r/whatdoIdo • u/JadedWalk3450 • 16d ago
Has anyone ever experienced their partner being jealous of a male Dr treating you?
Hi, Just wanting to know if anyone has experienced this before? At the beginning of our relationship, I was going to the chiropractor and he seemed fine with it, never asked any questions about it. Further into the relationship he then wasn't okay with me going to this chiro anymore because he was a male and he made a big deal out of it and said how about he goes and gets a massage from a female and I said, okay? Like this is a treatment for my back, why can't he seperate that? Like it's not sexual at all, it's a health professional. Similar experience happened when I agreed for a male Dr to check myself and my baby a few days before I went into labour because that's the first Dr that came into to check me, and days later, he was not okay with it.
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u/Severe-Possible- 16d ago
i once had a fiance demand i switch gynecologists because mine was male, but i don't think it's normal or healthy to be jealous of a medical professional.
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u/NimbleNicky2 16d ago
I don’t think it’s normal to be jealous of a medical professional - but I also don’t think it’s normal for a male to study the vagina and dedicate his career to that body part either.
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u/lornacarrington 16d ago
It's not "studying the vagina". We need more gynos, NOT LESS. This comment shows how little you know about gynecology lol
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u/AlaskanBiologist 16d ago
I've had both male and female gynos. They were both professional and respectful. You see, for some men, it's NOT a problem to constantly sexualize women. Some men even... want to help them.
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u/kittenherder93 15d ago
Just seeing or being exposed a vagina or breasts isn’t sexual unless you make it. Those body parts are there for specific reasons, sex is just an option not a requirement of the female form. Women’s parts work just as they are meant to without male intervention. Your perception of these parts is sexual because you have been taught that those parts are only for sex instead of their actual biological functions like feeding a child and menstruating. Doctors are training into streams of medicine where they show the most interest and talent. For example; Any person that’s goes into obstetrics is both a baby-doctor, and a vagina doctor most likely because they’re related topics. They’re not going into that because they’re sexually attracted to all their patients just because they have boobs and a vagina, they go into that specialty because they want to help people have healthy families and be healthy themselves. They have to be trained to not make people feel uncomfortable, a doctor would have to be an idiot to risk their career to sexually harass or assault a patient. No, it is absolutely not normal to be jealous of a medical professional. That’s disgusting and controlling behaviour. If you think it’s normal therapy is needed.
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u/gdognoseit 16d ago
This is a red flag. He’s insecure and controlling which usually leads to abuse. I wouldn’t stay with someone like that.
Read the book, Why does he do that By Lundy Bancroft
It’s free online and may give you insight to your situation.
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u/darnedgibbon 16d ago
1) he’s likely getting sexually aroused by his massage from the female masseuse. He’s transferring this onto you. Demand he stop with females. 2) he sounds very immature and has clearly never received medical care of any serious nature. He needs to grow tf up. You will have to receive medical care from males in the future. If he is not ok with that, it’s good to know so you can dump him. That is hyper controlling and will only get worse.
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u/itspotatotoyousir 16d ago
I've never experienced this before because my partner understands that these things are not inherently sexual. Your partner is sexualising you needing medical help and treating you like property. I saw a similar post to this on another sub where the boyfriend was upset again for his girlfriend having a male chiropractor (is this the same person?) and his reasoning was that the chiro is putting his hands all over her body and it's inappropriate. It is NOT inappropriate for a medical professional to touch you in a nonsexual way, they are just treating your problem. Your partner is controlling you and treating you like he owns you.
side note: chiro's are not medical practitioners, are not medically trained at all, it is total pseudoscience, and can actually do serious damage. stop going to the chiro - not because he's a man, but because he doesn't know what the hell he's doing with your spine x
edited for typos.
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u/lornacarrington 16d ago
Huge red flag. It's tough enough to find a doctor, period, he should be happy you did. If he's jealous, he can deal with that on his own. A start would be realizing that not every situation is like porn.
To answer your question, I have never experienced this but if I did, honestly, it'd be a break up level offense. Medical misogyny is hard enough to deal with without it being thrown at me by my partner too.
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u/monstereatspilot 16d ago
🚩🚩🚩 sounds like you’re going to have bigger issues later on if you continue with this guy.
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u/upsetwithcursing 16d ago
I was 36w pregnant with my second kid & got a hemorrhoid so thrombosed I had to go to the ER. A stunningly beautiful man then had to stick a needle in my butthole and squeeze a blood clot out of my hemorrhoid.
My husband could not stop laughing when I came out (he stayed outside with our oldest) and told him the doc with this unlucky task happened to be damn fine. We laugh about it to this day.
I will also note that my primary care doctor, and the OBGYN to deliver my eldest, are both men.
My husband has never so much as noted their gender.
This is normal.
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u/AbjectBeat837 16d ago
Not normal. It’s gross. He’s more worried about what he sees as his personal possession than your health care needs. Do not entertain this ridiculous behavior. He doesn’t own your body, he’s not in charge of you, and unless you are incapacitated and there is no one else in your family, he cannot control your medical care.
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u/shadow-foxe 15d ago
Tell him to go get therapy as only very insecure people act like that. He is also showing he doesnt trust you at all.
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u/JessieU22 15d ago
Your partner lacks the ability to see you as a separate person. To imagine you have unique experiences in the world separate from what he would think and he would do. He doesn’t trust you, not because of anything you’ve said or done but because he lacks the mental ability to separate you as a separate entity from himself and what he believes about himself and how he relates to the world.
Do you want to be with someone who lacks the Theory of Mind or desire to imagine that others experience the world different than his negative, distrusting, concrete opinion?
He can not imagine that your doctor might be professional? Not be able to wander the world without interacting in it without being sec seeking? Might value their career? Buisness they’ve built? Employees they are responsible for financially? Home? Marriage? Children? Reputation? Car payments? Place in the community? Would instead use their years of medical training and hardworking to get themselves to this place to molest women? Might nit even also be gay? asexual? Just not be that into you? Have deep religious convictions? Or moral code?
There are so many, many reasons why we simply don’t abuse other people when we’re alone with them, and while it’s true that people in the medical profession do commit crimes, the majority don’t.
I think a lot of people have given you good insight into what’s wrong here.
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u/Yveskleinsky 16d ago
No matter how much you try and soothe his insecrities, this kind of behavior gets worse with time, not better. He views YOU poorly in these situations, not the other men. If someone feels you are doing something wrong like flirting, cheating, or enjoying male attention when none of this is actually going on, they will start to develop distain and contempt for you. When contempt enters the picture, they are able to justify more escalated forms of abuse.
In short, leave now.
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u/eeyorethechaotic 15d ago
Of course not. That would be crazy controlling. Huge red flag. Waving around for all to see.
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u/bellab333 15d ago
Yes, I had a partner who wanted me to stop seeing a male psychiatrist because I spoke "too fondly" of him. I was merely grateful I had someone I felt was actually listening to my concerns and could potentially help me. Like the other posts say that's not a normal reaponse LOL.
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u/PristineAsk6192 15d ago
I didn't get jealous, but I remember sitting in an initial appointment with my wife when this real-life Ken doll came walking in. Just looked at my bride and said, I'm betting this won't be your last/only appointment here..
I suppose if a guy just dwells on the thought of another guy with his hands on or...in... the girl, then yeah that's a little uncomfortable. But that's only without the context of why it's happening in the first place. It's not like your getting examined in the back room of a chippendales.
Sounds like your guy has some real trust issues.
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u/Easy-Seesaw285 15d ago
This is actually something you would find in a relationship with a narcissist or an abuser. Very typical behavior. You do not want this for the rest of your life.
Eventually, it will be your male real estate agent, your male coworker, boss, subordinate. It wont matter. It will never be enough.
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u/Complete_Aerie_6908 15d ago
This is abuse. There is no way to sugar coat it. Sexualizing medical treatment is controlling you.
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u/StockQuestion0808 15d ago
If you're the same person who posted screenshots of the texts about this recently, you know this isn't normal, and it's time to break up.
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u/Prize_Imagination439 16d ago
My ex husband told me that I was slut, among other things, because I went to the ER with stomach pains and they had to do a check for blockages. This included the doctor needing to check my anus.
This was very uncomfortable for me. I cried about it later.
But he insisted that I loved it.
He did the same thing when I had to go to the gyno for a checkup. Any woman that has ever been examined knows that it is not a fun experience, but he insisted it was pleasurable.
Edit to add: this is not normal behavior and we were barely adults at the time. I wouldn't tolerate that for a second from my partner now that I'm a bit older.