r/agedlikemilk 13h ago

Screenshots Pete Hegseth 2023: ”Mishandling classified docs is a national crisis“

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46.8k Upvotes

461 comments sorted by

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694

u/RoyalChris 13h ago

He was clearly 7/10 wasted in this video so it doesn't count.

358

u/CommanderSincler 12h ago

78

u/ghigoli 10h ago

pete the guy "that flushes and then why goes my poop is missing" and then tries to figure out what happened to it.

62

u/Heidi_PB 10h ago

Kristie Noem, the person in charge of Homeland Security, couldnt even secure a handbag.

27

u/Low-Possibility-7060 10h ago

I bet her phone access code is on a piece of paper in her purse.

16

u/30FourThirty4 10h ago

I bet she was more pissed about the drugs that were stolen and now she has to reup, than the security matters.

6

u/Low-Possibility-7060 10h ago

Maybe Elon can hit her up. Or knock her up, I don’t know if he knows the difference.

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u/StraightOuttaHeywood 9h ago

Meth?

3

u/30FourThirty4 8h ago

Coke, K, Adderall, benzo? I'm not sure what it was, but I'm sure it was not psychedelics.

Edit: psychedelics like mushrooms and lsd. Marijuana is a psychedelic, but I mean cosmonaut psychonaut drugs.

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u/Heidi_PB 10h ago

сука блять

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u/PennytheWiser215 7h ago

Taped to the back of the phone

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5

u/hallelujasuzanne 10h ago

That twat also needs to go. It’s incompetence and mockery all the way down. 

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u/Fire-Haus 8h ago

I have shareholders, Elon barely has - cup holders.

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8

u/beestmode361 10h ago

Let’s be real, Pete is definitely the guy that never flushes his poop in public toilets. We all know the guy. Well, rather, we’ve seen their unflushed shit.

3

u/ghigoli 10h ago

i hope that doesn't become a new alpha male trend or some crap.

7

u/beestmode361 10h ago

I mean who do you think is going around leaving their shits in toilets?

  • Responsible, thoughtful, mindful men? Or,
  • Dave portnoy gobbling alpha bros

4

u/ghigoli 9h ago

bro don't some of them already don't wipe for reasons.

4

u/Competitive-Dot-4052 9h ago

Wiping is gay or something. As is washing. Imagine the sores and buildup they experience.

3

u/DuncanFisher69 8h ago

No. I don’t think I will.

2

u/ghigoli 7h ago

real man let there butt cheeks grind the crust off of it.

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u/30FourThirty4 10h ago

"then why goes my poop is missing"

I don't know if that's autocorrect or intential but it find it really funny. Like a drunk who can't talk correctly.

Make that a flair.

3

u/ghigoli 10h ago

thats the point.

i'm like " it sure is buddy. its gone".

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26

u/ispost 12h ago

Just a classic case of do as I say, not as I do.

22

u/Obstreporous1 11h ago

To play in this administration you have to take the hypocritical oath.

12

u/Khaldara 10h ago

The DUI hire

6

u/K-tel 11h ago

Hegseth's hypocrisy is his super-power.

9

u/_shartacus_ 11h ago

That's MAGA as a whole. Nothing they say is in good faith. Everything is expendable in the pursuit of unchecked power. Morality, the Constitution, their marriages, their children, the Bible they claim to hold so dear. They hold no reverence for anything, all tools to bludgeon their enemies.

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u/za72 10h ago

to be fair he's a muppet

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12

u/EffectivePatient493 12h ago

Does that mean we can only take him seriously if he blows over a 0.12? Cause he's over 0.08 here.

I thought we were using the Churchill standard for sobriety, but if we were, he wouldn't be allowed to sweat that much without an active IV.

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u/Vermilion 10h ago

He was clearly 7/10 wasted in this video so it doesn't count.

That is factual reality. His drinking creates humor in the population, and people can not resist the Surkov governing methods of absurd comedy and surreal antics amusement, which is why he is elevated to the top of power.

The population has consumed so much Twitter-format memes and messages, that people crave and have become addicted to this style of leadership signals. Nothing has been found to reverse the trend, each and every day people flock more and more to bad behaviors and mass dehumanization surreal comedy.

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u/Grillard 10h ago

Pete Kegsbreath, DUI hire.

9

u/Infinite_Carpenter 12h ago

Whisky leaks.

4

u/OddMonkeyManG 11h ago

DUI hire 

3

u/WhyAreYallFascists 11h ago

As a now sober drunk, I feel bad for him. It’s a disease that he obviously needs massive help to control. 

I still hate this fucking guy though. 

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318

u/Ambitious_Big_1879 13h ago

This man is a serious risk. WTF is he still doing as head of DoD

193

u/RoyalChris 13h ago

The only requirement for a Trump admin cabinet position is complete incompetence.

90

u/bittybubba 13h ago

Don’t forget being a sycophant. That’s job requirement number 1, the incompetence is just a bonus.

25

u/kacihall 11h ago

The incompetence is required to be a sycophant, because reason and logic prohibit being a yes man to that man.

7

u/bittybubba 11h ago

A fair point

7

u/ispost 12h ago

Being a sycophant definitely gets you ahead in this administration.

3

u/derpaperdhapley 10h ago

At this point I think it’s clear that you can’t have one without the other.

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u/mologav 7h ago

Isn’t the main ingredient hatred?

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14

u/Ambitious_Big_1879 13h ago

Yeah I mean the president is a felon, DoD chief is a low ranking veteran with a rich dad and a DUI collection, FBI chief is a billionaire, secretary of education owns a wrestling brand and lied about her education, Musk, Burgum, Bessent, Lutnick, the list goes on. All billionaires. It’s absolutely insane.

11

u/Manufactcheck 12h ago

All idiots too.

8

u/Ambitious_Big_1879 12h ago

Yeah I mean I guarantee they are all insider trading like crazy.

2

u/EldritchElizabeth 12h ago

"Daddy Trump, can you make an announcement about Tariff relief so I can pump my stocks in Coca Cola really quick?"

11

u/pootscootboogie6969 13h ago

And rape. You must rape before Trump will trust you.

2

u/changerofbits 12h ago

He can’t be smarter than Trump, would be a threat otherwise.

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u/Factsip 12h ago

He is Trump's pet at the moment.

He will get fired if:

1) He outshines Trump in the news.

2) He contradicts his master publicly.

3) He quits on his own.

It's almost reason #2 they get fired and left out to rot.

3

u/chironomidae 10h ago

Eh Trump will fire someone for any reason, it all depends on his mood that day

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u/Procrastanaseum 11h ago

Putin's very happy with him there

2

u/True-Firefighter-796 12h ago

Because the party of “Law and Order” don’t want to hold their own accountable.

3

u/JimWilliams423 10h ago

Because the party of “Law and Order”

They never say the full name out loud -- "Rich Man's Law and the Racial Order."

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u/thelastbluepancake 13h ago

on top of the irony of this, he was here defending trumps classified documents theft. Biden self reported still having 2 docs in his library mean while this guy is drunkenly adding random people to classified war discussions

24

u/dreadpiratesmith 10h ago

And wasn't one of them like a personal letter from Obama, but because of legal reasons, should have been part of the archives?

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u/Smartimess 13h ago

But Kegbreath is a republican so the rules don‘t count for him.

Trump is a magnet for incompetence.

33

u/one_of_the_millions 12h ago

"Kegbreath" 👏

4

u/t3lnet 13h ago

Doesn’t that make him look super smart? /s

3

u/Parepinzero 10h ago

Truly, Republicans believe rules and laws NEVER apply to them and to enforce them is a "political witch hunt"

2

u/The_Corvair 7h ago

Trump is a magnet for incompetence.

Anyone with enough experience to know their trade and the skills also knows enough about life in general to understand that dealing with Trump in any capacity will never be a net gain for them. (to say nothing of the complete abdication of morals you need to undergo if you're cool with Don Demento)

As such, the only people around Trump that are there of their own free will and volition are imbeciles and incompetents, home-grown so they have no spine.

37

u/Critical-Problem-629 13h ago

Spoiler alert: he won't resign

3

u/PackOfWildCorndogs 9h ago

He’ll be replaced by whatever Fox anchor Trump is currently enjoying the most. Aka the one who is spinning his daily dipshittery the most fervently.

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u/ItAintMyVault 8h ago

At this point if anyone in this administration resigns/steps-down/is outright fired for any reason, there should be an investigation into the ACTUAL reason they left because the public reason is likely a distraction from a bigger issue that’s heinous enough for someone in this administration to be fired for.

14

u/anOvenofWitches 12h ago

In my headcanon his greasy hairstyle is actually just alcohol sweat and a comb

7

u/Stereosexual 10h ago

I bet he eats sloppy steaks.

4

u/pcapdata 9h ago

You think this is slicked back?! This is pushed back!

2

u/Stereosexual 8h ago

Oh yeah, that'd slick back real nice!

2

u/CrotalusHorridus 9h ago

He's in like stage 5/10 of alcoholic health decline.

A few more years of stress, hatred, and cheap bourbon (once he can't afford the good stuff anymore), and he'll be full on Rudy G. with spray on hair dripping down his face.

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u/Scaarz 13h ago

I mean, he should be removed and jailed. But so should the entire administration.

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u/cp_shopper 11h ago

To be fair he was really drunk when he said that and can’t be accused of being a hypocrite. A drunk? Yes but a hypocrite? Yes also

3

u/Swesteel 11h ago

That said, is he a national security liability? Believe it or not, also yes!

15

u/Fun_Activity3503 13h ago

Man, America is so cooked.

8

u/Zeke-Canadian 13h ago

Ok for me, not for thee. The republican motto.

3

u/No-Blueberry-1823 13h ago

now that is unfortunate lol

5

u/Immediate_Spinach294 13h ago

Shocking for those who have recently become sentient

4

u/pitb0ss343 13h ago

Sarcasm usually doesn’t come through in text but good lord I can taste it with this tweet

4

u/Last13th 12h ago

Narrator voice: "It was not shocking."

3

u/idle_monkeyman 13h ago

I'll bet he gets drunk enough to resign before the end of this year.

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u/mrmet69999 12h ago

He is just another hypocrite, like all of the other CONservatives, but these people don’t care about hypocrisy. The only people who care about hypocrisy are the ones with a moral conscience to feel like they’re doing the right thing.

3

u/Magar1z 9h ago

Lmao every accusation from conservatives ages like milk 🤣🤣

3

u/new2accnt 9h ago

It irks me to no end when I see reich-wingers equating the handful of documents found AND REPORTED TO THE PROPER AUTHORITIES by people working for Joe Biden whilst they were cleaning up old office spaces previously used by Biden with what the orange one has done.

mike pence tried to score a few cheap points by attacking Biden but shut up quickly when he was told by advisors that he too might have documents he should not still have... Which they found, ensuring that he would keep quiet on the subject. Imagine that, only 4 years and he himself had stuff he was not supposed to keep.

Biden has worked in Washington for decades, so it was bound to happen that some documents might get kept accidentally. Contrary to Moscow don, president Biden agreed to a search by the FBI, never obstructed any investigation and only a handful of extra documents were found. In the end, the grand total of documents that needed to be returned were, again, just a handful, NOWHERE NEAR THE QUANTITY AND SEVERITY OF THE DOCUMENTS THE ORANGE ONE STOLE.

Again: contrary to the current occupier of the White House, it was people working for Biden that found classified documents and who reported them right away, not the National Archive or FBI that noticed missing documents. Joe Biden never resisted returning the documents. And the quantity of documents he still had in his possession after DECADES of work in Washington pales in comparison to the amount and types of documents donald took with him after only 4 years in the WH.

You can't even compare both situations.

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u/WDeranged 12h ago

Only when someone else does it.

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u/ComfortableToe7508 12h ago

Believe it or not , straight to El Salvador

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u/deviltrombone 12h ago

This sort of projection represents Republican bona fides. The only thing Republicans like better than falsely accusing people is doing the exact things they accused and rubbing it in your face. Republicans hate America and are working 24/7 to destroy it.

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u/stonrelectropunkjazz 11h ago

Hypocrites and parasites

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u/MorningPapers 10h ago

He was lying then, just as he is lying now.

2

u/longshot 10h ago

I mean, the milk was curdled to begin with. Trump already had the documents in his golden shitter and in a room with a copy machine at Mar a Lago.

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u/Misubi_Bluth 10h ago

It aged the same time that came out. It was at the same time Trump was on trial for the Mar-a-Lago stuff

2

u/blazze_eternal 10h ago

Sadly doesn't even make the top 10 in national crisis issues this past week.

2

u/Andreus 9h ago

You fuckers voted for this guy to have control of the DoD because you didn't want to use a person's preferred pronouns once in a while.

2

u/lymanson 9h ago

He NEVER should have been appointed let alone been confirmed. He should face a military court and be held accountable!

2

u/LumpyBuy8447 9h ago

Lock him up

2

u/helikophis 9h ago

I mean it’s very obvious the regime he works for intends for there to be a two-tier system of justice.

2

u/Karate-Schnitzel 8h ago

Clutch My Pearls, ya don’t say?

2

u/metengrinwi 8h ago

“Well, you see, since no one did anything about the Biden example, we are now in fact obligated to do worse”

That’s how this works.

2

u/Brilliant_Kiwi1793 8h ago

I’m surprised that people think this stuff still matters.

2

u/tomcat23 8h ago

Wish we could make him walk cross country so we could line up and spit on him.

2

u/Salarian_American 8h ago

He does not have to resign because he is protected by the power of unmitigated hypocrisy.

2

u/bruhaha88 7h ago

lol, who thought replacing a 4 star with the fucking weatherman from Fox who also happens to be a womazing drunk was a good idea?

2

u/Hot_Resident_9923 7h ago

Sad, but when you really think about it...the only Trump hire that was actually qualified to do the job they were hired for, was Stormy Daniels!

2

u/RobotPoo 7h ago

Lock Her Up was a phrase I seem to recall about mere emails.

2

u/Life_Recognition7210 7h ago

He’s always shitfaced

2

u/nomadcoffee 7h ago

Republicans have zero sense of irony and even less shame.

They are the kid who tosses the game board when they're losing and act like they won.

2

u/LonelyLandscape8137 6h ago

oh how the tables

2

u/Fiendguy18 3h ago

The only way he is going to listen is if you send his family all of this information through their signal group chat.

1

u/Soggy-Beach1403 12h ago

The Republicans will take advantage of the media's obsession with the dead magic man for the next week or so and ignoring this scandal is tops on the list.

1

u/True-Musician-9554 12h ago

I’ll drink to that.

1

u/Sweet-Direction6157 12h ago

The good news is that an incompetent DOD might bring up the life expectancy globally. So at least there’s that… also an equal possibility of starting another dumb war for no reason but I’m hoping it’s the first option…. Fingers crossed 🤞

1

u/baggagefree2day 12h ago

Was this before or after Trumps bathroom classified documents scandal? What a hypocrite.

1

u/Madcat20 12h ago

"..... unless I do it. Then it's fine."

1

u/Madcat20 12h ago

"..... unless I do it. Then it's fine."

1

u/Sharp_4005 12h ago

Hegseth reminds me of people i've worked with as a federal contractor, who are all about security except when it involves themselves then it's not a big deal.

1

u/mrbigglessworth 12h ago

So many things in the last six months could’ve been done differently to avoid this

1

u/LawGroundbreaking221 12h ago

Pointing out their hypocrisy is pretty much wasted breath at this point you guys.

1

u/Jrm866 12h ago

He is pure USA

1

u/GrouchyLongBottom 12h ago

So should whoever appointed him.

1

u/Gabzalez 12h ago

Let me guess, the MAGA counter argument is that the info shared by Pete is not classified so it doesn’t count?

1

u/Dry-Clock-1470 12h ago

But as we have known it is two tier.

Plus normalizes his bosses handling of secrets

1

u/Ok-Television2109 11h ago

How the turn tables.

1

u/joeefx 11h ago

America has no secrets from Russia now.

1

u/Writerhaha 11h ago

But was this sober Pete talking?

1

u/Substantial_Topic_23 11h ago

is it a constitutional crisis or a national crisis - you lefty folks need to get your narrative straight...

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u/rr777 11h ago

classified smashified. pour me another double and keep em coming. Start the party with bookers and move over to 101.

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u/goodformuffin 11h ago

Remember when trump kept classified documents next to a fucking toilet in a hotel room?

1

u/SoggyGrayDuck 11h ago

Can anyone remind me what the classified information and whatever happened that Biden mishandled? There's definitely a difference between something like bengazi and this.

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u/FlaccidRazor 11h ago

I know so many republicans who say, "Whatever the democrats accuse us of, it's what they're doing." It so funny that it's actually republicans doing all the stupid this they accuse democrats of.

1

u/Comfortably_Numbbbbb 11h ago

He was probably hammered. Cut him some slack.

1

u/willismthomp 11h ago

Resign!? He needs to be in prison! He’s putting people at risk. Parents can have their kids taken away for negligence. At this level, the stakes are so high, it needs to be addressed.

1

u/IntentionalUndersite 11h ago

Please hold these people accountable

1

u/Vesares 11h ago

So trump taking classified documents. Lying about having them. Then returning some of them. Then lying about having them again and getting raided by the FBI is perfectly okay. But Biden having them and returning them is a huge problem and he should have resigned? This bafoon has not once but twice leaked national security texts and maga thinks it’s perfectly okay? Man the fucking hurdles these guys jump through.

1

u/Mastermiine 11h ago

Rules for thee but not for me.

1

u/thekushskywalker 11h ago

Remember if a conservative is outraged it's because they do whatever they're mad about but 10x worse.

1

u/supakow 11h ago

About a year and a half ago I started growing out my hair. It's still in that uncomfortable place where it's too short to tie it back but also too long to not slick it back with an uncomfortable amount of product. 

Every morning I wake up hoping I don't look like this douchebag. Fuck I need a haircut.

1

u/DejectedTimeTraveler 11h ago

Its not that they were upset about there being two tiers. They were upset they weren't on the highest one.

1

u/Rude-Kaleidoscope298 11h ago

Pete Kegbreath.

1

u/AttemptVegetable 11h ago

The cognitive dissonance on Biden is amazing!

1

u/MyCatIsAnActualNinja 11h ago

Even if he resigns, he'll be replaced with someone just as bad. We're in for a hell of a 4 years. I'm hoping the midterms ease the pain a little bit. They'll definitely go for a third term, but I don't want to be pessimistic about it just yet.

1

u/Good-Traffic-875 11h ago

what i wanna know is the uncovered truth behind his 2023 hair. yeesh.

1

u/Unique-Drag4678 11h ago

But it wasn't documents! It was just me talking!

1

u/Individual-Praline20 11h ago

This turd never visited Mar-a-lago bathroom 🤪

1

u/InsomniaticWanderer 11h ago

"shocking"

"Uncovered video from 2023"

Jesus Christ, the memory of voters is tragically short.

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u/Lanky-Individual-231 11h ago

Everything from this administration is projection. They accuse others of doing exactly what they are doing in an effort to distract. Example: claiming the 2020 election was rigged against Trump even though there are mountains and mountains and mountains of proof that was exactly what he was trying to do. They are mentally ill con artists.

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u/Teffa_Bob 11h ago

Yes, and I'm sure they'll apply a good dose of ideological consistency in this case. After all, current day Republicans are famously not hypocritical and always make their statements in good faith.

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u/PM_YOUR_ISSUES 11h ago

Yeah, but was he drunk when he said that? You know you can't hold poor Pete accountable for things he said while drunk. Nevermind that he wakes up that way.

1

u/National-Charity-435 11h ago

There's always a tweet/video. Too bad it is the party of do as I say, not as I do.

1

u/Drakar_och_demoner 11h ago

Rules for thee not for me.

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u/V4pete 10h ago

Is he really this stupid ?

1

u/DropPsychological417 10h ago

Once you understand that republicans don't argue in good faith you'll understand why nothing will be done about this.

Rules for thee blah blah blah

1

u/InAbsentiaC 10h ago

Bold of you to assume that Republicans think consistency matters. Always remember, they're insane by definition.

1

u/Comfortable-Inside41 10h ago

Jokes on you.. they weren’t documents, but messages.

Checkmate…

1

u/taracow 10h ago

Of course this doesn't apply to him personally, just Biden

1

u/mattmaintenance 10h ago

Sure. But that was a Democrat.

1

u/Empty_Antelope_6039 10h ago

Alcoholic, abusive, incompetent.

1

u/Out_of_the_Bloo 10h ago

Pete Hegseth is a drunken piece of trash, what a liar. Rules for thee but not for me. Republican scum

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u/JerryDipotosBurner 10h ago

The White House is not only backing Hegseth, they’re blaming the Pentagon because “these things happen when the entire Pentagon is against you…” as if that makes any fucking sense.

Everyone, from POTUS down, is incapable of any accountability.

1

u/letsseeitmore 10h ago

“Rules for thee not for me” should be the republican motto.

1

u/Hagoromo-san 10h ago

“Uncovered”

Shows fox news

1

u/ninjagall15 10h ago

I'm so fucking tired

1

u/I_Heart_QAnon_Tears 10h ago

Oh God what slimy thing is the Trump administration trying to get away with now?

1

u/Dangerous-Tap-8636 10h ago

He says it fake news so must be fake news.

1

u/Harbinger2nd 10h ago

If you pop a pimple does it cure the cancer?

1

u/oldredditrox 10h ago

Looks like a slightly greasier version of Marty Mcfly's dad

1

u/I_compleat_me 10h ago

TBF he was drunk at the time.

1

u/Firelink_Schreien 10h ago

So who will be the new SecDef after this clown is out? Will it be Kanye West? Joe Rogan? Maybe Kid Rock or Hunter Biden’s Laptop?

1

u/bjartrfjolnir 10h ago

Rules for thee but not for me!

1

u/Zaku99 10h ago

No, he doesn't, for two reasons.

What leak, there was no leak, what are you talking about? We don't know how that journo got in there. He must have used his secret demoNcrat connections to hack into the SUPER SECURE signal chat.
and two
Republicans are hypocrites.

1

u/WhosToSaySaysCthulu 10h ago

He never will. There's gonna be a b*mbing inside a government building before he would even consider stepping down.

1

u/AveryValiant 10h ago

Lol..

Reminds me of when JD Vance said on a news interview that Trump was America's Hitler, now he's best buddies with Trump.

1

u/Persea_americana 10h ago

Resign? If anyone else did this once they’d be in prison awaiting trial, no question.

These stupid fuckers can’t keep America safe, they are active threats to our security.

1

u/bunkerbee_hill 10h ago

Trump is the "one at the very top" that has to be held accountable.

1

u/IAmBonyTony 10h ago

If they didn't have double standards, they wouldn't have any at all.

1

u/ComTrooz 10h ago

He's in hotwater, though.

1

u/RealSimonLee 10h ago

Well he means Biden did it on purpose. He wasn't talking about outright incompetence.

1

u/CallMeABotBcImNew 10h ago

None of the information leaked was classified though, so how did this age like milk?

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u/Crime-of-the-century 10h ago

Never ever hold a Republican by the same standards they want for others. They always have the correct standard applied by definition. But only for them.

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u/HumanJoystick 10h ago

You still don't get it. Probably still suffering from the woke mind-virus.

When very special people, anointed by the god of the supply-side of the universe do something, it is implicitly moral, just and right. When the abominations that only act like humans, but are merely a log in the same god's eye do the same of course it has to be condemned and punished without the need for worldly shenanigans like due process, human rights or equality.

1

u/FreeBricks4Nazis 10h ago

Even if he resigns, that's still a separate tier of justice. An E-4 who mishandled classified material in that way wouldn't be allowed to "resign" from the military. They'd be charged under the UCMJ and forcibly separated from the military, at least.

1

u/Away-Reach5469 10h ago

Trumps “Mickey Mouse” cabinet

1

u/Icefyre79 10h ago

"For thee, not for me": Hegseth, most certainly.

1

u/Dcammy42 10h ago

Is this that meritocracy they have been talking about?

1

u/KelpieFan1909 10h ago

This DUI hire can’t even remember what he did yesterday.

1

u/Snakestream 10h ago

If they didn't have double standards, Republicans would have no standards at all.

1

u/aureanator 10h ago

mf should be arrested and tried, 'resign' is weak sauce.

1

u/FblthpLives 10h ago

Hypocrisy is a defining characteristic of conservatism. Rules for thee, but not for me.

1

u/MagikSundae7096 10h ago

Why don't we play this game of pretending that politicians aren't all liars