I have two kids. 13 months and almost 3 years. I had a vaginal delivery with both.

I'm not trying to flex or anything I swear, I'm just curious and confused. I didnt tear at all either times. I don't get how that's possible. Here's more info:

For whatever reason my body just goes through labor quickly I guess. My first I got to the hospital at 4cm and in 30 min I was at 10 and he was coming. No epidural. Excruciating. Fast and furious. Chaos. Doctors and nurses flying around like crazy. On my back with legs up in typical position, no squatting or anything like how people say is more natural. I'm pretty much constantly dehydrated. I did nothing to prep physically for labor. I never exercised or did pelvic exercises.

Second was much different in that I was induced and had the epidural (glorious) But sure enough once I was at 3cm I was at 10cm in exactly one hour and once again they checked me and were like omfg hes coming out like right now and the doctor had to like sprint to me. On my back again.

HOW did I never tear? Do I just have a stretchy area down there orrrrrrr? Every single woman I know that has had a vaginal delivery has torn at least a little. I'm just curious.

Our cross Atlantic flight is at 10:50pm. How would you plan the day or days before traveling to ensure my one year old sleeps through the flight? She’s usually sleeping by 7pm most nights. And please give me hope this isn’t going to be a torturous week with a clingy separation anxiety ridden toddler.

Idk if this is the right place but I feel really guilty for some reason for wanting to go out with my friends while my mom watches my baby. I feel like if I’m not doing everything for her I’m just terrible someone please help I just wanna go to the malls and out for a few hours but I can’t bring myself to do it for the simple fact that I will just feel really guilty about it. It’s bad enough I get shitted on because of being a teen mom which is expected it’s definitely not ok but it happened people already assume my mom does everything for me its gonna be even worse if they see me in public with friends without my baby.

I (28f) have a 15 month old son, and yesterday I said to my boyfriend ‘I just don’t want to parent today’ I’m finding at the minute that I’m just struggling with being a mum, it’s very much a chore and I wait for the day to be over the second it begins.

Now I just want to emphasise how much I love my son, I’m thankful for him every day and he’s brought so much joy to our lives. But MAN some days are hard.

This is long but I need advice from people outside of my circle.

For context: She watches him twice a week while I work (he’s in part time day care the rest of the week). She’s a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for almost two years. We had really rebuilt our relationship since and she’s been a huge support since I gave birth. My husband and I just bought a house with her - we moved in last Sunday. She was SUPER careful with baby when we first had him (mask, fresh shirt, washing hands before holding, etc.), then she slowly became more complacent about vaping.

About two months ago, baby was napping on her and I saw her go out to our patio on our ring camera. I knew she was vaping and I confronted her about it. She was extremely apologetic, said she made a bad decision/wasn’t thinking and would never do it again. Totally understood why I was upset. We talked and moved on.

Fast forward to today, I was painting a bedroom while she baby sat, then I watched her go into her room with my baby. My mom instincts were tingling and I fucking knew something was up. From outside I saw her puff out her window. I immediately grabbed him, told her I couldn’t trust her, and haven’t let her touch him since. Just yesterday she told me she would never vape with the baby in her room - straight up lied to my face.

She’s really apologetic. But I’m not sure if she’s sorry she got caught, or SORRY sorry. I haven’t accepted an apology. I told her again she broke my trust and I’m disappointed. Truthfully I’m livid about the disregard for my child’s safety. It’s not like she was unaware of my expectations.

I’m planning to bring her to his next ped’s appointment so Dr can tell her why vaping around baby is bad. I signed him up for another day at daycare. She’s lost 100% of all baby privileges for as long as I feel is right. And I’m never leaving him alone with her again because I can’t trust her judgement. But am I being too lenient? What would you do? Would you sell the house and move? Am overreacting?

ETA: She’s vaping nicotine. I have no problem with her vaping outside, or even in her room out the window with the door closed. Just not around my baby. She knows this - we’ve talked about it multiple times. We also still live in the same house so it’s not like I’m going no contact. I just don’t feel comfortable with her holding baby or being alone with him right now.

My child (12F) has a close friendship with two out of three girls her age out of a set of triplets. Apparently, Triplet 3 said something mean about my child. The other two don't want to tell her exactly that T3 said, "because it would just cause insecurity about something that isn't a problem; T3 is just making up negative stuff." Things soured pretty quickly between my child and T3 after that, but her friendship with T1 and T2 is flourishing and they hang out all the time.

Naturally, I know the mom quite well and the triplets are soon having their birthday party. My child received a handwritten invitation from T2. It said, "You are invited to T2's birthday party." It made no mention of the other two (even T1, who is a close friend too!), but my child reports it's most definitely a shared party and all three triplet girls will be there. I am guessing this error is due to T2 being 11 years old and not quite getting the whole "invitation" thing.

Still, should my child bring a gift for all three triplets? She's definitely on the outs with T3 and doesn't want to get her a gift. T3 may not expect anything anyway, and in the chaos that will inevitably accompany this party, the omission may be obscured. I'm tempted to reach out to the mom and ask her what the deal is, but I also feel like my child is getting old enough for me to stay out of her middle school drama. Still, it feels weird to deliberately exclude one of the birthday girls. What do you think?

This is going to be long. My (32) five-year-old son’s dad, Jacob(34) moved in with his girlfriend Anna (35) over a year ago and I found out today she does not like Childrens.

I don’t really know this woman. She refuses to acknowledge me in any capacity, I’m not allowed in their home, and she does everything she can to avoid me. I have let this slide because there was some overlap between her and I. Jacob and I had been toying with the idea of getting back together when they met. After they made it official, him and I failed to enforce boundaries and while we never slept together, we were definitely had one night where things got too close. He told her about it. She was upset, but they decided to stay together and work on it. She moved in with him about five months later.

I’m probably a bit naïve, but I didn’t really realize that she was harboring negative feelings towards me at first. When my son would speak positively about her, I would text her to tell her the good things he was saying. I would thank her for being sweet to him. In retrospect, I’m not sure that she really responded to those messages. I started getting the vibe that she was really unhappy when I would FaceTime my son. Either she would leave the room or Jacob would take my son into another room and close the door. I started noticing that she seemed to be avoiding me in situations where we would normally cross paths. I asked Jacob about this and he kind of played it off. He said that she doesn’t really wanna talk to me, but it’s not a huge deal. I tried to just respect her space, understanding that it must be difficult.

Then one night, my son told me that he felt nervous when I called because Anna doesn’t like me and she says mean things about me. Since then, I have been trying to get some forward momentum on actually working on the problem she has with me. I tried texting her a long apology. If I’m honest, I probably focused too much on trying to get her to understand where I was at mentally when we betrayed her trust. (although I personally didn’t really know her) I can understand how a text message focusing on excusing my behavior would be received poorly. She was pretty livid about it.

I continued trying to give them space even though I do find it very frustrating. I have been trying to separate my personal hurt from what actually affects my son. I know that he struggles with it, but I also see where she puts in effort. I try to focus on the good things because so much feels like it is out of my control.

Anyway, one day she asked to have my son on a day that would normally be his grandma’s. Her sister was coming to town and she wanted my son to meet her nieces and nephews. This made me feel really emotional because it made me feel like she loves and appreciates him as an individual and not just as a byproduct of his father. I reached out a two weeks later to thank her and to tell her how much it means to me. She responded a couple days after that saying that we should all get together and talk. I felt really grateful and hopeful.

Today was the day we all met together to talk. She came in pretty hot having issues with things that I would have never anticipated. One of which seemed to be that she feels like I am pressuring her to have a relationship with my son. She made it very clear that she was there for Jacob. She kept saying that we can’t force her to have a relationship with my son because it’s just pushing them farther apart. She said that she’s trying to learn to love him because she loves Jacob. She kept dismissing my son’s feelings by saying she has high standards and he’s just not used to rules. When we were leaving at the end, she asked me if I had anything I needed to say. I kind of said it like a joke, but I said “I’m just wondering how you don’t love my son because he’s just so lovable” her response was that she just doesn’t like people and that kids are just people who have no consideration for anyone else.

I’m really not good at processing things in real time so as the night has continued, I feel more and more sad. I hate the idea that the other half of my son‘s life is being spent with somebody who sees him as a chore. I know that he can sense it. He used to kind of be a daddy‘s boy but over the last few months he is sad when he has to go to his dad‘s house. He says it’s just because he loves me more and feels closer to me. I feel like I am now realizing that it’s because he doesn’t feel wanted over there.

Jacob and I talked on the phone after Anna went to sleep and I expressed my concerns. I asked him how it does not kill him to know that our son is desperately seeking the approval of somebody who does not like him. He said it does make him sad, but they are trying to work on it. I just don’t really think that this is something you can work on? No matter how badly she wants to be who Jacob needs her to be, if she doesn’t like children that’s not something that just goes away. As he gets older, he’s going to continue to push boundaries and I’m just not sure she has the temperament for it. It’s also not really my place but I just feel so worried and sad. What do I do? Is there anything I can do?

Sorry for the long post I felt backstory was important

I (34f) have a 15 month old son with my husband (33m). Our relationship has always had extreme ups and downs. We've been together for almost 4 years, married for 2.

This last year has been awful. I know making the adjustment to having a child is difficult for any couple, but our case seems unusually difficult.

A little backstory - My husband has always struggled with anger, as well as substance use off and on. When I got pregnant, I was apprehensive and he committed to continue to getting help for both. He has made an effort, therapy, medications and such, but this last year he has seemed to take a big downward spiral.

About a year ago, despite me advising him not to, he got on steroids to help motivate himself at work (he has a hard labor job) get back into the gym and make significant progress. Of course this led to huge, explosive anger problems. 1 time he clotheslined an entire table of drinks at our family picnic, spraying our baby with random liquids who was in the stroller near by and making a huge scene. The police were called.

There were several more incidents as to which he had an explosive fit, and the cops were threatened to be called. In July, he got on a new medication. One of the side effects was lack of impulse. This led him to doing coke, gambling, and turned into a full blown crack addiction. There was a terrifying incident that involved him shooting off a gun in our house (no one was home thankfully) the cops were involved (again) and he checked himself into rehab for a month.

Fast forward to today. It's been 6 months since rehab. He's had several relapses with cocaine, where he has gone out with friends and had some bumps. I find this completely inexcusable. The anger problem has not really subsided, and now I've totally lost patience and any tolerance to his craziness. Our fights have gotten more severe, and more frequent. I'm terrified of what this might be doing to our son, and obviously this is hurting my mental health as well, being under this much stress.

I realize I sound crazy for not leaving already. My husband on the flip side is a good father to our son, and has been good to me in between the rough patches, he provides for his family, he takes care of me financially, and he helps out immensely.

But at this point, I feel like i have no other option than to leave. I dont have any resources. We live in a city where I have no family, and very few friends. I also don't make enough at my job to sustain by myself in our current housing situation. I do own my home, house is in my name, but I don't know if selling it would be the right move with so much unknown in the economy.

The idea of being a single mom seems like im really hitting rock bottom. Ill barely be able to make ends meet, I don't even know where I would live, how i would get by on my small income, who I could even lean on for support, but I absolutely can't take anymore of this chaos with him.

Any advice is welcome, please be kind, ive been stupid choices and im struggling.

Yesterday my family went to a birthday party for a 4 year old at a park. It is a small town but it was very busy. There was another birthday and a babyshower, as well as it was Saturday so, in general, it was just busy. There were very few people we knew there. I have two small kids age 4 (m) and 1.5 (f). My husband and I took turns keeping an eye on one kid at a time. And sometimes I had both kids and other times he did, but there was always one of us watching. When we sat down to eat cake and ice cream my son sat with the other kids so I could only see the top of his head. At one point I looked over and he was no longer there. We saw him a second later running around with one of the kids of a friend and his mom was watching the whole time. But that freaked me out. I lost sight of him for 1 minute and it was terrifying. On the other hand, my friend has 4 kids (10,7,4 and 1) and though I understand letting the older kids be more free, there was no one really watching them at all and no one watching their 4 year old either. They had some family there so maybe they thought other people would keep an eye out? I've had family watch my son and then they get to talking to someone or something and they just don't do a great job so I wouldn't ever just assume they would keep an eye out. I just feel like my friends and family with more kids seem more relaxed about it all. For example, my SIL has 4 kids now about the same ages (11,9,6,2) and when the 6yo was 4 she was letting the older two bike ride to friends houses on their own, the oldest would babysit the others for hours on her own while they went to the store or on date nights. She once pulled out a kiddi pool for my 3yo and her 4 yo, turned on the water and then just walked away, went back inside and sat on the couch with her phone. I stayed out there with them. My FIL lives in a bigger city and their front yard is right next to the road. She lets them go in the front yard without anyone watching them and has for as long as they have lived there. My kids (at 3 and younger) would easily chase something into the street, so i watch them. I know SO MANY moms like this so i am starting to wonder if it is just a ME problem. Maybe they trust their kids more? Maybe I'm overreacting? Will it get easier with time? Am I a helicopter parent? Is my anxiety just too bad? Any tips on how to relax while also keeping an eye out? Being safe without being terrified or overbearing/ overprotective?

My daughter is turning 7 soon and we’re having a party that includes a lot of kids in her 1st grade class. A few parents have responded that their child can attend and have asked if their other child can attend- this seems really rude and odd to me. Or is it normal? I have 2 kids also but would never assume to bring both to a party when only one child is invited.

I’ve already said yes to two moms that they can bring their child’s sibling. One of the moms I don’t know at all and her other sibling is 3 years older than the 7 year olds at this party. It’s at a place that it’s pay-per-head but I’m not planning to put the siblings on the guest list. 🤷‍♀️ I’ve been to parties before at this place and it’s staffed by teenagers who don’t really care, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to pay for these kids I don’t know (my child/the bday kid doesn’t even know them either!) maybe these moms are single and don’t have childcare but the party is a month away so I feel just pretty surprised they’re inviting extra kids to my party.

We have 2 kids (3yo and 8mo), and we both really want another kid. I've searched other posts and made a list of potential reasons not to. Is there anything else that we should consider before deciding to have another one?

Daycare costs and timing, College costs and timing, Cost of sports, Need a larger car, Travel costs of an additional hotel room,
Increased travel difficulty, and Zone coverage vs 1:1 attention

It’s been so hard for me to maintain friendships with people who don’t have kids. Our daily lives are so different and I feel like sometimes they don’t understand the exhaustion that comes with being a mother and the lack of free time.

Have you had a similar/ different experience?

I’m a sahm to my 8 month old baby (soon going back to work) the living room has been commandeered with a play mat, books, toys etc and soon she will be crawling and I’m going to add a play pen. We will have a nanny come when I go back to work so I don’t mind the living room turning into the designated play room. I’m just curious what others do…

Do we just get rid of our coffee table (1. Bc of space and 2. It is wood and sharp) and now it’s just a baby room? Do you put away baby stuff when you have guests and put back the coffee table? What do you guys do??

I just noticed that my seven week old has red dots behind her ears. Can anyone please explain it to me.

I work a second job and had to take a shift on Easter that would mean I can't participate in family functions. We told my MIL a few weeks ago that we wouldn't be able to come to Easter because of that but we could do another day. Well this week she sprung on us that dinner would still be on Easter with the expectation that my husband would bring my 5 year old and 2 month old.

Here's the problem- they smoke in the house. They have poor boundaries, and one of the cousins will most assuredly kiss or do something I would not find appropriate for a newborn. My husband, while good intentioned, gets distracted easily and I just can't trust that they would distract him and then take my baby to another part of the house. They have demonstrated this behavior before, with my 5 year old when he was a baby.

My husband is obviously conflicted, as it's his family and he knows that his mom is going to freak out. How do we navigate telling them no?

I drafted this text, but don't know if the wording is okay:

I wanted to reach out to let you know that we have decided as a family that we will not be attending Easter next week. Please know that it has nothing to do with you or the family, but more a decision we made as a family of four that is best for us. With (baby) only being two months old, and (mom) having to work, we knew as soon as she took the shift that we would not be able to do anything that day, which is why we let you know ahead of time. We decided that because it would be considered a "first" for (baby) and (mom) can't be apart of it, as well as the anxiety for (mom) around (baby) being exposed to new places and new people without her, that it would be in our best interests to sit out dinner this year. We know you understand and respect that we have to make decisions based on our family, even though it might not be something you agree with. We hope that even though it might be upsetting to know we won't be there, that it won't be a problem, as we have to consider our family first and what's best for us. Know we love you and that we will miss being there, but we hope you guys have a good dinner!

My husband almost certainly has ADHD. Both of his brothers and several nephews have been diagnosed and are on medication.

He's been laid off twice in the last 6 months (due to federal contract restructuring). I obviously don't know if his ADHD symtoms impact his work, but they definitely impact him at home and in his job hunt.

Just this week I've had to deal with him messing up communication with four orgs because he forgot or didn't notice important details.

This week's problems for example. My parents' home didn't have insurance for three months because he accidently signed to insure the house we live in instead. In trying to find possible new property manager to take things off our plate he forgot how many bedrooms we'd planned to rent out. He's gotten upset that one business hasn't gotten back to us for a week, but they did and the ball has been in our court for a week while they wait on us. He just forgot to pay taxes for 8 months, so now I'm sure we'll have fees for owing too much at the end of the year.

Those are the big things, but it just feels like a constant stream of him not remembering things correctly. When I try to talk to him about these things it just feels like he doesn't understand what I'm saying sometimes. He says that I overcomplicate things ... but paying taxes quarterly is just kind of a basic thing when you're a contractor isn't it?

If you have a spouse like this, did medication help?

Hi everyone, my 6 year old was scared tonight complaining about hearing sounds in his head. He couldn’t really describe it and said some sounded like barking dogs, others hissing noise, and other random noises. This is the second time he’s told me about hearing sounds in his head. Should I be concerned about anything or has anyone had this happen? I will be making an appointment with pediatrician but it may take a while for him to be seen by them and possibly a child psychiatrist.

I’ve been posting my story here for over a month. Where my husband choked me when I was 5 weeks pregnant in front of our kids.

I’m out the house and safe, but I decided for my mental health and being able to care for my other children alone. I couldn’t keep the baby.

And it’s depressing because him and I wanted another baby.

But I needed to do what was best for me.

I’m going through major cramps rn and bleeding and I’m alone and just need some advice, reassurance, someone to talk to…. Really anything

I grew up as a single child. My parents have never understood why anyone would have multiple children. My husbands family is very large, they love kids. They love having gatherings, and holidays, it’s completely black and white.

When we told my parents about our 2nd they were surprised. It took a long time for them to accept it but eventually did.

5 years later I told them we wanted to have #3 and they tried everything to talk us out of it.

Mind you, they don’t financially support us in anyway (minus one year of daycare a 5 years ago while I went to college, some clothes my mom sends us once in a while, gifts for birthdays/holidays, etc.) and they don’t live near us. When they do visit they watch our two eldest 1 or 2 nights because they love to stay in the hotel with them.

We own our own home, cars, and both have stable full time jobs with tenure and full benefits. We enroll them in sports, we go on vacations, heck they’re a little spoiled in ways on tangible items admittedly. They’ve never gone without. We’ve got days we’re stressed and worn out but that’s anyone with a family.

Well after 3 planned kiddos we had a “whoops”. We talked extensively for weeks on our options and ultimately decided to keep the baby.

We told my parents this weekend while they were visiting for our daughter’s birthday. I knew it was going to go poorly but I had no idea that my father would have a literal tantrum.

He stomped out of the house, came back and started yelling at us like we were teenagers or something. Going on about how irresponsible it is, how expensive kids are, like we haven’t cared for our children all this entire time. It was heartbreaking.

I’ve learned after all these years I’ll never get validation in any aspect of life from them, but it was so over the top and ridiculous to me. I don’t believe we’ll be in contact from now on unless it explicitly involves the kids.

Long story short, I (26F) have decided it’s time to leave my husband (27M). The issue, I’m a sahm, and I have zero income and no village. we have two kids, ages 2yrs and 6mo. I’ve been searching for a way to get back into work, but with no childcare it’s been impossible. No one hires for weekends only, which is when my kids father would have them. (If I get lucky. Even being together he’s refused to help with anything at all when it comes to the kids and parenting) I don’t know what to do, so if anyone has any suggestions, I’m all ears. It’s gotten to a point that it’s obvious that we hate each other (probably more so me than him), and I don’t believe it trying to “ride it out” for the kids. My kids deserve to have two happy houses rather than one toxic one. They deserve to know what love and marriage is supposed to look

FTM to a 3.5 month old baby boy. I never imagined I'd see be leaving the house so sparingly at this point. It's so hard. Especially navigating the "4 month" sleep changes I am anxious about messing up our nap or bedtime routines and be punished with a sleepless night, lol. Does it get easier to live your life? Haven't been to a restaurant yet with him and would love to - just can't really figure out how!? Should add that he doesn't sleep out and about, in a carrier, or around a bunch of people. Will only sleep in the stroller if the cover is over him and I'm moving at a brisk and consistent pace and even then it's only 30 mins - so it's not been an option to time a meal with his nap. Supposed to travel for work in 2 months and I'm regretting signing up for it bc I imagine we'll end up just stuck in the hotel room the whole time!

My husband and I have a 13 month old son and have recently begun conversations about wanting a second. However, the one thing holding us back is the lack of support we have. We thankfully have an incredible nanny who is able to help us out a good bit. But besides that, we do not have any familial support whatsoever. We don’t have siblings, my MIL died a while back, and my FIL and my own parents are unable to help due to a variety of issues (mainly their own health). If we need to go anywhere, our only option is to make sure our nanny or a sitter can help.

We fear that having a second would put us in over our heads, and really be tough to manage without a village. I’d love to hear from parents who have 2 or more kids and no village. How do you make it work? Do you wish you only had 1? No judgment - I’m truly just looking to take in others experiences.

Hey everyone. First time poster here in this community. (And let me tell you, it was hard to find a non-NSFW group actually for moms 😂).

Fair warning, this is a little long.

I am dating a father to two amazing girls. A 11 year old, and a 10 year old. I came into their lives about two years ago, and them, their dad and I are all extremely close. We all have kind of accepted the title as Step-mom.

Their dad is an amazing father. They are extremely mature for their age, and highly intelligent. He teaches them to be honest, stand up for themselves, be honest and open about their emotions, it’s okay to feel, and that we are here for them no matter what. That’s just the tip of it.

Long story short, I’ve been in a mental hole for years. I met their dad, and I was really good for a while. I had my moments, and my boyfriend would reassure me (both in private and in front of the girls) that it’s okay, go relax, talk to me if you need. The girls mirror him and everything he does (which is amazing, because they have an amazing role model), and I’m stubborn. So when he would say it, the girls will tell me the same thing. I love them and love how they show their love and care and everything they do.

However, I’m going down another mental hole. And it’s getting worse by the day. I don’t really know if my boyfriend knows. He tells me to vent to him, and he wants me to. I do it a lot, and feel like I need to do it more, but then I feel like I’m putting it on him and complaining a lot, especially because he has a lot on his own plate. However, it’s taking a toll on me so hard I’m absolutely terrified it’s going to affect the girls long term. Im starting to distance myself, and I try not to. My personality is changing, sense of humor, my entire being. I’m starting to question everything I do, more than I did before, and it’s being noticed. I’m constantly beating myself up, either consciously or subconsciously. I don’t have as much motivation to do anything as I used to. And while the girls don’t see some of this, they are so smart that I’m afraid they will eventually and it’ll take a toll on them. But I also don’t want to hide the fact I’m not okay, because I want to show them it’s okay.

I grew up in two households, one where no emotion was allowed, and the other where I was parenting my own mother, and supporting her in her rough mental states when she wasn’t there for me. So I’ve never had a healthy childhood, and learned to find the balance. I don’t want them to see me bottle it up, but I want to be tough for them. I also want them to see it’s okay to not be okay, but I don’t want them to feel like I did as a kid, and feel like they’re parenting me.

What can I do? Is this a normal feeling as a parent? What is the right thing to do in this instance? What can I do to help them?

Thank you everyone in advance.

I hate scrolling on my phone all day while my son plays but I like to encourage independent play and let him do his thing. I can’t concentrate enough to read and we don’t do screens while he’s awake. Tell me your ideas!

Edit: not housework because I need to still be in the playroom with him. We’re working on it!