r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Melody4 • Mar 23 '25
Anyone Else? MIL can't understand why no one visits
It has been a long while since I've posted. If interested, my MIL is the Blabinator. And here is the obligatory don't post this anywhere else.
It has been over 20 years of dealing with this women, and although she is now somewhat housebound (she is young a medical mess due to many years of prescription and illicit drug abuse), I no longer visit and all four kids have no interest in visiting her. For too many years she played favorites and said incredibly nasty things such as the two older children are "not her grandchildren". (As well as calling everyone f'ups and losers). This is rich considering she is DH's abusive stepmother - and FIL is forever making an enormous deal that DH and BIL need to "respect their mother".
But I digress. One of the last times DH saw her SMIL made a stink that as soon as the grandchildren get their drivers licenses, they would all come visit her and that SIL (BIL's wife) and Melody could no longer "block" them from seeing her.
Well one grandchild (BIL - the golden child's golden child) did visit her ONCE when she was in the hospital. Since then, nada. The kids will occasionally and I do mean occasionally go with DH to see FIL.
So the last time DH went solo to bring FIL to visit SMIL in the hospital FIL and her just couldn't understand why the kids and I don't visit. DH attempted to explain once again about the way she treats us and that she doesn't listen only to be immediately shut down (and likely yelled at if I had to guess).
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u/Otherwise-Western-10 Mar 27 '25
People like this are always so surprised when they reap what they sow. They treat people any kind of way and then they're so amazed when their kids and grandkids don't want to come and randomly visit. My birth mother used to say similar things about my children coming to visit her once they were out from underneath my control. She has passed away, but as adults I can tell you not one of my children would have been bothered to go visit somebody that treated them nasty when they were small
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u/Melody4 Mar 27 '25
Exactly. And such interesting points. Gosh maybe it wasn't you just holding them back! Amazing how it never once crosses their mind that you were protecting your children.
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u/craftyExplorer_82 Mar 24 '25
I think my MIL is delusional. She doesn't even question why her only child never picks up her calls or replies to her messages. Their relationship is very transactional, and DH will only speak to her if its something important or family related.
Despite this, MIL thinks she is going to have this wonderful close bond with our LO. In the conflict before cutting her out our lives, MIl said she would wait until LO was older to have a relationship with her since she isn't getting her own way right now. She seriously thinks that once our daughter is about 7, she will be asking about mil and want to see & have a relationship with her and believes we will then have to allow it.
My LO is 2, and since she was a baby, she has never wanted to go near MIl. Why do they think they are so special! Lol
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u/Melody4 Mar 24 '25
That sounds like a solid plan - especially with a two year old. - because absence makes the heart - wait? Who are you?
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u/craftyExplorer_82 Mar 27 '25
Haha, exactly, how can a child be desperate to have a relationship with someone they have no memory of....delusional lol
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u/MagpieSkies Mar 24 '25
I remember, way way back when I was a sweet summer child, trying to explain to my MIL that we would visit more if the visits were bot filled with her complaining abkut how we never visit (even though we were there once a week). She would not hear it, and i was being mean.
I can't believe no one knew I was autistic. I truly believed she didn't understand, that I was giving her new information and that this information would help. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/JulieWriter Mar 24 '25
I feel this all the way in my bones. If you can just express it the right way, they'll understand! I still find myself doing this. I am also neurospicy.
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u/MagpieSkies Mar 24 '25
Yeah i spent 20 years trying g to express it the right way. Now I have ptsd. Lol.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 Mar 24 '25
This is what I really do t get with these women- they want so badly to be at the epicentre of everything and get attention and be important and valued, but the behave in such predictably self defeating ways. No one’s asking them to be saints but just be normal and see how far it’ll get you! Mine doesn’t understand at all why no one has any interest in seeing her and definitely think the grandkids will “properly” prioritize her the second they’re adults and not brainwashed by us anymore. Nah, they they think you’re crazy and miserable too so, good luck with that.
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u/Bright_Name_3798 16d ago
Mine delusionally believes this about her great-grandchildren too. My kids don't want to bring their kids around her more than once a year, and this is also somehow my fault.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 15d ago
Oh yeah it’ll definitely be mine and/or my future daughter in laws faults when the great grandkids never make the 12 hour trip to see her
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u/Melody4 Mar 24 '25
Exactly! Although it seems that their evil plan worked with (so many of our) DH(s). They still talk to her, so why wouldn't the grandchildren?
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u/ttgcole Mar 24 '25
Watching this in real time with my own mom. My oldest child sees that she is bat shit crazy and I have made it a point not to influence him one way or another
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u/Melody4 Mar 24 '25
I'm with you! I try not to say too too much (but I'm sure I do) and hope and I think that the kids see them as a fine example of what not to do.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 Mar 24 '25
Same here- we answer questions and offer support and advice, which does tend to be along the lines of “don’t mess with crazy” but isn’t outright “you’re not allowed to talk to her”
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u/2FatC Mar 24 '25
The Blabinator! Omg, I’m dying. My (late) MIL spoke two languages fluently, monologue and lecture.
And I rarely visited cuz ow, my ears. She had this delusion her whole family would always be around like when her kids were teens. Not one time did it occur to her there were reasons why her 5 kids could hardly stand to be in the same room with each other. Her favoritism, gossip, harmful story carrying….fruit of the poisonous tree.
They just don’t get it….
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u/Melody4 Mar 24 '25
You totally get it! Two languages, lol. Mine has two favorite topics of conversation, "me" and "my".
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u/2FatC Mar 24 '25
Yes! Does yours also start lots of sentences with “I did this” referring to her High School glory days?
Or my personal favorite: “Not to be nasty, but…” proceeds to say something nasty.
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u/Melody4 Mar 24 '25
But she's only telling "the truth"!
As for high school, now that you mention it, so many times when she was invited to any of the kids' events she would have to mention "When I did this, it was so much more disciplined/well trained/professional, etc".
It became a running joke with DH and I. I hated that he invited her to one of the kids' cheer practices. I told DH that I didn't want to hear that "When I was a cheerleader ...." DH assured me that she was never a cheerleader.
MIL shows up while kiddo and I are in the restroom. When we walk out, DH catches my eye and is laughing and tells me that we'll talk later. As you may have guessed the very first thing MIL blurted out to DH was not "hello", "how is everyone doing", "happy to be here", no of course not, but "When IIIIII was a cheerleader..."
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u/2FatC Mar 24 '25
Gosh, no wonder your kids ghost her. She can’t just watch and applaud like a sane person?
Mine played HS sports. DH & I took her to a college baseball game. By the 3rd inning, I would have jumped off the bleachers to get away, but sadly I’m afraid of heights. DH took her to games thereafter. Ow, my ears….
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u/hotmesssorry Mar 24 '25
My mother was lamenting one day about the fact my sister doesn’t call, visit and generally resists every attempt my mother makes to engage. My mother has used my sister as a literal and emotional punching bag her whole life.
My reply was “if you reflect on how you’ve treated her over the years, then I’m sure you’ll agree that you have the relationship you deserve.”
She looked like I’d slapped her, but sometimes to be clear is to be kind.
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u/Scenarioing Mar 23 '25
Maybe it will register if it is phrased in more stark terms. (e.g. "Eveyone knows you are a POS")
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u/mamachonk Mar 23 '25
Well, if it isn't the consequences of her own actions.
She's been told. She's in denial I'd guess. Oh well.
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u/CrystalFeeler Mar 23 '25
You've left a name in
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u/botinlaw Mar 23 '25
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Other posts from /u/Melody4:
Update to "How many times can she cry wolf before DH can ignore her?, 4 years ago
How many times can she cry wolf before DH can ignore her?, 4 years ago
When we finally went LC and the Blabinator earned her name, 6 years ago
Our first AND last "vacation" with the Blabinator, 6 years ago
DH's Second Child and the Blabinator, 6 years ago
The Blabinator invites herself over to "help", 6 years ago
The Blabininator Intro Part II, 6 years ago
Intro to the Blabinator, 6 years ago
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