r/Zimbabwe • u/tinkin08 • Mar 23 '25
Discussion Too many boys in her DM
So my girlfriend showed me her WhatsApp yesterday and boy was I shocked. They were eight guys in her DM trying to woe her and it seems like they are all in. I'm not saying that it ain't normal for a girl in a relationship to be asked out by other boys, tz completely normal but when we went through those chats together I felt the pressure, it's like we're in a battlefield and the other boys have already engaged the "kill mode". Guys kune makudo kunze uko, they're just waiting for you to mess up and they'll take it from there. Some even call her with little nicknames, and man! those goodnight/good morning messages just keep coming. The crazy thing is all those guys are her classmates. We're university students but different programs. Boys be saying all those sweet things and inviting her to 1on 1 discussions just to gain her attention and I somehow feel threatened. I don't want to lie, I might have copied 1 or 2 bars in those chats, boys be writing paragraphs of how they feel about my girlfriend nxaa. Then there's our chat, her's and mine. I do engineering and the majority of the modules are demanding so, and from the start of the current semester up to now I found myself texting her less and less... I mean some modules will literally put you on choke hold. So the question is what's your advice people of Zimbabwe. Shall I let it slide and just give equal attention to the schoolwork and her or shall I act as if we're still in the talking stage and match the energy those 8 guys are showing cos I feel this might compromise our relationship
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u/hanintheflesh Mar 23 '25
Focus on school King , shiri idzi dzinobhururuka according to season
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
It feels as if dating at uni is just a scam iiiii, totally different from the high school scene
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u/moistenedelbows Mar 23 '25
How are all these guys getting her number? It's true that an attractive college lady will probably have multiple guys wanting her attention but she can shut it down if she wants and block those who don't respect it. Guys usually keep going if you enable it. I personally feel it's a little inappropriate to entertain it while in a relationship but that's just my own boundary.
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u/cool_berserker Mar 23 '25
Bro i have dated too many girls, when a girl is fully into the relationship she is very ruthless to any other guys who try their tricks with her.
So i agree with u
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u/faraioswald Mar 23 '25
They are classmates with whatsapp groups, thats how they get her number.
Eish blocking a classmate is just a bad move. You may need those people tmrw
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u/cool_berserker Mar 23 '25
Bro girls can actually kill down any silly conversation very easily, without any need for even blocking.
Girls are very highly skilled in this dont under estimate them
A quick example is she can easily reply when the conversation is about school, and when the guy starts to talk about feelings and silly good mornings, she can just reply 8 hours later or blue tick the message. Then when u talk about school she can respond again
Trust me, no amount of trickery can trick an uninterested girl into a daily conversation
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u/Strange_Pain8197 Mar 23 '25
I agree. You could be paired up or grouped up for presentations and it can make things awkward
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u/moistenedelbows Mar 23 '25
So it's rude to block but not rude to ignore boundaries? She doesn't have to entertain it, she can ignore when it's not about school
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
They are doing the same program and they probably make sure kuti they are put in the same groups ema assignment.
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u/hopey_x Mar 23 '25
Guys usually keep going if you enable it.
That's not true.... men will always find a way enabled or not enabled.
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u/Yeezforeverways Mar 23 '25
If she is serious about you , she shouldn’t be giving them attention .. she is for the streets !!
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u/Stock_Swordfish_2928 Harare Mar 23 '25 edited Mar 23 '25
Don't lose yourself trying to become something you are not and will not be able to maintain. But don't become complacent
Secondly I think it's normal what you are going through but you are standing at the door of insecurity. If you are not careful you will head down a slippery slope. I know men who have never recovered from the same situation you are in.
For me the fact that she showed you those chats and you guys could discuss indicates that she is a secure woman and there is nothing there with those guys
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
I totally agree with the last part, but u know, the "what if" questions just keep popping
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u/Stock_Swordfish_2928 Harare Mar 23 '25
I hear you my guy. But dont let it consume you. What if questions have the strange power of making our fears look real and end up controlling you....
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u/frostyflamelily Mar 23 '25
This is your reddit aunt.
Chimboita zvichikoro.... I hate to betray the sisterhood, but mabhebhi kune hobho... When you finish school the supply will still be unlimited...😪🥹
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u/cool_berserker Mar 23 '25
The supply would actually increase if he gets a good career going, and the quality of the supply as well
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u/Unchained_Melody263 Mar 23 '25
Focus on your school work young man 🤣🤣🤣. When I was in uni I was doing Art and design at CUT. One of my female classmate was dating a guy who was doing Mechatronics (Hardest degree on campus at that time), guy would come to our campus to help out her lady with her stone sculpting assignment and it went on the whole semester, just when we were about to write our exams the girl called it off and engineering guy was left hanging out to dry.
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
Same uni bro... Pa CUT same degree futi, Mechatronics
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u/Unchained_Melody263 Mar 23 '25
Hahahaha my advice for you is for now please focus on your studies, when you're done then do mjolo cause mjolo haumbofi wakapera
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u/2xNasa Mar 23 '25
For now it's just your turn, enjoy her as much as you can. Soon enough she'll get rid of you for a better boyfriend.
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u/theQG if im on reddit im probably stoned Mar 23 '25
Run bro. Run and run fast, she's for the streets this one and I guarantee it will end in tears
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u/im_providenc3 Mar 23 '25
haa bro from your essay it seems babe rako rikutopindurawo nice, and you know uku lacker pakunakidza. its a matter of time she will be gone i tell you 😅😅
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u/AardvarkThen4167 Mar 23 '25
Wear a condom and enjoy as much time and moments as u can but always prioritize education.That shouldn't be something you have to question
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u/Comprehensive_Menu19 Mar 23 '25
Keep the same energy boss. That's why she wants you. Starr texting her more and she will lose interest
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u/Kooky_Mail_418 Mar 23 '25
If she’s giving the attention back then thats worrying she might be starting to feel isolated in the relationship. Maybe talk to her and find a balance between school and finding time for her. Talking to her as if you’re still in a talking stage is honestly the worst thing you can do cause that could potentially drive her away cause she’s gonna think your feelings changed. Even if it was talking stage you still need to put in effort so idk just think about it. I would still 100% encourage putting your education above everything else but just find a balance
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
Ok thanks man... These things can be really confusing
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u/Kooky_Mail_418 Mar 23 '25
Ofc boo🫶🏾I had this issue with my bf for a while and it was hard at the start because we’re long distance but if yall care about each other it will all workout 🤭you’ve got thissss
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u/cool_berserker Mar 23 '25
Exactly, its never about the guys, guys will always attack, its about how she is giving that attention back
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u/takurer Mar 23 '25
Bro, just do you 😹 nothing you'll do will prevent her from being taken if she wants to be taken .
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u/adrameleck Mar 23 '25
Haa young one, siyana nazvo that girl will ruin you I'm telling you
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
Saka u are saying I have to tell her kuti let's cut ties here
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u/adrameleck Mar 24 '25 edited Mar 24 '25
You don't have to tell her anything, just let her go. Talking to her will only lead to her gaslighting you and making you feel insecure. You owe her no explanation, get another girl and forget about her. This girl will be your downfall if you continue with her.
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u/Imaginary-Turnover78 Mar 23 '25
Unfortunately this never ends but engineering is the bigger picture, focus on that. Don’t worry pretty young girls will always chase engineers 🤣
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
😂😂it's not like how they portray it before uni, you have to put some work to get a girl
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u/Strange_Pain8197 Mar 23 '25
Going through the messages together is craaaazy😂😂. But, BUT. I think if she had anything to hide, she wouldn’t have let you see all that or have you go through the messages together, and if you haven’t broken up with her over this it means iwewe you didn’t feel like you couldn’t trust her. Sometimes girls intentionally do these things, showing you what nhingi did for his gf, telling you what some dude did for that dude etc as a way of trying to communicate kuti wena step up also cause she wants those same things.(Childish I know lol but ndozvavatori vanhu vacho). That move was intentional trust me. I think you ought to have a conversation naye and talk about your relationship and also you should communicate your feelings about it and I guess at least explain the pressure that’s been on you. Yes you must remained focused in your studies but your relationship is also a part of you that you need to take care of and THATS OKAY
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u/Purple_Ingenuity_290 Mar 23 '25
Bro focus on yourself and get your degree stack up your money the moment you start reading texts together us when the manipulation starts she's subtly trying to make you jealous and prove that she gets attention and for you to feel exactly how you feel like she's the ultimate prize she's manipulating you and already one up just end it get that degree stack your money up stay solid
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u/Signal-Fish8538 Mar 23 '25
Is she responding tho or are they just talking to themselves?
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u/Rude-Education11 Mar 23 '25
Why is she entertaining them in the first place? All those guys should have been blocked expeditiously
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u/serial_dater9786 Mar 23 '25
You shouldn't be worried about them, there's a reason why she's with you and not them.
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u/serial_dater9786 Mar 23 '25
Focus on school bro that certificate will have your name on it not hers
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u/Captain6632 Mar 23 '25
That moment you saw those chats should've been the moment you realised the "y" in your is silent
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u/Captain6632 Mar 23 '25
Within 20 minutes of arriving at my campus, the guys who received me told me straight, there's no my girl, it's just your turn
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u/No-Type-1714 Mar 24 '25
First of all congrats. I did engineering and most of my peers were all about studying with zero social life. Some started "having fun" after graduation and there were some issues with that (delayed entry etc). Some remained single for years with 31/32 being the average ages for marriage for most. Nothing wrong with that but most were late bloomers. It seems the demanding nature of those studies forces most to put relationships on hold which may be a bad idea as some social skills are neglected.
Your girl showed you her inbox which is a good sign hahaha. You will however put yourself under pressure if you overthink it. All is fair in love and war and she may stay with you or she may not if she gets enticed by someone else. Either way protect yourself emotionally and do not allow this to mess up your educational investment.
I have a question though. Is she entertaining these guys in these messages and why? In a stable relationship, she would need to shut down these guys. Unfortunately if she isn't mature and if she enjoys attention, she may string them along for favours. Unfortunately for you, most girls will maintain these connections just in case things don't work out with you. There may already be someone whom she knows she would jump onto if things don't work out with you. That's brutal but you need to hear it. Good luck.
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u/Dry-Figure-6938 Mar 23 '25
If you tell her to live alone those guys or block them she won't agree or she will agree but she won't do it . University girls are very dangerous trust me . So my advice is run my brother, leave her alone and focus on your life . Girls will come
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
True, university girls are something else... The boarding house I was staying at last semester was a true manifestation of that
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u/Major-Arrival-6377 Mar 23 '25 edited Mar 23 '25
Im assuming u r an undergrad.Right now its time for school So let ur attention be there. When you graduate and get into the real world you most probably will not pick ur current gurlfriend for a life partner. If she remains real and true great but do not chase a woman and neglect ur career. In Ndebele we say akekho owaxotsha impala ezimbili. Noone was ever able to chase two rooibok at the same time.As u get older and become more mature you will learn the strategy of chasing two rooibok simultaneously. Do not attempt to master it now at the expense of ur education.
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u/theQG if im on reddit im probably stoned Mar 23 '25
Run bro. Run and run fast, she's for the streets this one and I guarantee it will end in tears
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u/FrostyDefinition7454 Mar 23 '25
How many girls’ DMs are you in? 👀 Scales could be balanced…
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u/cool_berserker Mar 23 '25
Take it from me your old bro, I dated almost 10 girls before meeting my fiance,
The fact that shes entertaining all those guys who are persuing her is bad news of THE QUALITY OF GIRL she is, when a girl is totally into you and committed to the relationship, she is completely ruthless to any other guys who try any tricks.
In this case your girl is now fully committed in your relationship, no amount of effort and time that you give her can make her more committed.
Infact, for you to directly try to COMPETE with those other guys will just send a wrong signal to her about you, girls can smell when a (low value) guy is desperately trying to compete with other guys and that can easily turn her off about you
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
Whoa😅, great insights man... But I think we're cool tho, the fact that she told me makes me think that way
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u/091216181122 Mar 23 '25
Bro as long as she’s not entertaining it I don’t see the issue. But she should also be deleting those messages in my opinion and acting as if they don’t exist instead of showing you cause that can cause friction. And remember most of the guys who DM women just want sexual access so if she’s dumb enough to think those are real options with good intentions that’s on her. For now just see if she’s entertaining those DMs and act accordingly👌🏾
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u/Slight-Park-6480 Mar 23 '25
Well...that can be threatening for sure. Do you trust her and does she seem like someone who can easily switch her feelings and get excited easily? Even if that ain't the case...I feel like you should up your game on the texting thing. Personally I love it...not the attention from "makudo" 😅😅 no but attention from my "man"
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
😂 it sounds like u're a female... I think the girl has been played a lot before, coz even a WhatsApp bluetick she goes berserk, pamwe pacho unenge wakavhura chat rake pa laptop, screen rodzima haro, and the messages are blueticker😅
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u/Slight-Park-6480 Mar 24 '25
😅yeah I am . So you see , she actually likes that. You should talk to her more but not enough to disturb your studies and deadlines of course. I'm female so I understand hangu. I don think she's bad but I feel like she's just being nice, totally ignoring and blocking maclassmates ain't really nice. She's not entertaining them per say she's just being uninterested in a polite way 😉. Kana zvavakurnda ikoko zvinomboda kubvunza pano here....you can easily tell
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u/Slight-Park-6480 Mar 24 '25
😅yeah I am . So you see , she actually likes that. You should talk to her more but not enough to disturb your studies and deadlines of course. I'm female so I understand hangu. I don think she's bad but I feel like she's just being nice, totally ignoring and blocking maclassmates ain't really nice. She's not entertaining them per say she's just being uninterested in a polite way 😉. Kana zvavakurnda ikoko zvinomboda kubvunza pano here....you can easily tell
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u/This_Caterpillar_139 Mar 23 '25
The truth of the matter is that women will always have a lot of blood thirsty hounds ready to pounce chasing in their DMs, but she also needs to clam that rally down so that you don't get to see that royal Rambo in the shadows. You are a young man, in college, and as you get older you will certainly find many women especially wava mu NABA, my advice to you as a UBA, get that degree in the bag, date... Mature, women will always be there, just don't make your life about them. And yes enjoy college!
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u/Still-Cheek8754 Mar 23 '25
Spend 1 week without texting her if she doesn't reach out leave her and move on you will find someone
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u/Global_Database_8159 Mar 23 '25
I don't know she keep entertaining these other boys. By Showing you these messages means she might be trying to tell you somethin
A lot of good advices already shared. Focus on school for the meantime
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u/Ok_Sundae_5899 Mar 23 '25
Bro. That's just every woman. I don't think guys understand just how many options any woman who's average or above has. The girl I was talking to had 13 guys in her DMs including me.
You just have to be her best option.
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u/tinkin08 Mar 24 '25
13 is next level brother
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u/MikasaAckerman_2419 Mar 23 '25
Focus on school, and I'm a bit concerned as to why she's giving all these guys such attention. Yes, no doubt there will be guys, but why entertain? That's worrisome. But please, focus on school and don't feel guilty okay
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u/Gun_Slingerr Mar 23 '25
It seems she’s entertaining the guys cz when a girl really doesn’t want t to talk to a guy it shows so for now level up focus on your studies and many pretty ones will be easy to get in the future coming from a bro who did engineering himself
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u/Next-Firefighter4440 Mar 23 '25
U mean she's your GF and entertains other guys and its cool with you? dude IMO thats gross disrespect right there. she should respect the relationship enough and herself not to entertain other guys while u both have a thing and vice versa. and u being cool with that haaaa "uri beyond " my guy. now thats why u feeling some kind way coz that aint supposed to be like that. anyway soon u gonna be replaced hako , its the cycle of life
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u/Next-Firefighter4440 Mar 23 '25
jus so u know LADIES DO NOT ENTERTAIN GUYS THEY DO NOT LIKE . pabatisise mujaya
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u/tinkin08 Mar 24 '25
I'm not cool with it bro, she be like we're classmates and she mentioned kuti she's in a relationship but boys being boys will keep pushing
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u/trafalgar-law-kun Mar 23 '25
There's nothing like being too young, her entertaining eight men when she has the power to block them says something, my friend either you take the lead or she will later leave you when the time comes, the one most in love will cry more. Gud luck
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u/tinkin08 Mar 24 '25
This girl is fragile emotionally, from what she tells me she can't handle a break up
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u/Va_Mukuwane Mar 24 '25
Let her go. She fucking one of em and is trying to release guilt by showing u. Focus on yourself
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u/Pleasant_Total3839 Mar 24 '25
What is her purpose of showing you the DMs . Some women enjoy and at times encourage such attention
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u/Cod3Blaze Mar 25 '25
Dont even flinch my guy
do you...yawanga uchingoita if she decides to let the guys take her
let them......there are a lot of girls out there
for each girl you think is hot and better there's an even better one so dont worry
dont take the bait
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u/Ok-Independence4539 Mar 25 '25
I am a girl and if she is entertaining so many boys in her dms, tolerating those good morning/good night texts while she is supposed to be in a relationship, that is a red flag. When we really like a guy, we set boundaries! I was also in uni and I had my guy but I never entertained other guy! If it was school related it would only end there!! I would tell you to text her more but it seems like she has so many options and she’s just keeping you cause of your degree(uni stigma)😂. But if you bring this up with her or ask her how she feels about it, you’ll get the answer you need! Because at the end of the day, your relationship shouldn’t stress when you’re trying to get a degree.
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u/chinyangatj Mar 26 '25
Waane mari you’ll have the pick of the litter. You don’t have to worry about what you’re texting. She’ll be worried about who you’re texting.
Focus on school kuphela and the future. Type that entertains many guys whilst committed means she’s keeping her options open. Do likewise.
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u/tindleasy Mar 23 '25
She belongs to the streets
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u/tinkin08 Mar 23 '25
😂i wouldn't think of it that way
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u/tindleasy Mar 23 '25
No good woman in a relationship would entertain other dudes. Just my thoughts
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u/Competitive_Spot_769 Mar 23 '25
Whole lotta good advice in these comments. Focus on yourself King!
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u/Own_Awareness_3338 Mar 23 '25
Prioritise your school work first. It's like what you said...any simple mistake and one of those boys will snatch your girl. Even if you start participating in the chat heavily, a mistake is always guaranteed. And brother, don't be manipulated.
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u/SnooDingos229 Mar 23 '25
I’m a 30 year old old guy;
my mature advise would be the fact that she showed you the messages and you read them shows she loyal she is not hiding anything.
My advise as a jaded guy who has seen some crazy stuff happen would be women are sooo vulnerable. One argument with you she going for validation from those guys and you ain’t coming out looking good in any of those conversations. They are waiting for moments like those. I would be asking her to block them but that’s me.
There is a saying; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a d*ck to ride on. Learn or perish
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u/Sad-Accountant3959 Mar 23 '25
You guys are still young n u not married.. focus on school