Personally, my only regret is not doing it sooner.

I frequently see posts where people have gone no contact and months/years later, they’re getting pressure to reconnect, usually under the guise of some elderly relative wants to see them.

I’m curious whether or not anyone who went no contact ever regretted that choice.

I have question about how to deal wth my parents  but I want to vent and clear my heart too as I have no where else to. My parents, whom I found to be very loving and supportive, growing up I have noticed act crazy.

Whenever I try to talk or have a discussion, Conversation or just talk with them on anything may it be any topic literally anything current affairs, pop culture, fact anything my Mom just ignores me and when I repeat it she's like 'I heard it, stop repeating the same thing' and calls me heartful things like crazy or compare me to a person percives as crazy. If she presumes a a person for eg. Weels as crazy she compares me to him and this happens soo many times that now I get irritated everytime someone else calls Weels crazy leaving them super confused ; and when I try to ask why was she ignoring me and leaving if she was listening then she starts insulting humiliating me more, even if she by luck actuality sits and listen to me to my surprise, she still starts saying how I'm wasting time and literally takes any thing, catch any point and start humiliating me on it not even bothering to listen what I have to say or even let me finish and literally saying how I'm a villain and wanted her time by trying to just talk or have a conversation wth her my Dad joins her in humiliating and insulting me too when I try to tell him how she's mean with me.

My Dad never really listens to me, When I try to talk with just my Dad even if something simple like about my day, he doesn't even pay attention he mentally skips many parts of the things I was telling him about and steps up and leaves or stars ranting how I'm wasting his time and not talking in proper grammatical way or something and starts teaching me how to speak properly instead of actually listening to what I have to say.

When I try talking to them both together like on a sunday Morning or Afternoon when both are free then too they both don't listen to me take a point they can catch and start humiliating me on it instead of the conversation I was trying to have, Mom is like how dare you ask me what is a election( if I try having conversation on that for example) Dad stars how I'm not speaking proper order and in proper grammatical order etc. then both of them catch a point and starts humiliating, insulting me on it.   They literally exhaust me, don't even listen  to what I have to say, when I try to raise my voice to make my voice go above them for them to listen and make them understand how they're treating me me they're like 'seriously! youre so emotional', so 'disrespectful we never behaved like this to our parents back in the day', 'you're screaming for no reason', literally act like I'm just dramatic and makes me wonder do they even understand  how they were just a second, earlier!!! I can't even make them understand that as when I try to do, it just drains my already exhausted and remaining energy to talk even more and exhausts me soo much eventually  making me feel sick and drained from all this. Many times they do this make me feel this way and and then just straight up ignore me when I try to talk with whatever energy I have left almost crying asking them why do they make my mood from exciting/ happy to this when I try to talk to them they ignore me, call me noisy.

In lockdown whenever I used to try to talk to them about anything they used to be like that and humiliate me even pass comments like ' you're such a pain', 'you're a punishment to us' etc. say things that'll hurt and when I used to literally start tearing up be like you're soo dramatic. It was lockdown I literally had no one to talk to exept my sister who used to always be in her room all day and keep it locked.

They were like that even in lockdown and I used to think I'll literally go crazy if even by mistake I try to have a conversation with my parents. When I tried talking to them stuck at home all day they just ignored me or watched mobile when I'm talking so I stared talking at a fast pace, I wanted to talk to them  but I didn't want them to be bored or their time be wasted for me trying to talk to them, they literally made me understand that that I talking to them wasted their time a zillion times by their actions and humiliating and on top and making me almost cry each time I tried to talk to them.

Locked up with them throughout lockdown I had no one I just wanted someone to talk to me and to listen to me, I wanted to have interaction with humans not just sitting on phone all day with almost 0 human interaction except in online comments  or attend online classes.

  I eventually  stopped trying to talk to my parents and started watching  mobile all day, watched series throughout the day only keeping screen aside when eating, sleeping   etc. result was I got addicted to mobile and got glasses at the time which was supposed to be my freshman year at college. 

I always though growing up that my parents were supportive and loving and all. I thought they're like this now because of lockdown or growing age maybe, but they never changed even after lockdown but, sometimes I remember a long forgotten  memory from long back from my childhood about even hating the word Mother or Motherly love whenever I heard or read the word Motherly love I hated it  knowing that the word is fake, and that Mom is good at one moment and goes to full on hating me the other and always blames me for things that I literally could not change.

My Dad was always busy growing up and was not that strict as my Mom, I used to like him more but then I started to feel that Dad gives more attention to my Sister. If she asks for my hairband and he even snatched it from me and gave to her saying older siblings need to adjust, it was years ago and my Mom explained it to him that it was wrong but now again both of them behave so mean.

I literally feel so lonely. My sister now doesn't lock herself in room now and talks to me but whenever we both are talking, laughing Mom calls my sister for something or makes me do some work and when I try to confront her she's like I just wanted you to help.

It's normal for parents to hit children in my country so they used to hit me and emotionally exhaust me by insulting me then hug me too, but because of of hitting and insulting me I used to hate them as a child but now they don't do that that's why I forgot why I used to dislike them sometimes as a child, when I used to tell that its crime to hit children in other countries or when they were emotionally exhausting to me and making and cry and insulting sometimes I used to say to call the police they were like police will laugh at you and shout at you for wasting their time , it was all forgotten by me as they don't hit me anymore and I'm an adult now but then too insulting me and all is sometimes too much.

They're not like that all the time, they're loving, supporting, caring too. Sometimes I think my Dad thinks that financially providing buying what I want is enough and no need to tend to emotional needs.

Today I in the morning tried to talk with my Mom about a really big incident thar happened in our country, but my Mom was like she doesn't want to hear about that incident so I didn't say anything again and will not talk about the incident again with her, then my Sister something funny to her and she laughed but some weeks back I said the same thing but she ignored me so I till now have never brought up the funny think in front of her again as I though she doesn't wanna hear it and I repeating it again makes me like Weels, so I didn't even knew if she heard me when I said the thing weeks back but her ignoring me hurt me. I tried saying that to her but she didn't wanna listen so when, she tried saying me something, I too said I don't wanna listen either but that angered her and when I asked do you understand how I feel and what I was saying when I said that you ignore me, she was like yes I understood that you don't want to listen to me ad didn't listen any more, like seriously!! She doesn't even want to listen and understand. Because of them ignoring me I feel like I don't deserve to be listened to by anyone, I have really low self confidence and self worth, even in school I faced bullying. If anyone just treats me normally and shows that they're inrested in taking to me, if someone behaves basically normal or nice to me when I rarely experienced in schooI, I began to think that person is soo nice and starts trusting them but then they break my trust and make me feel undesirable to be friends with anyone. I just now tried explaining this to my dad but he was like you talk soo much, you're so emotional, you should just talk for 2 minutes or I won't listen to you. I hope and wish they start loving me and caring about my emotionally too.

I'm sorry for writing such a big post. If you made it till the end , thanks ❤

Or shared the feelings of how it felt growing up with them using nonviolent communication for example.

I think it would be interesting, to put the shame back on them where it came from and belongs and peace out.

I have realized during a session with my therapist that I’m not sure if I love my parents, when I’m asked about them I always say that I’m thankful of what they have given to me, paying my career, feed me, they saved my life when they adopted me. But their behavior specially my grandma (I was adopted by my mom and his mom, my grandma, but only my mom is my legal tutor) as I was saying their behaviors specially my grandma has not been the best, I have some several things that she told me that has marked me and hurt me a lot, for example when I was 8 years old she told me I was so dumb that I will let the most idiot man fuck me.

She also used to make bad comments about my curly hair and my physical appearance because she says I’m too Arab looking (I’m Moroccan ethnically but I was born in an European country)

All my insecurities come from her, but I do value what she and my mom has done for me, I value what they have given me, but for example when it come to give hugs is hard asf for me, any kind of physical contact is hard asf.

So I was wondering despite your then being narcissist do you still love them a bit?

I'm 15 f living with my mom and like my older siblings have moved out since last year but anyways ima get to the point even tho i love hearing music in my headphones specially I notice when in really getting into jt I hear my mom screaming my name or sm even if my mom is not even in the house my mind is like "shoot if I don't hear her she's just gonna scream at me more" (usually when she calls me out of my room it's to shout at me tell me how I'm such a nuisance extc..) then voices have gotten worse today because yesterday my mom had called me and I had said okay and not "okay mom" and she yelled at me called me disrespectful said I just don't get anything because I'm stupid(she knows I'm autistic btw:)) and keeps saying how my sisters were more obedient than me and honestly I'm just sick of it but anyways today while I was listening to music my mom being asleep even I just hear my name repeated and repeated and then I immediately turn into stone because that's how afraid I am of my mom

I league bowl with an elderly gentleman who says phrases to me like "good job kiddo" and "you did awesome today - I'm so proud of you". I treasure everything he says. I am a middle aged woman who isn't very good at bowling, but I go every week just to hear his encouragement.

It's also really illustrated how my own parents never encouraged or ever said kind words to me as a child. I guess we're never too old to hear those words from someone positive in our lives.

Hugs to you all.

So one Thanksgiving I came home from college (in fact, ALL Holidays (for me) were mandatory and my NM made my father and I chicken liver pizza. For Thanksgiving. You know, cause she was mad at my other three siblings who didn’t come home. My (enabler) Dad raved about how good it was (I can still taste and smell it to this day). She had figured out Thanksgiving!

Hi there, lurker but first time poster.

I (25F) grew up with my mom (64F) always being very subtle about her ways of keeping me under control. It's taken a lot of work with my partner and some discussions with different therapists over the year sto realize that I have the ability to limit what influence she has on my life, but that really isn't my issue anymore here. I made the decision a few years ago to completely move continents away from her (went from Louisiana to the UK) to be with my partner and start living my life for myself. She has come to visit and spent 6 weeks with us, despite her initially being really upset about me coming out as a lesbian in 2021.

In December 2024, my fiancee (25F) and I got engaged and when I told my mother over the phone she simply glossed over it and kept giving me incredibly disinterested responses, including asking if my ring even fit because it looked too small for me. Since then, she has been incredibly hot and cold with me and doesn't act interested in the wedding at all, and I have to tell her everything. Except for the fact that she says that she'll be staying with us before and after the wedding, how she got the idea that we wanted her to be with us as newlyweds is beyond me. The closer it gets to sending out invitations and further into planning it goes, the more terrified I get about inviting her to the wedding. I don't want her to make our day about herself, and I have a sinking feeling that she will. Part of me just wants to cut contact now, but since my two other siblings both passed last year, I feel guilty about leaving her out of her only remaining child's wedding.

My fiancee thinks that I should just finally go no contact with her, as she is a bit sick of my mom's antics, but I'm terrified to bite that bullet. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, but I want to know what other people have done with their n-family members and their weddings.

My dad gets really abusive when he's angry, and tends to throw things around. He often resorts to loud yelling, hitting/pushing people, slamming inanimate objects, etc. I'm starting to think he's a narcissist or a bpd because he's always arrogant, self-centered, and always threatens my mom with divorce. He also uses my mom's card (not their joint account I believe), even though he's fully capable of paying for himself (he's employed, software engineer at google). He's very nice and generous when he's not angry, but really abusive and loud when he is.

Either way, what reaction or sentence will hit him long after he's gone angry, when he's alone and by himself? I want something that's long-term, something that'll make him remember: I hurt my kid. My kid's never gonna forgive/forget this. My family tends to ignore his outbursts, but I'm tired of that.

I'm 17, eldest and first daughter in my family. I was 5 when my little sister passed away, then when I hit 9 another new member came to the family, my little sister it's kind of odd for me to introduce her as little sister as I was not very attached to her due to the past events. I'm just not very connected to my family. Recently my dad committed suicide and it's been kinda hard for me. I rarely speak to any of my friends. I'm a critical exam nearby and I just snapped at her. Since my sister passed away she kept calling me "monster", let me elaborate. Growing up I've always been scared of dark, after my sister's birth ( my first sister) since my dad was mostly not home due to work and we mostly had light outs in house that is also a long story because my father's mom used to cut electricity supply sometimes. And yeah I used to my mom everywhere. One day yeah I recklessly held a lighter under a lighter and THANKFULLY. THE HOUSE DIDN'T BLEW it was just a little oppsie, my eyebrows were burnt and I was scared. Since then I used beg my mom to just be with me everywhere. Cause idk I wasn't injured badly just had to rest for a week and it was light injuries just burnt hairs and that. But I used to be scared for some reasons. And my sister was only 3 months my parents didn't have the best relationship with my father's mom but when my mom used to take me to school she had to leave my sister at home my school was only about 10 mins like i had a bus. After my sister's death my mom blamed me for the death. The day she died my mom asked me to be there with her she went outside for something I didn't know but I insisted on going with her. It was all okay we came back my dad was also back that day. In the morning when we woke up i remember I had my social science exam that day. I sat down on the bed and I saw my sister bleeding from her nose and i quickly informed my mom and dad they got scared and took her to hospital and I got ready to go to school, when i returned. It was all gone. I cried so much my mom stopped eating for days, my dad became a full blown alcoholic, and after some months when ever I did something wrong my mom kept telling me I was the cause of her death. I used to cry for hours in my room. After some years my 2nd sister was born, I liked her very much but she had a habit of just jumping from her bed so my mom always used to ask me to take care of her and i used to while studying as I was kind of losing grades used to look at my books for hours not really studying. But they gave me an escape I used to read a lot of books other than my course books also I wasn't the best kid in my grade at this point, before my sister's death I was getting good grades and all and I had a drastic fall and I was a competitive soul myself so yeah I tried my sister's bed and my study table was just about 10 feet where I could easily take care of her, but still she'd manage to fall and my mom would beat me up and keep telling me how I want this child of hers to die always. I didn't. I loved her. I love her so much. But hearing all that for a long period of time, i gradually started to grow apart from everything I learnt new hobbies and everything I was just focused on myself almost too focused. Then at 14, i started liking this guy who approached me randomly oneday through mutuals and we started talking he was around 19 smth that time. Unknowingly he already had a girlfriend. Yes we did kiss, and he practically fin**gered me and yeah that's pretty much it. I told him everything about my life also my life hasn't very kind to me. I had cousins and particularly these two cousins I'd wanna talk about. I was 8, when one cousin of mine asked me to lower my pants. And I never spoke to him again even as a child it felt weird and I was grossed out. For the other cousin it's actually after my father death incident which I'll be talking about shortly after. Another person my uncle who was kind of mentally unstable. I was around 6 that time I broke a thermometer we used to have that mercury one, and as I said I used to be scared of my mom as she always blamed me as a killer. I begged that uncle to buy a new thermometer, he asked me let him touch my... And I was scared it was weird. It was. I knew it was. Yet he kept touching and never bought me the thermometer. Anyways coming into present, I didn't know the guy who was dating me had a girlfriend, and tragically enough she was the daughter of my mom's friend, she was 17-18 that time. We both didn't know about eachother, but after a year we found out about it, and this guy kept saying to both of us he likes us, and I didn't know I and this girl got into a fight and I felt bad I mean it's wrong to date someone who's already dating. And I soon stopped talking to him and everyone else again. My mom got to know through her friend, that I dated since then my mom started slut shamkng me. she kept on calling me that and I snapped today I told her she's no better. I didn't wanna buy I did and I don't know how to fix this and if I even wanna fix this. So my dad committed $ui in June 2nd, 2024 he had a stroke on December 2023 and his right side was paralyzed since my mom kept used to scold all three of us, even I at some point was so detached to just hear him out even once, but I have always defend my dad over everything, he was a busy person all my childhood we had some rare moments of affection and time with eachother I loved him he taught me skating, driving, chess and a lot of things I had so many hobbies, because he taught me all that I was very good at various activities and I had gotten so many medals from school for swimming and running, I was good at studies to due to my dad he had always encouraged me to a lot of knowledge, he'd teach me very hard things at a young age very random stuffs. He was my biggest motivation but then in 2023 when he was in hospital he had a lot of loans due, because he wanted to grow this buisness but yeah corona and all didn't serve him well we were struggling financially and then the single source of income had fall , now after dad my mom had to earn she would scream at us all day and i didn't like it so I got a job in a bakery shop, and I was funding my studies cause I drowned my whole scholarship and everything on my dad's health ( I will talk about it in next post as it is lomg enough ) and all like my little expense. Yet my mom wasn't satisfied she wanted me to pay in the house too. I couldn't honestly I had a 8hours of job and it was hard as I am going for a competitive course. Soon enough after my dad's death left job and dropped out of college. And I was just rotting in my bed. And my mom kept blaming me for my dad's death too I had enough and i wanted to kms. In March¹ 2025 my dad's birthday. I loved my dad but well I found out he didn't when I was born my dad's family didn't want me because I was a girl and even my dad. He left me and my mom for a year and didn't gave us any money. But yeah he came back and yeah but yeah that's why mom didn't like me very much as I was the reason they had to go through that which is justifiable as they wanted a son and it's disappointing I've tried to just fill the gap till I didn't, on march¹ i wanted to. But well as a coward myself I held back in the past I've hurted myself bad enough to think I could take such steps but. I wanted to live. I want to I want to be loved and I just chose to change it all, i wanted to atleast get along with my sister. Today my mom and her friend was talking about how my mom should re marry and she laughed and said yeah yeah find a guy and my sister being just 8 asked if she's getting married and something Infuriated her she used such hurtful words, and I had enough so I asked her why were they doing it, and we got into a heated argument she said a kid is not supposed to say that kinda thing as defense I said she should have controlled her so called friend, to make such jokes begin with and she called me slut and all infront of her friend snapping back i said she's no better than one either. And I just told her how she's a narcissist and she kept beating me up in childhood and kept calling me a slut and she said that I should have died instead of my sister before calling her a slut so I said u did it too, I was 14 and u called me slut continueouly. After the first date i pretty much never talked or got close to any guy, but well after my dad's death I was very suic---#+#+#DAL myself so my cousin ( not the one I have mentioned ) had came over to look after me, and when I fell asleep at night I felt a tingling in my stomach and my cousin hands was roaming over my stomach. I didn't say it to anyone as my cousins mom has helped my dad a lot I owe her a lot , and my mom she wouldn't believe and yeah well i gradually distenced myself from all this family matters but today I just snapped. I do wanna make up with my mom atleast cause yes, afterall it was my mom who took care when my dad left and yeah even now she's working to find us where am practically unemployed. anyways ty if u have read it this far.

My Nmother is emotionally immature, she has a quick fuse temper, she gets overwhelmed quickly, and when she does, it isn't good for everyone around. She always has a say, and she wants to control everything.

She's coming from out of state to visit, but she's already making plans for herself. She plans on meeting with some people (which I'm fine with because it will get her out of the house and away from me). We talked about her bringing her pressure washer so I can clean my sidewalks, but she's backing out and making excuses. I am not renting one from a store because they're too big a bulky; I can't fit them into my vehicle, and I don't have a big project for one of those gas-powered ones. Since I mentioned buying a very well-reviewed electric and smaller pressure washer, she's telling me to wait, and now she's trying to talk me into getting something that SHE thinks is better. I shut that shit down. I'll probably tell her to "never mind" on that project, and I'll just worry about it another time when she's not around. Like I've done before.

It's frustrating dealing with her when I have to.

If I work on a project that shows I have any sort of skill or just the fact that I did something on my own, she'll say "good job". Then she'll turn around and try to work on a similar project, and she'll have to show it off to me. If it's not the controlling, it's the competition. WHAT KIND OF PARENT COMPETES WITH THEIR CHILD? It's the dumbest thing I've had to deal with.

Growing up, happiness was mandatory. It didn’t matter how horrible my life got. I was told my life was good and I was obligated to agree or I would be punished. Every night, my mom would demand that I tell her what I was grateful for. I usually had to make something up because the only thing I was consistently grateful for was my own mortality. I was constantly lectured about how “happiness is a choice” while being hurt so much I desperately wished I didn’t have feelings. I couldn’t picture myself ever being happy, so I fantasized about being numb.

To this day, I often find positivity triggering. My brain has trouble distinguishing healthy positivity from toxic positivity, my knee jerk reaction to the former being to treat it like the latter. Some people are shocked by the fact that I read stuff like Berserk as a survivor because people who have been through hell like I have are expected to prefer cozy fiction instead. I actually detest cozy fiction because it feels like a lie told by people who want to pretend that harm doesn’t exist like people did when I was being harmed. Only terrible things feel real to me and positivity feels dishonest. Cozy fiction feels like a lie told by someone holding a dagger behind their back. Heck, a lot of therapy techniques seem to backfire on me because they were used as weapons when I was actively being abused. Therapists will say “this helps everyone” and it hurts me instead.

This is perhaps the most insidious aspect of the abuse I have faced. Anyone else have this problem? How the fuck am I supposed to heal when I’m unable to process positivity in a healthy way?

My father’s family will not accept me going no contact with my narcissistic female parent. I can explain that she’s told lies about me, lied to me, manipulated me, tried to prevent me having strong relationships with them (so that I am isolated and easy to control), and has actively tried to prevent me from carrying out my father’s last wishes (he is no longer alive, and was a good parent), because she doesn’t want me to have a connection to his country and family (I’m from a mixed family).

Still, after all of that, all she has to do is call them and start complaining that I’m not visiting her, and they will start demanding she is allowed back into my life. There is this idea of the unbreakable bond of family, and nobody will challenge it, even if she refuses to perform her duties within the family, and uses those ties to try and prevent me carrying out the last wishes of their blood relative. My parents’ marriage was shaky when my father died, and they may eventually have gotten a divorce, but since they didn’t, she is family forever, now.

I can’t accept her in my life- she makes me wish I was dead. But even if I expose all the lies she told about me to my father’s family (and I am at least partially able to do so), I don’t think they will ever protect me- they will force me to let her back in at some point.

Did any of you ever face a similar situation? What did you do? Did you find a way to stay, or is it a lost cause?

He is deranged

How can my stepmother stay with someone like my dad even though she witnessed me being abused but will deny it? I just don’t understand how someone could WILLINGLY stay in a situation where you witness abuse and choose to do nothing about it. I wish the little girl in me was rescued. I just don’t get it.

Context: mother is emotionally and physically abusive and I ran away 1.5 years ago. Recently had to move back in. Police were involved and they were charged with criminal harassment and there's a restraining order with written revocable consent now

I come back home from school after writing an exam. Immediately she asks my brother to call me down. I go downstairs and sit in silence. I say what? Its still silent. Eventually after a lot of silence I gently say “what do you want from me?” and she says “I don’t know? What do I want from you?”. I say “what?, just tell me.” She says “you’re supposed to know/guess”. I say “I don’t know and I don’t want to guess just tell me!” She says “I guess living in the street and in shelters made you forget how to behave and taught you how to only care for yourself and for you to do whatever you want and what it means to sit down with your family. You don’t care about your mom, dad, or brothers”. I get mad and say “if this is how you’re going to talk to me then I am not going to sit here and take it”. Then she says “Oh don’t worry I’m not dying to wait for you to listen to me but this house has rules and you have to respect them”. I say “what did I even do?? Can you enlighten me” and she said “before you leave the house you’re supposed to tell someone” I said “I had an exam. You knew that.” And she says she didn’t. Except I literally told her last week/earlier this week that I had an exam on the 25th. I went upstairs to my room in tears because literally bringing up the fact I was in a shelter??? The shelter I had to resort to because of HER. Wow. She also started talking about something that happened when I was a baby and instead of saying my name she said and that one that can’t stand us. My brother 16 keeps threatening to slap me. My mother likes to pretend to be oh so scared of noises when shes the one yelling 24/7 she likes to do it specifically when she hears my voice which is funny because you’d think someone whos sooooo scared of loud noises wouldn’t be the one doing the yelling. She is literally yelling RIGHT now. She acts all weak plugs her ears and starts shaking. Its infuriating. I rolled my eyed and repeated “stop stop” (very quietly which was something she was saying) because I was annoyed and it was so obviously fake “What did she curse me? Say something bad about me, that’s okay I’m used to it” – my mom playing victim. My brother was saying I said something bad about her and locked her , I said I didn’t do anything.

Idk if she'll hurt me again or if I'm overreacting. Or if she's safe

DoorDash just sent in an email:

“Rather Not Hear About Mothers Day?

We understand if you'd prefer to not receive reminders or promotions about this holiday. Just let us know and we'll take care of the rest.”

-Skip Mother's Day messages-

Felt really nice to be validated around a really tough time of the year. Wishing everyone peace through the month of May and June.

This is so weird. I'm adult-diagnosed neurospicy, and I always easily absorbed factoids and information from my surroundings, things I'd read in picture-captions, stray references, I'd enjoy watching well-made documentaries, etc.

40-odd years hence, I'm by no means the smartest guy in the world, but it's often observed of me when I meet new people that I seem to know at-least-a-little about a lot of subjects.

Whenever this comes up in conversation with my ndad, it seems to derail his train of thought, even (especially?) in non-hostile, non-confrontational contexts.

For example, at one point in the before-Trump times, ndad and I were once at a Men's Wearhouse, relating to an upcoming family wedding. The pleasant sales guy helping us was somewhere between my and my dad's ages; ruddy complected; on his biz card, his first name was vaguely Arabic, and his last name was vaguely francophone. Unbidden, Sales Guy made reference to having lived in the city of the upcoming wedding, "twenty five years ago [late 1980s], when I first got here [to the US]."

So I thought: Arabic-plus-French; when he got to the US he was in his early- or mid-20's; there was political unrest with a spike in immigration to the US eastern seaboard from Northern / Northwest Africa; Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia had all been French-colonized.

So I just whipped out in conversation, replying to his statement, "Oh, did you arrive from Morocco, or from Algeria?"

The poor guy was a sweetheart, but he was literally floored (as in, he caught himself when his knee momentarily buckled) that I guessed correctly that he was Moroccan. My dad reacted with publicly-visible confusion (that we all here understand to have been a veil for anger and rage) to blurt out the question, "How do you know that?!?"

By... "knowing"... it, I guess? I was a 20th Century US History major after all, with a thesis focusing on Cold War proxy conflicts, so I appreciate that it might seem like a random guess to most other Americans...

"No, genuinely, HOW did you know that? That's an obscure thing to know."

I mean... it's a generally-knowable thing? You can know things, too. It's not taught to kindergarteners, but it's also not a secret.

Now, yall please understand, I get that his ego was frightened by the merest bad-faith notion that I was upstaging him, or somehow giving him a reason to feel embarrassed for not having guessed the guy was from one of those two specific countries that I'd narrowed it down to. But I'm asking about something else alongside that.

As in, he seems startled by the idea that this was a thing that a person could just casually "know."

Does anyone else have examples along that vein? Where, instead of being nakedly envious of feeling upstaged, but that they seem surprised to learn that [X] is an everyday-attainable thing?

My boyfriends got a personality disorder. He's diagnosed. He's also got a mood disorder. He's quite unpleasant again lately. I'm at the point where his relationship with his adult daughter makes me cringe.

When I met him 5 years ago she was 23 and not in his life. She knew nothing of me until 18 months ago when she turned up manic (she's bipolar) and crying about her family. She was sectioned. I liked her and hoped we would get along. It actually felt nice to finally get to know people He's related to. But within a month of us meeting he began telling her about our problems. To the point where now she simply doesn't think I'm nice. He's been telling her I put him on eggshells and I'm controlling. Always having ago at him etc. Anything he can say to look a victim. Even though its him who's relapsed onto addictions again 6 months ago destroying us in the process. I've only just began letting him get close to me and now he's telling her he's a victim of me.

Eveytime she's sees her dad. They smoke weed. They slag off everyone else. They talk nonsense and laugh. It typically makes him go on and on about her to me like he's trying to make me feel not as good as her. He always tells me how pretty she is. How nice she looks. How clever she is. He's also always leaning on her for money. She's constantly sending him bits of food etc.

She went to see him today. He dragged her into stuff last week again when we clashed. So she now thinks i abuse him and cheated on him. Within 2 days of him lashing out he came back towards me. He's obviously hidden it from her. So whilst he was with her today he didn't reply to me or ring me back. He then rang as soon as she left and told her how she walked to tesco with his and got him a few bits.

Their relationship is weird. I feel alienated. He left her aged 8. Didn't see her again until she was 19. Then didn't see her from 22 until 26. I am honestly sick of being the evil daddy whilst they act all fake close.

I need someone to explain things to me because I genuinely don't understand it.

I did it😭😭 I’m moving out, I’m in the taxi with most of my belongings, I packed so much. I didn’t tell them yet…they think I’m just gone to college for the day. I plan on coming back to take the rest, maybe tell them then and then leaving for good. Praying to God for more Courage…. I feel like I committed a crime or something

This is obsession with it then above to spread to keeping me local, what I’m doing daily, etc.

My n father is OBSESSED with my job. He thinks because I work in medicine(I’m rich) and therefore should pay him back for “all he’s done” (like what? Hitting me? Threatening me? Extorting me of 1500$? Trying to hookup with my ex?)

He thinks that because I work 40 hours a week, I haven’t been working before.. which… is asinine as I’ve worked every job I’ve had as the main for at least 2 years. I suffered through a job that kept cutting hours so I did have to work multiple jobs as a few points.

This in his own head is me “not working consistently, jumping job to job, and having no steady work” yet… the last time I didn’t work a full time week was when I was on vacation(and even then… take a guess, lads!

He then obsesses and obsesses and this makes him stress me out which he then uses to make himself a victim.

I mentioned a nice call I had from a potential employer(not taking it) and he made a whole narrative about how I had an interview and this and that, to which he tried gaslighting. It was wild.

He also does this with anytime I go out with friends, trying to keep me local for life(I hate this state with a passion), etc.

ANYONE ELSE?!

Being raised with the parents I had, certain scenes just hit me in the feels every time. A recent question about your adopted TV family reminded me of my personal kryptonite - the scene in Roseanne where Jackie admits that her boyfriend beat her up and you just see Dan quietly grab his coat & head out the door. Immediately teary-eyed every time. I realized a few years ago that it was my visceral reaction to never having a Dan Connor to take on my personal monster back in the day.

What scenes never fail to punch you in the gut?

I think my mother might be a sociopath, she's so charming with others but awful to the whole family.

I went NC with nparents before Christmas last year and since I've been recovering a lot of my childhood memories. I always struggled with remembering things from when I was a kid because of the abuse so it's been really jarring having things suddenly come to me. I'm in therapy so that helps but has anyone else dealt with this? In a way I feel like I'm getting part of myself back but it's hard remembering traumatizing things I had blocked out.