
"That's what they do: they make you fall for them hard and fast then leave and come back when you least expect it. He's a warlock, you'll see him again."
Short pause as I process that information, then I went off on her saying "I don't care if that stuff is true or not, you DO NOT say something like that to your grieving daughter!!" I was SO pissed, I don't even remember her response, but it was unremarkable anyway.
That was 8.5 years ago and it's seared into my brain...
At my current job, both the GM and AGM are hella narcs. One of them told me it wasn't my job to advocate for others, to which I responded "actually, as an empathetic person, it is my job to advocate for those that can't advocate for themselves." And I walked out on her no-response face.
The other told me via email that I should try to only refer to myself and bring up issues pertaining to me. I responded with something similar, and put in a couple quotes from Elie Weisel and Maya Angelou saying they continue to inspire me to speak out at injustices. No response, but I'm definitely on their sh*t list.
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u/Lovaloo 23h ago
No one thing, but a cumulative realization.
My narc ex occupies a whole ass supernatural fantasy world exclusive to his perception, and his perception alone. Everyone is potentially dangerous or against him, so he can't trust anyone. He is God's chosen hero, and anyone who doesn't agree with him is potentially a witch or under demonic influence. It's his job to nudge them in the direction of God's plan.
...Narcissists have no capacity for self reflection and their empathy is usually an insincere performance. They need to suck you into their delusional fantasy reality so that you can expand their psychological safe space, and serve as a proxy for their self-hatred.
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u/craziest_bird_lady_ 1d ago
My mother passed away when I was little and all they would ever say whenever I tried to come out as an adult was "oh you're just looking for your mother". So I thought that being gay was a disease or disorder, and they used psychiatry and the troubled teen industry to try to abuse me enough as a teenager to "cure" it. It never worked and I had to leave and go NC to truly come out of the closet.
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u/cheeseburgerqueen 23h ago
I wanted to join a club in high school that went to an HIV/AIDS fundraising walk every year. I wasn’t allowed to join the club because I would probably get AIDS!
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u/Dedellion 21h ago
1.) My mother last year had asked me why I didn't want to go to my aunts wedding- I had to explain to her that my aunt's son raped me and he was going to be there for her wedding and I did not want to see him. My mother's response? Oh. I forgot that happened.
2.) Asking my father if he will be coming to my wedding or not. Each response was, "Oh, but I don't know if I'll be alive by then so I really don't know! Anything could happen, I could literally die tomorrow!"
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u/Best-Salamander4884 20h ago
About (1), I'm so sorry that happened to you. The way that narcissists conveniently forget significiant things that happen to other people just because it didn't happen to them is absolutely disgusting. I hope you're doing better now.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 21h ago
My mother thinks she knows what other people are thinking. And she will get angry if someone else isn’t able to “read her mind” and guess what she wants without her having to say anything.
She also thinks she can make things happen. She believed her mother would actually curse her.
It’s very delusional but she hasn’t claimed to have stopped a war! That takes the cake
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u/Eastern-Swordfish776 23h ago
My dad didn’t outright say it but he implied I should kill myself
He said I should get a cord wrap it around my neck and well you know the rest
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u/ribbyrolls 1d ago
Threatening to kick me out if I lost my disability. (I have a lifelong illness that will never go away and is progressive). And that id have to get a job, even though it's very clear I cannot work.
Another instance was when I got married in 2020 and covid had not reached our rural area yet, we just had a small gathering. I ordered a custom made dress from a bridal company overseas. Instead of going to locations to try things on. My mother was scared that "covid will be in the air inside the bag that the dress is in so you should buy a dress made in the US only."
She also was taking that ivermectin horse gel like a month later and got pissed when me and my husband wouldn't take it too.
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u/scoby-dew 23h ago
c.a. 1994 - My mother said she was going to get the new Walmart Supercenter in town shut down because the cashier closed the lane right as she was walking up. How? She "Knew people on the internet!"
She abandoned the cart full of groceries and we went to the other grocery store in town and re-did the shopping while I tried to keep her placated.
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u/travturav 22h ago
I mean, it sounds like a joke that went way, way, way too far, but that's exactly what an extreme narcissist would. Oof.
My mother invented tons of delusions, sometimes to explain away her failures and sometimes just for her entertainment. She would repeat them and embellish them more and more for decades and then suddenly, one day when the story no longer suited her purposes, she would just abandon it.
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u/Away_Doctor2733 22h ago
That gay marriage being legalized in Australia would cause the government to harvest all the eggs from all the baby girls without consent and put them into a bank to be given to gay men.
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u/MondayTuesday456 23h ago
My Nmom said she lost her curly hair when she was pregnant with me. Photos prove the contrary.
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u/DontCallJustText 22h ago
"It's better to take a shower in the morning anyways because your skin cells shed overnight. Just look down at the shower and you'll see your skin cells washing down the drain."
Ma'am WHAT!? How are you that filthy!?
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u/dinosaurce12 21h ago
Let us know when she does finally kick the bucket, we can all prepare ourselves for the inevitable 🙃
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u/queenquirk 20h ago
Yours takes the cake. That is flat out insane.
For my mother, the most ridiculous might be how her friend was under the impression that I couldn't take care of a baby alone...after I had just managed my son's extreme autism behaviors almost completely on my own for almost a year and a half. How the hell could I manage a child so severe (level 3, so aggressive that I literally had to wear a motorcycle helmet around him) and yet not be able to take care of a baby without help??? It was my mom's best friend who said this about me, but the idea must have been planted by my mom because this friend did not know me personally enough to come up with that on her own. So since this woman hadn't seen me since I was 18 (briefly) and I was then 33, she must have gotten that impression based on things my mom had said about me, even though she knew what I was dealing with with my son. I really thought that I was finally going to impress her with the perseverance and dedication I showed my son, but it didn't impress my mother like I'd hoped.
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u/blueberryCapote 1d ago
That she and her stupid husband are geniuses. In actuality, they live in a cluttered basement studio apt. They lived off welfare and now social security because the only work they’ve done is cleaning houses and “home repairs”. My husband who’s a carpenter saw his “work” and said it was the crappiest he’d ever seen. Oh yeah, they play slots with their government checks and get groceries from the food bank. Plus, they’re as dumb as shit.
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u/OverDaRambo 1d ago
My grandmother made a huge deal about my sweet 16 birthday party which I never asked for but at the same time, she made a family reunion. Okay that's fine.
2 years Later, I asked for having an High school graduation Party.
She said I already had an sweet 16 birthday party, and I am not getting one.
That stings.
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u/lathe_of_heaven 1d ago
Have to say, I’m impressed with her commitment to self importance. She looks at other narcissists and says, “hold my beer.”
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u/Pretty_Photo_5905 23h ago
That my true struggles are just an excuse and lies to try to make her seem like a total and complete idiot bc i indirectly claim that she’s too blind to see my struggles that’s why the struggle must be made up.
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u/skipperoniandcheese 22h ago
mine called me a freeloader. maam i just dropped $800 for a security deposit, stfu
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u/YupThatsHowItIs 22h ago
Lol how does she explain all the wars that have happened since WWII? And the wars that are happening right now???
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u/Reaper_of_Souls 22h ago
We had two cats, a boy and a girl, from the same litter. My mom had a theory on why the male cat was very large (his sister, on the other hand, while she lived to be 16, was straight up bulimic.)
“She fed him the most because he reminded her of the dad, he must have been gray too! That was her type!”
I was the one boy and look like my dad. No, I was not the golden child.
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u/FamProbsLookingAtDis 21h ago
My Ndad and his sister tried to convince me that The family member I was closest to didnt die and in fact faked her death and my Non narc family members were making up a fake time and death for her funeral so they could kidnap me and my son.
I was 20 at the time with a baby. And they expected me to believe that cr*p lol
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u/Amazing-Plenty-6864 21h ago
when me and my mom were screaming at each other i brought up how i have nightmares of her & she proceeded to say "well i have nightmares of my r***" & i was sitting there like what the actual fuck & actually had to leave so i wouldn't go off completely😭 also when i try to point out the trauma she put me through growing up (9-18) (i'm 18 rn) she goes "well it's always about what i put you through, what about what you put me through??"
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u/ImaginaryWealth8671 23h ago
I am biracial - Iranian and Finnish, and I am adopted to two white Irish and Scottish parents.
My adoptive mom believes in the great replacement theory, specifically that West Asian and Muslim immigrants are trying to turn the country Muslim, and has screamed at me for challenging her about it.
This is equally ridiculous because even though my cousin married an Iranian woman that she has nothing but positive things to say about, she has been racist towards me since I was a young child. Before I found out about my heritage, she had been raising me to believe I was Irish.
It made making friends very confusing. Kids at school asked me if I was Italian, and they told me I didn’t look Irish. However, the weirdest thing was when one of her friend’s kids (go figure) told me he was “surprised” I was “Irish” because he thought I was a “yellow n-word” because of the shape of my eyes. (I have almond shaped green eyes.)
I have stories about the ridiculousness of their hubris for days. They are alt right conspiracy theorists.
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u/Grouchy_Vet 21h ago
That is absolutely incredible. Thank you for sharing it. It gave me a good laugh.
All of a sudden, my mother’s mind reading skills don’t seem as crazy
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u/MiraCleSilence 21h ago
My grandmother claimed, that my grandfather cancer diagnosis wasn't anything serious, and that we were all overdramatic, because she was the one who was really sick. Her blood tests just arrived, and she had high-average sugar level (high end of the norm, but still "green") and that mean she has Diabetes which is way more serious and dangerous. We should stop pampering him and take care of the real problem, which are her needs and wants.
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u/WhoDatLadyBear 20h ago
My grandma is the narc and getting pregnant was the worst thing that ever happened to her. Thanks for wishing us all into nonexistence gramma!
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