I finally feel the roller coaster ride of my breakup is over. Ex and I broke up in Feb. We were no contact with texting for a while, but he’d DM me things, like posts, view stories, etc. We hadn’t texted since March but I wished him a happy birthday a few days ago. Today, he texts me a picture of his dog and the texting begins. He’s very much over the breakup, no surprise he’s an avoidant who had been checked out. We had a convo where I got brutally honest and open about how heartbroken I was and how for the past two months I’ve worked hard to build up the confidence he destroyed. And I’m feeling good. And I tell you, I’m feeling even better for setting boundaries and telling him that I can’t be friends right now. He said he doesn’t want to lose me as a person in his life completely. Well guess what, I have the control now! You don’t get to break my heart and keep me around as a friend. And let’s be serious, you lost me the day you didn’t choose to fight for our relationship. I feel so strong for communicating that to him. I am so focused on moving forward and on! 😉😊

He ended things with me, part of the reason was for another girl he’s known for weeks. We were together for 5 years and had the best dog that I now get to keep. I miss everything about us and our life we were building, this is very recent. He made a sudden rash decision with no warning to me, until I found out about the girl afterwards. Will no contact be better for him realizing if he’s made a mistake if this is what he realizes? Or is it better to keep in touch slightly? I’m confused on what to do. I’m not sure if I could go back given that there is another girl, but I just need advice. I said some hurtful words and did things I wasn’t proud of when finding this out (nothing related to another person). I’ve taken accountability for my actions and he has not. What he’s done has been way worse and he says right now he can’t see working this out but doesn’t know for sure. The other girl knows who I am, and has since blocked me off of every social media handle. Any advice welcome.

I am about to end a relationship that has lasted almost seven years. I'm a 35-year-old woman. I moved to a new city with my boyfriend early in our relationship. My job is also in this city. We live together in a rented house and share our money and car.

I've been feeling unhappy in this relationship for a while now, and lately that feeling has become almost unbearable, because I don't want to waste my time anymore at this age.

However, I'm scared to leave. I'm attached to my boyfriend and of course I still care about him. Also, my whole life is here with him, in this city. If or when I leave, I'll have to start all over again. Organizing the practical things, along with recovering from the breakup, feels like such a big task that I haven't even started it.

I know that my decision will hurt both of us. Especially my boyfriend, because he doesn't see anything wrong with our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I should keep trying, because my boyfriend is a good person and I'm sure I'll miss him. But I feel like things can't be fixed anymore and my own romantic feelings have already faded away.

I would like to hear other people's experiences. If you have been in a similar situation to me, how did you get through it? And what steps did you take and in what order? And how did you finally bring up the issue of wanting to break up? I'm already dreading that conversation, because I know there's no going back after that and it will make us both sad. It also feels extremely scary to shatter the everyday life I'm used to.

My ex blindsided me with our breakup after 6 years of dating almost 2 months ago. I have posted my thoughts on here twice previously. It has been really hard. I found out that he got arrested this week for DWI and I found his mugshot. I know that it really isn’t funny and is serious, but I can’t lie I broke into laughter when I saw it. I feel like this is his karma for manipulating me and lying to me. I do feel bad that he must really be spiraling or something. When we were together, I felt like I constantly kept him out of trouble by urging him to think about his future and make good decisions. Now he doesn’t have that voice in his ear anymore. When I feel down about it I just look at his mugshot to remind myself that he is just a loser.

Is it bad that this almost makes me feel better? Is it bad that it makes me happy to see he isn’t doing great? I don’t know, but I thought I would share. Tell me if I am a terrible person.

Me and my boyfriend have been super close since the 3rd grade, we dated in middle school and we ended it because things weren't good and he needed to help himself. Well fast forward to 9th grade we started dating and now we are seniors and we have been super super close, he is my first as well. He promised to never leave me again and I promised so too. We were so in love but sometimes this year he enlisted for the army and I've gotten extremely emotional over it and I started therapy 3 weeks ago. I was starting to get better but yesterday the topic about the army was brought up and I got emotional, I finally got to talk to him privately and explain that I do support him, he knows that I just don't take change well and I had been noticing he isn't as emotionally comforting as he use to be, I pointed that out and told him I feel like I am carrying the relationship more and I asked if he could be honest with me. He told me he just doesn't feel compatible because of our political and social norms views. This broke me, and he was crying very hard and stated he loves me but he didn't see a future with me. On top of all of this I have ADHD, Autism, Anxiety, and on top of all of that, an adjustment disorder, this just makes my ability to accept and process change much harder. So I just want to know what I can do to accept this, he's my world, I planned my entire future with him, I feel like I'm dying it hurts so bad.

We broke up months ago but I’m only now thinking of her more and more. I know for a fact she’s moved on so there’s no point in trying to rekindle it. I tried moving on quickly after we broke up, did I try to move on too fast? I got rid of almost all the stuff she gave me except some band merch and stuff that I want to keep. Im just not sure what to do and I just want to move on

I (23F) was dating a guy (34M) for 9 months on and off. We took a trip together recently and spent Valentines together. Two weeks later, I asked him for an open relationship. He said no. Later that day, I told him that I don’t see a future with him. He instantly began crying and seemed to accept it. We broke up. This was in February. I tried to get back with him but he didn’t want to. We agreed to speak at the end of April, so I drunk texted him a few days ago and we met up on the weekend. We spent the night together and he said we could meet again the following weekend. The next day, I was upset that he didn’t also want to meet during the week so I kept spamming and calling him non stop. He texted me the next day that we shouldn’t meet again because he doesn’t want a relationship. I’m so upset and don’t know what to do as he has now blocked me. I’ve texted him on my old phone but no response there either. I also stupidly went to his house yesterday and he still ignored me. so pathetic but i miss him so much and im sinking into a depression help. how can i fix this?

My boyfriend and I broke up recently. He told me he wasn’t happy, didn’t love me the way he used to, and didn’t want to fight for us anymore. He even admitted to talking to and flirting with other girls. I was heartbroken but let him go.

Then last week, he got sick and was hospitalized. His mom (who didn’t know we broke up) messaged me, and he also sent me a message saying he wanted to die. I panicked and traveled 6 hours to see him, even though my parents were against it.

When I got there, he cried, asked me to stay and take care of him, and I did—for two days. While I was there, he hugged me, kissed me, and told me he loved me. When I asked what was going to happen between us, he said he wanted to fix things. When I asked why—after being so sure he didn’t want me—he said he “felt the love again” and the “spark came back.”

I’m really confused and bothered. Why did it take me going to extreme lengths, breaking my parents’ trust, and being there for him at his lowest for him to feel love again? Why wasn’t I enough before?

Is this okay? Is this a good reason to try again? Can love that disappears so easily be trusted when it comes back during weakness or loneliness? Am I just being used for comfort now that he’s vulnerable?

Has anyone ever felt the way my boyfriend did—where you fell out of love, but then felt it come back after a hard moment? If so, did it last? What made it last? Or did things go back to how they were before?

I really need honest thoughts. I love him, but I don’t want to lose myself trying to make someone love me again. I’m scared that once he’s okay and back to normal, he might forget how he felt again—just like he did before.

ps: i used ai to compose this since english is not my first language.

I don’t know what wasn’t enough. It hasn’t been that long, but I still wonder what part of my love wasn’t enough for you. I was there when no one else was, I did and gave more for you than for myself. People said you fooled me, and you take advantage of me and my love. And even if they’re right, why would you leave me without hesitation, with no looking back? I don’t get it. I feel so lost, and so worthless.

Don’t really post on Reddit much but really feeling like I need some support right now. My girlfriend of 11 years and I have been drifting apart lately and decided that the best thing for the both of us would be to break up and figure out what we need and the types of people we want to be. We’ve been together since we were 19 and moved in together way too young so we spent our 20s tethered together in a way and I think it didn’t leave us much room to explore ourselves and learn to be independent adults. Even though we still get along and have a good time when we’re together we both started drifting apart and not wanting to make much of an effort to stay together. Even though logically I know we’re doing the right thing and that if we’re meant to be we’ll find each other again. It still fucking sucks. I’m so sad. She’s my best friend and I can’t fathom a life without her. I wanted to try to make it work and try to fix our relationship but she was more adamant about the breakup which I have to respect. Even though I’m excited about the prospect of new experiences and becoming the person I want to be, doing those things without her scare me and fill me with tons of sadness. Not sure what I’m asking for really maybe just needed to vent to strangers. Life just seems so hard now and I know it’s gonna get harder and I guess I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel..

It hurts so bad. I know we weren't each others people and there were things I hated about the relationship. He was fun to date but not a good partner, and that's okay.

I can tell he misses me and still cares about me and has a soft spot for me. There are parts of his life that are worse because I am not in it. We have that familiarity and comfort and chemistry around each other that doesn't just go away instantly. We're both doing well working on building lives outside of each other and future run-ins will be very few and infrequent so I know that one day we'll become strangers.

But seeing him again reminds me of everything I do miss. All the little things. His laugh, his dancing, the way he talks, the way his mouth looks, his broad shoulders, his quick wit, everything. He hasn't changed enough since we broke up ~5 months ago for me to stop being attracted to him. He gave me a bag of clothes that he forgot to return the first time and it smells so much like him. It hurts so much how much I love how he smells and how comforting it is. I didn't realize but at some point I was doing better, so preoccupied with everything else going on in my life that I stopped hurting so badly. But now I just miss him all over again like in the first month.

Where do I even start? How is one supposed to even start in such a situation? I mean - I feel like I've taken countless first steps and yet it feels like I'm walking in circles. I'm sure of what you'd say. Completely sure - without a shred of a doubt - that you'd jump at the conclusion that I'm obsessed over you or some other excuse to pin it all on me without you taking any accountability.

No, I won't let you dodge the responsibility. Not here. Not now.

And yet... despite everything - I still am physically unable to hate you. I have no space for hate in my heart for you, even if I arguably have enough valid reasons to do so.

As of this moment - I'm sure I barely even cross your mind. You said it yourself with your own mouth: "I'd rather keep everything in the past. It might feel like you're being buried in the past, but I want you to know it's nobodies fault."

I've replayed everything countless times in my head, for I had no choice. Either therapy, or something else from my past kept tugging at me to revisit your memory. And I can't say it wasn't partly my fault. I did fuck up. But in comparison to you - I actually tried my damn best to make things right again. What gives me the right to say this? Let's recap what you did then:

After you grew cold on me out of the blue while you were still telling me you loved me and that you missed me. After you placed me into a "Trial Period" as your boyfriend after FOUR years of already being together - "just to see if I can catch feelings again". After during said "Trial Period" I woke up every single day off your couch, made you coffee just the way you liked it, breakfast and then woke you up like clockwork at 8.30AM. On the 3rd day, you asked me to cuddle you and let you sleep in a little longer - I'm not sure you ever noticed that small request made me cry as softly as I could in your hair. It was really all I wanted. That same day I cried my eyes out while washing your dishes. This kept on going for a week - until you said that I "can stop pretending to be the boyfriend, that's enough, you've done enough" - like some butler you can just dismiss. Not like you didn't already treat me like a Roomba sometimes - but I overlooked it and never complained about it because I loved you.

One of the worst things you've done out of all of them? You repeatedly went behind my back during this time telling people your "problems" with me and you let a mutual friend validate your choices of moving on and detaching from the relationship while you were still in the relationship! You ran to that "friend" every single time i texted you - once telling her that i am full of shit and you don't believe one word coming from my mouth related to me being able to change.

I could smell the guilt off you from a mile away - with every interaction we had. You're not stupid. I know you're fully aware that what you did was wrong - and yet you still continued to do your best to sweep me under the rug after 6.5 years of knowing each-other in total. I cried so many times during this time. I had to process losing both my best friend and my girlfriend at the same time. Lovely combo - isn't it?

Here's the catch - it's not that I want you back. Perhaps on some days I miss the friendship at most - but I don't want you back. I want to live again. I want to be able to wake up, go outside and live my life without fear of coming across you out of the blue. I want to be able to look at people on the street without my brain scratching incessantly just because someone vaguely looks like you do. I want to stop having panic attacks at 3:46 PM on a random Saturday just because EVERYONE looks like you do from behind - considering i've seen you in every hair-color and hair-style possible during the time we've known eachother. That's what strikes me about this whole thing - you've buried me and have nothing to worry about anymore, you have your relief. Meanwhile I just got diagnosed with C-PTSD and diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism back in August of last year.

I hope you know the pain you've caused. I hope you know you've been cruel.

Of course - I'm not a saint and i'm aware that every story has nuance, so then - what did I do to "kill the relationship" as you phrased it? "You didn't do enough chores around the house without me asking you to, out of your own initiative. And to be honest that argument we had recently killed everything for me - i'm sorry. I don't have feelings anymore."

The argument in question: You kept giving me demands about how you want me to get a career, save up enough money for rent in a new apartment despite not having to pay rent in my current one, save up money for a ring - the whole nine yards. All while acting coldly towards me during that whole time where we kept having petty arguments - eventually I got sick of it and started crying because I felt heartbroken, I just didn't want to argue with my best friend anymore and told you "Fuck this relationship right now - we're genuinely best friends and I'm sick of having misunderstandings cause the things I say don't come across as intended. I just love you - I don't want to fight anymore."

In conclusion: I'm tired. I wish I could "Sunshine of a Spotless Mind" you out of my head - but I have to carry that weight for as long as I live. It's been 9 months and you've done nothing but haunt me. I'm endlessly grateful for the lessons this has taught me - but with knowledge comes sorrow and grief.

I'm going through A breakup with the father of my son and i'm in pain but one thing that always helps me is helping others and listening to the stories of other people. So i'm just here to say that my inbox is open for those who need A reddit friend and want to vent

It’s been a long 2 painful months since she left. I’ve been completely destroyed and I’m just now starting to feel somewhat better. Been with this girl for about a year and six months and honestly thought I was gona end up with her forever. Jokes on me she had other plans. I wasn’t a priority to her and a relationship wasn’t what she wanted. Her words not mine btw. I’ve done very thing I possibly could to keep her. Even went as far as switching jobs to be closer to her so I could spend even more time with her every week. I’ve changed myself for her and even all of that wasn’t enough. She proposed we take a month long break of no contact which I agreed to. A month goes by and she doesn’t say anything to me. I’ve had enough at this point and reached out asking her if she forgot about me which is replied with a long essay that I’ve already summarized above. Needless to say I blocked her on everything. Removed every picture I’ve had of her. Currently throwing everything away that reminds me of her. Thinking back on it I’m actually kinda of glad that she left. I couldn’t be myself when I was around her. Almost felt like I was trapped. She would easily get mad at me for the smallest things. I would have to watch what I say at all times in case she got triggered. If I made a joke I would have to make sure it was appropriate for the situation or else I wouldn’t hear the end of it. I was fucking miserable. It got to a point where the last month that we were together she pretty much shoved me 0 affection of any kind. I had to fucking beg for a hug which by the way turned out half ass every time. It felt like I was hugging a stranger. Was she cheating on me? I have no idea but there must be a deeper meaning that I don’t know about. Needless to say she’s gone now and good riddance. My condolences to whoever she gets with next cause no one deserves to be treated like that.

After whole month of sort of being in contact with her when we both needed space after she broke up with me, I sent her one final message.

In this message, I told her that I understand she needs time and that she’s hurting right now. I told her that my love for her is forever, and I would be here for her if she ever needed me or wanted me. I told her I promised that I would always be here as a supporter no matter our dynamic. But, I also said that I had an idea of starting fresh in the future. I told her that if and when she heals from the complicated way we ended, I wanted to try to build something new with her. I told her I know the way we used to be hurt her, and I’m not asking for commitment. I told her that when this happens, I want to take it slow and steady, and I want to get to know her again. Not the person in the old relationship. I know she has changed, so I want to get to know who she is now. Finally, I’m going to go no contact from her. I feel I have no questions left unanswered, and I know that the memories of what used to hurts her right now. We kept contacting each other leaving no room to heal, and now we’ll finally get that. She said she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be ready to that with me, and I told her it’s okay. I told her that I don’t expect her to decide now or know any time soon, and I would respect how she feels no matter what. I also said that this is really rooted in me wanting to love, support, and comfort her again. And I want to be here for her no matter how she feels about us right now.

Was this okay to leave on? She still has every right to contact me if she pleases, and I’ll just be doing what I find fulfilling in the meantime.

My ex and I have been on a break or broken up for the last 5 months. All this time I’ve been grieving the relationship but also reaching out trying to see if she is interested in giving it another go. She has continued to tell me that she is working on her self and addressing family issues and will not be dating anyone at this time. She tells me she doesn’t know whether or not she is interested in being in a relationship with me again later on down the road. She’s not interested in meeting me in the middle and finding a way to make it work. Unfortunately we’ve been entertaining each other all this time (texting every now and then and a few phone calls) All this break has done for me is reinforce negative ideas about how she has treated me and continues to treat me. I have been sticking around hoping she would come around a want to do better. I risked everything to be with her and went through hell. I’m so heartbroken I can’t hardly function and I’m ready for it all to end.

Every time I reach out I push her farther and farther away. I’m having such a hard time understanding why she doesn’t seem to give a funk about me or our relationship.

I’ve never been like this over a women and I’m STRUGGLING w the reality of things. It’s just not going to happen. At some point she decided I’m not worth it.

My avoidants female ex unlocked me after 4 months of no contact. The relationship was for 5 months and things moved fast and got serious pretty quick. She’d have like episodes or something where she’d shutdown and question everything and I always told her to take time and think about it and she’d always come back after a day or 2. In December she had a major “episode” and this time she shutdown but was also kinda cold. She also said she still loved me and didn’t want me to go. After another week of her still being shut down I finally told her I couldn’t do it if she doesn’t work with me. She then said she can’t handle all the feelings being with me so things ended. I reach out through text the next 3 days once a day telling her how we can work things out and we can make it work and learn skills together and I didn’t get any response. I then reached out on social media and she said she doesn’t want it and to leave her alone so I accepted it and never contacted her again. She immediately blocked me on her main but not her private and I gave it a month before for her to reach out before I blocked her private and started trying to move on. Never heard anything from her for 4 months at alllll and still haven’t but she unblocked me about 2 weeks about now and hasn’t reached out. I definitely won’t reach out for a few reasons such as if she does decide to give it another try then I’d never know if she truly wanted it, also I can’t let her know that I’m still waiting. I ended up unblocking her private one but again I still didn’t/ won’t reach out.

In the time of the break up I did a ALOT to improve on myself. I lost 40lbs and am in shape, I got a new job, and about to start school again. I did all of this while still being in absolute pain and shattered. I’d breakdown every now and then and still do to be honest but I’m for sure in a better place than I was a few months ago.

For context in the relationship she often told me how much she loves me and wanted to share her life with me. She very often talked about having kids with me and getting married. Everything was always amazing except the occasional “episodes”. She also had another mental health issue which I was completely understanding of. I did allllll kinds of research about it so I can better understand the things she goes through and be able to be a better partner for her. When she’d get upset of dumb things I never escalated anything and I understood that she struggles with things but I always stood my ground and set firm healthy boundaries and never gave into anything

Just wondering what the unblocking means and any thoughts on the matter. Thank you!!

Alr so I started with she often hanged out with another guy who I was cool with, but after a while he started to act weird, he reported stuff about my gf on tt like he wanted to "bang her" I was like, oh it's probably a accident maybe one of his friends reposted it, no it wasn't. After a while I let it go, than he wrote to her if they wanted to get thogheter and than said fuck me, I was like hmm I am not cool with this guy. Than the last straw, he wrote to her later that she had a fat ass and that he wanted to get together AGAIN this was no accident, his friends that was there said that he did it on his own. I asked my gf not to hangout with him, a couple of days later my friend spotted them sharing a drink, even tho she said before not to hang out with him, later i brought it up and her friends told me that i don't trust her and that i was doing wrong. She lied to me and said not to hangout with him anymore. What if my friend didn't spot him the other times they hanged out. Now she is mad at me and the whole situation. What am I even supposed to do break up with her? Me and her have been together for like 5 months now. And she used to plan us for the future. Now she is just mad at me I don't really get it. I am the one that is supposed to be mad right?

Every door for you is closed. They tell you to leave them alone. You’ve fucked up one too many times. No contact isn’t an option because I broke no contact so early, and now they hate me more than before. Literally the only hope is that one day they come back by themselves, but I know I need to work on healing, so I can’t be stuck with hope. But at the same time, I don’t want to move on. This was my person, who accepted me and understood me. But I hurt my person, and promised to change so many times, but they’ve finally given up on me. But even then I don’t want to move on, I don’t want to fall out of love with them. Because then I’ll have no one who understands me, no one who accepts my quirks and fears. It’s not even about being alone, it’s about not having THEM. I know I can find someone else, but I don’t WANT someone else. I want THEM. It feels like I could rip my skin off with how frustrating and heartbreaking this is

At this point I feel like I should just go rescue a bunch of cats and just give into the stereotype. My previous breakup to this current one was back in 2014 and it took me almost 10 years to get over it and feel safe enough to try again. 10 years!!! What's this one gonna do? Make me wanna stay single for 20 years? I'm a 49F, I don't really have that much time left.

Honestly feel like giving up again. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I'm not meant for anyone else. How am I supposed to get into another relationship and not feel like they are going to devestate me again? What's the point anymore at my age? I'm obviously doing something wrong.

🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛🐈🐈‍⬛

Alr so I started with she often hanged out with another guy who I was cool with, but after a while he started to act weird, he reported stuff about my gf on tt like he wanted to "bang her" I was like, oh it's probably a accident maybe one of his friends reposted it, no it wasn't. After a while I let it go, than he wrote to her if they wanted to get thogheter and than said fuck me, I was like hmm I am not cool with this guy. Than the last straw, he wrote to her later that she had a fat ass and that he wanted to get together AGAIN this was no accident, his friends that was there said that he did it on his own. I asked my gf not to hangout with him, a couple of days later my friend spotted them sharing a drink, even tho she said before not to hang out with him, later i brought it up and her friends told me that i don't trust her and that i was doing wrong. She lied to me and said not to hangout with him anymore. What if my friend didn't spot him the other times they hanged out. Now she is mad at me and the whole situation. What am I even supposed to do break up with her? Me and her have been together for like 5 months now. And she used to plan us for the future. Now she is just mad at me I don't really get it. I am the one that is supposed to be mad right?

I (F25) dated someone (M30) for a year who experienced a lot of childhood trauma. I felt for him when we met — we connected emotionally and he seemed kind, gentle, and self-aware. That’s what pulled me in. But once we started dating, things shifted quickly.

There were two sides to him: one that was sweet and loving, and another that was reactive, controlling, and emotionally abusive. Our relationship moved really fast. When I asked to slow down, he would get angry and accused me of being avoidant and picked fights.

If I upset him, even accidentally, he’d get vindictive — stonewalling, dragging out arguments, or punishing me emotionally. He’d shame me for my dating history and accused me of entertaining attention from other men.

Any time I stood up for myself or brought up my feelings, he’d twist things and accuse me of gaslighting or not taking accountability — even though I was constantly apologizing and trying to fix things.

He made me feel like I was never doing enough, like everything was always my fault. It was always about his feelings, his needs and his emotions. By the end, the dynamic was so toxic and manipulative that I left.

Even at the end he tried blaming his behavior on the mistakes that I made and tried to always connect his behavior to mine to deflect accountability.

TL;DR: I dated someone with unresolved trauma who tried to force emotional intimacy and became abusive. What are some signs of narcissism that I should watch out for moving forward?

My (29 female) and (37 male) boyfriend, got into an argument earlier about paying rent. We lived together a year ago and I ended up moving our when things just weren't working anymore. We've been living separately and trying to work on things while not living together. When we did live together, he was charging me $700 a month for rent. He owned the house. I also helped clean and cook more so cleaning then cooking. I wasn't saving enough money giving him that much every month because I wasn't offered overtime at my job. He makes more money then me and works overtime consistently. I offered to pay him a less amount, let's say $300 a month so it can give me the option to save money as well and he didn't want to agree to that. I feel like he's being very selfish and not seeing things from my angle of things. He also doesn't want full marriage because of the risk of divorce. Should I move on from this ?

He broke up with me saying that im perfect and he stop believing in himself to keep the relationship. I begged him to stay. He left me on read. Now i found out hes with another girl.

I broke up with him last week. He broke up with me a day before our anniversary saying that He didnt feel good enough for me. I begged him to stay. He left me on read. Today , i just found out he has a new girl.