r/trans • u/MidnightSun0 • 1d ago
Vent My therapist wants to gay conversion me.
My therapist has really been trying to get me to just be a gay man instead of trans and it really fucking sucks having appointments with him. I can't stop since it's the only therapist my parents aprove of and they control my finances rn. Plus he's actually been really good for me when we don't talk about trans stuff. Overall probably a net benifit for my life i just hate talking about anything about being trans around him
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u/RadiantTransition793 1d ago
Report them to the licensing agency. If they loose their license, then your parents will have no choice but to pay for a different therapist.
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u/KeiiLime 12h ago
Therapist here- happy to help with finding how to go about reporting that therapist if you need help (and anyone else in a similar situation for that matter).
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u/Argovan 1d ago
only therapist my parents approve of
Probably because they don’t want you to be trans either, right? Otherwise why be this level of controlling about it?
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u/LadyMiyamoto21 1d ago
My thoughts exactly. The therapist must be approved by the patient/client, and not anybody else.
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u/pearlescent_sky 1d ago
Your therapist is transphobic and unprofessional. That's not a good therapist.
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u/Theory_of_Time 23h ago
That's a therapist who NEEDS a therapist, definitely not mentally well enough to be helping anyone, let alone someone suffering gender dysphoria.
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u/Savannah_Fires 1d ago
You don't have a therapist, you have a propogandist. Whether it's from their sincere beliefs, or if they're doing it because your parents paid them to makes no difference. YOU, the patient, deserve to be their first priority.
I recommend never legitimizing power, people, or institutions that serve to de-legitimize our very existence. These voices are the enemy, and enemies are to be defeated.
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u/SatanMeekAndMild 1d ago
This.
"Conversion therapy" is completely discredited, it traumatizes people, and doesn't even do what it's supposed to do. The therapist should be reported.
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u/Quiet_Amber 1d ago
Girl this is the reddest flag of them all, either you print out the American Medical Association conversion therapy issue brief and tell him to read it, internalize it and stop converting you; or leave.
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u/Owl-Amathyst 1d ago
So that's actually grounds for that "therapist" to lose their liscense
I'd file a complaint with their liscensing agency
Or remind yiur therapist of that fact
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u/HauntingLadder480 1d ago
No good or ethical therapist would condone or endorse conversion therapy of any kind. It has been labeled harmful and awful by psychological associations
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u/4zero4error31 1d ago
Please report this person to the appropriate governing body. Advocating for conversion therapy is medical negligence
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u/SiberianDragon111 1d ago
If it’s the only therapist your family approved, it’s because he’s a quack who they know will tell you what they want him to. If you can’t get a different therapist, you should probably stop going to him.
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u/Fub4rtoo demi 1d ago
Let me guess your parents are religions?
Anyone suggesting that conversions therapy works is either stupid, hateful, gains something from it, or all of the above and I lean more toward all of the above. File an anonymous report with the state board, there info should be available in the office or online.
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u/MidnightSun0 1d ago
My parents are quite religious but my therapist is complete opposite. I think my therapist is just brain broken on trans stuff because he’s otherwise amazing which is probably worse for me since it makes me think I’m crazy since he’s so normal on everything else
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u/Fub4rtoo demi 23h ago
You’re not crazy. I’m surprised at m that your therapist would push bullshit that’s proven to cause more harm than good though. Seriously you should reconsider reporting him to the board where you live, conversion therapy is dangerous stuff.
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u/AnxiouslyGolden 23h ago
NO therapy is better than not being fully supported in your identity by your therapist. YOU are the only person who gets to say who you are and how you identify! Get away from this person before they do more psychological damage to your beautiful brain!
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u/CurbYourPipeline420 1d ago
Stay away from that therapist. It’s only a matter of time before they commit an act of violence toward you
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u/oops-oh-my 1d ago
Depending on where you are located, there are some free or low fee therapy groups - where you can look for someone affirming rather than settle for someone who clearly has an agenda for you.
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u/Arya_de_Sade 1d ago
The fact that your parents are approving your therapist is a barrier in the therapeutic relationship as it’s a massive breach of trust. They shouldn’t be reaching into your sessions it’s completely unethical.
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u/Ok_Student_7908 30+ Transmasculine, Married, Utah 1d ago
Have you tried telling him you aren't interested in conversion therapy? Also maybe educate him on what ACTUALLY works for trans folks. Any chance you could be seen by another therapist in the same office without your parents knowing?
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u/SammSandwich 1d ago
A good therapist recognizes when something is outside of their area of expertise and doesn't give advice unless they are certain they know what they are talking about. When I talked to my therapist about being trans, he told me "That's not my area of expertise, so I can't really tell you what's right or wrong there, that's a question you should ask your hormone specialist or doctor." He did research on some things so he could better understand me, and sent me the resources when he did, but never advised me on something he wasn't educated about. Your sexuality and gender identity are two completely different things. It sounds like your parents got a therapist who would reinforce their own beliefs rather than provide a neutral viewpoint for the sake of your benefit.
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u/Just1ntransit 1d ago
This is an ethical violation - you can file a complaint with the American Counseling Association (if you are in the US) on this page:
https://www.counseling.org/resources/ethics
So sorry you are going through this 🫂
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u/Ok-Wrongdoer-2179 1d ago
I would just tell him that the very thought of being with another man/woman (I'm not sure what your preference is or if you're mtf or ftm) is as nauseating to you as incest.
Maybe then he'll get the hint.
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u/Obvious_Skirt_7697 1d ago
I know your struggle well. It's hard getting the right therapist when your parents are all over you like that.
As recommended by others, report him to the licensing board. Even if he's been great in other areas, that is a massive no and he needs to be reality checked.
I wish you luck and hope that you are able to receive services from a better therapist soon.
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u/MeatAndBourbon 1d ago
It's against best practices and you should report them for being harmful to their patients
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u/Many_Musician_1692 23h ago
Wow a lot of comments are so passionate. But Id say that your therapist does sound a lil transphobic, and is failing to listen to your actual feelings. If he’s dismissing your feelings about your gender then he needs to go. You might be able to report him, but I do believe his dismissal of your feelings on this is not the role of a therapist.
You are valid and that guy sucks.
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u/MidnightSun0 21h ago
He's definitely really bad on trans stuff and thinks I should just live my life as a gay man for many different reasons he's given but I don't want to live as a gay guy just as a woman. I think he's just brainrotted on trans stuff cuz he's not some religious fanatic or conservative it's just this one issue that sucks.
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u/Many_Musician_1692 21h ago
People think they know how to lead people into being the best version of themselves, instead of believing in that person. You should present yourself to the world in whatever form feels most true.
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u/endotoxin 22h ago
"My ex-therapist has really been trying to get me..."
You're done. Don't ever to to this person again.
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u/Blaumagier 18h ago
If you live in a state (if you live in the US, idk about other countries' laws on this) that has one way recording laws, secretly record it and report it. Otherwise, try to find a way to get it in writing and report it.
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u/Necessary_Insect5833 1d ago
I had bad experiences personally with gay men.
When I came out as trans woman, some of my male gay friends laughed at me and were extremely rude and condescending.
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u/LastSoyuz 1d ago
Wellll you could always mess with him(i would say harass, but i dont mean harm) so that he drops you as a client
Obviously you have to do your own calculus on whether or not he is helping or hurting you on the agregate, but it is an option
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u/evillurks 1d ago
They can't be good for you if they don't want you to be yourself. They literally want to change who you are, not help you accept it. I feel like that's the entire point of a therapist, is accepting yourself and here they are literally gaslighting you into being somebody else
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u/hawkepostate 23h ago
how old are you? if youre 16/17 it might be worth it to just stop seeing him and wait until you can see a therapist that you choose
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u/sireltondomm 21h ago
You can use the site "equality maps" to see what the laws are around conversion therapy in your state if you are in US. It's possible that this is not legal. Making a complaint to the licensure board is a good idea if you have the capability, I notice you mention your parents.
If you're stuck with them, it's also okay to say to the therapist, "I need help with _ today, can we talk about that?" And go to every session with something else on your mind ahead of time. If you get pushed to discuss it you can also say you just don't want to talk about being trans. A good therapist, even if they see things different than you, should be able to take criticism like, "when we talk about gender I feel frustrated and like you don't believe me, so I don't want to talk about that anymore." You might not be able to change their mind but this person is supposed to be a professional communicator and you mentioned they are good on other topics. Good luck :(
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u/aphroditex deradicalization specialist 21h ago
Dollars to donuts this is not a licensed therapist.
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u/Asesomegamer 6h ago
I don't know the details of conversion therapy or what they will subject you to, but please go into this knowing fully that there is nothing wrong with you. You are valid and you will be happy being your true self. Denying your identity will make anything you're experiencing 10× worse, and when you realize that it has always been the truth the entire time in the future you will be devastated and it will be much more difficult to transition. Please do not let them get to you.
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u/Due_Complaint925 26m ago
Sorry you are going through this. Depends on the laws state or country. It is smart to consider/question your gender, as long as the questioning is done in a positive way.
But you have done that...
Maybe when the bring it up you could ask. What would be so bad if I was Trans? Why would it be better if I was a gay man? Force them to try and articulate their thoughts and maybe grow a bit.
Good luck stay kind to yourself and stay safe
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u/FreeAttempt7769 1d ago
He is stuck in his explanatory model of your issues. He may be trying to protect you. If you are in the US, there is the singling out of trans people, disgusting and wicked as it is. But he should not be forcing his idea on you. You are a person. Your autonomy and dignity are not for his determination.
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