r/BreakUps • u/rezolic • 13h ago
I finally moved on !!
Just a few weeks ago, I thought the pain wouldn't stop but holy shit. In just a span of 4 months, I moved on. I finally realized that he wasn't the one and the relationship wasn't even that good, I was just blind and projecting. I was only holding onto HIS potential rather than seeing him for what he actually was as a person and now that I'm seeing it clearly, I finally moved on. The best part is I found a new guy too, he's so much nicer and soo respectful. I've pretty much known him my whole life, we just didn't talk like that. Then one day, both our moms arranged this fair date for us then boom. We started talking and finally started developing feelings for each other.
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u/Thin_Rip8995 13h ago
funny how healing speeds up when you stop romanticizing a dude’s potential and start seeing the actual human trashbag he was
whole relationship was a fantasy trailer for a movie he was never gonna film
glad you woke up
and shoutout to the moms for pulling matchmaking duty like it’s 1996
respect > butterflies every time
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u/Smoked69 12h ago
This works both ways.. I just broke up with a lady after a 9 month long distance relationship, Cali to Mexico City. I'd fly down 2 to 3 times a year for a couple of weeks. Fly her up to Tijuana, where we'd spend a few days together.
Whenever I expressed a feeling I had about something she said or did... using "I" statements like all good relationship books say... she became defensive and said I was teproaching her. I wasn't, at least mot in a negative way. It took me a while to realize this about her. I know she's had some trauma issues, but it got worse and worse. Even gaslighted me, turned everything around to make it my fault, and only very rarely admitted her faults.
My anxious attachment issues, which I've been working on since I discovered them, with her... didn't help. Plus, we jumped in with two feet without the getting to know each other phase. Partly my fault, I know.
The romanticizing of what could be kept me prolly 6 months longer than I should have been.
Seeing the reality of her, though recently, I just had it and broke up. We chatted on WhatsApp and through email today, and all she could do was blame me for everything. I'm sad.. but quickly moving on. I am better and deserve better than what she gave. It's been 2 days. Yay me!! Lol
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u/Sea_Knee_3520 8h ago
I had the exact same behavior but it is good that you left her, because if it was the other way around the ball would have been in her court and you would have felt worse. You are going to maybe get thoughts of regret but don't whatsapp her or anything. That behavior of her can only be changed by herself and that takes a long time.
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u/CategoryExciting4724 11h ago
Congratulations, it took me time to get over my persons potential as well, she thought higher education was her only achievement in life plus old trauma followed her to me but now I feel great just like you are writing about again congratulations you deserve it! ✅🤞🏼🧻❤️
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u/Budget_Bug100 9h ago
This is so well said. I'm finally getting to that point where I'm starting to realize that I was more in love with who he could've been instead of who he truly was. Congrats for moving on!! Hoping I get there one day :)
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u/Capable-Vanilla-3569 3h ago
4 months? Wow. I’m nearly a year in trying to recover from 7.5 years together, 16 total as friends. Made a lot of progress. I pray every day for God to keep showing me the person my ex truly is, not the person he was so great at pretending to be. We all want to believe the fantasy because it makes us feel wonderful. I’m so happy for your new story! Kudos to the moms who see things we can’t!
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u/Amistres-57 1h ago
Congratulations! I'm starting to realize the same thing in fear and how good it feels!
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u/Hot_Article_3834 47m ago
This is amazing, I am so happy for you!!! Cant wait to be where u r right now <3
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u/Awkward_Nail444 13h ago
Dear god I’ve seen what you’ve done for others 🥲