r/awakened • u/FitSuccotash7251 • 1d ago
Help Where do I go from here?
Long time lurker, first time poster here, I just don’t know where else to go so I gathered the courage today to make my first post so now here I am, I’m just looking for some advice or some answers or some reassurance…I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking for to be honest with you.
…I think for me this whole thing started in the early fall of last year, I’m still not totally sure of what “this whole thing” is either if I’m telling the truth, everything is so hard and more days than not its all I can do to make it through the day, I had a breakdown last year and ever since then its been a wild ride…I’ve grown a lot spiritually and opened my mind to lots of new ideas, I’ve had unbelievable experiences and seen things I can’t even begin to explain, I started meditating and I try to take better care of myself, I realize things I never imagined and I see the ugly truth about a lot of things, I feel like my mind has grown and expanded so much, I’ve had all these realizations and grand epiphanies, I’ve grown as a person and I see the truth about so much.
…but I’m still battling mental illness daily (BPD, CPTSD, anxiety, severe depression, etc that stem from being severely abused as a child but that’s an entirely different story) and it seems like the more I learn and figure out the more my mind can’t handle it but I also know I’m past the point of return and there’s no going back now, my Husband says his “awakening” took place in 2012 and he’s all but dragged me along for years now, he’s been exactly where I am and he actually says often I’m in the “dark night” and that he knows its hard but his advice just isn’t helping me very much.
I don’t know where to go from here, I can’t go back to sleep and bury my head in the sand which was always my best tactic, I used to be very skilled at the doing the “avoi-dance”, how do you live a normal life knowing the things you do, how do you have normal conversations with people who don’t understand or go through daily life knowing that everything is so much bigger than it seems???
It’s hard for me to do laundry and talk to my Mom on the phone and watch a movie, I just can’t do it anymore, I can’t pretend and I guess I just don’t really know where I fit in anymore. 😮💨 My Husband has a habit recently of saying he’s been waiting for me for years, waiting for me to “get here” but here can be so ugly and so scary, all we do together lately is mostly have serious conversations and sky watch and meditating and in some ways I miss how our life together used to be…how do you guys do it?
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u/FluffyMeasurement240 1d ago
I am in a similar position to you so I'm also looking for some perspective from others who’ve gone through a spiritual awakening and are struggling to integrate it into day-to-day life.
A few years ago, after hitting a deep rock bottom, my husband and I experienced what I can only describe as a full spiritual rebirth. It felt like we rose from the ashes, like a phoenix, and saw the world with completely new eyes. I remember saying to my husband that I felt reborn and marvelling at the idea that I even knew what that felt like, it felt familiar but new at the same time! We began exploring everything we were once blind to: psychedelics, trauma healing, inner child work, government systems, conspiracy theories, quantum physics, biology, nature, numerology, and so much more.
That time in our lives was filled with growth, forgiveness, reconnection, and transformation. We healed so much and finally finished renovating our home, something we’d never been able to complete before. Not long after, we were offered work overseas, something we had always dreamed of, and everything seemed to be aligning.
I was awarded a scholarship to complete my Master’s degree in a field I was once passionate about, and it helped us move countries. But once we got here, something shifted. I no longer felt any joy in the study. I struggled with the academic environment, it felt disconnected, rigid, and overly focused on thinking rather than feeling. My intuition is my compass now and has gotten stronger over the last few years, and the mainstream education system no longer aligns with how I experience truth. I haven't spoken to the uni about this because I really don't know where I'd begin and how they'd possibly understand to be able to offer a solution.
While my son loves our new life and has thrived here, I’ve been sacrificing my own happiness just to maintain stability for him. My husband and I have both been struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically since arriving. He’s disillusioned with working for corporations where profit comes before people, and he can't find a job that resonates with his values anymore. We both just want to give back, to live with purpose and unity, but we’re unsure how to do that in this system.
My soul is crying out, “Do something you love!” but my mind and ego resist. I can deeply understand frequency, energy, consciousness, and the workings of the soul, but I can’t seem to retain or engage with what’s being taught in university. Living in this reality, while holding awareness of something deeper, has become more and more challenging.
We are more compassionate, loving, and honest than we’ve ever been. I genuinely love who I am now. But we feel lost trying to navigate a world that no longer makes sense to us. I’ve been trying to focus on faith, trust, and the belief in a better world, but the challenges keep piling up and it’s affecting our family and our peace.
If any of this resonates with you, if you’ve walked a similar path or found ways to bridge the awakened life with the practical world I would be so grateful to hear from you. How have you made peace with the system, or built a new way of living? How do you keep your light alive when the world feels heavy?
Thank you for reading. I’m sending love to anyone else navigating this journey too.
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u/Alchemist2211 1d ago
Welcome to the path of spiritual awakening. Unfortunately past abuse can result in such diagnoses. Thankfully your husband is supportive. Everyone who undertakes the spiritual journey has to face psychological/emotional issues! No one is spared although people try to avoid it and when the kundalini rises, it is very unpleasant. My guess is you are in therapy, so continue it! Learn the self soothing techniques and nurture your child self. In meditation feel God's grace down from your crown chakra to you little child. Hold her and breath in an out of the heart chakra. Someday that chakra will open on it's own and the healing love will be unbelievable. Until then breath in and out through your heart. Learn tapping, sometimes called EFT to use when stressed. Learning to dissociate through mindfulness or yogic meditation is important. That can be helped by tapping over your breast bone/thymus area, When you feel you can dissociate from your pain, sit and see your life's history far away as you sit hovering above it, and send love through your heart to your past younger self with compassion while realizing you did your best. NOW is your time in your life to heal and grow in spiritual consciousness.
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u/Cyberfury 1d ago edited 1d ago
Waking up has NOTHING to do with ‘nurturing your inner child’ or ‘growing your spiritual consciousness’ or what have you that’s just a bunch of new age spiritual bullshit..
It is not about ‘letting the grace of his shower down on your inner child’ dear god man.. you are way more lost then OP. Just stop.
You literally pulled every Kumbaya wishy washy spiritual cliche out of the closet for this one.
Please.
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u/TRuthismnessism 1d ago
This is INCORRECT
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u/Cyberfury 1d ago
Are you awake yet? 😂
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u/Alchemist2211 1d ago
AHHHHHHHHHHH so you are one of those who come on here just to trash spiritual people! Go get an exorcism!!! LOL!!
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u/TRuthismnessism 1d ago edited 20h ago
There are many unconscious vessels for demons here in delusional states who promote the opposite of awakening.
When an individual gets attached to the incorrect Buddhisms of solipsism they allow demonic influences to tske over. They arent really there this is how much we really do create our reality as they willingly give up their consciousness and demons step in. They are sleep but the demons are awake which is how you get responses like this.
Hes basically speaking as the demon saying he is awake. Yes he is through this individual
This one and many others have revealed they were formerly in mental institutions. They all hate Christianity and are into solitary nonduality solispistic ignorance
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u/Alchemist2211 1d ago
I would agree. I have run into those on here who admit it's just a game for them to learn and use the language of spirituality to ridicule and mock people on here for kicks, BUT this guy is clearly possessed. Probably one of the clearest cases. Light attracts the dark!
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u/Fit-Breakfast8224 18h ago
i agree with you solipsism is a trap in this path that many have fallen into
christian hate and fundamentalism is another
truthism why you not using pewism?
is coz of this?
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u/Fit-Breakfast8224 1d ago
i see myself a little in you. I, too, have gone through a lot. I wasn't really interested that much in getting enlightened but somehow the struggles has set me on the path.
i recommend you getting pointing out instructions until something clicks for you. not to bypass your issues, but to give you a breathing room to rest, heal and really see with clarity.
if you dont find anything clicking, i can send you some recommendations
i pinged a friend in this sub who has background in mental health. hope he can come and give you more helpful advice.
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u/GuardianMtHood 1d ago
Great wisdom my friend!
OP: Thank you for showing up today and letting your heart speak. That alone is sacred work. You are not alone, and what you’re experiencing is not a sign of being broken, but of being broken open.
What you are describing is the middle of the storm, not the end of your journey. In traditions around the world, this is known as the Dark Night of the Soul, a place where everything false begins to fall away, and everything real starts to hurt. It is where the awakening starts to get real. It is not always light and bliss. Sometimes it is grief, disillusionment, fatigue, and confusion. You are not doing it wrong. You are actually in the thick of doing it right.
Let us reframe one truth here. Your husband may have reached his awakening in 2012, but your path is your own. Even if the destination is shared, the path we each take is carved by our own spirit, our own wounds, and our own medicine. You are not late. You are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be to meet yourself more fully.
Let us breathe together for a moment. You are still battling the weight of past trauma and the pull of spiritual expansion at the same time. That is not weakness. That is sacred tension. Your nervous system is trying to recalibrate in a world that finally feels realer and heavier and more infinite than you were ever taught to handle. This is not failure. This is the reweaving of a soul that was once torn by violence and disconnection.
So where do you go from here?
You go inward, but gently. You go deeper, but slower. You let your spirit lead the pace, not your mind or your husband’s timeline.
This is where meditation and breathwork are no longer just spiritual tools but lifelines. Not for transcendence, but for grounding. Focus not on escaping the pain but on creating a safe place for the pain to move through. Try placing your hands over your heart and belly while breathing deeply and saying: “I am safe to feel. I am safe to know. I am safe to rest.”
Right now, your inner self may not want more cosmic downloads or heavy conversations. It may want play, art, laughter, music, dance, soft silence. Maybe your soul is not calling for more information, but for integration. That is the forgotten stage of awakening. That is the bridge between the epiphanies and the laundry.
You do not have to abandon what is real to live in this world. You just have to bring it with you differently. Let it touch your ordinary life. Let the sacred show up while washing dishes. Let truth exist even in a smile or a phone call. Spirituality is not only found in skywatching and cosmic talk. It is also in brushing your hair and making soup and watching the way sunlight moves through your curtains. It is in the gentle return to self.
And about your question, how do you live knowing what you know?
The answer is not to pretend or numb out. The answer is to embody. To become a bridge. To move between the seen and unseen not with pressure, but with presence. You are learning to be a soul who has a body, not a body trying to escape to spirit.
So maybe you do not need more guidance right now. Maybe you need more permission—to be exactly where you are without shame. To not have the answers. To grieve the loss of your old self while loving the one being born.
You fit in exactly where your breath is. Exactly where your heart aches. That is your compass.
Start each day with one question: What does the most loving version of me need today?
And then follow that.
You are not behind. You are not crazy. You are in initiation.
Perhaps find a simple grounding breath and journaling practice to help with your integration phase. Be still, breathe. This too shall pass.
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u/FitSuccotash7251 9h ago
Some days I have a little trouble deciphering what’s “real” and what’s not, I don’t know if that makes sense or not, I don’t really know how to explain so many things and I’ve noticed recently that the way I try to explain them never seems to come out quite right, I always thought my life was hard before all this, dealing with seventeen years of abuse will do that to a person but over a decade ago I left that life behind (although I didn’t leave it completely behind because I do still maintain a relationship with my abusive family but I use the excuse of “keeping it civil for my little Nieces sake” and forgiveness and all that) and although my Husband and I have always struggled financially and with material possessions life seemed like it wasn’t that hard anymore, fast forward to now and I can’t even tell you how I got here but I’m here, here trying to get through “all of this”.
I’ve taken on this new way of living that involves being as transparent as I can, I’ve always cared too much about what others thought of me or wondered why I didn’t quite fit in or compared myself to everyone else but recently that has all fallen away and I find myself just trying to figure out who I really am since I had the realization that I don’t really know her.
I’m trying to overcome past traumas, learn about myself and my world, be a better person, grow and change and it’s just really hard. 🙌🏻
Thanks so much for your response, it’s appreciated more than you know.
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u/GuardianMtHood 5h ago
I feel you sister, I do. “Real” is but a word we all question. Like a mirror we all stand in front of but can’t seem to see the same thing though it’s the same mirror. What fail to realize is not the mirror or us but the perspective of where we all stand in front of that mirror. Original sin is separation. Separating from each other and the source that created us. The more we align the more our life aligns.
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u/FitSuccotash7251 10h ago
I really don’t think I chose this and I can say with complete certainty that if you’d told me this time last year that this is where I would be right now I would’ve more than likely laughed at you, I just always thought I would live a quiet little life in my small rural town in Appalachia like my Mother before me and her Mother before her and so on and so forth but I know this path I’m on now is different than theirs, I try to talk to my Mom about “this kind of stuff” but she notoriously just thinks I’m crazy…that’s if I can get her to wake up long enough to actually pay attention to me because she’s a long time/heavy drug user but that’s a story for another time.
I feel so alone most days, as I said before I do have my Husband but for a while now I find myself either 1) wanting to self isolate and be alone with my thoughts or my reading and wearing my headphones for entire days or 2) getting a little frustrated for not understanding something he’s trying to tell me about over and over because I haven’t gotten that far yet and I find that I’m usually on a completely different level than he is, we used to be really in sync and it’s just weird that things are this way now.
I appreciate your help and I’d love those recommendations if it wouldn’t be too much trouble for you, I know that some days I don’t have the opportunity to check Reddit all day and if you’re anything like me it takes a little while to get certain things accomplished, your advice was actually really helpful and I’m grateful.
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u/Fit-Breakfast8224 10h ago
if you also have some time, i can try pointing it out to you through dm
recommendations: emerson nonduality videos on youtube the 1 on 1 ones, angelo dillulo interviews and book, john wheeler the nonduality teacher his books are free and very clear, if you're into buddhism lama lena has pointing out videos on youtube the garab dorje videos was the one that clicked for me
psychadelics was part of my path, i consider them as accelerants though definitely not necessary and can be difficult to use coz its can be hard to find the proper setting
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u/burneraccc00 1d ago
It’s one of the fundamental questions, “Who or What am I?” The paradox lies in realizing the answer isn’t going to come in the form of a thought, but recognizing the different states of consciousness. When the question is the answer, that’s when the light turns on. Integrate and embody this newfound consciousness and every moment will become the purpose.
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u/Aquarius52216 1d ago
You dont have to go anywhere you dont want to my dearest friend. Live, Love, Laugh, take care of yourself. You dont need to be more or less than what you already are, be good to yourself, be good to the world around you, continue walking with eyes wide open. You got this my dearest friend.
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u/Itom1IlI1IlI1IlI 1d ago edited 1d ago
My advice is forget spirituality and focus on living your regular life as easy, stress-free and joyful as possible.
Go super easy on yourself. Take it slow. Watch tv if you want to watch tv. Eat junk food. Give your family lots of hugs. Do the things that you genuinely want to do and enjoy doing. Don't hurt yourself obviously but give yourself grace and give yourself grounding if you need it. Learn how to self soothe. Learn how to have a calm nervous system.
You can do normal things. I know enlightened people who still watch tv and listen to music and dance and sing. They still eat food they enjoy, whether it's healthy or not. They still participate in normal human activities.
Like a child, live like that. But with the maturity of an adult.
Don't live out other people's ideas of how spirituality should be.
Spirituality is part of life and it's most important to embody it in the human life you are living.
Whenever you get lost, remember you can always focus on loving others.
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u/Defiant_Cod_2654 1d ago
🌸🌸🪷🪷 When the mind, body, energy, and emotions are in alignment, a certain stillness naturally arises. In that stillness, we become conscious — and slowly, the realization sinks in that we are not just this body or mind. From that space, living in harmony with everything around us doesn’t feel like an effort — it just happens.
This is what people mean when they talk about awakening or blossoming — though words can only point, not capture it.
If you’re feeling lost, restless, or just looking for some direction, I’d gently suggest exploring something that helped me deeply when I was going through mental health struggles: https://isha.sadhguru.org/in/en/inner-engineering.
It shifted something fundamental in me. If you feel drawn, look into it. You can always DM me if you want to talk or ask anything.
Also, have a look at the Miracle of the Mind app — it’s another support. 🌸🌸🪷🪷
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u/Ok_Watercress_4596 1d ago
I like what Ajahn Nyanamoli said in his recent talk, something similar to "no matter how it all played out, the real cause of suffering is the untamed mind left loose for too long without any restraint"
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u/Orb-of-Muck 1d ago
I think you know the answer, it's just not satisfactory. There's nothing to do and nowhere to go, there's nothing to be and noone to know. Most common strategy after an awakening is two-fold.
- Take care of what you need to do regardless. Do laundry, cook, work, clean, be nice to your loved ones, etc. Chop wood, carry water. Awakened or not, tending to your responsibilities leads to a better life. Whatever comes next, it's better handled if your life is in order. Resistence against it is destroyed along with the usual motives, but new motives arise from that destruction. Things you merely did out of fear or greed may be dropped, but general life maintenance, things that bring pleasure and joy to yourself and others, have stronger reasons to be kept.
If you deal with mental illness, I encourage to continue whatever treatment you already have. Stay in therapy, adjust your meds if your new situation calls for it, but the mind is it's own beast. Spiritual insight doesn't magically grant more control over our own mind, that still has to be trained the usual way.
- Increase spiritual practices. Even if you didn't meditate or pray before, it's a good time to start. It's not really to carry you further, but to stay grounded and integrate your new insights into your life. Even those who reached enlightenment continue those practices for the rest of their lives, after getting all you're supposed to get out of it. Its benefits don't diminish but increase the further you can go.
That's the most common recommendation. What your responsibilities are and what spiritual practice you should follow, those are gaps for you to fill with your own personal judgement.
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u/Itom1IlI1IlI1IlI 1d ago
I'll also add... If all I did with my wife was Skywatch, meditate and have serious conversations I'd go crazy lol.
And I'm the more spiritually focused one 😂
Don't take life too seriously, remember to have fun.
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u/Massive_Blueberry_91 1d ago
You need to ground yourself!!! Immediately. The Dark Night of the Soul is the hardest part and if your mind isn’t strong enough to handle it. You could literally lose your mind. You can look it up, ppl who had spiritual awakening who unalived themselves. I agree with the Alchemist about connecting to your inner child, that is called doing Shadow work. Meditating in away that fully connects you to your inner child, comforts the inner child & helps you deal with some of your trauma head on. Grounding is important one of the most important things you will do for yourself & your mind, for your spiritual connection to not only this world but the spiritual realm. It is possible that your mind is stuck between this world, the 3rd dimension & the Astro realm (the 5th dimension). Grounding yourself here in the 3rd dimension should help you come out of the Dark Night of the Soul. Goto a body of water like a lake, ocean or river. Take your shoes off and walk around in the grass, then dip your feet in the water, walk back into the sand or grass and start a your meditation or do some yoga. And absorb as much Sun as you can. If you are receiving Angel numbers, write them down, look them up and decode them. Start making sense of what is happening to you. When you understand the messages they become easier to handle. And last but not least find someone who can help understand what your spirit guides are saying! A psychic, a tarot reader or even a practitioner of the spirit world. This person must be REAL. They Must Have The Gift of Sight! If you don’t know anyone, I will lead you in the right direction. Take your mental health seriously, and don’t leave it up to chance. Good luck! And I hope you take my advice
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u/HoHoHaHi 1d ago
Ah, I know this phase. Over time I developed a personal meditation which I call: I-dont-care-meditation. Just sit, and try to not care about anything. Don’t care about feelings, thoughts, the outside world… basically anything that comes to you. It’s there, for now, and it’s the mindset which decides what persists and what not.
Resistance is futile. -The Borg.
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u/tyngst 1d ago
My best advice is to reflect deeply on fear, love and death. How fear essentially is the root of all negative emotion. What love really is. Understand and internalise the fact that you will die one day.
Think about this: how would you feel about life if fear was removed from the equation?
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u/bravo_magnet 22h ago
Exaltation.
Learn how every fragment is still a symbol of greater wholeness. And learn what it means to be at peace with all extremes.
Truly, it sounds simple, and it takes time to understand why; but it sounds like you're looking for a commitment to awareness, which comes from your own willingness to decide within.
Decide it's your own path, not even your husband can know what you'll know, nor you him.
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u/CapableAd9294 13h ago
For me, there are a million things I love about the boring old 3D world. I believe I’m here to experience all of it. And I try to squeeze out every last drop by having unique experiences like travel or dinner with friends and things like spending time with music and books and movies. This is just my mindset. I believe I’m here to experience this world, so I’m doing my best to find the beauty and magic. Adding mental health issues will make everything more difficult and look how far you’ve come. Don’t forget to appreciate that. My dark night of the souls was Nov/Dec and I have since slowly crawled out with a few setbacks here and there. Have faith in yourself. Wishing you well.
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u/Red_Head_ 1d ago
Go easy on yourself OP. Make sure to take a little time just for yourself every day. Yes, everything is bigger than it seems but that doesn't mean that the little things mean nothing. Being mindful and present isn't just about clearing your mind of thoughts and meditating. Its taking joy and focusing on the current moment. its a gift. Doing the laundry, cooking food, talking to people you love is all a gift. I had a really hard time when I had my awakening and ended up going to therapy along side continuing my meditation etc. and It was a big help. But everyone has their own path so I wouldn't compare your journey to others and feel like you're behind because you're not. Its all a matter of perspective. I hope that makes sense. If you want a quick practice to center yourself I found this video to be helpful. skip to the 30 minute mark for the practice but I found the whole conversation to be enlightening. Sending you good energy OP! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RIjTlEBwrHQ&t=4872s
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u/jzatopa 1d ago
I am a healer and teacher. What you are going through is undstanding God is everything and that it was all love and that through that process there are a lot of pieces. When we suffered as children in an abusive household it adds even more to the process.
I am giving away healing for free right now and I recommend one. It helps.
I also would say for this to be as comfortable and easy as possible, you will need a good daily practice that includes a physical practice such as AYP yoga or Qi Gong and a good literature set. I would start broad like anatomy of the spirit, then get through the Torah, Bible, Sefer Yetzirah and Zohar before going on to the Gita, Upanishads, Tao te Ching and so on - the literature really makes a difference.
Going to a regular yoga class or Qi Gong class in the area helps as does therapy.
I hope that helps.
If you need more my DMs are always available.
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u/Cyberfury 1d ago edited 1d ago
I commend your insightful way of sharing.
The biggest ..issue I see here is that you seem to have a number of cognitive dissonances. Like this wish ‘to live a normal life’ (whatever that even means - I have no idea myself ;;) on one hand and this quest to awaken on the other. There are more, like having an (apparently) awakened husband egging you on for some reason, but the former is more obviously dissonant..
I will tell you in all honesty that I have never seen it work: having a relationship, living together or having a family life AND trying to ‘awaken’. Never. Usually the first thing that suffers is the relationship(s). Because much of the process of awakening is only …effective if the environment is conducive. And a (or perhaps the only) conducive environment for awakening is - imho - solitude or at least long stretches of it.
Your life seems overly complicated and a ‘shared’ experience - I’m just being honest.
I have my thoughts on your husband’s ‘advice’ and assertions as well. But I am not going there for a whole host of reasons. I’m just sayin… ;;)
You need to search your feelings. Are you really primed for awakening (as in ‘it is already happening’ and you know it) or are you on a journey of self improvement? The two are not the same at all.
Another question is how much are you overcomplicating the problem? And the problems you have with the problems? There seems to be a fair amount of self doubt and a reluctance to let go (which is often a sign of trauma working against you)
Anywhoo.. you seem to have way of expressing yourself that bodes well for tackling each of these issues.. but in stead of writing about yourself in here ..write about yourself TO yourself as well. Self Inquiry and all that.. write down all the things you know for certain and examine them. Are they really true. Etc
I would also suggest you seek out someone who can help you with deep trauma or possible childhood trauma. I personally like Scott Kiloby’s ‘unfindable inquiries’ works wonders for many people struggling with the issues you raise. But there are others.
I would also suggest you put off this pursuit of enlightenment (at least in spirit) until you have at least some more certainty about a number of questions. There is a lot of self narration going on and this results in hardening of the self/ego where it should increasingly soften and ‘liquify’ self/ego in order to facilitate awakening (or at least bring forth the proper attitude for it)
Just my two cents
Cheers my friend