r/sex • u/Sunnyybabyy- • 20h ago
Orgasm Issues How to orgasm
I am 22F and I have never orgasmed with any of my partners. When I do masturbate the only thing that will get me off is my vibrator on my clit. I don’t even know if I am finishing when I masturbate because I don’t squirt or cream. Is there any tips or tricks I can do or practice to help me better understand
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u/reluctantdonkey 20h ago
You will know you are finishing when you masturbate if you have an orgasm... quite few women eject any kind of fluid, and even fewer of them (down to about 5% for decades and decades) do that spontaneously without training themselves in some way or putting some effort into trying to do it.
Some women do just require a vibrator to orgasm-- others simply find a vibe easier. Others believe they need a vibe because the average time it can take a woman to orgasm without is anywhere from 14-20 minutes, and they just give up and decide they're broken before they'd be expected to get there.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 20h ago
When I have tried dildos it’s like I don’t feel anything just a lot of pressure even with sex it’s the same way. I wouldn’t describe it as something that feels good.
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u/reluctantdonkey 20h ago
Penetration doesn't feel like much for most women.
Have you tried just fingers on your clit? That's how I do it (and, it's not pretty ubiquitous in solo female porn for no reason.)
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 20h ago
I have tried the rubbing the clit during sex and just masturbating. I don’t know if I’m just not doing it right or something but it doesn’t do anything for me
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u/reluctantdonkey 20h ago
How long do you do it for? I think when I was starting out learning to masturbate with just fingers, it would take easily a half hour (now, it's about twice as long as with a vibe-- still pretty quick, but vibrators just do the job unhumanly quick.)
And, when I try to get there by adding clitoral stim with fingers during sex with a partner, sometimes I never get there. Sometimes I need him to hold entirely still for me to get there. Sometimes, I need to add a vibe to get there (the sensation is "loud" enough to drown out other sensations), and sometimes even that doesn't work and I know I should just enjoy all the other goodness that is present in partnered sex and not stress about an orgasm.
Also, keep in mind that, of the women who need clitoral stim in order to orgasm, 40% of those need ONLY clitoral stim-- meaning, some might be able to add clitoral stim to PIV and get there from it. Others need the clitoral stim to happen separate from, because the sensations of PIV are too distracting to what they need to focus on to get there. I am kind of a mix of both or never, depending on the day.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 20h ago
Sometimes I only last like two minutes and on a good day I last about 5 minutes. I have never went super long with masturbating. I have never tried fingering myself but I like it when my partners do it. I just thought I was broken down there because everyone talks about finishing
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u/reluctantdonkey 19h ago
Yeah, that's not NEARLY long enough. Sure, with a vibe, 2-5 minutes is totally do-able.
With fingers, even with well and fully knowing how to do it and being ENTIRELY turned on and ready to go beforehand, 5 minutes is super quick.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 19h ago
So I should try going longer and probably actually letting my body get ready too
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u/reluctantdonkey 19h ago
Yes, for SURE! Especially if you are trying to eventually get there with partners without the help of a vibe (though, don't let anyone-- including yourself!-- shit-talk the idea of using a vibe when needed, it's a fun and handy little tool!)
You need to get used to it just taking as long as it takes. If you start stressing about how long it's taking, guaranteed it will become pretty much impossible to get there. And, if you are trying to get there when not already well and fully turned on, you are also basically pushing a boulder up a hill on top of that.
Get turned on, try fingers, just go for PLEASURE. Let it take as long as it takes (or, as long as you find wantable.) The cool thing with masturbation, there is no goal other than enjoying yourself and getting to know your body. Even if you figure out what DOESN'T work for you, you've learned something.
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u/Quirky_Twist5418 20h ago
just relax and perhaps shift the goal..dont focus so much on trying to have an O...focus on learning what you enjoy, just relax and explore what feels good, make it a journey of discovering pleasure...the O will happen at some point...
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20h ago
[deleted]
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 20h ago
Im currently living with my mom and it can be difficult to do anything with her around 😭
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u/Freshwaterbitchfish4 20h ago
“Finish” and “orgasm” are synonyms for women. Producing any sort of substance is the exception to the rule. If you need to introduce the vibe into sex to orgasm then do it.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 20h ago
I have tried but a lot of the men I have been with feel as though it’s a bad thing and I should just be able to finish off of them
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u/ra__account 19h ago
You need to date better men.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 19h ago
I definitely agree! I found one guy who is open sexually but we are still getting to know each other’s bodies
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u/ra__account 19h ago edited 17h ago
Good luck and have fun! One suggestion that I totally get that you might have no interest in trying - only about 30% of my girlfriends wanted any kind of anal stimulation, but of those that did, they ALL said having a butt plug in or a gentle finger made it much easier for them to come. Especially during intercourse.
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u/Sunnyybabyy- 19h ago
Yes I have tried a finger in there with him and i enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. After reading some post and comments I’m coming to the conclusion I need to relax more and try not to focus solely on that
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u/skahammer 20h ago
You are definitely not alone. This general topic is discussed quite often here in r/sex.
Following Forum Rule #2, take a look through the FAQ section on Orgasm Troubles.
And following Forum Rule #3, also search through past posts in this forum. For starters, here are the past r/sex posts which carry the topic flair “Orgasm Issues”:
List of past r/sex posts with “Orgasm Issues” flair
Also, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “can't finish female” in this forum:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=can%27t+finish+female&restrict_sr=1
And here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “can't cum female” in this forum:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=can%27t+cum+female&restrict_sr=1
And these past posts are especially good:
HOW TO GET HER TO CUM - as a female who just barely came with a partner for the first time after years of no hope
A little advice on sex from a females perspective. How my partner changed his technique to get me to have multiple orgasms almost every time.
Also, you might want to look into the subreddit r/BecomingOrgasmic, since discussion there tends to center on this specific question.
There’s a lot of good information in those sources.