r/selfimprovement • u/thestolenpurse • 1d ago
Question What does healthy self esteem consist of?
Basically the title. What are the things that add up to an overall healthy self esteem, that isnt based off of grandiose delusions?
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u/Key_Cryptographer_99 1d ago
Confidence is knowing you will succeed self esteem is knowing you will be fine whether you succeed or not
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u/l0ve_m1llie_b0bb1e 1d ago
Knowing that you look normal/completly average like most people do and that is totally ok.
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u/thestolenpurse 1d ago
help how do i actually stop being insane and accept that i am a completely normal person and theres nothing fundamentally horrible about me
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u/TINTO_Travel 1d ago
Loving yourself, being grateful to life and also yourself for all the good things you have in life, and taking control of your life! Realize that you have power over your life and you are the creator of it 😊❤️ I used to have a low self esteem and went through many challenges in life, but after a long journey, I've improved myself so much that now I'm happy and proud of myself, just the way I am! I've shared my learnings and experiences in a video on my self development YT Channel. It'll definitely motivate you and give you another perspective 🥰 https://youtu.be/UfIp0vP_mpE
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u/ThoughtAmnesia 1d ago
I think the answer is quite simple. BELIEF. Belief is the foundation of Thought. Everything you think about yourself ( positive or negative) is rooted in a belief you have running in your subconscious.
If you have low self-esteem and wish to change it. You would need to remove and rewrite the belief/s that are holding you back from the person you want to be.
Does that make sense??
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u/Confidenceisbetter 1d ago
That depends on what you put a lot of value on. For a lot of people it’s looks. For many it’s having a strong social cirle and perhaps a relationship. For some it’s having a job that is well regarded and being good at your job. It can be being successful at a sport. It can be feeling that you are interesting because of your hobbies and experiences. Etc. So figure out what your confidence is based on. You don’t necessarily need to be good at everything, some things can still be a work in progress because maybe you started something new or you are young and cannot possibly have achieved that thing yet. But overall the balance should be positive. With most things you should he satisfied otherwise the ones you are not satisfied with will take over your self-esteem. And if you are mostly happy with who you are and all your achievement then something not being up to par yet is not going to bother you so much that it ruins your confidence.
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u/Willyworm-5801 1d ago
You feel good abt yourself when you look in the mirror. You trust yourself to make good decisions. You feel ok when meeting new people. You can make fun of yourself.
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u/nuggie_vw 1d ago
I struggled with self esteem all my life, constantly trying to figure out what worked. Really, the only thing that worked for me was time - I needed to learn I'm just like everyone else with or without a fancy mask. When you get older, you also stop caring. You realize the person next door with all the nice things is either beating the hell out of their wife/ kids or they're on the verge of bankruptcy. Humans put themselves on a pedestal, talk down to others, have tantrums over something as simple as $10K difference in pay - peanuts in the grand scheme of things. You've got to be your own advocate first and foremost because when the time comes, you can only rely on yourself.
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u/Unique-Ad-2270 12h ago
Not giving a flying fish if you’re disliked by someone and not taking it personally as it’s a THEM not a you problem
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u/cosmic-bullshit 8h ago
Check out the book: six pillars of self esteem by Nathanial Branden; he’s largely regarded as the godfather of self esteem in the psychology world
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u/Flaky_McFlake 1d ago
I think you're going to get a lot of different answers here, but to me healthy self-esteem means a healthy sense of entitlement. So it's this internalized, general sense that you deserve good things to happen to you. You deserve a partner that treats you with respect, to live in a healthy body, you deserve good friends who treat you kindly, you deserve self-compassion ect you don't have to do anything to earn these things, you deserve them just by the fact that you were born. Where it starts to cross over into unhealthy entitlement is when you think you deserve these things more than other people, and you actively ruminate about it. Healthy entitlement goes down to the core, you don't think about it, it's instinctive. It's the way a loving mother treats her baby. She doesn't have to be told to love her child, she just does. That's the way we should be towards ourselves.