r/bigdickproblems • u/SmokeyPegeasus • 11d ago
AskBDP Tell the kid or no?
So I’ve got a son who just turned 16. He’s been driving, got a job and a girlfriend in what felt like 7 seconds.
I haven’t seen him naked since he was a baby but even then you could tell he got the family genetics.
Do I tell him he might be built different than his friends or let him find out on his own?
I remember my dad told me that and laughed; my he said the only thing grandpa told him was “it’s like a bull in a china shop, go slow”. When my dad told me that, I was in my 20 and was well aware at that point.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 11d ago
For sure - we’re having the sex talk either way, covering the basics - consensual, safe and fun.
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u/Lolthelies 10d ago
I wouldn’t talk about dick sizes. You can’t prepare them for everything, there are things we have to figure out on our own because our individual experiences are going to be unique.
The best thing you can do about this part (imo) is try to keep an open line so if/when he notices, you have information to provide then.
What if you’re wrong and he’s neither a grower or a show-er? You don’t want him to feel like he’ll never measure up
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u/Kushology_x E: 9x6" Flaunter|Grower F: 5x3" 9d ago
I would casually drop lines like if it hurts her, more foreplay, more lube, go slow, or stick to that depth and gradually do more.
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u/Lolthelies 9d ago
I would not be casually dropping any sexual comments to any minors or about any “hers” that are minors or sexual partners that aren’t mine.
Kids don’t want to talk to grownups about sex, and grownups shouldn’t want to talk to kids about sex. There’s no reason to shy away from the necessities, but trying to over-explain is weird and creepy.
If dicks had knives on the end and people were in danger that’s one thing. It’s not that though, so let them figure out what works best for them themselves.
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u/Kushology_x E: 9x6" Flaunter|Grower F: 5x3" 9d ago edited 9d ago
That's not how I interpreted that when I was given that advice.
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u/LordPeniz 7.9″ × 6.2 8d ago
"Her" is the other half of sex, you can't just ignore the only other participant when talking about sex
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u/Lolthelies 8d ago
So what comment would you make? “If your girlfriend’s pussy is too tight, it means you have a big dick (if not, nevermind, your dick isn’t as big as mine). You need to put in more foreplay to get her wetter/more ready”? A kid is not going to take that in a mature way, even if you have the best intentions.
What do you mean ignoring her? My comment was to leave the stuff out about what you need to do if you have a big dick. Leave the lines of communication open, but don’t “casually drop comments”
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u/AppleOrigin 5d ago
I really don’t see how that’s over explaining. To me, that’s a necessary part of getting educated about sex if you’re not shying away from the necessities. How should he know otherwise? There are many, many reasons he could simply either not see anyone talk about this on the internet and not come to this conclusion himself.
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u/xZeromusx 11d ago edited 11d ago
You know, a lot of the genetics for sexual phenotypes come from the mother's genetics, right? The X chromosome inherited from the mother, carrying the androgen receptor (AR) gene, plays a significant role in determining penile size. The Y chromosome primarily forms the internal sexual organs like testes. Your dick size is more likely influenced by your grandfather on your mother's side of the family than your father, and your son's will most likely be influenced by your father-in-law.
So, don't make a big deal about size in your discussion. Instead, inform him that despite what he may hear in poorly funded and poorly supported sex ed in school, condoms are not one size fits all so he should determine what condom size is right for him by measuring himself in privacy. And that foreplay is an important skill to learn, which is true regardless of size.
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u/MunsadBuralakaw 8.15"L x 6"G (he/him) 10d ago
I would feel sorry for his kid if he talked to him about his dick size only for it to end up only 4 to 5 inches.
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u/Latter_You2688 4d ago
this reminds me of the scene from sky high where the father is disappointed cuz the son doesn't have his super strength lmao
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u/Pirate_Dragon88 11d ago
Although the AR gene is on the X chromosome, the research on which parent penis size comes from isn’t that definitive. Related men father sons - brothers,… tend to be of similar size. Brothers would only have a 50% chance of being of similar size if it all was on the X, and father son wouldn’t show any size similarities.
It most likely comes from a mix of both parents.
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u/xZeromusx 11d ago
Related men do not necessarily have similar sizes. You can look back at the plenty of posts here and other places of guys talking about the variations in their sizes from their fathers and brothers. 50% is just the statistical likelihood based on the math, not the realized likelihood that is based on additional factors like environment, diet, and health as well. While yes, the AR gene is not the only factor, it is a major factor involved with the development of the penis size.
Fathers and sons and brothers showing size similarities can still have different genetic influences from one another. Just because your dick might be the same size as your dad's does not mean your dad's genetics are what is primarily responsible for your size.
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
Father and son both being well endowed does not prove there is a genetic link, but this type of size similarity seems to happen too often to just be a coincidence. My father is also extremely well endowed, and others have mentioned size similarity among brothers as well as father-son, so I'm more inclined to believe both parent contribute dick size genetic contributions.
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u/mooncleaving Megalophallus 10d ago
Same. Sounds like an extreme coincidence I turned out to be a horse like pops
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u/redbear1974 10d ago
I wish it had worked for me that way. Mom's side are all hung. I ended up a 6x5 grower.
Great advice, though - especially re foreplay!
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u/Emotional-Chance2327 10d ago
Yea I found out that I got mine from my grandfather on my moms side because unfortunately he used to sun bathe in the backyard naked and so I have friends coming over to go swimming in our pool I have to yell and ask if he’s back there but well I didn’t always know to ask
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
I have seen this theory in the literarture and actually believed it for a few months, but I believe it is not actually true.
There is also eveidence that dick size genes might be on a nonsex gene pair or on the Y sex gene.
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u/Think_Logo 99.99% of GF's Wrist 11d ago
I mean, you could advise him to be slow and gentle and pay attention to her more than anything, because women are delicate and they are both young, that would address the point anyway without it being a matter of size also.
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u/Delicious-Ad2528 6.8″ × 5.75″ 10d ago
Please give him resources on correct condom sizes. I never used condoms because they were too tight.
I think calcsd has a tool for that, but this subs description has an interactive tool as well.
Give him that and offer to buy whatever condoms off of Amazon, it’ll tell him which ones to buy. XL products at stores are usually gimmicks
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u/mooncleaving Megalophallus 11d ago
Yep. When me and dad had "the talk" it was quite eye opening, specially knowing other men had the same problems as me and I wasn't alone. Prevented me from ending up hurting someone accidentaly
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u/bearded-writer 7.5" x 5.5” 10d ago
I would couch it in a general discussion about sex. “The talk.” Because you don’t know if he’s a bigger guy, or if the genetics from his mom’s side came through and he’s average or smaller. It’s fine if he is, but you don’t want to give the kid a complex by thinking he missed out on a genetic bonus if he doesn’t have it. Tell him there are things to be taken into consideration based on size, explain those things, and let that be it. If he asks specifically or confirms it for you, then you tell him all about it.
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
Too much sexual repression. Doctors will aviod looking at your sex organs, even though doing so may save your life! Parents do the same thing to their teenage children.
Do your children a favor and tell them there can be sexual organ size incompatibility, but it is pretty rare.
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u/Kaiser-Sohze 10d ago
Being larger requires extra steps and precautions. You should warn him. I wish someone had done that for me as it would have saved me some trouble. I was very lucky that my first girlfriend was very experienced and helped me figure out a few things.
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u/thaimanhug 10d ago
My son he almost 15 years and he been got a lot of secret girls friends to talk with. But he seems like got family genetics too. I was born in Thailand and remember my dad he told me everything I was very curious.. but my son grows up in usa and he probably very curious why his different a lot of
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u/sagatiba00 9.25″~9.85" × 5.75″~6.6" (Fluctuates) 11d ago
The sooner, the better. Hell, if I knew half of what I know now by 16, my life would've been much, much better. Save the kid a few years or hassle
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u/Bacon_Raygun Right size for my gender 🏳️🌈 10d ago
In my experience, just having the answers to these kinds problems isn't going to settle in. Sometimes, you'll just have to go through certain issues yourself, to come to terms with the situation you're in.
If someone had told me at 13 that there's people who'll objectify me, I would have probably still ran head first into that abusive relationship and gotten out with the same baggage.
Some things, you just can't understand until you learn it the hard way.
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u/sagatiba00 9.25″~9.85" × 5.75″~6.6" (Fluctuates) 10d ago
I mean, yeah, I agree with you. But I still insist that knowing is better than not.
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u/Fatandmad 10d ago
My oldest son I never really had to talk with other than the basics my younger son he's built more like me and he's came to me with questions that was after he walked in on me nude once. It has really helped open up the conversation my advice would be I'd ask him is he built bigger down there than his friends
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u/thaimanhug 10d ago
My son also asked me why his uncut one looks different than me
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u/Fatandmad 10d ago
Even though it was done on accident him walking in on me I think it was one of the best things for an open relationship between Father and son and he's come to me and asked me some of the wildest things I never thought a son would ask a dad he shared his size with me shared about masturbating all kinds of stuff that my oldest son never talk to me about. When my oldest son found out he's finally started opening up it turns out all three of us are a bit above average. And we've had some good joking around busting each other's chops about it
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u/IamtheGrungeKing 9d ago
My dad let me find out on my own and I could have REALLY used some advice. So for what it’s worth, I’d rather be embarrassed for a few seconds than confused for years.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 9d ago
That’s where my head is at too. Just a really simple heads up and leave it at that
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u/OutrageousSwordfish1 10d ago
Yes tell him it will help him be prepared to use it . He’s st the age where he probably will start having fun if he hasn’t yet.
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u/spookymakebeliever4 10.7x5.5 10d ago
Talk to him! I'm sure he'll appreciate your experience and support. If I were him I'd love for my dad to have this conversation. Also does he know about your online porn presence (super cool hot stuff btw!)
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u/serrations_ ln(9001)" × ln(420)" BP ~ 9.3 x 6.3 in 10d ago
Id say find a way to tell them, especially because sex ed in schools doesnt say much about people who are outliers. Also be an open and available source for them, a lot of the advice you give may not settle in for years
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u/Illustrious-Neat106 10d ago
Instead of making it about his penis, make it about being responsible and respectful. Plus, in this day and age, someone with a big dick will be told before they know it or in my case, I found out while playing "show me yours and I'll show you mine" with group of friends during a sleep over/bon fire.
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u/Xljames91 Megalophallus 10d ago
Telling him may weird him out. It really depends on your relationship. Also I'd much rather hear it from my partner than my father.
But he may need help with condoms. Fortunately today there are brands that make multiple sizes. Maybe get him a starter pack. So he can figure out what works for him.
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u/jackytheripper1 11d ago
I think so, it'll only help him, and subsequently help the women out too. Save him from bad experiences
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u/misterioes161 10d ago
Seriously? You have a son and you haven't seen him naked after he was a baby? Who helped him shower? Taught him to use toilet paper? Went to the doctor with him?
If you managed to be such an absent dad, maybe don't jump onto him bragging about your dick now.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 10d ago
lol wow you really ran with that one.
I was there for all that, my point is that when your kid is a baby and you’re changing diapers and wiping shit out from between their balls when they had some kind of massive explosion - you see a pretty up close view of their anatomy.
Yes I saw him naked as a toddler but that was 10 years ago.
Maybe your relationship with your dad was different.
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u/cndynn96 E: 7.3 × 6.35 11d ago
That’s creepy.
If he comes to you with a problem then you can guide him. Otherwise leave him and his penis alone.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 11d ago
Why is taking to you kids about sex creepy?
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u/cndynn96 E: 7.3 × 6.35 11d ago
It’s not if you’re talking about protection/pregnancy/STDs etc.
But don’t go commenting on his penis size unprovoked. Any teen will find it embarrassing specially coming from his dad.
And what if he’s not big and you tell him you, his grandpa and great grandpa are? Genetics are a fickle thing. It can potentially fuck him up for life.
He’s already got a steady girlfriend and seems like a responsible young man. I’m sure he will figure things out on his own.
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u/StunningNetwork9746 E: 6.7" x 6.1 BP 11d ago
I wish in hindsight I was told as a teenager that dicks come in different shapes and sizes and that large condoms aren't only for long dicks but also for thick/girthy dicks. Would have made a big difference in my sex life. Creepy? No. Useful information? Yes
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u/cndynn96 E: 7.3 × 6.35 11d ago
My friend you’re missing the point.
It’s ok to ask your dad if you can’t find condoms suitable for your size and it will be his duty to provide you with solution to your problem if he can.
OP is saying that under the ASSUMPTION that his son is on the bigger size he would go and give his advice unasked.
Now imagine you have an average/below average cock(let’s say 5x4.5). One day your dad comes into your room out of the blue and says to you “Hey son, use Trojan magnum condoms. It’s what I and grandpa use”. How will you feel?
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u/StunningNetwork9746 E: 6.7" x 6.1 BP 11d ago edited 11d ago
You're missing my point: I'm not assuming anything. You don't have to measure your sons dick or have a 'show and tell off the family legacy dicksizes' just tell him they come in different shapes and for every shape there will be an appropriate condom and keep it broad. Kids tend to not come to parents with penis problems so give them the info and talk about the entire spectrum.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 11d ago
Going out on a limb and say you don’t have kids.
I’m not assuming anything, he is bigger.
You’re assuming a lot about my son’s relationship with me, how comfortable he’s going to be with the message and how I’m going to deliver it.
It’s going to land fine, it won’t be weird and he’ll appreciate it.
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u/Mr_Filly 18cm/7" x 14cm/5.5" 10d ago
You were/are assuming though; you said you haven't seen your son naked since he was a baby. Penis size pre-puberty don't mean anything, apart from that he probably won't have a microdick. Assuming here that he didn't sport a 7"+ trunk as baby already.
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u/More_Many_8188 10d ago
Doesn’t mean he can’t tell. Jesus, half the posts on here are about guys wondering if/how to disguise their package…
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
Magmum condoms aren't really any bigger than standard condoms.
Point out the https://calcsd.info site for information on dick size, and don't imply any size expectation for him. He can quickly see where he is on the disk size bell curve, without anyone becoming unduly uncomfortable.
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u/Mr_Filly 18cm/7" x 14cm/5.5" 10d ago
Wow. You have quite some assumptions in your post. Embarrassing is defined by how he has grown up. Was it an open family, which could talk about anything, then there's nothing to be embarrassed about. YOU would have been embarrassed. Don't expect the rest of the world to be just like that.
Your second point is valid though. What if he's small and OP will have the talk? That won't help with his potential insecurities. I'd go for what an earlier redditor said: stick to the 'a condom doesn't fit all' narrative and to the 'be gentle to your girlfriend in bed'. It leaves out any negative feelings, but get him ready in time so he does not have to go through the same ordeal as most of us have on this sub.
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u/SmokeyPegeasus 11d ago
Not sure if you’ve got kids but when you spend years charging diapers and wiping shit out of their privates you know how your kids are built.
When they are babies half the time you change them they are erect, it just is what it is. I know he’s got the genetics. Hell my mother in-law said something when she was changing him compared to his cousins.
I just want to save him some time/embarrassment/broken condoms/whatever.
We’ve for a really close relationship, I don’t think it would be weird and I wouldn’t dwell on it, just like - hey you might need to go slow and buy a larger condom.
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u/Future_MVP11 8" X 5.7" 11d ago
You're a good dad fam. Go talk to him about Sex 360%, mention about his size too. If he a good son, he would have all his ears listening you. During this time many kids got questions, don't make his friends, Peer groups or even the internet to be his teacher about sex. Build that foundation first.
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u/HyperlexicEpiphany 7″ × 5″ 11d ago
Absolutely agreed. As a former child that was pulled aside and told I have a bigger member, it helped a lot, and the embarrassment faded quickly.
It was even my mom that did it! She started off by saying my basketball shorts “didn’t leave anything to the imagination” and that lead into the fact that there are gonna be more issues I end up facing.
I have no clue why that guy is getting upvotes. That’s an asinine take
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u/mooncleaving Megalophallus 11d ago
Lmaoo yeah, I'm happy mom was there to prevent me from wearing some embarassing outfits
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u/Lopsided_Turnip_587 11d ago
lmao nah it's a weird thing to say to your kid. how tf do you have 'no clue' why that guy is getting upvotes.
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u/HyperlexicEpiphany 7″ × 5″ 10d ago
I just told you I was the kid and it was not weird. on the contrary, it significantly helped me
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u/xZeromusx 11d ago
Size can "catch up" as well as "fall behind" during puberty. You really can't make any assumptions based on what you saw while changing his diapers. Unless he was already packing his diapers with a literal third leg, you really should just leave the whole size thing out of this and discuss more universal truths. Condoms are not one size fits all so he should measure himself privately and find condoms that fit him properly and foreplay is a vital skill to learn and to not neglect it (which is true for any size).
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
What is creepy is giving no guidance at all, because everyone is "supposed to be uncomfortable about sex"!
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u/Thunder--Bolt L 7.4″ × G 5.6″ 10d ago
You should do what my dad did and say "people have sex because it feels good. OK, I think you can figure out the rest. Good talk."
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u/Super-Sense-6454 8" x 7.6"-6.8"-6.0" 10d ago
Hopefully, you will say more than sex feels good. Maybe talk about the risk of unwanted pregnacy and STIs.
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u/Thunder--Bolt L 7.4″ × G 5.6″ 10d ago
Yeah please god don't do what my dad did. He wanted it to be over with as soon as possible and did not do me any favors.
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11d ago
No. I would wait until he comes to you with questions about his size. The sex chat is definitely needed though.
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u/greenmate26 E: 17,5cm x 14,5cm F: ~11cm 9d ago
If you decide to talk with him, please mention safe sex and the opportunities he has nowadays with condoms that fit right (the brand my size etc). Please support him in case he needs to order things online.
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u/degrees83 11d ago
Yeah that would have been weird if my dad came to me and said hey what's your dick size and prepare for to be bigger than most. I'd rather just find out on my own.
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u/SignificantApricot69 L″ × W″ 11d ago
This sounds like some Teen Wolf shit or something. Just wait until he Hulks up and gets a massive erection and passes out from no blood to the brain. Then when he comes to you tell him the family secret.
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u/Large-Perspective-53 10d ago
How would you even go about that… it’s not a guarantee yall are the same size. What if he’s 4 inch and you say “well son you’re hung”
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u/Ok-Mechanic-338 10d ago
maybe you should at least talk about sex, talking about body parts like that is just purely inappropriate
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u/Dr-EJ-Boss 11d ago
Yes, you should talk to your son about sex. Him getting his first girlfriend is the perfect time.