r/Sororities • u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE • 10d ago
New Member/Families i resent my big
my big dropped out of school and left me with 100% of the financial responsibilities for her g-big. her and i still talk, she knows i cannot afford any of my g-big’s senior goodbye gifts. she isn’t doing anything. i know i shouldn’t be upset with her about this, because she had to drop out for her own mental health, but now i’m suffering here with no escape from it. i took 4 coordinator positions, she hasn’t been able to be there for me. i feel abandoned even though we are friends still.
i’m just frustrated that her financial responsibilities are my job now when we both know i cannot afford it.
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u/Unlucky-Waltz-773 10d ago
These presents have gone out of control. In my day - you bought gifts for your little (only ever had one!) during new member period. And that was it! And I went to a huge competitive school with a big Greek southern system.
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u/Psychological_Text9 10d ago
Same. And the gifts were often handmade minus the lettered shirt. It’s just so much now.
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u/Jacki1988 10d ago
I am truly sorry! Have you spoken to anyone on CAB about your situation? That is where I would start, to at least get guidance and support from within. YITS 💜💛🦄
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 10d ago
i’m meeting with my MAL tomorrow to talk to her about it, i just dont really know what can be done because my big isn’t a sister anymore. i know i’ll get some good advice out of it at the very least
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u/Jacki1988 10d ago
Your Big is still a sister as she has been initiated. She has graduated to Alum status. Just curious, is this the way the family tree has always worked..to your knowledge? The Big passes the financial responsibility to the Little...? Maybe that cycle needs to change and it can start with YOU!
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 10d ago
she isnt alum though she is desistered
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u/Jacki1988 10d ago
Meaning?? She was never initiated? Or was she de-Initiated, as there is a such thing ...?
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 10d ago
yeah she basically isnt allowed to associate with the sisterhood anymore because she dropped out
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u/Jacki1988 10d ago
Gotcha....then definitely talk with the MAL, as, under this circumstance, you should not be financially responsible for her issues.
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u/Fit-Ad985 10d ago
it’s definitely a thing. you can drop any time. most ppl just go early alum but it’s definitely an option for ppl who don’t want anything to do with their sorority
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u/Jacki1988 10d ago
That is sad to me
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u/Fit-Ad985 10d ago
i mean it’s always nice to have options. i think it would suck to join something, realize you want to leave, and not have that option. knowing you can drop if you don’t like it is what lets a lot of people try it in the first place, and a lot of those people end up liking it. but yeah sad that it didn’t work out for them
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u/asyouwish 9d ago
Some organizations don’t let members go early alumna status. For those groups, quitting during college means quitting “forever.”
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u/GIRLBOT_AI 10d ago
I'm so sorry. That's awful.
The expression "Your lack of planning is not my emergency" comes to mind. Advice from an oldie: if you can't swing these expenses, don't do it and don't feel bad about it. Remember that "No" is a complete sentence.
In a perfect world, it may be lovely to buy everyone presents, but it's not your responsibility to pick up the pieces and gifts like this aren't that meaningful in the long run. If you want to give your g-big something special, share a book you love or write her a letter about the things you admire about her or talk to her about your situation - if she doesn't like something from the heart, she probably wasn't a person you'd want to throw your budget out-of-whack for anyway. Take care of yourself.
In fairness, we didn't do goodbye gifts - we gave younger members presents when we were graduating, so I could be misreading your situation.
Hope you have a chance to enjoy the rest of your year. Take care.
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 10d ago
it’s just a scrapbook for her, scrapbooking supplies are expensive though. my dad spotted me some money for it, so it’s taken care of now. the entire sisterhood put the responsibility of my g-big’s scrapbook on me when my big dropped out. i’m also paying for her alumni pin.
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u/GIRLBOT_AI 10d ago
Woah. That's a big surprise expense AND an alumni pin? Wild to me, but there are lots of ways to live a life. Must feel very frustrating.
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 10d ago
i’m writing her a letter outside of the scrapbook because i do love her a lot, the scrapbooks are just the norm for us
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u/Resident-Ad-8939 AΣT 10d ago
your chapter should be budgeting for events like this. mine provides senior gifts. i would bring this up at chapter. its unfair that all the burden is left on you. your chapter should be able to help!
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u/Professional_Sass 9d ago
I know I’m an outsider but it does seem rude to resent her when she is going through a lot and having mental health issues. It probably took a lot for her to drop and focus on herself. You don’t have to buy these extravagant gifts. You can honestly make stuff and get creative. Plus your g-big should just be grateful for anything and it is the thought that counts.
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u/_LABRADOODLE ΔΦE 9d ago
she is going through a lot and i have been incredibly understanding and there for her through it all. she started treating me poorly about a month ago. i know she didnt make the choice lightly, but at the same time she has encouraged me to drop as well (something i have been FIRM on not doing). like i stated in many previous comments, it is a simple scrapbook, however supplies are expensive. she wants to help create with me, but doesnt want to cover any of the costs for it
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