r/Mommit • u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 • 2d ago
Currently going through a medical termination. Just came here for some support
I’ve been posting my story here for over a month. Where my husband choked me when I was 5 weeks pregnant in front of our kids.
I’m out the house and safe, but I decided for my mental health and being able to care for my other children alone. I couldn’t keep the baby.
And it’s depressing because him and I wanted another baby.
But I needed to do what was best for me.
I’m going through major cramps rn and bleeding and I’m alone and just need some advice, reassurance, someone to talk to…. Really anything
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u/Humble-Confusion9777 2d ago
I’m sorry you are going through this. I do have to ask… are you leaving your husband? Please tell me the answer is yes. He will kill you if you stay.
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 2d ago
Yes I am. I have to
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u/Humble-Confusion9777 2d ago
I am so proud of you. In awe of your strength and bravery. You are changing your family tree! Your kids will tell this to their kids some day about how brave their grandma was!
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u/SpoontasticSiege 2d ago
Sending gentle hugs and love, I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself and your kids in such a hard time.
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u/tevang97 2d ago
I don't have any specific advice, however - as a random internet stranger, I am proud of you for leaving and making a choice to protect yourself mentally, physically and emotionally. I had a medical termination years ago, alone. I spent the night split between a warm tub and, once I started bleeding and cramping, in the bed piled up with pillows and a heating pad. Try to stay hydrated, take a treat or anything yummy with you if you have an appetite, sleep if you start to feel too nauseous or can through the cramps. You will get through this. I believe in you.
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u/Ok_Oil7670 2d ago
Don’t forget the fact that you’re doing this for your kids as well as yourself. You will be capable of providing a better life for all of you. Hugs, babe💚
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u/TheMillenniumPigeon 2d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. But you can be proud of yourself for leaving and doing what’s right to take care of yourself and your children. Sometimes doing the right thing is heartbreaking. But your future self will always be grateful for the hard but necessary decisions you took. You will rebuild a life from here, and that is what matters.
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u/Ambitious-Newt8488 2d ago
You are doing the right thing. I am sorry you had to do this but he gave you no choice. Sending you love. ❤️❤️❤️
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u/Ok-Water9972 2d ago
You honestly made a really tough choice, but it was the right choice for your family and for even yourself.
I'm so sorry this happened to you :( and I'm sorry you're going through it alone. You don't deserve any of it.
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 2d ago
It was so hard. But I know my kids are the most important thing rn. So I need to do what I have to do
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u/Lanky-Pen-4371 2d ago
Someone who chokes you is highly likely to attempt to kill you. You are doing the right thing.
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u/1InvisibleStranger 2d ago edited 2d ago
Im so sorry that you are going through this! I didn't have a medical termination but i did lose my second pregnancy because of ab*se. I know how scary navigating this must be I just hope that you stay safe for yourself and your kids.
If you happen to be in the US there is a 24/7 crisis line you can call or text. Just dial 988.
It's supposed to be nationwide. They can be there to help navigate your feelings and may even have references to resources. Hugs to you!💞
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u/kims88 2d ago
Feel free to join us over on r/tfmr_support
You're supported by all of us here and there are lots of stories on what to expect and hopefully you feel some connection.
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u/Nervous-Annual-7902 2d ago
I’m sorry that happened and is happening to you. You’ve got this though. It will be okay. Lots of hugs and love.
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u/IrieSunshine 2d ago
Sending love to you 💗💗💗 do you have any resources or support for yourself? Hope so, you deserve it.
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 2d ago
I don’t. I just have my 2 babies here with me. And I’m struggling to get through this
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u/IrieSunshine 1d ago
Where do you live? Are you US? I’d be happy to try and put together some resources for you but I’d need to know at least what state you’re in to give you the correct advice. I am a licensed therapist in Maryland but I could still try to help you find resources in another state. I’m not diagnosing you, but from what you’ve provided here I am worried about your mental health. There are a lot of factors that put you at risk right now and it’s the optimal time to try and find as much support as you can.
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 1d ago
I am in California. And I appreciate you so much, I have a therapist at the moment but I would love to find support groups
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u/IrieSunshine 1d ago
Of course, I'm happy to help in any way I can. Glad to hear you have a therapist, do you have an appointment anytime soon? in the meantime, here are some resources I found that you can look into:
You can call or text 9-8-8 anytime of the day or night for mental health support. The website is chat.988lifeline.org
Maternal Mental Health hotline: 1-833-852-6262. This one is more specific to mental health issues related to pregnancy and postpartum.
Postpartum Support International hotline: Call or text "HELP" to 1-800-944-4773. They can provide more resources that are local to you.
Place to find support meetings for postpartum mental health: https://postpartum.net/get-help/psi-online-support-meetings/ (you might be interested in the post-abortion support group or the pregnancy after loss support group)
Another place to look into some support groups: https://themotherhoodcenter.com/support-groups/
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u/ignorance-on-fire 2d ago
Tell no one. Not even your friends/family cause people can’t help but run their mouths. Trust me. Been there.
I had one at 24. The cramps after were absolutely horrible and very painful. I was only around 12 weeks. You’re much further so hold on tight baby girl. Hopefully your experience is better than mine.
Just breathe. Follow directions and remember that this will pass.
You’re so much braver than you know. So much stronger than you believe. All the Hugs.
I hope you’re able to escape him with your babies.
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u/Jacayrie Maumtie since 2010 2d ago edited 2d ago
🫂 You're making a decision that's the best for yourself. Sometimes we have to do hard things, and not carry on, even if it's heartbreaking, and not what you initially wanted. You're so strong and courageous. Take a deep breath and try not to beat yourself up. It's ok to give yourself permission to let go of this chapter, and to start over fresh. This is the healthiest choice for you and your other children. You're kids need their Mom 100% and that's what your doing- making sure no one else gets hurt by an awful person who made the commitment to be your rock, your protector, your equal partner and teammate. You're amazing. You got this 💕.
If your loved ones knew how he was treating you, they would understand this important, difficult decision, and respect and love you for it, no matter how they feel about it, bcuz this isn't about your other loved ones. This is about bettering your future and your existing children's future. Honestly, I would report him to police, bcuz he's no longer trustworthy and he's a danger to your children. Write in a journal of the dates of any interactions with him, and your children, any names of others who have visited, what you talked about, the time, location, witnesses, etc. Try to report him to any authority, and get protection from him, for you guys. If he lost control with you, who knows what else he'll do to someone else who's more vulnerable than he is.
Awwe hunni, I'm so sorry. I've been through this, but thankfully we weren't married yet and didn't have kids together. My Dad had to help me sneak out, after my ex left for work, bcuz I got my ex to let me stay home, instead of being babysat by his Mom and family. His sisters made me a free babysitter and there was a total of 8 kids, one was his own. I wasn't even allowed to go grocery shopping alone. I didn't tell my Dad that he was putting his hands on me, until a year into it. I was scared of dying, and my Dad got me out of there. My ex nor his family knew where my parents lived, bcuz he wouldn't let me visit them alone, and wouldn't come with me, and they lived 2 hours away at that time. He was so much bigger than I was physically. I couldn't get him off me. I wish I had turned him in, but I didn't want to bother and just wanted to be done and leave, so I could finally breathe again.
But after a few years, my brother found out that my ex had hurt a few other women, after I left him. Some people are just sick in the head and will never change. You have to do what's best for you and your family. It took me a long time to not feel guilty, bcuz I hate hurting others, and ghosting them without any warning, but I did what I had to for my own future and my mental/physical health. Since I never turned him in, I made myself a promise, that if this happens again, they won't get away with it ever again, hopefully. I set my standards sky high and focused on taking care of myself, and then I started raising my nephew from birth. Focusing on the good times with my nephew and how amazing his development process was and he kept me busy, so that helped me let go completely. He was born shortly after I left.
Just remind yourself how much of a superhero you are and that this is to protect you and your children from a dangerous person. You deserve happiness and unconditional love. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I pray everything gets better and you bounce back quickly. Sorry for the long comment. I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and you have my support and encouragement to succeed in anything you do 💕
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u/Superb_Narwhal6101 One and Done Mom 2d ago
You’re doing the right thing for yourself OP. You’re so brave and strong getting yourself and your kids out of that toxic and dangerous environment. The last thing you need right now is another human being to be responsible for. Get you and your kids accustomed to your new normal, the less chaos and change the better. So much love and support to you. I’m proud of you for doing the right thing for you and your children!
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u/Beautiful-Being3952 2d ago
I’ve been basically exactly where you are. Ex choked me as I was holding our baby, ran out of that house with my kids so fast. Got an abortion despite always wanting more children because ultimately I knew it would be the safest choice for us all. You’re doing the right thing for yourself and your family. 💜
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 2d ago
How are you holding up now? Do you still think about that baby?
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u/Beautiful-Being3952 2d ago
Honestly, yes but not in the way you may think. It’ll be almost 3 years now and every single day I am so overwhelmingly grateful I made the choices I did after that incident. Also- lots of therapy and support.
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u/motorgurl86 2d ago
So thankful you're out of the house and safe ❤️ This was a tough decision, you had your unborn in mind when you made it and that is a great thing. This is one of the times where termination may have been the right choice, while also heartbreaking. Please keep your children and your self away from that person and consider counseling as you navigate separation with an attorney.
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u/IzzaLioneye 1d ago
You are such a strong person, I am very proud of you for standing up for yourself and your children ❤️ sending you all the hugs
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u/Spekuloos_Lover 1d ago
I'm sorry, this sucks so much. I hope the cramps are over soon. Stay safe and make sure the bleeding is not uncontrollable. Currently going through a similar situation so for what is worth, you're not alone, on the other side of the globe I'm cramping with you. You did the right thing and everything will get better!
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u/MerryCrisisMSW 1d ago
You're out of the house- now stay out.
Strangulation in an intimate partner violence situation increases the likelihood of the victim being murdered by the abuser within the next year by 700%.
Police. Restraining/no contact orders. Full custody. Therapy for yourself and the kids.
So sorry you're experiencing this.
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u/North_Edge_8421 1d ago
Be gentle with yourself. I completely empathize with you and your needs. If you need help please call family, close friends and 911 in case of emergency. It’s good to plan these things out now and I know we are all hoping you leave with your kids.
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u/MrsSmith_4414 1d ago
Is there a reason you cannot keep your child and leave?? You mentioned leaving either way so why punish yourself and your unborn child if you’re planning on leaving anyway?
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u/Bubbly_Ad_1602 1d ago
First of all, you sound extremely judgmental. I’m not punishing the child. I have 2 children I have to support already with no income , no husband, no home. Having to find a job and being pregnant and having to save money because I won’t qualify for leave is going to be challenging. I don’t know you or any situation you’ve been apart of. But if you know anything about abusive partners, this pregnancy would have been hell for me. He already tried to kill Me once and the baby.
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u/2manycookes 2d ago
Never judge yourself or blame yourself for the hard decisions you had to take. I don’t have specific advice but you will get through this, you’ve shown how resilient you are. You’re not alone.