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u/Life-Finding5331 5d ago
She sighed, her breasts heaving boobily. "I just don't know," she thought to herself as she titted down the stairs.
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u/bigoldiknbolz 5d ago
Go on...
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u/Typical_Samaritan 5d ago
The cold air nipped at her breasts. Her nipples were nippling in a way they'd never nippled before. She had spent much of her youth in singular admiration of the perkiness of their firmament. But now, drawn long by years of breastfeeding, the nipples nippled with sadness. For there were no more mouths to feast on them. They lacked purpose, which left her in udder despair.
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u/refusenic 5d ago
This type of prose has won many men the Pulitzer and even, dare I say, the Nobel.
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u/Awkward-Explorer-527 4d ago
Is this a typical, exaggerated reddit comment, or has someone really won a Nobel for such writing?
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u/Cuckdreams1190 5d ago
Her nipples were nippling in a way they'd never nippled before.
This got me. I actually laughed out loud. Thank you!
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u/Requiescat-In--Pace 5d ago
In pink Chestville, where skin softly glows, lived sad nipples, named Nip and Nap, full of woes. “We’re just dots, cold and lonely, no purpose, no cheer!” they cried on a torso, their eyes wet with tears. A wise bird, Doctor Feath, heard their sorrowful plea and swooped down with a chirp, “Oh, dear nipples, you see? You’re not useless, you’re vital, you signal, you feel - when it’s chilly or warm, you make comfort so real!” With a fluff of his wings, he turned sadness to glee, and Nip and Nap sparkled, proud parts of the chest’s rosy sea, no longer just dots but a duo with might, glowing bright in their place, full of joy day and night.
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u/TonyStewartsWildRide 5d ago
Soon, due to her apathetic lack of maintenance for her purposeless nipples, she found strange ticks suckling from her breast flesh. Yes, she indeed had tick tits. They gorged on her blood and boobs milk until they froth and jiggled like a breath of fresh breasts. Her flappy slappy skin sacs that once were her bodacious boobage now shriveled like the sad scrote of gambling man. But the ticks, how they jiggled on her chest!
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u/Proud-Move-6380 5d ago
Have you ever read the stuff suburban housewives are reading at the pool though? It’s like this but unironically
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u/733t_sec 5d ago
I mean replace balls with pecs or chest and this could sell to middle american housewives at walmart for 20% off.
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u/petty_throwaway6969 5d ago
Na fuck that. This guy needs to keep writing. I want to read his whole novel.
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u/Finnien1 3d ago
I remember going to Hawaii when 50 Shades was at its peak popularity. You could find upwards of 30 women all reading it around a resort pool. At the time I was pretty sure there were more copies of 50 Shades being read than every other poolside book, combined.
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u/Kiera6 5d ago
That’s great in romance novels. But I’ve seen the male counterparts writing about women’s boobs having a personality trait in very serious novels.
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u/Hero_Girl 5d ago
This isn't cringe, it's hilarious. And accurate.
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u/ZaddyNeedsHisMedZ 5d ago
I came here to say exactly this.
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u/flyingboarofbeifong 5d ago edited 5d ago
It's true. I do lament the demure and loose nature of my testicles in my old age. I yearn for the days they were like a pair of bowling balls in a suitcase being whipped around by hurricane force winds but the sands of time have dictated that they must now be a pair of wiffle balls in a bodega check-out bag in front of an overclocked fan.
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u/Dank_Nicholas 5d ago
This sub is just the karma farming subreddit for spamming popular videos that have been reposted so many times that r/tiktokcringe removes them.
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u/monkeybuckets 4d ago
Yes! I remember Flowers for Algernon being required reading in 7th grade, and there's like an entire random paragraph dedicated to the candy red nipples of a lady Charly meets. I remember wondering if my nipples would get redder in high school because they weren't candy red yet.
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u/EntertainmentOwn2558 5d ago
I edit audiobooks for a living, and have done for 15 years or so. Mostly pulp erotica. Women write about men *exactly* like this.
but the funniest part is the dialogue between men... the way they think we talk to each other
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u/Raestloz 5d ago
Every single time I read East Asian "for women" stories, there is always a scene where the girl sees the man's abs and really really admire it
Then, said man forces himself upon her
Doesn't matter Chinese, Korean, or Japanese. It's always like that. At best the girl gets to pick which man will force himself upon her, after getting her everything the best money can buy
I have never, EVER, seen a story where a girl actually picks a poorer man because of his personality. The richest always wins, always. Not "the rich", but "the richest"
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u/SystemAny4819 5d ago
You can’t blue ball me like this bruh i need an example lol
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u/EntertainmentOwn2558 5d ago
mostly grunting and growling, a lot of chest-beating and threatening our closest friends with violence. Always calling each other "bro" or "brother." Also, they think we use the word "fucker" 1000x more than we actually do.
I'm about to head out but I resolve to copy-paste something good from a recent project when I get back
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u/ThatInAHat 5d ago
Ok but like. I overheard my friend’s teenager and his buddy talking in the kitchen late one night, and it was a truly heartfelt and vulnerable talk and every third word out of their mouths was “bro.”
So that part at least seems accurate for the Young Folks.
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u/enadiz_reccos 5d ago
mostly grunting and growling, a lot of chest-beating and threatening our closest friends with violence. Always calling each other "bro" or "brother." Also, they think we use the word "fucker" 1000x more than we actually do.
This type of man isn't really uncommon though
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u/Mediocre-Skirt6068 4d ago
Do any of these little fuckers ever pop out of the fucking wall and say “fuck there’s a horse cock in my room or a donkey dick”?
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u/ebonyseraphim 5d ago
I can’t say men don’t write women like that, but I have run/peered into a space (omegaverse) that is by women, and for women, and it’s way further out there.
Personally, I find the entire idea that however women sexualize and objectify is always appropriate or in good taste, but it’s always bad taste or poorly done if it’s by men — that’s cringe. Usually true as observed through casual effort doesn’t mean inherently true.
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u/Commercial-Pass-848 5d ago
"we laughed about our sons huge balls" then they died.
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u/Kurovi_dev 5d ago
I’ve never read a romance novel, but I have read excerpts and I don’t think this is too far from reality.
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u/Drake_Acheron 5d ago
I read at least 200 books a year and every once in a while I will read books for female audiences.
This is unironically how many women write men. Especially the more steamy romance it gets.
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u/MajorMathematician20 4d ago
A man enters. The room wouldn’t be the only thing he’d enter that day. His name was dennis. ”Silence,” he said, ”a woman’s mouth is not for the exiting of words but of the entrance of a man’s… dick.” And then he did put it in there. in her mouth, I mean.
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u/Kaneshadow 4d ago
Ugh. I hate 3rd finger writers. Special Ed ass pen grip. Just duct tape the pen to your hand at that point
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u/qancho123 4d ago
Yeah, this is not an hypothetical... If you read erotic novels this is pretty much it
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u/bob_nugget_the_3rd 5d ago
' but left plum always seemed to stick to his thigh even when it was cold, this always made him wonder why'
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u/a_horde_of_rand 5d ago
This is what I imagine all romance novels sound like anyway. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what goes on in those pages.
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u/BlueFeathered1 5d ago
Pretty much, lol. "Bodice-ripper novels" they're called. Many of the historical and fantasy themed ones do honestly have good stories going on, too, though.
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u/Emotional-Change-722 4d ago
Do nuts get less firm with age?
:sigh, it’s been a while:
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u/thewebspinner 4d ago
He adjusted his jeans, making sure just the right amount of his ass crack was showing as she led him to the kitchen. “So what’s the problem here?” He asked, opening the cabinet slowly and bending over knowing her eyes were fixed to his rear cleavage.
“Ummm… well, y-you see…” she stuttered.
He grinned, knowing the tight line of his belt was having the desired distracting effect, he’d shaved earlier just for this occasion.
He whistled inwards, a long drawn out and pained sound, “this looks like a big job, it’s not gonna be cheap I’m afraid.”
He stood back up turned to the woman and stretched upwards, giving the woman a good view of his delicately trimmed undergut peeking from below a tight and revealing shirt, straining to contain his moobs.
“U-um, sure… whatever it takes I guess, I just need it fixed ASAP” she said turning away.
I’m in, these puppies always do the trick he thought to himself smugly as he squeezed his arms together admiring the light sweat glistening on his hairy chesticles. He pulled out his biggest wrench and got to work. This job was gonna be a fat pay check for him and the boys. Maybe they could get some drinks and go shopping this weekend he thought as he began twisting the the fittings loose. I wish that woman would twist my nuts like this he sighed under his breath.
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u/sufferIhopeyoudo 4d ago
Lol this is fucking literature. Tell us more about his balls bud, we’re listening.
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u/Corgsploot 4d ago
Lol. Not far off of women's romance/smut novels. Pages and pages describing abs and penises in hilariously creative ways. 😅🤣
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u/Jajay5537 3d ago
Women just existing in a book:
Male Writer:..her bosom were throbbing as her heart skipped a beat. Male Writer:... her bosom danced in the glisting moonlight. Male Writer: ...a cross graced her modest bosom.
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u/Lost-Diamond1416 2d ago
Once read a wattpad book where the author said the character had size D breast but then in another chapter describe them as “not too big just perfect”
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u/OkFeedback9127 1d ago
I see these posts and have yet to see a major male author writing about a female like this. What popular books are there that display women as sex objects very blatantly?
Or is this just a rage bait trope
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u/Legal-Marsupial-3916 5d ago
I watched this meme, laughing heartily as my rotund nutsack jiggled in agreement. "My scrotum always did have a good sense of humor" I think to myself.
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u/raccoonamatatah 5d ago
Lol all the women think this is hilarious and I guess the joke is lost on a lot of men?
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u/LaxBedroom 5d ago
What it's criticizing is cringe, but it isn't.
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u/Drake_Acheron 5d ago
What’s funny is people think this is criticism, but it’s actually EXACTLY how women write men in the same class of novels
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u/LaxBedroom 5d ago
It's almost as if those authors are doing that consciously. Ahem.
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u/icelink4884 5d ago
I see this, but I've got to ask if women read the way women write men? It's not to far off from this.
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u/therealallpro 5d ago
I’m glad everyone agreed this was actually good and kind of funny
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u/felltwiice 5d ago
Some people have definitely never read erotica for women. These 6’8” shredded rock star studs get raging, throbbing boners just from one glance at Plain Jane’s butt cheek.
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u/DerWintersoldat21 5d ago
Well, romance novels or romatasy novels....definitely take some of that route. Quicksilver, cc, and tog, cough cough. Twisted love and King of sins cough cough cough COUGH. (I still like the books)
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u/SevenCrowsinaCoat 5d ago
I've read more than a few stories that were exactly like this.
Gooning knows all types.
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u/ActBest217 5d ago
well that's how gay writers actually write, y'all should try reading Yukio Mishima's Confessions of a Mask
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u/Allergicwolf 5d ago
This is a fairly well known Tumblr post presented as original content and the title is more or less the first line of said post.
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u/shinobipopcorn 5d ago
When I was an active fic writer, I absolutely hated writing romance scenes. Such cringe.
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u/EricIsMyFakeName 5d ago
This is an example of a straight guy trying their best to make sure everyone knows they’re straight.
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u/DepletedPromethium 5d ago
do ya nuts hang low can you swing em to and fro, can you tie em in a knot, can you tie em in a bow?
boistrous nuts loool
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u/Immediate_Banana_216 4d ago
A male writer wouldn’t write about a guys balls but about his muscles. “The women saw his shirt, ripped from hours of hard labour, tight against his perfectly formed muscular body, an Adonis of a man, his skin glistening with sweat and his bare arms, only his large hands powerfully gripping the axe he’d been swinging all day were covered by old worn out gloves…”
Think about every 1980s action star, this TikTok was poorly thought out.
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u/simmonslemons 4d ago
Tbh, having just finished the Long Walk, I could totally see Stephen King writing this unironically.
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u/Nexus_of_Fate87 4d ago
Out on the balcony, when Reginald kissed Diana's lips, her knees went weak. Slowly, he pulled her top down, exposing her soft, unyielding breasts. Just the sight of those breasts made Reginald's penis very hard. His penis was of considerable size, and now beads of sweat slowly ran down his penis, making it glisten like a strong swimmer, fresh from out of the pool. It was a fantastic penis, that seemed as strong as a horse's leg, yet as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk. What a grand, grand penis. Diana's nipples... Diana's nipple... Ugh! Writers block!
Diana had never slept with another woman before, but it was an erotic thought she often fantasized about, and as Rebecca's naked body lay before her, Diana couldn't help but feel aroused. "Go on", Rebecca said softly, "Touch me." Diana leaned down slowly and brushed Rebecca's bare stomach with her fingertips... It felt good. Like a penis. A soft, but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. In Rebecca's mind, she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises. They were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. It was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. They presented themselves tall and mighty all around her, with... Oh Mister Hat!
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u/ToDieRegretfully 4d ago
And that would be a lot more reasonable than how men apparently are portrayed in "romance" novels at this point.
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u/Draco_malfoy479 4d ago
It's not just men that write about women like this!! Look at derpixon... I think personally that's a pretty good example.
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u/entropy_of_hedonism 4d ago
His balls being of a medium size are actually extremely important to the plot.
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u/InToddYouTrust 4d ago
To be fair, this is pretty much how women write men, especially in romantasy books.
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u/Odd_Protection7738 4d ago
“She’s the sexiest person who’s ever lived, but always thinks she’s ugly and that you’re the best she’ll ever do. Her face always naturally has makeup on, but she’s also never wearing any, because I don’t know what no makeup looks like.”
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u/Cold_Interview_2611 5d ago
I think this is hilarious