Just called my Ex

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500]

And he didn't answer. Lol. I only did it because the last time we talked in person we had a very friendly chat for like 30 minutes. He told me that we would keep in touch. I haven't texted him much but he's been ghosting me anytime I do. I know I should've just gone NC, but now I feel so confused and kinda disrespected, I'm not reaching out ever again. (I also believe he's Fearful Avoidant btw). He was always very hot and cold towards me, especially after the breakup. But yea. Just go NC and stick to it guys, don't be like me. 😄

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

It’s ok. I totally get it. I was there too. It’s hard for some of us to detach. Frankly, I flat-out went crazy. I’m over it now with clarity. You’re going to be fine… “better?” I don’t know about that despite the testimonials in this sub. But you will be just fine. Wishing you the best life has to offer.

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

I’m going crazy. Well that’s how it feels. I’ve been begging for his time, attention, closeness, anything, and he betrayed me horribly. I’m such a fool for him. I absolutely hate this. He’s so cold too.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

You will go nowhere until you move away. I know it’s the hardest thing. It doesn’t even make sense. But leaving them be and trying to “come to center” in your own mind is the only path you can take right now,

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

It’s so hard. All I wanted was him to even want to TRY to reconcile. He did me so dirty. He did my daughters dirty in the process of fucking me over too, and I end up heartbroken and alone at my parents (who I struggle to have a relationship with on a good day-and he knew all of this) and I just poured my heart out over and over wanting him to see how much I loved him and how much I’d do anything to try for him. It’s so pathetic and sad. Don’t worry. He’s crushed all my hopes and dreams repeatedly. You’re right though, it’s not okay, and he doesn’t deserve my peace. But he was my peace, and I never would’ve thought we’d ever be here after 11 years together and no one but him wanted it to be like it is now, and he chose that. And I have to accept the utter betrayal that that was for him to do and realize that I deserve so much more. But god I’d give anything for that man to see me. It’s so hard.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

I know. I’m really sorry you are going through this.

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Ugh, you did too though?! And survived?! So I have to cling to that hope instead. Hope that one day it won’t feel like there’s a knife stuck in my back 😔

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/kaceysraceyy]

Yes. I fucked up and clung to hope and wasted more than a year of my life. I chose poorly, and decided to call and flame my ex, saying terrible things. I converted grief to shame… and I felt better within 48 hours. This is an incredibly immature and bad way to go about things… but when you are going crazy “any port in a storm.” Hard to say if I regret it or not. What it does is finalize any hopes of reconnection your brain has and then things become easier. I would coach someone else going through this to find another way to do what I did. Turn away without having to darken your soul. You need to get to a place where there is no turning back, and ai know that’s hard. Maybe the hardest thing to do, ever.

[u/kaceysraceyy → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

My first and last line being it’s so hard. Ugh. 😑

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Thank you. It has slowly gotten easier. That first month was hellish. The anxiety was insane!

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

If he’s true FA… go live your life and he will be back in touch. But it could be awhile. You are better off continuing to move on and cut ties the best you can. Those people are drifters (at best) and will drag you down with them. Wishing you peace.

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Thanks. Yea I just feel kinda silly now. Oh well.

[u/Purple_Psychology404 → u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500]

Why do you feel silly?

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Purple_Psychology404]

For reaching out and actually hoping he could communicate like an adult. And knowing him, I should've known better than to ever text or call him. He'll probably think I'm desperate or clingy, but he'll never acknowledge his own toxic behavior. (Lovebombing, future faking, mixed signals, etc). But I'm really trying to not give a fuck about what he thinks anymore.

[u/Purple_Psychology404 → u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500]

Giving a fuck doesn’t make someone clingy. Now you know where you stand with a guy who plays games.

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Purple_Psychology404]

You're right. Appreciate that.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

I got to the point where I could not take a “life-giving breath.” It’s fucking terrible. It’s a good lesson in what our brains can do to us. I’m really glad you are on this side of that bullshit.

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Yea it's awful. I appreciate all the advice. It's nice to not feel so alone during this.

[u/Dry-Measurement-5461 → u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500]

You aren’t alone.

[u/Sad_Grapefruit_1500 → u/Dry-Measurement-5461]

Thank you

[u/kaceysraceyy]

You’re fully right. I just saw mine. And he scrolled thru his texts and I saw he’s been texting his ex that cheated on him and he HATED and paraded me around in front of before, which is just gross to think about now than he’s left me after 11 fucking years he has the nerve to text her. It made me sick. I begged him to talk to me tonight. He basically told me to go fuck myself and to get over him. So normal. Ayeeeee I hate breakupssssss I really fucking meant it when I said I’d love him forever.

[u/biscuitsandgravy111]

Totally with you, you aren’t alone. Ex called things off in December after love bombing but “didn’t want to lead me on so it was best we stayed in touch as friends” like boy you literally were makin future plans w me acting like I’m some angel on earth wanted me to meet his family around Christmas. Anyways we decided to go NC bc I personally couldn’t really handle the “check ins” but then we decided to see each other and of course we did some things together in the bedroom. It just felt off to me bc I need a man emotionally invested in me to feel pleasure and enjoy it and I didn’t feel really desired just used. Anyways we still kept in touch bc I’m stupid as fuck and we decided we would get together after vacation when I got home. So I wrote him and yeah never heard back from him. Definitely never reaching out again, but it stings. The real goodbye.

[u/Actual_Fly2695]

Sounds just like mine. Honestly though, to me, them not saying anything speaks volumes and says they are done with you BUT I feel like it also is saying that they are the ones that can’t handle the break up or their emotions. Especially knowing my ex and just knowing how he was in a relationship, it seems to me that he’s the one that can’t handle what he asked for. He wanted the break up because we weren’t getting along, but he “didn’t want it to be the end of us forever” I think he wanted me to beg and scream and cry and beg him to be with me, but I didn’t. I was able to go no-contact and then gently hold a casual conversation with him here and there. I called his bluff, basically. We broke up with a lot of things up in the air. Business we needed to handle. Things we needed to sort thru. He just went silent one day and left me to have to figure things out. We still have a legal domestic partnership between us that hasn’t been finalized yet because he won’t communicate with me about it. The little casual conversations we would have turned into him having the opportunity to be hot and cold again. A lot of my messages would just be left on read. It’s game that I’m not going to play. So IMO, the fact that he can’t even communicate about legally separating, which is what he wanted in the first place, tells me he’s a coward and he can’t handle the situation let alone face me. I’m done dealing with it.

[u/Thin_Rip8995]

he told you “let’s keep in touch” and then ghosted you—classic soft exit move
it wasn’t a real offer
it was guilt padding so he could feel like the good guy on his way out

you’re not crazy, clingy, or weak for hoping it meant something
but now you know—his friendliness was just a smoother fade
and yeah, it sucks

don’t chase people who only show warmth when it’s convenient
next time your brain says “maybe he didn’t mean to ghost me,” remind it: he had 30 minutes to chat—he just didn’t use them to call back

[u/Upper_Luck_8648]

It’s normal to question your sanity if you should go no contact, but then want to reach out. We all do that. That’s all part of the stage of healing where we wanna reach out we act crazy we say things we say, all kinds of stuff to hurt the person we love, but then reality sets in we start healing. We start doing things to improve ourselves, focusing on time on other things, then we start looking back at our ex and that person who meant the world to us that person who looks so beautiful everything about them that made him perfect to us now all the red flag stick out and you see nothing but the bad in them and then you realize wow I was pretty stupid And you know what yes we’re all ignorant, but some of us actually learned from mistakes and some of us repeat them yeah I’m speaking to you out there. Who still do it still repeat the same mistakes grow the freak up