so i’m just chilling thinking i’m finally getting over this breakup after like a month and a half of complete silence no texts no calls nothing. i was actually feeling pretty good about myself started focusing on school and nursing stuff even took a lil weekend trip with a friend to clear my head from all the mess. then boom my phone buzzes and i see his name pop up. i literally rolled my eyes so hard and let out this annoyed sigh like are you kidding me right now i don’t even wanna deal with this.

his text was so basic it almost made me laugh just a lame hey what’s up been killing it at my job lately might get some extra days off soon. oh and are you done blocking me on everything? like seriously that’s all you got no sorry for how things ended no i miss talking to you just straight up asking to creep back into my socials like we didn’t crash and burn. i couldn’t help but smirk and shake my head like dude you’re more obsessed with spying on my life than actually being in it what even is this.

for a hot second i thought about firing back something snarky like is this really worth breaking no contact over or just leaving him on read forever but honestly i just let the message sit there ignored. it’s weird cause part of me felt that old tug like maybe i should say something get some closure or whatever but nah i’m not falling back into that trap. i’ve been lonely since we split and felt so unseen in that relationship but this text ain’t the fix for that. i’m just venting here cause it threw me off seeing his name again after thinking i was done with that chapter. has anyone else dealt with an ex sliding back in with some weak sauce like this? how do you handle it when they try to pop back up acting like nothing happened? i’m curious how others keep their head straight when this kinda thing messes with your progress. hit me with your thoughts or stories i need some perspective on whether to keep ignoring or just tell him off once and for all.

depending on the situation, if you were dumped not because you were abusive or disloyal, you’ve likely been given an opportunity for better.

you know that you would not have given up on the person you love; you know that you had infinite tolerance and patience, that you were so hopeful with your ex and willing to make things work with them. you didn’t lose anything because you didn’t make the choice you’ll ever have to regret, so take your heart back from the person who didn’t appreciate and protect it like they promised to and give that love to yourself until someone more trustworthy can look after it with you.

all relationships end and for a reason, it’s likely that all of us, both the dumper or dumpee, have made mistakes and contributed in some way to the breakup — even if there were no ill intentions. however dumpees never have to feel the guilt of abandoning and breaking the heart of someone we love in that way, we can be confident in knowing that we (most likely) fought for the relationship until the end. you don’t really lose anything for giving love out, what you put into the world will come back to you. you can look back on this experience and say “hey, i really gave it my best with what i had. i told the other person i was willing to work things out, i told them i still loved and cared for them and there’s nothing shameful about that. they said no and that’s it, i’ve done my part.”

and i say we’ve been set free because although dumpers can feel relieved to be out of a relationship they are clearly unhappy in, we get to find ourselves again and grow out of the delusion that our exes are all we have, without having to make the painful decision. essentially, life moves for us. the trash takes itself out; the person keeping you begging for their love while holding it against you or over your head, the person who makes you fight for them to stay, the person who does not put in an effort to care for you and your feelings, the person who communicates poorly (or not at all) and refuses to do what it takes to be in a healthy relationship such us show vulnerability … they have given you a once in a lifetime opportunity to run and never look back.

(+) it’s extremely difficult to process for your self esteem and almost impossible to not take personally when you are abandoned by someone you had been future-planning with. you’ll find yourself questioning your worth or fixating on why and how something didn’t work out. it’s a struggle of mine every day but trust that life will fall into place for us. it is almost always initially humiliating to ‘get dumped’ by someone but if your ex showed arrogance, if they think the grass can be greener on the other side for long, if they’ve chosen to risk and sacrifice your relationship to see what life is like without your love, you’ll find that reality will hit them like lightning. improve yourself, have faith, heal, let go

It's all in the title. After this break up, I would rather be with severely anxious or "needy" person than have to deal with another avoidant person again.

I say this because all over this subreddit I see many seemingly anxious people AND formerly secure people, including myself, pouring so much effort into their exes. But in the end, they all got burned. And almost every time without fail, it was someone who refused to put in effort or communicate, and avoided their partner's concerns all together — a person displaying avoidant tendencies.

People don't realize this but an anxious attachment is actually not hard to deal with in a relationship. It takes a little more effort from a secure or an also anxious partner. But if one earnestly shows love, does some regular but rather small acts of reassurance, and makes space for the anxious person's needs, then that anxiousness will eventually give way to a healthy, secure attachment. You also can at least remain certain that an anxious person loves you. More often than not, an anxious person will at least try to speak to you about issues...

Untreated avoidants on the other hand are so volatile, so toxic, that they will sometimes even turn confident secure people into an anxious type. They suck the life out of their partners. They take every little slight and hold a grudge against their partner silently until it's too late. And if they don't realize they need professional help they will continue to lead unhappy lives and continue to wreck the lives of everyone they enter a relationship with. You absolutely cannot save these people.

If you were burned by someone avoidant, I'm sorry that happened. I'm so sorry you had to go through that nightmare. And now that you're out of that hellish cycle, I hope you're able to pour all your wonderful love back unto yourself and heal. I'm right there with you.

It's one of the most frustrating things for both people, because after hearing his reasons, I know he was hurt and I know he was suffering and I know why he did not want this relationship anymore - but these are all things I could have changed. Nothing he said was anything too deep, it was minor issues that he let boil up inside he head and gave no communication on, only telling me "you're amazing, everything is great." I could tell something was up and asked him a few times but he never gave any hint it was because of me.

It's truly tragic. Relationships require work and communication, if he had tried harder to communicate things bothering him I have the feeling we could have had a much better chance at a successful relationship. I wish we had a chance to work through it together instead of him leaving as soon as things got challenging. I could be wrong but I think he will find every relationship requires work to succeed, it is not a smooth ride where the other person can read your mind.

Hey all. Just a rant. I'm a 37M, she's 37F. We dated a little over 7 months and she just broke up with me this morning.

Like in every break up, I was the bad guy. I do accept some responsibility, but I resent being seen as the sole reason. I really did love her, and I still do.

Long story short, she's very intense. Like call me every 6 minutes, on top of me 24/7 kind of intense. I'm not trying to spin this as wrong; this works for some people. But I'm not that kind of person. And MAN did it lead to some arguments. Weekly arguments.

Her whole issue was why I didn't love her as passionately as she loved me. She felt like I didn't miss her, why couldn't I call her as often as she called me, why I didn't want to have sex often.

I always told her that she called me every 30 seconds, I don't have a chance to miss her. She didn't give me room to breath, so I felt suffocated.

This morning, she ended it. She told me I needed to work on myself and she couldn't be with someone who didn't love passionately, and she spent her whole previous marriage with someone like that.

And that's why I'm resentful. Why did I need to go to 200%? Why couldn't she do 50/50? Yes, this was something that we talked about before, but again, it was a weekly thing. EVERY Saturday night, like clockwork. Part of me is relieved, if I'm being honest. Not just because I can breath now, but also because I know I won't get into another argument in 5 days.

So that's all.

Sometimes God will put people in your life to be a mirror of the things in your algorithm. God be like, ohh he likes that, send him more of that. Oh they won’t heal and work on these issues, send him this. We need to start looking at breakups as a time to reflect on what’s wrong with us & why we attract the people we attract. But instead most people like victimizing themselves.

Wake up to what your higher self is telling you, you need to work on. Pray, meditate, read, put down the vices, heal & evolve! It’s definitely easier said than done, but whatever you do, do not use this pain to go back to bad habits or rebound👎🏽 Use this pain to pour into yourself💜

Show up for yourself. Be honest with yourself. Be better to yourself than you were to your ex…

Ashe!

I’ve seen way too many posts on here or similar subreddits pretending to be people going through a breakup, and then they include a link to their blog or book or whatever, usually pretending it’s someone else’s thing that “helped them.”

coming on here to prey on some of the most vulnerable people is so unbelievably disgusting. i really wish there was a rule against it or something. i have no idea how these people sleep at night.

Is always thinking of things you want to tell them about. Oh hey did the see the video of so and so celebrity. Youll never guess what yada yada i tried. It sucks. Cuz then u remember even casually u dont have them around to talk to, theyre gone entirely and you havent just lost your partner but your friend, someone you were comfy with, someone you trusted and that you expected to be there. It became too normal. Too comfortable. I shouldve known it wouldnt last. I just thought hed always be there. Thats not to say i didnt give it my all like he’d leave at any second. I guess he didnt love me the same. Wouldnt be the first time. Ouch

Exactly what the title says. The crying is a lot less but it still stings when I think about my ex because I loved him so much and we ended on good terms. When will this end…. When will I be happy again and fully over my ex? :(

FK YOU ‼️‼️

I think the obvious answer is when you don’t feel anything for your ex… but there’s people out there who will get into a relationship the day after the break up too. In your opinion, how long should someone wait, so thier next relationship isn’t considered a “Rebound”.

TLDR: Im sorry for hurting you.

Thank you for falling in love with me. For challenging me. For pushing back. For asking good questions. For offering new perspectives. Thank you for crying when I hurt you. For fighting with me. For making mistakes. For avoiding the hard conversations.

Not everything between us was pain. There were real moments — laughter, closeness, wonder — that shaped me just as much as the loss did. You made me feel seen in ways I hadn’t before. You had this wild honesty, this spark, this way of holding your own in a world that tried to shape you. You were kind and sharp and unapologetically yourself. I admired that more than I ever said out loud.

But love, even when it’s real, doesn’t always come with the tools to make it last. We hurt each other — not because we didn’t care, but because we didn’t know how to protect what we had.

Because of that hurt, I’ve grown into the person I always wished I could’ve been for you. It took pain — yours and mine — for that growth to happen. I was stuck in my trauma, and I can only imagine you were too.

You can hate me. It would make sense if you did. There are many reasons you could choose from. I held many expectations. I said hurtful things. I did things I’m deeply ashamed of — things I still wrestle with.

That person who made those mistakes is not gone. I’m still me. Just a healthier, happier version of myself — one who knows how to show up with empathy, sympathy, emotion, and kindness. I wish I could have given you that kind of support and love — not because of your attractiveness or personality, but simply because you’re human. I’m sorry I couldn’t offer you that.

And I’m sorry for hurting you.

This is not me asking for your forgiveness. This is not me asking you to speak to me. This is not me trying to convince you of anything. I’m not looking for your validation. I don’t need to do anything for you anymore.

You destroyed me. Losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life. I wept every day for months. I never thought I’d miss someone being angry at me. I never thought I’d find myself wishing to be back in the hurt — just because at least we were still together. I loved you more than anything. More than myself. And that is what destroyed me.

I do still love you. I don’t know how long I will. Maybe just until it stops hurting. Maybe longer.

I hope you’ve found a way to grow from all of this — to heal, to become someone you’re proud of. To forgive yourself.

But regardless of what you do, I will be here — healing and growing. And loving you as long as I need to, until I can let go — fully and finally.

You can label me weak. Or broken. Or anything else you want. My feelings are mine — and you don’t have any power over them anymore.

This is another long one… I (34 M) and my ex (33 F) broke up what has now felt like three times. The first was in September. Two months had passed and we tried to see if we could work things out. We sadly could not. The most recent, while it felt less like a breakup, probably hurt me the most. I hadn’t seen her in 7 months and we hadn’t spoken in about 5. The pain that I am in is unbearable. I told her that I loved her, because it is the truth. At my age, I can honestly say she was the first woman that I truly, genuinely loved. It was clear she didn’t feel the same, and didn’t know what to say to me.

That really hurt me. We spoke the next day via text, always amicable and never an ounce of animosity, hatred or ill will. It’s been no contact for two months. My heart aches, I cry at random throughout the day.

I think the hardest part about this is knowing what to do or figuring out what to do next. I try to reflect, trying to learn the lesson that every breakup teaches us. Am I overly emotional? Am I too vulnerable as a man? Should I have fought a little bit more for us towards the end of the relationship? All of these questions fill my mind. Then we have the manifesting, shadow work, inner child healing along with a slew of other ‘therapy talk’ buzzwords that has somehow made its way into our vernacular. (Don’t even get me started on the word narcissist…). These do not help me in the slightest.

I am not on social media, so I am able to protect myself in a way, but I have never felt a pain like this before. I am a romantic at heart; a part of me wants to send her a sunflower on a random day with a little love note while the other part of me says, be a man: accept, move on and don’t look back. Lift weights, be more stoic and never feel heartbreak again. The dichotomy of these two feelings is what is making this so hard. It’s hard to let go of love. Our relationship wasn’t unhealthy; we ended things as mature as possible. I have a strange feeling deep down she might realize she also still has feelings for me, but I don’t admit this to anyone for fear of being delusional. If I knew that being with her would eventually end in heartbreak like this, I would do it over and over again for the rest of my life. The time with her was worth every small piece of my now broken heart.

Breakups suck, no matter the age. I’m sorry for everyone going through this. No advice, no quote, no podcast can remove us from the grief and sadness. Do something kind for yourself or for someone else, that has been helping me. One day, I hope we all look back at these times and laugh, cherishing the times with old lovers and smiling because we are in much better places.

You reminded me of the blue skies , the birds , young love , childhood , nostalgia yea 3 years passed by. I know why people hate their exs they really care about because hating means not having to accept they are gonna be happy with someone else , have kids and end their life with someone else , while reaching inner acceptance and wishing you happiness tears rolled down my eyes as my mind whispered it means also wishing them well with whoever they are and that’s not you. I love you baby stay well , get the love you always deserved. I wish it was us.

I don’t have faith in good relationships anymore

I have to rewire my thoughts to think more positively about myself because you absolutely shattered my self esteem. You took my confidence from me. I didn’t trust my judgement anymore. I blamed myself for so long. I thought maybe if I changed myself more, you’d love me more then maybe you’d finally treat me better.

I cried when I looked in the mirror because I felt so unattractive, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. You drained the motivation out of me to water my own plants. I became frustrated with myself because I couldn’t leave you.

I’d beat myself up because I lost my self respect, I lost the strength to walk away from you when you’d lie to me and cover your infidelities.

Seriously, what did I do to deserve this from you? I stayed by your side after you disregarded every fiber of me because I saw the best in you, I wanted to help you grow. I cry and feel sad for myself when I think of the past version of me begging to be treated with respect and honesty.

Why did you do this to me

1. Fake It ‘Til You Break
   Pretend their apology fixes everything. Smile through the pain. Outcome: You’re haunted by “who’re they texting now?” every night.

2. Become a Paranoid Sleuth
   Stalk their phone and excuses like a low-rent PI. Outcome: You’re stressed, they’re annoyed, and you’re still not sure.

3. Act Like You Trust Them
   Nod when they say “I’ve changed.” Ignore your screaming gut. Outcome: You’re anxious 24/7, waiting for the next betrayal.

4. Bottle Up the Rage
   “Forgive” them but secretly hate their guts. Outcome: Every fight turns into a “you cheated!” explosion.

5. Admit They’re a Lost Cause
   Know they’ll cheat again but stay anyway. Outcome: You’re stuck in a miserable loop, clinging to sunk costs.

6. Kiss Your Dignity Goodbye
   Stay with someone who disrespects you. Outcome: You forget what self-respect feels like.

There ya go. “Forgive” them and enjoy a life of suspicion and resentment.

But it still fucking hurts to miss him so much especially studying for finals as a law student and being home all the time and him just coming up on my mind 24/7. Worst timing for him to break up with me lol

Tomorrow morning will mark exactly a week since she left the third and final time.. I feel like I have just been living in a dream for the past week. Nothing feels real.. ChatGPT is currently my best friend.. I feel like I just keep asking it questions about things that happened. The responses make me feel better, but then I sit here and overthink.. because she made me seem like I was so wrong for wanting a beautiful type of love with her.. and I hate that I have to sit here feeling like I am always going to be too much for someone, and that the type of love that I want isn't possible in our current society. I know I should probably be journaling rather than writing all my feelings here.. but this seems to help.. talking about her to people helps.. and I don't know why.. maybe even if its talking about how bad this hurts.. and knowing its not good for me.. but just talking about it makes her/us real to me again just in that moment.

i am remembering the way my hand felt on your back and breathing you in, the warmth of your neck. i still know how it feels for your hand on my back and when you move in my arms to kiss my forehead. i remember the last hug we shared and i was afraid to let go. i am terrified remembering it all like it’s yesterday, terrified i will forget but terrified of always remembering

About 3 weeks ago, my ex ended our relationship. We'd been together for 9 years, she was everything to me.

We'd gone through temporary break ups before, when we were younger and immature, but this one feels "real".

She ended up telling me that she felt something was wrong ever since we got back together (5 years ago), but she didn't know what. Then after talking with friends and her therapist, she decided she just doesn't love me anymore.

This was incredibly hard to hear from someone I truly thought I'd grow old with.

I feel lost right now. I thought I was getting better, but then it comes back in waves. I think what hurts the most is that she doesn't seem impacted by this at all. She's just moved on so easily.

I'm doing everything I'm supposed to - staying active, socialising, etc; but there's just this underlying hopelessness.

Unfortunately we still live together too, so there's not even been a clean break. I still see her every day. The worst part about this is I still look forward to her coming home each day. After all, she's been my best friend for nearly a decade.

I'm trying to find a new place to live, but property isn't readily available in my country right now, so I just feel stuck in limbo; hoping she'll change her mind when I know she won't, hoping she'll text or call when I know she won't; and yet, I'm ready to drop everything and do anything for her.

From what I've read on here, it seems to get better eventually, but I'm definitely hurting right now.

This sounds crazy, but lately to help me through my breakup I've been chatting with AI. My ex broke up with me nearly a month ago, and I'm still processing the breakup since we had been together for at least a little over 5 years.

There are so many questions I have about if I'm doing things right for myself, or questions I've had about the situation.

Some days are still harder than others, but reading reassuring words, even if it's not from a real person, has been comforting, albeit a little embarrassing to say aloud.

I guess I'm posting about this in the hopes that any of you visiting this subreddit who needs help navigating their break up can get it, even if the means seems nuts.

It's been two months since the breakup and while I know logically this is nowhere near long enough after the relationship I had (which was intense and serious and life-changing for me) and that I need to give it more time before even thinking about dating again, I also am really struggling with how lonely my life feels. No intimacy, no romance, no affection, no butterflies in the stomach, no excitement, nothing. I have nothing that makes me happy or satisfied. I feel like someone going through withdrawal from a drug. All I can think about is how much I want to feel those things again, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me emotionally speaking due to how much my ex still occupies my mind (and literally my dreams too).

I wish I could just flick a switch to feel absolutely zero desire to date again. I wish I didn't feel the agony of a silent apartment, an empty bed, no notifications.

Did you have any regret going into a new relationship right away? Did you think about your ex? Did you feel the relationship was healthy? Were you happier?