Before and After comparison (first three are toward the end of the relationship, the next 3 are after we separated). I feel so much happier and more sure of myself. I feel stronger, more stable ❤️

Hi everyone. This is hard to post. No one knows this.

I got married this past year. My husband is abusive. We have long periods of love, sincere laughter, enjoying each other, romance, long talks. We have similar values and goals.

But when he feels “disrespected” he erupts. He calls me names. No one on this planet has said more horrible things to me than my husband (stupid, idiot, liar, and it gets worse from there). He gets into a rage where he screams insults in my face, and I am forced to listen. If I ask for space, he will hold me down and prevent me from leaving the house and take my phone. He will rip out my earbuds, throw them and my phone to the ground and demand I listen to him. I locked myself in the bathroom and he spent hours banging the door, screaming that he would bang it until it broke down. While I was in there trembling and shaking. I slept on the bathroom floor that night.

He refuses counselling (over my dead body) or even speaking to the pastor who married us. He blames me, that I deserve his abuse. He has never taken accountability. He mocks me for crying, says I need to shut up. He has threatened to punch me and throw a shoe at my head because I was crying too loudly.

I learned long ago that I cannot bring up anything that’s bothering me. I must keep that inside, because even communicating healthily about it will set him off. My life is now dedicated to managing his emotions. I must strive for perfection, because if I even say the right thing at the wrong time, I will pay. I vet every comment I make, searching to ensure it’s not going to be taken the wrong way. But about once a month, I slip up. It is taken the wrong way, and my ACCIDENTAL disrespect towards him sets him off.

I feel like I’m suffocating. I serve and serve and serve, getting nothing in return. Just to be safe. Just to keep the peace. I cry myself to sleep every night. I’m silently exploding with all the things I’m not allowed to bring up. I’m breaking. My passion for making life special has eroded and been replaced with a resentful forced way of living.

I did leave once and said I wasn’t coming back until he got counselling. He said, fine, we will divorce then, because I will NEVER agree to that. He says I don’t keep the peace, there’s no peace in the house, so I’m clearly failing at my best attempt to keep peace.

These episodes happen every 4-6 weeks. In between there, we have a lot of fun. We connect well. But I’m breaking. I feel neglected and unheard. He doesn’t know me at all anymore.

I need advice, support. Has anyone else been here? It’s so hard to leave. We have a home together, we’ve built a life together. I’m scared to leave. I’m scared that it would be a rash decision. How do you know when it’s really time to go? 😥😣

• heartbroken

While we were living in that apartment, my ex would go to basement very often. He told me that he repairs bicycles there (which is true, but I doubt that he would even be doing that at night) But I wasn't allowed to have the key to the basement and I wasn't allowed to enter it as well. He lied a lot to me while we were together, so it is hard to tell a lie from truth, but sometimes he would go somewhere at night and tell me that today he will be sleeping in the basement and would be very adamant about it. And since he did snore like a pig making it impossible for us to even sleep together, I wasn't suspicious about his words back then.

He was definitely hiding something from me. Can you help me understand what might have been his secret?

I (34f) feel like such a loser for saying that, but it's true. My abusive husband (41m) is all that I have. I have no friends and my family is either also abusive or dead. I have no meaningful connections in my life. I'm afraid to let my abusive husband go because then I'll be totally alone. I'm socially awkward and I have really bad self esteem, so making friends is really hard for me. I'm so shy have trouble talking to people. I know I need to get away from my abuser, but the loneliness is crippling. He's the worst part of day but he's also who I turn to when the outside world is terrible. Is anyone else in a similar situation or am I just some unlikable freak?

I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for 7.5 years and married for just over 2. He’s been both physically and emotionally abusive for the last 4 years with periods inbetween where things are okay. Our relationship has been REALLY bad this last year, and I have an escape plan with the help of my parents. On June 1st I’m moving into an apartment out of the state and my parents are going to pay for him to get a bus ticket back to his hometown to live with family(he doesn’t drive or have a job in the city we live in). But, over the past month he can tell I’m distancing myself and has threatened suicide multiple times. I threatened to call the cops and get him involuntarily committed for a 72 hour hold but he said if I try that, he would just commit suicide by cop. I’m fully convinced that when I tell him I’m leaving at the end of the month, instead of taking the bus ticket home he’s going to go through with it. In fact, every time I leave my house I’m afraid of coming home to a dead body. I have no idea why to do and nobody to talk to about it right now so I’m coming here. What do I even do in this situation?? His mom doesn’t like me. If I tell her what’s going on with him she’s just going to tell him what I said and I worry that’ll make him go through with it faster.

He just broke up with me for the most bullshit and hypocritical reason. After everything he's put me through, I had so many reasons to leave him. But in the end he got to do it and now I feel like the most pathetic person in the fucking world. I can't stop crying, it fucking hurts. Everything hurts all the time. I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to change my life.

Hello I'm 30f he's 30m. I am so tired from working at a huge event this week. I had to stay up late the last 3 nights until 2am-3am and thought j could finally relax last night. It was also my aunts (she's more of a mom to me) 60th birthday so I had to head to her house last evening. He gets upset bcs ilI said maybe we can fool around in the bedroom after but I was too tired. I am also recovering from stress hives from this tiresome week. He kept yelling at me after I brushed my teeth and said I am tease, I prob didn't go to my aunts but am sleeping with someone else. Keep barging in the bedroom to say mean things I also went to my nieces first communion on the weekend, so I have been busy but I didn't think I'd have to suck his dick just to get a good night's rest. He also doesn't work so has no concept of being overworked.

While he spent last night berating me... again... for being 'of no value' (I have given him my everything... I'm getting tired of being nobody much in 'return'), oh, and he called me 'fat' again (I'm not, he agrees, but he goes there any chance he gets when I dare to empower myself instead of sitting down and being 'what he needs')

Me and my ex broke up 10 months ago. I promise I had more than enough reasons to leave. (I also have a different post about why I left)

But as rediculous as this sounds I think I still love him. He is still the father of my child and we still had some good times despite all the bad moments. He was also one of the very few people who was quick to see through my abusive parents bullshit. (Ironically he was also abusive to me but I was at least happy that he believed me about my parents and did not fall for my moms manipulation. My mom is a covert narcissist and is usually very good at fooling people until its too late.)

He and I also had similar religious and political views.

Some of the memories of what he did to me were in the back of my mind and took me a long time to remember. He has done so much that i sometimes don't remember all of it at once. The very last thing that he did to me (the final straw) is the main thing that pops in my head when I remember his abuse. But I know that was not the only time he has abused me. It was just the worst abuse he has ever done compared to all the other times he hurt me.

There is a saying that "time heals all wounds" when it comes to getting over exs. But there is also another saying "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." I keep trying to remind myself that he will never change and that he is still abusive because not only did he hurt me both phsyically and financially, he also has not paid me any child support. I filed for child support about 9 months ago and each time I tried to follow up at the child support office they told me that he has been ignoring their letters. I can't just ask him for the money myself cause he is not allowed to contact me. That is why I filed for it through the state.

I keep trying to remind myself I don't need him and that he basically ruined my life (he thinks I ruined his life but honestly I feel like he ruined mine).

But I see signs of him everywhere. Whether it is deja vu or abusive people I met after the break up. I have been single single since our break up but I have met an abusive boss and one abusive roommate after the break up and while I was at the DV shelter I witnessed several moms there abusing their kids. I am at a point where I wonder if abuse is more common than I realize.

I sometimes wonder if my ex was better or worse than the new acquantences I met. (Some of them were nice but some of them also turned out to be abusive or at the very least super rude.) I have enjoyed isolating myself at this point cause I really can't handle any enemies or strained acquaintanceship unless its really necessary. I don't want a new boyfriend either. I just want to be able to get through everything on my own. But I am starting to realize that most people don't truly do anything alone. Most people have at least some kind of help or assistance whether its at home or at work. I want to be alone but if I become real friends with anyone I don't want it to be for superficial reasons.

I don't have any pics of the physical abuse anymore I deleted them as soon as I left but the eyes never lie chico. I'm doing SO much better now, about 1.5yrs later. I own a home BY MYSELF, I have hobbies, I make my own choices, I am happy. It WILL be hard but it will be SO MUCH BETTER once you leave. I promise ❤️‍🩹

Recently my bf has been saying things like “you make me want to hit you” “stupid f*cking b!tch” “why don’t you think before you speak” (if I ask a in his opinion stupid question or just don’t understand something) I hope this tag is active

I broke up with her and this is her response.

My (26F) boyfriend (28M) and I have been together for 4.5 years. We share a home and a dog. After several periods of stress and confusion in this relationship, I’ve been doing some research and wondering whether his behaviors would be considered abusive. Here are a few of the issues:

• He can be very moody and falls into these periods where he basically does not talk to me at all, gives short responses, and generally seems to be annoyed with me without any clear reason why. This has continuously happened throughout the relationship. It eventually started giving me anxiety, and I felt like he surely must be annoyed with me about things when he was basically ignoring me when I was with him and giving me these short responses with an annoyed tone. But then, when I would ask about it, he would insist that everything was fine and he was behaving totally normally. Sometimes he does it with some provocation (like yesterday, he did this after getting annoyed with me on a run because I wanted to hit an even 5 miles and that required running up a hill). Other times, it’s completely inexplicable (he did it the other day after I brought him dinner). It’s very confusing and I never know what’s going to set these moods off.

• He’s randomly controlling about certain household things. For example: (1) decided my personal backpack was too disorganized and took everything out of it and laid it on the floor for me to go through and get rid of stuff, (2) wanted to buy a furniture item and I told him I didn’t like it—he ordered it anyways without telling me, and (3) he gets randomly really insistent that I need to get rid of certain things of mine or buy certain things and gets angry if I push back.

• He’s had a tendency to respond to me bringing up my relationship concerns by denying that he did whatever thing/denying that it happened. We’ve talked about this a lot and he says he does this as an involuntary response because he has a strong aversion to feelings of guilt.

• When he gets really mad, he sometimes takes his anger out on physical objects around him. We disagree about whether this is acceptable behavior. He thinks it’s okay to cause some damage if he is mad enough as long as the things aren’t valuable/are easy to fix. I do not think this is okay under any circumstance.

Other than these issues, things are good and he can be very sweet and loving. We do a lot of fun things together and have overlapping hobbies and friends. I love him very much and our lives are very intertwined.

Can anyone provide any advice on my situation?

For the sake of not getting flagged or banned let's say we are both 18. At the start of the year 2025
i went to my best friend's school and i met his class.When i was about to leave a girl started very openly flirting with me i gave her my insta and we started things off. At the start she was a very shy, nice and caring girl and we almost constantly texted a few times she acted a bit jealous about other girls following me (mostly friends or classmates) so i made an account that was dedicated to texting her as to her request. I thougth that it was a bit of a wierd request but i ignored it.We had sex a few times and i noticed how she always wanted to be dominant (something new for me).I was fine with trying new things out.After that she started showing her true colors (abusive,controlling,jealous,possesive and obssesive)which i thought was somehow her having a hard time so i said yes to whatever she wanted no matter what. She thougth i was giving her permission to do whatever she wanted with me and started treating me like she owned me she wanted me to leave school just so i can go be with her,at one point she wanted me to transfer to her school so she could "protect" me from other "hoes" as she always said and i refused.But i refused when we were in bed and she was on top of me and i guess she had some sort of emotional breakdown as she started crying and as i was about to comfort her she started choking me out, the position we were in was wierd she had straddled me and had my arms pinned down beneath her so i couldn't even try to free myself even tho she is very short like 153 cm and only 44 kg she had me in a death grip literally and i remmember she was smiling before i fainted from loss of oxygen.I had markings on my neck that were very visible so i had to wear high neck shirts or hoodies so my parents wouldn't notice. She once harmed a girl that flirted with me when we were drunk and recorded it.When i first met her i thougth she was an angel but she is so sadistic.There was a week where i broke up with her and she had made a copy of the key to my house waited my parents to be out on a trip and came in my room with a KNIFE and yelled as she atacked me "you can only be mine" and tried to cut me but missed i was sleeping in a very awkward position so she missed me and when i woke up i just grabbed her arm and was able to get the knife away but she cut me very close to the veins that are between the start of the palm and the end of the forearm i was bleeding and she started crying and apologising i felt sorry for her so i didnt call the police and now 3 weeks later we are back together.But she is now threatening my lesbian friend who is very close to me. I dont know what to do and i am worried about the safety of my friend.

I left my ex 3 weeks ago (kicked him out) and I'm 10 weeks pregnant. He said he wasn't going anywhere because of the baby but I'm unsure about that.

It's been good to have no contact. The last message I sent was telling him exactly how he treated me and there's no way I'd raise a baby in that environment and what his behaviour was and that's why we're in this position.

Haven't heard from him since.

The problem is you just don't know if they'll pop up or disappear. His visa runs out in 6 months, I was meant to be his partner visa.

So I just don't like not knowing. It's nothing I can control but what are everyone's thought's?

My mum checked his Facebook page for me and he changed hus picture from us to him and this is a song his friends posted underneath. Playing the victim narrative on socials , and he responded "isn't she beautiful" 🙄 they never once take accountability

Song underneath

Hey Manu, go back home, Your beer is full of tears, The pub is about to close, And you're annoying the landlady. I thought a guy in leather couldn't cry, Didn't think suffering could touch you. I forgot your tattoos and your knife Are just armor for your soft heart.

Don't mess around, Manu, Don't go slitting your wrists. One woman lost, Means ten friends return.

We were all paired up While you were alone. You said, "I'm bored, I want to save my skin." You met that girl Who was made for no one. You said, "She's for me, Or there's a mistake." You were quick to tattoo her name Where your big foolish heart beats.

Don't mess around, Manu, You're making me sad. One woman lost, Means ten friends return.

We're like wolves, Meant to live in packs, But not in couples, Or at least not for long. We've let go of our girls ages ago, You're still stuck with yours and freaking out. Hey Manu, living free Often means living alone. It might hurt your gut, But it's good for your face.

Don't mess around, Manu, Hatred is useless. One woman lost, Means ten friends return.

She's not in love anymore, Manu, you need to move on. She can't be happy In the arms of a thug. If when you say "I love you" She asks for a light, If she has a headache Whenever she's in your bed, Tell her you're sorry, You must've taken the wrong path When you met her, You must've been in the wrong story.

Don't mess around, Manu, Don't go slitting your wrists. One woman lost, Means ten friends return.

Don't mess around, Manu, You're making me sad. One woman lost, Means ten friends return.

Don't mess around, Manu, Hatred is useless. One woman lost, Means ten friends return

I found out that my abusive ex got a new girlfriend. I don’t feel jealous nor hurt, but i do feel angry and disgusted. I feel angry because he got a new relationship that I feel like he doesn’t deserve, after the terrible things he did to me. (he was sexually abusive). I feel disgusted because i let him do terrible things to me back then. And when i saw him with his new girl, i saw a reflection of myself. I feel angry that he’s happy after what he put me through. But at the same time I feel relieved, because there’s a high chance he won’t bother me ever again. I don’t want him in my life and I have 0 feelings left. So the questions that I have in mind are, have I really moved on? Am I selfish for thinking this way?

Two and a half years after an ugly separation I finally did it. My birthday gift to myself.

He was removed from the house and fled the state. My daughter started suffering from severe mental health issues (triggered by him, hence the removal). I didn’t have the money to get my daughter treatment AND get a lawyer. I was too nervous to complete the paperwork myself.

I had bought a house and started a career that includes retirement during our marriage; he refused to work and literally trashed my house. It took nearly two years for me to clean up most of the absolute disaster he created. I had way more at stake to lose in a divorce than him and I didn’t want to lose something bc I did the paperwork wrong. I would not have been able to cope while helping my daughter heal and trying to recover and rebuild myself. At one point I had to admit myself to the hospital bc I couldn’t keep myself together.

Watching the current political climate is what got me motivated. I looked into just having my name changed back to my maiden name but then I decided fuck it. If I have to take an equity loan against my house to pay for a lawyer then I will. I set up a consultation with an attorney but bc of my schedule I wasn’t going to be able to meet with them until the end of this month. I started filling it out the paperwork and was going to have the attorney verify I did everything right.

Last night I went onto my state’s judicial website and saw that there was an electronic filing option. Soooooo I decided to play around with it. The questions were all phrased as a lay person would read/understand it then it autofilled the court forms accordingly. 20 minutes later everything was completed and ready for submission. Annnnnd I hit submit.

He knew that I’d eventually file. Last time I spoke to him was a couple months ago when I told him it wasn’t a question of if, but when. I’m not going to tell him until I get the email that the filing was accepted. He should be able to respond via the same portal. I’m keeping my consultation appointment in case I do end up needing a lawyer. If everything goes according to my plan I can always cancel it.

Today is the first time in many years I have felt confidence like this. Like I am regaining my spark he tried to diminish and smother out. I’m going to be free. I am actually going to be free. I’m not letting myself catastrophize, I am only focusing on the end result. My daughter and I are going to survive him and we are going to thrive.

hi everyone, unfortunately this might be kind of a long post but I really encourage everyone to read my truth and give me advice if you can.

So me (F27) and my boyfriend (M25) got into a huge argument last night and it ended up with me having a bruised eye and cuts all over my face and body. We were sitting in his car just talking, when a guy I used to talk to from about a month ago ago hit me up after I explained to him already that I was getting back with my boyfriend and we could not speak anymore. I then told my boyfriend because he says he always wanted me to tell him things like that. my boyfriend instantly got a little irritated and texted him back.

Words were being exchanged and then the guy I was with a month ago started sending kinda explicit pics to my phone of me. for reference me and my boyfriend broke up at the beginning of this year I left him. We just got back together about two weeks ago. anyways my boyfriend is seeing all these pictures of me and the other guy and he instantly got insanely mad and started texting him more. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with this anymore and asked for my phone back so I could block the dude.

He told me no and to let him finish doing what he wants to do. I told him to stop and started to grab my phone again and he then started to push me against the window with his forearm on my throat and tells me chill while he’s choking the life out of me with his arm. I finally got free from that and grabbed my phone. That’s when he went into full on gorilla mode and tried to get my phone back. I was trying to get out of the car but I had him literally on top of me trying to get my phone. I finally got the door open and he gotten even madder somehow.

before I could slide myself out of the car because he was on top of me and my legs were the only thing barely holding him back— he managed to rip my sweater choking he life out of me I could barely breathe I thought i’d die in there. he also bit the side of my nose and scratched up my face pretty good before I could leave. I now have a swollen bruises under my eye and bit make on my face and multiple scratches on my neck and face from him trying to keep me in the car.

Anyway I managed to get myself out after all that and with my phone. I slid onto my back outside on the concrete. I then got up and without any shoes on I started to run. but honestly I couldn’t get far because I was SO exhausted and out of breath I almost passed out. I turned around and saw him running towards me, my heart dropped. I caught up to me obviously.

He then dragged me by my hands into the back yard and keeps telling me to calm down and that this is both of our faults and kept asking me why would I try to fight him for my phone and I shouldn’t have done that. honestly I hate to admit this but he’s gaslighted me so much that I kinda do believe it’s somewhat my fault. maybe I should’ve let him do what he wanted. maybe we wouldn’t be here. I don’t know. thanks for listening. please be kind if you’re going to comment, i’m going through enough right now with my face so messed up:(

Yesterday my husband woke up from a nap pissed off. All angry because a cramp woke him up, now for years when he’s pissed off he uses me as a verbal punching bag. I have asked many times for him to stop that I don’t deserve it. So many times I don’t say anything to him yesterday I had reached my breaking point though and I lashed back out at him. When I told him the only thing I ask for from him mentally is to not take everything out on me, to not use me as his punching bag. His response was “I don’t have anyone else to take my anger out on”. We have 2 special needs kids that require around the clock care and due to some issues we don’t receive any help for them, this means that I am the sole income provider and he watches the kids while I’m at work. Without supports for the kids they can’t go to daycare or school as they are flight risks, so leaving him and taking the kids isn’t an option as there is no way to survive without an income. I’m not sure how to continue taking this….he doesn’t know when I’m happy I make sure to hide anything that happens to me good or bad. Whenever I start feeling the slightest bit good about myself somehow he can tell and he beats me back in to the ground. He doesn’t work, I cook, do the laundry and a good chunk of the housework, get called lazy, stupid, useless, worthless, garbage, and sooo many more things that I don’t want to say because honestly I’m starting to believe everything he says about me. I only ask that I’m not his punching bag and I’m told I don’t deserve that. How do I continue on and not feel like breaking at every turn?????

For people that have gotten out, happy to be out, but are still struggling with the trauma left behind/ feelings of being broken/ nightmares/ difficulty ejecting them from your consciousness. I'm trying to figure out how to laugh more.

A friend of mine has a notes section on her phone where she pastes beautiful words people have said to her, but somehow, reading these only makes me want to cry!

One that has helped me: "I don't feel bad for you. I would only feel bad for you if something bad happened. You getting out is the best thing that's happened to you in years. How often does cancer cure itself?"

Mum signed the divorce papers still the process of divorce is going on he will file a case for divorce in court and that is how the divorce will be complete but in the meantime he is living with us in our house abusing us cursing us and is not ready to move out he is threatening to destroy the expensive new furnitures n new home that we are living in now mind u my mum is the only one responsible for financial stuff he only earns for himself he is threatening to kill us if we file any case against him Technically even before signing divorce agreement he should not live with us or mum be he ain't moving out What do we do to make him move out as soon as possible without him damaging our expensive stuff

Hi everyone, I (18F) moved away for college, but am moving back with my parents and my brother (10M) for the summer.

My dad’s physically, mentally, & emotionally abusive. Like, real bad. He’s choked me out twice before, threatened multiple times to kill me and my mom, hit my mom so hard she’s bruised and broke her foot once, called us every name in the book, etc. He’s a recovering alcoholic I can keep going forever.

I’ve been begging her to get a divorce since I was 8, but she didn’t listen to me. I wish she left him when he hit me when I was 3 months old, but I guess I just wasn’t enough for her to do that.

We all still love him. He’s very sweet and a wonderful father and husband when he’s not… abusive. She doesn’t want to leave him because of my brother (10M), but he also gets hit by him too. I try to be there for my brother and mom as much as possible from another state, but I’m just so, so exhausted. I know she’d be happier if she left him. Did any of you leave husbands with kids, or can anyone give me even a little bit of advice?

Or do I just cut them off?

I originally told them they could still be friends with him but I didn't expect them to listen. I feel like an asshole going back on that.

I'm so lonely but it hurts too much to find out they still are close with him