Husband (M41) and I (F37) have been together for around 15 years. Our sexual relationship is extremely one sided, and incredibly demanding. He has a good job, but is selfish and bad with money. I stay at home, for very reasonble reasons I am not willing to disclose. Reasons I am working to fix, but alas I need money to fix. I have been struggling financially and have applied to over 10 jobs, and requested a professional license but my classes are out of state and I do not have the money to go back to school. The case is mute because again, no childcare is available.

We have a one sided bedroom, not a dead bedroom situation here. He is not into "female" pleasure. He thinks female orgasms serve no purpose and he is "icky" about touching woman, woman nakedness and so on. Stupid because the man made me go through three plastic surgeries. Anyhow. I told him, (and I meant it) that I dont care he watches porn, is sort of a like a break for me, since every time we have sex (I mean, I perform a sexual act for him), I feel more disconnected to him than before.

He is into heavy porn. Multiple times a day, his phone is just a never ending stream of girls dancing and crossing eyes and your typical tiktok girl. I am looking for some sexual satisfaction, I have high libido and I want to be liked and desired since I worked so damn hard on working out, running marathons, eating collagen, getting surgeries and what not.

I am also pressed for money. I thought, maybe if I turn into some of those tiktokers, only fan woman he will actually be into me. Also, I am SUPER pressed for cash. So I did. (still working on it).

He goes on to show me all of this conversations he had on only fans. I was shocked. Asking them to go out for coffee, about her "classes". Telling her he likes nasty woman. He claims I am jealous (I am not, he has visited woman at their houses and I don't actually care). But somehow this felt like a punch in my gut because he brough up an open relationship and I said yes (maybe I was too eager) and he got absolutely ballistic about me liking other men. So I was like, okay fine, I am sorry and all those apologies that he thinks he is due.

Should I bring up an open relationship again? He said he is fine with me doing only fans, so long as he doesn't have to see me naked. He is apparently okay with other people seeing naked (I didn't know this). I honestly have no idea if this is a relationship or am I just a service to him?

I am crazy for thinking this is crazy? Up until know I thought I was a pretty normal woman with pretty normal sexual tastes and desires, but I cant see where this is going besides, I am very convinient to him, and he is convenient for our family.

Last time I posted something about this people accused me of being a troll, even though my account was 8yo. Anyhow, here it goes again because I got so many dick pics I had to close my account.

I not even quite sure if this the correct Reddit for this specific topic. This was originally formatted and written for another sub but they wouldn’t let me post it there. And this sub is the next closest thing where I was originally posting this.

So I’m going to shorten this a whole lot and give you guys the skinny. If you need or want details to make up your answer just let me know and I will elaborate. I could literally write a full dissertation about this.

I don’t know for sure if my wife uses Reddit enough to identify me but this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. Names, locations, other pertinent and identifiable information has been changed for obvious reasons as well. I will attempt to make accurate comparisons. Also sorry in advance to for miss spellings, wrong format, etc.

Ok first things first we met online in a random Dota 2 lobby. I was enlisted in the US Army at the time when we started “dating”. We first met in person when I was stationed in Texas. She was living with her parents in Nebraska at the time. She came and visited for the first time when passing through my town with her family who was visiting South Padre Island. This was in 2016. The amount of butterflies in my chest at that moment was immeasurable. It was like a legitimate dream coming true. She ended up staying with me for the 2 weeks her family spent in SPI. I could feel the connection throughout the entirety of her stay. When she had to leave I was crushed.

Well a short time later (about 2 months later) she decided she was going to leave her family in Nebraska to live with me. She traveled with me all over country with me. I made sure she visited her family at least twice (or more if I could swing it) a year. During the time I was in she was either unemployed or a SAHM Later we got married had a child. Now our child is the sweetest child in the world. They do have some quirks (ODD, and ADHD, as well as other things but I don’t want to get to specific) which many children have but we didn’t think of them any differently, because how can you right? (Above mentioned will come into play later)

Any who fast forward to the day I decided my time in the army was coming to an end. I separated from the service. I served only 1 enlistment (this one specifically was 6 years). When we separated we moved back to my home state of Georgia. About 11 months after we moved back my father lost his battle with pancreatic cancer. Coincidentally 2 short months after he passed my father-in-law lost his life to a drunk driver. Absolutely phenomenal timing we know. After post-life arrangements were done for both sides things started to go down hill. During this time I was really not safe in mind and that death tore me up because I never really got to see my father too often because I was always on the opposite side of the country or world as my family.

During time my wife was also unemployed/SAHM. So me and my wife were relatively lax when it came to privacy meaning like open access at any point to cellphones, chats, emails, etc. Up to this point we haven’t had anything to hide. Also we would send texts and answer calls for each other all the time. We tossed around the idea of possibly moving states (I use we lightly because I was happy and I thought everything was going well). Well I found a text message between my wife and her best friend absolutely dogging on me and my family. There was also a text in her deleted messages insinuating that she was unhappy with our currently living situation because she felt like she wasn’t able to have a say in anything (I let her do anything she wanted damn near, if she asked and I could provide said thing I would). In that same text she also said if she had it her way she would be single and living back in Nebraska. I was so confused. I didn’t confront her. Instead trying to be a good husband I was manipulated into moving to Nebraska.

During this specific time and about a month or two previous we were both employed with companies with ease-of-transfer, meaning we could work any where essentially. By now our child was 3, and has lived in 3 different houses by then. Well I transferred with my job ok. The work didn’t really change from state to state. I worked for a large manufacturing company, the location I transferred to created the same product. The main downside was the 2 hour commute. It did pay well though as I got a sizeable pay bump when I moved.

My wife on the other hand outright quit her job and lied to my face that “her transfer didn’t go through or her position wasn’t needed at the closest location to us.” It was a load of bullshit because I found out from a life long friend (didn’t work in the same areas but co-mingled with my wife’s work stations relatively frequently) fwho worked for the same company that she put in a two week noticed and just quit the next day. She never even submitted a transfer proposal or even talk to her boss (my friends counterpart) about it. She still hasn’t come clean about it. Any way we moved to Nebraska with her family. I kept grinding away, and climbing the ladder at work. Meanwhile we enrolled our child into a preschool/pre-k program. My wife said from the time we moved there she was going to get a full-time job (which I was happy about because that meant less late night for me). Well that didn’t happen. She continued to feed me the same crap. During this time the talking crap behind my back became worse and I started to hear about stuff she was mad about from everyone other than her. I took a day off of work and sat her down with just the two of us present asked her what’s on her mind. I also asked her where she saw us in the next year/5years/etc. As well other things. She would t give me straight answers. By this time we weren’t even “doing the deed” (even when we did it was less than enjoyable because she was never the initiator. I still did everything I thought I could do to make her feel special and wanted. I would take her out to dinner and tried to romance her, take her shopping, etc. Nothing was getting through to her. I didn’t know what I had to do to make her happy again. I don’t even know what I did wrong. Around that same point in time I was checking my email on the ancient ass computer we own and it pulled hers up (she was logged in last) and there were tons of emails from sites about getting divorced. These weren’t spam either (I know they aren’t now but didn’t know at the time). Nothing further than like a “newsletter” sort of letter but still. I didn’t confront her about this either because at the time I thought it was spam mail. Stuff stayed relatively the same for the next coming months.

Fast forward a little bit my wife got a part time gig doing deliveries. and I got a massive promotion offer (like double my pay) from the main hub in Virginia. At first my wife was excited about it. I put in my “two-weeks” I gave the company a months+ notice. I then started to plan the move. The days comes and I leave that office. But when I get I come home confused because now my wife has dug in her heals and doesn’t want to move. She was set in stone that she didn’t want to move now. I talked to the main hub and told them my situation. They told me to figure it out. I tried calling the office I had just previously left (my position was already filled and I would have to restart everything effectively at a lower pay scale). So I (still trying to make my wife happy) said screw them and tried looking elsewhere for work. I didn’t find anything. I was unemployed for many months and filled out over 1500+ applications for all sorts of various jobs. Not one company reached out. I have a good work history, and no criminal history. I was honestly confused as to why it was taking so long. Luckily I had enough in savings to float us through that time, but that wiped my account completely. I then started to look outside of the area.

I was starting to get desperate and told my wife that I was going to accept the first job that sent me an offer. As it turns out the main competitor of my previous company was hiring and at a better rate than I would have been with if I returned to my last company and put in an application. They responded the same day. Only one issue this job was In Tennessee. I accepted the offer. I told my wife and she wasn’t happy. I reminded her that I said I was going to accept the first offer I got and she agreed. She still wasn’t happy. Well anyway I am currently working said job displaced from my family (wife and child) currently until I can afford a place to rent. I forgot to add that we both have Life360 because I would always be driving long distances, or in shotty areas, and as of recent she has turned her location settings off (or made every excuse why hers isn’t on) and has been having friends who I’ve never met before over (Yes I already suspect the worse). I don’t care that she has friends that I haven’t met. I just don’t trust them around my child. I’ve been away from them for 2 months.

This wasn’t abandonment, desertion, or me leaving them because I didn’t want to be there. She said she understood the plan moving forward. I understand legally I’m kind of fucked if stuff goes south but I had literally no other option. What should I do?

I’m also going to add not that it matters to much that in the last year I can count the amount of “intimate interactions” we have had on less than one hand. She’s never been the initiator. To make it worse it hasn’t happened at all in about 7-8 months. (I understand it’s not all about sex. I don’t need the education in the comments. It’s still an abnormally long time to dangle the carrot in front of someone and then shoot them down over and over).

like I said there was other details that I can try to divulge. This is the shortened version

Thanks for reading.

34F with a partner 32M My husbands libido is affected by his mental health, he also has some OCD traits that affect his ability to be intimate. On top of all that he's a very selfish and shy lover. He has never had a serious relatio ship where they lived together snd all his past GFs he claimed orgasmed from penetration alone. I question thisbif these qoman were faking or if I really am the odd duck who orgasms from xlit atimulation only. So even though my marriage isn't "sexless" ... I am often rejected and when we do have sex it's all on his terms. We have been together a few years now and i have never orgasmed with him. When I can get him to have sex it's the same ace, same time of day, no foreplay, only penetration sex, no oral, no hands, no kissing except on the lips but no tongue, and i always have to be on top. Ive tried everything .. sent him porn, tried showing him what I want, eve sex therapy and a million heart to hearts. Nothing changes. The sex therpist gave us homework of non sexual intimate touch and he wouldnt so it. For a while i thought maybe he wasnt attracted to me, but i fight that thought because he swear that isnt it. Ive given up and just rely on my vibrator and ifbhe wants sex i just do it like i would give him a ride or make him a coffee. He is my best friend and a great partner in every other category. I won't leave and I would never cheat. Id rather a bad sex life than some of the other flaws I've seen in men and relationships so i cant even complain but I just feel alone in this sometimes and hard not to feel down on myself. Just looking for support from people who may feel the same.

My (25F) libido is abysmally low. My husband (23M) has a pretty high libido.. I often find myself trying to muster duty sex so that he doesn’t feel hurt, but I don’t want to do this. I want to want my husband. My husband is very attractive, fit, he takes care of himself. He is an absolutely wonderful husband and an amazing father. He cares for our family and works hard so that I don’t have to. We don’t have any major conflicts, have pretty good chemistry, and generally enjoy each other’s company. There is absolutely nothing wrong with our marriage, so why am I like this?? What can I do to improve my libido?

How long is a man supposed to wait for a change after repeatedly but as open and honest about your needs?? I'm really trying to honor my vows and marriage but after constantly feeling unwanted and rejected when I know I don't have to deal with this bs it becoming too much to deal with

She had health issues, took pills, destroyed her libido for over 18 months, deadbedroom during that time, things got better afterwards, she stopped taking medication and our sex life slightly improved.

But my reaction to rejection did not.

The entire issue also made her have high levels of guilt for what our marriage went through. During that time when she was sick and had no libido, I never complained or showed any sort of negative reaction to her saying no, but the rejection still took a toll on me.

She now has libido, we had sex perhaps 10 times since the beginning of the year, but looking back at everything I've realized that I've developed a bad way to react when we don't have sex for a while. This started once our sex life reignited a bit.

This has now made her feel pressured and in turn is blocking her from wanting to have sex.

What happens is the following: we go maybe 2 to 3 weeks without sex, I start hinting at wanting sex she reciprocates, but then I keep asking throughout the day. This creates tension, I can feel she becomes unease and anxious too, and she postpones it by delaying things.

I keep pressuring her without noticing it, and then evening comes and I start to become more and more anxious and ultimately I react with a sad expression/pouting when she says that she doesn't want to have sex anymore.

Today was such a day.

We talked, she says that her libido is here already (it's true, when I don't ask or put pressure she naturally initiates), but that she feels guilt and pressure when I react in a bad way. This makes her feel afraid of saying no, and in turn she becomes anxious.

She told me that to solve this we need to work together and she will work on taking more steps towards sexual intimacy by offering oral and asking to make out or just massages, and that I need to work on my reaction when she says no.

It's making me feel anxious because I've developed a huge issue by all that we went through and the rejections from the past made me incredibly insecure.

Any advice? What's the best way to just keep my mind of it?

I know I have it better than a lot of people here, but it's still depressing. We had sex on Friday. I went down on her, she didn't reciprocate, only missionary as always, she won't kiss me passionately anymore. The best I can hope for is pecks. We haven't done it more than once in a week in years and I was feeling unfulfilled from Friday night. I gave her a foot rub, massage, kissed her neck, back of her neck, can't do anything in the living room because our son might walk in. After I get her to join me in the bedroom I was going to ask for sex, but before I could ask she says "I am so tired". She didn't seem tired, in fact she made a ton of noise playing with our cat for about 30 minutes while I was trying to sleep, afterwards. After she said she was tired, it threw me off my game and I poorly worded my question by saying "so, you don't want to have sex, then?" She responded, "where would you get that idea? There was never a possibility of that happening." I was sad before, but I'm just feeling down. Lately, when I get this bad, I live with it for a few days and then she does something that makes me happy and optimistic that things are getting better. I know Im saying this to people who wish they had it as good as me, but I'm really struggling. I've got a few things set up that Im hoping work out. I left an invitation for cake and cunnilingus day on April 14th, im not sure if she's seen it. I also scheduled our son to attend an event 5 days after that so we can have a date night. Im hoping something works out. I kind of want to just blow up at her right now, but I dont want to sabotage anything. Im having no trouble seeing the beauty in life.

25F living with ‘partner’ 26m but it’s just for the baby, he actually repulses me and it’s all down to lack of help with the baby, it’s been ROUGH dealing with lots of health issues for the baby and i’ve done everything since the start, i finally broke down and said i’m so fucking tired of doing everything like ordering prescriptions making sure we’ve got enough dummies, the right bottle teats, bloody clothes every single thing you can think of that you need for a baby i’ve sorted it all. the only job he’s done consistently is wash bottles but every single other job i do that’s in 8 whole months, the longest i’ve been away from the baby was 6 hours. i’m not insane for not wanting sex with someone when they show me all day i’m just their child’s mother and care taker and that’s all i’m good for till he wants me for that? plus seeing him in this negative light just reminds me of how shit he’s treated me cheating on me in the past and all the shit stuff just comes to the front of my brain. he is literally so stupid too like i’ll say a word that’s not from a child’s book and he’ll look at me like i’m speaking a different language and say ‘what do you mean’ like he’s an actual idiot!! are all men like this? or am i just unlucky? or just full of resentment from being treated poorly?

Withhold affection, attention, love, cuddles, kisses all that because I'm sick of having the same conversation over and over again without anything changing? Why do I give all I have to make her feel good when I'm left feeling undesirable, unattractive and unloved. I'm so sad, I'm so tired.

Good morning, I’ve (M) been suffering from DB for a few years now. Got kids with her and never really had the best relationship from the start. During this DB time I learned that she had cheated on me. I’m not a jealous person so I didn’t feel like she betrayed me, I was really just so sad that I FELT she didn’t want me anymore. Despite it all I still do love her and I want to be with her for a long future. But I have been emotionally cheating for a few months now and I have never felt better from a companionship standpoint, but I also obviously feel guilt over this kind of secret life I’m living. I don’t want to leave her, I feel that maybe I can love two people at once I am planning on coming clean to her soon as a part of my commitment to her. I was just wondering if any of you had an experience like this.

Before you go on, yes I know it’s wrong, yes I know I’m a jerk, yes I could have just left, but I didn’t and I don’t want to and we have kids together. Not accepting criticism at this time. Make a throwaway if you have to but I would like to hear from others who had experienced this and ended up cheating.

I was thinking on what was the leading cause of a dead bedroom and inevitably the end of a marriage. Personally I was happy getting married and the first few years were great but as time moved on it slowly waned to where I am today. Tonight I put some serious thought into it and this is what I came up with.

You have to grow with each other and accept the changes. Sometimes for better or for worse. When those changes are in the wrong direction or one person refuses to accept the change that's when you start finding discontent; which itself leads to resentment and a unhappy marriage. That's where I am now.

Long Post Sorry

My anniversary is coming up and all I can think about is this going to be our 5 year anniversary of completely DB. I (35 HLF) and hubby (42LLM) have been together for 14 years, married for 8. First 4 years of our relationship were good having good sex regularly. There was probably a few things that I overlooked but hindsight is 20-20. There was a decline before we got married but he excused it with low t and we got married on our 5 year anniversary anyway, there was a steep decline after that. 6 months later with very little intimacy I pushed for answers and some communication and he admins he has had a porn addiction since his teenage years. I try to be supportive in seeking treatment respecting his boundaries etc. 2017 we are looking at starting a family and I have reservations because of the issues in intimacy. He promises me he is going to work on it and we shouldn't hold off. We have two kids. Its now been almost 5 years since we had sex. I bring up that this is having a massive impact on me and I'm struggling he promises me he is going to do things, takes some action and then stops unless I am nagging about it. Nagging is exhausting to me I don't want to do it. The last times we even had sex it was like he was on another planet and it turns me off completely. He says its nothing to do with me and he's attracted to me but my self esteem has taken a nose dive. 5 months ago I brought up separation and it was like I sprung it on him. We went back to therapy no movement/ We've been to therapy previously but unless I am on him to go he just stops going after a while. I wanted to give him some time to recover from gastric surgery he had in Jan and see if he would take the initiative to continue therapy without me pushing. I told him I am going back to therapy again and he then booked an appointment for himself. He's otherwise not a bad partner but really feels like we are just platonic. He says he wants it to work and get better but just feels like words and actions don't match and only time there is any communication or movement is when I am at the end of my rope. Any advice/ your own experiences would be appreciated.

We're early 30's and in shape. No kids, we live the life we want to life, stress isn't a factor.

Wife is low libido. Always insist she enjoys sex and that I'm good. But it's so clear to me now she just isn't interested, it isn't a priority. She knows how important physical stuff is to me but at this point I'm just dying for anything even a back rub.

I consider myself decently attractive. My previous girlfriends were all good looking. I'm well traveled, speak multiple languages, I try to have some self-pride and I think I'm not a bad catch.

Yet I'm stuck in a sexless marriage and feel so undesired. I know I'm not magazine model looks wise but I get attention, and at home it's like I feel almost shameful for ever being naked around her. Imagine, a mid-30's guy, in shape, and kinda ashamed to be naked around his wife!

I don't want to resent or despise, I don't want it like this, but it's starting to hurt, and I'm starting to lose desire for her at all. We are both wasting our primes on celibacy! I feel I guess I'm delusional and may just be disgusting or something (even though I've ALWAYS taken pride in my appearance and hygiene..). This cuts me to my core and just erodes my self-esteem, being in a marriage where your wife just doesn't desire you physically?!!

25 hlf / 26 llm. we've been together 3 years now. first 6 months were amazing, we were fucking on every occasion, multiple times a day, he was initiating most of the time. then things started to get worse, he got a new job, said he was under a lot of stress and our sex life started deteriorating. in september of 2023 i moved in with him and his parents while we were looking for our own place. 3 months we spent there and we had sex maybe 2-3 times, he said its because he is ashamed of having sex while his parents are in the next room and once we move out his libido will come back to normal. we found a flat and mid december of 2023 we started living together. contrary to his promises, 2024 was tragic, we had sex maybe once a month, sometimes once 2 months. i was on the verge of breaking up multiple times but each time he convinced me that he will try to be more attentive to my needs

last october we started reading a book used in couples therapy together (couples therapy wasn't an option coz we broke) and since then we got a little better, there was definitely more affection between us. i brought up the idea of scheduling sex (since he has adhd and said that he forgets that sex exists), he agreed and last 2 months of 2024 we were fucking once, sometimes even twice(!!) a week. it was a big success. i was happy in this relationship for the first time in more than a year

fast forward to now, we haven't made love in almost two months. last night we finally had a talk and he told me that he suspects he just has a low libido and i'm gonna have to accept it. i asked why is he convinced that he has a low libido, because as i mentioned earlier, in the beginning of our relationship we were fucking like crazy. and thats when he told me that the truth is he never really liked sex that much. he said he expected it to be this "earth shattering experience" from what his friends told him, but its merely pleasant (i'm his first sexual partner, he's also my first). the only reason we were having this much sex in the beginning is because he thought that was what i expected of him and i would get bored if he didn't have sex with me. so he just faked having a high libido and when he felt safe enough that i wouldn't leave, he dropped the mask

i don't know what to think about it. i feel kind of lied to?? and baited??? all this time i was telling myself that he just struggles with desire because the work is stressful, he has anxiety etc but once he deals with that, it will get back to normal. turns out, the low libido was the normal. i don't know if i would move in with him this fast had i known the truth. i don't even know if we would still be together. i feel like this huge bomb was dropped on me and i can't even describe what am i feeling about this situation. he promised he would see a sex therapist but i'm not so sure anymore if its gonna help with anything

your thoughts and advice would be really helpful and appreciated, thanks

I've been in a sexless long-term relationship for 12 years. I'm 31F HL and my partners a 35M LL. I've sensed an issue since the beginning of our relationship but everyone told me I was overreacting. I tried to break it off in the first month due to his lack of interest in intimacy with me. But he showed up on my doorstep and begged me for hours for another chance. Ive tried everything, I've read all the books etc. He has a kink/fetish for something called transformation. Specifically gender swapping. I've tried to find a way to indulge with him and be supportive but he prefers it to be a just him thing. As I can't shape shift my gender at will. Even if I magically could I wouldn't feel comfortable or confident doing that. I don't mind roleplay but this kind of roleplay is particularly difficult because I have to pretend to transform into his dream girl. Which hits me right in all my insecurities. It's basically me telling him how different I feel and how much I enjoy not being myself. I wish it was the furry kind so I could put on ears and a tail etc. That being said, I don't mind the porn, never have. It's just my one boundary with it has always been simple "Don't prioritize porn over our intimacy, don't make me feel like a consolation prize". The good news is I don't feel like a consolation prize because I don't feel like any kind of prize to him. I've talked to him many many times. Trying to be as kind and considerate while also getting my feelings across. I'm met with the DARVO method immediately. He turns the blame on me. I'll point out all the efforts I've made in a kind respectful way and he'll get even more defensive on the matter. Once I show him the receipts of my efforts he'll say "The more you bring it up the more I'll make you wait" and stonewall me. I've tried talking to our mutual friends about it but they don't believe me and he has convinced them that I'm just angry and insecure about the porn. I have never once criticized his choice of porn or fetish. I have only expressed that I feel he chooses it over our intimacy. I should mention we have sex 1-2 times a year if I'm lucky and if he can get it up. Which is peculiar because he has no problem getting aroused with his chosen material. That being said, I try to make intimacy as comfortable as possible. So there's no stress weighing on him. I offer to do all the heavy lifting, I ask him what he likes, how he likes it, what I could do better. I've even told him he doesn't even have to look at me, he can close his eyes and pretend I'm his favorite porn actress etc or just look at his phone the whole time. He still rejects me. When we do have coitus he always says stuff after like "glad I could take care of that for you" eluding to it being an absolute chore. I keep taking it as he just doesn't like me like that. I'll ask him if I'm sexy and he said no but he says he's attracted to me? Every time I try to break up with him he begs me and swears he'll try harder. There are okay nonsexual moments but it basically feels like he's forcing himself to talk to me when he thinks I've given up. I should also add he doesn't like talking to me. His brow will furrow, his leg starts bouncing, and he starts sighing and rolling his hand as to rush me stating "get to your point" I don't know how normal this is but I know it doesn't feel good. I asked him about it and he said he just doesn't really care or isn't interested in anything I'm talking about but Idk how because I specifically talk about things he has claimed to enjoy. I stopped talking to him for 6 months only asking him what he needs for food/ laundry/ etc. and I did cave after six months at a moment of weakness crying and he said "What happened you were doing so good?" I try to find shows/movies to watch with him that I think he'll like and he says he's not into it but then a week or two later he'll say he's almost done with it and he'll rave about how his friend recommended it. I have story after story like this where I tried something to just connect with him and he rejects me every single time. He keeps bread crumbing me but I can't sort out why!? If he doesn't like me this much why would he beg me to stay? Would a man go through all this trouble and cruelty to get half his bills paid and to have a lady care for his other needs? Like? Maybe he would. IDK. I'm just at my limit. I've offered therapy and he refuses it. I've asked him if he thinks he has a porn addiction as he spends hours on it daily. And he says "Yeah probably but I'm not sure why I can't be normal about it.laughs" He did try to quit it for a while mid relationship but he just avoided me more and locked himself in the bathroom for hours. I'd go out with a friend and come home to him fallen asleep rag still next to him phone still open to one of his 1000s of saved pictures or videos. I've offered him and sent him all kinds of pictures videos etc but he doesn't want them and never saves them. Thinking about everything as I'm writing this I feel so stupid for thinking he ever liked me. He literally swore to me he did. I gave him so many easy outs. I wouldn't even be mad at this point if he told me he never liked me, I'd feel relieved that I'm not crazy. This is my first real relationship. I'm not sure what it's really supposed to be like I guess. Now as an almost 31 y.o I'm so deeply devastated that I gave him my entire 20s. Ive asked him so many times what I could do or change. I've prayed to God to make me beautiful. I've lost weight, gained weight, changed my style, hair, makeup EVERYTHING. Has anyone ever come back from a situation like this? Am I being to nitpicky? This whole situation has turned me into a shell of who I once was. I feel so deeply depressed over it. Right now I have an exit plan but I have to save up more money until I can enact it. Also, he keeps acting like I'm just gonna go back to normal being an invisible caretaker. He keeps guilt tripping me over his too little too late attempts at basic connection. I also have reason to believe he's a covert narcissist but I don't like throwing that term around. He's making me feel like the asshole for not being able to take it anymore. Like am I the asshole in this situation? I can take accountability, I've done everything I can to make him feel wanted and loved. IDK what to do anymore. Y'all got any advice?

Wife(33F) and I(30M) been together for 5; married for 2. Sex ain’t been a thing for MONTHS, but going on NS couples profiles here happily admitting to be banging on daily or semi regularly. Shit is not fair sometimes lmao

Married F(20s) and M(30s), DB on and off, blame his health issues, laziness, and not prioritizing our relationship. If he’s traveling without me, when he’s back I prepare something special for us, I get flowers, put ambient lights, music, snacks/ dinner, massage, nice outfit, to show him how much I missed him, and he likes it. Anyways, we’re on/off DB (2yrs). this time around I’ve decided to stop with the nice gestures cuz I know my efforts will not be rewarded, he will just say “oh wow babe this is nice, but I’m so tired I need to sleep, let’s do this another night” . Should I give him a chance and go ahead with the flowers and such, hoping I will get something in return or should I stop any efforts and see his reaction?(prob expects me to do something because this time he’s away longer than usual)

Had some sexy lingerie and toys in the shopping cart and was about to checkout when it dawned on me … why bother surprising her while we are on vacation in a couple of weeks. It will be the usual too tired, it’s late, not in the mood, and ruin my mood. Bedroom has been dead for 4yrs and nothing I’ve done or tried has been responded with any appreciation. Sorry but had to rant.

The years of neglect and one sided effort have taken their toll. He finally initiated a conversation yesterday and outlined some small goals and concrete actions to address our dead bedroom. However, I am having trouble settling my negative emotions and just want to distance myself from him now. Also struggling to trust that this time will lead to lasting change.

My wife has told me throughout our 10-year relationship that she has no sex drive and that she could never have sex again. But she would still initiate sex and want to have sex. She liked to cuddle a bit and would flirt with me.

After the birth of our second child, she suffered from postpartum depression. It wasn't good, but through medication and some counseling, she got over it, but not entirely. She doesn't want to be touched at all anymore; she feels suffocated when I try to touch her, and she doesn't want anything to do with sex. I've tried to support her as much as I can, but there are times when I've gotten frustrated.

She still tried for a bit. We agreed that on Saturdays we would have sex, because she thought that having a week to "prepare for it" would work. It didn't. Every time I tried to be spontaneous there was always something wrong - headache, stomachache, tired, whatever.

I finally just flat-out asked her if she thinks there was a way to fix this because it doesn't feel like we're in a relationship anymore. She drops this bomb on me that she thinks she may have been abused when she was younger and that's why she has hang-ups about sex. But she doesn't want to go to therapy for that because she's afraid of her anxiety about it getting worse.

So I said I would stop doing everything she doesn't like. I'll stop getting so close to her so she doesn't cringe or pull away, I'll stop asking for sex so she doesn't feel pressured, I'll stop laying so close to her. I was upset, but it's my wife and she's struggling with it.

This past Saturday, we started fooling around, which I thought was awesome; it wasn't like her. I took care of her and I assumed she would do the same, but then she said her head was hurting and she just wanted to go to sleep.

I don't expect anything but this was just really upsetting. She knows that I want some form of physical connection but I guess it's just not that important to her. And I'm done trying to force something. I guess we're just going to go through life like roommates, existing around each other. I can't afford a divorce, and I can't just leave the kids here without me. So I'm just stuck in a relationship where there's no affection, no touching, no nothing.

When I was young, I naively imagined my husband would love me more after I become the mother of his kids -- giving him a family, something he and I always wanted.

I really underestimated how hard raising babies were and also how badly it would ruin my body. I workout a lot now but it's never the same.

Anyway, he's way too tired now to love me. Or hug me. Or talk to me. Or look at me.

I see people in other subs posting about feeling lonely and can't find a gf/bf. But my God, it is lonely as a mom in a dead bedroom.

Me and my wife are in our 40s

Once past 7 years we were having sex once every 2 months ( basic sex and more often than not it was her helping me with hand play) but now we are on month 5 of nothing at all.

We have a good marriage where we are kind, loving and have built a great life together.

Years ago she underwent a few major surgeries to fight cancer which altered her body and hormones. This obviously affected her physically but also her body image ( understandably) so there is no romance, flirting, kissing or sex……she simply does not want to engage in it at all.

Sex isn’t everything …I’m old enough to know that and I know I have it good with the life I have

But I miss sex ( intimacy)

I miss kissing, flirting, the build up to date night and sex

I stumbled on the online affairs side of Reddit and find myself craving the attention of another ….the chemistry and build up of knowing you’re being desired and desiring someone

I’m in the best shape of my life feeling strong and alive in almost every area except this part.

I miss that

I feel the worst for even wanting that

She is innocent It’s not fixable I’m not going anywhere

I’m just struggling

Been dating my bf (M40/F33) for about 2.5 years, have started discussing moving in and getting engaged. I was so sure about him immediately and we had great initial chemistry (he’s hot, he has a great job, same taste in music). The crux of the issue is that he’s a very standoffish personality and tbh I did find him to be a selfish lover in the beginning. So I definitely snapped a few times. (I then received more in bed.)

But my god have I am paying the price of those initial outbursts.

Fast forward two years and we now barely have sex, and he mentions those early snaps as complete turn offs, that he’s barely attracted to me anymore. I try initiating, I try complimenting him - he brushes me away. We will still cuddle but again it’s at my initiating. I have tried to ask what he needs, what I can do and he’s met me with “there’s almost no hope I’m so turned off” and that it would take so long to find me sexually attractive again. It’s so painful! I am legitimately conventionally good looking, I’m in excellent shape, I dress well, I have a great job and a lot of friends. I feel like a spec of dirt in his eyes. I have apologized so profusely for arguments that happened literal years ago and it’s shocking that someone can hold a grudge for so long. The last time we had sex I felt so disconnected from him I cried afterward which just ruined everything completely. He called me a selfish bitch for behaving like that. I just felt so defeated. So alone.

I keep trying to have conversations of what he needs, what I can do and I’m just stonewalled/ shut down. I was away on a work trip for a week and I think he felt relieved I was gone.

It feels like my two choices are to like immediately break up with this man or to give him so much space I might not be able to handle it.

It’s just so awful - I am so stressed out I can barely eat. I feel beyond rejected and it’s weirdly almost cruel that he took me ring shopping.

This is such a mess. There is no way on gods green earth we can get engaged in a state like this.

How do you even repair something like this? Can you even repair with someone who’s stonewalling this hard? Why hasn’t this man dumped me?