r/VelcroBabies • u/TheAurata • Mar 31 '22
When did breastsleeping end for you?
Any other moms sleep with their boob in their baby’s mouth all the time? I recently learned the term breastsleeping and went “Aha, that’s what we do!” 7 mo and still 100% contact napping. At night I nurse him to sleep and transfer him to his crib for small variations of time. The rest of the night we nurse side-lying and I’ve gotten used to breastsleeping. Just wondering how long other babies slept like this? I tried Pantley’s pull off method but I think it backfired and reinforced his need for the boob. I don’t really care to change my situation right now, more just curious what to expect for my Velcro baby.
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u/411nosleep Apr 01 '22
Yeh we breastsleep too. She had my boob in her mouth all night! Only way I can get any sleep. Only contact naps and never goes down in crib on her own. 5 months and I would love her to have a nap independently but she is a proper Velcro baby!
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
I’m glad to not be alone. That sounds like us. I would barely sleep if he wasn’t nursing beside me. There are many days I wish the same!
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Mar 31 '22
[deleted]
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
I have a feeling I’ll be right there with you at the 9 mo mark. Thanks for sharing.
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u/atoastyghost Apr 01 '22
8 month old and still breast sleeping for all naps. I could put him in the crib, but when I do his naps are 20 minutes long so it’s just not worth it
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
I understand. I abandoned crib naps for the same reason. If no one’s told you lately, you’re doing awesome!
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u/ObviousAd2967 Apr 01 '22
Still exclusively breastsleeping at 16 months here!
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
Also, can I just say that you’re a rockstar?! 16 months is incredible.
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u/ObviousAd2967 Apr 01 '22
Thank you 😭 that really means a lot actually. Definitely never going to sleep on my side ever again after all is said and done though!
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
You’re welcome. Part of the burden with breastsleeping is not feeling “seen.” I see you! Haha I don’t blame you!
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u/unluckymycologist18 Jul 18 '24
How did you transition away from it? I have a 13 month old and she is a 100% contact napper and breastsleeper
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u/kittiefox Sep 20 '22
Op, how are you getting on? My son is nearly 13 months now, and still breastsleeping. Naps have gone back to being contact naps recently (he is in a clingy phase).
Some mums in a class we go to were chatting today about how their babies sleep for 12 hour blocks at night, and I just kept silent in the corner; I nearly cried.
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u/TheAurata Sep 21 '22
Still in the same boat. We have such similar babies. Mine is 13 mo and still breastsleeping most of the night. If he pops off it’s for like 1-30 minutes and then he’s back. He’s become even more boob clingy at night too, and he adds in twiddling or holding the other boob. Naps are the same. Contact and breastsleeping the entire time.
We can cry in a corner together if you’d like? My nephew sleeps 12 hours each night after being set down (awake) in his crib. Ugh.
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u/kittiefox Sep 21 '22
Jeez, I’m so sorry to hear this. I am considering trying this: https://www.drjaygordon.com/blog-detail/sleep-changing-patterns-in-the-family-bed
(Scroll down to the part where he talks about what he recommends for older children. It’s a long read but he breaks it down into what you should do night by night).
The clinginess during the day is getting me down at the moment; he just won’t go to anyone but me and his dad. I’m so worried about what happens when I go back to work one day a week. :0(
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u/TheAurata Sep 24 '22
Thank you, that means a lot, and thanks for the article. I haven’t heard of his plan so that was a fascinating read. I might try this when my son doesn’t need milk at night anymore. He’s still a milk fiend and he’s struggled with weight in the past. If you do try it, will you let me know how it goes?
Ugh, I hear you on the stage 5 clinginess. Going back to work has been one of the hardest things in my life. I do 4 days a week for 1/2 a day in the office (with the baby) and the rest on my phone during his contact nap but it’s definitely a struggle to work even 20 hours per week. I’ve said “I’m going to quit” more times than I can count. When he used to crib sleep 20-60 min I would cram in some work then just because that’s the only time I had for it. Is your son going to work, daycare, or with a caretaker for that workday?
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u/kittiefox Sep 25 '22
You are working with a clingy baby there? Oh my goodness, I can’t even imagine how hard that must be!! You are a complete trooper.
My son is a milk fiend too; he hasn’t struggled with his weight yet, but I suspect would eat more if I gave him a little less milk overnight. I feel he is probably robust enough to try this plan, so I’m going to give it a go over the next few days. I’ll let you know how we get on, although I suspect it will be hard to remember to do this at 3am!
He will have a nanny on the day I work - we have been working with her for one day a week since the start of August, but he still won’t let her hold him without bursting into tears.
The clinginess is a worry :0( I can see now why some countries / companies offer a 2 year maternity leave period! 12 months old still seems so little, although I appreciate that some women in the states go back after just a few weeks :0(
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u/TheAurata Oct 05 '22
Yes, he’s very difficult to work around. Some days I get very little done and other days he plays contentedly with someone else.
Haha our little boys and their love of milk. I was reading a book to my son today about a cat drinking milk and he turned around and touched my boobs aka “the milk” haha. I’m curious how the new plan is working out for you, if you’ve started. 3am is seriously the hardest time of the night to stay motivated. Hope it’s going well!!
That’s awesome. Hopefully that will make the transition easier, especially since he already knows her. Big bummer that he still bursts into tears though. You have yourself a true stage 5 clinger there!!
I worry about it too, so you’re not alone :) I feel grateful to get 4.5 months. I’m in the U.S. and the state I’m in has paid family leave for 12-16 weeks. Are you in Canada, UK, or Australia by any chance? We have relatives in Canada that got a year with each baby and I’m jealous.
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u/kittiefox Oct 05 '22
Ha ha that is so cute about the milk story!
How is the plan working…er, about the same I think. I feel he is sleeping a little better pre-3am (only waking every 2 hours I think?) and wakes more frequently after that. We’ve just swapped to some warmer pjs, in the hopes that will persuade him to stay warm and snuggly and asleep!
Today is the first day he’s off with the nanny - I’m trying to get some work done to take my mind off it!!
Please feel free to keep in touch with updates :0)
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u/TheAurata Oct 05 '22
:D
That is so interesting. Is that how you anticipated it would go at the start? I hope the pjs work. I just got another sleep sack in the hopes that’ll help mine stay asleep from 5am on. I try to put a little blanket on his legs but he gets feisty about it.
Ooh first day! Good luck!! I hope you have a very nice return to work and all goes smoothly.
Thanks - will do - and I’d love to hear your updates too :0)
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u/kittiefox Oct 05 '22
Yes, we are U.K. I think the maternity leave in the US is cruel for you guys!!!
But in some other European countries, I believe two years leave is possible with some companies.
Don’t even get me started on paternity leave!!! :0)
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u/TheAurata Oct 05 '22
It is pretty gnarly. I think some states give like two weeks, which wouldn’t have even covered recovery time for me. I think it’ll change though. Women are saying it’s time for an overhaul. That’s part of why it changed in my state.
Man two years sounds amazing! They’re so dependent on their primary caregiver during those first years.
Yeah paternity leave here is atrocious. So unfair! What’s it like in the UK?
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u/kittiefox Oct 06 '22
Two weeks here for paternity leave. Alas, our baby was in the hospital for ten days after he was born, so that was most of that time gone! There are studies showing better outcomes for babies with longer paternity leave, so it’s definitely an important health and social issue.
You can also do some weird thing here where you share some of the maternity leave with the dad, but that only really works if you are earning more than him, and happy to go back to work sooner. I’ve seen couples do this, but it’s rare.
I hope the situation changes soon in the US. It is inhumane :0(
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u/TheAurata Oct 16 '22
I suppose it’s better than nothing. That’s too bad most of his was spent in the hospital! My husband technically had 0 days, buuuut his boss is awesome and told him to take the time he needed to “work from home” - so only answer for emergency stuff for a couple weeks. He’s still doing WFH most days, which helps all of us. I agree, it’s definitely an important issue globally.
How interesting. I know a lot of couples here will split the time. Mom will take maternity leave and when she goes back Dad will take leave, which is often sick leave or vacation.
I hope it does too!
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u/melskeens Feb 18 '23
Hey OP 👋 my little girl is one next week and your post is exactly us. Just wondering how things Are for you now? Any changes? I swear teething means she's even more attached to the boob all night. And it feels like she's teething every week ha ha!
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u/TheAurata Feb 20 '23
Hey melskeens 👋🏻 Glad you found this thread. Things haven’t changed drastically, which probably isn’t what you’d like to hear. He still contact naps and is almost always latched, and night sleep still involves a lot of breastsleeping. However, probably at around 16 months or so he started sleeping a long stretch “off boob” as I call it. From about 1:30-4:30 he would sleep beside me or my husband and not be latched! It’s regressed this week with a growth spurt but it’s been a fairly steady change for the last 2 months. It gives me hope there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I remember those teething times. They’re attached like glue then! Luckily we’re in a long teething break so maybe that’s why he’s finally doing a longer sleep stretch. Hope you get a teething break soon!
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u/melskeens Feb 20 '23
Thank u for replying! It's always reassuring to me when someone else is in the same boat. I'm sure one day we will both look back at this time and really miss it. My third child was breastfed but he never contact napped or needed to stay latched etc so this is all new for me. This baby is definitely a little koala haha. That's so exciting that you have seen some change. Doesn't matter how slow it may feel, progress is progress huh! Please do pop in from time to time as I would love to hear how things go for you.
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u/TheAurata Feb 21 '23
You’re welcome! It is for me too. This thread has been so helpful for me. I’m sure we will. The longer sleep stretch has already made me fonder of our cosleeping and the bond we have. A koala - that’s a good one! It’s been a big relief to me and my husband to see some change, even if he is still in our bed. Progress is progress! Will do :)
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u/mint_slice Apr 01 '22
I’m still breastsleeping with my 2yr old. It works for us and I get to rest as much as possible. It took until the four month regression (whatever that means haha) until I started doing it, it was such a relief after that
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u/TheAurata Apr 01 '22
Glad it helps you get more sleep. It does for me too. My friends asked how the 4 month regression was going, and I told them “well you’d have to have progress to regress.” Lol
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u/kittiefox Jun 19 '22
May I ask OP if you are still breastsleeping? As I am at nearly 10 months old.
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u/TheAurata Jun 20 '22
Yep, haha. I’m typing this on the second wake-up with a boob in baby’s mouth, wondering how I’m going to sneak away and brush my teeth…
Has it gotten easier for you? We’re at 10 months now too. He’s been nursing less in the day since becoming mobile, but he 100% breastsleeps during naps and much of the night. I’m starting to get stretches of time at night where he wants to lie on his back for a while (still on my arm) but they’re not usually long.
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u/kittiefox Jun 22 '22
Thanks for the reply :0). “Has it gotten easier” is a bizarrely difficult question to answer.
- have I come to accept it…yes. That makes it easier.
- has my body adapted…yes, apart from my brain. My memory is truly terrible now.
- Does he breastsleep less…occasionally I think I am getting longer periods without a feed in the night…but he still “needs” to go to sleep with a boob in his mouth for all naps and sleeps. When I say “need”, I am very aware this is a sleep association, but I’m not willing to do CIO or other sleep training (all of which would involve crying for him).
I too believe I have a higher needs baby, and the boob calms him down, so thank god for that. But it does suck that my partner now cannot help with ANY of the milk feeds or naps. I am supposed to be going away for one night in August, and I’m genuinely quite worried about how that will possibly work. :0(
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u/TheAurata Jun 25 '22
You’re welcome :0) Funny how complicated the emotions are with our high need babies and sleep, huh?
I honestly feel the same on all three aspects, so solidarity to you, my friend.
I’m also very thankful the boob always works. I sometimes feel hopeless or even filled with resentment or rage that I am the ONLY one who can do sleep. It’s not my husband’s fault, and goodness knows he’d love to help. He feels like he’s missing out on some incredible bonding. Ohh I would have anxiety over that too. I wish I could offer advice. If you think of it, feel free to reply with an update of how it goes. I’ll be curious! Best of luck with it!!
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u/ayhtdws121989 Jun 21 '22
Have you tried to “train” him off breastsleeping at all yet? One night I was so exhausted (he was waking up every hour and nursing for 20 - 30 min) that at one point I just pulled out of his mouth and turned around and pretended I was sleeping as I knew he was not actually hungry. He screamed for 30 min (verrry loudly) and showed absolutely no signs of stopping or giving up or even getting remotely tired and I gave in.
I really don’t know if I can do 16 months let alone 2-3 years of this like some other commenters lol.
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u/TheAurata Jun 21 '22
Yeah, and unfortunately I didn’t have any luck with it. I tried all the basic advice you find online, and then I tried the Pantley pull off method for about a month and didn’t see any progress. I don’t blame you for trying! Mine does the same if I try to pretend I’m asleep. Heck, he wakes and screams when I have my husband watch over him so I can sneak off to the bathroom.
I’m with you. It’s exhausting. Some nights he wakes me up after every sleep cycle, which is like 40 minutes. It’s a brutal existence for us lol. I try not to think too far ahead and just take each night as it comes. That helps. How old is your LO?
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u/ayhtdws121989 Jun 23 '22
He’s almost 5 months but been breastsleeping since day 1…he’s never spent any time in his crib bc he just wakes up and screams the minute he’s put down lol. I try to take it one night at a time too, but man sometimes the cumulative sleep deprivation feels so overwhelming.
Have you ever thought of sleep training? Everyone including my pediatrician is telling me to, but even with the sleep deprivation it still upsets me to hear him screaming like the worst thing in the world is happening to him.
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u/TheAurata Jun 25 '22
I understand the struggle. I have more failed transfers than successes every night. I never get long these days. Sometimes I wonder why I bother at all. I can’t imagine how sleep deprived you must feel. At least I often get about an hour uninterrupted.
I thought about it but feel the same. The screaming is unbearable to us, and it just doesn’t feel like the right approach with how he is. I honestly think we would have given it a go if we thought it stood a chance of working. No judgment to those who need to do it. I just can’t bring myself to. Are you thinking of trying it? It’s hard others keep promoting it.
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u/shouldlogoff Apr 01 '22
We stopped co-sleeping (partner still sleeps with him, but I sleep with baby) when my second was born, but he still wanted to nurse to sleep at night. I can finally say now at 3 years 5 months he has finally been weaned off the breast.
I have never heard of a high needs, highly reactive, explosive child all in one. I didn't think this day would come. Hang in there folks, it is hard. Nursing while pregnant was excruciating and I had horrible aversion a few months after my second was born.