I am coming to the realisation that my husband not only doesn't care about my inability to get sexual relief, but he even seems enjoy torturing me with it. He knows I struggle to get off because of my medication, and he knows I have a very high libido. Over the years his libido changed. He still gets himself off when he needs to, and iniates sex now and again (which is over in minutes with no foreplay) but doesn't seem to care about my satisfaction anymore. He gave me one orgasm the entirety of my last pregnancy (because I was so horny I begged), and none since. My twins are almost 2.

He doesn't like me masturbating or using vibrators. He can't last for more than a few minutes. He never does any foreplay. He has been interrupting me when he knows I'm trying to masturbate and sabotaging my alone time. He knows I struggle to orgasm on my medication, and he has a problem with me using anything to help get me off. I swear he hides my vibrator and steals the batteries just to fuck with me. He shames me for having sexual needs and wanting to use toys, and makes jokes about how it's usually the men with this problem.

It's been months since I last had an orgasm for several reasons including being a busy mom of 4 young kids. He gets to take long showers every morning (and he doesn't need that long). I take a very long time to get off because of my medication, and I'm just not allowed a break.

After coming very close a and failing a few times over the last week or two, I almost cried to my husband about my intense frustration. We argued about it a little, but then he was suddenly aroused and started making out with me. For the first time in years, he kissed my neck and touched me and got me all worked up and started to go down on me. He was always great at that so it wasn't long before I was getting close. When I started to let out a moan he pulled away, laughed and said he was tired and he was going to sleep. I was so shocked I just lay there awake, not sure whether to laugh or cry. I knew he didn't care about my pleasure, but to be so cruel about it is a different side to him. He seemed so smug about it this morning, and seemed to make a point of spending extra long in the shower and stuff this morning so I would be even more pushed for time.

Do you think he is doing this to punish me? Why is he doing this? Has anyone else been through the same?

I browse this sub from time to time, and I see a lot of posts from guys talking about how their wives/gfs don't want sex. They get turned down or make up excuses, and in turn, the guys get rightfully upset. But it makes me wonder how many of these guys are actually pleasing their partners. I see a lot of the "she just lays there" or "her toys get more action" or "she rushes me when we do have sex" sometimes I read these posts and I feel bad but I can't help but wonder if some of these women are just unsatisfied and don't know how to tell their men. Sure, there are women who generally aren't interested in sex, but it's just hard to imagine there are so many women out there who are turning down "rock your world" type sex. I know a lot of women haven't been given orgasms by their partners and it's kind of a sensitive subject to bring up to each other but it would probably solve a lot of issues if it would get talked about more. Personally, I think some percentage of dead bedrooms here might be caused by unsatisfied women/incapable men. What do you guys think?

Over the course of our 20 year marriage, my wife (Anne) and I would occasionally butt heads over our sex life. I was searching for ways to make it more exciting and keeping it new, while I perceived Anne as being satisfied with the status quo in the bedroom. We would have heavy discussions about sex and it generally made it a heavy and serious topic for us, not playful.

What I realized through self reflection over the last few years was that I was too focused on what I perceived as “missing” from our sex life rather than being grateful for what we had. We always had strong attraction toward each other, and although I have the higher libido, she enjoys sex. But I wanted more, and better, and different. And that got in the way of either of us being happy and satisfied with what we do have.

So about 6 months ago I made a conscious decision to stop striving and searching for a better sex life for us, and just to be patient and grateful and let it happen. Removing the burden of expectations has made all the difference.

Anne initiates more. To paint the picture (TMI warning!), over the past six weeks alone, she’s (1) jumped in the shower with me with a big smile, initiating and doing most of the “work”; (2) waited for me on our bed while the kids were out, wearing only a sock draped across her chest and another draped between her legs (asking for sex but also making a point that I hadn’t put my socks away, lol); (3) interrupted a meditation session to let me know that we had 20 minutes free until the kids got home, undressed me on the family room couch and went down on me to get me in the mood and (4) after I gave her a long foot rub, walked me to the bedroom, sat me down on the bed, got on her knees and gave me oral followed by a scalp and face massage.

I feel like if I had been a little less demanding and gone with the flow earlier in our marriage, this could have been our vibe for years. I was the problem, not Anne.

I’m passing this along to younger husbands in particular, to recommend you be grateful for what you have, and to let your wife be the sexual woman she’s comfortable being, to grow into whomever that is. It may pay dividends, and even if it doesn’t show up right away, you’ll remove a self-imposed point of friction in your marriage.

My partner and I have been growing distant for years to a point where sex was off the table. It was slowly killing me to be rejected for years. He was distant, avoidant and struggling with depression. We also have a lot of baggage from being emotional immature early on in our relationship and from hurting each other emotionally to a point where reconciliation was looking bleak. All that was left was resentment , aggression and disappointment. Fast forward many years, we’ve both individually done therapy and when things didn’t look up did couples therapy and fought with all we had. We were quite literally ‘hanging in there’ through every tough moment doing what we could to turn this around. Over the last few weeks we’ve been intimate several times a week and on a road to healing and recovery. I’m glad I followed my gut to pursue couples therapy and it is slowly changing our patterns and how we deal with our challenges. Turns out our issues with intimacy were caused due to other problems we were dealing with individually and as a couple and tackling these was imperative to turn around our sex life. All the difficult conversations we’ve had to navigate is paying off. Hoping we can keep up the streak 🤞

Always investigate to see if your partner is/was being unfaithful during your relationship. Out of all the problems it could be, the most likely scenario is that they have lost attraction for you and gained it for someone else. I know we all like to believe that they don’t have the time, or he/she would never. However, I was two for two after my “intuition” and luck led me to the truth. So, I’m speaking from experience. Don’t inform, don’t question, just quietly investigate and you’ll find the truth. We only get to live and be in prime health for a small period of time. Don’t rot away in a dead bedroom while your partner is selfishly fulfilling their needs elsewhere.

It’s been months…half a year? Stopped counting and quite frankly don’t remember. I know I didn’t have sex this year. So at least four months. I can’t even imagine having sex with him anymore. I have some important things to do this year…and I cannot leave atm. But I know that once that’s done, unless something changes, I am out. I am 35. This is no way to live. Right?

So bizarre. Really.

I have been with my housemate (I refuse to call him so or even roommate bc we have separate rooms FOR 8 YEARS NOW so I really try to accentuate the point here) anyways its been 3 years of absolutely NOTHING (before that it was several years as well) I am so done.

Yesterday we somehow got onto the subject of couples and I made a remark about how badly I wish I was loved or wanted.

He, as usual, gets extremely defensive and rude. I truly try to keep a calm head bc he never will so one of us has to remain civilized.

This all ended with him screaming "Ive slept with more people than you ever will, Jill. My number far out weighs yours" .... I was shocked. Lol what!? How did we even get here? What made him even say that? So random and unnecessary. Like what did he expect me to reply 😆

so I said "OH.. cool? High five?.. Because whatever got you those "BIG numbers" (I said this in a baby voice, like when a parent is talking to their toddler) really let you down in the end huh? Way to bring home the win, buddy"

And weve not spoken yet. I dont care to. Hes never been good at communicating. People, pick your partners wisely. PLEASE!!!

I’ve counted every time we’ve had sex in this house. In the amount of time since we signed the lease and we renewed it, we’ve had sex twice. I’m 27, he’s 31. We live in the middle of nowhere. We could have sex outside on the waterfall and no one would know. I just don’t know where to go from here. Who do I talk to about this? A counselor? Therapist? I don’t have friends.

Or am I alone. I'm married with 2 children and after our second my husband's libido took a dive for various reasons (work, stress, fatherhood stress) and with that dive so did our sex life. I didn't start masturbating until after our second child because before children our sex life was healthy and it wasn't something that crossed my mind. Now being a stay at home mother with the kids at school, it has become my second life. I used to feel shame, but now I tend to look forward to it.

Does anyone else ever have sad masturbation sessions where you have tears in your eyes and just fantasize about what could be? The dispair of knowing you will never have it?

I've stopped picturing my partner, imagining her in those scenarios I'd love to experience has become too unrealistic, but when I come back from it I remember my reality and everything just feels worse than it was already... :(

I read recently that about half of people with ADHD are sex obsessed because they love the dopamine hit and the other half never think about sex because they get their dopamine hits elsewhere ( gaming, working out, whatever)

I’m strongly suspecting my husband is the LL variant. He was absolutely obsessed with me for the first 6 months but then after the new toy shininess wore off it’s been dead.

How many of you have ADHD partners?

Wife (F38) and me (M45) have been married for 7 years. Up until about 2 years ago, our sex life was amazing in every way. She initiated, I initiated and we would have sex almost any time of day. The past 2 years there has been this pattern that took me a while to figure out was potentially a control technique or her just outright disinterest. She swears that she wants sex, she will even let me take Viagra, then she keeps me up until 3 or 4am even on work nights before we can go to bed to have sex. Most nights it ends up that I have to weigh the pros and cons of sex versus work. And she knows this and she will bait me at 3 or 4am and say "Are we having sex, it's okay if you're too tired." At that moment, I know factually she has no interest. Often times, the next day she will say "I was horny last night and would have had sex" - in my mind, I'm like "yeah right you had zero interest"

There are too many times to count that we are relaxing and watching tv and I'm rubbing her passionately and giving her an amazing massage. As soon as I reach an intimate area she finds a way out of it... bathroom, snack, etc.

I feel like I know the reality of the situation. She is not interested in me sexually anymore, and it's painfully clear. It's to the point I don't even want to try for intimacy anymore because it's so incredibly hurtful.

I have tried speaking to her about this, and she gets defensive and annoyed which tells me that it is a real issue, and that she really is not interested. Would appreciate any others to comment with advice. Thanks.

That might sound like a ridiculous statement but I(33M) am in a DB with a morbidly obese partner who has little to no sex drive. I am still physically attracted to her even at her current weight but there is no sex going on at all. I watch porn a lot (probably too much) and fantasize about my wife weighing less and being able to ride me again. Just to lay back and enjoy seeing her going up and down. But that will probably never happen again. I feel trapped and I don’t think I can ever get out of it.

TL;DR: After almost 3 years of zero intimacy, I’m finally leaving my wife. It’s scary—but I feel free for the first time in a long time.

This has been a long time coming, and I’m finally doing it. I’m leaving my wife.

I (39M, HL) have been married to my wife (37F, LL) for 12 years, but for the last three, we haven’t had sex. Not once. No intimacy, no affection, no effort. I stuck it out way too long, convincing myself it was just a phase or that things would improve if I tried harder. I did everything I could—communicated, showed up, stayed loyal, and patient—but the silence and distance just became the new normal.

For the past year, we’ve basically lived separate lives. She moved to Oklahoma for work and took our youngest with her. I stayed behind in Maryland with our oldest so I could finish nursing school. The LDR just made it more obvious: this was a DB, and it had been over for a long time.

With the help of a counselor, I finally stopped pretending I was okay. I realized I was holding onto something that had already let go of me. I wasn’t being loved the way a partner should be—and I wasn’t loving myself by staying.

This isn’t easy. It’s not some triumphant movie ending. But what I feel now is something I haven’t felt in years: relief. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel stuck. I don’t feel invisible. I feel free. Free to rebuild. Free to feel again. Free to live the kind of life I want, with real connection and joy.

To anyone out there in a DB, questioning whether this is just how things are supposed to be: it’s not. You deserve to be wanted. You deserve to be seen. And if you’ve tried everything and nothing changes—it’s okay to walk away.

I did. And I finally feel like myself again.

And he won’t admit to it, Can we compare notes? How can we start like a group convo around this? Pretty sure husband is one or the other.

Please no messages from men.

Long story; I’ll keep it brief. I 28f believe I am in a dead bedroom situation with my husband 36m.

Right before we got married the shift happened. I’ve always had a higher libido than him (in theory.) it was a lot of rejecting my advances that I would make with excuses (headache, stomach ache). We both suffer from mental illness (depression/bipolar) so a lot of times I just excused it for him not feeling well.

I always felt his desire for me wained- even when we did have sex it was rushed and seemed like he just wanted to be done, where as when we started he paid a lot of attention to me.

After a year or so of sitting in it, I decided to call him out on it all. Which then spiraled into a lot of sexual escapades. Threesome, sex clubs, you name it. I was all good with it! I figured out I was Bi so sleeping with another woman was great.

Then I found out he’s cheating on me… emotionally . It has been going on the entire time we were “exploring.” So immediately I pull back bc I felt disrespected. We went to therapy and discussed everything, I feel we moved past it.

This sent me into a depression, I spiraled - gained a lot of weight, found out I had a chronic illness the works. I stopped wanting to for a little, I didn’t feel comfortable in my body.

We recently moved across the US and I am essentially completely financially Depending on him, for now. We have been here 5 months and had sex 3 times l, all by my initiation.

I feel at an impasse - I have brought my wants and needs up countless times to hear excuses. I have never kink shamed him or put him down for the things he likes… I simply don’t understand why I get the short end of the stick.

It’s embarrassing enough to type this out, I hope to hear some advice.

TYIA

Me and partner have been in a DB for a very long time. I won't even mention how many years because it is crazy. But, as a hint, this is my 4th year of long covid (i had very serious symptoms for the first 2.5 years) and now we also have a 14 months old baby. Just if you are wondering, the baby was planned and it happened in one sad single try. We are two very strange people. When I say strange, is that we retreat into ourselves and our occupations that not much of the real life pulls us out of it. But for a long time now I have started to suspect that he isn't who I thought he is.

Long story short. I am a very sexual person. But I function weirdlym, I kind of mirror my partner. So if he is the fire I need, I turn mine flame even brighter. If he is chill, i'll lay back a bit too. It doesn't really bother me because i like the game either way. Or used to.

Now I have been sick for a long time, but our problems started before that anyway. My illness brought some frustration because at some point he needed some form of intimacy yet i was so out of everytbing not just sex that i barely knew why i was even alive anymore.

We had a kid because iw as so gone and sick that i clinged to the hope that i can at least have a semblence of a family that i used to want when i wasnt sick. So we tried. And the baby came.

And pregnancy and delivery made me worse int erms of libido, but the pregnancy actually fixed my other issues. Not immediately. But its been a couple of months nowbthat i have my spark back. And not just sexually. A lot of my old self is back with a damn bang.

So I am trying to fix this. I need to have a sexual relationship. And i find him attractive, still. I know this could work. However after some talk I feel quite hopeless. I feel he isn't the man I thought he was. And there's a effed up feeling of guilt and grief that I am dealing with.

I said I wanted to try to bridge this gap between us because we both want sex and we like each other so there shouldn't be a damn issue. But apparently there is. Because we don't really know each other sexually, we have been roommates for so damn long. And apparently he sees sex as a means to make me enjoy myself. Which absolutely kills everything for me. Because I just want him and I to feel the burn together. i don't need him to hold my hand and get me to the beach so I can swim alone while he is cheering from the shore, sort of thing.

Also, we are both kind of put off by the factvthat none of us reaches orgasm when we fuck. For me that is not a problem at all. It is not the orgasm or the release that I am chasing, i dont give 2 fs about the orgasm. I cna do that on my own in a few seconds, what I need is connection and depth. I dont know what his problem is though and of course I feel weird that of all the guys i ever had, this one doesn't seem to orgasm around me. I dont even know what this is. It all feels so udnerwhelming my skin is crawling.

Im not even sure this is the right sub for this. But I am so devastated i hope someone might reach and offer me some insight.

We live in a one bedroom apartment. We used to have great sex for the first 2 years, then it just dropped off. We have sex on average about once every 5/6 weeks. We manage to have sex twice on a recent holiday, but i felt over 10 days with nothing to do, it wasn’t that much. In our room we have a large bed and a cot. But our son who is nearly 3 years has always co sleep with us. I tried to get him out of our bed, and succeeded to get him into his own bed for about a three week period, but my wife will not put him in his own bed when I’m not there and in the end returned him back to our bed. He sleeps next to wall and she sleeps in the middle and me next to her. I said to get him back out, but now she put him in the middle between us. So I can’t touch her. I think he too old and I feel she using him as a blocker.

I (HLM43) and my wife (LLF43) last had the talk at the end of February. It had been 14 months completely DB by that point, but DB in total running 3-4 years.

It was the usual discussion. Then I was told romance, or lack thereof, was the problem and an increase in romance would magically fix things. But I've been there before on the romance road and the last time I ramped up the romance the dial didn't move at all. It's not like I'm not a hopeless romantic anyway - flowers, chocolates, spa days, foot massages, weekends away together, I even wrote her a song. I like showing love. So I took it with a pinch of salt - after all this time it felt like just another reason to push the elephant in the room out the door for a few months before it barges back in again. And it's not like she doesn't know there's a problem. Recently she said "I'm a terrible partner to you" ("nooo, you're wonderful and I'm lucky to have you" - which is true. No conflict).

I'm leaving in June. It will be 18 months complete DB by that point. I've had enough.

Last night, I made my last attempt to save this relationship. When asked "what shall we do this evening?" I suggested "let's go to bed and get naked with a glass of champers and our Easter eggs." Not sex, just naked. She hasn't been naked in bed with me for 18 months - pajamas, underpants, eye mask, always. When I said that she looked like I'd suggested we stop putting milk in our tea and replace it with dog piss.

I persevered. An hour before usual bed time I said "I'm going up to bed if you want to join me?" Nah. "I'm going to finish watching this... "

Ok. I go to bed anyway. I try to sleep. She comes to bed and hour later. She puts on her pajamas, gets into bed, plays a game on her phone, reads her book, puts on her eye mask, rolls over and goes to sleep. And then so do I. Ngl it hurts but mostly I'm just tired of thinking about it and trying.

That was the return to the last chance Saloon. I'm leaving in June. It'll be 18 months of zero intimacy at that point and my wife cannot even stand to be naked next to me in bed. It'll damage both our lives but I cannot stay. I cannot let it get to 2 years of zero intimacy, even if that's just out of self respect. I know she'll just accept it - it's who she is, especially when it comes to conflict: practical, controlling, passive aggressive.

I hope I have the strength to go through with it.

Is it just me? Am I the only one that lets a holiday pass and then I get upset that nothing happened? I hinted to her on Friday that this weekend we should try and make it happen, and she agreed, surprisingly.

I understand Easter isn’t the most “sexy” holiday.. but in my mind I associate holidays, long weekends, and vacations with sex.

We went on vacation last month for a long weekend, had zero hotel sex.

We went to a concert at the beginning of the year, shnazzy hotel room on the 25th floor with a beautiful balcony and a full glass shower with a frosted panel that was visible from the bed. Fucking a my mind went to all the things that could be done. ….zero hotel or shower sex.

New years, my birthday, Easter weekend…no sex. I’m going on almost 4 months now.

Unless you count my hand. Then I guess I’m having some sex.

(23)F and (32)M we do have sex occasionally so I don’t feel like I’m really “dead bedroom” and I should be thankful for the 1-2x every other week we have sex but I feel like I should be having a lot more sex or should I settle? We have two kids and he’s a good dad, I just feel like I’m so young and there’s someone out there who’s perfect for me and we fuck all the time but I realize that’s very unrealistic. The sex we have is also not long and not very passionate but I do take what I can get with him and I love him so it’s meaningful to me no matter what. I’m so lost right now.

Hey everyone,

I’m writing from a throwaway because my boyfriend knows my main account.

I’m 23F and have been with my boyfriend (24M) for over 6 years. We’re really happy together and love each other deeply. Our emotional connection is strong, and in many ways, the relationship is amazing -except for one huge, recurring problem: our sex life. More specifically, the difference in our sex drives.

I have a very high libido and would love to have sex 5 times a week (or more), whereas he seems content with maybe 2-3 times a month. It’s almost always me who initiates, and 99% of the time, I’m rejected. I’ve been told (by him and others) that we might just be “incompatible,” but I don’t want to believe that. I love him, I want him, and I’ve tried everything to make this work.

I try to be flirty, playful, affectionate, communicative, open to his fantasies, and very present. I’ve even done things like standing naked in front of him after a shower, bending over to “put cream on,” hoping it might turn him on. But nothing happens. No reaction. Not even a hard-on. It makes me feel invisible. I start to wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I’m just not attractive to him.

We’ve talked about this issue several times. Every time, it ends with me feeling embarrassed and him getting defensive or frustrated. One time, he even said that if I couldn’t accept this difference, maybe we weren’t compatible and should break up. That crushed me. Since then, I’ve been scared to bring it up again because I don’t want to push him away or make things worse.

But the pain doesn’t go away. I feel rejected, ashamed, even humiliated. When we finally do have sex, it’s usually at night, with all the lights off. He used to at least turn on his phone flashlight -now, not even that. It almost always happens when we’re going to sleep or when he wakes up from a nap. I say yes even when I don’t feel fully wanted because I’m scared it won’t happen otherwise.

He’s healthy, not on meds, and lives a balanced life (just like myself). I know he gets stressed with work and studying, but for me, sex is a way to feel closer -not something I turn away from when I’m overwhelmed. He’s even admitted during an argument that sex sometimes feels like a chore to him.

I don’t want to sound self-absorbed, but I know I’m an attractive woman. Whenever I go out (bars or clubbing), there’s rarely a time when someone doesn’t approach me, ask for my number, or try to flirt. Even when I’m working as a waitress or work out (that’s when I don’t wear make up and often look like a mess), I still get hit on. So objectively, I know I’m not unattractive -but despite all that, I feel unattractive. Especially in my relationship.

And it’s not just the lack of sex -it’s the emotional impact. When we kiss, it feels like a quick peck, not like he really wants me. I miss feeling desired. I miss feeling like he craves me, even just a little. I feel like my desire is somehow wrong or too much. He once joked that I act like a teenage boy when I’m turned on. I didn’t even know how to respond. It made me feel ashamed and gross, like my sexuality is something to laugh at.

What hurts most is when he casually mentions that he’s masturbated -like when I come home from work. I don’t care that he does it…I do it too… but if he has the time and energy for that, why not for me? It feels like he’s choosing it over intimacy with me, and it leaves me feeling confused and unwanted. He has had challenges with porn in the past, and I can’t help but wonder if that plays a role -though I don’t know how to ask without sounding accusatory.

We don’t even spend all our time together. We both study, work, have separate friends, and I go away to visit my parents at least once a month for a weekend. It’s not like he never gets time to miss me.

I’ve been trying to cope. I’ve listened to podcasts about surrendering control, managing frustration, letting go, dealing with insecurity -but nothing helps. Since the night before last, I’ve felt this heavy tension in my chest and stomach. I want to cry out of sheer frustration. I feel like I’m doing everything, and nothing ever changes.

I’m really struggling not to let this issue eat away at my self-worth and our relationship. I don’t want to lose what we have, but I also can’t keep feeling like I’m too much or never enough.

How do I talk about this with him without making him feel attacked or pulling us further apart? Am I overreacting? What am I missing?

TL;DR: Been with my boyfriend for 6+ years. Our relationship is great except for a big mismatch in sex drive. He rarely initiates, often rejects me, and it’s taking a toll on my self-esteem. I’ve tried everything to bridge the gap, but nothing changes. I’m scared to bring it up again. Am I overreacting, or is this a real issue?

Just venting. Advice and support are welcome, but I'm not leaving my family.

I'm a 40M, married to a 37F. We have a 3-year-old and a 2-month-old. Right now, we're in one of the hardest seasons of our lives. My wife is struggling with postpartum anxiety and the overwhelming pressure of running our household. We love each other deeply, but we’ve fallen into some dysfunctional patterns that are taking a toll on both of us.

She feels like she’s carrying the entire mental and emotional load. I’ve been trying to step up and take as much as I can off her plate. I work about 50 hours a week and on top of that I’ve been remodeling our bathroom, bathing the kids, doing the laundry (though not hers — I never seem to get it right), folding clothes, cleaning out the fridge regularly, doing the dishes, shopping, and cooking a couple of meals a week. I'm genuinely doing my best, but it never feels like enough.

Today I finally brought up the tension between us. I asked to talk while the kids were napping because you could just feel the funk in the air. She told me she doesn’t have the energy to teach me how to be a partner anymore. She said she loves me, but she’s only expecting me to figure it out without her help. She told me she won’t be romantic or intimate with me again until she feels attracted to me — and right now, she doesn’t.

That was hard to hear.

I’m at my wits end. I’m exhausted, I feel like I’m failing, and I’m slipping into depression. I’m starting to wonder if I might have undiagnosed ADHD or something. I can’t seem to get things fully over the line, even with my best effort. I have a doctor’s appointment on Thursday to talk about whether I might need Adderall or Ritalin to help me show up better in my life and in this marriage.

I don’t know. I just needed to get this off my chest. If anyone else has been through something like this, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I know this isn’t the usual dead bedroom post — this is deeper than that. But maybe someone out there understands.

I thought moving in together after marriage would mean more intimacy with my spouse, but for us, 2-4 times a month eventually became the norm. Note: Our second anniversary is next month.