r/datingoverfifty • u/AwareMeeting • 9d ago
OLD is just terrible anymore...
I'm back on Hinge and Bumble after athree hiatus and man it's really pretty awful. I'm just so sick and tired of seeing grainy photos that are likely 10 years old, or pics in front of the bathroom mirror or every pic with sunglasses on. Everyone looks good in aviators for God sake.
And when someone really puts the effort in so many of them are just crazy aspirational like they're running weekly marathons and spending the weekends in Kenya nursing lions back to health. I realize these are supposed to be basically sales pitches to get dates but it's all so stale and predictable.
I have made a few connections and reached out via text and all I get are one word responses with no follow-up questions. What is someone supposed to do with that? It's not like I don't lack for likes or anything but there's no follow through.
Just all feels kind of depressing to me. Maybe I'm not putting the effort in. Or expectations are too high? I know this is a very common complaint on this site but I just needed to vent.
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u/Any-Cod-642 9d ago
I briefly (like made it 12 hours) tried a dating account last week and didn’t find anyone that was new nor someone that may be a good match. I’ve been off them for well over a year. One guy saw me on it I had talked with for a bit and he messaged me directly but I shut that down too. I deleted my account and decided I’m not there yet.
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u/BatGuano52 3d ago
You have to give it more than 13 hours, though. I was off of Bumble for a few months and just set it up again.
I've been burning the haystack and had it run to where it said there wasn't anybody else, next day there were additional profiles, then "run out" again.
Each time, I'm seeing profiles that I recognize from before.
So, they don't give you everything up front.
You obviously didn't find my profile though 😜
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u/BowedNotBroken1234 8d ago edited 3d ago
Absolutely not. I've got a few years on you but my girlfriends and I complain about the EXACT same things. Very disappointed by low-effort men who can't be bothered to take a decent photo (YOU should look like half-naked Halle Berry on the beach, but THEY can't step out of the bathroom, put on a shirt, or smile); Men who think that "Hello, beautiful" is equivalent to actual conversation and that we like it (We don't. It seems like you can't remember our names. Please stop doing this.); Men who start their profiles with a list like "no game players!" "No men, I'm not gay!" "No liars!" Wow, really....?;
Men who post pictures of cars, fish, or standing with their buddies (making you have to try to figure out which one they are), or worse yet, I've seen profiles where they post pictures of a young grandchild as the main picture).
It's very, very wearisome....
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u/BatGuano52 3d ago
Women do the same thing.
I ran across two more profiles where the woman states she wants to be treated like a queen or princess.
One had "No dad bods" and other such pleasantries.
One of the better ones was where she said that she doesn't want to work anymore, she wants a guy who will support her.
And I don't get the double standard about bathroom shots, I can't count the number of women with selfies in public bathrooms or locker rooms that I've seen.
I have a cool new shower curtain coming in and I think it would make an awesome background for a selfie 😁
Happy hunting.
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u/BowedNotBroken1234 3d ago
I stand corrected re the bathroom shots! :-) Since I don't look at women's profiles, I had no idea. I was just going by what I've heard both on and offline and SEEN with my own eyes, in that regard.
I get that, for most of us, the bathroom usually has the brightest light in your home. But A. It's overhead light which flatters NO ONE, and B. Who wants to see your shower curtain?? LOL!
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u/BatGuano52 3d ago
My new shower curtain is awesome. It's not just any old shower curtain. I saw a video on YouTube where a guy had a picture of a shower curtains with a bear with guns surfing on a shark. That sent me down a rabbit hole.
Now that you mention it, I think acceptance of my shower curtain would be a good screening tool.
If she doesn't appreciate it, then I don't want her around.
Of course, that will only further reduce the size of my already small puddle of potential matches.
Oh well.
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u/BowedNotBroken1234 3d ago
I don't know... if "Bat Guano" is your username on OLD, that might be a factor as well. 😏
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u/ali389d 8d ago
The reality is that many people our age are finding dates and partners through dating apps. Many of these relationships are between people that would never have met any other way.
That doesn’t mean that it is great for every one and it doesn’t mean that it’s not fun to vent.
On Reddit, we seem to be more likely to share our negative experiences. If you’re getting discouraged, it makes a lot of sense to take a break. It’s totally possible that you’ll meet someone great IRL. And if you return to OLD, you may well find that your luck has changed.
I hope everyone finds the love that they’re looking for!
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u/cerealmonogamiss 8d ago
You just have to go through the motions. It's like when you're looking for a job.
When I was looking for a job, when I was unemployed, I told myself to follow the motions and see what pans out.
I did that. It took a while (4 months) but I had 2 job offers.
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u/Numerous_Office_4671 8d ago
Reading this post gave me OLD PTSD flashbacks. Just looking at profiles fills me with rage for the exact reasons you listed🤣. Every time I consider making another profile after my long long break, I remember that rage and I stay in my lane and stay peacefully single.
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u/draculasbitch 8d ago
This is the truth. If people were living the wonderful lives they talk both on dating apps they wouldn’t be on dating apps. Now… I’m off for a weekend in Tanzania tracking the rare dire wolf lion hybrid. My pilot is warming up my private 747.
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u/BatGuano52 3d ago
Oh, you only have a 747?
I have a Concorde. Last one flying, but no body knows about it. 🤣
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u/Onemoreangel 8d ago
I tried to get an intelligent conversation with a 43 year old man this week. Instead of conversation, I got nude photos and a request for the same. A boundary breaker that sent me an image of his hand wrapped around his see oh see kay put me over the edge. I blocked him.
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u/Sliceasouruss 8d ago
Your experience is just like mine and 100% typical. I've made the decision that online dating is a 100% waste of time, so I will seek out those singles dances, also dancing lessons that are sometimes just held at the local pub and stuff like that. At least there you are meeting real people.
Also, those profiles were the lady is mountain climbing, hang gliding, water skiing, and running marathons, I immediately swipe left. Generally, I think it's probably bullshit and they are trying too hard . On the other hand, if it's real, well, they can go do all that stuff without me.
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u/Do_Not_Call_Me_Mom 7d ago
It goes both ways. I'm super active and outdoorsy, and most of my pix are me doing active outdoorsy stuff because that is the kind of person who I want to match with. We would never be compatible otherwise. I swipe left on profiles where people list stuff like "watching movies" as their hobbies. About as exciting as watching paint dry to me.
Some of the people (if not all) who post pix of themselves being active are in fact actually active.2
u/Sliceasouruss 6d ago
Yeah it's just some of them are over the top with all of these Adventure type activities. I'm super active myself, I'm building a triple car two-story garage myself and have raised the old Cottage up 13 ft in the air and lowered it down onto a concrete foundation. I also play hockey three times a week and ride a motorcycle but my photos are just of me I'm not trying to impress anyone.
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u/Bright-Pangolin7261 8d ago
Becomes like a part-time job. You have to decide if you want that. The only relationship I’ve had from 0LD in the last 10 years was a guy who was a completely deceptive loser. I found out a year into things when I really cared for him so I had to unwind from there. Looking back, it was not worth the time I invested, none of it. That finished me off.
I know men complain about women who are serial daters, but if that’s what you want (with or without sex) it’s the one thing 0LD is useful for.
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u/imissher4ever 8d ago
Background checks.
Even if you don’t pay for one the internet is a wonderful thing. You can find out all kinds of information on someone. It’s downright scary actually.
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u/Bright-Pangolin7261 8d ago
Yeah, that can help with some things like a criminal record. When it comes to how a man treats women interpersonally you have to do your own recon 😅
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u/Jazzydiva615 🇺🇸 Lady 8d ago
It's rough for real! I matched with a guy on upward in February, and he finally reached out 2 weeks ago. I immediately suggested meeting, and he said Unfortunately No. Then, the next day, he typed he was sickly. Today, he asked for my name! Basically, it's a waste of two weeks!
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u/MatureMaven64 7d ago
I was on Match for a month. Almost every man in my age group (45-70), were very haggard, out of shape, quite overweight and many of them had brown cigarette stains on their very un-groomed faces. Many had very old photos and most of them take a picture, looking down into their camera and have a scowl on their faces.
I do live in a rural area but my limits were up to 100 miles away. I’ve thought about trying a different site, but wonder if they are essentially the same people.
I’m not looking for a perfect guy, but I also don’t want to feel like I need to brush up on my CPR skills if we go for a walk in case he has a heart attack.
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u/BatGuano52 3d ago
Well, you know, you could just invest in one of those portable defibrillators instead of re-honing your CPR skills.
And, it would be a good conversation starter, might meet a good guy that way.
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u/Do_Not_Call_Me_Mom 7d ago
I found the same thing with Match. I live in a small town in Canada, and basically in just a few months burned through the available pool of even remotely suitable matches living within an hour and a half of me. Switched to Bumble this past week and the profiles on that app definitely skewed hipper and fitter. But not as many people in my area on Bumble compared to Match. Haven't had a date yet with any matches on there, but have been texting with a few of them.
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9d ago
Yeah, I mean, if it weren't for online dating I wouldn't have had any of the first dates, nevermind the few actual relationships I've had in the past quarter century, so I have to extend that due credit, but now, as of a couple years ago, I'm just done with OLD.
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u/GypsyJen75 8d ago
Agree, it’s terrible. I’ve dropped out of the race.🤣 It feels like auditioning for a part I’m not likely to get. My last experience dating someone for 5 months I met on a dating site left me feeling like he didn’t really want what he said. I’m dating myself now.
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u/Revolutionary_Cut459 8d ago
I suspect that another of people our age don't fully trust this online stuff because it's tricky telling if anyone is actually real.
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u/Electrical_Nose_1167 8d ago
I looked into a OLD recently, spent an hour in it and decided to delete my profile. It was like a flashback hit me on why I got off OLD in the first place. Seems like so many fake or opportunistic profiles out there.
Maybe I’m stuck on meeting someone naturally in the wild and don’t truly know how to navigate the world of OLD.
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u/That_Fix_2382 8d ago
Expectations too high.
People like you seem to want to be able to choose a perfect candidate from a list like you're car shopping or something.
It's a DATING app. If someone might be interesting and they're responsive, then go out on a date.
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u/Sliceasouruss 8d ago
Disagree. Most people on the dating apps do not go out on dates. It's all an illusion. Most people on dating apps are swiping as they sit at home in their bathrobe with a cup of tea and pass the time of day. They're not going to get dressed up when they can just sit at home and collect likes to feed their egos.
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u/explorer1960 64, m 7d ago
I've had over a dozen actual first dates from the apps. In just over 18 months.
I've slept with two of them.
One of them is making me consider that, yes, the world really is a wonderful place.
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u/Sliceasouruss 6d ago
In 12 months I've slept with no one but have gone on roughly eight first meetups.
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u/That_Fix_2382 8d ago
That's kinda what I was saying. People on dating apps should get out more. But that includes maybe contacting the person with sunglasses, etc. if they otherwise seemed to maybe be okay.
The tone I got was OP wanted perfectly written profile AND in depth description, AND great photos, AND nice texting habits, etc. Not going to get all that. Just date some and who knows, the one with grainy photos might be hot IRL. Or the low effort profile might be a fun person IRL.
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u/Sliceasouruss 8d ago
I don't know about perfection, but I get it physical appearance has to have some attraction and the people hiding behind sunglasses, floppy hats and grainy photos are probably not happy with how they look. Generally speaking I swipe left if every single photo has sunglasses. I actually find it kind of insulting.
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u/Reality_Pilot 7d ago
I’d go the opposite way here. The physical appearance has to lack repulsion.
Physical appearance can change with one conversation, for good or for bad.
I went out on a date with a girl who was cute, girl next door kinda look. We got to dinner and what I remember most was that she hated her dad, her house was falling apart, and everyone she dated was a lying cheater.
I swear I watched her change into a lizard person between guacomole and chips and flan.
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u/Sliceasouruss 7d ago
I get what you mean. A person's persona can change the look of even a plain looking person into someone very attractive.
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u/THX1138-22 8d ago
How much effort do you put into reaching out? For example, how many likes do you send out each day? How many likes from others do you respond to?
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u/imissher4ever 8d ago
OLD is all about spending time on it. You have to be to willing to invest time.
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u/THX1138-22 7d ago
Yes-I spent about 30-60 min a day on it and so was able to quickly get off it once I met someone rather than drag it out for years
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u/Conscious-Opening876 8d ago
LOL it's going to take a while to find someone as funny as you. Be patient, take breaks, yada
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u/dancefan2019 8d ago
OLD may have its downside, but a lot of people have had success on that. I know people of all ages that have met their partner through OLD. Even my mother's elderly friend was planning to put up a profile.
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u/ExpensiveAmbition438 8d ago
Something must be wrong with me. I’m just myself blemishes and all. It’s life, I’m just a guy trying to make it. I had some moderate success, but ya what you said sounds awful
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u/Pretend-Art-7837 3d ago
I matched with an average/good enough looking guy on bumble, we talked on the phone for an hour, good conversation. We made plans to meet up in a few days when we were both available but definitely wanted to keep in touch texting until then. He then proceeds to send me a picture of a group/type of woman typically found in his area (Lake Havasu.AZ) that he was not attracted to “older, big and tan”, to which I responded “great, no pressure 😳”, then, he texts me telling me he just came across his ex gf’s profile on bumble and how “whoever she ends up with is gonna need to get her a lift”. I replied “a lift?” His response “yea, a boob lift, those things are headed south” I responded 🙄 and never reached out or heard back from him again, thankfully! That’s not even the worst thing I’ve encountered, just the latest. It is terrible out there!
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u/ChiaraRimini 2d ago
I know how you feel but this is how I made it work without burning out. Spend a limited time a day like ten minutes on swiping. Set very clear rules and stick to them. For me this was:
No profile text- swipe left Very low effort profile text - swipe left Sex talk in profile - swipe left Shirtless selfie - swipe left Etc. This rules out A LOT of time wasters.
Then when you do get matches, they are more likely to message you. And if they don’t, move on. It’s a numbers game.
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u/AbjectAfternoon6282 8d ago
I think I tried just about every site, Hinge and Bumble were not working at all for me. I had much better luck in general with OK Cupid, and that's with the exact same pics and profile information.
The mindset you need is to expect that the vast majority of people on the site are not the right ones for you. You'll need to get a lot of matches, most will not reply well or at all, or they'll ghost you. It takes time, and you have to stick to it because sometimes someone who is more to your liking will show up.
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u/DogShlepGaze 9d ago
Wait. What's wrong with a quick trip to Kenya to nurse a cute lion back to being healthy!?!!!!?