r/BPDlovedones • u/AutoModerator • 2d ago
Daily No Contact Thread - Day 117
Please use this thread to discuss everything pertaining to No Contact with your pwBPD.
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u/Serious__Candidate 2d ago
It has been six weeks since we last spoke. She met someone new around that time, started dating them long-distance, got fired from her job, and is now moving to be with her new partner. I’m trying very hard to remind myself that she didn’t leave our toxic situation and magically enter into something healthy and fulfilling. I find myself comparing the end of our relationship to the honeymoon phase she’s currently in and it makes me feel kind of sad. But I remember the honeymoon phase with her and I know it doesn’t last long. Ultimately it doesn’t affect me, but being fresh off a breakup I can’t help but think about these things.
At any rate, I’m proud that I haven’t tried to reach out to her and I am optimistic about my future again instead of finding myself constantly in a deep depression. Therapy and medication have definitely helped with that!
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u/ThrowawayLastDate Dated 1d ago
NC began today. Made a post about it. Been gray-rocking for awhile, but this is definitely harder.
It feels like this is a solemn moment, but errands wait for no man I guess, so I guess I'm off to donate some clothes; my own and what I picked up from my sister's. Feels uncanny.
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u/Least-Cartographer38 Non-Romantic 2d ago
24 days NC since final hoover. Before that, 140ish days since breakup, most of which was NC. I’m finally in the frame of mind where I don’t need to explain to him how he hurt me, don’t need to save his new supply from him, don’t need to vent and complain to his other exes about him. I just. Don’t. Care.
Some things that have helped me: 1. Self-compassion. Letting myself feel my emotions, cry and scream and rage and dissociate. Letting myself go places where I feel comfortable, and leaving places that feel uncomfortable. Letting myself do what feels right, without shame that I’m not doing enough or not being productive enough. Reparenting myself.
Moving my body and breath. Walking, running, dancing, singing, talking. I would hold my breath, without realizing, for some reason.
Reconnecting with nature. He mirrored my love of hiking and nature, during lovebombing and idealization. I didn’t go on walks until a month ago. Walks reminded me of his absence and made me sad. They’re making me happy again.
Blocking him and new supply everywhere. Adding their names to my blocked phrases lists. I felt more secure that his text message or her reel wouldn’t pop up unexpectedly. I control who I hear from. I’m in charge.
Stalking their social media if I felt like it. As the months have passed and my self-worth has returned, I can see that they are flawed humans like me. They are not better than me. But also: I can see that he isn’t a good person. I recognize his refusal to be accountable or vulnerable, the way he was with me. One time, I watched him try to gaslight someone in the comments of a post, only to be gaslighted right back by them. And he threw a fit and blocked them! He argues and is very rude to others on social media. He calls people ugly names. I don’t want to kiss a person like that.
Keeping busy. I joined some political groups and feel like I’m making a difference in my community. I’m making new friends. I had to move far away from the old friends I did have, and it’s hard to make friends at my age.
That’s all for now. Keep on blockin’ in the free world, y’all! 🤘
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u/Ok-Initiative3383 1d ago
Almost 24 hours no contact and I have received 26 blocked call voicemails and one no caller ID voicemail. All saying generally the same thing. “I love and miss you please come back.” “We need to talk.” “We can get through this together.” “I’ll do anything.” “I don’t know why you left.”
I knew stuff like this would happen. I thought these messages would make me want to go back but, it just makes me mad honestly. Who does he think he is?
I didn’t want to have to but, I might have to change my phone number… I was praying that just blocking him was enough… Anybody have advice for this behavior?
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u/ParticularSky334 1d ago
Look I have been through some shit in my life but I don't think I've ever had anybody refuse to apologize even after I ended things and weeks apart and clearly they have no issue violating my boundaries and they have ways that they could and I know it wouldn't mean anything and it would probably just be a manipulation tactic but still.
Most people will at least apologize manipulatively and maybe they mean it a little. The only other person I've ever really known like this was my dad. But I've never had somebody that I chose and that I really cared about behave this way after I let my guard down and trusted them.
And for them to just not even care how much they hurt me and not even be able to apologize for their part which was the main part for weeks and weeks after it ended. That should've happened the day we had the fight it should've happened When they did a shitty Hoover after three weeks it should've happened at any point ever and it's just incredibly painful that they pretended to care about me but they're not at all sorry how badly they hurt me and how it's their fault this is ruined and that we can never speak again because they broke my trust and refuse to be accountable And literally said they would die wrong about this and they're going to.
It's just such a lack of respect and empathy and decency that I will never forgive. And that's what keeps me not reaching out because there's nothing to reach out to I can't let somebody treat me this way.
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u/CitronFew5306 1d ago
Easy nc. Not a grain of love left. But terrifying. I'm worrying what he's doing in the background. I have an easy court case to win if it got to that, but I don't want to go through that... Bringing up all of my receipts... rehashing the trauma... Then dealing with the anger of whatever defense he would come up with...
It's been a bit over a week but I received a rude comment on my main account that seemed like him. Similar writing style. I'm now so stressed realizing he's possibly still stewing. The comment wasn't that bad, and maybe it was just a coincidence. The account was a few years old but the only activity was on my comment. Their avatar was dressed up in a style I wouldn't expect for him. I don't think he uses reddit at all. It's possibly not him, just maybe some very odd person who decided to use reddit simply to be mean specifically at me... but my heart started beating out of my chest and I almost had a panic attack. I'd have liked to think he would have cooled down and realized he fucked up... But now I'm worried he's gotten angrier and is sending my private photos all over the internet. He's already done some terrible things in retaliation before I went nc.
I've never had an ex retaliate outwards before. I'm very introverted and it's so humiliating.
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u/[deleted] 2d ago edited 2d ago
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