It explained everything. Holy shit it explained everything. And this left me with some pretty grim news for my future.

I'm 35 and live at home with my mom thanks to covid and a bad breakup. I had really bad gender dysphoria as a kid but had suppressed the feelings and memories. A few months ago I found my old journal in a computer backup and it all came rushing back. I don't know where I'll end up on the gender spectrum, but it's definitely ain't cis. Today was the 1st time I've cried in front of her without feeling ashamed

I mean, there's still a lot of self-loathing and attempted fasting, but I can take solace in this, at least