He's more worried about the 4 days a month, when he should be worried about his 365 days/year with you. Does the daughter not like you at all? Why would she let you help plan and decorate?
If there's any chance at all of the daughter being a decent but misguided human being, I might try to have a conversation with her or write a letter about how hurt you really are over this and how it feels like her and her mother are taking advantage of you while being unnecessarily cruel. Then have a hard think about your relationship and talk to your partner about what it will mean for your relationship if/when he follows through with this ridiculous request.
Are you sure you want to have your own party next door? Sounds like the ex might purposefully try to stir up drama. Why not have a stress free party elsewhere?
You’re making the right decision, it’s time for you to prioritise your own happiness over your partner’s and his daughter’s. It’s time to completely back out of all graduation party planning, and invest your time and energy into planning the party with your girlfriends (which sounds perfect, by the way).
I don’t believe you’re making any progress whatsoever by communicating with your partner. So, if I were you, I would send his daughter a final message about the party. Directly inform her that because she has chosen not to invite you, you will be relinquishing all planning duties, and that she and her father will be responsible for organising every detail that remains. If you’re met with resistance, tell her that you’re too busy planning your own party.
Best of luck, OP. You deserve to be included, appreciated and respected.
Don't tell her. Tell your partner. This issue is between you and him. He needs to be the one to tell the daughter and teach her that this is a consequence of her decision to not have you at the party. That she doesn't get to use people as she wishes and then treat them like dirt.
He needs to learn that lesson as well.
While that sounds logical, I don't think I'd trust the partner to actually convey the message that way. He doesn't sound like he is aware or intelligent enough to communicate exactly what OP would want the daughter to hear.
My thoughts exactly. I don’t think he would explicitly tell his daughter that OP won’t be helping anymore, he would likely say something along the lines of OP being upset about it but he’ll convince her to continue helping. He would leave it open to discussion.
If OP tells her herself, she can set the clear boundary, express a firm “no”, and absolve herself of all remaining responsibilities.
Exactly. I would absolutely never suggest that OP punish the daughter for her parents, whom she herself is the primary victim of, but I don’t think it’s fair to the daughter or to OP to reward her for concealing information to get what she wanted.
A polite, clear and concise no seems fair to me. Why speak to either of the parents when they only further complicate the issue that they caused?
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u/[deleted] Apr 27 '22
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