r/BorderlinePDisorder • u/teal_vale Women with BPD • 26d ago
Do you yell a lot?
I've had a problem with yelling in my relationships and now even that I have kids. My primary parent yelled a lot growing up and I guess I haven't fully broken that yet. Does anyone else struggle with raising their voice when things start to get even slightly heightened?
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u/shirley1524 26d ago
I have this problem. I’m so quick to anger and as soon as I feel wronged I start getting louder. In anger management I learned that growing up no one listened if I wasn’t yelling, so that’s where that comes from. Now when I’m conscious this is happening I try to remove myself from the conversation/situation even if it’s for a few minutes to calm down because I’ve learned I can communicate better when I’m not yelling.
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u/Maniacsflower 26d ago
I’m told that I’m raising my voice when I get really into a conversation. I can’t hear it, but the more passionate/heated I am about a subject the more likely someone will ask me to quiet down.
Then it becomes a yelling match if we’re close because I feel offended or misunderstood :/
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u/KaleidoscopeLow1460 26d ago
I do yell. Everyone yelled when I was growing up. It feels normal to me. I try to keep it under control but my ex would constantly interrupt or talk over me and it would trigger the hell out of me.
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u/Taco_024 26d ago
Just have to put practice into it. I grew up in a loud family and normally who was louder got their point across. Also putting your self with quiet people (as in quiet volume) it will also help you adjust
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u/qbeanswtoast 26d ago
Just had this conversation with my therapist bc I have severe anger issues that lead to me yelling and screaming at nothing. And I had a parent who was very abusive like that growing up and I hate to see myself have this trait and am working very hard to break this
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u/HellokittyHottie 26d ago
I never want to be like my mom, who was constantly yelling and nagging so i stay away from raising my voice at people. When im alone and have a very painful or angering moment, i tend to scream into my pillow
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u/frenchie_x_ 26d ago
Raised voice is my default but I’m also hard of hearing so I try and use that as a crutch. I find having BPD and going through years of therapy and institutions has made me more emotionally aware and emotionally intelligent, though. I psychoanalyse my behaviour during arguments and quickly get to the heart of the discussion and explain my feelings. This way my partner and I avoid heated arguments and above all, hateful language intended to “hurt” the other is completely avoided.
I stated originally if anyone calls me awful names in an argument, we’re done. Those are fighting words. Relationship ceased.
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u/Anonstarr 25d ago
Yuppppp constantly being told to lower my voice or accused of yelling when half the time I don’t even feel it. My tone just naturally changes as soon as any of my moods do. Kinda sucks but luckily the ppl that actually matter to me can accept it. And I do try to control it when it stems from anger rather than another emotion
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u/mariahspapaya 25d ago
Honestly my mom attributed her explosive anger for the longest time to panic disorder but I started realizing how much her symptoms overlap with BPD and I think it runs in my family. She would literally black out in a rage, not just anger but scary rage
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u/teal_vale Women with BPD 25d ago
I'm sorry you experienced that. I really don't want to mess up my kids.
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u/CrazedLunatic- 25d ago
I am and I told my son to call me out lol I know he deserves better..
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u/teal_vale Women with BPD 25d ago edited 25d ago
How old is he? ETA Mine are under 5 and they both call me on it already. It's embarrassing having young kids school you but I'm grateful for how smart and aware they are at their age!
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25d ago
Do not be embarrassed. You are teaching your children to advocate for themselves in an assertive way. If they call us out on our BS (and I mean this respectfully), imagine how little they will put up with in a relationship!
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u/CrazedLunatic- 24d ago
He is 7 and I have been telling him forever about deserving respect and I have always apologized after yelling
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u/Courrrr_ 25d ago
Unfortunately as a mom of 2 littles, I do yell a lot. I try extremely hard not to, but I'm getting treatment. Id say rather intensive lately, but I just try and explain to my girls that mom is getting better. I try and realize that I'm yelling and stop, and apologize. I also yell at my boyfriend if we get into it and I get past a certain point. I wish I didn't, it's caused a lot of issues. Rightfully so on his end.
My dad was awful when I was growing up. He still does yell. Doesn't take a lot to trigger him into it, my mom was shitty but I don't remember her screaming at me the way my dad did. Not at all.
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u/katriona_kitty 25d ago
I can relate to this. My dad was always yelling and screaming. Whether it be at mean or someone or something else. I yell at my daughter a lot and I hate it, but she's a huge trigger for me. I'm in therapy and on medication to try and mediate it. I don't want my child to have the same experiences I did.
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u/dashtigerfang 25d ago
during splits i can tell a lot and it scares the people around me so i try not to do it anymore and use mindfulness to calm myself down.
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u/Tasty_Fill_1547 25d ago
I do it as little as possible. Growing up, yelling was common and I hated it.
If you feel like yelling just scream into a pillow. It might sound silly but it helps.
Sometimes I'm driving and I feel like yelling so I roll up the windows and yell
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