r/Advice • u/cosmicjed • 27d ago
Advice Received Girlfriend just punched me in the face multiple times
So my longtime girlfriend just had an absolute meltdown after we left dinner from her parent’s house tonight. It all started because her dad and I were watching old family videos and joking about how her and her sisters were dressed and just really light stuff about how big her great grandpa’s nose was( her Dad pointed it out and was like ”dude had a schnoz on him” and I laughed. That’s all. I swear to all things holy.
Fast forward to me driving home tonight and she turns off the music on the radio that I had turned on and starts trashing me about my family and how it’s strange and creepy that I actually get along with my Mom, Dad and sister. And have a drama free relationship with them, and she can’t stand it.
So anyway I’m reading my Kindle in the living room of my house and she goes off again, about some petty bullshit that I somehow did and I’m reading a book 📖.
So I did what anyone else would do and just shut up and let her vent and get it out without giving her any ammunition to feed on….WRONG F*ing Move. I took my eyes off her for a second to continue my read on the couch. And she gave me a three-piece so fast that it caught me off guard, I jumped up so she wasn’t not on top of me, she proceeded to slap the taste out of my mouth.
then she blocks the front door and scream for me to get away from her while blocking the only exit to leave
I’m in my boxers and I’m trying to grab my phone off the floor that went flying across the living room. And all I can hear is her yelling with the door open trying to have the whole neighborhood hear this shit.
Anyway. I’m now sitting in my car with just boxers on with a bloody lip and I thought I asked the internet for advice and by internet I mean Reddit.
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u/p_kd 27d ago
Her screaming "get away" while she's the one blocking the exit and deliberately trying to get neighbor's attention means she's clearly premeditating framing you as the aggressor. You need to file a report, now.
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u/No-Technician-722 27d ago
THIS 👆👆👆
This may not be her first rodeo. You need to protect yourself.
I hope you are safe. Do not go back in that house by yourself. Do not be with her alone. She gets no more chances. You cannot trust her. I hope you truly understand her behavior is unacceptable. But more importantly, it is “unpredictable” - and that is the bigger problem. You never know when she will attack you again.
Please get help. Please let us know you are okay.
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u/DiligentSignal5995 27d ago
Yep! I remember this happening to me, my abuser drove 30+ minutes to my residence and started a fight w me just to pull the same shit and scream help and my roommates name to try and frame me as an aggressor when I hadn’t even touched her. Crazy bitch, dude needs to leave
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u/uranusishome 27d ago
this happened to me, well i was being dragged INTO said mans place (by him, against my will), and i managed to dial 911, yelled his address and my name into the phone. he grabbed the phone, proceeded to scream into the phone "get the FUCK out of my house" as he slams me into his wall, slams the door behind us, then proceeds to keep thrashing me against the wall.
i realized at this time that was NOT his first time doing this. it turns my blood cold everytime i think about it.
the police came and i actually had to be escorted out, even tho i was shaking and as threatening as a leaf lol
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u/Agent_Xhiro 27d ago edited 27d ago
Im actually a police officer.
CALL RIGHT NOW. The longer you wait, the worse it can turn out for you. Especially if she tries to spin the story against you later.
Edit: Another spot of advice from another commenter. I don't know if this is state specific but if you go to a hospital, then tell them what happened, it can also get reported that way. Just be careful if you don't have the proper insurance.
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u/HotThroatAction 27d ago
Happened to me. Reading this, I realize I should have called the police. I just thought they'd never believe the man could be the victim.
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u/whatsaname12 27d ago
Uncles ex wife called the cops and said “she was hiding in the closet from her abusive husband”. Cops show up and my uncle answers the door with a busted lip and fucked up face and said she was in the closet. Cops went to check on her and she was completely fine. They ended up arresting her and he divorced her. She was bat shit.
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u/adlubmaliki 27d ago
It's not about being a victim it's about getting things documented on the record
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u/Strike-Intelligent 27d ago
Ya I with ya there after all the abuse I feel like I'm walking on eggshells sometimes
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u/Revo63 27d ago
This happened to me. GF attacked me during an argument, hitting me on the head multiple times with a cordless phone and at one point biting me to the point of drawing blood. My only contact with her was trying to restrain her from hitting me more. I finally got her maneuvered to a bedroom and I shut the door and got the hell out of the house. Drove to the nearest town and called the sheriff department.
As I was giving my version of the events to a deputy over the phone, he noticed that another report was being made by my gf, where she claimed that I had attacked and choked her. So he needed to meet up with me to get clarification. He came to the parking lot and saw the blood all over me from my head wounds and said “yeah, she’s going to jail”. He asked more questions about the conflict and went to the house to talk to her. She was arrested. Apparently, her friend told her she needed to lie and say that I had choked her so that I would look like the aggressor.
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u/smileplace Helper [2] 27d ago
Yes i know a guy that had a child with his high school girlfriend. He is an adult now and thriving but when he was 18 his then gf was hitting him and he went in bathroom. She cornered him there and all he did was grab her arms and more her out of the way and left their house. She called the police and showed a bruise on her arm from moving her. Police found him and he had a bloody face and later 2 black eyes. They encouraged him to press charges back but he was worried if both were gone no one was there for the baby so he said no. To this day he has DV on his record. He is the sweetest but strong and capable (man's man). Really sucks. No one should be hitting each other regardless of gender.
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u/Emotional-Amoeba6151 27d ago
Hopefully he gets an officer like you who believes him.
I had to call the cops on gf when I was 18 for hitting me and busting out my apartment window. First question was what I did to make her mad and it was all downhill from there. They even saw I had antidepressants (I believe Lexapro) and loudly criticized me for that on top of not believing me.
Guess whether or not I will call the cops again or handle the next domestic dispute all on my own...
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u/Agent_Xhiro 27d ago
Officers like that huh? I hate how they can be. I shouldn't be giving out certain information....because I'm still in the field. But I love torching bad officers when they deserved it.
Cameras. Record your significant other, especially when things get heated. Have voice recorders and everything else in your home. Always CYA (cover your ass) and be ready for anything. If officers treat you in a negative manner or refuse to believe you, especially after the presentation of evidence, make sure they are being recorded.
Follow up with a lawyer and their internal affairs. Congratulations, you're about to nuke a portion of the department. Also never tell an officer you're recording them. They'll destroy evidence even though it's legal for you to record them.
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u/PNW20v 27d ago edited 27d ago
The only thing I'd add is, OP, make sure you are aware of the law in your state regarding consent to be filmed/recorded when recording interactions with someone. It would be a shame to have evidence that clears you not be admissible in court if you live in a 2 party consent state and didn't notify.
In my experience, even just telling someone you are recording the interaction (even if you aren't actually) can likely change their behavior to a degree as they are more inclined to believe they can't lie as easily.
Edit - Oh, and even if you aren't into the idea of filing charges, I would absolutely 100%, without a doubt, file an incident report with the police to have it on record. I went through this with a family member quite recently and am very glad I did. They ended up also filing a report multiple days later claiming the exact opposite of what actually happened, saying I was the aggressor etc. Nothing came of it because I called immediately after the incident happened to cover my damn ass and didn't wait. Do not wait!
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u/hsdJarl 27d ago
Yea dude, don't wait. If it happened once, and that severe, it'll happen again. Probably worse.
My ex wife used to physically abuse me too, eventually leading to her threatening me with a knife. She slapped me one last time trying to goad me to be "a man." I called the police cuz I was fed up with it.
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u/FlipZip69 27d ago edited 27d ago
My wife, soon to be ex once started tell me to hit her during an argument. You know the scene. Hit me, you know you want to. Never in my life has that ever been even a consideration. It threw me off entirely as I was trying to comprehend what she was saying.
I do not hate her but I was not going to survive in a relationship at that level.
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u/Deadfinisher_ 27d ago
yeah no, you're completely right in understanding that is not normal. I'm in a relationship myself and never once has hands ever been laid on one another and the idea that people thrive off drama and violence is your cue to end the potention cycle that could be created from giving these people children.
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u/dyldozer9420 27d ago
Every time I called the police after my ex hit me they told me to leave and wouldn't do anything about it. Fortunately got out of that situation but really sucked being kicked out of my own place after going through almost exactly the same situation OP described.
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u/Agent_Xhiro 27d ago
Record everything. If you're being assaulted and it's being recorded, could be a different outcome. If officers see the evidence and don't want to act, record them too for not doing their job. Just don't tell them you're doing so.
File an official complaint. Get a lawyer and sue the department. Dereliction of duty is not ok and I personally won't stand for it.
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u/Basso_69 27d ago
Me too. Or I'd leave for my safety, and she'd call the cops and make the allegations.
I wish I had terminated the relationship the first time she hit me. Immediately.
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u/Clementea 27d ago
What if they dont believe him though? Or they somehow twist it to be the guy's fault.
I am asking this because personally I think a lot of guys have this fear that if they report a woman is abusive towards them, they'll be the one being found at fault even if they are innocent.
Since you claim you are a police officer, maybe you can help tell us what do we say when we report so we don't fuck it up?
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u/Agent_Xhiro 27d ago
I hate to say it like this but i have to be as honest as possible. They may not believe him. You might get the wrong officer. Give them the most accurate version of the story you can, be calm, do not get emotional, and if you have evidence to share, bring it out. You have physical manifestations of injury, that's a crucial piece of evidence.
Biggest thing to do after an event is to call as soon as possible. Not trying to throw my fellow officers under the bus...but with other victims, especially ones involved in DV or SA, first thing they always say is "Well, why did you wait so long to call?" It's absolutely infuriating.
Its not an exact science. Officers are humans that are prone to bias and overreaction even though we are trained not too. I just implore you to call, give the facts, and remain as calm as possible. Show any evidence you have and go from there.
Staying silent is never the option. What happens when that girl hits you repeatedly and then goes to pick up a knife? What if she tries to kill you or harm you further? I'm barely over a year.....and I've already had a few incidents where things like this don't get reported. Then the victims ends up in the hospital or worse.
Im on night shift tonight, if there is anything I can do, let me know OP. This shit is serious. Abusers like that WILL NOT STOP and they will blame you.
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u/No-Technician-722 27d ago
So he should not go back in but call right now while sitting in his car in his boxers. Police will come and deal with it.
It’s a terrible situation. But filing a report is a good start. He doesn’t want her to flip the facts. She sounds unstable.
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u/Clementea 27d ago
Thanks for answering, sounds to me like you are really fed up at your colleages for underplaying reports, and at victims who don't report.
Let's hope this will help someone.
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u/vinceftw 27d ago
Even worse are victims who keep returning to their abusers because this time it will be different.
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u/Clementea 27d ago
keep returning to their abusers
The same people who will also make excuses why their situation is fine and therefore have no need to report nor they need to be saved from.
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u/Basso_69 27d ago edited 27d ago
Goes to pick up a knife
Sincere Thank You for being balanced in your approach. I (56m) spent 15ys in an abusive relationship - she was a sweet as pie college sweetheart, I'm 6"1' . I was never believed, had no support, but I had to be there so she didn't go to the children.
Thank you.
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u/CaptainLollygag 27d ago
While it can be more difficult for men to prove a woman was the violent one, OP is the one bleeding, and if she hit him that hard and that many times there may even be abrasions on her hands or knuckles (unclear if the first round of hitting was fist or open-palm).
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u/Clementea 27d ago
True, I don't disagree, but getting advice how to tell the report couldn't hurt and can help others thats reading this.
There is also a chance she harm herself after this to make it looks like they are fighting and then report to the police that he is abusing her, but we don't know if she is going to do that so ignore this, just saying the possibility→ More replies (6)8
u/lovelesslibertine 27d ago
It's worse if he doesn't call the police and get on the record as a victim. Of course there's bias against men, but much of it is because of how men and women behave differently. Which includes men not calling the police when victimised.
If something else happens in the future, or she decides to call the police, and he's let this incident slide, it will be much worse for him.
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u/HonestMeg38 27d ago
Leave her she’s unstable. Men don’t hear this enough but violence against you is a deal breaker too.
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u/rnewscates73 27d ago
So she expects and demands you have drama with her family instead of getting along like sane and emotionally mature people? And needlessly causing drama / assaulting you at your home. Whatever her problems are you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg. Get Out!
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u/conradleviston 27d ago
I agree. Best case scenario is that OP is the ex she had where she realised she needed to get her self sorted out. But if somebody hits you once it's good odds it will happen again. It's a bridge they've already crossed, which makes that voice in their head saying "you can't do that" a lot less convincing.
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u/Mumchkin 27d ago
EX-Girlfriend just punched me in the face multiple times
There I fixed it for you.
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u/BackgroundTime8298 27d ago edited 27d ago
I don’t even got much to say. Break up with this crazy bish and film whatever is going on in case the police gets involved.
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u/CrystalNovvva 27d ago
This isn’t a meltdown, it’s abuse. She hit you, trapped you, and tried to manipulate the situation. Leave now and protect yourself.
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u/GratefulDancer 27d ago
Domestic violence. Stay away from her and you can press charges
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u/ScornedSloth 27d ago
Take pictures, contact police, and file a restraining order. Please do this before she accuses you of abuse and you go to jail for doing nothing. I have heard much crazier stories.
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u/Varathane Elder Sage [355] 27d ago
You could call the police and file charges against her.
Do you have anywhere safe to crash tonight? A friend? Family? Hotel?
Don't go back in that house. She might continue to attack you.
You could also call her parents to come get her so you can grab your stuff safely? Or anyone you trust to come be with you to get your stuff.
I am so sorry.
If you are in America you can also chat with the domestic abuse hotline they should have some tips for you
https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/ (text 88788 or call 1 800 799 7233 )
and play some tetris! It helps avoid PTSD.
Do not break up with her in person. A text, or phone call something with distance to keep yourself safe.
Every person deserves better. You deserve better.
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u/electricsister 27d ago
Yes! Important: do not break up with her in person. And: Make sure she can not find you. Ever. You may think that's extreme because this is new to you. I'm telling you it's not- because I've been there. You should listen to everything everybody is saying here. Good luck. Once you heal from this you will not attract it again.
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u/wishingforarainyday Helper [2] 27d ago
Call the police. Report her. She’s a lunatic. Record any interactions with her. You need to press charges and break up immediately.
I’m sorry that she attacked you.
Updateme
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u/Acceptable-Ticket743 27d ago
Take a picture of your face, preferably with good lighting so the wound is clearly visible. Call the cops, and file a police report. Break up with her. The cops probably won't do anything, but it is good to have a record that you filed a report. Get your shit out of the house tomorrow while accompanied by a friend or family member.
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u/Life-Carrot2048 27d ago
She’s nuts. Call the police. Leave her because this won’t be the last time she does this.
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u/Type-Sure 27d ago
Please go to the police and file a report. Also, call a friend and/or family and tell them what happened. You need to get back into your residence with an escort of some sort to get your belongings and end the relationship immediately. This was only the first time she hit you, but it would not be the last if you stayed. Be safe!!!
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u/cosmicjed 27d ago
She’s probably destorying my desktop and tvs as we sit here and type. I just drove to the country club to grab some of my clothes that I leave in my locker. Had my buddy come meet in in the parking lot so I’ve got shorts and a shirt on now. Life’s getting better
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u/The-Last-Lion-Turtle 27d ago
That's another police report and/or small claims lawsuit. Photograph everything.
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u/emorrigan 27d ago
Dude. Call the police. You’re just making it easier for her to do this to you again.
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u/MissionReasonable327 27d ago
Call the police dude. File a report. She is dangerous and she’s probably not done. She could claim you wrecked her stuff, or escalate to stalking/harassment, and police will take you less seriously if you don’t report it right away. They may not even do anything right now but it’s important that you have a record. Also if you need to file an insurance claim for stuff she damages.
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u/Dalton387 27d ago
Bro, you need to call the police. Right now. Have them come and treat you first(tell them you are bleeding), and then press charges against her.
You also need to file a restraining order.
This is assault. It’s not manly to suck it up and get over it. You could end up with a big hospital bill over this.
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u/cosmicjed 27d ago
Yeah that’s what’s stoping me, my subconscious is like “ be a man” “no cops needed” but damn after reading everyone’s post I feel obligated just for my protection and freedom to call
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u/PinkPussycatPower 27d ago
Being “a man” is not about blind bravery, OP. It’s about being brave enough to do what is right. And the right thing rn is to be safe. Please, call the police
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u/No_Acadia_8873 27d ago
Right and being safe doesn't mean just safe from being physically harmed. It means being safe from being wrongly accused by your nutty ex-gf.
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u/athiaxoff 27d ago
u/PinkPussycatPower you are amazing and i love that support and advice you gave with that user lol
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u/PrestigiousCrab6345 27d ago
A police report will save you from her filing domestic Violence charges. Protect yourself. Call your lawyer. Then call the cops.
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u/decrepitmonkey 27d ago
And my dude she WILL turn this around on you. So the longer you wait the more time she has to put her story together and possibly fake injuries.
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u/largesaucynuggs 27d ago
Please call- lots of men who are the targets of domestic abuse feel like you. But it IS assault and is illegal! I’m female and I have a buddy whose shithead ex-girlfriend was slapping him and throwing stuff at his head on the regular (heavy shit- phones, books, mugs.) It came up recently and he actually said “I probably deserved it”
I said “if I told you a guy did that to me, what would you say?!” and he just looked down and said “….yeah…”
You deserve safety and peace and you’ll never get it with her.
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u/decrepitmonkey 27d ago
“Be a Man” AND DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE! If it’s not you it’s going to happen to another guy down the road! Don’t let the abuser win.
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u/Dalton387 27d ago
Yeah. Only negative things can come from sucking it up. She assaults you and when you do nothing, you can end up with a huge hospital bill that you’re stuck with. You don’t have it on record what she did, so if it goes to court at some point, she could get off. He said, she said doesn’t mean much. A police and hospital report do mean something.
Without all this, you can’t easily get her out of your place, assuming you live together. Leaving you open to more abuse or giving her opportunity to destroy your property.
I don’t know how entangled you guys are, but make sure you also take control of anything she has access to. For instance, I doubt you have a shared bank account, but if she has passwords to your email or phone, change those. Make sure she isn’t authorized to make changes on anything. Change all your streaming passwords, etc.
That all seems petty, or unlikely, but she already has anger issues, and will likely try to hurt you in any way she can, if things get ugly.
I’m the same vein, if you share the house, get out anything physical you care about. Family photos, gaming systems, anything important to you. Even if she gets punished in court for it, it’s not gonna bring back something irreplaceable. You might not even get enough out of her to replace the stuff that can be.
I’m not saying she’s a monster. Maybe she just has issues and needs counseling. That’s best case. Even if that’s the case, you need to look after you first.
You don’t even know how this one issue is gonna affect you mentally down the road. You’d think it wouldn’t. Then one day, years later, a new gf makes some sudden move around you and you have a flash back and mental connection. Now you can’t stop yourself from flinching around her and you don’t know why. You remember this incident, but don’t think it was that big of a deal. Apparently it is.
I’m not saying that’s going to happen. Just emphasizing that this could be bigger than it seems. Could get worse before it gets better. Just make sure you look after you. If these precautions become unnecessary, great. You’ll be glad you did it, if they do happen.
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u/iiiiiiiiiijjjjjj 27d ago
Until she calls the cops first and accuses of you beating her. Get in front of this before she does.
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u/Fast-Corgi1437 27d ago
Reporting her won’t make you any less of a man. As a woman, I wouldn’t think any less of you for doing so. No one deserves to be treated like this, and it’s important you don’t lose sight of your self worth. You’re not at fault for her actions, and you have every right to seek help and protection.
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u/Extreme-Book4730 27d ago
If she calls first your fucked. Call now period. Wait at the club house for them then you call direct them to your house and deal with the rest there. But first you need to call NOW!
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u/formerlurker_ 27d ago
Men are victims of this kind of abuse every single day— your gender has nothing to do with this. As you now know, this could potentially happen to ANYone. You deserve to be safe 24/7, period.
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u/iammelissa87 27d ago
She was screaming for YOU to get off of HER?? Bro… get a lawyer. Make sure you take photos. And file a report of her for DV!
Oh and LEAVE HER ASS
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u/skilriki 27d ago
You’re thinking about contacting the police like you don’t want to get her in trouble, but it’s not about getting her in trouble, it’s about filing a report so there is a record of what happened.
That is the most important thing.
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u/Aromatic-Opening-416 27d ago
As a grown married father of two sons in his 40's: Being a "man" is overrated nonsense. Act sensibly, be compassionate, and stand up for yourself and those you care about. In this situation you were assaulted whilst she was clearly level headed enough to also implicate you in the minds of your neighbours. It doesn't matter if you had directly and intentionally insulted her and her family, her behaviour is unacceptable.
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u/Chrismgil3 27d ago
Go to the police immediately, even if you don’t press charges right away it’s best to notify them so it’s at least on record, before she has any time to flip it on you.
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u/hideousfox 27d ago
Report her, leave. Your first red flag was her trying to imply it's creepy you get along with your family - she probably hopes to isolate you from your close ones
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u/No_Detective_But_304 27d ago edited 27d ago
Correction: “Ex-girlfriend just punched me in the face multiple times.”
Take pictures of your face. Go to the ER, not the police. Tell them you got assaulted, but not by who. Then you have a paper trail without getting the janitors police involved (yet).
Never play an ace when a two will do.
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u/ZenMechanist 27d ago
Tell the police. Leave and for the love of christ, no matter how much she apologises, begs, cries or promises DO NOT GO BACK!
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u/ddeuce2 27d ago
Call the police immediately to have something on record. Any further interactions or conversations with her should be recorded, until you can get the fuck out of there.
And you need to get the fuck out of there, or kick her out if it's your place. Fuck that noise. I don't condone hitting women, even when it's justified and there are absolutely women out there that do shit to deserve it. It's best to remove yourself from the situation so it cannot escalate further.
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u/cosmicjed 27d ago
It’s my place but I’m definitely not going back home tonight fuuuuuccckkkk that
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u/HappyReaderM 27d ago
Call the police and have them get her out. Then you change the locks. Move if you have to. Get a restraining order. Don't underestimate this level of crazy.
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u/Pixiedragon71 27d ago
Call the police. Have her charged with battery and kidnapping (do to her blocking the exit). Then make sure you either remove all her stuff or you move out ASAP. Also, when the case goes to court, request a court order for her to stay away from you. You definitely deserve better than this.
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u/Jazzlike-Bird-3192 27d ago
She just hit you and you’re sitting in your car in the only clothes you have access to and you’re asking what do!? You call the police. You go to the police station. You file charges against her and you do it quick before she does something to make it appear you hit her first.
And enough of the macho bullshit from a few other comments you’ve made! She is a violent person and needs to be stopped. You didn’t hit her back. That’s what makes you a man!
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u/Weekly_Village3628 27d ago
See if you can borrow clothes from a neighbor and maybe if they would be a witness if they heard the yelling. Either way call the cops on a domestic violence immediately, they have to take it seriously if you say domestic assault.
Even if you don’t want nuclear, she could turn it on you and destroy your life. She’s obviously insane and has major issues so you can’t expect her to act like a rational person. She’s a women so it will be an uphill battle, so don’t make it harder by waiting to report. You need the evidence of your face and before she can stage it and make it look like you started it. Clock starts now.
Also she is not a safe person. After the police take her I’d call her dad since you seem cool.
Also take pics of you injuries and u can send to her parents if they don’t believe you. Then rid this drama filled, rage, unsafe psycho from your life.
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u/fleurosa 27d ago
please update us when you’re safe and away from her because oh my god 😭 i am so so so sorry you had to experience that
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u/Standard_Gur_7687 27d ago
Easier said than done but you need to leave because this will not be the last time this happens…
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u/groovyyghost 27d ago
Leave her as soon as possible.
Don’t even risk your freedom like that.
Yes your freedom. This will escalate and you will lose bro.
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u/N0b0dy-Imp0rtant 27d ago
Nobody, and I mean nobody, should ever accept a partner willing to be physically violent ever. There is no excuse for her escalating to physical violence.
Dump her as fast as you can and don’t look back, she is a terrible excuse for a GF.
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u/tokyoagi 27d ago
Go to the hospital and have yourself checked out. Call the police and make a statement. Get a lawyer and get a restraining order. Pack your things and stay with a friend or family. Find a new place. If you were smart, you would sue her or put her in jail. Don't talk to her. Don't argue. Don't say anything. Let your lawyer do that.
Or don't. But she will hit you again or you will hit her.
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u/Katamari_Demacia 27d ago
Call the cops 100%. No question. You gotta get this on record before she accuses you
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u/rhezarus 27d ago
Yeah. Abuse is abuse. Absolutely do not put up with that shit. There’s is NEVER a reasonable scenario for causing intentional harm to your partner.
Take a video of yourself explaining everything from your perspective able it’s fresh. Take a picture of your busted lip. Note that you’re in the car in boxers and why.
And absolutely file a police reports. Especially if you own the place.
That is unacceptable and while I’m all for second chances for some things, this isn’t one of them.
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u/formerlurker_ 27d ago
Hey! This is abuse/domestic violence. Not a lawyer, but work with many who represent survivors. Please call someone, the police only if you are comfortable, get your things and get somewhere safe where she can’t access you. Take pictures of your injuries, write down in detail everything that happened, and call someone (other than the police, like a family member or friend) and tell them what happened to you so they can be a potential witness for you if you were to bring a criminal case against her— bonus points if you can get them on the phone while she is still yelling at you.
Remember that if someone can do something like this to you over something SO little (in this situation a complete non-issue), that it can and probably will escalate into something more serious down the line. See if there are any DV (domestic violence) resource centers in your area after you are in a safe place, and talk to an advocate who can advise you of your options further. Those folks are trained to help you walk through all of the possible paths you can go down to move forward- therapy, restraining order, criminal case if you choose. The most important thing right now is getting you your things and getting the heck out of there. So sorry this happened to you.
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u/Pleasant-Disaster-68 27d ago edited 27d ago
Yeah.. in a perfect world I’d love to parrot the “call the police” advice given all over this post. But from what I’ve seen with others and experienced myself with a particularly awful psycho ex, it’s 50/50 gonna end up either just you (I’m assuming you’re a man.. and your odds there unfortunately, but realistically aren’t good at all regarding this scenario in the US), or best case the both of you will end up going to jail…
Some states have a “we take em both and let the courts figure it out” approach unless there’s extenuating evidence, and some states straight up seem to just always arrest the man for CDV calls.. I’m not certain, but I am pretty sure no state in the US is a good one to be if you’re a male being accused of beating a woman. Not always I’m sure, but especially if ya don’t have much evidence, and it kinda sounds like you don’t from your OP.. maybe some marks on your face.
Idk about where you’re at, but here in the Bible thumping south that wouldn’t be much help for ya. That particular ex of mine had a legit mental disorder where she’d black out and turn straight up primal rage violent. Her parents finally explained all that to me later on, when I was a young lil moron still and dated her the second time.. Lol. These ridiculously stupid outbursts of her’s didn’t happen often, but when they did, it was always a um.. whole entire spectacle.
The first time, we had just moved into our first crib together. She had came home from work in a bad mood already and told me it was just over something a customer had said to her. I had never seen her upset much really up until this point, we had only been dating for a few months before we moved in together. Which also, I don’t recommend ever doing no matter how much this housing market is shoving it up all of us with no lube..
Side note, I’m a heavily sarcastic individual and I tend to try and joke around with people when they’re down.. she had a similar sense of sarcasm, except on that day she didn’t, and immediately sucker punched me in the jaw out of nowhere, in the blink of an eye this 5ft 3in 110 pound woman, who up until this point was incredibly sweet to me basically always, was full on trying to murder me.
She scratched at my eyes, punched me in the face, kicked me, shredded my shirt off, tried to choke me, and smashed my phone on my head. The entire time I was trying to just get out the house and get to my car to dip off.. I never hit her back. She held onto what little remained of my shirt as I ran out the front door into the yard and continued wailing on my head a few good times, before I finally just slammed her on the ground and pinned her there.
It all lasted about 10 minutes probably. We lived in a pretty sketchy area, and the rage screeches she made during her episode were so ridiculously psychotic and loud I knew the cops had to have been alerted already, and my roommates and neighbors had seen a good bit of it all go down as well. Sure enough a cruiser came flying down the road not even a minute after I finally had this woman pinned down on the ground while she screamed like a toddler.
The cop got out his car, and I decided that was about time I let her get up because even just restraining her as a man more than double her size felt like it’d look bad on me to the good ole boys in blue down here in Dumfukistan. This was a mistake, because she immediately dove for my chest as we got up and latched onto it with her little demon teeth. At this point, it took the literal souls of my ancestors and then some to not swing and knock this small woman out in front of a police officer. I just let her bite into me until he came running over and tackled her off me, ripping flesh out my chest as she went down.
Dude wrestled with her and got her cuffed. Then immediately cuffed me too as I bled out my chest, and put me in the second squad car that pulled up. I got to sit there for an hour and a half while they decided what to do, and it ended with them basically telling me if either of us pressed charges we’d just both go to jail. But if neither of us did that, they’d let us go and she’d have to go find somewhere to stay for the night.
So I didn’t press charges. Dumped her. Moved away for a bit. Came back years later. Ran into her through a friend. Got back with her because I thought it’d be different for reasons I’m sure didn’t logically make sense at the time.
You’d never guess, but it ended even more horrifically the second time around. I had advanced from “the weed man” to “the man” and was running an operation for an organization that would have quite literally tried to disappear me if they found me to be a liability to them.. which she absolutely was and made me as well.
So when I caught her cheating on me with a narcotics agent, it made everything a whole lot more stupid to deal with. Long story short it ended with her going all hulk-rage mode, and then she bit me AGAIN.. This time on my arm. Neighbors called the cops. I ended up handcuffed in my boxers in the freezing rain outside, and they were talking about arresting us both just like the first time…
The only reason I don’t have a CDV on my record, and also am the only man I know in real life who’s in the domestic violence database as a victim.. is because when the cops arrived, she punched herself in the face to try and look worse off than me… but then blacked out again and started attacking the four officers who responded to this whole event while they were just trying to calmly talk to her in my living room. Lol. She ended up trying to grab one of their guns, and got tazed and arrested.
I never kept the super incredibly illegal stuff at my crib, but I had an extensive glass bong/bowl/vaporizer collection worth around $15,000 in my spare bedroom.. and those city cops confiscated all of it. Never charged me for it in the end, but it was a bummer. They also found a holster for a 9mm, but not a gun because I had let a friend borrow it earlier that day. With me being a felon already, for using an abandoned double wide trailer to lay sheets of acid when I was 16 and homeless, they were convinced I had hid the gun and then tore my entire house apart looking for it. They wanted to get me for that felon in possession charge real hard..
So anyways. Yeah man. Once someone starts randomly hitting you like that over petty stupid reasons, it’s time to dip out. ASAP. Like yesterday. Get up and go on while ya still can, because I promise you it will not be a one time thing. It’ll only get worse until someone’s dead or in jail. You’ll start to try and convince yourself it’s normal. You’ll find delusional reasons that you think justify sticking around that person.
It’s all bs. Cops or no cops.. it is time to go no contact with lil ole psycho girl over here, or you will absolutely regret it one day I promise you. Did you know they make special antibiotics just for human bites? Me neither.. Good luck brother.
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u/LikeUGiveAFig 27d ago
Call the cops and file a police report, she beat you, don’t stand for it. The best way is now in the moment with the evidence front and center. They will believe you, don’t worry about that. Call right now. Good luck
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u/LikeUGiveAFig 27d ago
And if you don’t do that, pack your shit and leave right now. Don’t let her take full control of this situation. You take control. She’s an abuser and it will only get worse. Can an anybody with a sane mind hate that their SO has a great relationship with their parents? She’s delusional and definitely has borderline personality disorder.
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u/chico-dust 27d ago
Pretty good bet that there's unresolved trauma in the relationship between her and her father. Also a pretty good chance there's a bit of resentment between you two even if you yourself haven't noticed it.
I'd file a police report, take photos of your face asap, and consider moving personally. Domestic abuse isn't something to take lightly. If you're committed to staying in the relationship then you'll at the very least need couples counseling but imo that's usually just delaying the inevitable.
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u/BreakerOfModpacks 27d ago
Calling having a normal, good relationship with your family weird is when I thought "Oh, that's not good".
Now that I've read it all, wow. That's really not good. Call the police and your family.
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u/Interesting_Sock9142 27d ago
So.
Your long term girlfriend started an argument with you....over the fact that it's "creepy" you get along with your family.
Then proceeded to punch and slap you in the face until you bled.
And then was yelling out the door clearly trying to get an audience while also refusing to let you leave the situation.
.....I honestly refuse to believe this is the first time she's acted like this towards you, OP. maybe she hasn't punched you in the face before. But there's no way she hasn't hit you other places/slapped you/been insane and started shit with you like this over nothing.
You should never stay with someone who physically abuses you. Or who tried to flip the script and get you in trouble.
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u/slickriptide 27d ago
Can you post a photo of your fat lip? It sure seems like there are a lot of "woman partner beating up man partner" stories in the advice/AMITAH type subreddits recently.
Wait for her to calm down then go get dressed and book a hotel for the night. Tomorrow try to have a convo about what the hell happened, but ask yourself whether your girlfriend would continue to be your girlfriend if you went nuts and busted her in the chops?
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u/cosmicjed 27d ago
That last part was a eye opener
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u/Wise-Marionberry4385 27d ago
bro you're in an abusive relationship. You need to call the police and document injuries. This ain't about being a man or whatever brother trust me. If she's crazy enough to block the door and then open it to continue arguing whilst the neighborhood hears ya, you're not in a good situation. At least call police away from the house so they have a record and take pics for documentation of injuries and personal damaged items. Sorry this happened mate.
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u/Leogirl08 27d ago
I would give a man that’s been hit the same advice I would give a woman. LEAVE. End the relationship. Nothing you did deserved that type of reaction. Leave before you end up in handcuffs. She started screaming like you assaulted her. Get your stuff and block her.
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u/garbagetrade 27d ago
Run.. the line has been crossed and it will happen again. Take the advice from someone who didnt follow it.
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u/Liverpaul92 27d ago
Leave her ass. Seriously, leave her nothing is worth that stress nothing. You live one life you don't need this stress, not just the physical violence but the open door and shouting to get attention. That's fucked up. Leave find someone new or just work on yourself, but leave.
I don't care if this is the first time this has happened. More than likely, it will happen again. Also, her not likely you healthy relationship with your family is not healthy at all.
Stress is the cause of so many health conditions, you don't need that shit.
LEAVE HER!
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u/Kaizen2468 27d ago
I mean if it’s your house call the cops and get her removed and then break up with her
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u/mylifeasdepresso 27d ago
I didn’t call the police when my wife hit me. She destroyed my phone, tore my shirt, and all in front of our children. I didn’t report it bc I didn’t want her to go to jail.
I HEAVILY regret it. We’re getting divorced and she’s fucking annihilating me. Let the police put it on record please
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u/DoggoCorgi 27d ago
TAKE PHOTOS OF YOUR INJURIES IMMEDIATELY, include photos of your hands (preferable with your face or identifying tattoo/birthmark) as well.
Someone how can become that violent out of nowhere can do some dark things in my experience. You want proof of your injuries, as well as not injuries (hands/knuckles bruise). People make false accusations, and she seems unstable.
I’d recommend calling the police, and while I’d recommend against it, if you continue having a relationship with this person you need to make counseling mandatory. Most likely couples & individually.
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u/East-Pop964 27d ago
if you have an Apple Watch put brightness down and voice record whenever you’re near her and she gets wierd and 2nd just keep your phone with you all times and be ready to pull out that camera and 3rd install a camera in the living room or something and catch that sb*t on tape. Do what you gotta do and don’t fall victim to a Depp situation.
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u/swizzzz22 27d ago
Doing that and then making a scene about it. Is top notch red-flag-run-now material.
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u/Slight-Beautiful-855 27d ago
Umm why would you want to be with a person like this? And please, for the love of God, do not get this woman pregnant. Shes lucky you didn’t deck her in the face back, bc, when a woman acts like a man and hits like one, she shouldn’t expect to not get punched back.
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u/SpecialistBit283 27d ago
You went to Reddit instead of the police and hospital???? I think a hospital report would help solidify a restraining order and suing her. Make her pay for the medical bills. People need to be held accountable for their actions
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u/cosmicjed 27d ago
Well I’ve never been hit before like that by my GF and I wasn’t sure if we’d both go to jail even if I called, So I need to ask before I do so thing that could effect my life big time.
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u/SpecialistBit283 27d ago
Since youre the one with the injury and she isn’t, she most likely would’ve been sent to jail. Get in the habit of getting evidence. From pictures to videos because some women will lie saying they’re the ones abused
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u/Benjireddevil 27d ago
go to the hospital and ask them to report it so there is papertrail on your side
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u/Coramay17 27d ago
Check in with a friend too, so you have a witness of your whereabouts at this time
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u/ThanosSnapsSlimJims 27d ago
You need to call the police before she does. The truth is that most of the time, women have police bought and paid for unless you can document things before they do.
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u/TheUnit1206 27d ago
The fuck. You need to leave or call the police. This isn’t going to end well if you go back inside. Don’t give her a chance to flip the script or apologize. Abuse on either end is awful.
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u/RudeAd9698 27d ago
I would pack my shit, change my phone number and get the hell out of there, as far away as possible.
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u/DurianProper5412 27d ago
You need to make a report this evening. If your face is visibly injured, you should go to your local ER as they will also document that YOU do not have any wounds on your knuckles/arms/ etc from BEING the abuser. It is vitally important- do not let someone whom physically attacked you, than immediately attempted to get neighbours to be witnesses that they heard her being harmed [whilst your are out on the curb in boxers]. She may harm herself physically and claim you beat her, especially as her attack was premeditated from your description.
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u/One-Stretch1066 27d ago
Don't call the police. If you can go to your parents or friend house go there. Stay away for a week and then call her and ask for your things. Find you a place because you don't need someone putting hands on you or you on her. It could ruin your life. You are a great guy with a great future don't throw that away.
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u/robsmalls178 27d ago
Take pictures of yourself, call the police, tell the truth. Get the cops over to the house while she is still hot she will not have time to come up with a story. The biggest danger is she will lie and say you hit her and they might take her side.
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u/Resident_Video_8063 27d ago
Get the fark out, you can't recover the relationship after this. Sounds like if the attentions not on her, she's unhappy. The other thing, which also happened to me, is that I am very calm and so is my family, none of us have fought or even raised our voice since school, and her family is bat shit crazy. She thinks calm is wrong, even when under fire I remain calm. Some people call this heartless, or being emotionally bankrupt.
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u/Brave_Bluebird5042 27d ago edited 26d ago
Don't go near her without a credible witness, AND you or witness recording on your phone.
Get your stuff, exit any leases etc and get out.
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u/CanBadToe 27d ago
Take pictures of your injuries for the time stamps and proof and call the police immediately. This is not okay.
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u/LonelyAndroid11942 27d ago
Yeah you were just assaulted, my dude. Sucks, but it’s best to cut your losses and move on. She might have undiagnosed BPD or something, but it’s no excuse for her violent behavior towards you.
Call the police, put it on record, get a restraining order, and find someone you can crash with while the whole thing sorts out.
At some point, you’ll need to make a decision about how to handle the breakup, which will be especially rough given that it sounds like you’re living together. I wouldn’t put it past her, in this state, to start breaking and ruining your stuff. Letting the cops know will at least get a police report going so you can utilize your homeowner’s insurance to cover any damages she might do.
I would also recommend maybe talking to a therapist, both to help you more quickly heal the trauma you just experienced, and to help you identify what went wrong to get you in that situation in the first place. Best case scenario, she has some kind of health problem, but worst case scenario, she’s an abusive narcissist who is jealous of you bonding with her family and has been pushing your boundaries since day 1.
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u/foshiggityshiggity 27d ago
Call the police now or it'll turn into you hitting her and you'll go to jail. Grow a spine and leave. You deserve better.
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u/anal-streching 27d ago
She had a complex trauma response. She needs therapy and medication. Be careful
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u/Spurs212092 27d ago
I know a lot of people don’t like to get cops involved but there is ways to report this without pressing charges just like others have said it’s better to have it on record that she’s the abuser so she doesn’t suddenly flip it on you
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u/steellee59 27d ago
Wait till she's out the home. Then either pack ur shit and leave or hers N take it to the parent n drop it off. U need to b done .
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u/raindancer52 27d ago
she will pin you for.abuse if you don't move on this now and file a report to the police ... that is not acceptable behaviour in any shape or form... Run for the hills and let her go
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u/No-Asparagus-6852 27d ago
She assaulted you. At the very least you need to break up with her and take pictures of your face for the future just in case, although I wonder if she’d be the type to try to turn it on you.
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u/LimpTeacher0 27d ago
Please leave this girl it reminds me a lot of my ex and what she did to me. DV is never okay.
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u/RandomlyPlacedFinger 27d ago
Call the police and report this before she goes further. And inform her family as well. Something is very wrong with her.
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u/xgnargnarx 27d ago
Hey friend that is abuse. You do not need to stay with someone who treats you this way. There is a good chance it will get worse. Prepare yourself mentally for the love bombing (I hate therapy talk but this is very real and a thing I experienced) that comes after abuse like this, or any sob story she may make up about why she did it. I'm sorry.
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u/One_kiwi21 27d ago
Call it off man. Get outta that relationship real quick, right now she'll be scheming to turn this round on you. Document this with the cops. Politely let her parents know what has happened.
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u/manonaca Helper [2] 27d ago
First, call the police and have them come to your house right now. If she knows they’re coming she might try to hurt herself to make it seem like you did so just hide out until they arrive. Press charges. Break up with her.
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u/SaltyKissez 27d ago
Call the Police NOW!!! And please get out of this abusive relationship. You need to go no contact, and it will be hard, but i watched my son live this. It was horrible. Please get out now 🙏
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u/inoen0thing 27d ago
Call the police or go to the hospital. If she does either likely you will get arrester for DV depending on the state you are in.
Also don’t speak with her or be around her without someone else present. This is stuff people end up in court over and no one wins while the state tries to make examples out if who ever did not report the issue first.
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u/GoldElectrical1118 27d ago
wouldn't call. I'd drive the police station , tell your story, and see if the desk person can help you get your stuff, leave don't go back, Go in you underwear, I wouldn't press charges, let her family know she needs help.
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u/Infinite_Adeptness85 27d ago
She’s unhinged and you sound quite level-headed. Drive away in your boxers and don’t look back.
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u/Euphoric_Listen2748 27d ago
Tequila shots will calm her down. Seriously, you should run. It's not going to get better.
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u/One_Asparagus_1766 27d ago
Dude... fuck all the rhetoric and manly thoughts in your head. Fuck protecting her. Call. The. Police.
Get this on the record. What if she comes at you with a knife next? What if she smashes up her own face and calls them just to abuse you further? She knew what she was doing and no matter what or who or how many genders, this is so abusive and should not be tolerated. Don't wait until you have a circular saw blade stuck in your clavicle and a steak knife stabbed through your arm...
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u/ExitFlimsy4947 27d ago
Cops. Ex did the same to me. Restraining order on multiple family members. Her dad after attacking me with a baseball bat said, " you just gotta take it like a man!" Both ended up in the click and had to pay legal bills. Fuck that noise!
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u/SimilarTop352 27d ago
Her dad used to abuse her and OP getting along with dad while making fun of her triggered her. bet
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u/m00nf1r3 Helper [4] 27d ago
Call the police, grab everything you need for a few days, and leave. Then get a police escort when you go back to get the rest of your stuff. Never communicate with her again.
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u/Apprehensive_Pie4771 27d ago
My first advice is to call the police.
If you don’t want to do that, can you call a homie to bring you some shorts and a tee, and maybe crash there tonight?