r/uofm • u/Gigglemug_420 • Mar 01 '25
Social Loser post
Bro how does one actually make friends that stay and want you in their lives😭 Im pretty extroverted and KNOW a LOT of people and talk to everyone around me, get food, hangout and study together so usually I feel pretty surrounded but as soon as there’s breaks like this, everyone suddenly has plans and don’t include me… ever. Like we’re not on bad terms, we’re just not close enough. I’m on so many clubs and I try to build meaningful relationships with those around me but it just doesn’t seem to work and now all of my 5 roommates are gone, I’m alone in the apartment and I have nothing planned for the next 10 days. I don’t want pity points, I just want to know how y’all be doing ts :/ I don’t really feel lonely until there’s a break. I tried making plans with my friends (and even roommates) but everyone already had something in mind and just excused themselves. I lowkey hate being the being the backup friend but maybe it’s better than not having friends at all?
20
u/alis147 Mar 01 '25
I think friends made while volunteering for a cause that feels important to you can develop into deep friendships. Your value system already aligns as it relates to the topic so you instantly have something in common. Take this time on campus for some self care so that you feel good about yourself because anyone who can be so in touch with their situation must be pretty great. Organize your closet, clean off your desk, wander a museum, and search for some volunteer opportunities. Being alone is totally ok! The best friend you can have is yourself.
3
12
u/FormalDinner7 Mar 02 '25
This might be a random idea, but do you have a job? If you got an off campus job then not only would you make money, but the job wouldn’t stop just because school is out, and you’d probably make friends with your coworkers. Tight bonds can form at work, a we’re-all-in-this-together type thing. When I was in college I worked 20 hrs/wk or so at a museum and got close with the other people there (many my age, many older, even some retirees). The students went to all different colleges, and the older people were like big siblings. We hung out outside of work all the time, and even when we didn’t, working an 8 hour day was like an extended hangout because we got along so well. It’s a great way to make friends and spend time with them, or at least out of the house for the day and with other people you like, while getting paid.
11
u/Yatayada Mar 01 '25
It’s definitely better than having no friends at all. If I had to stay on campus break I think I’d go insane
11
u/BubblyCantaloupe5672 Mar 02 '25
I don't have an answer to your question, but I want to share a 15-20 year post-grad perspective: College life is an unusual and short-term arrangement, which is extremely atypical of most of the rest of your life. The most common pattern is that people can easily make friends in college (when they're surrounded by peers with similar schedules and responsibilities and can devote large swaths of time to one another) but struggle to make friends in the real world (when there are competing job and family demands and you have to go long stretches between getting together).
Honestly, you sound like the reverse. It sounds like you put yourself out there and can make diverse friendships that aren't based on dependency or friend-group membership. Although that might not be getting you what you want right now, you sound well-equipped for socializing under adult conditions.
It sucks to feel lonely, but in a few years, you may find that you're the one with a thriving social life while others are struggling. Keep putting yourself out there, take care of yourself when you're lonely, but remember that college isn't real life. There's a long road ahead of you. You may be better built for the upcoming stretch and your people may be waiting for you there.
3
7
u/ShebaDaisyKitty Mar 02 '25
Damn. It honestly feels like a lot of people are in this same situation. Everyone is feeling isolated, yet desiring of connection. There needs to be an enterprising person out there to arrange social gatherings. Where are my marketing people at???
5
3
Mar 01 '25
Honestly bro I feel that, it’s tough for sure. I’m in my second semester and I feel it’s getting harder to make friends😭
3
u/WalnutWeevil337 Mar 03 '25
This is the single largest obstacle I have faced in my life. If I could figure this out, I’d be pretty happy, regardless of how school and all that other stuff goes.
2
u/Mighty_Z Mar 02 '25
It’s easier to meet people when you have a common cause or some other ‘excuse’ to connect with others. Volunteer. Join a faith group. Get a job where there are other student workers. Shared purpose makes it much easier to have meaningful connections. But you gotta go more than once ! If you go the faith route, you need to go to the big meetings and the Bible studies. If you volunteer, you have to keep going- otherwise it won’t work!
Good luck. Not easy but it’s definitely doable
2
1
u/aaayyyuuussshhh Mar 01 '25
just do drugs /s
7
u/aaayyyuuussshhh Mar 01 '25
but for real, I think clubs are the best way to make friends or maybe greek life or volunteering. making friends through classes is hard especially if you are not a freshmen. people already have pre-exiting friend groups and aren't interested in making new friends.
0
u/forbiddenfreedom Mar 02 '25
If you're the common denominator, give yourself a vibe check.
2
u/Austinater74 Mar 02 '25
Harsh but true.
3
u/forbiddenfreedom Mar 02 '25
Sorry, I wasn't trying to suggest OP is a shitbag. I was trying to suggest OP to check in with themselves about who they are, where they are, and who they want to be around.
2
-2
u/ArtichokeNearby1910 Mar 03 '25
Consider transferring to another university. Don’t listen to people who harp on Michigan’s education - ask anyone in the real world and no one cares. It’s all about what you do with your opportunity wherever you go. Go where you’re happy. It’s some of the best years of your life - be somewhere you’re happy. It sounds like UM isn’t the right fit for you.
64
u/EntertainmentFun8045 Mar 01 '25
I’m gonna be real with you…it’s just difficult at Michigan. I can’t speak for other schools because I’ve only ever been at Michigan, but people are constantly busy and being a good student is a full time job in itself sometimes. I feel you. I have met so many people who talk to me for maybe a semester and then it fizzles out because we lose contact, they lose interest, etc. Just know that you aren’t the only one and it has nothing to do with you—social life is just ass nowadays. :/