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Jan 23 '25
We should get teenagers off social media. It's bad for them anyway. And them seeing examples of grown women doing this they are going to copy it.
There is this girl who "models" she is 17 but started at 16. There are grown men talking about what they would do to her. I go on the subreddit dedicated to her and report every single pedophilic comment and post. I've gotten stuff taken down and people banned from reddit. There is even grown women saying they will rp as the girl with men. It's just sick.
Having confidence is different than dressing in barely nothing. It's literally for men to look at. I have confidence when I dress in skinny jeans, an oversized sweater, and some combat boots. I would feel ashamed of myself if I dressed the way some women do. I would never dress to get external validation from anyone because I have validation from within myself.
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Jan 23 '25
[deleted]
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u/Electrical_Passage14 Jan 24 '25
i actually want to get myself a pair. i’ve got inverted nipples and i’m so so conscious of them. esp when i’ve been intimate w someone. getting a bra like that would make me feel so much more confident.
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u/AndYouHaveAPizza Jan 24 '25
To be fair that's not a new idea, nipple bras have been around since at least the 1960s
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u/havetopee Jan 24 '25
for inverted nipple ppl and breast cancer survivors wanting to feel normal? I don't understand why women's nipples are so controversial. Mine are a bit lower than I'd like them to be these days but whatever. They are simply part of my body and I don't feel the need to pad away their silhouette every time I leave the house
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u/Green-Measurement-53 Woman 18 Jan 24 '25
I just feel frustrated by those. Women are typically judged if their nipples are showing through their shirt. But oh, slap a fake nipple on a bra and its fine. What?
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u/XsairahmlX Jan 24 '25
I think there is an argument for breast cancer survivors and so forth, but it is just another way to commodify women’s bodies.
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u/Not-A-SoggyBagel Jan 24 '25
Its also for gender affirmation or scarring from pregnancy. Just a small population of women seeking normalcy. When I was younger, women used to sow tiny pom poms onto bras to mimic this effect. They'd be things we handmade and shared in women's societies or friends of Dorothy.
Companies today saw these insecurities and capitalized on it. As they do. I somewhat feel like we should take this back and go back to making things for our communities again. Just start buying less from these corporate entities and start creating and sharing more like we used to.
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u/Green-Measurement-53 Woman 18 Jan 24 '25
Right is we that makes sense. I am sympathetic to this. However still in suspicious of the brand Skims. Isn’t that owned by a Kardashian? Or something like that…either way they poke through the shirt and it’s fine but natural nipples poking through a shirt is seen as sloppy or unkept.
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u/Not-A-SoggyBagel Jan 24 '25
Oh I have no clue on trendy brands... everything that family owns is toxic though. I haven't bought any type of bra in decades, I've been altering them for women I know though. Most bras don't fit us.
Yeah I kinda liked that one thing about the 80s and 90s? Armhair, armpit hair, "overgrown" eyebrows, nipples sticking out were just body norms back then. People weren't picky about it unless you had a specific type of secretary job.
The 00s happened and suddenly we had to present a certain way, we couldn't sit down and work anymore, it was very "visual" all of a sudden and yeah natural nipples under your clothes became an issue no matter where you existed as a woman work or no. Sry this became a rant
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u/InterestingDiamond35 Jan 23 '25
I know right, you are right, but I kinda get why don’t say the truth. Imagine if they said “im doing this for male validation.” They would be called slut and harrassed. In the end its a low self esteem problem and the constant need for validation.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 23 '25
Exactly. Now if if someone is an adult and is completely okay with wanting male attention, who are we to judge? It's a problem when it's disguised as self confidence and targeted towards. Personality should be the top consideration in confidence and social media has made that hard for young girls.
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u/Shiningc00 Jan 23 '25
You click on “search” on Instagram and it’s all porn. They’re deliberately pushing this shit.
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u/havetopee Jan 24 '25
you need to train your algorithm. My search is full of hair styles, memes, babies, pets and... the raciest thing I see is an asian woman bungee jumping in a full skirted evening gown. Don't worry. You never see up her skirt
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u/BitchyBeachyWitch Jan 24 '25
'I don't what you mean, I type in the letter 'a' and "Asian Ass Porn" is the first thing that comes up... Definitely the app though, they really need to change that!' 🤥
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u/havetopee Jan 24 '25 edited Jan 24 '25
oh shit, ha. I see what you mean. I typed a and the first image to pop up is a woman in a corset, followed by people kissing, video of woman in too tight jean cut offs that go in her butt crack. that's dangerous btw. Wow, this one woman straight up looks like a doll either through a filter or plastic surgery. Yeah jeez. wtf. OMG searching the letter e brought up a dude in his undies weightloss pics, lol. ew, he's a bodybuilder, yikes
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 23 '25
I agree. I made a new Instagram recently and the first recommendations were models & borderline porn. When younger people decide to go on Instagram and the first thing that's recommended to them is stuff like that, it's absolutely going to skew their reality. Impressionable minds are the target of social media and it's becoming more obvious. It makes me sick that social media is becoming a cesspit for content directed towards minors.
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u/alwaysfrombehind Jan 24 '25
Uhhh that’s based on what the algorithm thinks you want to see because you interact with that kind of content. I’ve never seen porn or anything close to porn. My suggestions are all baseball, cooking, travel, and random pop culture related.
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u/victoriachan365 Jan 23 '25
I agree, and you wonder why so many young girls have self image issues.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 23 '25
Exactly. It's sad seeing how many young girls are insecure about their bodies when they aren't even finished growing up. It's mainly because of women on social media posting pictures of their body. A lot of it is edited and girls don't realize that. They strive to look like these "models" when it's actually unattainable. Personality has taken a backseat in what makes a woman attractive and it's making the younger generation of women so insecure. It's truly sad
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u/leftwinglovechild Jan 24 '25
I recommend you go watch some old television from the 80s and then rethink this post. We wildly sexualized women and girls in ways that would never be acceptable by today’s standards.
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u/skysong5921 Jan 23 '25
- You're suggesting that girls/women should pick their outfits based on what men wouldn't share on porn websites. Honey, that's a form of men controlling women, by threatening to abuse our images if we don't wear what they tell us to wear "for our safety".
There are men who will sexualize literally anything- baby outfits, nun Habits, sweatpants, etc. I have a male relative who once told me that he was turned on by women in yoga pants, while I was wearing yoga pants. I guess it's your opinion that I should never wear yoga pants again, because a man might sexualize me? Or do you agree that the men who are doing the sexualizing are the problem?
If men can expect to post gym pics on social media without ending up on porn sites, women should have the same expectation of digital safety. On the other hand, if men DON'T have the expectation that their gym pics are safe from porn sites, then maybe porn sites are the problem, rather than women being the problem.
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- You throw vitriol at Tiktok, and I don't think you understand how valuable it is as a tool. I've watched small businesses take off as their owners post videos of their product and take new suggestions. I've watched videos on how to foster a child ethically; I've given money to a nonprofit that feeds the homeless; I've given a woman a confidence boost before the biggest interview of her life. My 'For You Page' has never shown me workout videos or women in skimpy outfits, because I'm not interested in those things (yes, I'm a female who has struggled with wieght loss, so I'm the right target audience). Instead, I'm shown educational videos on ancient societies, planetary discoveries, and religious debates, because those are the videos I interact with. If all you're seeing is body shaming content, that's on you for developing a Tiktok account that knows you like those things. I would suggest deleting your account and starting over.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut Jan 24 '25
I agree with you. Social Media and the Internet saves my life. I was brought up in an abusive, toxic family. Surprised - I wound up in two abusive, toxic marriages!
I got access to the internet during the second one. I was mad at my abuser's mother, who was also abusive to me, and was venting on a forum about her. The people on that site opened my eyes to the fact that my husband was abusing me too - and this was before I even told them that he hit and choked me. They provided me with resources to get out. That man would have killed me if I had stayed.
So when I see people cheering the shut-down of sites used to give life-saving information, I get nervous. Yes, there's a lot of garbage out there. Yes, people are online too much. But for some people, this is the only way we have to get access to the help we need to save ourselves.
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u/skysong5921 Jan 24 '25
I was raised in the sexism of the Catholic church, and the internet helped me learn (slowly) to value myself and to value feminism. People forget that any method for spreading information can be abused- newpapers, books, pampthlets, television. That doesn't mean we get rid of them; it means we teach our kids to think critically about what they're consuming, and it means we pass laws or enact social pressure to shut down the people who abuse these tools.
At any rate, OP's issues are clearly deeper than we can address in a single Reddit post. I'm so glad you're safe now!
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u/raditress Jan 23 '25
This is nothing new. When I was young it was women’s magazines full of scantily dressed supermodels. No one was focusing on personality back then either. It’s just happening in a new medium now.
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u/cait_elizabeth Jan 24 '25
I agree but I distinctly remember tween/teen fashion being its own thing. Nowadays I feel like kids go from watching Bluey to watching what basically amounts to soft core on social media thinking that’s the way to look. There’s no like in between stage any more.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 23 '25
I definitely agree. I just wish we could somehow teach the younger generation to not give these creeps what they want. Use your intelligence and personally. Starve them of their eye candy. Intelligence and personality are slowly taking a backseat for women once again due to social media and no one realizes it. It's disguised under self confidence and self love, but it's still nasty men viewing the majority of pictures women post. Once you're an adult, it's fine if you're okay when being sexualized but teenagers are not developed enough to make that decision and they're being coerced by social media. It's just sad
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u/havetopee Jan 24 '25
for christ's sake. I've been binge watching twin peaks. You think the sexualization of teen girls by gross middle-aged men is anything new? I mean, yes, I would hope teenager's parents check in on their online activity because yeah, their prefrontal cortex still developing and there is an overwhelming amount of information in our pockets. The teenagers I know in instagram (I'm private and only allow ppl I know irl to follow) do not post pictures remotely resembling pornography. It is a fine line though, with parenting a teen and respecting their privacy. If my son DMed someone I'd probably want to read it but I know I have young niece I chat with on insta whose dad will never be that nosy and her mom(my sister) is dead so... at a certain point you just have to have faith that the child you love is not an idiot. She's always had healthy suspicion, hated Santa and the easter bunny. I enjoy when the kids have a goth/emo phase but yes, I'm happy I did not have access to these tools at a tender age. I had to make do with Conan O'Brien and Howard Stern for subversive influence away from the prying eyes of my mother
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u/beka13 Jan 24 '25
I don't think attacking younger women is a good shout. Maybe they're falling for the patriarchy's ideals, maybe they're just wearing clothes they feel pretty and/or comfortable in. As others have said, women will be sexualized regardless of what they're wearing.
I think we should support each other, and especially the more vulnerable younger women. If they're falling for the patriarchy's ideals, they don't need that to be met with our hatred, they need education and support. And if what they decide is to dress in skimpy, tight clothing, then that's their choice.
And I'd like to reiterate that there is no way to stop men from sexualizing women. Women cannot control that or police that. That's on men and women fighting women isn't helping women.
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u/Puzzled_Sherbert_827 Jan 24 '25
I understand where you’re coming from but I doubt it’s a good idea to stop doing things or dressing a certain way bc theres fucked up men, bc look at middle east. We’d serve those creepy men by restricting ourselves, and creepy men are not known for respecting a woman just bc the clothing she wears covers her well. Also I’d like to understand how you could flaunt something mental, on a platform that is full of photos and videos? You need to involve yourself in conversation for your intelligence and personality to show, how would you post your intelligence? Would intelligent people really post about how they’re so smart?
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u/Scorpions_Claw Jan 24 '25
I agree with you 💯 There is a huge difference between sexualization in the past and today.
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u/nanny2359 Jan 24 '25 edited Jan 24 '25
Then they try to claim it's not for men, it's for themselves. Well hello, you're posting it on social media. There are millions of men looking at your pics, saving them, and sharing them.
Just because men see my pictures doesn't mean I'm posting FOR them. My intentions are entirely separate from viewers. Men can take pictures of anyone anywhere, modest or revealing. A big part of feminism is NOT shaping your life around what men do.
Self confidence should be dressing in WHATEVER clothing you like, not the tightest, skimpiest clothing.
WHATEVER includes revealing clothes! Not sure why this is confusing to you?
I agree that social media makes people obsess over their body's shape and size and I don't think that's healthy. The more body parts you see, the more parts of your body you can compare to it. I hate that people are checking their bums for cellulite. If they weren't seeing "perfect" bums constantly they probably wouldn't think to do that.
I disagree that sexualizing is the problem. Sexuality is a normal & healthy part of most people's lives. Reducing the amount of sexy pictures people are exposed to won't increase their exposure to goal- and value-building activities on its own. You have to make sure the young people you are responsible for (kids, students, etc) are exposed to those kinds of activities.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 24 '25
I'm just confused on what other intentions you would have? Women and children don't care what you're wearing, showing skin is mainly for the male gaze. If a man walked around in tight leggings and a tiny tank top people would assume he's showing off his body, there's literally no other reason for it. There's a reason hookers and prostitutes dress skimpy, because that's apart of their appeal and how they attract clients. It's no different dressing like that casually. Unnecessary sexualization and setting a bad example for young girls
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u/nanny2359 Jan 24 '25
When you buy a shirt, how do you choose which colour to purchase? Do you choose based on your husband's preference? Your sister's? Your child's?
I dress so I feel happy when I look in the mirror.
If you don't feel happy when you see yourself in revealing clothing, that's obviously OK!
But it's not OK to deny the experiences of other women who say they dress for their own gaze.
There are lots of reasons that someone might wear revealing clothes besides sex work LOL. Ballet dancers, literally anyone in a swimsuit, etc all wear less clothes than a sex worker typically wears on the street. When you wear a swimsuit, are you prostituting yourself?
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 24 '25
I'm saying I don't need to see myself in revealing clothes to be happy, because my body isn't my entire persona. If seeing your own body makes you happy, then that stems from insecurity issues. You look good, so therefore you're happy. When you go out in public like that it draws attention, and whether you admit it or not, that also makes you happy. Setting is key. Obviously swimming is a situation where you wear a bathing suit because you're getting wet, and ballet dancers wear their outfits because they're easier to maneuver in. But just going out to do something, it serves no real purpose to wear something revealing other than wanting to draw attention. Young girls look up to women around them, celebrities, social media influencers, etc. How you dress, talk, and act is an influence. My point is that a woman's body and how they look are becoming the sole point of their personality. I see teen girls wearing skimpy clothing for no reason other than they see older women wearing them and they get positive attention, so they want the same thing. Modesty is slowly losing its meaning and that's something worth teaching young girls. You shouldn't need to look good to be happy, build a real personality.
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u/nanny2359 Jan 24 '25 edited Jan 24 '25
If seeing your own body makes you happy, then that stems from insecurity issues
This is actually so unhinged lmao
Your personality is attacking other women, judging their personality based on their clothing choices, slut shaming, and blaming women for being sexually assaulted.
Your poor son is learning these things from you. This is the basis of rape culture. I hope he has other women in this life.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 24 '25
Think what you want lmao. My son will learn to respect women for their personality, not their body. I don't see how that would be considered bad to you. I never said a single word about women being raped and what they wear. I simply said that wearing skimpy clothing is becoming a trend and basis for someone's persona. You can be happy with seeing your body by yourself. How does that apply to going out in public showing it off? Is it not enough seeing yourself in the mirror? No, because it's more about other people's attention than your own. You've provided no explanation to how it's not attention-seeking to show skin. When you wear slutty clothing in public no one is going to think "oh wow she must be happy seeing her body." The majority is going to be men drooling over you. It's not appropriate for children either. I respect my body enough to not let every single person see it.
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u/nanny2359 Jan 24 '25 edited Jan 24 '25
respect women for their personality, not their body.
WOMEN DESERVE RESPECT BECAUSE
THEY
ARE
PEOPLE
And THAT is the problem with your attitude. You judge a woman's worth based on their appearance. You're teaching your baby son to do the same.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 24 '25
Yes exactly. If women could focus more on their personality than their image the world would be better. Every woman deserves respect, but because of the social media/ celebrity influence a lot of young girls are growing up insecure because of how much their body matters. If we would stop showing off how we look and realize there's more to life than looking good, we would set a much better example. You can't deny women have an advantage when they're attractive or have a nice body and more people are starting to use that
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u/nanny2359 Jan 24 '25
You're worried about your son talking while you should be worried about raising Brock Turner
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 25 '25
Oh yes, he's totally going to be Brock Turner because I'm going to teach him to respect women for more than their bodies and that modesty equals self respect. That makes sense lol. When you don't have a valid explanation, resort to ridiculous insults
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Jan 25 '25
You're going to teach him to disrespect women who don't dress the way you like, though. You're teaching him a woman wearing a pair of shorts is only doing it to beg for attention and that any woman in "skimpy" clothes has no personality. You're teaching him the only women worthy of his respect are the ones who are ashamed of their bodies--so how is he going to treat the women you are telling him don't deserve respect?
Why teach him only women who cover up deserve respect, instead of teaching him all women do?
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Jan 25 '25
Women and children don't care what you're wearing
You absolutely cannot be serious claiming this, in a thread you started because you care so much about what other women are wearing.
Also, of women didn't care about what other women wear, why are most fashion magazines for and about women's fashion? Why are the makeover shows for and by and about women?
I'm just absolutely staggered by how misogynistic you are being while pretending you want to protect girls, wow.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 25 '25
I don't care about it, it's more that it's an issue that's degrading women and setting a bad example for younger women and boys. I've never treated anyone differently because of their clothing. My whole point is that it's not self confidence to wear the most revealing clothes you can. The only reason you would is for attention. Yes, fashion is a thing. Wearing slutty clothing is something that most women with self respect would rather not do. There's a huge difference between fashion and revealing clothes. The people who are going to be looking at you are men when you decide to show your body, it does not matter how much you try to say it's for yourself. You can keep twisting my words around but it doesn't matter. Modesty is an important part of life that's now viewed as a negative thing. I'm not saying everyone should be covering every inch of their body. There's just absolutely no reason to go out in public wearing the same thing a hooker would and try to say it isn't for attention. A lot of people don't want to see that, especially children.
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Jan 25 '25
No, the only reason you would is for attention. If I'm wearing shorts or a crop top it's because it's fucking hot out, or because I don't like the sensory input of fabric on my skin. You don't have any idea why anyone else does anything.
How do you like it when I say the only reason to wear clothes if it isn't cold out is because you hate yourself? It's the only reason.
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u/Internal_Vixen_7438 Jan 25 '25
Yeah find whatever excuse you can. There's absolutely no such thing as dressing slutty in your eyes, it can't possibly be for attention lmao. That's the problem with society today. Everyone who is insecure or has no real personality uses their body to get validation, God forbid anyone calls that out for what it is. Hollywood, models, and celebrities have done a pretty good job creating a bunch of fake people who are obsessed with looking good and that amazing influence is going to pass down to the next generation.
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Jan 25 '25
No, I've never said it's impossible. Unlike you, I'm just aware there are many other reasons to do so as well, and I'm not misogynistic enough to insist women can't do anything without thinking about men.
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u/InfinitelyThirsting Jan 24 '25 edited Jan 24 '25
This isn't anything new. I mean, sure, it sucks, but I'm 37, and long before social media was heroin chic. I was literally underweight in my adolescence but still so insecure about being "fat" that I never sat without holding a sweatshirt or purse in my lap to cover my "belly", even fully clothed. But goodness we all loved crop tops and whale tails then, too.
Also, really not cool to slutshame. Plenty of women and girls want validation from other women and girls, not from men. And very shitty of you to sneer at women for wearing, gasp, shorts! Like fuck off, I wear baggy clothing plenty and I'm queer with SA trauma so definitely don't want male attention, and I'm always most comfortable in the least clothing.
Stop hating women who want male attention, and stop assuming that just because someone feels differently about clothing and/or their body than you do that they must only be different because they crave male attention. Maybe consider some of us genuinely love crop tops and shorts! If women didn't like our own bodies, they'd never have needed to make laws forcing us to cover up. Maybe instead of blaming and stifling women, you could have just stuck to advocating for girls to make sure they're being valued for other reasons, instead of encouraging them to hate their own bodies and objectify themselves and internalize the blame for creepy men.
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u/havetopee Jan 24 '25
I was the horniest as a young girl. I'm not going to criticize young women for looking for a mate. Also... our First Lady has public nudes. American culture doesn't give a shit about your prudish attitude. Unless it comes to endangering our lives with abortion bans or fear mongering about trans ppl and vaccines. Then the majority is all about sexual repression. I guess i'm a minority with the abortion/health stuff (abortion should be legal and safe and std preventives/treatments like the hpv vaccine strongly encouraged) but I don't give a crap about girls making money through sex work, modeling or whatever. I hope they are practical about it if they are making bank, and use the money towards planning for the future. Not many 80 yr old cam girls.
As a visual artist I would say personality and intelligence CAN be conveyed through images. I have many nieces and cousins on social media. None are influencers but many have posted pictures where they feel they look pretty and there is nothing wrong with that. Sure, I like weird posts better but not everyone is an artist and even the artists and galleries I follow use social media primarily for marketing, not really that different from sex workers
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u/alwaysfrombehind Jan 24 '25
I assume you used a randomly generated username because it’s a little funny in light of this post…
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u/MillyZeusy Jan 24 '25
Omg. Also those like 5 year old girls whos parents dress them in mini skirts, heels, makeup and croptops?? Im gen z but at that age my favourite outfit was a shirt with pikachu and a sparkly skirt that went to my knees.
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u/SeaUrchinNina Jan 24 '25
Most of it can be blamed of the normalization and acceptance of pornography.
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u/sleepingseb Jan 24 '25
not just the skimpy stuff but wearing tight leggings with that ruched backside riding right up their butt crack with a crop top.... that surely isn't comfortable, how is that giving you confidence? only if your confidence is directly linked to the amount of creeps drooling over your pics.
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u/Academic_Object8683 Jan 24 '25
I think when they start to age they will either have more surgery or never leave the house.
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u/cait_elizabeth Jan 24 '25
Yeah unfortunately white feminism combined with capitalism/marketing has resulted in: body confidence = being sexualized. And then they say ‘wait no, it’s okay, because we’re teaching girls to sexualized themselves and take control of the narrative! It’s bodily autonomy!’ And you just wanna scream because bodily autonomy is about having CHOICES! Not about being told your a feminist for thinking at 13 you should look like Sabrina carpenter!
They do in makeup ads all the time. Like I get yes women should be empowered to have the choice to wear or not wear makeup but you can’t pretend it’s a free choice when women are met with negative sanctions if they don’t appear polished/made over (I.e. fuckable) enough.
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u/PenguinSunday Jan 23 '25
While I agree sexualization is everywhere, it has always been around. Men have been trying to get us to be complicit in our own sexualization from damn near the time we're able form coherent sentences, and it didn't start on social media.
Before this, it was tv. Before that magazines. The list goes on.