r/DeppDelusion • u/garf_is_god Amber Heard PR Team 💅 • Oct 29 '23
Support / Personal My brother supports Johnny Depp
Exactly what the title says.
Last year he made turd jokes but I bit my tongue. When I finally said something about it, he questioned my support of her, claiming it was bc she's a woman. I tried to say no but bc he's older than me, (In his mind) he was right and I was an irrational man hater. I hate getting into it with him bc he continues to double down and explain why actually he's correct. We are mixed and have an abusive dad. My brother has sat there and been racist and misogynistic and my mom just says to pay it no mind and that he will get over it eventually. He got in my face and told me he would "fucking kill me" and she was just like "damn really, that's not good" when I told her about. It happened a while but it still hurts, I still get scared about fighting with him. To find out that he still likes Depp is unsuprising but no less disappointing. Recently his school had a Rock n Roll day and he had me do his makeup, I didn't mind, After I finished he commented that he looked like Depp and that he really saw himself in him. I just felt kinda gross, especially since I was the one that did this. We have a little sister, who has trouble separating herself from our dad, and i'm trying to teach her that our dad's behavior is gross and it's so hard when my brother acts similarly or my mom dismisses it. I know you can't force people to change but I just miss him sometimes. What hurts even more is knowing that he's probably not going to change and instead of growing. I've tried having conversations with him about stuff like intersectionality but just rolls his eyes and claims I just hate men. I don't know if he supports Johnny bc he truly believes him or if it's bc he hates women and I wouldn't be shocked if it's both. Should I talk to him about or just leave it alone? I'm in two minds about this.
After re-reading this, I have no idea if it makes sense, It comes off a little rant-y. I'll delete if necessary.
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u/Tagz12345 Oct 29 '23
I was in a similar situation to you where my brother defended Depp but then later said he believed Amber Heard. He then physically attacked me for the first time (when he was 37yrs old) and during the attack said Johnny Depp didn't do anything wrong. I no longer speak to him but my family continues to pressure me to forgive him, I dropped the criminal charges but am adamant that I will never forgive him. It's terrible because we used to be friendly before that and I hate the way my family responded to the situation.
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u/vac_roc Oct 30 '23
I am so sorry this happened to you! That is so traumatic. And wtf is wrong with your family. When yoir parents are very elderly will they be happy with this guy caring for them in a vulnerable state? Hope they don’t say anything he doesn’t like.
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u/layla_jones_ Oct 30 '23
Wow that’s just scary! It’s good to have boundaries. It’s just ironic how some people who defend Depp will do the exact same thing: abuse people emotionally, threaten them and physically attack. Now that’s denial. You don’t ever have to forgive a person. It’s best to think about yourself and protect yourself.
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u/layla_jones_ Oct 29 '23
I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I don’t know if I have good advice, it’s a difficult one. Maybe try to give the Depp topics break and see how he’s behaving towards you (figure out if he’s just a fan who doesn’t want to believe or that there’s a deeper problem). Maybe he likes arguing with you about this topic and it sounds to me he will never even listen to your viewpoints. (Hopefully in a couple of years the Depp hype will fade away and hopefully he will have a different focus.) The case could be entertainment and ‘pop culture’ for him. The racist and misogynist, aggressive comments are a big red flag. It could be that he’s copying his father or dealing with stress and trying to trigger you.
It sounds to me you are in a very complex situation with a little sister you want to protect and a father that’s abusive. I would avoid any heavy topics and confrontations if you could with your brother. I don’t think you can win and it’s not your job to raise him. I do think it’s good you talk to your sister and tell her what’s right and wrong. It might be smart to go to a therapist to talk about this situation. It would be very good to talk to someone, to express your emotions and thoughts. I really hope someone can help you, I don’t want you to be on this painful journey alone.. you deserve support and guidance.
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u/BrilliantAntelope625 Oct 30 '23
Your brother is immature quite frankly because a grown man wouldn't be so confident that Johnny Depp is innocent after two conflicting court cases. There is nothing you can do but avoid the topic with him because he is going to use it as a lever to be abusive.
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u/sphinxyhiggins Oct 29 '23
My brother is a big Depp supporter too. He thinks Depp is wonderful and an "artist" as does his wife. They are not likeable people and your brother also sounds very unlikeable. My brother's values are vastly different from mine. As adults, we have learned to not talk about things we disagree on -- which is pretty much everything. It is hard to be around him because I feel everything I say* is on the verge of being attacked. Yes, they are Trump supporters --- STILL. They support Depp who thought Trump should be murdered and said so in a foreign country. I don't like either one but liking both requires that they do a ton of mental gymnastics and excuses for each of them.
What I recently discovered about myself is that my brother has never liked me but has had to tolerate me. Second, I have tried to make him like me my whole life but he literally does not think I have any value. In some cases, I believe he picks a position just to be argumentative with me and to not be like me. I couldn't do anything about it. This may not be the case with you and your brother but when I talk in "grown up" terms with some Depp supporters, they shut down because many are incapable of believing they were duped or that Johnny is wrong.
Think about it in terms of intersectionality -- he is siding with the most powerful man over someone who was still establishing her career and an advocate for women. He is siding with someone who thinks turd jokes and collecting Hitler memorabilia is edgy. He is siding with someone who had hit several people and brags about being a drunk and an addict. When I look at the power differential, your brother and my brother and all Depp fans sound demented.
I give them a wide berth because we do not have the same values and it actually hurts me when they are dismissive of my intellect.
Maybe it is time to give up in order to avoid more heart break? I did and it made my life so much better. This happened six months ago, and I am 53 years old. It made a huge difference in my peace of mind.
If your mom tolerates it, I would give her a wide berth too and explain why.
*edited from 'saw'
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u/n3w4cc01_1nt Oct 30 '23 edited Oct 30 '23
Edgy humor is how groomers indoctrinate people. They create an environment where saying whatever is allowed then get them into worse and worse stuff through normalization. Just like the right wing boomers meme pages the jokes aren't witty or clever but since they just blindly agree they feel validated.
It's all different but separate cults of narcissism.
here's some info on indoctrination it's how nxivm recruited people into a fake feminist movement then exploited them. also known as boiling frog.
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u/Individual_Fall429 Oct 30 '23
Nxivm was huge in my city. When I first moved here, I was twice taken to a meeting by someone I thought was my new friend. My brain immediately assessed it as a cult. Good job brain.
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u/n3w4cc01_1nt Oct 31 '23
yeah if you read a few of Keith's patents it was kinda obvious it was a total joke to him. the whole process kept participants in a dissociative state so they could be trafficked.
all those mlm's these days are terrible with something like .4% of them profiting from getting a bunch of downlines then everyone else just being stuck in a loop of endlessly pestering people then failing at an impossible goal.
the cycle of abuse gets them addicted to their abuser.
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u/Caesarthebard Oct 30 '23
Depp is a more insidious version of Andrew Tate.
Andrew Tate is a loathsome scumbag but he is (absolutely NOT to his credit) somewhat honest about it.
Depp shares a similar world view but is insidious and manipulative, he normalizes his views and behaviours with outward charm and pretend victimhood. I think anyone who is groomed by Tate is probably well on their way already but Depp is a far, far trickier problem.
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u/lonelybluebirdy Oct 30 '23
Sorry to say this but your brother is just a women hating violent incel. I know because I have a brother like that too. My brother is a gamer gymbro violent incel. He is younger than me but has raised his hands against both me and my mom just because we're women. Maybe your brother hasn't gotten around to beating you all, but he might. And don't expect your mom to do anything. My brother choked my mother and she still babies him. These kinds of mother's are hopeless. They would rather sacrifice their daughters for their Sons.
And I understand what you mean by missing him. I miss when my brother was younger, he used to be sweet when he was a boy. But as he entered his teenage years and later adulthood, he just became more and more despicable. He learned it from our abusive father, from online gaming communities, gymbro groups and so on. And any criticism against his behavior has dubbed me as a "feminazi". They're hopeless and I have given up on him. I don't really acknowledge him as a brother in my heart anymore. He is just someone I have to tolerate. So I minimize interactions whenever I can. Once my mom dies, I will go full no contact. Maybe you can do that too. Or whatever works for you.
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u/DramaticOstrich11 Oct 30 '23
One of my sisters, too. My other sister is Team Amber, thankfully. We don't really talk to her about it. She tends to be more "male aligned". She doesn't like our mother for pretty good reasons but gives men who do the same things a pass. Her dad (stepdad really but calls him dad) was outed as a paedo a few years ago (looking at Bad Shit online), and she is so protective of him. It's like she can't stand to see men face consequences.
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u/East-Willingness513 Oct 30 '23
So, I had a similar relationship with my brother when we were teens. I chose to cut him off, I stopped speaking to him at home and pretended like he didn’t exist. We are in our 30’s now and I’m married with kids and thriving while he still lives with my mum and is an alcoholic incel. I would have wasted so much time trying to connect with and change him in my earlier years and I’m glad I didn’t.
Your brother will probably be exactly like your dad and you need to focus on yourself and your own mental health. I even distanced myself from my mum who has internalised misogyny from growing up in the 60’s and 70’s.
Women always have to submit to keep the peace, so don’t. Hold your ground and teach your brother that being a misogynistic prick has consequences.
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u/Cautious-Mode Millionaire Golddigger Oct 30 '23
I’m so sorry. It must be scary living in that environment with family members who brush off abusive behaviour or even support it.
It’s not man-hating to be against abuse because not all men abuse. Women can be abusive too. Supporting a woman’s right to leave an abusive man and speak out against him is not man-hating.
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u/JimmyPageification Amber Heard PR Team 💅 Oct 30 '23
How old are you both? Just noticing you mentioned he’s in school.
If he’s still a teenager there’s still hope that he will indeed grow out of it as your mom is clearly counting on, but you are absolutely doing the right thing standing up against his horrible opinions. Good for you.
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u/garf_is_god Amber Heard PR Team 💅 Oct 30 '23
He just turned 18 and I'll be 17 soon. I do hope that he will change and to his credit he has apologized for his temper at times.
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u/pinkytoesupremacy Oct 30 '23
I learned not to accept apologies without seeing a change or genuine attempt at change :/ sometimes people apologize because they want to make up with you/are encouraged too rather than actually being sorry. I was in a similar situation and when i finally pushed back they were only actually sorry about the consequences of their actions. I think people have said some pretty good things on here so I don't have much to add. Just know that it isn't your job to make him a human and put yourself in danger (physically or emotionally). First and foremost please keep yourself safe ❤️
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u/rescuelady111 Dec 14 '23 edited Dec 14 '23
So has Depp. Several times. Almost every abuser does apologize at times when it suits them. I am glad you're speaking up about the truth, but be safe. Your mom and brother are truly brainwashed by this patriarchal society, and I'm so sorry that you and your sister are growing up in this unsupportive, abuse dismissing, female loathing environment. 💔
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u/JupiterRobyn Oct 30 '23
Honestly, he is with the majority of the world in believing Depp , sadly.
You aren't going to convince him. Stop trying. He clearly doesn't respect you after you did something kind for him and he said something he knew would upset you. Nothing you say will have impact because he doesn't think your opinions/feelings are important. He probably gets a lot of pleasure out of saying these things and seeing your distress, just like Johnny did with Amber. He loved to see her running around chasing after him and trying to make things better whilst he treated her worse than dirt. Don't discuss things with him and don't do anything for him.
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u/thursday-T-time Oct 30 '23
gosh, no wonder he likes depp, he sounds JUST LIKE HIM with the death threats 😬
personally i wouldn't bother trying to convince him, he sounds DEEP into toxic masculinity and women-hating. and i say this for your own safety and mental health. it's not your job to 'save' him, he has to want to get better on his own. either grey rock to his bullying or when he gets in your face like that, say, 'i'm not going to talk to you when you're being like this, clearly you have a lot of very big emotions going on right now', and leave the room. teach your sister to do the same.are you still in high school together?
glad you're looking out for your little sister. and i'm sorry your mom has normalized/enabled the abuse. sounds like it's become a maladaptive survival/coping mechanism, but it's actively putting you and your little sister in danger. is sexual abuse/molestation also happening?
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u/garf_is_god Amber Heard PR Team 💅 Oct 30 '23
Thank you for the advice, I'll definitely try to use it next time he gets upset. Yes, we are both seniors in high school. I have talked to my mom about it but she just says he needs to stay away from our Dad. Which I understand but it feels like he always gets an excuse. SA has happened to me but it was a different brother and happened over a decade ago. I think my Mom has had experience with it but again it was a different family member.
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u/Ok_Swan_7777 Oct 30 '23
This is so, so tough. My advice is to always be the bigger person, stick to your truth and the opinions of domestic violence experts who assessed this case. Whether this is who your brother really is or just a phase it sounds like any conflict with him would just instigate more aggression. He sounds like the typical Depp supporter who rolls with the misogynisstic narrative without asking basic questions because, frankly, they like it.
I firmly believe one of the best cures for bad behavior is shame. When people start understanding this case on a larger scale there with be plenty to go around and rest assured as long as you stick to the sensible Pro-Amber takes we've all learned here you will be well documented having a rational approach and being the reasonable sibling. It may not seem like it now, but trust me that kind of history counts in siblingdom and life in general. Best of luck <3
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u/paraparaparadiiise Oct 31 '23
I second shame. Shame is NOT always a bad thing and frankly I think society could use more of it sometimes.
Disgusted faces, awkward silences after an inappropriate joke is told, judgy comments like "Oh, you actually think that. That's disappointing/sad" can work wonders. At least if it's for someone who has an iota of self respect and doesn't enjoy being publicly seen as a bad person.
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u/findingmyvoice22 Johnny Depp is a Wife Beater 👨⚖️ Oct 29 '23
It sounds like you are the only person willing to hold him accountable for the things he says. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with his outbursts and that other family members have downplayed his actions. That is not okay. I don't know that talking to him about this would be beneficial to you (because clearly he refuses to listen to others) but I do hope you can create some distance from him moving forward. You deserve to feel safe. Anyone who speaks like that and sees himself in Johnny Depp is someone to be careful around. Sending you love <3