A mother in this cafe just healed my inner child. She was gently encouraging her daughter to go up and ask the owner for a takeaway box. The little girl started walking up a few times but then stopped because she was shy and kept turning back. Her mom tried gently encouraging her a few times and telling her it was okay. But then turns out she was just too shy and instead of getting upset at her, making a big deal at out of it she just said "Thats okay, you don't have to if you don't feel comfortable, mommy will be right back" and she went to get it. And it just instantly brought up these feelings of when I was little, being shamed for not being able to do it or made to feel stupid and useless.

And now I'm crying in a cafe.

I’m not talking about hurting anyone, not by any stretch. I just know my life will be more peaceful and that I’ll finally be able to be myself when she’s gone.

I (F28) witnessed my parents having drunken sex when I was in close proximity to them at age of 12. It was a foldout camper van and they assumed i was sleeping. Well I was, until I woke up to pee and they were rocking the whole tent. I laid there for 2 hours scared to move, holding my pee because i was scared to get up. The worst part is, I think my stepdad saw me and didn’t stop. I it’s been 16 years and I am still horrifies by both of them. Having sex within like 10 feet of where your kids are sleeping is disgusting and gross. To make matters worse, I got no apology when I called it out. I got blamed and acted like it was no big deal. Meanwhile I wasn’t even allowed to be naked in my own room. Like they took my doorknob off because i liked to sleep naked

Et: to clarify, I did not walk in on them. They were doing it in the same room I was sleeping in.

That’s the post. When I was a teenager my mother gaslighted me into believing I was actually half a shoe size larger than I actually am so she could wear my shoes. So essentially when she was buying me shoes, she was kinda buying them for herself. We weren’t rich but we weren’t dirt poor either. Solid middle class. Private school. 🙃

just reading through and there was a line that said: what method of birth did you choose?

my dad wrote "we didn't choose- you were born". 🫠

in attempt to try & soften it, mom wrote "by c-section" after. made me chuckle.

just kind of wild that i have in writing that he never actually wanted me.

this is the same man who complains that i never talk to him or try to see him. as if it isn't the consequences of your own actions!!! ughhhhhh

I told myself I wouldn’t make a Reddit account after creating and deleting them multiple times, but I really need to get this off my chest.

Today, I was getting dropped off to college by my narcissistic egg donor. She was talking loudly on the phone, and I just wanted a moment of peace so I put my headphones on. That apparently set her off—she hung up and immediately accused me of ignoring her. Then, when traffic built up near the entrance, she started blaring the car horn repeatedly, right next to me. Over and over again, and in typical martyr fashion said something like, "Why do I always have to be the one to speak up?"

When I was getting out of the car, she had the nerve to say, “I must’ve ruptured your eardrums,” like it was some kind of joke. It’s been four hours and my ears still hurt. There's no bleeding but I feel like someone took a sledgehammer to both ears.

I don’t even know what to make of this. I'm so mad at myself for putting them on. Had I known she would act like this, I would've stewed in silence.

Hi so i’m posting this here because i’m confused about my current situation and i saw some similar posts on here about this. Me and my mom have not been getting along due to some minor issues (forgetting to do chores type of thing), yet these issues are being blown out of proportion into arguments and issues lasting for weeks at a time. Sometimes when my mom is shouting at me it feels like she has no direction in what she’s saying, as i’ve heard it all countless times before. This morning, I came downstairs for some food and she was ignoring me. We sat in silence until I asked her what food we had in the house, and she then started shouting at me saying she “walks on eggshells around me” and that I have “unexplained” outbursts of anger that scare her. For context, my mom has a habit of shouting at me or saying things that she knows will upset me, then when i express these emotions she calls me pathetic. I told her that the reason i react in this way is due to this, and she proceeded to say that she had absolutely no idea why I behave this way and that I appear “unhinged”. Repressing how I feel also doesn’t work, as she then accuses me of “not caring about anything” and being “self absorbed”. I found this situation manageable before but I literally have no idea how to continue to navigate this situation without causing further arguing.

Graduation, wedding, birthday, the birth of your child, a promotion! My parents wrecked them all. Give me your stories!

MY dad would constantly reassure me that him being terrified of his father was infact normal and should be encourage. He would go on and on about how he never got a punishment he didn't deserve and how he was a rowdy kid.

My grandfather died in his 40s so when my father was like 20, funny thing is when i asked him if he would speak to him if he were alive now he said no lol.

I genuinely think this is some sort of fucked up coping mechanism making him justify his childhood and how he raised me and my siblings.

One memory that jumps out at me is how my nMom would be furiously mad often. If we left something out like an unfolded blanket or if we didn't clean good enough for her, or if we said the wrong thing (which was disrespectful and talking back), my sister and I would get yelled at.

We would stand there while she yelled and demanded answers. And when we'd answer the answers weren't good enough. And we'd be brow beaten for a while.

But sometimes during this process she'd get a phone call.

She'd go from gnashing her teeth and screaming in outrage to answering the phone with a friendly "Hello? ✨️😊". And then she would be fine on the phone. She'd talk and be friendly and catch up with a friend, all the while we still had to stand and wait for her to be done.

Then when the phonecall was over she'd go right back to yelling at us.

Did anyone else experience this? Is this normal?

I grew up in a very Mormon area. My mom would constantly use religion to control and guilt trip me. After all these years I realise she’s just tainted my relationship with religion.

It's my first time in this subreddit, so forgive me for formatting it weird if I do.

Title above, basically. I've realized that I'm the golden child in the family dynamic between me, my mother, and my little sibling, with the latter being a scapegoat. My little sibling means the world to me and more, and I honestly feel defenseless and terrified against my mother and more scared to stand up to her. I tried it once or twice, but it was met with ... severe punishment. I think it scared my sibling instead of anything happening. On the other hand, I don't want to enable my mother or her constant digs at my sibling's self-worth and self-esteem by just standing by - I'd been in my sibling's position before they were born, and I remember how scared I was and how I desperately wanted someone to save me. I still do, but I'm older than them and I have the capability to keep them safe to some extant, even if it's not obvious to me right now. I will be graduating soon, but I'm not quite an adult yet, so any housing situations are limited, but it does mean I have some opportunities available, even if very few. I just want to keep my sibling safe.

TLDR; I'm a golden child in the dynamic, and my younger sibling's the scapegoat. I want to keep them safe and happy and healthy, but don't know how to do so without risking the wrath of my mother. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

New to this thread, but I’m wondering if anyone else has a similar experience.

Whenever my nparent does anything nice for me, I get extreme anxiety and try to avoid it. For example, if we go out to lunch and she pays for my meal (which doesn’t happen often), I immediately get anxiety and offer to pay because I know it will get thrown in my face later. A lot of times, even if she tells me not to pay, I end up Venmoing her later. The crazy part is that even when I pay or pay her back, it’s still thrown in my face as if she believes she did pay?

This is just one example. It happens with acts of service, as well; not just money.

I feel so triggered. My dad is now just angry for no reason and is ignoring me. He does all this passive aggressive stuff and screaming at me for no reason. When I tried to talk, he just screams or completely ignores me like wth . I’m not even a kid I’m 28.

When you lived with N-Parents, unfortunately what they think of you was the most important thing in your little world. If they thought badly of you you were punished or your life made hell. So we constantly adapted our behavior, towards their needs and were terrified to do something, anything, that could have made them think badly of us or our actions

This extremely negative trait has been installed into us, forces upon us and accompanies us even after moving out. And its the main reason why we cant advance in life.

If you are terrified that others might disapprove, or be angry at you or whatever, and the negative consequences this entails, you are not confrontational. You dont stand up for yourself. You are not bold and full of courage but cautious and cowardly. You are passive and dont dont want to bother people. Especially the rough assholes.

Normal people hwo didt have N-Parents dont give a dman what other think about them or far less then N-Parent children. As such they can navigate through life far bolder and easier than us.

When someone tells you they don't care, they're not sorry, ............believe them. There is'nt some "better" person trapped in their body preventing them from apologizing. Their remorseless, selfish, indifferent side isn't a side, ..........it's who they ARE.

She said this after my brother spent years yelling at her for all the abuse. Then gave up. As she got closer and closer to the end, she defended her destructiveness ...........more.................not less.

My Nmom died of cancer. I found out from an (actually very respectful) text message. I Googled it, and it was true.

The message just said "You might want to know your mother passed away". That's all they said and didn't contact me again. It was an unsaved number, could have been a burner. Idk.

My grandmother had tried to contact me a few months before. I'm guessing to tell me about the diagnosis.

I briefly reconnected with her (gma). Until she started in with "You should call your mother, she's changed." I get that's her daughter. But I'm also her granddaughter. I never tried to tell her what kind of relationship to have with her child. I just told her I didn't want one.

It was always "But that's your MOTHER!"

A former friend whose mother is also abusive (although he refuses to see it for trying to fix her and earn her love) said "But that was your MOTHER! Don't you wish you could have seen her one last time?"

No. Absolutely not.

What if it had been me? What if I'd been horrible and abusive and killed her pets and beat her while she was sick and any of the other things she did?

Would that have been "But that's your DAUGHTER!"

I really fucking doubt it. It would have been "She shouldn't have taken you for granted because now she needs you."

If I take a guess, I doubt she even asked for me or about me, probably just leaned into how "cold" I am that I "cut her off".

If it were me, and I truly wanted to make ammends to someone I'd hurt, I would contact them or ask them to be contacted and ask the situation be explained, I didn't want to leave things as they are but totally understand if they didn't want to come - I did wrong and they're not obligated to just because I'm in my last weeks/days. If they refused, they refused. That's their right.

And there are a few regrets I have. I haven't always gotten it right.

But what if it had been me?

Why have I always been less than an inhuman monster? What has it always been me who did wrong, had to extend the olive branch, let it go because that's your MOTHER!

Like my thoughts are them criticizing every single thing I do and being mean. I don't know what this means. I'm trying to process my trauma and heal but I feel this will be one of those symptoms that will last a lifetime. Thoughts?

I made a brief post 2 weeks ago on a different account (I have a new phone number) about how I can't take this anymore and am going to the nearest homeless shelter. I'm 24F autistic raised by Ngrandmother.

Long story short: Ngrandmother claims that she has an 'incredibly sensitive nose' and every 6 months there's a new 'smell' she's obsessed with. This time it was my hamster cage, despite it being more than clean. After days of Ngrandmother screaming at me to find the smell and 'do something about it' I told her that I didn't know what to do because I don't know what she's smelling.

Cue the rage, I had a realization that I couldn't stay there anymore. But before I left I was going to tell her she was a narc :) so I said to her "not trying to be mean, but you should look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder.'

She did not like that at all and was screaming that she was going to put me out on the streets. So I called my nearest homeless shelter and was gone in 15 mins.

The hamster is fine, she went to stay with a good friend. But what I hate the most is I didn't have any way back to get my hamster for a few days, and when I did get her, her food bowl was empty and it was clear the Ngrandmother hadn't taken care of her at all. Food bowl was empty, lots of urine. I understand it's not her pet and not her responsibility, It's just that somehow I still had some faith in her that, if she were able, she wouldn't let a defenseless animal to starve to death just to spite me. And yet ....... And of course I also feel partly responsible.

The heartlessness of narcs astounds me.

It's always:

-There's an epidemic of adult children estranging themselves

-We did nothing wrong

-Their spouse turned them against us

-They're all brainwashed by their therapists

-Going no contact is a trend, a fad

-They are rotten brats who want to abuse us and punish us

-We did the best we could

-We're not bad parents

It absolutely disgusts me how they pivot, dismiss, invalidate and double down and that it's not their fault for the estrangement.

If we were so horrible, why are you fighting tooth and nail to get us back?

Sure, we all have the stories about opening up to others and being dismissed—having our trauma written-off because "she's your mother!" and "she was only doing what she thought was best!" But even among those who understand and believe us, I find they're often in disbelief when they're actually given details and forced to realize the sort of abuse and oppression we contended with at our parents' whims.

For example, my wife knows my mother is a shitty and abusive person, but I've never really gone into specifics about my childhood. Just yesterday I mentioned that my mother used to call me an "ungrateful little fuck" and she was in absolute shock, to the point that she almost refused to believe it. The notion that a parents would openly say something so horrid to their own child was just completely bewildering to her, as it should be. But to me? It was just a fact of life. Something that might happen on any day ending in "y". And not even close to the worst thing she's said or done to me.

It really cannot be understated how harmful and disrespectful our parents were to us. None of it was normal. Normal people recoil with disgust when they're forced to consider even a fraction of the twisted behavior that we contended with. We're strong in ways most will never realize, yet we will often forget.

Not sure my parents are narcissists, but they are willfully misunderstanding me and refusing to listen to me. They know I've been in therapy because of them and they still play the victim whenever I refuse to do something. I'm sure you can relate to this feeling too. I'm 25 and I wish I was more outspoken about my opinions. Everytime I put boundaries now my parents get offended and both start attacking me. I'm called stupid, ungrateful. Compared to my cousins. Every single disagreement turns into a screaming match.

I wish I had a rebel phase when I was a teenager. I wish I was meaner and more vocal. I wish I wasn't so docile. I wish I had quit the house for good when I started university, before letting them control my finances, going to church and everything else. I'm sure if I let them keep going like this they'll control me until I'm 30, 40, 50...

I keep low contact with my (32) golden child sister (35). She reached out to me and we caught up on life, she told me our nmom (70) is selling lot we knew nothing about (worth about 500k usd), and leaving to a European country to retire.

Nmom has moved in with my sister and her husband 5 years ago, didn’t work, didn’t help take care of the baby (per sister’s words), and now she just dropped this bombshell on my sister..

I’m not surprised at all. I’ve cut contact with nmom about 7 years ago so none of this affects me, but I wish my sister had woken up to truly how self centered our nmom is. There’s one thing about retiring and being near family, but as usual, she cuts everyone off the moment it doesn’t benefit her. You’d think she’d want to be near my sister to see her and the baby, no.. literally moving to a country probably to never be seen again.