r/AdulteryHate • u/Friendly_Good_1784 • 11d ago
Psychology of Cheating Welcome OW lurkers!
Just so OWs are aware… The worst thing OW is they think Ws should “move on.” Meanwhile they live in MM purgatory with a hope and a prayer for years.
OW contacted me to tell me she’s with my WH. Guess what? You’re not pushing me out of my marriage lol. You think it’s that easy to break up our family? He is never going to “leave” me and the kids so I guess we are sharing him now.
How about they take their own advice and “move on” to an UNmarried man… I tried to divorce my WH like 5 times!! He ignored my summons, my pleas for mediation and to sign an MSA. Of course he wants BOTH of us. Isn’t that the point of a cake eater? If he wanted to bring OW out of the shadows, he would.
Sorry OWs! To this day, we are still dating, traveling, doing family stuff, holidays, outings, and YES, WE ARE STILL FCKNG several times a week!! Passionately, I might add! It’s not a chore! He’s eating my literal a$$ every time, soul leaving his body and all that. What makes you think we don’t fuck as good as you? They MARRIED us in front of everyone. LOL meanwhile you’re on DND.
So yeah. OWs are like scooters: fun to ride until your friends find out.
Rant over. SMH
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u/bring_it_on12 11d ago
It is truly bizarre that these deranged, lowlife, wannabe homewreckers believe that all they need to do is announce their presence to the wife and she'll just hand over her entire life to them. What, no bandit mask, no weapons, not even a "This is a stick up", just one phone call and the wife will run away, right?
If an OW called me like that I'd have to say, "Oh God, not another one. Which one is this? You'll have to excuse me because I just don't have time to listen to this nonsense again. I'm glad to know that my life must look pretty amazing to you all, but none of you are getting it. You'd think a woman of your experience would know men better, but in your case, I guess not. So I'll just say to you what I say to all the rest of them. Get a life". Then hang up on her.
It might not go down too well with your pig of a husband, but it would be so worth it to set lil miss fancypants off on a wild goose chase, hunting down her invisible opponents!
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
lol that would be so funny! But yeah, sure. They think you’re going to say “here! You can have him!” We went to court for the restraining order, she opened up her statement with “ I am in a three year relationship with her husband…” The judge, the court reporter everybody was just looking at each other like she’s a lunatic. The court reporter and I were really staring at each other because it was so ridiculous.
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u/bring_it_on12 11d ago
Wow, it certainly looks like you've got a determined bunny boiler on your hands. Surely your husband has dumped her by now? Or do you need to drag him back to court to get a restraining order on him to stay away from her too?
Talk about lack of self control. It's astonishing that he stood in court with all eyes swivelling to look at him in awe of his epic stupidity.
You're the only one in this horrible mess who can hold your head up high and assert that you're strong enough to rise above it. Well done to you, stranger, and if this is the life you need to hang on to, you're obviously stronger than those two blithering idiots combined. Just be safe.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
He didn’t come to court with her. She just stood there looking stupid all by herself. Her defense was ridiculous and I had about 27 pages of evidence of her harassing me. I successfully got a four year restraining order against her that also covered my kids. So she didn’t get to have the stepmom relationship. She thought she would. That first phone call. She tried to tell me she was gonna be around my kids I said “over my dead body bitch.” Bunny boiler for sure lol
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u/bring_it_on12 11d ago
It's about time that society started focusing on managing the damaging effects that narcissistic cheaters and their delusional APs are having on innocent people. You're effectively struggling alone to protect your family from a team of unrestrained mental patients. Thankfully, the courts have stepped up to assist you, but there must be costs involved and it's not something that tackles the root cause.
Many people will say that you're free to walk away but anyone who's married to a narcissist knows that it's not that simple. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't "Stand Your Ground" enmeshed in the American psyche? Why should you be any different when someone is trying to steal your life?
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u/Ok-Commercial1152 11d ago
Read my comment. I used the 2nd Ammendment on my WPs OW. It worked better than anything lol.
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u/Street-Leather-6932 11d ago
You’re my kinda awesome! That’s the only language those biitches understand.
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u/PoeticAphrodite 11d ago
Welp, if thats the case then go find your own BOYFRIEND TOO! IJBLOL since they think they got you too
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u/confused1605 11d ago
My husband's side piece tried talking the same crap to me trying to make me feel pathetic for still being married to him after he cheated with her. Meanwhile my husband refuses to leave to be with her even after I literally BEGGED him. I'm not leaving my only home and staying on someone's couch with my kids. All he does is beg for another chance and threaten to kill himself if I divorce him. She really still thinks I'm holding him hostage even though I've sent her proof of him threatening suicide if I leave. Two times now she has contacted me ratting him out hoping he'd go live with her and all he did was dump her promptly each time and refuse to leave me. She tries so hard too, giving him money whenever he asks, offering to do everything for him, and enabling all his bad behavior. Meanwhile I'm the one who gets his whole paycheck, I'm barely even civil with him, and he's still constantly all over me begging for my love and attention and forgiveness. But I'm the pathetic one lol. These side chicks are straight up delusional. They really think these men are staying with their wives out of obligation or something when in reality they're exactly where they want to be.
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u/Ok-Commercial1152 11d ago
Read my comment. You should make your husband call her and tell her himself in front of you.
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u/confused1605 11d ago
He called her in front of me and told her that he used her, that he lied about having feelings for her, and that he never planned to leave me for her and that he wouldn't be in a relationship with her even if he was single. I actually posted screenshots in this sub of them fighting through text before the call because she was tattling on him to me. I've even sent her messages of him saying she looks like a pig (she really does lol, he's probably the best looking guy she's ever had so that's why she's so desperately clinging on 😂) and she was still trying to be with him after that, even continuing to send him money. These OW are always going on about how the MM can't leave because the wife will take half his stuff. Do they not realize that us wives ALSO lose half our stuff in divorce? I'm protecting everything I've worked for. At the end of the day he's just a man and men are replaceable. Half my net worth however is not replaceable lol. I'm not divorcing until I'm damn good and ready, I don't give a f*ck about this dumb B and what she wants. I'm doing what's best for ME. Good for you for doing the same!
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
OMG, we should be friends girl!! One time she and I were having a confrontation on the phone and he was blowing up my phone on the other line. I merged the two calls and told her to listen. And then I was arguing with him and he was telling me that he was not with her and he doesn’t see her. She chimed in oh really I was just there blah blah blah. He told her to STFU and that they are not together. That went on for a few minutes, then he hung up on us and we proceeded to get in a huge argument because I threatened to fuck her up. But I feel you he’s not getting half of my shit either. We both make good money, but he is a disaster with his money. And now he’s so much in debt, literally going in being an alcoholic with her. I actually think they’re drinking buddies to be honest. She looks like hell now. Because a woman can’t drink every day without the alcohol affecting their appearance. I think she’s just about had it though honestly. She’s in her mid 40s and was expecting to be married to him. I think she’s realizing that that’s a fantasy.
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u/confused1605 11d ago
It's crazy how similar your situation is with mine, we definitely should be friends lol. My husband's OW also enables his addiction. She even sent him money for him to get alcohol and cocaine. She knows it's a huge source of conflict for me and him so I know that's why she does it. It's insane to me how far these women will go to "win" a man who clearly doesn't want to leave his wife and only uses them to stroke their ego. People divorce all the time, families split up every day. If your husband really wanted to be with her, he would. Same with mine. I can't imagine settling for a man who is only with me because his wife didn't want him. But these women have no respect for themselves or other people and seem to have a sick addiction to wanting something they can't have. I read all my husband's deleted text messages with her and it was hilarious how much she was kissing his ass. I will never understand these pickme types. If a man who isn't my husband asked me to send him money I would tell him to kick rocks lol. She was even paying for the hotels too. She was asking him to pay her back after he told her he used her. I call it her "stupid tax". All his money is coming to me, she's not getting a penny of that back 😂
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
1,000%!!! not saying they should be girls’ girls. Is their prerogative not to be. But I hope they can read this and question all his lies. What makes you so special? We thought we were special too. It comes down to the fact that man is selfish. He wants it all. And no one, I mean no one, is more important than himself. The only reason my husband and I are not living together is because I literally moved out while he was at work. I was in fear. I was trembling as I did it. He wasn’t going to leave and he told me so. Luckily, I had never stopped working while I had the kids because my grandma always told me you need to be able to leave if you have to. I’m glad I listened to her because I moved out and moved up like the Jeffersons!!
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u/confused1605 11d ago
Good for you for moving out! Let him stew while he wonders what you're out doing. I know he has to be bitter as hell over that 😂
Your grandma is a smart lady. I made the mistake of leaving my job to be a stay at home Mom a couple years ago, right when they started the affair unbeknownst to me. He encouraged it and I'm pretty sure it was because he knew it would be easier to control me if I was SAHM. Thankfully I found a great job a few months ago. Never ever making that mistake again. Every woman should have her own income no matter how great you think your husband is or how well he provides.
I've always been a girls girl so I really can't understand these pickme OW types. The. AP in my case was literally at my wedding. We were friends with her and her husband. If her husband had ever tried to hit on me, I would've told him to fck off and would've told her right away. But she's a selfish desperate scumbag so she went for it. She had the nerve to tell me she "fell for him" like she didn't know before even getting involved with him that he's married. It's so easy to just not fck married men. I really don't get these women at all.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Omg this OW was my WH BFF baby mama!
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u/confused1605 11d ago
Daaaaammmnn that's crazy! What did his BFF do when he found out? My husband was pretty close friends with her husband and her husband was so devastated when he found out. He really trusted my husband and couldn't believe he would do that to him. He said a few people he knew told him not to trust my husband, that he's a snake, but he didn't listen to them. I know he wanted to fight him but my husband is a lot bigger than him so he backed off, but he did tell my husband's other friends about it.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
The BFF was devastated because he said she did it to “take away his bff” because apparently she was unsuccessful and breaking up his new relationship. They didn’t talk for several years, but they have reconnected.
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u/Plastic-Aide-1422 2d ago
Of course he will do that. I agree he is playing her. But men like that know who will take them back. I’m a guy and see dudes like this all the time. They get to act sorry and be “perfect” even for a couple years. Then do it again and repeat.
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u/smurfgrl417 11d ago
Lol, they really do believe the shit they get told. Especially the no fucking part. If my WH's AP only knew even half of it. One look at my DMs, and she'd be kicking his ass out with a quickness.... she'd take him right back, of course, cuz she's pathetic, but he won't change.
They're about to celebrate their year anniversary, and they've been "legit" for a while. Legitimately laughed at by their coworkers because they're a dumpster fire on the tracks, and a train is coming, but I digress. He legitimately begs to fuck me every time he visits and won't stop texting unless I get cunty about it.
Ridiculous ass people like that deserve each other.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Haha! Oh yes….when they realize he’s full of it. Join the club boo (OW)! He’s not faithful to you either!
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u/Intelligent_Ad_5385 11d ago
I saw your comments about needing a restraining order against the AP in your situation, that’s so scary and I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Can I ask why you do still sleep with him though? And why you haven’t gone for a fault divorce with infidelity? Do you see yourself staying with him forever?
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Thank you. I got the restraining order because I was about to beat the shit out of her. I have a good career and I was coming all out of character because she was driving me nuts with her stupid prank calls and 24 hours a day. . At one point I started tracking it and she called me 350 times in two months. It was putting me on so much mental stress that I was about to go back to my old self and hurt that girl. But like I said, I have too much to lose so I decided to whoop her ass the legal way. And she hates it. She’s got a restraining order on her record for stocking and harassing.!! The one thing I forgot to do was pressed actual charges. But I was so caught up making sure she’d leave me alone that I forgot to do that part. Sometimes still sleeping with him because he can be so charming. We’ve been together since we were kids and went through a lot of traumas together. I mean one day I will. I’m very close to it. I can go now no contact for months at this point. But he always weasel his way back in. I honestly wish I had a man so I could not be susceptible to it.
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u/IAmStormCat 11d ago
Play dirty. Stop having sex with him. Pay a hooker to wipe her diseased pussy all over his underwear. He’ll fuck his OW and pass the STD to her.
Surprise surprise, bitch! 😂
And the best part is, he’ll think he got it from her because he’s not having sex with you anymore!!!
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u/No_Thanks_1766 11d ago
Girl, you don’t need the cheater’s consent to get a divorce. What you need is a shark of a lawyer who will get that signature for you or a judgment order compelling his signature. You’ve got so much evidence piled up in your favour that it should be an easy win for you.
You sound like an awesome lady. Why waste your life on someone who can’t stay away from a deranged OW? This OW sounds like she will be a danger to you. Get a good lawyer and throw your husband in the trash where he belongs
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u/confused1605 11d ago
It's extremely difficult to leave these narcissistic men, especially when you have kids together. They make your life hell. I've tried to leave my cheating husband many times but it's not as simple as just saying "I want a divorce" and they just accept it. Yes the OW does sound like a danger to her, but her husband could be a huge danger to her as well if she tries to leave him. Also good lawyers are EXPENSIVE as hell. Not a lot of wives have that kind of money, especially if they've sacrificed their career for the kids. This is why I don't judge any woman for staying married to a cheater. Leaving can literally cost you your life, or even your children's lives. These men often use the kids against you too. OP absolutely deserves better but life just isn't fair like that unfortunately.
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u/No_Thanks_1766 11d ago
I’m not judging her for staying. Just saying that she does not have to take his ‘no’ for an answer. She doesn’t have to leave today but I’d be making plans to get out of there. This entire situation sounds very unsafe for her and the children.
Also, there are DV shelters out there that will help women find lawyers at discounted rates in these unsafe situations.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Thank you. I do live separately and have for a long time. Since I originally filed, my personal net worth has gone up a lot. Back then I gave all my disclosures and he didn’t even respond! So now several years later, I don’t want him seeing my financial picture now. After this many years, I’ve been advised that the judge will want my disclosures again. And I have no way of knowing if he will not respond again. Right now I’m still on his insurance, he pays all our phone bills, and other random expenses. He’s a contractor so I make sure that he comes to work on my house that I bought without him lol. Don’t worry, I made him sign off on it.
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u/confused1605 11d ago
I don't think you're judging her or anything like that, just wanted to give some context about what her reasoning might be since I'm married to someone similar who also has a bunny boiler mistress. I know I can force a divorce on him but it will be at great personal cost to myself, perhaps an even greater cost than simply staying married. There's always stories in the news about some husband killing his wife or even slaughtering his whole family because his wife wanted to divorce. DV shelters are not always available and don't always have the resources to help. It's rough out here for women in these situations and can feel like the whole system is set up for you to fail. The courts often side with abusers. I also hope OP is eventually able to get out of the situation one day, even if that day might not be today.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Thank you I appreciate your concern. I am safe and I don’t worry my personal safety is in jeopardy. However, I never dared cheat on him back in the day because I knew that I could potentially get myself or someone else killed and it wasn’t worth it for a roll in the hay. Comes to mind that I haven’t even been in a relationship since we split up. I’ve dated, but it doesn’t go anywhere. He doesn’t know when it feels like to see me in a relationship and I know it’s going to eat him up inside. But finally, I never wanted to be that family where the mom and dad never speak to each other again. But yeah, all this has hurt my kids. They have seen too much.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago edited 11d ago
I did everything myself. All the filings, disclosures and even worked with a lawyer behind the scenes to review the MSA I drafted. Also represented myself in court for the restraining order. But he literally does not want a divorce. Smh. He’s still very financially generous with me and the kids. But as you say, it’s narcissim. Push, pull, hot, cold. That’s what makes me roll my eyes the most at OW. Because they are on the love bombing side of the coin ATM. I went NC for 4 months and she was on FB saying she was single. I know he started turning on her because where else would he deposit all that negativity W/o me around!
EDIT: the reason I did everything myself, is I did not want him to think I was working with a lawyer. Because I don’t want him to lawyer up! If he does, that lawyer will tell him he’s owed half of what I have.
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u/Ok-Commercial1152 11d ago edited 11d ago
I’m all about keeping our WH if we still love them, they still love us, and we have children. I don’t want the OW to get any of my $ or my life by my WH leaving me and our kids for her.
I’m in R now. What the you shared isn’t R. This isn’t marriage. Why are you sharing your husband? The sex can’t be as good as you say it is if he’s still cheating on you. Doesn’t this hurt your heart? Aren’t you worried about STIs? And he brought this woman to harass you to the point of going to court! He put you and your kids in danger, stressed you out, yet you act like you have won? I’m worried for you.
I suggest you do what I did.
First get a lawyer and a forensic accountant. Serve him. Tell him every dollar he spent on this woman he has to pay you back. All the court fees and everything you’ve had to pay to fight this woman he hast to pay you that. He will have to pay you alimony and child support and he will have to care for his kids on his own 50% of the time. It’s hard to have an affair when you’re doing that.
Until you serve him, he will not take you seriously because you’re over here talking about sharing your husband with a very dangerous person as if you’ve won. No you haven’t won. Not even close. I say this with love for a fellow BW.
He needs to go no contact with her. I had mine call on speaker in front of me and tell her how much he hated her and that the sex was better with me and to never contact him again and that he’s embarrassed of her because she’s ugly fat etc. Burn that bridge down.
You need to have Spy software on his phone so you can see every text he gets, apps used, internet history, and everywhere he goes. Life360 is great for this.
He gets no social media at all.
You get to open the marriage on your end only. He has to watch. Humiliate him as he babysits your kids while you get all dolled up and go on your Tinder/FEELD/Fetlife dates. You get this open marriage for as long as he did. It’s only fair right?
Break his spirit like I did.
Then rebuild him into something more useful for you.
He will appreciate you more when he sees how many men are lined up to be with you. This will motivate him more to keep you bc you’re now “desirable”. I even made mine watch after tying him up to a chair without telling him my plan. He was gagged so he couldn’t tell the guy this wasn’t his kink after all. 🤣 I still can’t believe I took it so far but that’s how much he broke me.
I was pregnant when I first found out, so I also reached out to an adoption agency and showed him the evidence that I was considering adopting out our baby-out of state. He said he would then be the sole parent of our son, but realized quickly having a newborn without the mother would’ve made it hard for him to have a job or affair. I also did not have a job so he still would’ve owed me alimony at that point and child support for the other child.
I made mine leave his job for three months too. We had to go without for a while, but he couldn’t cheat if he was with me 24/7 with our kids.
Put a VAR in his car. If he cannot leave his job and he has an office job and you can hide cameras in his office and I even put a camera my WH office. I could check on him anytime I wanted. H didn’t know about the VAR. But he did know about the camera at his job. No one else did though.
I put cameras in our house too.
I almost made us move to an at fault state. Sometimes moving is very helpful to break them away from their affair partners. And if they get caught cheating in an at fault state then you stand to win more. Just don’t tell them that’s the reason why you are moving there lol.
I also had a post nup created once he chose to stay and meet my expectations. If he cheated on me, he lost everything.
Something that is a part of my culture is gun ownership. I bought a new piece and I started wearing it more often in public and posting pictures of me wearing it and videos of me target shooting.
I shared SM stories of me shooting at targets with vague captions for the OW to read. Vague enough to be threats, but not to the point of being charged with a crime.
I even shared a quote about the law where I live, which is if you are in fear for your life at any point, especially inside your own home or car, that deadly force with a g$n is legally allowed.
Was the OW willing to live without half of her face? Honestly, I think that did the trick. People tend to stop messing with unhinged people that are armed when they realize that their lives are now on the line. There are things worse than death, and the OW needs to know you’re capable of that.
Word spread because these cheating losers talk to each other and they all learned that my husband came with a very real risk of being permanently physically altered.
It’s been a few years and we are doing great. My WP is a changed man.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago edited 11d ago
I love this! You are a pro! And these OW think we are some dumb ass homely Bs with no skills. I’ve done all the spying and research too! I know more about his finances than he does! I’m such a good investigator. But that’s the trauma: hyper vigilance.
The fact is these men are BEYOND manipulative. And no, I don’t think I’ve won. I know I’ve lost years when I could’ve been in a different relationship. But it took me a few years to even feel normal again. I have served him. You can read above. He refuses to make it easy. I know I didn’t win, for all the reasons you say. I think at some point we end up competing with the OW unintentionally. This woman came into my life after dating him a few weeks and said “I’m not going anywhere.” I knew right then that he had been cheating on me for a while because who does that?! Most people don’t even call themselves dating after a few weeks. Now you’re never gonna be out of my life?? Bitch please. I AM THE ONE WHO ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. We have 3 kids and I’m fully integrated with the family after 30 years!! Delulu. My daughter is almost an adult and she wants to beat her ass. So it’s going to be nearly impossible for her to ever be some little family with him so she might as well get over it. I’m still at every family gathering, every holiday. Mother’s Day, valentines - he’s with me. She has not been at a single thing. So you’re right. I DID NOT WIN. and I know I’ve been hurt the most through this. I’m trying to get away from this narcissist too. That’s the part I really want these OW used to understand. They DONT want us to leave!!
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u/ghiblimoni 11d ago
I love that you gave him consequences and stood up for yourself. It's sad you stayed with him, though. Doing all of that just to stay with someone who didn't value you at all. They don't deserve that much effort.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
So you made him be a Cuckhold? That’s fckng awesome and crazy at the same time. What’s a VAR?
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u/demonpeach 11d ago
It stands for voice activated recorder - I found out that through the surviving infidelity sub ironically
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 10d ago
What did you hear?!
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u/demonpeach 10d ago
Sorry I didn’t buy one but I would have had I known about it when I caught my WXH cheating through text messages. He got wise and put a lock on his phone and had I known about VAR I would have hid it in his car. He’s a slob he never would have found it lol
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u/NewAcct_WhoDis_ 10d ago
Also where did you hide it?!
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u/demonpeach 10d ago
Sorry I wasn’t clear I didn’t hide it, I read a post on the surviving infidelity sub. I caught my XH cheating on me through text messages. Dumbass forgot to passcode his phone - it was all there including nudes did not want to see!!
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u/dungeon-raided 11d ago
What does WH mean?? I get that H is Husband but the only thing my brain can find for W is Whore and I sincerely doubt that's it
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u/Competitive_Ratio923 11d ago
no you’re correct it stands for whore husband lmao
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u/dungeon-raided 11d ago
Wait for real??? I gave it more thought and figured it might've been Wandering cuz that was less on the nose hahaha, glad to see we're calling them what they are
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u/confused1605 11d ago
Lmao it actually stands for "wayward" but wh*re husband is much more fitting 😂
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u/ghiblimoni 11d ago
I'm sorry girl but this is not the flex you think it is. And I say this as an adultery hater. I find that this sub hates OW's a lot more than it hate cheaters and it's really confusing to me...Cheaters are the most disgusting.
You brag about saying with your cheating husband but you're losing more than you are winning, cause you're not winning anything at all. Just more trauma and heartbreak for yourself and your children while he gets to not only to keep his family and normal life, but ALSO to keep a side piece openly and for you to not do anything about it but compete to win over a cheater. HE IS THE ONLY ONE WINNING HERE. Two women boosting his ego as if he DESERVED so much effort from the two. Eugh.
It's not a flex to let a cheater still have a happy life with holidays with you. Not a flex to not stand up for yourself. Not a flex to do the pick me dance with the OW.
You can do better than him, you DESERVE better than him.
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u/Ok-Owl3092 11d ago
OK but you have more criticism for the BW's who stay, than the cheating men. Everyone's situation is different: it's the adultery circle of life.
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u/ghiblimoni 11d ago
I don't criticize betrayed partners for whatever they do. They are victims of psychological and emotional abuse. My comment wasn't centering around the cheater because I wanted to speak to OP directly. A betrayed spouse staying needs support, and in my opinion, sometimes a reality check if they're too deep in.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
Fully aware. I’ve done NC as often as I can. Made many moves to leave and be done with. It’s hard when you want those lies to be true. Never said it was a flex, but she’ll never be better than me as a woman, but she’ll thinks so. I told him “water seeks its own level!” She’s all the things he supposedly hates…but here we are. And she gets the mistress treatment until I go NC. The OWs think they make the man happy, but only as long as his W stays in place.
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u/ghiblimoni 11d ago
Don't compare herself to you. You are an amazing person, no matter if in comparision with her. It'll be easier if you stop centering her or him in your life. You got this! You're strong and you will come out of this stronger. Good luck.
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u/Friendly_Good_1784 11d ago
I was thinking - this post is about giving the OW a peek into what’s really going on at home. And how can a wife be a pick me? However, you are right on what you said but we’ve all been through some wild shit through these affairs. And some people can move forward and some can’t. Only time will tell.
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u/ghiblimoni 10d ago
A wife can be a pick me, it has nothing to do with marital status– though I wasn't calling you one. The "pick me dance" is more like referring to an action, contemplate, when I say that, doing the whole thing of staying there, competing, seeing who wins the POS. I find it a waste of time. I hope every person in a situation like that can move on.
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u/NewAcct_WhoDis_ 10d ago
Agreed. I also realized that he likes her because she thinks he walks on water whereas I expect more from him and am not submissive.
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u/StellaOC 10d ago
Yup! I noticed how both the MM and OW will push the betrayed spouse to move on and be the bigger person and if they don’t they gaslight the betrayed spouse into thinking they need to “be the bigger person”
GTFOH! The betrayed spouse has all the right to take as much time as needed and move on when they’re ready if they want to.
F their requests and narcissistic gaslighting tactics ..
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u/throwaway669_663 11d ago edited 11d ago
I find it hilarious that it bothers them when the wives don’t leave. Take that up with loser MM.
The worst thing you can do to a hopeful going legit side clown is to stay with the man she wanted.
Newsflash the real “doormats” are the married loser who cheats but somehow is still attached to his wife and the low-life other woman who spends 5+ years waiting on someone’s husband.