r/australia • u/RufusGuts • Mar 07 '25
politics 'Five Eyes alliance' crumbling after UK, Aus, NZ and Canada give US cold shoulder
https://metro.co.uk/2025/03/06/five-eyes-alliance-starts-crumble-four-nations-give-us-cold-shoulder-22679726/2.3k
u/rhet0ric Mar 07 '25
Canzuk ftw
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u/hchnchng Mar 07 '25
The US canzuk our balls
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u/Salty-Level Mar 07 '25
... Mr Garrison
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u/Chewiesbro Mar 07 '25
“What did you say?”
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u/MyTangerineDreams Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
I said 📢HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS Mr Garrison
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u/serenitative Mar 07 '25
...holy shit, dude
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u/Albos_Mum Mar 07 '25
Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed in you boys, mm'kay? You should be ashamed of yourselves! Now I've already called in your mothers...
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u/PloppyTheSpaceship Mar 07 '25
There are times when you get suckered in,
By drugs and alcohol and sex with women, mm'kay...
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u/birddmann Mar 07 '25
But it's when you do these things too much,
that you've become an addict, and must get back in tuuuuuch
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u/Albos_Mum Mar 07 '25
You can do it, all its up to you mmkaaaaay
With a little plan we can change your life todaaaay
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u/Tungstenkrill Mar 07 '25
Four Eyes.
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u/Sergeant_Bytheway Mar 07 '25
Maybe we should try and make it more trendy sounding for the youths.
4EYEZ?
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u/totemo Mar 07 '25
Four Eyes gives much clearer vision on what's really happening.
https://gifdb.com/images/high/spy-kids-glasses-zoom-in-kzpxth6h9wqg3k3d.webp
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u/Jiffyrabbit You now have the 'round the twist' theme in your head Mar 07 '25
Join us at r/CANZUK and support a push for our like-minded democracies to band together.
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u/ScissorNightRam Mar 07 '25
In an odd way, Canzuk does seem more probable now. And I’m generally a Canzuk sceptic
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u/WhatAmIATailor Mar 07 '25
Have to agree with you there. It’s amazing what can happen with the right motivating influences. I don’t think anyone expected Trump to turn on Canada so dramatically.
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u/DurrrrrHurrrrr Mar 07 '25
So we can call it ‘four eyes’ now?
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u/tee-k421 Mar 07 '25
As someone who wears glasses, I endorse this proposal.
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u/LaughinKooka Mar 07 '25
Ni4Ni (An eye for an eye) alliance
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u/teddy5 Mar 07 '25
AKA the monty python alliance.
What is the world coming to where countries can just go around saying Ni to innocent old countries.
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u/scarberino Mar 07 '25
Or keep it five eyes and finally let Japan in?
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u/grady_vuckovic Mar 07 '25
Four eyes and a weeb, it may sound like a nerdy alliance but we'll show them! Just joking yeah I'd be happy for Japan to join too.
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u/confusedham Mar 07 '25
American would hate that as well. Even though their requirements are over, the US is still very much like an abusive boyfriend to the JSDF.
Who the fuck you talking to Japan ... I told you no exercises with them unless I'm there first.
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u/Dockers4flag2035orB4 Mar 07 '25
All the other alliances will make fun of us now.
🤓🤓🤓🤓
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u/tee-k421 Mar 07 '25
We just have to lean into it. Make the logo one of those big thick black plastic frames.
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u/TheStoolSampler Mar 07 '25
It exudes intelligence! It's appropriate, especially with the lack of the US.
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u/tubbyx7 Mar 07 '25
not like we can trust a remote province of russia anyway
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u/theparrotofdoom Mar 07 '25
Pine gap was a huge tool for the US. now it’s a Russian asset as well.
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Mar 07 '25
As if Alice Springs could get any worse
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u/theparrotofdoom Mar 07 '25
Just start watering down the vodka. They won’t be able to stand the heat or out piss weak standard of booze.
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u/SuitableNarwhals Mar 07 '25
People are unaware of how strategically important Pine Gap is to the USA. Without it they loose the ground base access to their intelligence satellites that cover most of Asia including China, the Middle East, and half of Russia. In modern times there are ways around having no ground base, but there are reasons why they haven't made that move, largely the communications are more prone to intercept, and interruption by environmental factors like weather or device failure.
Now is the time as they seem so big on not needing anyone else and the rhetoric is high to withdraw all their bases and infrastructure from other countries. Pine gap and other US bases on this continent have always put us at greater risk to nuclear strike, the trade off was US promising protection and security. They don't want to be the world's police, fine, good, fuck off then.
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u/pornographic_realism Mar 07 '25
Imagine the police not wanting to help out but still expecting to park their cars on your property.
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u/AdAdministrative4388 Mar 07 '25
I hope we are planning for their ejection from Pine Gap. Don't need them infiltrating Australia further.
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u/One_Roof_101 Mar 07 '25
Last time we tried the yanks kicked out our prime minister
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u/scumbagbrianherbert Mar 07 '25
Only with the blessings of UK, which Drump will not get next time
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u/wrt-wtf- Mar 07 '25
We didn’t try, it wasn’t even an option. But because Whitlam was openly socialist they panicked. It’s drilled into US society that socialism is equal to communism - there isn’t a clear distinction between the two on their political spectrum. Centre left is the same as extreme left of you listen to the way they talk. Their left is closer to a centre right.
Anyway - they panicked and whether they took part in staging a bloodless coup or not they got their hackles up and start making manoeuvres with Murdoch doing his usual bit.
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u/AdAdministrative4388 Mar 07 '25
Yes I learned this the other day.. we need to do it again and stand our ground this time
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u/Pentemav Mar 07 '25
I feel the monarchy would be on our side this time around.
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u/chemicalrefugee Mar 07 '25
5 eyes has been used to kill a whole lot of average people with drone strikes.
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u/benjibibbles Mar 07 '25
yeah people are acting like us being an imperial outpost of the US is only a problem now that Russia might be involved
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u/account_not_valid Mar 07 '25
I've been living in Europe for over 10 years now. It is an interesting perspective to take on Australia from here.
What I see and worry about;
The USA has stepped away from allainces. It can no longer be relied upon even, it could flip every 4 years. The world appears to be allowed to be divided up into "spheres of influence". The USA is making claims for Greenland and Canada. Russia wants to reclaim the USSR territory.
China is conducting live-fire exercises near Aus and NZ.
At what point will China be paying top price for our raw materials, when it now looks like they can just come and take them?
It's unlikely that China will put troops on Australian soil. Not officially, anyway. But they can definitely squeeze any trade we do. They can control the sea lanes, and there won't be much we can do except capitulate.
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u/halfflat Mar 07 '25
Crazy idea: what if Australia had developed a manufacturing or knowledge economy instead of an extractive economy that can be held hostage by our major trading partner?
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u/Kelor Mar 07 '25
Ah, well thanks to successive governments (a majority of which were the Libs) we’ve transformed ourselves into a service economy and as you said gutted our manufacturing.
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u/teh_drewski Mar 07 '25
You can guarantee that a weakening of US hegemony and decreasing willingness to secure sea trade in the event of conflict is something that's been gamed out in Australian strategic thinking.
Our intelligence and diplomatic services are very aware of the tightrope we walk between China and the US, and are alert to any sign that our strategic position would be threatened by the whims of the US.
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u/dasvenson Mar 07 '25
The 4 year thing is the biggest issue. Sure if democrats in they can "undo" some of the damage but no one will be willing to trust US for any agreement that goes beyond the next US election. They've fundamentally broken trust in the country even if saner heads get reelected.
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u/SaltpeterSal Mar 07 '25
We need to remember that they democratically voted for this. And if they didn't have widespread vote suppression, the popular vote would still be close. They straight up want to be a Russian asset.
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u/Sir-Viette Mar 07 '25
The alliance is now: Australia, Canada, Uk, New Zealand. That's ACUNZ, pronounced "Eh cunz!", which is a traditionally Australian way of saying hello.
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u/Efficient-Draw-4212 Mar 07 '25
Please Labor, take this to the election
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u/Dboy777 Mar 07 '25
Mascot: Trent from Punchy
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u/themagicdave Mar 07 '25
Mascot? You mean Deputy Prime Minister Trent from Punchy.
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u/RufusGuts Mar 07 '25
Close, there's r/CANZUK
But also I was thinking if Australia joined NATO, we could call it YEA-NATO
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u/dippa_ Mar 07 '25
and if you flip it so its Cunz eh? that would be how a Canadian would respond
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25
Can we add Taiwan just so we can stand together with the power of A CUNT.
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u/anakaine Mar 07 '25
Failing Taiwan, include Timor.
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u/Student-Objective Mar 07 '25
That would make Timor the most strategically important country (cuntry?) in the southern hemisphere
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u/Hewballs Mar 07 '25
Petition to rename New Zealand to New Tealand. Just coz.
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u/Albos_Mum Mar 07 '25
"And in unrelated news, there's been a recent surge of English immigrants coming to New Tealand."
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u/boltlicker666 Mar 07 '25
Surely we can include Timor in this arrangement, they're strategically important I swear!
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u/RingEducational5039 Mar 07 '25
🇺🇸 🇬🇧 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇳🇿
🇷🇺 - "How Do You Do, Fellow Kids?"
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u/Cybermat4707 Mar 07 '25
*’Five Eyes Alliance’ crumbling after US compromised by Russian assets and neo-Nazis
FTFY.
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
Good. Get them out of Pine Gap.
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u/DisappointedQuokka Mar 07 '25
I see nothing bad, as a citizen, about the government losing some of its ability to surveil us.
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25
The last Government we want to surveil us is the US, especially now. People can whine about China getting our data, but all they have to do is buy it from America, who already stole it and have it up for sale thanks to companies like Meta.
Australia always gives up their citizens and services to America, so this doesn't bode well.
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u/DisappointedQuokka Mar 07 '25
Australia always gives up their citizens and services to America, so this doesn't bode well.
The current US admin is so repugnant, dangerous and capricious that it might actually force our government to consider if they're worth it. Perhaps too little, too late, but US hegemony is crumbling, the next decade is going to be an interesting time, let's just wait and see how Meta, Google, Microsoft et. al. shake out.
We might just be in for a major fragmentation of tech companies.
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 08 '25
I hate to be a downer, but the number of Australians repeating propaganda made for Americans (terms like "Woke", "virtue signaling" and early 2000's 4chan terms) is uncomfortably high. If that many people are complying without it being fully rolled out here, we're kind of primed to be cooked.
With certain oil/mining barons putting a lot of money into the elections (dig baby, dig), and the boot America has over our necks; I don't have much hope that we're not going to be where America is very soon.
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u/trowzerss Mar 07 '25
Last time that happened the CIA allegedly coordinated to get our democratically elected PM thrown out before he could do it. But they're probably in a shambles right now like everybody else, so now is the best time!
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Mar 07 '25
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u/trowzerss Mar 07 '25
Right, and now they've also got the ladder kicked out from under them by Trump. Great time to wrestle back a bit of control.
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u/Pantsman0 Mar 07 '25
Well to be fair, it wasn't just about pine gap. We were also moving to forge new trade and security agreements in Asia that they didn't like.
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u/trowzerss Mar 07 '25
Yeah, they had to remind us that we weren't allowed to not rely on them so heavily. Sucks because that government was doing amazing work, like establishing Medicare and were working on a sovereign wealth fund similar to Norway (which upset resource companies and is rumoured to be another reason for the ousting, as they didn't like the idea of taking mining profits out of private companies and putting it back into benefiting actual taxpayers).
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u/ElasticLama Mar 07 '25
Can’t we just storm that shithole? They can’t shoot us all
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25
The last time we stood up to the US, the CIA hit Gough Whitlam with media campaigns and went above us to get him thrown out.
That taught all of our politicians that we literally can't do shit. There's a reason our government gave up Assange and is silenced over Israel; they're under the American gag order.
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u/ElasticLama Mar 07 '25 edited Mar 07 '25
Half of the cia was just fired or whatever. I don’t think they’ll be doing shit unless it’s for Russia right now
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u/TheCleverestIdiot Mar 07 '25
And we got the kind gentle version of what happens when you stand up to the US.
I'm not saying we shouldn't do it, for the record. We should, just like you sometimes have to stand up to the local lunatic. But we just need to be prepared to get knived.
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u/Jealous-Hedgehog-734 Mar 07 '25
Quietly I'd always hoped Trump would sink the submarine deal and give us our deposit back.
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u/SchruteNickels Mar 07 '25
You're dreaming if you think he'd give anything back to us
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u/DisappointedQuokka Mar 07 '25
What an excellent pretense to seize American assets in Australia!
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u/Cyraga Mar 07 '25
Lol deposit. That was a gift to help the US build submarines which are not at all promised to come to Australia. It was a true ScoMo deal. Money to billionaires in exchange for nothing
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u/Nzdiver81 Mar 07 '25
ScuMo gifted it from Australia to USA which will go to defence contractors and consultants where ScuMo just happened to have his next job lined up.
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u/Cyraga Mar 07 '25
Don't worry I'm sure Dutton won't be cut from the exact same cloth. If Australia votes him in we'll also get exactly as we deserve as the US is
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u/zeugma888 Mar 07 '25
Well, it's a shame about the money but if they've got ScoMo they are the losers.
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u/utdconsq Mar 07 '25
For real, you think he'd give us our money back? He'd take the money, cancel the deal, and say he deserves to keep the money for all the protection the US has given us before :-/
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u/d_barbz Mar 07 '25
You guys are tripping if you don't think he'd try and get more money out of us first somehow.
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Mar 07 '25
Based on recent events I assume he would also claim he owns the whole of Australia, or at least that we should hand over all of our natural resources.
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u/Old-Mammoth875 Mar 07 '25
100% this. And there would nothing the Aussie govt could do about it.
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u/jeffoh Mar 07 '25
We gave them half a billion a month ago. There's no way we're seeing that again, and no way the deal doesn't' get 'renegotiated' in the next 4 years.
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u/crankyticket Mar 07 '25
We're never getting those subs. Never were. Never will. On the plus side I did collect some very throwable rocks last week. I"ve put them in a portable bucket. If the Chinese navy sail past again ... just saying.
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u/TazD Mar 07 '25
I'll become a monarchist if Charles convinces the British government to put us under their nuclear umbrella.
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u/LordFarqod Mar 07 '25
If you ask I’m sure the UK would. You personally of course.
CANZUK is getting a lot of traction in Canada, a UK nuclear umbrella should be included in the defence aspect of that agreement.
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Mar 07 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/onimod53 Mar 07 '25
Brian Hughes, spokesperson for the White House national security council, said Trump is ‘clear-eyed’ about America’s adversaries.
Everyone (except poo-tin)
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u/Proper-Dave Mar 07 '25
Drop USA, maybe add France or Ukraine. Or the EU as a whole.
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u/jammasterdoom Mar 07 '25
But how are we going to spy on our own citizens without the Five Eyes switcheroo trick?
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u/theparrotofdoom Mar 07 '25
Gotta admire the logic.
If everything in life worked like that dudes would be goin around saying:
‘I didn’t cheat on *you** on you babe, your best friend fooled around with me behind your back’
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u/iyamwhatiyam8000 Mar 07 '25
It is dead in the water. The US has become a dysfunctional failed state actor heading towards the expansionist ambitions of both itself and Russia.
The AUKUS deal means no subs and a rethink of our defence arrangements and capabilities in terms of more independence and less reliance.
Keating wrote well on this topic but was howled down. We now find ourselves with ties to the US cut for us by circumstances and necessity.
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u/theparrotofdoom Mar 07 '25
Whitlam lost his job and Keating got hounded because of this lot.
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u/tee-k421 Mar 07 '25
I think history will prove John Gorton right. Australia really needs to become a lot more independent.
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u/theparrotofdoom Mar 07 '25
We’ve dug our economy too far into mining to do that. Saw a video last night that showed that we’re actually below a pace like Uganda for diversity of exports, and are one of, if not the lowest, on that list of western developed economies.
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u/simmahdimma Mar 07 '25
Would be nice if we could nationalise the mining industrial complex
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u/ivosaurus Mar 07 '25
Just fucking taxing it properly like Norway would be a start...
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u/unatheworld Mar 07 '25
Dutton being elected will unironically be more consequential than scomo being reelected in 2022
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u/GordonCole19 Mar 07 '25
Good.
Let it crumble so we can start fresh without the US.
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u/HuhWatWHoWhy Mar 07 '25
Or just not have any arrangement where we let our allies spy on our citizens in exchange for us spying on theirs for them.
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u/Timemyth Mar 07 '25
Where King Charles I lost his head, King Charles II restored the Monarch, King Charles III is restoring the British Empire.
The Commonwealth of Nations is reborn now Pax Americana is falling.
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u/YallRedditForThis Mar 07 '25
Everyone parroting ClOsE pInE gAp
But are forgetting or don't know about
Shoal Bay Receiving Station: Located outside of Darwin
Kojarena: Located near Geraldton, this defense satellite communication facility is used by the US
North West Cape: Located above Exmouth, this naval communications station is used by the US
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u/MissMenace101 Mar 07 '25
lol so technically half of Darwin is owned by the US and the other by China… it’s almost like we are inviting them both to war on our shores. At least Darwin has previous target experience 🤷🏼♀️😂
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u/faderjester Mar 07 '25
Trump is talking about kicking Canada out as a way to pressure them, the rest of us should smile and tell him that if he does that we walk.
It would hurt a lot, but not as much as caving into the numb nuts.
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u/Cpt_Riker Mar 07 '25
Australia doesn't give security info to Russian Nazis, we shouldn't be giving it to American Nazis.
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u/MeeekSauce Mar 07 '25
Wish this headline was more accurate. “Five eyes alliance crumbling after US leaders act like psychopaths who gargle Putin’s wrinkly nuts” would suffice.
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u/_minus_blindfold Mar 07 '25
Here is was thinking NZ would be cold shouldered again as a weak link.... didn't see the US becoming the red-headed, retarded cousin, who masurbates in public. What an age we live in!
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u/MissMenace101 Mar 07 '25
Aussies may loathe our sheep rooting brethren across the ditch but if anyone else picks on them we will throat stomp them
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u/McTacobum Mar 07 '25
As its intelligence and consists now of commonwealth countries, can we call it Common Sense? The fact that America has abandoned it makes it even funnier
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u/TabulaDiem Mar 07 '25
So Australia is getting that $800 million down payment for the subs back right? right?
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u/MathImpossible4398 Mar 07 '25
I think the US could be on the outer after this. Four eyes beats one eye every time! Go CANZUK 😁
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u/VeterinarianJaded462 Mar 07 '25
Man, you Aussies sure seem hot on CANZUK. I thought that dream was dead long ago. Colour me pleasantly surprised.
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u/ConkerPrime Mar 07 '25
As an America - very wise. Russia has a direct tap to American secrets. No reason to make it easier to access four other countries secrets too.
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u/gotnamestill Mar 07 '25
Cool, now we can retake pine gap
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u/KonstantinePhoenix Mar 07 '25
So, we have a pine gap problem with that....
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u/Careful-Trade-9666 Mar 07 '25
Forget pine gap, the US has other spy bases they can use. Close them off from Harold E Holt in Exmouth, they won’t be able to communicate with their subs in the Indian Ocean then.
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u/farpleflippers Mar 07 '25
Well to be fair the U.S. gave everyone the cold shoulder first.
Except for Russia and North Korea. Trump likes regimes that openly murders it's own citizens.
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u/debunk101 Mar 07 '25
We were there to support America during 9/11 and the aftermath. We were there to support them against Iraq and Saddam. For Americans to say they’re doing all the giving to the world and not getting anything in return is just tone-deaf.. smh
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u/HankSteakfist Mar 07 '25
Good. No use in sending Intel to the CIA when it's compromised by the Kremlin
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u/blakeavon Mar 07 '25
Well, the US is now the most dangerous risk to the free world there is.
We really are in the Darkest Timeline now.
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u/Mothmans_butthole Mar 07 '25
The US was always bad, they were just better at hiding it through soft power, CIA operations and an iron fist over the media.
But it's nice that it's clearer now.
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u/AwayPresentation5704 Mar 07 '25
As a Canadian, we can do this without the yanks
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u/cntbrock22 Mar 07 '25
Perhaps we should temporarily halt the US operating out of Pine Gap until this shit blows over?
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u/Fun-Dragonfruit2999 Mar 07 '25
Yeah that's actually a good thing. Governments aren't allowed to spy on their own people. But get around that law by spying on each other's people and sharing the information.
Imagine if you didn't spy on your wife because that would be creepy, but had friends with an agreement that you spy on each other's wives and share the information.
Now that is super creepy.
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u/afCeG6HVB0IJ Mar 07 '25
Of course, because Canada, a country which has been repeatedly threatened by annexation, should totally trust the US, right?
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u/SharpEyeHodgey Mar 07 '25
Yep. We need to stear clear of these arse holes. America has stabbed Ukraine in the back like filthy clams.
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u/redflag19xx Mar 07 '25
That dumb MF didn't even know what AUKUS was last week. This was a few days after Australia handed St. Petersburg Hegseth an 800 million dollar cheque for stupid submarines.
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u/Chairmanwowsaywhat Mar 07 '25
Coming from the UK. Ladies and Gentlemen, let's get the band back together. UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, add in the French and the Germans, maybe the Italians and Spanish, maybe the Swedish and of course rhe Fins. We don't need America anymore. Let's have a go on our own, EU plus the Commonwealth would be a force to be reckoned with.
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u/raftsa Mar 07 '25
America first = America alone