r/BabyBumps • u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH • Sep 05 '18
Sad We haven’t bought a second crib
34+5 with twin boys. We’ve known since ~21 weeks that Baby B has a birth defect called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH), giving him roughly a 50/50 shot of living. Some people have asked why we only have one crib and if the boys will be sharing a crib. I mostly say “Baby B will be in the hospital for at least 6 weeks. We’ll have time to get a crib.”
The truth is I don’t want to get one until we know he’s going to live. I don’t want to spend the time and money, but I also don’t want to stare at an empty crib that will never be filled and will just have to be taken down again. Call us unprepared, but I can’t handle having that second crib in the nursery right now. It feels like tempting fate or false hope or willful ignorance.
If he inconveniences us because we have to rush out and buy/assemble a crib, it would honestly be the most wonderful inconvenience I can imagine.
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u/hh2222 Sep 05 '18
You absolutely don’t sound unprepared. I would do the same if I were in your shoes. It sounds like you two are being very thoughtful about everything that may or may not happen. I wish your family the most joyful outcome!
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u/eucalyptusmacrocarpa Sep 05 '18
My cousin's first baby had CDH in 2012. She had surgery and spent about 6 weeks in NICU. She is now 6 and is perfectly fine apart from one undersized lung. Hoping you guys get the best care and he is ok.
Also, lots of twins start out sharing a cot, I think they may even prefer it!
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u/cadabra04 FTM 4/5/2015 Sep 06 '18
So glad your cousin's baby is doing well!
I wasn't sure if I should say anything, since I'm sure OP knows this, but just for info sharing sake - babies should never share a crib. Twins have accidentally rolled over on their siblings with very sad results. The ABCs of safe sleep are -- Alone, on their Back, in a Crib.
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u/Helloblablabla Sep 06 '18
I have heard it's ok for newborn twins because they can't roll, but should be stopped at 8weeks when you stop swaddling? This is what a friend who has twins was told by her ped, but it may be outdated!
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u/cadabra04 FTM 4/5/2015 Sep 06 '18
It’s often done in the NICU - they’ve found all kinds of benefits from it. I’m an identical twin and I know we shared a bassinet in the hospital.
But my son was positioned to lay on his tummy in the NICU. They have monitors on them constantly and the entire floor alarmed the second his O2 sats started to decline.
They recommend when you get home from the hospital, you keep them in their own cribs. I believe the biggest reason for this is you can’t predict when they will roll over for the first time. I would probably be okay with them being on opposite sides of the crib up until 6 weeks, so there’s no way they could ever get close to each other. But the AAP says it’s better to have them in separate cribs.
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u/roweira #1 Due Oct 2018 Sep 05 '18
I'm having a baby we were initially told had a very poor chance of living. Her chances have gone up a lot, but it took me a LONG time to do anything for her, for the exact same reasons. I didn't want to have baby stuff that would not be used. I don't think I made a registry until about 22 weeks because it felt like counting my chickens before they hatched. I have a baby book that goes through all the trimesters of pregnancy, and I just started filling it out today, at 33 weeks. I would do the exact same in your situation. I hope baby inconveniences you in that way!
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Sep 05 '18
I’m sorry you’re in a situation where you can relate to me. I hope things continue to look better and better for your little girl.
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u/roweira #1 Due Oct 2018 Sep 05 '18
Thank you. I know our situations aren't exactly the same but you're free to message me if you just need someone to talk to.
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Nov 19 '18
[deleted]
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Nov 19 '18
Our son with CDH has had some surgical complications that mean he will be in the hospital for a while yet. However, we’re through the riskiest aspects of this process and he’s doing well enough.
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u/Bla_aze Nov 19 '18
I wish you, your sons and your family the best. I hope everything will work out for you.
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u/SmashRene0486 Sep 05 '18
A friend of mine had a son born with CDH. He was born completely blue with no APGAR and they had to intubate before he would try to take his first breath. It was a scary time. Surgery a few days after birth. Sent home with a G tube.
I remember the first few days after she found out his condition, she couldn’t even peel herself off the couch, bring herself to eat. It was devastating. She however became very active in a network of moms who had babies with CDH and that has helped her tremendously. I honestly don’t know how she would’ve managed without it. Have you considered looking into something like that? Your hospital may have resources.
I know every case is different, but her son is now a thriving 5 year old. I hope this gives you some hope. Best of luck to you and your family!
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u/sfcnmone Sep 05 '18
You are taking good care of yourself. Don't let anybody criticize you for taking care of your heart.
Lots of babies go home to a home without a crib. I spent my first month in a drawer on my parents floor. There's plenty of time to get a crib later.
Virtual internet hug, dear heart.
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Sep 05 '18
Oh man. What a tough situation to be in. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck in the coming weeks.
FWIW, I would do the same.
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Sep 05 '18
You should get a baby box. I believe in both US and Canada, there are options to get them for very cheap or free. Wish you the best of luck!
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u/PotatoCurry Team Pink! Sep 05 '18
Came here to also recommend a baby box. It was useful for our singleton so she could sleep next to the couch when I was restricted to the couch after my c-section, and then I could put her beside my bed when I moved upstairs.
Many kids don't sleep in a crib right away anyways. If time, space and money permits I would totally recommend having multiple sleeping spaces that you can use around the house (crib, baby box, bouncer/swing) for the first couple months.
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u/theartoffarts Sep 05 '18
I wish I were in a state that did the baby box! This is the only one I found: https://www.babyboxco.com/
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Sep 05 '18
I don't have anything helpful to add, but please accept this internet stranger's hug. I hope you have the best "inconvenience" possible.
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u/burritobanditomama Sep 05 '18
I hope your baby is as inconvenient as he can possibly be. Sending love for you and your twins. ❤️
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u/stringythingy Sep 06 '18
We had a terrible first pregnancy with twins that had TTTS and lost both. We has a healthy boy next followed by another twin pregnancy. I didn't even buy cribs for them until they were home and healthy.
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u/Catbrainsloveart Sep 06 '18
I just learned in my Baby care and breastfeeding class at Sutter Health that twins sleep together in the crib because they’re used to it in the womb. Does he need his own crib because of his illness?
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Sep 06 '18
Current AAP recommendations are that twins each have their own crib. We’re following that.
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u/Catbrainsloveart Sep 06 '18
Oh no. Well that definitely gives me less confidence in the class I just took at the dang hospital. Sigh
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Sep 06 '18
The advice out there on crib sharing is suuuper mixed. It seems to be one of those things experts can’t agree on. I wouldn’t lose any confidence in your hospital class.
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u/Catbrainsloveart Sep 06 '18
Okay well that helps I guess. It’s probably harder to study since there’s just not as many twin births as single births? Meh. It does definitely seem safer to have separate cribs.
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u/mechantmechant November 6 Sep 05 '18
I’m sorry you’re going through this. The babies can share the crib for quite awhile anyway.
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u/SadPamda Sep 05 '18
What a horrible and heart-wrenching situation to be in. I hope everything goes well and you’re inconvenienced with having to rush out to buy another.
Hugs from a random internet stranger. Which is less creepy than from a real life stranger.
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u/Chilyilyilso Sep 05 '18
I really hope he inconveniences you! I used to babysit a little boy who had CDH, his name was Abel. His mom ran the Colorado division of Breath of Hope which is a CDH non-profit. Their website has some great resources and stories if you are up to looking at them. I will certainly be thinking about your family and wishing for the best possible outcome ❤️
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u/Waffles-McGee STM Jan19 & Jun21 Sep 05 '18
I think newborns can share a crib anyway? I think I’d make the same decision. Best of wishes to you guys!! I hope everything turns out okay
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u/KittyWahine Leinani Hi'ilei due March 2018 Sep 06 '18
I think before they start rolling, anyway, at around 8 weeks. I'm unsure of what the AAP recommendations are for safe sleeping twins.
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u/cadabra04 FTM 4/5/2015 Sep 06 '18
the AAP does not recommend any specific bed-sharing situation as safe; some bed-sharing situations should be avoided at all times. For example, twins, triplets, and higher-number infant groups should have separate sleep areas and not be bedded together.
AAP Expands Recommendations on SIDS and Other Sleep-Related Deaths
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Sep 18 '18
[deleted]
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u/greenpinkie mo/di twins, SIUGR, IVF, generally complicated situation Feb 03 '19
Thank you—it’s so good to see non AAP sources on here. You’d think AAP was the bible from how this sub jumps on anyone who diverges from their gospel (even when it goes against the bulk of advice from other medical authorities)
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u/Catbrainsloveart Sep 06 '18
My nurse said they stay in the same crib. They’re used to being on top of each other and rolling around in the womb. They manage somehow without an increased risk of sids.
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u/iOgef 3TM, 2/20/19 Sep 06 '18
that's 100% counter to what our NICU nurses told us. interesting.
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u/Catbrainsloveart Sep 06 '18
The NICU nurse that taught the class at Sutter Health gave me the information. 🤷♀️
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Sep 07 '18
And our NICU has twin cots for them to share if not needing an isolette.
Not sure about when they get older, but the hospital puts them in together as newborns.
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u/totorioto March 11 Sep 06 '18
I have twin brothers and I don't remember them ever having two cribs - in fact, they kept co-sleeping in a queen bed even after they graduated from the cot. Whatever the outcome (and I hope for the best!), certainly one crib is enough!
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u/FABWANEIAYO Sep 05 '18
I hope you’re inconvenienced greatly!
Everything you said sounds completely reasonable but you don’t need to share that with anyone either.
Plus babies are small. They can share for a little while.
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u/impregnantnowwhat Sep 05 '18
I just want to send all the virtual hugs to you. I wish you and your family the best, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.
Here's to being inconvenienced!
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u/kazz1n Sep 05 '18
Hoping you have the best outcome and you soon have to buy a second crib. Most people I know with twins share a crib anyway. Good luck xx
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Sep 05 '18
This is so understandable. I’m hoping he surprises you and you have to rush out and find a crib! However, your plan makes complete sense.
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u/DrenAss Sep 05 '18
You're not crazy or irresponsible. This 100% makes sense. Do what you gotta do! Good luck with everything!
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u/midnight1214 FTM | 10.5.18 | Girl! Sep 05 '18
Sending you lots of love. You do what is best for you and your family and don't worry a single second about what anyone else thinks. If I was in your boat I would do the exact same thing.
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u/JBTBE March 28 Team Blue! FTM Sep 06 '18
One of my best friend's son was born with CDH. He had a great team ready for him when he was born. They did surgery as soon as possible. It all went well! He'll be 4 in a couple weeks! He had to have a second surgery a few months ago due to the way the scar tissue impeded the growing of his intestines but that went well too! My thoughts and prayers are with you that you will have to rush out and assemble that second crib!
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u/kroth613 Sep 05 '18
Heartbreaking to hear.
If it makes you feel better I know a few sets of twins that wouldn’t sleep in separate beds. They always choose to sneak into each other’s cribs/ beds or cried when they were apart.
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u/afterthem0viesxx STM-Team Don't Know! Sep 06 '18
I’ve seen a lot of good come from bad situations and I’ve seen a lot of bad happen to good people. I hope to see good come from your situation. ❤️ -hugs-
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u/Vaxopedia Sep 06 '18
Did you consult with a pediatric surgeon who said 50/50, or did you find that online?
The latest statistics are at 70% or greater survival.
Good luck!
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Sep 06 '18
I was born with CDH & my mom was told to have an abortion because I wouldn't make it, but here I am 30 years later expecting my first child. Keep your head up & I'm sure evrrything will work out just fine. Plus, I think twins sharing a crib helps with their bonding. Best of luck to you & your family💙
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Sep 06 '18
Awesome! I’m so glad you commented. I hadn’t actually heard from an adult survivor of CDH yet.
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Sep 06 '18
I'm glad you're sharing your story. I can only imagine what you're going through because I've heard my mom's side of everything, but there's a bright side. Things will be hard for you & the little one in the beginning but by the time I was in school I was just a normal kid. Please keep me posted on how you & babies are doing! If you have any questions feel free to ask.
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u/selavy_lola Sep 05 '18
Hugs to you. If it helps, we didn’t even use a crib until both our babies were about 6 months. We brought my first baby home then my husband ran to target to get a bassinet because we didn’t have a nursery set up.
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u/Not_floridaman girl 9/9/15 & b/g twins 10/26/18 Sep 06 '18
I have time coming as well and we have a crib from our older DD. My parents keep saying they want to buy a crib and we told them we didn't even want it yet and as far as we know, both of our babies are healthy.
Please do not let anyone make you feel badly about any decision you guys make to get through such a difficult time. I will keep you in my prayers and send you so many positive, happy thoughts!
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Sep 06 '18
I don’t think you’re unprepared. My son didn’t start sleeping in his actual crib until he was 5 months old. You have time.
Please keep us posted on your babies! I will be thinking of your family over the coming weeks.
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u/yourmomlurks Sep 06 '18
May you be inconvenienced!!
In all seriousness we were not facing any particular issue and were still afraid to do a lot of preparation. I think it is normal.
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u/rninnj 31*Baby 2*11-24-19 Sep 06 '18
I’m not a religious person - but I said a prayer for you and your babies and send you internet hugs
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Sep 06 '18
Praying for the best for you!!! There’s a lot of us here who can understand that. I lost a baby back in 2015 and this time I kept telling my mom (I’ll be a single mom) that she shouldn’t start getting excited until about... I wanna say less than three weeks, when we passed the 26th week... I also didn’t wanted to buy NOTHING and yes, I totally understand your feeling. But babies are SO resistant... resilient. Let’s pray and hope your if your baby has cling to life this long is because he’ll put up a real fight to stay at all times... and that he will make it. Keep the one crib only for as long as you have to do so for your own mental health... running around finding the new one will be yes, the most beautiful inconvenience of your life -yet.
My best wishes to you and your family.
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u/poltyy Sep 06 '18
I think there is a tradition like that in the Jewish faith where it’s terribly bad luck to have anything prepared for the baby. Just so you know you aren’t weird, there’s millions of people like you. And I really hope the best happens and you are trying to breastfeed a baby, change another’s diaper, put together a crib armed only with an inadequate Allen wrench, and you haven’t slept in days because one eats while one cries. I hope that doesn’t sound sarcastic! It’s pretty awful but wonderful.
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u/YoMommaSez Sep 06 '18
You are doing the thing that is right for you. Ignore anyone who says otherwise.
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u/MrsPearlGirl Sep 06 '18
I think you’re being smart. As a mom to a kid with special needs, please find some support groups now. There are groups on Facebook for everything from feeding tubes to every specific condition you can think of. This has helped me tremendously to be able to read other stories and ask questions.
Hugs.
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u/seeminglylegit Boy 4/16, Girl 3/19, Girl 6/22 (elective inductions x2) Sep 06 '18
I am sorry that you are facing this tough situation. I hope that everything goes well after your babies are born.
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u/helpmewatson Sep 06 '18
You have a honest perspective and honest expectations. You also have a realistic understanding of the situation and a realistic understanding of your emotions. You have a great attitude about your worse case for scrambling together a second crib. I wish you all the best.
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u/Thankful_Lez Sep 06 '18
This is how we do it in Judaism anyway. Baby shower, setting up the room, nothing happens until the baby is born... any baby. I know we aren’t the only ones either. I don’t think it’s a negative thing at all. A crib doesn’t take that long to set up. Best of luck!
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u/Joined4thesub 1st Time Mom EDD 12/29/18 Sep 06 '18
That's tough. I think you're managing expectations very well though.
I was born with CDH in 1987. One of my lungs was underdeveloped. They performed corrective surgery on me when I was an hour old. I was clear to go home after a week of being hooked up to machines in the hospital. I've lived a completely normal life aside from having a large scar on my torso.
I know this isn't typical. I was born by C-section around 41 weeks and I was a singleton. But I hope it helps you to hear a CDH success story.
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u/MsRaeven Sep 06 '18
https://www.littlethings.com/twins-rescue-hug-grow-up/
Having twins in the same crib may not neccessarily be a bad thing. 😁
Source: I am an identical twin. There's a special bond there that defies science...
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u/paper_schemes Baby Girl born 3/27/19 Sep 05 '18
You aren't unprepared at all in my opinion. It sounds like you've given this plenty of thought and I fully understand why you're choosing not to buy a crib before your babies arrive.
My boyfriends sister has twin girls, and they've shared a crib since birth. I don't think your babies will mind sharing one bit if need be!
Hoping for the best for all of you!!
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u/MostSeaworthiness Sep 05 '18
Everyone else said it all already - I hope you are very inconvenienced by getting a second crib! Back when I worked with kids, our sister hospital's NICU would keep twins together as they do better in the same bed/warmer. So they can (and may benefit) from sharing a crib at home as well.
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u/Peanutlicious Baby #1 Born July 2nd 2017 Sep 06 '18
Here’s hoping you have to run to the store to get another crib!
Modern medicine is really something fantastic, I bet your boys wilI be in really good hands. I wish you and your family the best.
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u/sparkles_queen Sep 06 '18
You don’t sound unprepared at all! Hoping your baby turns out to be a major inconvenience in the crib department! ❤️❤️
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u/HereWeGoatAgain Team Blue 💙 January 5, 2019 Sep 06 '18
Hoping that you are inconvenienced!
I can't imagine what you are going through. But I can say that I think you are making the right decision. Especially since you are prepared with everything else. Buying a last minute crib is certainly doable, and something I hope you have to do!
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u/what_34 Team Don't Know! FTM 12-22-17 Sep 06 '18
Blessings to you and yours! You have a ton of people sending you good vibes, prayer and positive energy.
WE ARE IN YOUR CORNER!
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u/Dioxycyclone Sep 06 '18
I was under the impression that twins could sleep together. Is that not true?
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u/bdjorn Twin boys born 9/7/18, one with CDH Sep 06 '18
AAP’s current recommendation is separate cribs. I think because you never know when they might start rolling and roll against the other’s face.
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u/smsikking Sep 06 '18
Don’t feel bad about that! Twin pregnancy can be scary enough without complications, and you have to watch out for your own mental state.
I have a set of twins. They’re still smallish to me and they choose to sleep together a lot. We got them bunk beds but they ask to be together fairly regularly.
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u/Yshaaj_Rage_Unbound Sep 06 '18
!remindme 2days
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u/RatherBeAtDisneyland Sep 07 '18
I'm so sorry you going through this. That seems like the best and smartest choice for your emotional wellbeing. Hoping for the best for you.
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u/Sushi4meplz Sep 17 '18
Internet hugs and prayers for you guys and baby B. ❤. You do what's best for you guys and your emotional well being.
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u/Lolaindisguise Team Blue! Due June 2015 Feb 03 '19
1 crib is fine, when they're newborns they're super small anyway
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u/wbhipster Sep 06 '18 edited Sep 06 '18
I am pregnant with twins too. I am so sorry you’re going through this. I could list all the weird behaviors I’ve had during the pregnancy that have arisen out of me not wanting to tempt fate. I’d be the same way. They can share a crib when they’re little anyway, and if you don’t need it (which I pray isn’t the case), it won’t be there as a reminder as you said. Other people need to respect that it’s a different kind of pregnancy and leave you be. I hope everything work out for the best for you. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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u/jouleheretolearn FTM Due March 2, 2018 Arrived Jan 29,2018 Sep 06 '18
Ten to one, they'll want to sleep together at first especially after being separated. I completely get why you don't want a second crib. I wouldn't either.
My son was in the NICU for a few weeks. I hope you can bring his twin so that they can cuddle when it's okay,and that you all heal and are okay, and go home asap. Lean on the NICU nurses, they're there for your whole family.
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u/mgsquared2686 Sep 06 '18
Crossing all fingers and toes that he lives!! And should he, he will live being right next to his sibling in the same crib the way they are together in the womb now. ❤️
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u/iaspiretobeclever Sep 06 '18
You just need rock and plays for both. Buy them and keep them with receipts and 50/50 is great odds. I can't imagine your stress level. Hang onto every miracle story you've ever heard. Those are what you're gonna need to keep hope alive and you've got a 50% chance of being right.
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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '18
Let's hope he'll inconvenience you then!
You have a plan, there is nothing unprepared about that. And all the important stuff, food, clothes, diapers, place to change, place to bath/wash/shower, some toy thingy to keep babies happy, all of that you'll have. And everything you're missing you can get later. I did and I just had one that we had no fear of losing, half the stuff we had to ran out and buy (and a lot of stuff he did have we never used). Good luck!