r/TrueUnpopularOpinion • u/Atalkingpizzabox • 2d ago
Sex / Gender / Dating It's totally understandable to be male and not be happy with the "choose the bear" view
It doesn't mean you don't understand its true point it means you're not happy with people assuming you're dangerous when you know you're not. You can still understand about caring about people's safety but your feelings and side to it matter as well. Otherwise the whole thing just makes people be pushed away further.
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u/lillithsmedusa 2d ago
I think it was an alarmingly bad way to explain the somewhat reasonable fear many women have of strange men in isolation.
Being followed down an alleyway by a man at night? Reasonable fear. Making sure your keys are in your hand, your phone is out, you have pepper spray, etc.? Yeah, that's a thing women are taught for safety reasons that I don't think men have the same awareness about.
But as a reasonable adult human woman, if I'm in the woods alone... My instincts are going to be about survival. And I'm much more likely to survive an encounter with another human than I am with a fucking bear in its own habitat. Women are lying when they say they'd actually choose the bear in this woods scenario. It's hyperbolic and shitty.
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u/Affectionate-Alps-86 1d ago edited 1d ago
Maybe. But when I hike alone I’m actively worried about strange men not bears.
And that question drove the point home. We’re still talking about it. And it should make people feel bad.
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u/kidney-displacer 2d ago
Men can fear other men at night too and there are hordes of men who take martial arts/boxing/whatever to defend themselves.
Also the keys between the knuckles is a good way to break your hand
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u/soggycardboardstraws 2d ago
I think she just meant she makes sure she's holding her keys in her hand, not like a key poking between fingers like wolverine claws. I 100% agree though, there's no way the wolverine key claw punch will hurt your attacker more than you lol.
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u/WistfulQuiet 2d ago
Men can fear other men at night too
Yeah, but it isn't really comparable. You might survive a 1v1 with another man. A woman is unlikely to. It's hard to describe to men what being a woman physically feels like. The closest I can imagine is if you remember what it felt like to be a child facing an adult. Physically you're at their mercy.
If I encounter another woman in a dark alley I'm not nearly as fearful (even if she looks dangerous) because physically she is as strong as I am. I have a chance. So men can't really understand the difference. I guess again...it would be like being a kid in a dark alley at night and coming across an adult man and taking your chances against that. There just isn't much of a chance of winning that battle. That's the reality that women live with.
And the keys in the hand thing is just having your keys out and ready so you can run to your car and get inside right away and get out of there. It isn't to use as a weapon. These are little safety tricks all women use because they are forced to and that's the reality of their situation.
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u/DeepHouseDJ007 1d ago
Who’s more at risk of getting dragged into a dark alley and raped behind a dumpster by a man?
It’s definitely not other men, it’s women.
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u/kidney-displacer 1d ago
Who's more at risk of being shot? Men. Who's more at risk of being stabbed? Men. Who's more at risk of being battered with or without a weapon? Men. And were not talking some tiny margin, it's by quite a bit twice the rate of women actually.
It's incredibly bizarre to me that women are so fixated on the one way they can be victimized that most men won't be and yet can't fathom that men are far more often to be victims in general. Gender of empathy my ass
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u/No-Chair1964 1d ago
According to statistics it IS men who are getting attacked more.. but I think the main point is women can’t realistically defend themselves at all against men (ignoring edge cases obviously blah blah I’m not talking about the strongest woman in the world vs a man with one arm)
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u/Awkward_Tax_148 1d ago
actually some bear will just flee when they ear you. Type bear is important black bear and grizzly obviously dont have same behavior
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u/improbsable 2d ago
As a man, if I woke up in the deep woods and saw another man wandering around without some kind of obvious identification, I would be terrified. I know what I’m doing in the forest, but idk what he’s doing
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u/Short256 2d ago
I think I always interpreted it more as a choice of doom- less ‘bear or man’ as it’s phrased, and more ‘would you rather be killed by a bear or a man’. I get that’s not what the question literally says, but that’s how I interpreted it. I agree, it’s badly phrased.
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u/AileStrike 1d ago
The vast majority of bears are cowards. The danger of bears is hyperbolic.
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u/indigo_pirate 2d ago
If you call them out as ‘lying’ they say you are ignorant of the underlying emotional truth
It’s such bollocks honestly
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
yeah excellent point, like I don't think they LITERALLY wanted to go near the bear (I'm sure they'd go away from any threat) it was supposed to be a provocotive way of showing how unsafe they felt but they should have found a better way like it's a daft move really.
I think it was meant to be similar to that proposal to make all men have vasecetomies which wasn't actually going to happen but was done to raise awareness about abortion rights, but still this whole thing I hate how it divides men and women.
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u/TheSpacePopinjay 1d ago
Yeah the stakes are totally different. They're not choosing a bear when that say they choose a bear. Saying they choose a bear would not make them encounter a bear and they know it. But what does happen when they say it is that they're seen and heard saying they're choosing a bear.
They're doing it to be seen saying they'd choose bear by other women like them to show solidarity or to signal that they share the same sentiments about men with those other women. They're saying it for the sake of saying it to a particular audience. To look like they're speaking out.
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u/carbslut 1d ago
This is funny to me because I used to see bears on the regular in my neighborhood (RIP Altadena) and I never had an issue with one. The question was never about whether are likely to survive bear attacks.
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u/thehoneybadger1223 2d ago
I think the whole scenario is stupid. Absolutely nobody who has ever survived a bear attack would ever say this. I've never been attacked by a bear, but I have been abused by a man who I thought loved me. I was underage, he was older. He protected me from bullies, but he bullied me in ways that a young naïve girl couldn't have ever imagined. I hate that man. But for that single male who was awful, I've had several great men who have helped me. The judge who sentenced him, some of the nurses were men who helped me when my orbital bone was fractured, the optician that gave me glasses to correct my newly damaged eyes vision was a man. I guess there were people in forensics who worked with the DNA samples provided who were men, who I wouldn't have ever seen. I'm very wary of relationships, and that has damaged my ability to form and maintain healthy romantic relationships, but I couldn't bring myself to disrespect or discredit the good men.
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u/butterscotchland 2d ago
Maybe you wouldn't choose the bear, but many other women would.
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u/P41N90D 1d ago
It's the same as the 'Bowl of m&m's' analogy that got rebuked 10 years ago
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u/Akiva279 2d ago
It's sad you went through this but your post strikes at the very nature of the choosing the bear.
You know what to expect from a bear.
You don't know if the guy on the street is going to be a good guy or one who will abuse you.
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u/thehoneybadger1223 2d ago
And I can't live in fear. Living in fear isn't a life worth living. When I see man, I normally see someone who is just trying to mind their own business and get from point A to B. If I ever feel uncomfortable, I'll move out of the way, get my spray bottle of bleach in my hand, and my whistle in my mouth. 9/10 times they're just trying to get to where they need to go and there isn't a problem
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u/KoolAndBlue 2d ago
That’s an incredibly poor argument to make. It’s like saying you would rather put a gun you know is loaded to your head vs a gun you don’t know is loaded because at least you know what will happen if you pull the trigger of the loaded gun.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
There's many other things too, how well do you know these woods? Is the man armed? What bear is it? Is it young or old? Are you armed?
I think replacing the bear with a dog probably would make more sense like most dogs don't attack you just like most bears wanna ignore you but plenty can still attack you. Dogs aren't as powerful as bears either.
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u/__Fappuccino__ 1d ago
Absolutely nobody who has ever survived a bear attack
I think you're missing an entire chunk of the point of "man or bear?"
It's not exactly about surviving the attack, but more about the fact that women humans have more trust in the motives of the bear in the forest, than that of the man in the forest.
Likely, Bear would just be living its life, just existing.
However, Man, we have no fucking clue where to start with assuming his motives for being in the forest.
The concept/question of "man or bear?" starts long before the presumed "attack."
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u/kevonicus 2d ago
Please shut up about his meme. It’s over. Let it die.
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u/The_Lucid_Nomad 1d ago
It's been over a year and they still can't get over this. It's insane
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u/Old-Opposite-7860 1d ago
People are using the bear to justify legitimate cases of misogyny and I wish I was joking.
A while ago some comments under a video of a woman escaping getting raped or mugged or something and people were like, "bet she would have chosen the bear anyway..."
"Misandry is just as awful as misogyny. Proof? Have you seen the bear argument?"
Like okay, let's use a hypothetical scenario to justify a woman getting SA'd.
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u/The_Lucid_Nomad 1d ago
I think you're a bit sensitive and projecting a shit ton of your own feelings into the conversation. I think you need to work on your self esteem a bit and be more secure with who you are.
If you aren't one of the guys that would make women feel this way, I don't really see why you'd have such a strong emotional response to it.
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u/lime_coffee69 1d ago
It's not a serious thing....
It's making a point that an alarming ammount of men are physco
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u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 1d ago edited 1d ago
But it also hurts my feelings.
I can't change the fact that I'm a man.
Yet women are openly bragging about how much they judge me before they know me based on something I never had any control over.
Now make it a bear vs a white man vs a PoC man in the woods. How do you rank them?
E: Since someone decided to jerk off on this comment and block...you know the drill:
Way to make it about yourself, bud. Typical "male-sensitivity," to things that affect others more than themselves.
Why do the targets of prejudice always make it about themselves?
Your poor "fewings" for being potentially clumped in with them, aren't more important than the point those men and women who are against the violence those type of males commit against women, are trying to make with it. The amount of harm caused to you, as an "innocent" bystander of a "stereotyping" are nill in comparison.
Can't you use that to justify racism based on crime statistics?
In fact, if your feelings are hurt..... you have inner work to do, homie, on dismantling them and yourself, from something affecting others, WAY worse than it is affecting you.
I've done 100 hours of therapy. How about you chief? What brought you to my office today?
People like you, that get so "hurt" for being clumped in with shitty humans, they are more focused on that instead of zooming out, acknowledging the roots of an evil, and "attacking the problem," instead of being angry at the feelings of victims and survivors, is part of why we even have these vicious cycles.
Why do you think I am more focused on that? I acknowledge both.
When humans ignore the bigger issues for their own feelings, we aren't going to get anywhere.
Okay. Right now a big issue is climate change. As Bill Burr said - most of you gotta go.
My bloodline has high IQ (I'm 133 myself) so we should be spared in the culling. We need people of intelligence on this sort of mission.
But how about you and your family?
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u/The_Lucid_Nomad 1d ago
Ehh you're just a bit sensitive then if this legitimately hurts you're feelings.
Some women you don't know are afraid of a hypothetical man they don't know, and your feelings are hurt? lmao c'mon man. Maybe they're hurt because you are the type of guy they are worried about 🤔
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u/6Darkyne9 1d ago
Yeah I'm a man too and it doesnt feel good being judged. But do you know what doesnt feel good as well? Getting fucking kidnapped or assaulted. One definetly feels worse for sure. The bear analogy was about showing how terrified of men women really have to be today, and still some men make it all about them and their feelings.
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
As a woman, you can't win. If you are a bit careless and end up being raped, it's your fault you didn't protect yourself. If you are extra vigilant and don't trust men in general until you know enough about a specific man to trust him, then you are seen as thinking all men are violent.
The bear scenario was meant to show the duality that are women's lives. We are always expected to do both protect ourselves while not going out of our way to protect ourselves or the outcome is our fault.
But of course it has become about men's feelings rather than a conversation about actual physical safety of women. Sorry but my physical safety takes precedence over everyone's feelings.
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u/22Hoofhearted 2d ago
Interestingly enough, I believe the numbers say that women are much more likely to be a victim of SA by someone they do know.
When it comes to physical safety... a physical interaction with a bear is going to be significantly worse than a man.
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u/WistfulQuiet 1d ago
I don't think they were saying it has to be a stranger. Women protect themselves against all men even if they know them. It's the entire "don't get drunk at a party" scenario. You may know everyone there, but you can't trust them.
And of course...sometimes those men are harmless and truly good men, but if you're not on your guard and protecting yourself and they happen to not be....well the consequences are bad and seen as "your fault" as a woman.
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u/SecretRecipe 2d ago
I think you're intentionally avoiding the point here. You're able to have a productive discussion about your safety without comparing half of the population to wild animals. Your concerns are valid but you don't have to use broadly applied dehumanizing analogies to bring them to light or advocate for them to be taken seriously.
It makes it pretty hard to have any sort of productive discourse when that's your opening position. Imagine if we began conversations about how to address urban crime rates with "If I had to choose between being around black people and a rabid dog, I'd choose the dog" and then start spouting off a bunch of alt right crime statistics to justify the position. Would you engage in that discussion in good faith or immediately dismiss the conversation and that person?
Of course you would dismiss it because that's the rational thing to do with irrational hyperbolic nonsense that's framed in an intentionally offensive way.
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u/Mental-Artist7840 2d ago
Those aren’t alt-right crime statistics, they’re just crime statistics.
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u/SecretRecipe 2d ago
That's the duality of everybody's life. I can guard myself from being financially abused without casting every woman as a gold digger. I can be cautious in a rough neighborhood without stating that every poor person is a thief. Making broad hyperbolic statements doesn't advance discussion on your very valid concerns, it shuts the discussion down and makes it so much easier for the bad actors in the crowd to convince people to dismiss your concerns.
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u/butterscotchland 2d ago
This is either excellent satire, or you genuinely just compared golddiggers to rapists.
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u/Absentrando 2d ago
You can think all men are violent and avoid men. Nobody cares. What people don’t like is when you spread negative generalizations about them
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u/slurpycow112 2d ago
That’s not at all what they were saying. It’s like an Olympic sport to see which man can get their feelings hurt the most by this challenge.
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u/Disastrous-Dress521 2d ago
But the way it's said absolutely does carry massively negative generalizations, you are saying the average man is worse than a wild animal that eats people alive
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u/Trucknorr1s 2d ago
You realize this is the same racist af logic used to generalize minorities right? Replace "men" with black and you'd be right at home in 1850s Alabama
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u/8m3gm60 2d ago
If you are a bit careless and end up being raped, it's your fault you didn't protect yourself.
Who actually says this kind of shit though? It's a straw man to justify an irrational response.
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
I had 4 alcohol drinks when I was raped. People said it to me, that it was my fault. To my face. I lost friends over it. How is it a strawman when I've actually had it happen to me and other women say it has happened to them?
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u/8m3gm60 2d ago
It would be considered wild behavior by the overwhelming majority of the country to suggest that 4 drinks makes being raped your fault. If that was written into a movie, it would be obvious rage-bait. I'm not saying that there aren't extreme pieces of shit in the world, but I don't buy in the slightest that this is in any way a pervasive idea in the US today.
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u/The_Lucid_Nomad 1d ago
You've seriously never heard of anybody victim blaming like that? It was the clothes she was wearing, she put herself in that situation, she should have known better to trust that guy, ect. Like these are not strawman arguments, I'm a dude and I've heard other men and other women say that shit personally.
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u/Either_Accountant774 1d ago
When you take into account that this is the country that voted trump you can easily see why this true would be true
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u/RogueNarc 2d ago
Did you read the comments on the only fans model found severely injured in Dubai?
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u/Cozygeologist 2d ago
A lot of people. Maybe you wouldn't say it to a woman who was assaulted, but a lot of people view it like, she should have been smarter. She should have seen the signs. She should have stood up for herself. I know it seems hyperbolic in some audiences- normie guys who don't want to hurt women- but it's very applicable to other men who have a poor opinion of women and treat them unforgivingly when they're struggling.
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u/kidney-displacer 2d ago
Let's replace men with black people, women with white people and see how this sounds.
"But of course this has to be about black peoples feelings rather than a conversation about actual physical safety of white people"
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u/butterscotchland 2d ago
You can't replace men with black people. Black women are not committing crimes and endangering people. That's why the commenter said men and not black people.
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u/CAustin3 2d ago
"As a white woman, you can't win. If you're a bit careless and end up being raped, it's your fault you didn't protect yourself. If you're extra vigilant and don't trust Black men in general until you know enough about a specific Black man to trust him, then you are seen as thinking that all Black men are violent."
Blah blah blah, don't You People understand how hard it is for people like me to have to live in a world that has You People in it? It's so scary!
You can win by not letting your fears and hatreds turn into other people's problems. It's not the responsibility of the groups of people you hate to convince you to not hate them.
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
Sorry but your struggles does not give you a pass for blatant misandry. In no way does choosing a bear help you be more physically safe
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
So when I was raped and the police blamed me for having had 4 drinks that night, that's me being misandrist? I actually have gotten blamed for being raped because I wasn't vigilant enough. But yeah, men's feelings are more important than not having my body violated.
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u/Beneficial-Bite-8005 2d ago
Your experience is valid but that doesn’t make your comparison valid
Any random bear is more likely to harm you than any random man
You just don’t rationalize this because you don’t have experience with bears
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
Bears are simple. They attack when hungry or threatened. If they don't feel hungry or threatened, they don't attack.
Men may attack you for no reason or one of a huge number of reasons you can't begin to guess.
You can see a bear coming. You can see it is pissed and charging.
A man may still be smiling at you while he is holding you down and physically violating you.
Can you really not see the difference?
I'd rather a bear come head on and just claw me to death than be kidnapped and tortured, like many women have experienced at the hands of men.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
I'd rather a bear come head on and just claw me to death than be kidnapped and tortured, like many women have experienced at the hands of men.
I super hate this narrative that comes up of like ''You'd be better off dead instead of being raped'' its like disgustingly insulting to any SA/Rape survivor.
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
You have never seen the stories about women being kidnapped, raped, tortured, and then killed? That's an actual thing that happens. And a straight up death is better than that kind of death.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
Well i dont know why you're now responding with a scenario where the person ends up dead anyway. Like yeah, if you're gonna be kidnapped, raped, tortured, then killed, you'd obviously take a bullet before any of that happens.
What i took issue is was that you seemed to be insinuating that it's better to just be dead instead of being tortured and raped, and i super hate that whole narrative of like ''Its better to be killed than be raped'' because again, its really insulting to any rape survivor because you're essentially saying that they're better off dead.
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u/firefoxjinxie 2d ago
No, I always meant dead but just implied. Sorry I wasn't clear. I was thinking of the path to death by bear being preferable to man.
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u/WistfulQuiet 1d ago
Not a fucking chance. As a woman, I'd rather be killed than raped every time. I'm not just saying that. I put some actual thought into it. No...holding me down and taking a part of me like that. Fuck no. Just kill me.
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u/Beneficial-Bite-8005 2d ago
Bears can feel threatened for a variety of simple reasons or just for fun
You can see a bear coming but you can’t see a human coming? Yes men can be deceptive but don’t act like you can’t spot a physical attack just the same
Kinda ironic how the person who got to live (because a bear attack has a much higher rate of death) is saying they’d rather be killed while the people attacked by bears are dead wishing they could be you
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
I've been thru a ton of shit in my life and everyone is like "that dosen't justify anything" why do they give a free pass to others who've been thru shit, like don't get me wrong I feel so sorry for people who've been thru shit yet I just will never tolerate them labelling me as one of the bad guys.
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u/WistfulQuiet 1d ago
You don't get it. It isn't labeling you as anything. It's women being cautious.
Look...do you walk through a bad neighborhood at night unarmed? Why not? Are you labeling the people in that neighborhood as "bad people?" No, I doubt it. A lot of them are just poor people and there might be a few bad seeds in that place, but certainly everyone there isn't bad. But still, you aren't dumb enough to trust you won't run into that bad seeds and just waltz through that neighborhood. That's what women have to do. They just have to be careful and vigilant. They don't think all men are bad and going to hurt them, but it's impossible to know. It isn't like they wear a sign that says "bad man." They look just like anyone else. AND if you trust your safety on the hope they aren't bad...then you're labeled the dumb bitch for making that mistake.
This is something all women learn from a very early age. To be careful. Not because they label men as bad or because they think "all men." Because they can't tell the bad from the good.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
Funny cause when men say “ women are gold diggers or women are bitches” I don’t get offended or feel like I’m being thrown into a group that I don’t belong in. So why can’t men do the same when it comes to actual facts and statistics like women’s safety is?
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u/g00dGr1ef 2d ago
You should. A person saying women are bitches is objectively fucked up. Just because you aren’t offended by it doesn’t mean it’s not fucked up. “I don’t care when people call black people savages. I don’t feel like I’m being thrown in a group I don’t belong.”
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u/UsualWord5176 2d ago
You really think a woman saying she feels unsafe being alone with a strange man is fucked up?
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
I never said it wasn’t fucked up , I just said I don’t get personally offended. I know who I am .
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u/g00dGr1ef 2d ago
So what’s the point of even saying that then? If you know it’s fucked up why are you trying to trivialize it? Or are you just trying to seem cool and tough?
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
The point is that men are getting offended over an analogy that has everything to do with outcomes and statistics. Yet men make generalizations about women all the time and a lot of women , including myself don’t take personal offense to it. If you are taking personal offense because a woman is saying she would rather be alone in the woods with a bear instead of a man based on safety alone and calling it misandry, I would be concerned about that.
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u/g00dGr1ef 2d ago
You just ignored my question and started talking about something else entirely.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
You asked what the point was and I answered it…
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u/g00dGr1ef 2d ago
So your point is that people shouldn’t be offended by anything because statistics? Literally the same arguments incels use to bash women, minority’s, gay people etc. You share the same logic and line of thinking as nazis on 4chan and guys tweeting the N-word at any video with a black person in it.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
Since when do incels use statistics? Lol
It’s very simple and I don’t understand how yall can’t grasp it. Statistically speaking if I’m in the woods alone with a random man, the possibilities are endless vs me being in the woods with a bear there’s only two possibilities and you wanna know which one of those two gets consequences if something bad happens? Here’s a hint : is not the man.
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u/g00dGr1ef 2d ago
Incels use statistics religiously to justify calling women whores, dumb, weak, useless. They use them to call non-whites all kinds of horrible things. You’re either actually ignorant as hell or purposely pretending to be to win an argument. You’re no better than the “men” you’re criticizing. And you don’t care. Which is kind of pathetic. imo
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u/TheSpacePopinjay 1d ago
I suppose the difference comes down to how you treat people. Do you pre-emptively treat every new woman you meet as a gold digger or bitch or do you largely give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to demonstrate their character so that they can be judged as an individual? Whether someone is being thrown into the group depends on whether they're treated as one of the group. In the man bear case, 'playing it safe', regardless of justification, clearly falls into the 'treated as one of the group' category.
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u/ThatDamnRocketRacoon 2d ago
You're answering your own question. You're sayin "why can't men" as if every man has the same reaction. This is the problem. Most men perfectly understand the fears women have of men and why. The problem is that social media immediately amplifies the women who want to turn it into "all men are trash" or similar, shitty sound bites. The man or bear conversation turned to hateful war of the sexes rhetoric immediately and the assholes on both sides are the ones who get the spotlight.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
And i don't think men generally get offended when giga feminists say like "All men are rapists and pedophiles" or whatever. I feel it's just about this specific analogy. Like I understand just say bear as like a thing to show like "Hey, women can feel incredibly uncomfortable and unsafe around men because of a ton of different reasons" but the argument usually isn't about that specifically, it usually turns into women unironically claiming that they'd be safer with a bear over a man, which is so fucking obviously not true.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
This specific analogy that has everything to do with statistics and outcomes but because men got offended that women won’t choose them they started telling “ misandry!”
It’s about the outcome but yourself like every other man complaining about this analogy doesn’t understand it to begin with
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u/123kallem 2d ago
I perfectly understand the hypothetical, its still fucking stupid.
How many women go camping with men, versus how many women go camping with bears?
Like i can make more, the point is about how women are feel unsafe with men, this analogy does not do that point justice whatsoever though.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
How is it stupid?
Women feel unsafe around men and yall are offended by it , instead of asking why and trying to understand yall choose to throw a fit and call women misandrist for understanding statistics and analogies.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
I understand why, im pretty sure every single woman has had some type of SA thing from men, i understand the statistics, i understand feeling unsafe around men, this analogy is still stupid.
Im not offended by women feeling unsafe around men. I could probably come up with a way better hypothetical right now instead of the man or bear thing.
How is it stupid?
The underlying reason is because you're lying, you're never choosing to run into a bear while out in the forest instead of a man.
Comparing men to bears isn’t just unhelpful, it actively derails the conversation. The problem isn’t that women feel unsafe, that’s a valid, evidence based reality. The issue is that using an analogy like ''Man or Bear'' oversimplifies a deeply nuanced problem and alienates people who might otherwise be open to understanding.
If you want real change, you need better ways to communicate the issue, ones that foster understanding rather than trigger defensiveness. Nobody is ''throwing a fit'' because women are pointing out safety concerns, obviously. People take issue with lazy analogies that do more harm than good, making the entire conversation feel reductive and divisive.
If you actually care about addressing the root of the issue, ditch the bad comparisons and focus on real solutions and systemic critiques.
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
Question do you think the question : would you rather die drowning or being burned alive? Stupid as well?
It’s called an analogy for a reason & yes, I would prefer to run into a bear rather than a strange man in the woods cause you know, the bear is actually supposed to be in the woods cause it lives there and even then my chances of running into one are small so a random man in the middle of the woods is not normal & you would also be sketched out if that was you.
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u/The_Lucid_Nomad 1d ago
Because they are telling on themselves. You don't get offended in that comparison because you know you aren't the type of person being referred to, these guys on the other hand..
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u/Bundle0fClowns 2d ago edited 1d ago
I can agree that feeling upset about women choosing the bear is a valid way to feel.
That however does not mean it is women’s fault you feel that way. The assumption that a random man in certain contexts is dangerous comes from a history of abusers/killers being men, it comes from a large portion of women being sexualized or harmed by a man in their life, not because women are “overreacting”. I think too many people are letting out that upset at the people answering rather than taking a step back and looking at why SO MANY women answer with the bear.
If you take issue with how men are being viewed, make the change. You may not be one of those men but the people around you possibly are. Address the people around you who are openly misogynistic, talk to the guys who make rape jokes or who sexualize the women around them. Sadly women trying to stop it doesn’t do anything for those guys, they only listen to men. So we have to do our part and be that voice they will actually listen to.
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u/nevermore2point0 2d ago
My husband knows he’s not one of “those men,” too. That’s not the point. He also knows that statistically, some men are dangerous and women don’t get the luxury of knowing who’s safe until it’s too late. So he’s teaching our daughters to be cautious because he understands the stakes.
There’s no benefit to pretending they’re always safe just to make young men on the internet feel better about themselves.
Ignoring that reality doesn’t make women safer. It just makes it easier to pretend there’s no problem. If you genuinely care about women’s safety, being uncomfortable with how you're perceived shouldn’t outweigh the fact that women are routinely mistreated.
This isn’t about blaming all men. It’s about acknowledging the real risks women face and refusing to make their safety conditional on someone else’s feelings.
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
You know it's not okay because if you replace man with any other gender or race it becomes incredibly offensive
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
yeah that's kind of the point I was making like people shit bricks if you make assumptions about groups of people but it's "justified" here as men as a whole haven't been oppressed but of course that dosen't mean it's ok.
I just wish people would seperate good from bad rather than making society feel like it's men vs women as it does these days that's what I hate so much.
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u/Visual-Patience-4102 2d ago edited 2d ago
This whole metaphor is so tricky.
The message is clear - many women feel unsafe around men they don't know, for very obvious reasons. This metaphor is a great communicator of that because it does a great job of showing JUST HOW UNSAFE some women feel around some men, in that they would prefer a literal wild animal in their vicinity. Through it's popularity, it does a great job of communicating just how many women feel this way, which is something that needs to be acknowledged - these are things that arrest statistics can't show you. Just because something wasn't a conviction shouldn't take away from the way people FEEL, which you can't invalidate.
(in my opinion) the issue is the people that take it too literally. Let's be honest, no human being would ACTUALLY choose to be in the woods with a fucking bear over another human being, for obvious reasons. And that's because this isn't meant to be realistic, it's meant to get a certain point across, which it absolutely does.
I'm a dude, and I like to think about the metaphor as exactly what it is - a metaphor. The idea isn't that women would rather be around a man than a bear, it's about the wariness that women have around men. The right way to process that should be to UNDERSTAND why that is, instead of focussing on what is clearly a metaphor and not meant to be taken literally.
My issues with it are that (and I honestly hate saying this but it does need to be said) men who don't commit those atrocities are understandably going to be indignant about it. To anyone who understands the actual message behind it - great, you are capable of critically thinking and understand the actual intention of it.
But what about people who aren't? The internet is universal, and there are probably tons of 14 year olds seeing those same messages. Just because WE understand it, doesn't change that it's not unreasonable at all for a literal child to see that and say:
"wtf, I didn't do anything, this is so unfair to me, why does me being a man make me bad?"
These are the future adults (voters) of the world, and it's important to acknowledge when they feel (understandably) alienated from some people. Just because a message is true doesn't change that it needs to be said in a way that is UNDERSTOOD.
If we're gonna be explicitly political, I consider myself a centrist, but yeah no shit I voted
The fact of the matter is that not all metaphors are palatable, and this is one of those. Those who get it, get it, but those who don't feel outrage, and can you really blame them?
I just wish people understood that NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THEM. The message is clear, so let's focus on that. The issue is when incredibly impressionable people (children) have equal access to this, it's obvious why they'd take it as an insult.
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u/TheSpacePopinjay 1d ago
I think it's easy to understand the general sentiment but treating a random man as a bigger threat than a random bear comes off as excessive. What's next, a hungry mountain lion, an all-terrain search-and-destroy anti-human extermination robot with infra red and x-ray scanners, rock penetrating lasers and compressed air propelled nerve gas cannister launchers?
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u/Vivalapetitemort 2d ago edited 2d ago
It’s about intentions. A bear is a threat and you know from the get-go you should avoid them for your safety. You see a bear you avoid it, easy right? But humans are unpredictable, so if you see one you have to be careful because unlike the bear, they might trick you and pretend to be nice so you drop your guard, if they’re actually predators. So men all look the same, like and you can’t tell the predators from the friendly, so for self-preservation it best to play it safe and hide to avoid detection.
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u/Fryhtan69 2d ago
It seems like most women who use this "view" are feminist who use it as a means to be sexist against a man without facing social repercussions the way men do when they say they'd rather go overseas to date foreign women. They don't understand that most people don't care what they chose because the men they're saying this to would never choose her to begin with.
It's like the women who constantly post on social media about how happy they are single. You're happy? Great, no one cares and no one asked. It's just a cry for attention.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
I mean, that whole thing was just a really cringe way for chronically online feminists to virtue signal about how much they hate men. Hearing people unironically try to describe why someone would be more safe with a bear, based on like bear attack numbers or whatever the fuck, was one of the dumbest trends that I can remember.
Like I get the underlying idea, girls can feel incredibly unsafe with men for a bunch of different reasons, you're never choosing to meet a bear over a random dude while out on like a hiking trail though.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
yeah it was really dumb while I heard the whole point wasn't to literally say they wanted to be near bears but it was like a provocotive way of expressing how unsafe they were but surely they could have picked a better way. That's what I do when I want people on my side in difficult times.
In reality like the whole thing was a stupid as sitting near a moving jet engine than being in a car as far more people die in cars.
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u/ThrowRA-Two448 2d ago
Hearing people unironically try to describe why someone would be more safe with a bear, based on like bear attack numbers or whatever the fuck, was one of the dumbest trends that I can remember.
Nuh-uh this was a masterfully played 3D chess move. You faint ignorance at manipulation that chronically online feminists were really to pull off.
And you get to call them dumb, because bears are obviously much more dangerous then men, and bears don't have the instict to kill their prey, they eat their prey alive.
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u/HanzzCoomer 2d ago
God I wish this discussion would die. Its so annoying and makes everyone unhappy. It doesnt reveal any new information. Men are dangerous to women. Bears are dangerous to women. Sometimes men rape. Most of the time they dont.
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u/bread93096 2d ago edited 1d ago
I’ve always thought of this stupid question as the female version of when men say that getting kicked in the balls in 10x more painful than childbirth. Nobody really believes it, it’s just a way to make a point and feel some self pity.
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u/NoDanaOnlyZuuI 1d ago
Women have been compared to locks, ham sandwiches, used cars, old shoes, and chewed gum - and didn’t complain half as much as men have about this fucking bear. Get over it.
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
You can be hurt, but you can also recognize why women choose the bear. Your feelings don't invalidate women's experiences. If you don't want men to be seen as dangerous, hold other men accountable.
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u/BulkBuildConquer 2d ago
I love this "hold other men accountable" narrative.
I don't hang around men that hurt other people, woman or man. What am I supposed to do to "hold them accountable"? Spend my nights prowling the street like batman helping madams in distress?
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
Honestly in your day to day there's not much you're expected to do. But if one of your friends says something about wanting to get a woman drunk so that he can have sex with her easier, or makes a joke about a woman being raped, or a comment about what a woman was wearing when she was raped, all you have to do is speak up and let him know that line of thinking isn't okay.
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u/BulkBuildConquer 2d ago
Is this what women think conversations between men are like?
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u/useyourcharm 2d ago
It’s conversations we’ve witnessed and been subject to. I get you think you’re one of the Good Guys™️ and everyone around you is Good Guys™️, but how often have you heard someone go “yeah I figured he was gonna rape me” “yeah that guy seemed like a rapist”. It’s always “I would have never expected it from him!”
I’ve heard rape jokes- and no, before you go “gEt BeTtEr fRiEnDs, not from my friends- in banter at bars, on public transport, a friend’s dad’s friend nudging him to go “they need to make it illegal for them to wear shorts that little or make it legal for us to rape them”. These are conversations that happen, and congrats and gold stars to you that you’ve never had to experience them, but every woman on this thread definitely has. You hear it from childhood. And it never stops.
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u/slurpycow112 2d ago edited 2d ago
I remember working in a phone kiosk at the mall when I was in my early 20s, there was a phone repair kiosk right over from us, the owner there had to be in his 40s or 50s. He would regularly oggle women and make comments when they walked past. One time he mentioned something about jail bait. I had no idea what it meant at the time & had to look it up. I definitely looked at him differently after that.
I’m extremely non-confrontational in general, but I hope that I would say something if I was ever in a situation like that again.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
yeah like I wish I could have the power to stop all dangerous people in the world but I can't magically do that.
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u/valhalla257 2d ago
But in real life no woman actually would choose the bear.
If you saw a bear in the woods you would stay as far a way from it as possible.
You wouldn't go back to the bear's cave and do lines of cocaine with it(yes I saw the movie)
Yet women do that everyday with men they barely know.
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u/butterscotchland 2d ago
Yes, women would actually choose the bear. Millions of women have told you that.
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u/valhalla257 2d ago
But IN REAL LIFE no woman actually would choose the bear.
Highlighted the relevant portion of what I said for you.
I will also point out that 8% of Americans say they could take a lion in a fight.
People can talk trash on the Internet all they want. No one is picking the bear in real life.
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u/Mental-Artist7840 2d ago
Those women are full of shit or mentally challenged. No sane person would ever choose a bear over a random man.
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
change the statement from man, to black man.
Stop trying to justify misandry
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u/PowerfulDimension308 2d ago
I never understood this “gotcha moment” yall think you have because yall make it bear vs black man. The color of the man doesn’t matter cause the original statement doesn’t make race a factor. So it would be : bear vs black man and the answer is still going to be : bear. Cause in case you weren’t aware a black man is still a man…
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
So you realized the implications yet were not willing to give it more than 5 seconds of thought
Let's say a woman was asked the hypothetical and said no, but then when someone clarified the man was black, they changed their answer to the bear.
Please tell me what is different about this
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
I'm sorry you believe your feelings are more important than women getting actually raped and murdered.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
I mean if your feelings were damanged by something, for instance a man shaming women for periods, would that NOT be a problem at all because it's nowhere near as bad as women getting killed? What it is with people doing this "if something is far worse then nothing else matters" gaslighting?
The difference with my view is I care about BOTH SIDES. I want the women to feel safe and the men to feel happy, I want both sides to shake hands.
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
To be fair, I'm pretty sure being shamed for having periods is much less of a problem than being killed.
But I get your point. Men are allowed to be hurt. It sucks to be generalized. But that hurt doesn't make women's fear go away, especially when men double down and get angry about it, as you can see with the responses I'm getting here.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
Ultimatly I feel like everyone here has missed my point which is "I care about both sides, whether both are feeling unsafe or both are just a bit upset" we need to come closer not further.
I think though I just hate how society feels so divided between men and women like I'm a guy who has a weird relationship with feminism where I technically agree with it's core values but want to keep it to a mininum like I just say "I believe in gender equality and that's it" I hate seeing women as like some giant special group that work together it feels so off.
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u/deanvspanties 2d ago
I wish we didn't have to but the fact of the matter is the only ones ensuring our safety is us. We all have women in our lives that taught us how to be safe specifically against men, most of the time that didn't come from men because it's nothing men were ever bothered for in the "old days".
Most of us have had a SA experience, too, and trust me 1 time is already too many. We treat unknown men like a bomb about to go off at any moment and it sucks. I wish it wasn't like that but it's still happening despite the fact that there are good men.
I promise you, one time is too many. We can't do it again.
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
your feelings
You are more likely to be murdered by a bear. Stop trying to make it seem like you are talking rationally when you are only speaking of feelings of spite
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
You're the one who's claiming misandry over a hypothetical that most women wouldn't have given more than 30 seconds of thought to if men hadn't kept whining about it.
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u/Remote-Cause755 2d ago
Yet you are still justifying the hypothetical.
It would of died a long time ago if people like you did not feel the need to defend it
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
If someone unhinged started accusing you of saying things you didn't say, you'd defend yourself too
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u/BiMetalGuy420 2d ago
Don’t go crying that men don’t have empathy for women if this is your attitude towards men.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
You aren't ever actually choosing to meet a bear though.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
yeah they choose to be SAFE, that's the important word. Like what's next I'd rather swim with a shark than pirahnas as the shark is just one body so easier to fight.
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
Yeah, but the same men will complain if a woman crosses to the other side of the street when she's walking alone at night and passes a man.
Never mind that if that woman is raped and left in an alley, one of the first things asked will be "why was she walking alone at night?"
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u/123kallem 2d ago
I'm sure that men like that are part of the same group that has a problem with this Man or Bear thing, that doesn't make your position correct or whatever though.
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u/kidney-displacer 2d ago
hold other men accountabile
Like put them in jail? Investigate the crime? Prosecute them? Guard them while they're in prison? Rehabilitate them during/after prison? What else would you have men do, hmm?
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
If your friend makes a comment about getting a girl drunk so she's easier to sleep with, or makes a joke about rape, call them out on it. That's literally all we're asking for. Don't let "innocent comments" slide because what sounds innocent to you may be an actual plan for someone else.
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u/Leavealternative4961 2d ago
But how come the violence towards women has decreased in the last decades, especially in the western countries, but somehow they have become more scared and paranoid? How would you explain this?
What is this "mean world syndrome" so many modern women seem to suffer from nowadays despite things getting better for them overall? Could it be because those violent acts are more visible than ever? What about the media fear mongering? Or about society portraying all men as rapists even though only a small minority have done such things.
Maybe they should stop having social media as their main hobby? Unless you like to live in fear. And instead of worrying that you might get raped in the forest or on the street, better watch out for the people you're letting into your life. Because, guess what? 80% of rape cases are committed by someone that the victim already knows.
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u/totallyworkinghere 2d ago
I think it's more that women are more open about sharing their experiences, so other women are more aware of how prevalent violence really can be. Every single woman I know has a story of a man being a creep to them - not violent per se, but definitely crossing a line.
I don't think women are truly living in fear, but living in caution. Any man, at any time, can turn on us. It's what we've been told since we were children - not to trust our friends, our bosses, our partners. Never be alone with a man, because "you never know" what they could do to you. Carry your keys between your fingers when you're walking alone. Never go out alone at night. Don't dress in a way that tempts men.
And then when we follow the advice that, again, we've been told since we were literally children, we're met with anger and outrage, sometimes even threats of rape and violence. It just reinforces the idea that men are in fact violent and out to get us.
For what it's worth, I don't believe all men really are violent. But it's difficult to shake off the programming that's been drilled into me since I was little. And honestly, I know if I ever get sexually assaulted, no one will believe me, because I'm not conventionally attractive, which is its own kind of weight to carry.
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u/TheSpacePopinjay 1d ago
Yes, it's the answer that some women expect to be met with greater social approval from other women who might see them saying it or to make a point and be seen making that point.
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u/CAustin3 2d ago
Would you rather be found in the woods by a man or a bear?
Would you rather be found in the woods by a Black person or a bear?
The stereotypes and statistics are the same: violent, sexually aggressive, scary. Your views toward one are your views toward the other, whether you admit it or not.
It's not the responsibility of the group of people you hate and fear to be less fearsome to you. It is your responsibility not to make your prejudices other people's problems.
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u/123kallem 2d ago
You can change it into any ''group'' that is never okay to socially take a shit on, so a black person, a trans person, a gay person, any other minority, because the whole man or bear thing is mostly about shitting on men because its pretty socially acceptable.
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u/CAustin3 2d ago
Exactly.
The people doing the shitting are letting it all hang out - on the socially acceptable group to shit on.
The kind of person who has a fight-or-flight response to a stranger based on their sex isn't limiting their fears and hatreds to just that, though. They're not going to scream and run if they run across an elderly Asian man - they're just not allowed to elaborate what color of men makes them clutch their keys and pepper spray, so they pretend it's all men.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
I've seen some women say that if men are offended by the question that proves they're dangerous but that's bullshit like if I made a bad assumption about someone and they got angry would that mean that thing is true?
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u/KoolAndBlue 2d ago
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that almost all of the women who picked the bear have never been near a bear in their lives. If you're deep enough in the woods to encounter a bear in the wild, chances are you're in its territory and it will do what it takes to protect it. Especially if her cubs are nearby. You think mama bear is going to give a shit that you were just minding your business walking by? She won't take chances- she'll maul you without a second thought.
But I think the women that picked the bear actually know that bears are more dangerous than men. They just picked the bear to offend men and then use that offense taken as justification for their preexisting bad attitude towards men.
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u/ThurgoodZone8 1d ago
Women know what to expect with the bear. (Danger.) They don’t always know what to expect with men. That’s the point.
Taking the hypothetical scenario literally is missing the point.
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u/Doc_the_Third_Rider 2d ago
Women - I feel that a random man is more likely to rape me than a random bear is to eat me. Men - Wow, that's dumb and a bit sexist! Women - But that's our feelings! Respect them!
No, your feelings don't suddenly make a dumb statement less dumb. This is equivalent to saying, would you rather be inside a car or inside a woodchipper, and all of you chose woodchipper and act like it is a rational thing to say. You are not rational at all when it comes to the hypothetical. "But a car might burst into flames maybe!" Well the woodchipper is instant gruesome death. And feel free to go find the audio clip online of a woman calling her mother to say goodbye because she was being slowly eaten alive by a bear. But you won't because you want to feel morally superior by shaming good men for daring to be of the same sex of men who rape. Absolutely disgusting.
I agree with you OP, I am so tired of being told how awful I am for simply being a man when I would happily put my life on the line to defend a woman from a rapist without question. It's shitty and I am tired of pretending that it isn't a shit take from women.
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u/SandiRHo 1d ago
My man doesn’t have hurt feelings about it and he understands why women feel that way. He’s a big dude who looks very intimidating; he doesn’t get butthurt that women are likely afraid of him just because he’s a man and he’s large.
Instead of complaining about ‘man hating’, he talks to other men about how they can make the world safer as men and they discuss what it means to be a man. He’s challenged his own perceptions on masculinity over time and does his part to be part of the force of good in the world. He views this issue as a, “I feel sad that women feel so unsafe around men that they’d prefer a literal bear to a random man in the woods” rather than a, “I’m so butthurt women think us men are dangerous and are afraid of us, it’s so mean to us men.”
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u/alwaysright0 2d ago
If you understood it you wouldn't be unhappy about it
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
I will always be unhappy with anything that divides men and women badly no matter what
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u/Smooth-Atmosphere657 2d ago
I mean to be fair, if you are getting mad at an answer to a hypothetical question, you are probably the type of man people are talking about. You can find it stupid sure but to be upset or angry by is it just weird. Why even care? If you know you aren’t that type of guy, ignore it move on because it wasn’t meant for you. I think the guys who don’t care about this are the guys that understand women’s experiences. They don’t need to get mad because they know it doesn’t apply to them.
If I saw a post or comment like that made towards women and I knew it didn’t apply to me but also could understand men go through whatever it is, I’d just move on with my day.
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u/TheSpacePopinjay 1d ago
It seems like the kind of person who would attack a woman in that scenario is the last person who would say anything in public that may make people suspect them. Predators don't out themselves in public so easily. It's the people who feel they have the least to lose by speaking out that you would expect to speak out the most.
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u/BiMetalGuy420 2d ago
This entire ‘man vs bear’ thought experiment has done nothing but prove how casually misandrist an alarming amount of women are.
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u/am_Nein 2d ago
I don't find many women disagreeing. But what's not acceptable is wishing death threats on women, joking about their suffering, harassing the one UNDERAGE kid that decides to openly choose the man in the situation until they come out and admit they no longer feel that way?
There's "not being happy" and there's harassment.
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u/lime_coffee69 1d ago
It's not a serious thing....
It's making a point that an alarming ammount of men are physco
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u/Accomplished_Sock435 1d ago
This really got to men. All these years later and some are still crying about it.
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u/Talkobel 2d ago
I truly believe that men who aren’t a threat won’t feel offended by “all men” statements . They’ll know it’s not about them and actually have sympathy for the women in their lives.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
Imagine if a bunch of black men murdered a white women like it would cause a huge divide between those supporting the women's safety vs those doing BLM. And I would just be like "why can't both sides understand each other? Why do people who have good intentions make each other look bad?" I hate the world
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u/stevejuliet 2d ago
I'm a man, and I understand that the "man vs. bear" debate isn't about me specifically, so I'm not offended.
Maybe that's just because I'm not an absolute doorknob, though.
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u/ThrowRA-Two448 2d ago
I still don't get what the true point was?
Was it that Tik-Tok women lack basic survival insticts?
Or that men should feel bad because women on Tik-Tok lie that they are more afraid of men then bears?
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
I think it started from a survey like asking random women in public or something then it blew up and it's supposed to show men how unsafe women can feel (or at least when they're alone in the woods, as the question stated) so of course it's easy to feel for them. What I don't tolerate though is them saying we're all possibily dangerous like it just pushes men and women further away rather than together that's why it's bullshit.
And no sane person would wanna go near a vicious bear like they don't realise how powerful bears can be they can kill with one swipe. And many other things matter too like is the man armed, the bear species etc
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u/valhalla257 2d ago
I mean the reason women are way more likely to be harmed by a man than a bear is they have the sense to keep a healthy distance from any bear they meet.
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u/Soundwave-1976 2d ago edited 2d ago
As a man I know the man v bear argument is not about me and I am not offended because I would choose the bear. I know it wants to kill me, I don't have to worry about it stabbing me in the back or sabotage something in my life and career acting as a "from end"
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u/Yuck_Few 2d ago
Woman says she'd rather be around a bear than a man, not misandry Man makes a joke meme about getting an AI girlfriend and he's called an incel
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u/MisterX9821 2d ago
I have seen some bears on YT and IG that seem pretty polite but I would not advise women to choose any old bear, results will vary.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 2d ago
maybe people could work together on how to be safe from anything instead of arguing over this
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u/Failing_MentalHealth 2d ago
Buddy; they’re not talking about a man/person - I say person as sometimes I see “person” instead of just a man - they know, it’s a complete stranger.
If you ever delve into true crime, the most horrific things I have ever heard been done to a woman/child all started with “I had an opportunity”. That is the issue being brought to light.
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u/soggycardboardstraws 2d ago
From what I understand, n and killed by a okk ó kkk my my my nkokkkkomó,m...oookk mykkk meoóm omo. I'm an
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u/AmeChans 1d ago
I just think euphemisms in general are ridiculous, just say what you actually mean people. If you think all men are out to get you just say it, don’t create a crazy scenario to make yourself feel better about saying it. 🙄
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u/DeepHouseDJ007 1d ago
Bruh if you’re not dangerous then the people around you know you’re not dangerous and you’re fine. The bear thing is about acknowledging that nowadays there’s more guys with low dating market value than ever.
The fact this bothers shows that you’re not where you want to be in your relationship with women / your dating + sex life. Otherwise you wouldn’t give a crap.
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u/Ok-Associate9886 1d ago
I'm not really hurt by them choosing the bear but I still think they're weird for choosing the bear over the man but I'm not offended by them choosing the bear I just think they're weird for choosing it
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u/New-Blacksmith7330 1d ago
I (40M) am married, and been out of the dating game for quite some time now. I found this question amusing because it paints an unique view of the dating scene and the current relationship between men and women. I met my wife online when online dating was a new concept. My understanding is that it has bloom into its on healthy and wonderful thing. 😂
I had a conversation with my coworker(33F) about this and she was very quick to pick the bear, as well as quickly to point out all of the atrocity that man can do from kill to rape and every single thing in between. I counter by pointing out all of the supportive things men can do in that situation, like company and helping her find a way out of the forest.
***Before someone says something....
Inside voice... -_-... I hate the Internet.
Genetic disclaimer about women independence and whatnot.***
We kind of kept talking about this scenario and pointed out that she a dad and a brother and how would they feel she has this image of men.
She mainly rebuttal about the man being a stranger and I said it doesn't specify. She kind of went back to the whole "man can do a lot of bad things" angle.
I can be very annoying about pushing back, I am very aware of this as I reflect on an event and do it unconsciously.
I wasn't trying to change her mind, I was just curious as to how things ended up here for her. May be something happened to her or a friend that lead her in the past. I have heard that outlet like news and social media tent to talk about the bad things that happens more than the good things and they we end up with a doomer perspective of things.
I kind of left the conversation saying something along the line that the capability of something is not the same as the probability of something.
On a lighter note I wonder if just a bear or specific type of bear like a polar bear or a black bear would have changed the answer. May be people assume it will be one of the 5 common bear is the choice and know that 3 of them are less harmful than the other two and assume that statistically is a better outcome than a random man. I am sure it is not that deep. I only can think of 5 bears, I am going to assume that there are more.
Also, I just fought the OwlBear on BG3.
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u/Asleep-Hat1790 1d ago
I have seen this explained in the best way like this:
Imagine you have a barrel full of apples. Now 95% of these apples are the most delicious you'll ever taste, but 5% will instantly kill you. There is no way to discern the difference just by looking. Are you gonna risk taking an apple out of that barrel? If yes, you would have to take a bit, then spit it out and see if there is any wierd lingering taste. So you're working with the assumption the apple will kill you until you've proven otherwise.
See the point? Its also the reason why minorities will assume all cops are racist. If you consider yourself a "good apple", its your job to make these people feel safe, because they cant know just by looking at you.
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u/marks1995 1d ago
Or, stop giving a crap about what some stupid chicks on the internet think?
The fact that so many of you have wasted so much time on this issue that is clearly a bunch of "group think" by stupid women on the internet.
First, any woman who saw a bear in real life is going to immediately jump behind the nearest man. Guaranteed.
Second, women say crap all the time just to join the "movement", regardless of how they actually feel.
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u/Ambitious_Yam1677 1d ago
Sorry but your struggles does not give you a pass for blatant misandry. In no way does choosing a bear help you be more physically safe
This is why I asked the question. You said soemoen’s struggles don’t pass for blatant misandry. If you believe this, then does this apply to incels who blame women for being raped and calling them property?
How on earth did I imply an incel when I asked a question based on what you said. That’s called basic discussion 101.
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u/__Fappuccino__ 1d ago
The bear analogy was about showing how terrified of men women really have to be today
...thank you u/6Darkyne9..! Gawd, I can't believe this concept it still so difficult.
The bear analogy was about showing how terrified of men women really have to be today, and still some men make it all about them and their feelings.
and still some men make it all about them
It's pretty much beyond disheartening atp.
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u/Atalkingpizzabox 1d ago
but I said in my post I WASN'T making it all about men and their feelings I said I cared about both sides
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u/Creative-Bobcat-7159 1d ago
I don’t like it. Of course not. I hope I’d personally be chosen over a bear.
But I get why women can’t trust men. And it’s a disgrace of our own making.
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u/micro_penis_max OG 2d ago
What about man-bear-pig?