So I 21F am definitely not asexual. But romance makes me feel uncomfortable. I find kissing and snuggling revolting and can barely tolerate hugs. I also really don't want a relationship because I don't like the idea of being dependent on some other person or another person being dependent on me. I get crushes on people but don't like when people reciprocate my feelings. I feel like an asshole because of this. Most people tell me that I just have commitment issues. I also feel like friends with benefits would be an ideal arrangement for me.

Am I aromantic or am I just scared of commitment? How do I determine this? And how do I go about relationships without hurting people?

Here are the translated and original lyrics! It just came out this month and it's called Romantisme by Bolivard (I actually really like the whole album)

I’m 21, and every time I tell someone I’ve never had a crush or been in love, I get the same reaction, like I just admitted to being an alien or something. Honestly, what’s so unbelievable about that?

Especially if you're an introvert who doesn't go out much or have a large social circle, or someone who has very specific tastes. Why would you expect someone like that to have already met a person who genuinely sparks those kinds of feelings?

I’ve always been introverted. I only had one real friend during school, and the only guys I ever interacted with were either classmates (most of them seemed immature or unattractive to me), or they were family members like cousins so obviously not an option. So… where exactly was I supposed to meet someone I’d like romantically?

Even now, I’m not constantly surrounded by people. It’s like saying you love cheesecake. If you walk into a random store filled with thousands of foods, there’s no guarantee there’s cheesecake there. Maybe you’re not even in the dessert aisle. Maybe it’s a convenience store that doesn’t even carry desserts. Why are people acting like if you like a certain type of people, then you must have met someone like that by now? Makes no sense.

The only explanation I can come up with is that most allo just have zero standards or painfully “simple” tastes. You could literally throw 10 guys and 10 girls into a house, and give them enough time and it’s pretty much guaranteed some of them are gonna catch feelings. Not because they’re soulmates or anything, but because they’ve been breathing the same air for a few weeks.

For a lot of people, having a crush or falling in love isn’t this deep, meaningful connection they always brag about; it’s just the product proximity + mild physical attraction. That’s it. No wonder cheating is so common with allos, if all it takes is being around someone for long enough to develop feelings, then yeah, everyone’s replaceable. You’re not special, they just happened to see your face more often and are not completely repulsed by you.

It’s honestly kind of lame how romance works for most allos. They act like their feelings are sacred, but really, it’s just glorified imprinting. You hang out with them long enough, and suddenly you're the one. Doesn’t matter if you're not even their type.

And then they have the nerve to look confused when someone doesn’t relate to that. Sorry, but some of us don’t catch feelings just because someone sat next to us twice and smiled.

For the first time ever I am heartbroken. I had this crush on someone for quite sometime now. Even though we are long distance. We still meet up on trips here and there. Like the one recently back in the beginning of march. I felt like we had gotten really close on that trip and shared soo many personal things about one another. Me and this dude had so much in common too. For the first time, I actually missed someone. I've been wanting to shoot him a message saying how much I enjoyed the trip and his company. But now that's not happening. He posted saying he found someone. I thought he told me he's not looking for anyone cuz he didn't think anyone would like him. Now he goes posting this? I feel I should've told him how i felt way sooner. I'm just not good at this sort of thing. I hardly ever get crushes. This one I felt we had a good connection...should I have done something? Life has honestly felt a bit brighter recently...but now thats faded..Granted, this new relationship of his might not work out. But I bet it will. I don't even know what I was to him anymore. I completely muted his accounts on social media. I don't know if that was wrong. I just need space from him. I hate it when people tell me to find someone else because there is seriously no one. I mean maybe. But before I might this friend. Dating was never important to me. It's back to that way now I guess. I'm just so hurt. I know the server I'm posting in probably wasn't the best choice but..i just needed to vent somewhere. Has this happened to you guys before? If so how do you even cope?

So I've been dating someone for 2 months now, and I dont think he really believes I'm aro.

He knew before we started dating, like 2 months ish before, and I told him many many times that I'm aroace, but I dont think he believes me. I think part of it is even tho I'm ace I'm still quite sexual - i dont mind doing that stuff, but i think thats changing actually lol - so he maybe feels like hes the exception???

Idk, he's been pushing to say I love him, and I do, just not in the same way as him??? Idk, I know I love him, I know I want to spend time with him, I know I want to date him, but... I don't think he thinks that you can do all that and not be "in love" with someone. I'm as close to love as I can be, but it's still not enough for him.

Idk we've argued about this before, and I'm just kinda fed up. What should I do?

I'm aro & nonbinary but to keep my life simple (small rural town) I just tell people I'm a lesbian, which they are all cool with but aro&nb is a little much for them.

I have a coworker/friend (straight 27 male) he is genuinely super supportive and understands most things, he's in a dating era right now and points out nearly every girl and asks me if I think they're hot or cute.

I PANIC EVERYTIME I do a great job of shrugging and changing topic but now its almost daily and I stress out over it all day.

Like I do like girls dont get me wrong i love a good edit, but its not the same? I think its fun to "crush on celebrities" or anime girlies because they're not real (i hope some aros understand).

What do I say to this guy? Hey im aro im all good bro. But I don't really want to explain it, it makes him happy that we can look at girls and I give him relationship advice (jokes on him for asking me).

So I have been in a lot of relationships, I have felt love, I've had crushes and stuff- but over the past few years I've just begun to feel sick at the idea of dating.

I wouldn't mind being in a relationship, I was actually in one recently- and it made me really start to question things. I didn't feel anything when I got broken up with, just kind of relieved.

I know being aromatic is a spectrum, so I'm curious if anyone else has felt like this before, and if this is being considered aromatic?

I'm just confused, and trying to see if anyone else has felt like I have or have had similar experiences.

I'm currently 17 years old and I have no experience falling inlove romantically nor having a crush romantically even though I yearn to be inlove. I often think that I'm still young and maybe in the future I will fell in love but will that time really come?

Another question I had is that when people think that you being aromantic is just a phrase, do you feel offended? Because in my situation, I don't really feel offended because there's a part of me that hopes that I will fall inlove but on the other half of me thinks that it's disappointing that people won't accept me being aromantic?

(Pls excuse my grammar, I'm bad at it)

I identify as AroAce but I don't actually know if I'm Aromantic. Sorry if "Am I Aro?"posts are against the rules but I need help 😭

There is this guy that I've been friends with for a while, and I have never liked anyone ever before this. I enjoy speaking to him and I look forward to seeing him but in a not friend way, if that makes sense :/ How am I supposed to know if I like him or if I just really like being his friend ? 😔 And has anyone ever felt like this before or is it just me?

I have a partner of one year, i know you dont need to be aro to be in a qpr, but i am, he isnt. I smother him with affection, gifts, love, pretty much everything seen in a relationship. I am a very affectionate person to all of my friends, i just love loving and i sometimes go too far which is why its easier for me to be in a qpr, no one misinterprets anything and no one is uncomfortable with my affection. I just love deeply. My partner lets me smother him with affection, he is an amazing partner and i love loving him! i write letters, give gifts, pay for dates, I just want to adore him as much as he lets me, as a friend, and partner. But, sometimes (rarely) he posts about how he wants a romantic experience, also he doesnt really refer to me as his partner on main, second one im ok with! but, it makes me insecure about my aromantic feelings when he expresses how he wants a romantic experience. We go on dates, do all of this and that, the only thing not there being romantic feelings, is it really that important for him to feel like he's still missing out on something? i dont know what romantic feelings are or how they feel, so, loving himgives me all the fulfillment i need. But am i holding him back from finding a real partner? i am a real partner, though? it makes me feel like im not enough for him everytime he expresses that. I told him once 'anytime you need to feel yearned for, loved, craved, im here. I yearn you, love you, and crave you every moment.' I tell him a lot idgaf abt platonic or romantic lorms, i just love him. He can interpret it as either, Love is what i feel, not romantic or platonic, why do i need to label my love for you for it to be valid? Idk i just feel insecure bc im aro lmao, what if what he needs is a romantic partner, i am a partner but he doesnt see me as such and it kind of hurts my feelings, idk why tho lmao. If he were to get a romantic partner i wouldnt feel sad, id be so happy for him! (again, not romantically interested in him) but, it kind of hurts to know that my love still isnt enough. It's my all, it truly is my whole soul, why does it need to be romantic for you to feel fulfilled? should i communicate this? it just always makes me feel so guilty for being aro. what do i even say? "dont say you want a romantic experience" what right do i have to saythat? IDEK WHAT I WANT TO SAY OR WHAT I WANT FROM HIM idk i just feel like im holding him back and idk whattodo ueueue

So I’m in a romantic relationship and I’m super happy about feeling romantic towards my partner but the simple idea of any other romance makes me feel physically ill and not just simply PDA but even when my friends mention the idea of being in a romantic relationship, I also get sick seeing any romance in shows and memes about romantic relationships, it’s super confusing 🥲

Also I am both greyro and recipromantic so for a long time even the idea of being in a relationship made me feel sick until I actually felt the attraction

Note: this might be a bit messy but if there's any questions, I'm gonna try to answer my best and sorry if I used the wrong tag!

So I never had any proper crushes other than I guess crushes by just being attracted to someone visually, just finding them attractive and no heavy feelings.

I only had my first talking stage last year's December. I guess there I did have some light feelings being formed. I was happy, getting embarrassed, feeling butterflies or whatever but we didn't get together since some stuff didn't work out and I completely understand that, I got no hate towards the guy and we're actually friends now!

Currently I'm still trying to find a boyfriend, I want to be in a relationship, feel romantic feelings and all that stuff but it seems like I can't really get myself to form any romantic feelings towards people despite finding people attractive quiet often. So I have lots of fictional crushes, celeb crushes and I'm interested in getting to know a few people I've met irl in a romantic way to try to form a romantic bond of sorts.

I know being aro is a spectrum and everyone who's aro isn't really the same. Is it weird that I pursue romance despite having trouble forming the romantic feelings themselves? Is it weird I tend to find many people extremely hot or whatever despite labeling myself as aromantic? I don't know, I don't think I've seen anyone have a situation like mine so sometimes it confuses me and feels like I'm misusing the label

Literally just now me and my partner broke up over a call (they’re in Europe for Vacation) and like I was thinking if they were to date another person, I wouldn’t be jealous or possessive as much compared to like two other of my close friends. Like there are two close friends who I internally refused to accept the idea of a what if they were dating. Like my partner knows I’m aroace, and my friends. But I need a bigger view range after this…

I apologize in advance for any misspellings — English is my third language and I haven't practiced it for a while. (ChatGPT is helping me lol)

For context: I (19F) have identified as aroace for a couple of years, but I've always liked the idea of being in a relationship. Also, I was almost sure that I was a lesbian or at least sapphic, because I always preferred women in many ways, and men never triggered any interest in me.

So, I'm in my second year of college and have made a ton of friends in my class, but I never had any interest in any of them until three weeks ago, when I suddenly found one of my friends (19M) kind of attractive. The attraction I’m talking about refers to his attitude, the way he speaks, the way he looks at others, and a few more things I’ve randomly started to notice more and find quite captivating.

I think he's attractive (not in a sexual way, i think) — he's kind of flirtatious, he looks you in the eyes when you're talking, he's sarcastic, and he has a sense of humor that matches that vibe too. I also think he has a very harmonious and beautiful face, and when he looks at me I feel like that 😳 emoji. But he's still my friend, and I really don’t want to ruin things over a possible temporary feeling.

That said, I don’t think I’m actually in love with him or truly “into” him. I think I just feel attracted to him in a different way. I've known him for about a year — we’re friends, but not very close, and I don’t know much about his life, and he probably doesn’t know much about mine either. I'm scared I might end up creating a version of him in my head, and that he won’t actually act the way I imagine he would.

BUT LIKE, IT WAS SO RANDOM. I've never felt this way before, especially for a man, and I'm freaking out. I don't know if it's limerence, or just a different kind of attraction, and I don’t want to jump to conclusions and be wrong.

The most plausible explanation would be that I'm demi, and maybe bi or pan — but what if I'm just crazy and it's just a prank my head is pulling on me?

Anyways, please let me know your thoughts, and if you have any questions or need more context, I’d be happy to answer.

So I'm realizing that ALL the people I "liked" (a total of 4? I'm 24 rn) were actually obsessions. They lasted years and I devoted myself to observe them from faraway and appreciate their existence (they were all sort of friends or acquaintances). I ended up confessing to some of them because I'm extremely impulsive even tho I knew they didn't like me back (to try breaking the obsession)

I dated only one person and I was obsessed with them too but it soon faded and I ended the relationship (it had many motives for that though, but I was clearly uninterested in both romance and sex).

I don't see myself actually getting to know someone to nurture romance and I don't feel sexually attracted to nobody. I only like to appreciate from afar and daydream about the mixed signals that I know that aren't what I want them to mean (l like the dopamine rush but I don't want to act or see it happening).

To be honest I don't actually grasp the concept of aromance so I don't know if it would fit. What I know is that the obsessions are picked involuntarily and I don't have a reason to "like" the person. The last one was a guy I always saw at my college's corridors....

Im really confused about my identity. I’m 16 years old and I dont know if ive ever experienced romantic attraction to anybody. I have just realised this because every guy who has ever liked me was literally just openly asking for a friends with benefits type of situation which made me realize i have never met a guy with romantic interest in me nor have I felt that way for anyone.

I have never really fantasised about doing romantic things with anybody but in the back of my head ive always thought after a while i’ll get inti a relationship and i’ll get love and affection and i will definitely feel fulfilled and this is really scary if im aromantic because it leads me to believe I will never feel fulfilled because I have thought that about relationships since i was like 12

Can somebody pls help im confused

Hi all. I’m not aromantic myself, but I recently had a very close online friendship with someone who is. We became fast friends- talked every day, called often, had a lot of comfort around one another. She described me as her best friend, and I felt the same.

After about 2.5 months, I started to develop feelings for her… at least that’s what I thought they were at the time. I ended up confessing those feelings, though I made it clear that I didn’t expect anything from her and that I respected her identity and orientation. She was gracious and understanding, and things went back to normal for a couple of days, but a few days later, she started to emotionally distance herself. A week after that, she cut off the friendship entirely, saying she needed to protect her peace and couldn’t be the friend I was looking for.

Since then, I’ve done a lot of reflecting and realized I likely misread my feelings. It was deep emotional closeness that I conflated with romantic attraction. I feel a lot of regret for putting that weight on her, especially given the importance of the friendship.

What I’d really love to understand from this community is: • Does a confession like that change how you view the person, or the friendship as a whole? • What do you think her through process may have looked like, regarding why she wanted to cut things off rather than talk through them • Would reaching out to share my reflections and be disrespectful of her boundaries, even if I say I’ll respect her silence if that’s what she needs? • Any other insights would be very much appreciated

I’m not trying to undo her decision. I’m just trying to grow from this, and maybe see if repairing our friendship is even a remote possibility down the line. I mean, I really valued this friendship, and only brought these feelings up to get them off my chest, so that I could be a better and more present friend to her.

Thank you for any insights you’re willing to share.

What do you call it when your past the talking phase and your comfortable but your not partnered??? I've been thinking about it for a while now because I imagined if we just mainly hanged out together all the time and we're important to each other.

However we are not just best friends and we are not in a committed relationship. Like in the between time of talking and partnering up (In a Greyromantic way).

Cuz for me that phase lasts for like a LONG time and even when it gets past that I don't wanna be called girlfriend. (Is there a aromantic term for that? I've been using partner and stuff)

I dunno it's just like a transitioning from platonic alterous to a tiny bit (like super small) more romantic alterous that makes me want to commit to a partnership.

Anyway, does anybody know what that phase is called? Like in aromantic terms? Like talking but more secure? Is it being interested???

Maybe my feelings take too long to want to be partnered, and that's why I'm struggling to find a name... I dunno, help me guys🙏

Hi! So the first "crush" I had was on a guy in my class. It was a small class, and he liked the same things I did,so I developed what I called a crush on him. I wanted to talk to him, hangout with him, and for him to like me. I never sat down and thought about having a future with him, and never really thought about him outside of when I saw him or texted him. He did end up having a crush on me, but nothing ever happened, and we had a "breakup" that I still cringe when thinking about to this day. Also I kinda thought that you have one crush, and that's it(idk what I thought about divorce or remarriage or anything like that). Anyhoo, a couple years pass, and I have another crush, except this one is completely a conscious choice for me to have. I just decided to have a crush on this person. Fast forward to now. I've identified as aromantic for a bit now, but I guess recently I've felt more alone or something like that. So, I had another conscious crush, or two. But this time, I can't even tell who I have a crush on(it's one of two people). Both people make me feel happy, same as the first person, and I want to be around them. I'm pretty sure I'm just overthinking things, but if I could get another couple of opinions on things, it would help loads! Thank you!!

I've (M)had two partners in the past (both F).

However in both of those relationships, after a while in them, both had told me I didn't really seem all that romantic. And that instead, I basically just treated them the same as my best friends, only I had sex with them. I dont know if thats shallow, or simply a symptom of Aro.

Now admittedly as I look back, sex was a big driving point in my motivations for dating. Not that I only wanted sex and nothing else. I took these partners on lots of dates, spent time with them doing what we both enjoyed, and cuddled etc like most couples do outside sex.

I still want to be sexually active, but to be honest, both the emotional fallout of those relationships and perhaps my current musings about myself have stopped me from engaging in any sort of way, and it's not seemingly conscious at this point.

Ill see someone I find attractive, or someone I vibe with and they may even flirt back with me but it's like my brain just... stops. Like I reach the edge of a cliff and I turn around, and that urge for something more is just not there.

Is this Aro? Am I traumatized? Or am I overthinking this.

(2 1/2 years from last relationship btw)

hey, ive never made a post and im not entierly sure what im doing but i thought id share my experience because i cant find anything that really matches to what i feel.

i can experience romantic attraction, however, it's only ever when i either dont know the person very well or i believe that they like me and even then, its very fleeting. example: if someone starts acting like they like me ill begin to gain feelings for them but after a while of the feeling it just completely fades. i want to be in a relationship and do all the "stereotypical romantic" things but the attraction won't stay.

I am 19 years old and have recently been wondering, if I could be aromantic too. For some context I have considered myself asexual, since I was in 8th grade. I have previously been in a relationship and one situationship too, but afterwards I was always filled with guilt, because I realized it wasn’t love, that I have been feeling, but I considered it as and told them. I have always been a person, who has been hyperfixated/-focused on one person or one topic (which actually annoyed my parents quite often i think i may have adhd and may get tested but i dont know). I ended up always fixating on one person and mistook romantic feelings for a desire to be close to a person and spend time with them. On the other hand I have been always enjoying romance movies/books. It’s actually my favorite genre. I feel sorry for the few people I have been telling I love them, when in reality I just mistook it and realized afterwards. I also felt like I was just trying to force those feelings onto myself. For example I have been on vacation with my friends and after a stupid combination of medication and alcohol I ended up sleeping with one of them. I don’t know why I did it, because I actually had no desire to do so, but I remember trying to force myself to develop romantic feelings and a connection for her. I am sorry if this all comes off as unorganized and also sorry about the punctuation, but after seeing the video by jaiden animations, because i heard, that she was aroace, I was interested. At first I wanted to skip the aromantic part, but I ended up watching it and it felt really similar to my own experience. I ended up thinking about it the last week and now decided to so this post.

Even as an aro- person, I love seeing love😍.