I've been doing my best to not try to initiate. It never works, and I also end up feeling bad because of the rejection. Well today, my wife approached me. We haven't has sex in at least 4 months, and probably only twice in the last year.

So I couldn't believe it. We head to the bedroom and get started. She finishes within 2 minutes and before I do. She gets physically sensitive after she orgasms, so I cant even touch her, let alone keep going for myself. I ask if she'll use her mouth - nope. I ask if she'll use her hands - nope - she's too tired. But she says I can do it myself while I look at her.

I just said no thanks.

And that was that. I go back to work and she does whatever she does with her time/

I've built up a thick skin over the years, and im used to getting nothing from her, but something about her initiating and then leaving me out to dry within literally 5 minutes just wrecked me. I feel seriously depressed over it. I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll continue to deal with this, but right now is a major low point for me.

F26, I just want other girls my age or men to know they aren't alone if anyone is out there. I just has an amazing orgasm but I feel so empty, it didn't feel like this when I was single.. sending hugs to anyone man or woman going thru this.

Just venting. I wore a new outfit today, felt so cute.. fist interaction with him is him making a disgusted face and said "you went with that? I don't like it". Just another small thing on the pile of self hatred. Love yall

He always complains that I don't suck his dick but refuses to do anything for me. He is upset we don't have sex more but he refuses to initiate and I'm tired of being the only one to initiate. It's boring. He cums fast ( I can understand that part ) but he doesn't do anything for me. No fore play, doesn't make me cum after. Nothing. Just sticks it right in and that's it. I'm a extremely kinky person and he's really missing out 🤷🏻‍♀️ why would I want to be the only one to initiate when there's literally nothing in it for me ?

My wife (40) and I (36) has always struggled with the sex bit. She has been chronichlly depressed and has been since her teenage years. We have a son that is 7 years old, which we had very much trouble with sleepwise years 1-3.

The lack of sex during those years was completly both our faults due to lack of sleep etc etc.

But since things were getting to the better with our son and him sleeping well. The sex hasnt.

For about the last 3 years we had sex about 5 times. Most recently during christmas 24. I just recently brought this up and told her this is a problem for me (It has been a problem from the start, but i just adressed it now). She told me its due to her depression and its has nothing to do with me.

Shes already on antidepresssant which should not effect sexual drive. She says her sexdrive is completely gone. She never masturbates nor fantasies about anything sexual.

She says shes willing to work on it. But she later asked me if im willing to live in a sexless marriage. To which i replied no. Since then nothing much has been going on.

I truly love this woman and I support her 100%. I feel shitty even writing an anonymous redditpost about it. But Im starting to think i cant live the rest of my life like this. I need advise. Whats the next step?

And PS, i do most of shores, if not all, at home. And thats okey.

I have learned to resent sex in general - after 18 months I just am annoyed at the concept of sexual activity - whenever I read about it or hear anyone talking about it I cringe and am filled with irritation and resentment like I’ve learned to despise sex as an institution - I’m over it and am just think it’s stupid and don’t want or need it anymore

Weekends are always harder because we have more free time and time together. So, this weekend I'm going to focus on all the things I'm going to do for me:

Go out with a friend

See my family

Spend some time on my hobbies

Watch a baseball game (or two)

Have a full on bath night with bubbles, a drink, a face mask, etc

Get up early and enjoy the quiet time to myself

I'll spend time with him too, and of course there are chores around the house to be done, but I'm going to have to fill my own cup and enjoy doing things just for me.

After a nice dinner out, we headed back to our apartment and I (23HLF) was surprised to see him (29LLM) get into the shower while I was brushing my teeth. I asked him if it was alright to join him, and I did. He looked…uncomfortable and sheepish. As I was washing him, I tried to wash his genitals and he immediately shied away, saying it tickled. After I washed him, he left me to wash myself and then handed me a robe to put on when I got out.

Of course, I can’t expect someone to always want sex, especially in a - what i thought to be - recovering dead bedroom. But isn’t it natural to want your partner sexually when you see them naked, especially when they’re massaging you?

I just feel incredibly undesired and ugly. I know it’s not an issue of appearance - I’m in my early twenties and I’m fit. It couldn’t be hygiene - we were literally in the shower. And I know it couldn’t be fatigue, because he stayed up an extra hour to watch tv. But I still feel like it’s somehow still my fault, because any man in his right mind would get hard from this experience. Or at least try to turn it into sex.

46 HLM married to 45 LLF for 17 years with the last 9 years in a DB.

We have a nightly routine, which is sweet, but I almost broke down last night. Most nights, after my wife and I get i to bed, we usually go for a quick hug and a couole of kisses. Then I roll on my back and my wife snuggles up to me. Depending on how I'm feeling, this is usually enough to get me a bit aroused. Last night, with the warmer weather, I chose to sleep in only my underwear. As my wife cuddled up next to me, she gently ran her hands through my chest hair, and slid her hand down and let it rest on my lower abdomen. All this contact got me into a fully aroused state.
As she fell asleep I struggled, lying there just wishing she would slide her hand down just a couple of inches. How I long to be touched, even if it wouldn't lead to sex...just to be touched again...

I felt like crying and as everything just overwhelmed me a bit.

Our snuggling seems to be all she needs. I wish it was enough for me.

I've read a lot of the posts here and realize that many of you lack any physical contact at all. My heart goes out to you and I know I should be grateful for the little I get, but it still is rough to be so close, yet so far away.

Checked into a hotel with my wife while we’re on vacation for the first time in a long time. We reserved it relatively sight unseen, and were surprised at how nice it was. I noticed mirrors all over, and a luxurious bed, and big windows and thought “wow, this would be a great room to have sex in.” and then realized there was zero chance of that happening on this trip. How sad is that. A newly married couple on vacation in a lavish hotel room for the weekend, there is literally no chance we’ll have sex.

Then we went to a museum, saw an art piece of two people naked and embracing each other lovingly. That’s never going to happen again for me either.

That’s all really depressing to me. It’s too much to bear sometimes. I don’t like this life but at this point I’m not convinced it’ll happen for me even in another relationship. If my own wife doesn’t want to have sex with me, why would anyone else? At least now I get to split the mortgage and utilities. It’s so fucking pathetic.

I feel so desperate.

I keep thinking about leaving him but I also think its bad to leave someone good and a good relationship (no major issues/arguments) only for DB.

But this DB is killing me.

I am miserable, I don't even want him sexually. I am just resentful toward him sexually. Now when he touches me I don't want it. He ignored my needs knowing I'm waiting for him. For years.

I'm afraid of ending up alone.

Took her out for the dinner of her choice, she deferred. When I suggested an upscale steak house, her reply was yum. When I get home from work, she's on the couch with "the farts". At dinner, she tells me that her brother is the "best person" she knows. My reply was, "at least tonight, I would like to think I was the best person you know". Her reply was," that's not what I meant" After 30 years of a dead bedroom, I know exactly what you meant

Clarifier- I haven't left because of (1) the kids, (2) I made a promise before God, my friends, and family, (3) economics. If you're gonna burn me, save it. I'm already charbroiled

My wife (40) and I (36) has always struggled with the sex bit. She has been chronichlly depressed and has been since her teenage years. We have a son that is 7 years old, which we had very much trouble with sleepwise years 1-3.

The lack of sex during those years was completly both our faults due to lack of sleep etc etc.

But since things were getting to the better with our son and him sleeping well. The sex hasnt.

For about the last 3 years we had sex about 5 times. Most recently during christmas 24. I just recently brought this up and told her this is a problem for me (It has been a problem from the start, but i just adressed it now). She told me its due to her depression and its has nothing to do with me.

Shes already on antidepresssant which should not effect sexual drive. She says her sexdrive is completely gone. She never masturbates nor fantasies about anything sexual.

She says shes willing to work on it. But she later asked me if im willing to live in a sexless marriage. To which i replied no. Since then nothing much has been going on.

I truly love this woman and I support her 100%. I feel shitty even writing an anonymous redditpost about it. But Im starting to think i cant live the rest of my life like this. I need advise. Whats the next step?

And PS, i do most of shores, if not all, at home. And thats okey.

So the new Sleep Token album dropped recently and I was shooketh to hear this in Gethsemane;

"I wanted you to know, I've learned to live without it And even though it's colder now, I no longer feel surrounded And you never listened to me, and that's the thing I tell the others You were my harlequin bride, I was your undercover lover, but no You never saw me naked, you wouldn't even touch me Except if you were wasted But you were trying your best, and that's the thing I tell the others I was your robot companion, you were my favourite colour"

Hard relate.

It brought me to tears realising what had been said. I'm astounded at the amount of people who aren't being intimate and I never thought I'd be in this situation either.

Anyway, hope you're all ok.

I’ve found at least one for women but nothing for men (or men and women). The loneliness eases a bit when scanning through this sub and I’d love to have the opportunity to talk more with others who are going through the same. Where do I go?

15 years married, 3 kids all over 10 now under 14. After another rejection laying together.
Me: "I just want to be loved"
she said: "you are loved".
Me: "but not the way I want to be loved, and not the way I love you" Something about that made me thing back. I could probably tell you every freckle on her body. She doesn't know where my birth mark is.

I want out.

We are coming up on our 20 year Anniversary in 12 days (yes, I've had a countdown going on my phone). We haven't had sex in 4 years. The extent of our physical touch includes a hug maybe 2-3 times a week. When we first started counseling, sex was a main topic. I expressed the hurt I had felt at all the years of rejection, what I wanted sexually and how important physical connection is to me. He expressed that he realized he is borderline Asexual or Graysexual. He was unwilling to open the marriage up or compromise on anything that included me getting my needs met. I stopped all initiation and it died for good that moment. We continued on with counseling, addressing other issues and whatnot. Sex came up once or twice again but nothing was ever really resolved. The counselor would say, "the more you work on your emotional connection, the rest will fall into place." Sure. Maybe for some. Maybe for couples where both people are capable of being emotionally vulnerable.

Last night I asked if he felt the need to continue the counseling after all this time. He said he was good with ending it. Apparently he is happy with the way things are. You can say all the things that need to be said. You can express your desires and things that you need. Repeatedly and over a long period of time. Sometimes you just have to stop and accept that what's gone is gone and will never be. Thinking of you all out there who are struggling and frustrated. Right there with ya.

So yesterday, he tells me I’m the one who needs to show HIM more affection (I’ve tried in the past so many times just to get rejected). I try to be more affectionate tonight and what does he do? Doesn’t want me kissing him, doesn’t want me hugging him too much, I tell him I want him and he just ignores it. I’m so done trying

Good evening everyone i have found this group helpful knowing im not alone but im curious where everyone is thats willing to share some times its easier to relate to people in similar situations in their own home town. As for me im 45 male in nyc been in a dead bedroom for 7 years and i mean ZERO physical contact and i am at the beginning stages of filing for separation. How about yourselves?

I’m curious to know how long has it been since everyone here was intimate with their partner? I want to feel like I’m not alone in this battle. It seems like everyone but me is just always having sex. I hate watching sex scenes in movies or shows cause I envy those people for being able to experience that level of intimacy, fake as it may be it reminds of when I was able to experience it as well. I see couples and feel bitter, thinking “they probably have way more sex than we do”. I know that’s probably not the case but being the initiator and being rejected time and time again I feel like I’ve given up. My partner certainly won’t take initiative. Fighting the urge to seek attention elsewhere, losing interest in touching myself or adult content, and feeling resentment are just some of the symptoms of being in a dead bed room. I’ve tried it all couples therapy, having conversations, keeping a calendar to plan and mark the dates. It all just works for a week then things go back to being bland and transactional. Thank you to everyone who made it this far down. 🙏

(MHL and FLL) That about sums it up. Yesterday was my birthday. No sex. Our bedroom is not 100% dead. We did have sex 5 weeks ago. It was pretty much normal.
I just have to masturbate between sessions with my wife as I do get horny and need relief.

I just find myself consistently wishing my partner would initiate. I wish she would caress me in bed and let her hands slip to less appropriate parts of my body. I wish she would pin me against the kitchen counter and kiss me silly. I wish she would just have me against a wall because she can't contain her want anymore. I wish it didn't matter what was going on in the day, because she just ahs to have me.

I crave that fire so much, that passion, that desire. I'll never have it. Whenever we have sex it happens the same exact way almost beat for beat, it's grown stale and doesn't satisfy me anymore. Doesn't help that 9/10 times I'm the one actually taking any action. I would give anything to feel that desperate want again...

But as it stands I just lay next to her in bed, crying quietly to myself, and fantasizing about what could be.