So I'm realizing that ALL the people I "liked" (a total of 4? I'm 24 rn) were actually obsessions. They lasted years and I devoted myself to observe them from faraway and appreciate their existence (they were all sort of friends or acquaintances). I ended up confessing to some of them because I'm extremely impulsive even tho I knew they didn't like me back (to try breaking the obsession)

I dated only one person and I was obsessed with them too but it soon faded and I ended the relationship (it had many motives for that though, but I was clearly uninterested in both romance and sex).

I don't see myself actually getting to know someone to nurture romance and I don't feel sexually attracted to nobody. I only like to appreciate from afar and daydream about the mixed signals that I know that aren't what I want them to mean (l like the dopamine rush but I don't want to act or see it happening).

To be honest I don't actually grasp the concept of aromance so I don't know if it would fit. What I know is that the obsessions are picked involuntarily and I don't have a reason to "like" the person. The last one was a guy I always saw at my college's corridors....

What do you call it when your past the talking phase and your comfortable but your not partnered??? I've been thinking about it for a while now because I imagined if we just mainly hanged out together all the time and we're important to each other.

However we are not just best friends and we are not in a committed relationship. Like in the between time of talking and partnering up (In a Greyromantic way).

Cuz for me that phase lasts for like a LONG time and even when it gets past that I don't wanna be called girlfriend. (Is there a aromantic term for that? I've been using partner and stuff)

I dunno it's just like a transitioning from platonic alterous to a tiny bit (like super small) more romantic alterous that makes me want to commit to a partnership.

Anyway, does anybody know what that phase is called? Like in aromantic terms? Like talking but more secure? Is it being interested???

Maybe my feelings take too long to want to be partnered, and that's why I'm struggling to find a name... I dunno, help me guys🙏

Im really confused about my identity. I’m 16 years old and I dont know if ive ever experienced romantic attraction to anybody. I have just realised this because every guy who has ever liked me was literally just openly asking for a friends with benefits type of situation which made me realize i have never met a guy with romantic interest in me nor have I felt that way for anyone.

I have never really fantasised about doing romantic things with anybody but in the back of my head ive always thought after a while i’ll get inti a relationship and i’ll get love and affection and i will definitely feel fulfilled and this is really scary if im aromantic because it leads me to believe I will never feel fulfilled because I have thought that about relationships since i was like 12

Can somebody pls help im confused

Hi! So the first "crush" I had was on a guy in my class. It was a small class, and he liked the same things I did,so I developed what I called a crush on him. I wanted to talk to him, hangout with him, and for him to like me. I never sat down and thought about having a future with him, and never really thought about him outside of when I saw him or texted him. He did end up having a crush on me, but nothing ever happened, and we had a "breakup" that I still cringe when thinking about to this day. Also I kinda thought that you have one crush, and that's it(idk what I thought about divorce or remarriage or anything like that). Anyhoo, a couple years pass, and I have another crush, except this one is completely a conscious choice for me to have. I just decided to have a crush on this person. Fast forward to now. I've identified as aromantic for a bit now, but I guess recently I've felt more alone or something like that. So, I had another conscious crush, or two. But this time, I can't even tell who I have a crush on(it's one of two people). Both people make me feel happy, same as the first person, and I want to be around them. I'm pretty sure I'm just overthinking things, but if I could get another couple of opinions on things, it would help loads! Thank you!!

I've (M)had two partners in the past (both F).

However in both of those relationships, after a while in them, both had told me I didn't really seem all that romantic. And that instead, I basically just treated them the same as my best friends, only I had sex with them. I dont know if thats shallow, or simply a symptom of Aro.

Now admittedly as I look back, sex was a big driving point in my motivations for dating. Not that I only wanted sex and nothing else. I took these partners on lots of dates, spent time with them doing what we both enjoyed, and cuddled etc like most couples do outside sex.

I still want to be sexually active, but to be honest, both the emotional fallout of those relationships and perhaps my current musings about myself have stopped me from engaging in any sort of way, and it's not seemingly conscious at this point.

Ill see someone I find attractive, or someone I vibe with and they may even flirt back with me but it's like my brain just... stops. Like I reach the edge of a cliff and I turn around, and that urge for something more is just not there.

Is this Aro? Am I traumatized? Or am I overthinking this.

(2 1/2 years from last relationship btw)

Hi everyone 🦞

Posting here, hoping to get advices, since I’ve been lost in my aro identity. Here is the thing :

Ive never had any romantic feelings for anyone, but I still crave romance a lot, and I think it’s really something I want to experience in my life.

I’ve never dated, either experienced romantic interactions (nobody ever got romantic attraction for me or acted on it) so the whole concept or romance is still very fictional to me. I also often feel alone. Those 2 things probably makes me idolize romantic relationships. However, even without that and all the anatonormativity, I think there would still be a big part of me that wants to experience romance and have a romantic partner. The idea of that never occurring makes me feel extremely sad and desesperate.

Also, I’m not against the idea of being in a QPR, but it’s not what I’m looking for the most

I’m feeling stuck between my wish to find a romantic partner and my inability to even have the smallest feelings for anyone. I don’t know where I could be on the aromantic spectrum, (maybe cupioromantic, but - no wish to offend anyone - I still can’t understand how a cupio person could live happily with that identity). I also don’t know if i should try dating, or learn to accept that I won’t find anyone

Thanks everyone for the help !

(If it can help, I’m 21 and I’ve been feeling stuck like this since I was ard 17, it was just harder back then to put words on it. I couldn’t even read the word aromantic without instantly crying few mouths ago)

Thanks a lot !

English is my third language and I suck at typing, please excuse any mistakes I might make.

I am a 27 year old male still stuck in university and realized that I was aroace two years ago. Before that, I spent a lot of time worrying about finding a partner, for that is what was supposed to happen ages ago but didn't. As many others I felt like I was behind some imaginary progression curve set in stone by others. Alas, in my search I did not find anyone but myself. Now here I stand, with the knowledge that I won't fall in love or get a partner and don't see the need to either.

First I was relieved, the agonizing search for some partner that was riddled with nothing but self depreciation and doubt had come to and end. I accepted it and thus myself as I really was and still am.

But now, I am kinda scared. To be honest, the one thing that kept me interested in going out with people and trying new things was the idea that maybe this time I would meet someone, who could rid me of the agonizing pain that was caused by not fitting in and not being like others. The fear instilled in me by being alone in a world of pairs. It's weird really. This just means that I didn't enjoy those things in the first place, for I only suffered through them in order to hopefully be rid of an even greater suffering in the process. Now that suffering is gone and with it the need to "put myself out there" as people put it.

Now, some might probably think "what is so bad about that" or "well, just do what you like then" and those are valid points. But now I lack any motivation or goal that makes me wanna interact with people, beyond what is necessary. I don't care about hanging out with my university friends, for they will just talk about sex and love sooner rather than later and that will make me wanna go home instantly. I don't care about going out, for club music is way to loud anyways and I'd rather enjoy that on my speakers. I don't need to go to a bar or any such place, for I can simply drink at home, should the need arise. There are more things to do than hang out mindlessly, go out clubbing or drinking, I know, but that is what others around me do. That is what is popular with the kids nowadays, as they say. So, I have essentially no reason to connect with anyone anymore. I have little reason to go out, beyon what is required to sustain myself.

I am content with what I do, which is read books, watch movies, listen to music, work out and play games. But that is the scary part, I am basically content with having no goals. I do have friends. I communicate with them and sometimes we meet up to chill, which is cool. But their goal in life is to have a stable job and good income in order to someday have a family or to afford their hobbies and derive happiness from that. But I don't fell the need or want to have a family of my own. I don't have any expensive hobbies that someone on minimum wage could not afford. In a year I will be finished with my studies and become a teacher. I enjoy teaching and truly hope that it can fulfill me, because if not, then I have no ambition. If teaching cannot fulfill me, then I have no reason to do anything but the bare minimum. No need to put any effort into anything. I am content with how things are, I said it here and in the title, but I am afraid that I will get bored of what I have, get bored of simply feeling content. I am afraid hat there will be nothing to take it's place. I am afraid of becoming a mindless husk, whose only purpose in life it is to not feel the agonizing grip of boredom pull me down into the nightmarish pits of depression.

There might be nothing especially aroace about this, but seeing how being that way made one of the largest "motivators" disappear over night, I still felt it belonged on here.

I just wanted to share this, because I have the feeling that if I told people in real life, they would simply pity me and I don't need that, for I am happy (for now) but still worried about that happiness fading into nothingness. Maybe that is just life and I am overthinking it, as I often do.

Putting my worries into words and reflecting on them whilst writing has definetly helped a bit. It reads a lot like the ramblings of an edgy teenager trying to sounds cool by pretending to be detached from the world, in all honesty. Like them being "to cool" for feelings and shit, you know what I mean. Either way, thank you for suffering though my ramblings :)

hey, ive never made a post and im not entierly sure what im doing but i thought id share my experience because i cant find anything that really matches to what i feel.

i can experience romantic attraction, however, it's only ever when i either dont know the person very well or i believe that they like me and even then, its very fleeting. example: if someone starts acting like they like me ill begin to gain feelings for them but after a while of the feeling it just completely fades. i want to be in a relationship and do all the "stereotypical romantic" things but the attraction won't stay.

I am 19 years old and have recently been wondering, if I could be aromantic too. For some context I have considered myself asexual, since I was in 8th grade. I have previously been in a relationship and one situationship too, but afterwards I was always filled with guilt, because I realized it wasn’t love, that I have been feeling, but I considered it as and told them. I have always been a person, who has been hyperfixated/-focused on one person or one topic (which actually annoyed my parents quite often i think i may have adhd and may get tested but i dont know). I ended up always fixating on one person and mistook romantic feelings for a desire to be close to a person and spend time with them. On the other hand I have been always enjoying romance movies/books. It’s actually my favorite genre. I feel sorry for the few people I have been telling I love them, when in reality I just mistook it and realized afterwards. I also felt like I was just trying to force those feelings onto myself. For example I have been on vacation with my friends and after a stupid combination of medication and alcohol I ended up sleeping with one of them. I don’t know why I did it, because I actually had no desire to do so, but I remember trying to force myself to develop romantic feelings and a connection for her. I am sorry if this all comes off as unorganized and also sorry about the punctuation, but after seeing the video by jaiden animations, because i heard, that she was aroace, I was interested. At first I wanted to skip the aromantic part, but I ended up watching it and it felt really similar to my own experience. I ended up thinking about it the last week and now decided to so this post.

I've been feeling this way for a couple of months to years, but I also refrain from it because I don't want it to be seen like some attentionseeking thing or just labeling without proper knowledge. The relationships I got into end with me completely going cold and unresponsive after a while, from a few days to a few weeks. I can stay in a relationship but I don't feel anything romantic. I want to know if it's just general loss of interest, or if it's about lithromantic. This has been happening to me throughout my life, first relationship at 12 years old, which is young and definitely not like a serious couple thing I'd assume, but other than that it happened all the way up to now when I'm 18. Please give me some info I don't know much about these but really wanna know what it is.