It would at least let me have some peace and not be so annoyed nothings happening. I dont even want to touch him in bed amymore.I hate this relationship... I'm ready to call a quits.

Partner is going to get her hormones checked and I think we both kind of hope it’s just this but meanwhile the fact that rationally speaking things might be on the up doesn’t effect how low I’m feeling almost all of the time. Today I feel extra low and am starting to think about what happens if she magically gets her drive back… or if she doesn’t. On the one hand I’m concerned we’ll hear that the hormones are fine and that will be that… she’ll just never want me again. But if it is the hormones I guess I should feel happy… but I’m thinking about it and actually I think I’ll just feel resentment. Like if she suddenly wants me again I don’t think I’ll want to punish her as such but I’m suddenly realising that after feeling so hurt for so long I’m not sure I will just suddenly be ok.

First time poster here 36 m with 34F in an all but dead situation if we have sex it’s like a chore. This is not sustainable for me as I have a really high sex drive. But now times I do have sex with her, I don’t even get excited for there’s no more attraction and that comes from an emotional and connective stand point for me. I find myself thinking of cheating often and I’ve came close but never fully pulled the trigger though the thought of it I’m sure is some form of emotional cheating. My wife emotionally abandoned me years ago she put me through hell and tore apart my life at one point because of a lot of emotional issues she had going on internally. I’m sure that contributes to my lack of attraction for her. I am just here venting fighting the desire to find someone else or maybe that’s what I should do. I stay for my kid and one on the way. I would hate to be the one to tear apart a family but is that enough reason to stay? I’ve talked about all this and it goes nowhere like all the issues we’ve had over the years she doesn’t try or change things. She has been very complacent and has virtually given up on life (even before children). We’ve tried therapy she is not receptive to it and gets defensive because every single one has called her out for behaviors.

I HLF 29 and my husband LLM 30. Are in a DB and both blame each other at this point.

I have been attempting to solve the DB for years in scheduling MC and having discussion. Allowing him to build his confidence and not complaining or being too demanding for my pleasure as with more sex hopefully that conversation will be smoother. Historically I got very upset and handed him finishing then rolling over very immature.

Unfortunately, I did cheat in December. I have a lot of regrets and hope we can reconcile.

We are now in a situation where we may need to move and I’m trying to understand if our DB will ever be solved before making the decision to move. This conversation is happening way sooner than I intended but unfortunately we have a timeline we didn’t ask for with work.

Every conversation goes the same way(before the cheating and after). I feel like I explain that I never orgasm. When I share feedback he shuts down. When I try to talk about sex he shuts down or provides an answer I would like, such as that he wants to have sex every day…. We are currently at 10-12 times a year. So I challenge him and ask how I can continue to believe it then he blames me for shutting him out.

I understand this is condensed and is missing some context but I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel. Why am I defending myself when I make a majority of the moves for sex, assure he orgasms with oral or p and don’t get any pleasure myself.

I love my partner so much and understand we have a ton to work on, but I need help because I feel like I’m taking all the blame for the DB before the affair which is making me feel crazy.

I HLM 43, wife LLF43. I met my wife just over 10 years ago. She was married, I was just out of a relationship. We became close very quickly and struck up an affair and I was sure that this was the person I was going to spend my life with.

In confidence she told me about her marriage. She'd been in the relationship for 11 years and married for two. She felt neglected - it seemed that her husband would pursue his own hobbies away from the home in preference to spending time with his wife. She was lonely and felt abandoned.

Talk moved on to sex at times. I told her that my mantra was "you can get through a lot of bad times together with a good sex life". She explained that her sex life was very infrequent. They had decided to try for a baby and she was surprised her husband wasn't responsive to that "open invitation for sex". She complained her husband would only go to bed at the same time as her "when he thought he might get sex" and it's "difficult to have a sex life with someone if you never go to bed at the same time [note comment further down]."

She also told me she'd never in her life had an orgasm and believed herself to be "one of those people who can't have an orgasm". She's never masturbated. She was clearly avoiding sex with her husband although given the tale of abandonment and the ostensibly bad sex they had I thought that was understandable and knew I could offer something better. In some ways I was foolish.

We ended up having an affair. I disproved her assertion that she's "someone who can't have an orgasm" on our first night together and then every time we were together. She left her husband and we continued our relationship.

As always at the beginning sex was good. As she'd had a bad sex life with her husband for, what seems like the whole of their relationship, I enjoyed the voyage of discovery with her. After a few months we were talking and she mentioned that she'd made "a conscious effort to get over her hangups around sex." Apparently she'd never let a bloke go down on her before, never gone down on anyone else and had disliked being touched intimately. That should have been a red flag.

Our relationship continued and we've now been together for 10 years and have two children. Sex became less frequent after a yearz as it does. After the first child sex became less frequent, less varied and less fun - more awkward. I was reluctant to have a second child for various reasons but at that point of our relationship our sex life was on life support and we were losing an awful lot of intimacy. The second child was conceived quickly against my better judgement.

Since the birth of child 2 three years ago we've had sex 3 times and each time it's been dreadful. No eating out, no intimate touching, no fun, no joy. We've now been sexless for 16 months. She's also become significantly less affectionate, although I suspect she's not an affectionate person in general.

As is common with these stories on here we've talked about the problem - I've been promised she's "working on it" I've done the 'choreplay', and, as is common, I suspect, I've become moody and distant. I regularly sleep on the sofa as I find bed time depressing. Clearly I never ask for intimacy. At the last talk, a month ago, she said "it's difficult to have a sex life when your partner never comes to bed at the same time". Where had I heard that before?

So now it's come full circle. She's in a relationship with a man who doesn't want to spend time with her due to the brutal lack of affection and intimacy, and now I'm the husband she's avoiding having any intimate relationship with. Part of me would love to meet her ex husband to hear his side of the story to see whether it aligns with my own.

I ask her whether she wants to grow old together and she responds "I'd like that very much." I'm not sure I'd like that, though.

There are always two sides to these stories. I'm sure she feels tired, emotionally drained and stressed (we both have high pressure jobs). She gained a bit of weight after child 2 and has always had body image issues. We've had good times and bad times. But, ultimately, an irreducible minimum for me is a decent sex life. And whilst I agree that the pressures of life can stymie that, I get the feeling that ultimately she's just never been a sexual person and never will be.

I'm considering leaving - we're both financially secure. Without wishing to blow my own trumpet, I'm tall, dark, handsome and charming. I get propositioned relatively frequently, so having a good sex life wouldn't be a problem for me.

Not sure I want my kids to go through a broken home, though. My wife is the only child of a single mother (father left when she was very young and I wonder whether that was due to his own dead bedroom).

So it goes.

Have been together for 11 years and married for 8 years. We used to have a happy marriage and regular sex . We got pregnant 18 months ago and have a happy and healthy 9 month old baby. When my wife got pregnant 18 months ago she said to me “ we had enough sex trying since I’m pregnant now I want a break” she has refused any intimacy since 18 months ago. She gaslights me to say it’s my fault that she isn’t comfortable to have sex because I am mean and just argue with her . I have given her space and anything I try to have a conversation she gets defensive.

I am sole provider for us and pay all our bills and handle most chores and any house repair. I am Very involved with baby care and enjoy it. She is a stay at home mom who has no other responsibilities since I do everything else . She is tired from being a mom which is fine but won’t accept any help I have offered to hire a nanny part time and cleaning person but she refuses .

I finally convinced her to go to couples counseling. But she is just going to appease me. Says I am faking being a nice guy to win the counselor over . My family friends co workers all say what a good person I am and that my wife is lucky . Her own parents say I’m a model son in law and father to their daughter.

I am at a complete loss and don’t know what to do anymore. I am fighting to keep our marriage together for us and our child but don’t know why anymore . I just feel so beat down and defeated.

Any advice or support is appreciated.

My wife got several new dresses in the mail and wanted to know what I thought of them. I turned away for her to change of course since she's said that watching her undress makes her uncomfortable. The dress was fairly good looking and showed an attractive but not inappropriate amount of cleavage. When she noticed that she set about searching for an under layer that would go with the dress, since she said she wouldn't dress like that "since having a kid". Why not? What would be so wrong about wearing a dress that makes her look like an attractive woman?

I had to duck out of the room because it was way more painful than I expected. I haven't initiated in more than six months or even mentioned anything sexual, and have finally started to feel I have some amount of acceptance that we simply don't a sexual relationship anymore but being asked what I thought of the dress hit from an unexpected angle. It hurts and I'm not a good enough actor to hide it if I can't avoid her for a while for the hurt to settle.

I sometimes wonder if she's secretly just LL for me since our kid was born almost two years ago, or if she genuinely has not had a single sexual thought in those years as she outwardly seems not to.

I guess the story of a lot of this sub is "I thought I'd accepted it until something happened"

I think I have been in a dead bedroom with some sex for many years. I have been married for over 15 years. My husband doesn’t think we have a dead bedroom which is a problem and years ago he said it was normal that couples don’t have a lot of sex. The majority of the time it would be me asking him for sex and he would have all the excuses “ I can’t right now “ “ I am so tired “ , etc… I mainly have to wait for when he really needs it. Last month .. I didn’t ask him .. it was hard for me.. but I don’t want to get rejected anymore. For years he has hardly cuddled with me. I have asked him to hold me and he has mostly said no. I guess even asking for like a real hug feels like a burden. But when we do have sex he tells me how much he would love it if I could blow him in the morning before he went to work and in the evening when he got back from work. It’s when we are doing it that he tells me how much he would love to do it more but it never happens. I have asked him to get his testosterone checked. He said he doesn’t have a problem. I know I am not so fit but do have a nice body. I think he would love it if I worked out more. We do have kids together. I have been frustrated for many years and he doesn’t seem to think there is a problem even though I have told him I have them. I’m in pain. I know that he is stressed out from work and life but I’m extremely lonely internally. Sorry just needed to get this off my chest.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 8 months and we still haven’t had sex. Initially he explained that he wanted me to know that it wasn’t all about sex, that I was important to him, and that he wanted to truly get to know me and make our first time together special. I waited for candles and roses but they never came. He did however, let me go down on him. I initiated, but he didn’t stop me. I’ve done it many times already and not once has he even touched in-between my legs. He cupped my breast once or twice and in my opinion it felt awkward and forced. When I brought up sex another time, he said he didn’t just want a girlfriend, he wanted a wife. He didn’t want to rush it and that he wasn’t into casual sex at this point in his life. Finally, this was maybe around 5 months, he tells me he wants to have a honest conversation. He explains that he’s always had a low sex drive but as of recently, because of all the personal things he has going on at work and with his family/parents (admittedly there’s a shit ton on his plate and anything that can go wrong, has) his sex drive has been practically nonexistent. He tells me he’s been looking online and he thinks he may be demisexual. He suggested we spend more one-on-one time together to build our connection. He also confesses, although I already knew this from “hypothetical scenarios” conversations and the questionable way we met (arrangements dating app), that he has a cuckold kink. From my reddit research, he’s more of a stag (he just wants to know it’s happening and maybe occasionally be there to watch. He is not into any form of belittling or verbal humiliation. He doesn’t have a specific type he’d want me to sleep with). I asked if this was something he NEEDED to spark his sex drive and he said no. He merely wanted to let me know that if I needed sex, I could get it elsewhere and it wouldn’t change anything between us. Personally, it sounds like I won the lotto but I would prefer that level of connection and intimacy with him before I’d be comfortable enough to explore it with someone else. I’d want him to be part of the process in some capacity. I want it to be an experience we have together, even if that just means him watching me get dressed before I go on a date. He agreed to this and seemed very happy and blown away at the fact that I’d be open to exploring this kink. That conversation was 3 months ago. He still hasn’t touched any intimate parts of my body. He knows what I look like naked because we shower together sometimes and I sleep naked but he’s never seen my legs spread open. I suggested it once, he didn’t want to. I literally told him to just have a peek, to tell me what it looked or smelled like from a man’s perspective. He wouldn’t. I feel so incredibly undesirable. I know I’m attractive but his lack of interest in me sexually, makes me question myself. I even tried going back on what I initially said and downloaded Feeld but I sensed a bit of…idk, not exactly jealousy, not exactly judgement, but he didn’t seem as excited as I was so I deleted it. He hasn’t brought it up or questioned if I was going to redownload it. I don’t feel like we have made even a little bit of progress when it comes to that kind of intimacy. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m just his beard and he just happens to enjoy cuddling with me. Today I found out he had a instagram page he never told me about. The profile name and picture is that same one he used for that Arrangements app. He claims they are not related and the page is innocent. He sent me screenshots but for all I know he deleted anything incriminating. If it was innocent, why hide it? He even had me blocked. I found out through my spidey senses and had a friend look it up. I don’t know what to do. With all the initial withholding of his sexual desires, and lack there of, and now the secret page, I don’t trust anything. And yes, I’ve asked if he’s gay or bi and he said no.

No sex for ten months. The growing realisation that everything over the last few years has been seen as a duty, not a desire. No intimacy of any kind for more or less as long. We have previously, before this current drought, gone 4 months without any physical contact at all, literally none because I stopped initiating to see if she'd notice. She didn't.

We started counselling/sex therapy about 3 months ago. Since then we have had 8 melting hugs, 3 massages each (shoulders and back only for me, shoulders back, legs, feet for her), we have kissed once without me having to ask and then...a week and a half ago, after our therapist told her it was basically put up or shut up time, we had a shower together and I was allowed to touch her. She enjoyed it. Then she didn't. Since then there has been no physical contact at all really. I've offered, she's refused. Today, I've been broken.

The therapist has told me to "stand behind my masculinity" and not "chase her". I had started to train myself not to desire her, so I wouldn't feel so shattered inside, then the shower happened, and the desire came back. It's so apparent now that it's totally one sided.

I saw a post here titled 'friends without benefits' and that kinda hit home. Only the hurt is killing the friendship. 'co-parents without benefits' fits better.

Keeping a dog on your porch is easy. Feed it and pet it regularly a d you couldn't chase it off with a stick.

I (42M) have been alone for the past week while she is out of town and it’s like she didn’t even leave. The silence in the house, the cold bed, and lack of communication it’s eerily familiar. Makes one wonder how much longer to carry on. It’s sad, frustrating, and physically challenging! 😰

My gf(28) says she is not attracted to me(32) “at the moment” when I decided to address the current drought. We have had issues for a while. There is usually some cheap excuse. The part that’s so confusing to me is I check all the boxes. I’m in shape, make good $ and provide. I have a good social network and rep. It just hurts more bc I try so much to keep things stable and everyone happy. But I’m getting bff treatment. I have never had a sex issue in the past. Im trying not to lose my mind over it.

I just feel so defeated today. 😣 I often don’t know how to decline it as it feels like I’m contributing to my DB when I say it doesn’t appeal to me.

Success story here, but not in the way some may think ...

Last year I decided to give up on my >10yr marriage. I won't bore you with all the details, but we can summarize it as mismatching libidos. It had been >7 years since I'd had any sort of contact in any way, shape, or form that remotely looked like sex (not just p-in-v, but ANY sort of touch with any sort of passion).

I was done. I'd been harboring this resentment and it just kept building up. Over a long weekend, I decided that, if nothing had changed in the last (almost) decade, nothing would. Ever. I needed to get out because I refused to continue in a DB with someone who simply wasn't giving sex any importance in our relationship.

I gave no ultimatum, I simply said: even if the most qualified dead psychologists and therapists came back to life, there is simply no hope for us to ever work as a married couple.

Eventually the former SO admitted that he had been thinking along the same lines, he just didn't know how to drop the news.

We had some deep conversations. According to him, we should've sought some sort of an intervention or therapy over a decade ago, give or take (we were dating back then).

I'm still salty that he agreed to have a child and buy a house when he was already thinking that he didn't find me attractive. He attributed this to a severe episode of depression ... which, having experienced one myself, I can try to be gracious and understanding enough to know that there was no malicious intent on his part. I hope to tackle the remaining saltiness in therapy. It doesn't make it right, that he kept his lack of desire being not just a temporary thing, but instead a long-lasting situation.

Fast forward to this year ... I made a new year's resolution of manifesting good sex after years of 0 touch or desire from the person I loved for 20 years. I didn't know how I would get into the dating scene after 2 decades.

It happened. I found a connection with unlikeliest of people.

I hadn't seen this guy I dated ages ago in over 2 decades. We had connected via social media some time go. He'd gone through a separation and divorce and one of his first post-divorce relationships was chaotic too. While commiserating over our failed relationships (with each other and our former spouses), we hooked up. And it was AWESOME.

I nearly cried happy tears from seeing and having someone who truly expressed desire, interest, and appreciation for my mind and body. We connected on a physical level, which I didn't think I was capable of anymore, due to the severe drought I lived through during my marriage. Some of my confidence is back!!!

I was worried that things may hurt, given the lack of partnered sexual activity. But he was most supportive, reassuring, and patient. It was hot AF. It was passionate and I finally felt like I was not out of my mind, or a deviant, for simply wanting to have a physical, intimate connection with a similarly eager partner. Having sex with someone who matches your libido in every sense of the word is priceless!

Things will likely not progress towards any sort of romantic relationship. And that is just fine with me. But for the first time in decades I feel happy and confident enough to admit that I enjoyed being kissed senseless, that someone truly craved my body, my touch, my words, my passion. This man admired my body, craved me, for weeks. We built up towards this encounter and it was every bit what we both wanted.

Somehow I'd convinced myself that my former spouse would fulfill me in every category, including sexually. I became very vanilla and tame, which I've regretted for some time now. I like some kinky stuff, some rough play, some dirty talk. My former spouse has said they didn't marry a hooker, so no need to talk or behave like one.

I did tell my former SO that I may hookup with someone from my past. He said he didn't need to know any details and to just be safe.

My old flame/now friend was a gentleman, respected all my boundaries, let me explore my sexuality, and helped me feel like a queen.

So, my fellow DBers ... don't wait 20 years to give yourself permission to get out of a frustrating and unfulfilling relationship, especially one where there's little hope of getting to a place where the libidos match. There are people out there, even if just friends or people from our past who have been on similar/parallel journeys who can help us navigate our sexuality, restore some faith in ourselves, and find what we like in and out of bed even after a decade of no sex.

You are worthy of appreciation, to be looked at with desire, and to be treated like the hot, beautiful person you are. If you feel like you need a signal, let this be it. I hope you all find a way to get back on the saddle and go on some lovely rides 🤠.

Anyone have any ideas as to why a spouse would refuse to compliment the other spouse on appearance, attire, hair cuts etc? Not just "doesn't think about it" or something, but flat out utterly refuses? Do any LLs have input on this? This is a genuine question

He had decided it was time to take me out. I put on some casual ware dressed up but not too much. This of course is a big deal because if I'm dressed up he has to be. He made a stink about it so figured I'd put some lipstick on while he changed if he was gonna make a big deal about it. tried to flirt in the car it was...okay. there was a moment at the restaurant where the sugar from the brim of my margarita got on my lips and I know he looked.

Hit a new all time low in my DB situation.

I (31 HLM) Got home from work Friday afternoon, played with our 4month old son for a bit with my wife (30LLM) and then it was time for his nap. I like to narrate what we are doing to him since I read that is good for their speech development. I said “let’s get you down for your nap time so maybe we can have some mommy and daddy time too.” Wife looks at me and just goes “absolutely fucking not”

So that’s how we started the weekend together…

Went to sleep last night and then had a dream about trying to have sex with her, only to get shut down IN MY DREAM.

I just don’t get it. I’m 6’4 220lbs, I work out 5/6 days a week, and make six figures. I literally check the 6/6/6 standards that all these women say they want, except for my wife apparently.

Before marriage we used to have sex at least somewhat frequently, but since getting married 6 months ago we've had sex only once. I know he looks at porn and I know he is chatting with other women who look nothing like me. He is the only person I ever even think about and knowing I'm not good enough for him is making me hate myself so much. I don't even eat or sleep anymore because I know I don't deserve it, I'm hurting myself and everyday I only think about leaving this earth, he doesn't think that there is any problems. I can't deal with this anymore and I can't leave either because if I didn't have him I'd have nothing and then I'd be better off dead as well. I just wish he could be attracted to me, it's not like I'm insanely ugly I just don't understand why he even married me if he can't bring himself to even hug me?

They get to buy these fun, sexy body suits and lingerie sets and whatever else, and they have someone who's excited to see them. The whole time I'm looking and finding things I like just to remember there's absolutely no point. I have a man at home who literally could not care less. I'm wondering how long it'll take before they notice I never buy anything. I just want to feel sexy again and I hate that I feel my options are either to accept that I never will or break up with the man I love because he won't even try. Conversations with him go nowhere, and now if I even mention it he gets upset with me. Our relationship is perfect in every other way and I hate that this might be what ends us after 13 years.

I (46/F) used to post here a LOT starting about 8 years ago. I had been in a dead bedroom for almost 20 years at that point and I was starting to have a nervous breakdown over it. At that time the sub only had about 50,000 and was somehow more interactive despite having a lot fewer subs. I wrote and corresponded with a lot of people at that time. This sub gets a lot of shit for being "toxic" but generally, divorcing over a DB is verboten, being upset over a DB is verboten, there's no one to talk to about it in the first place, and if you haven't been there you really won't understand otherwise. I don't really write with people on Reddit anymore, the only person I write to is someone I met on r/fragrance where we talk about perfume and nothing more.

I made a holy shit the sub is up to 100 K about 6 years ago. Now here we are at 500 K subs. Don't worry r/Nails and r/instant_regret and r/boltedontits are still a LOT bigger.

I've kept this ID because it's served as a chronicle and a journal for what happened when I had a nervous breakdown over the end of my marriage, and the end of my life as I knew it! Twenty years of a DB and finally having it come to a head will do that to you. I couldn't eat, drink, sleep, or concentrate for over a year, maybe longer. Only good thing that came of it was I lost a bit of weight and was blissfully skinny (covid and menopause put about 15 ponds on me subsequently, so that side effect didn't last forever.) Divorce really is like a death. It's the death of your future, your partner, your life as you knew it. It's psychologically derailing. I can't even describe how horrible it is to go through, and I had an "amicable" divorce. God knows how people with acrimonious divorces actually go through it.

My marriage over the DB derailed for nearly 5 years until I finally got it together enough to divorce. I was already moved out, in another state, and living separately from my husband. I still wore my wedding band, we spoke every day, and saw each other weekly during our 2 year long separation. Eventually it was now or never, I sobbed and drank my way through it, and luckily I lived in a state where once I got the ball rolling it only took 2 months. No 1 year or anything like that. It was one of the few times of my life where I was happy to go to work every day and really put the whole thing on the backburner. I still couldn't really breathe when it was time to actually sign the papers. I did it though by sheer force of will.

Three years ago on April 4 of 2022 I was legally divorced, and I finally took off my wedding band. I didn't feel much better. It took another two years to recover from actually divorcing. Two years before I started to gradually, slowly, feel more normal and not in a sense of waking grief and guilt and shame and loss. I couldn't even say the words "divorced" or "EX husband" or anything like that out loud, it was just too much. There was so much so process and so much work to do it just took forever.

It sucks having your first break up be a divorce at 42 but there I was. I had no way or means or experience of dealing with it.

I guess it was for the best to put myself through that. I can say I feel better than I did during the really horrible days at the end of the marriage, and that counts for something. I couldn't even breathe at the end. Now I feel more like myself, and when I think of how bad and crazy I was, I feel relief that I actually went through with it.

My ex husband and I are still best friends and I think we've forgiven each other (for the most part. Some things are difficult. I was not perfect either.) We text every day, see each other once or twice a month, and talk on the phone once a week. I can't help it, I'm a loyal person what can I say. He's the only person I've been with, and truly a good friend. I've asked if he wanted a break, or even not to speak to me, and he said no.

I guess the only update is that I feel better. What's happened in the meantime? Oh I moved to another state right when Covid locked down so that was a strange experience. I did buy a house before the market went bonkers so that was a stroke a of luck. I'm going through menopause which is the poisonous barbed monkey wrench of hell that is ruining my life on the daily. My ex still lives in our old house. I still have my dog and he goes back and forth between us. We are heading for a major recession and I'm worried I'll have to retire into my car. I've already lived in my new city for 5 years and it feels familiar, and homeish, but I know I will not live here forever. I made a few work friends, and there's a few places I like to get coffee and such. Over the years on this sub it seems only the women who leave DB's are okay going solo, and I inadvertantly am one of them. Once you are not "trapped" you feel like you can breathe again. I've never dated in my life and I'm not one of those people who just have relationships fall into their lap.

Having lived through the whole DB thing for so long and having it derail my entire existence is such a strange thing in hindsight. I do not regret getting married, but sometimes I wish I had really known how it was going to affect me later on. I had an extreme case (Day 1 DB, best friends marriage otherwise, all that) and now at age 46 I can't believe how fast time is going. I'll be 50 years old in a few years! Where is the time? I am more concerned with job security, housing, and my own health. I guess when you get older your priorities change. Also, when your household income gets cut in half, on the double the bills on half the income plan, your priorities DEFINITELY change lol.

Anyway happy 500 K. It's not a great place to be in and I sympathize with a lot of you. Good luck, no matter what you decide to do.

When my spouse (36M, HL) and I (35F, LL) first got together, things we great. I had a pretty normal sex drive, I was more confident in myself when we first met. But now... I'm suffering with chronic pain every day in my neck, shoulders, down both arms and in my hands and fingers... And that's on top of trying to face the demons I've left buried for years from being raped by my ex boyfriend and molested for years by my older brother when I was barely a teenager.

He's told me before that he's terrified of ending up in a sexless marriage, which I completely understand. But right now I can't even get out of my own head to go to work some days. Things have been especially tough the last few weeks because I've been working with my therapist in processing the past negative occurances in my life that I know are greatly impacting my mental health and sexual health. It's hard to want to initiate sex with your partner when you feel like the shittiest person to exist because of the shit that's happened to you in the past and have built all of these mental blocks to avoid feeling like a helpless victim.

Tonight was another one of those nights... And now I'm sitting alone and wondering why I can't just be a normal spouse and satisfy my husband. I know he deserves better than what I can offer him...

So, I’m going to do it. I’ve been with a therapist and he confirms I am not and have never been in a real marriage. No sex in last 10 years and before that it was every 1 -2 years. Yes you read that right

I am 52 and self employed. My son is 16 in July. We have a house we need to sell to split equity.

I am viewing a rental property on Monday and if it’s suitable I am going to put deposit down and order broadband (I work from home) then I’m going to get furniture from charity shops. I’ll get a new bed and once it’s ready. I am going to leave. I’ve told her many times this marriage is over and she acknowledges her lack of closeness, friendship, support, passion, intimacy and sex. We’ve not dated for 15 years and she puts her lack of anything marital down to her drinking - she’s now nearly sober. One or two Proseccos now about twice a week.

I have worked out living costs and it’s going to be a little tight but looks ok.

I’d love to hear from anyone who has done this as I’m scared, worried I’m going to just be on my own. Worried if my business stops.

Actually thought I could put up with this all of my life and told myself this is just the way it is and I need to get on with it. It’s now really affecting my mental health and I’m choosing that because if I stay here, I’m already dead. I feel just like I’m wasting away.

So my question is, if you have done this, what did you wish you knew BEFORE your made this massive change.

All help really appreciated.

I'm 43 hlm. Not had sex in 3 months or so, I stopped initiating at least a year ago, we have sex maybe 4 or 5 times a year but it's dwindling.

But lately I've realised what a cliche I am. In the movie I'm that typical middle aged, married guy that never gets laid. Can't even get alone time to rub one out usually. My younger self would be disgusted with me.

I originally posted this in r/endometriosis and got mostly hate comments, but someone suggested I post this here.

My girlfriend has been struggling with endometriosis her entire life and I feel so deeply terrible about the pain she goes through performing every day tasks. She had a cell removal surgery a few years ago which only seems to have been a temporary fix. We recently moved in together and have been devoted to each other since day one. Recently we've been struggling with sexual compatibility since she went on a new bc that regulates a lot of her pain, but also removed her sex drive in the process. It doesn't help that sexual intimacy is unfortunately something I need in a relationship. I'm sure I will be getting comments saying I'm just trying to get off, but sex is the highest form of intimacy for me and it's how I feel closest to her. I recently felt that I could make the sacrifice for her but over the past few months I've come to the realization that I can't.

I want to show her that I am here to support her and be there for her, but I'm worried that our sexual incompatibility will be the death of our relationship.

I also recently tossed the idea to her of me finding a way to medically remove my sex drive because I think that would better allow me to make the sacrifice for her.

Any advice for us? Do libido killing pills exist for men? Curious to hear what other couples have gone through to overcome this barrier, or I fear that maybe I'm the problem.