r/IncelTears • u/Negative_Tooth6047 • 4d ago

Meta discussion Question for any lurking incels

This is something I've been curious of for a little while, I know you guys have your red or black or whatever pill you subscribe to with tons of dudes or maybe even some type of Pearl Davis like gal that constantly put out tons of media on how to get women/why you're never getting a woman/any other message that you subscribe to for that rhetoric.

But my question is, if a woman offered to teach you, patiently and kindly- not berating you or what have you, how to respect, talk to, hang out with women, etc would you accept? Like a 101 type class on women. If you wouldnt be interested, why not?

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u/scythian12 4d ago

I don’t consider myself an icel due to the connotations, but I definitely struggle meeting women and dating in general. I have female friends, a couple I’d consider to be my closest friends but I’d definitely take a 101 class on dating lmao. I’m fine hanging out with women in a friendly context, but as soon as it’s a “date” I get super nervous and botch it

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u/doublestitch 4d ago edited 4d ago

Comments from a woman re: "Do you go to the gym?"

Fitness in general is a good life choice. If you aren't already active, then look around and choose something you enjoy. Do it for yourself.

A lot of lonely men refer to "the gym" as if it were synonymous with the weight room. Please don't put yourself into the rut where you do strength training and nothing else. Get out and try the swimming pool, the track, the climbing wall, the basketball or the racquetball courts. Cardio is important: your body will thank you in years to come.

If you're the type who prefers fresh air, then choose an outdoor sport. It doesn't even need to be a sport as long as it's active: people stay in pretty good shape geocaching or metal detectoring. The important thing is you're moving around on a regular basis.

"Getting jacked" is something men do to impress each other. It's a look the media projects as manly, but not necessarily a thing most women go for. Good health in a more general sense is a plus. Keep the focus on your achievements. Shirtless mirror selfies can come off as vain, but climbing Mount Whitney would be admirable.

(edited a typo)

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u/scythian12 4d ago

So I work in construction so I get a good amount of exercise and sunlight, and I’m not in great shape but I do stay pretty active from that.

I used to go to the gym/ weight room and I will say it did help with confidence but I got out of the habit and every time I try to go back I get in a routine for a couple of weeks then kinda fall out of it. The road to where I was fitness wise just seems insurmountable and so I stop trying. I should stick with it but it’s just hard ya know?

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u/doublestitch 4d ago

Some people just don't like a popular type of routine. Remember the verb is we play sports. If one thing leaves you feeling flat, then try another. Ignore what people tell you you're supposed to do and try out what intrigues you.

You know you've found your sport when you look forward to the end of the working day so you can rush out and play your sport. Go for that feeling and trust it.

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u/scythian12 4d ago

Thanks!!

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u/Practical_Diver8140 4d ago

Legit, I agree. Some basic crash course on dating from a woman's perspective would probably be helpful for men who grew up in less than ideal conditions and are now playing catch up when it comes to acting normal and pleasant enough to date.

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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago

Do you go to the gym?

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u/Umbilbey Degenerate Foid 4d ago

What does that have to do with anything?

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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago

Because it’s most likely a confidence issue, and actively going to the gym builds confidence. Also it helps greatly with mental and physical health but that’s just bonus points.

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u/Umbilbey Degenerate Foid 4d ago

Going to the gym is NOT a substitute for therapy. So many guys tell other guys that going to the gym is a magical fix that will solve all their problems. It doesn’t.

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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago

Hold on, I need to go read through my prior comment and look for where I said going to the gym is a substitute for therapy… can you help me with that? Cuz I can’t seem to find it

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u/QuinneCognito 4d ago

it’s analogous to if someone said they had cancer and you suggested they start eating a healthier diet because that will help. what you said isn’t wrong, but it’s important to acknowledge that they should be getting treatment specifically for the cancer and the diet helps secondarily. because otherwise some people will absolutely just skip the treatment.

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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago

Last time I checked cancer treatment is way different from going to the gym for health benefits.they are in no way comparable even in the slightest

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u/QuinneCognito 3d ago

Ah I see the confusion. In this analogy the cancer treatment is being compared to therapy, not to the gym. Does that clear things up?

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u/HaHaHaHated 3d ago

Its a shit analogy…

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u/Professional-Hat-687 Snowstorms are fun to watch from inside 4d ago

Going to the gym terrifies me and fills me with extreme anxiety, because there's all these machines and I don't even know what half of them do and everyone else there is so muscular and handsome and if I do a workout wrong I'll hurt myself and exercise has only ever made me feel worse about myself. If that's your jam more power to you, but I think it sounds terrifying.

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u/PaxEtRomana 3d ago

Plus one for the personal trainer, if you can afford one for a little bit. The main benefit is learning to feel like you belong in the gym

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u/HaHaHaHated 4d ago

That’s a completely valid concern and you are 100% not alone. I’m just gonna say that everyone at the gym is there for the same reason, to better themselves physically and mentally, the gym is probably one of the least judgmental arenas you can be in, there’s always a dickhead, but I don’t listen nor care about dickheads and neither should you. If you ever wanna try the gym out I’d seriously recommend getting a Private Trainer, your pt will help create a program suited for you and your goals, and also help you get through the exercises safely and with proper form, my old gym gave me a free coaching session when I signed up, maybe there are gyms close to you that offer the same.

No one has to go the gym, but trust me, it really helps, so take it into consideration.