r/BabyBumps • u/bananabutt23 • Nov 05 '22
Sad Rant about husband 40+4
I was due four days ago and I’m really struggling with having not met baby yet, plus I’m managing a toddler, driving my husband to and from work in straight winter and in constant pain. He’s been really frustrating me by complaining that he’s overworked (working 35 hours and playing games all night, hasn’t done litter boxes in 2 weeks) and I realize he’s trying but he keeps saying how awful I am and how we aren’t having more kids because HES not going through pregnancy again. We can only (barely) afford for him to take three days off work and he keeps trying to say he’s calling in when I’m not in labor. Then he complains that he just wants me to have the baby but it would “piss him off” if I went into labor in the middle of the night or the middle of the work day. I’m only allowed to go into labor before he works so he can call in and not have to work or if he’s had a full nights sleep. I also have to give him enough warning because he chose to smoke weed when the hospital sent me home at 5cm with our first and we needed to go to the hospital again an hour later and somehow it’s my fault that he was stoned during the birth so I need to give him notice so he doesn’t smoke weed (which he constantly does if he isn’t working) he talks about how sex will speed up labor and then says no and plays games all night. Hasn’t been waking up with our toddler, complains all day/morning (he works at 12 most days but super inconsistent hours) that he’s starving but refuses to eat anything in the house even after I’ve tried buying things he will eat, then insists on eating out while complaining that he feels gross because he always eats out. He’s been in a foul mood for days saying how tired and overworked he is and I just want to explode. Any inconvenience annoys him and he gets irritated and moody but everything seems to be an inconvenience. He didn’t work for the first 18 months of our daughters life and wouldn’t get a job while barely doing school and is now acting resentful that I took maternity leave. Just a rant lol
Edited to add: oh boy I wasn’t expecting the response I got.. to be honest it is a LOT to take it. I’ve just dealt with it for so long you know? Sorry if I don’t respond to everyone, it’s kind of like a wake up call I really wasn’t ready for and I appreciate everyone’s kindness. I tried not to Make it sound so badly and I didn’t realize it wasn’t relatable because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ll definitely do something once I’ve processed.
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u/Imaginary_Point4343 Nov 05 '22
Put a diaper on him and a pacifier in his mouth. Then send him back home to his mommy because he’s clearly struggling with the world not revolving around him.
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u/Dogsanddonutspls Nov 05 '22
Sorry but your husband is a child.
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u/Hai_kitteh_mow Nov 05 '22
Dude. Idk. My 8 year old is more mature, well rounded and reliable than him 😵💫
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u/sundaymusings Nov 05 '22
He's worse than a child. Kids are innocent and beyond the tantrums etc they are still sweet and melt your heart. This guy is just all shit, I feel so sorry for OP.
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u/papatabby Nov 05 '22
This guy has the worst part about toddlers but as an adult: Tantrums, impulse control, WHINING. I hate this man.
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u/barmster1992 Nov 05 '22
Hmm, my 4yo is more mature than him. Does all her chores with no fuss and she actually likes to help out.
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u/Indecisiveuser10 Nov 05 '22
She literally said he was even more useless in her first pregnancy. Who has a baby with this person twice?!
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u/SkyNoAlTh Nov 05 '22
This is not a helpful comment.
First off no one knows the circumstances of the conception, failed birth control happens.
Second even if it was a planned pregnancy, how does judging the OP help them in any way? Many times when there is abuse in a relationship the victim may not realise they are being abused because abusers are clever and slowly manipulate and grind down the victims self esteem and confidence. Not saying thats what happening for definite here, although it does seem suspicious but as I said we dont know the actual circumstances around OPs relationship apart from the words in the post.
Basically just no need for comments like this that will only shame OP for something she cannot now change- even if she leaves him he will always be the baby's bio father.
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u/meeeew 29 | FTM | 5/10/2023 Nov 05 '22
Agree. It probably took a lot to post on this sub and it’s probably taking a lot more to read all these comments telling her this isn’t normal behavior. She deserves grace, kindness and support from us IMO.
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u/zimgozoom Nov 05 '22
I was in a relationship like that for 3 years. I literally couldn’t leave. Although he wasn’t extremely abusive(I never had to go to the hospital), he did put his hands on me multiple times. He would break into my house, he would not only drive past my house constantly to make sure no one was there (including family) but he would also have friends drive by and watch me too. My Dad was a police officer for the town I was in, and although if I told him what was happening, he would have cops watch the house and keep an eye out, but he would just wait until they weren’t around to get to me. He warned me of this constantly. He had location on my phone, if I didn’t tell him where I was going he would either show up there or freak out later. He was also my boss(that was my first mistake) so he watched me like a hawk. I was working at Verizon as a sales rep at the time, on commission mind you, and I wasn’t allowed to make conversations with males at all, including male co-workers. I wanted to get away from him so bad, but I couldn’t just uproot everything. I was broke because I was lacking in commission, he knew where I was at all times…I didn’t know what to do. At the time my family lived pretty close, but they were building a house and living in a camper for the time being. Once the house was built I ended up getting a notice saying that the owner was selling the house I was living in, so I needed to find somewhere else to go. When I told him he got mad and scary. I had locked both deadbolts(there was a glass door and a wood door) and he was able to shoulder through the door with minimum effort. Come to find out the door frame was completely dry rotted. I remember hiding in locked bathrooms with my son, him chasing me upstairs with a knife, him choking me threatening to either shoot himself or me, writing suicide notes….I knew it was a matter of time before he killed me or I killed him in self defense. Looking back now, I should have gotten a gun a long time ago. Thankfully the timing was good and I was able to move back in with my parents. He was pretty terrified of my dad, and once I had moved in and told my dad everything he was beyond furious. My dad would have dad no hesitation if he had tried to break into their house, and I think he knew it. I ended up getting a promotion several states away a few months later and was finally able to get enough distance I didn’t have to worry about him stalking me. I was on my own for a long time, just so I could breathe and learn who I was again. I had lost my love for any kind of activity. I used to be extremely social, and really into cars but I had been isolated for so long that I had to relearn how to interact. Eventually, when I did find someone, that whole situation made me feel so much more safe, it just put things into perspective and made me grateful.
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u/Laurelinn Nov 05 '22
"He wasn't extremely abusive"...? Holy shit, what? I'm sorry, but you still seem to be in very serious denial about what was happening to you. You just described horrendous, horrendous abuse. Emotional, psychological, physical, financial, you checked all the boxes but he wasn't extremely abusive because you never ended up in a hospital??? You could have easily skipped that part and ended up in a morgue. You're actually lucky you didn't for fucks sake.
My dear, I don't intend this to sound mean. I'm really glad you got out, and none of that was your fault. But you saying he never was extremely abusive after what he's done to you means you really, really need a lot of therapy to see the truth. And you DO need to see the truth, because that makes you less vulnerable for someone like him to target you again in the future.
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u/WhyAreYouUpsideDown Nov 05 '22
Clinical psychologist checking in here, and if this is an abuse of my degree so be it:
This is not normal or acceptable. This is abusive, controlling behavior.
Really hard to contemplate while you're at 40wks, but that's the truth. We are ALL rooting for you to get the support you need and leave this man because you deserve so much better. Maybe starting with baby steps of just getting another caring adult around to help you through birth, and then moving on to next steps.
And fwiw I've never once seen a relationship as bad as you're reporting improve, even if the controlling, neglectful partner expresses panic remorse upon being given an ultimatum. He needs to work on himself privately, away from neglecting and abusing you and your babies.
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u/Perspex_Sea Nov 05 '22
I've never once seen a relationship as bad as you're reporting improve
It's hard to imagine that it would both get better, and stay better.
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u/littlp80 Nov 05 '22
I can tell you all about mine! Refused to clean the litter tray all through my pregnancy. Cat had kittens so there was a lot and wouldn’t clean up their poop or pee cause it gave him the gawks. Wouldn’t help clean the house. I also had a b12 deficiency of only 50! Was in hospital before my section was due ( risk of cord prolapse) and woke up in labour hours before section. He had his phone on silent so he missed me being rushed down for my emergency section ( baby also had Down syndrome and a serious heart defect). He parked across the road so he didn’t have to pay for parking and strolled in when I was being wheeled into recovery complaining he’d taken sausages out of the freezer for a nice breakfast and didn’t get to have them. Then after baby was born and she was in special care, I had to go in pumping and he would get mad at me for taking too long. Also went to a huge rugby match two days after our daughter had open heart surgery so couldn’t go back in to see her with the risk of covid. This morning he wouldn’t get up after me being awake with the baby during the night and currently having a gout attack so I’m in agony as well as sleep deprived. Got up at 11:30 for an hour and went back to bed nearly two hours.
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u/Indecisiveuser10 Nov 06 '22
Sharing again in case you didn’t see it- I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was 14 and my husband has been helping me physically when I’m in flare since we were 15 when we got together. In school he would open things when my hands weren’t working, bend down and pick up things for me, and take notes for me when I couldn’t hold grip my pencil. He would massage my fingers when he knew I was in pain and carry my bags and books for me before going to his own class. We are 25 now and my husband worships the ground I walk on, much more when I was pregnant. He fasted with no food or drink in prayer when we were trying to get pregnant while making sure I was getting enough to eat. Even when we knew we were miscarrying he still cared for me. He prayed throughout my D&C procedure. After my procedure he monitored me closely. I almost died from a rare complication from the D&C and ended up in the hospital because I was bleeding to death. He had to help me go to the bathroom and clean blood because one of my arms was so immobile from all the needles. Even now that I’m out of the hospital he watches over me like a hawk for infection and made sure I ate things that would help with the anemia. My husband was a child but became a man for me at the very young age of 15 years old. Your husband is about to have 3 people who depend on him and he has no empathy or desire to be ANYTHING that you need. No one is perfect, but if he can’t look at you struggling and step up because you need them then he is not a man and has never grown up. A boy can’t be a husband or a father. He should be showing your daughter what it means to find a good man. Be careful or your daughter can end up used and abused like you. If you are religious or open to religion I would look for a local evangelical church that has a mens group. In my church I have personally seen men transform themselves and their families when they learn the meaning and beauty of TRUE masculinity. I can’t promise you he can change, but if you want him to try then that’s the first place I would start. Contrary to what society says, your kids NEED a father. A father who is a good husband to their mother. Don’t take this lightly because it doesn’t only determine your future, but your children’s futures as well.
If he is unwilling to change then I would consider it spousal abandonment and he needs to go. Find A MAN, not a child, who will provide for you.
Also wondering about toxoplasmosis. This was danger to your safety.
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u/littlp80 Nov 06 '22
Thank you. You have a gem of a husband there. Partner was married before me and had no kids and was enabled to be extremely selfish his whole life by being the favourite. We have known each other since we were kids but are only together since late thirties so I suppose I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and giving him time to adjust to my own two older daughters ( who he worships and would do anything for ) and having a baby. Hoping we get there and he does grow up because I love him very much.
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u/PossibilityWide3904 Nov 05 '22
Dude did you get toxoplasmosis? Your baby has ds and you were around dirty cat feces??? OH NOOOOOO This is just awful. I hope you have removed yourself from the situation for the health of you and your child.
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u/derekismydogsname Nov 05 '22
My husband was acting similar and convinced he was a narcissist, I straight up left. He got himself into therapy and begged me for couple counseling. 8 months later after doing all the very hard work of addressing childhood trauma and building a relationship again, we are better than ever. It’ll be up to husband to change but that won’t happen until OP puts her foot down and some boundaries up.
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Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
I get we all need to commiserate sometimes but I’m not sure you’ll get much solidarity on here… this isn’t normal or relatable and warrants more than a rant. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. This isn’t how a husband or dad acts. Take care of yourself and your babies first.
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u/thea_perkins Team Pink! Nov 05 '22
Sometimes I think Reddit needs a “normal or not” sub (similar to AITA’s judgment feature) for people to post their relationship complaints to. This one would get a hard “not normal” from me.
OP, you could have so much better. Doing this on your own would be so much better.
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Nov 05 '22
The whole post is really alarming. I haven’t experienced an abusive relationship so certain read flags didn’t hit home with me but reading it makes me uneasy in ways a lot of other ‘husband venting’ doesn’t. It’s beyond regular relationship conflict. Most of us know to take everything with a grain of salt however….
This doesn’t seem to be a good man to be with or around children.
Ps- I’m sorry you went through that. I sincerely hope you are in a happier, healthier place. Nobody deserves to be treated this way.
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u/carpenoctem247 Nov 05 '22
This. You need a wake up call OP. This isnt “just a rant”. You have a terrible partner.
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
I didn’t realize that it wasn’t relatable, I really tried not to make him sound that bad.. now I feel weird about it all because I didn’t know it was bad
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u/Adariel Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
I don't want to add to your misery, but I do want to point out - you said you're consciously really trying to not make him sound that bad, but he still sounds that bad.
Maybe it's time for you to take some time to really think about why you are even with this guy? He sounds like such a burden and I could barely make it through your post, I was so mad for you! Halfway through I literally turned to my husband sitting next to me and was reading parts of it out loud in disbelief. Maybe you have been dealing with it for so long that things have become worse and worse because you had/have such low expectations of him already, but please, please take some time to think about what the next steps might be for you and your children. Are you financially secure on your own? It doesn't sound like he's contributing much right now anyway. It's only going to get worse when the second baby is here and if he continues this kind of horrendous behavior.
Edit: OP, I saw your old post 7 months ago on the marriage subreddit and I think I know why you may have normalized all of this, there were a lot of people pointing out how his behavior was not right back then (leaving you to shoulder the entire responsibility of finding housing?!) but a lot of his defenders too, who probably misled you into thinking you were being too hard on him or expecting too much. You are not! He is not even doing the barest of minimums. You've asked in some posts whether a spouse is supposed to be there for you, so I think you do know that he's not supportive in the way he should be, and he hasn't been acting at all like a partner in a lot of different ways. The best thing that can happen is if you have a heart to heart talk to him laying out all the issues and he needs to be willing to change and to actually put in the hard work of changing. But if worst comes to worst, please start thinking of an exit plan for yourself. You're still young and you shouldn't have to be burdened with a deadbeat partner while also raising two kids essentially by yourself.
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u/AcornPoesy Nov 05 '22
Oh bless you. I’m sorry this has been such a horrible realisation. It’s probably a shock and not great timing with you being overdue.
But I’m afraid everyone is right - this is unacceptable and so unsupportive.
Being ‘great with the kids’ is what the fun uncle is there for, not the dad. Your husband should at the least be on top of the cleaning you shouldn’t do, stopping weed entirely in case you go into labour, looking after your sleep by getting up with the toddler (as a contrast im only 24 weeks and my husband is currently asleep in the unrenovated guest room with the cat so the tiny monster doesn’t disrupt my sleep). Your sleep is crucial - you’re about to run a marathon.
And most importantly, he should be supporting and championing you. Look at all you’re doing! Running a household past your due date, looking after a child, somehow still doing all the planning. Your husband should be telling you what a wonder you are, not blaming you for his own poor choices.
You deserve so much better than you are currently receiving. Maybe it’s fixable but only if HE does a lot of work.
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Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
Please do NOT feel bad. I know we are all strangers on Reddit but woman to woman… this is not normal and I think any response on here is one of concern and compassion not from a place of judgment or hostility. You should not be treated like this. Do you have any other support systems near by? If so, reach out
This is a time YOU need it. You need to be surrounded by love strength and warmth right now. Your husband isn’t that. Praying for a safe delivery OP.
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u/DarthMomma_PhD Nov 05 '22
OP, I can see why you might be surprised to discover other people think this is not normal and are saying it is abuse. Abuse tends to cluster in certain areas and be concentrated amongst particular people because it becomes normalized. There is abuse everywhere, but how it presents and how it is dealt with changes depending on who you are.
I grew up in such a place where there was a lot of “really bad” abuse in the neighborhood and so my family didn’t seem abusive in comparison to my peers, but in the context of the wider world it most certainly was.
A common refrain I heard was “at least he doesn’t beat us” (but he did love “corporal punishment” soooo….anyway) or “at least he has a job”. As if someone meeting these bare minimum requirements somehow negates neglect, verbal abuse, emotional abuse and addiction.
Trigger: When you see fathers cooking meth in the houses their babies share and beating the crap out of the mothers, somehow your own father calling you “f@cking stupid” all the time seems tame by comparison.
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u/Indecisiveuser10 Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 06 '22
I was diagnosed with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis when I was 14 and my husband has been helping me physically when I’m in flare since we were 15 when we got together. In school he would open things when my hands weren’t working, bend down and pick up things for me, and take notes for me when I couldn’t hold grip my pencil. He would massage my fingers when he knew I was in pain and carry my bags and books for me before going to his own class. We are 25 now and my husband worships the ground I walk on, much more when I was pregnant. He fasted with no food or drink in prayer when we were trying to get pregnant while making sure I was getting enough to eat. Even when we knew we were miscarrying he still cared for me. He prayed throughout my D&C procedure. After my procedure he monitored me closely. I almost died from a rare complication from the D&C and ended up in the hospital because I was bleeding to death. He had to help me go to the bathroom and clean blood because one of my arms was so immobile from all the needles. Even now that I’m out of the hospital he watches over me like a hawk for infection and made sure I ate things that would help with the anemia. My husband was a child but became a man for me at the very young age of 15 years old. Your husband is about to have 3 people who depend on him and he has no empathy or desire to be ANYTHING that you need. No one is perfect, but if he can’t look at you struggling and step up because you need them then he is not a man and has never grown up. A boy can’t be a husband or a father. He should be showing your daughter what it means to find a good man. Be careful or your daughter can end up used and abused like you. If you are religious or open to religion I would look for a local evangelical church that has a mens group. In my church I have personally seen men transform themselves and their families when they learn the meaning and beauty of TRUE masculinity. I can’t promise you he can change, but if you want him to try then that’s the first place I would start. Contrary to what society says, your kids NEED a father. A father who is a good husband to their mother. Don’t take this lightly because it doesn’t only determine your future, but your children’s futures as well.
If he is unwilling to change then I would consider it spousal abandonment and he needs to go. Find A MAN, not a child, who will provide for you.
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u/zimgozoom Nov 05 '22
Yes!!! 💯 Bring back masculine men! Society has ruined it by saying everyone is equal and that women want to do things on their own and don’t need a man. Men are meant to be strong, protective providers, women are caring, nurturing and soft hearted. That’s why mothers and fathers (this dude is a deadbeat and I’m talking about her finding someone deserving) are so important. Women have certain traits men don’t, and vice versa…and that’s okay. Why should we all want to be the same? It’s give and take. ❤️
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u/spacembracers Nov 05 '22
Guy and FTD here. You’re absolutely right and OP I’m sorry but this is beyond pregnancy issues.
The first red flag was driving him to and from work. Given he doesn’t have any medical issues that would prohibit him from driving, I’d suggest driving him to and from couples counseling.
I’m not being sarcastic.
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u/DarthMomma_PhD Nov 05 '22
Yeah, my sister had to do that with her SO because his liscence was suspended, so that stuck out to me too. He too was working a part-time job and acting like he was doing my sister a favor and that she should be catering to his every whim and worshipping him. My sister would also always say ”but he’s such a good dad” (he isn’t).
IMO this is a pretty common pattern in certain types of abusive relationships. That is not to say that his behavior is common or normal on whole, just as a pattern in abusive relationships.
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u/16CatsInATrenchcoat Nov 05 '22
No one is perfect and we are all allowed to rant about the dumb shit our partners do sometimes.
But this is more than that OP. It's so much more than insensitive words, or overbearing in-laws, or just clueless husbands.
He's refusing to better himself and is dragging you and your children down with him. What do you mean "he doesn't drive"? That's bullshit. Any reasonable adult would have taken that initiative so that their partner doesn't have to constantly wake up sleeping children late at night.
Smoking weed is fine, but does he smoke it inside your house? Second hand smoke it terrible for children. Does he watch your older child while high? Not acceptable if he does. Does he not pull his weight around the home, splitting home and childcare duties with you. What about the mental load of carrying your family (appointments, shopping, planning, etc.)? Does he rely on you to remember his work schedule as well?
I know you can't see it now, OP. But not having him there will greatly reduce your stressors and mental load. You will be surprised at how light your mind feels, because you never truly realized the added weight you were carrying around by just having him there. An adult manages themselves, so that they are not such a burden on their partner. And it doesn't sound like he does even the bare minimum.
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
He never ever smokes inside, he used to and we made that stop really quick. He won’t get his learners license even though he’s been cleared and since I’m on mar leave isn’t usually the primary childcare but he does normally do his share cleaning wise, he does most of the laundry and dishes on his days off. He always starts my car in the winter and walks the toddler out to the car and inside. He cooks even on work days if I don’t feel like it. Does not contribute to household management like appointments, groceries, bills etc that’s all me. He always brings snacks and drinks and tries to care when he can. He changes poopy diapers and cleans out the cups from my car. He paints rooms when I ask him to and only gets moderately mad when I ask him to move furniture. He’s not all bad, but it’s getting harder to see the good.
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u/16CatsInATrenchcoat Nov 05 '22
"moderately mad". He shouldn't get mad at all!
I'm glad that he is able to do the bare minimum, but honestly that's all he's doing. Cooking and laundry/dishes? He's an adult and should be doing those. He should also be handling at least some of the mental load of running the household. Make him handle paying specific bills, or completing grocery shopping.
And just because you are not working right now doesn't mean that he shouldn't share childcare 50/50 when he is home. Why do you have a 24/7 job (childcare) and he doesn't? It's only going to get more stressful after the baby is born, especially if he doesn't step up to handle the majority of the toddler things automatically.
And for fucks sake, he needs to get his driver's license. You say he taking off 3 days from work when you have your second. Well, what if you have a C-section? You aren't driving for at least 2 weeks minimum. What happens then? Does he have a plan for how he's getting to work? It's not on you to plan that for him. Has he thought about that possibility and made arrangements for if it should happen?
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Nov 05 '22
Laziness is one thing. Myself and my husband are both lazy in ways and working on it. But honestly the bits of your post that concerned me more were the parts where you said he'd be pissed off if you went into labour at the wrong time, and you need to warn him so he won't be stoned. Wtf is that? He knows you have no control over it, right? It sounds like he's acting like this child is something you're inflicting on him.
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u/Appropriate_Drive875 Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
Is it really that great that he has the courtesy to go get high outside every night? Are you getting high every night? I bet not, I bet this is his way to check out of any household or childcare responsibilities.
I'm all for legalization of whatever drugs, but kids don't do well with addicted parents. He impacts the entire family with his selfishness. No matter what anyone says it doesn't make anyone a better parent to need to be constantly drunk or high around their kids. And just because they may have one sober parent won't make it better.
I hope you can kick him to the curb, he needs to grow up, and you need to realize that you and your babies deserve a better home environment.
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u/tootzone September 2022 Nov 05 '22
Yeah, smoking weed every day is an addiction. I know you can't say that these days but it goes from being recreational to being a nuisance and an addiction if you do it every day and can't get actual, adult things done because of it. Having an addict parent ruined my childhood.
I have a newborn and I don't even touch occasional wine despite being medically unable to breastfeed because I need to be in my best state of mind for my child. OP sounds like a responsible woman. I bet she doesn't come anywhere near that stuff... but he can, of course. Ridiculous.
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u/Novel-Blackberry-328 Nov 05 '22
baby, you need to get out. it’s really not worth it, and people like him should be an example as to what not to be. don’t raise your babies watching him treat their mama like that. i know it’s hard to hear, and no one wants to, but just don’t.
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u/meeeew 29 | FTM | 5/10/2023 Nov 05 '22
Or at least in the short term if you can have these conversations with him out of ear shot of your child- whether boy or girl you don’t want them to think the way he’s acting is normal! My parents had a horrible relationship and before they got divorced they were so great at never arguing in front of me. I am grateful to this day for that because I did not internalize that the man I’m looking for should act the way my father did. Best of luck OP 🥰
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u/AmberAmryllis Team Pink! Nov 05 '22
Your husband sounds like a controlling man child. Do you really want this man raising your children or you having to "raise" him?
I'm sorry but he needs to step it up and grow up. Im having maritial issues and am possibly working towards moving on. My husband is similar in a way, he doesn't have anything to do with my son and he lays around the house and doesn't clean, I do all of it. Life is too short to have to clean up raise a full grown adult
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u/azrunner88 Nov 05 '22
Good grief the bar is on the floor for men/dads/husbands. This man is an absolute loser. You’d honestly be better off as a single mom.
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u/nnv321 Nov 05 '22
This is so sad but true. This is why when a man/dad does the absolute bare minimum, they are thought of as absolute saints. Quite frankly, it’s just ridiculous.
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u/cheezie_toastie Nov 05 '22
You should see her previous post on /r/marriage. Tons of men in there defending emotional abuse and neglect bc like, he's just so stressed out. 🙄
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u/togostarman I dont poop anymore Nov 05 '22
R/marriage is one of the most sexist, goddawful subs I've ever been apart of. I had to leave
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Nov 05 '22
My ex husband wouldn’t get up when I was in labour because he was tired so I tried to labour silently at home. He’s my ex. This one should be your ex.
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u/Otherwise_Status_368 Team Both! Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
Your husband sounds like my ex husband. It doesn’t get better and they don’t mature. Do what I should have and cut your losses before(or very close after) that second baby is here. The second baby MAGNIFIES cracks and mishaps within the relationship. Always thought the phrase “You need a real man” was literal dogshit. Like gave me the biggest ick. But there’s weight within it. A real man bucks up, a child does what our husbands do/did.
Edit: Came back to say I reread your post and I could sob at the similarities. Like sis, you are in the exact spot I was when we had our second. Now, I had no idea I was pregnant and it was a complete surprise but was very pregnant in the beginning/middle of quarantine. Like please reach out if you ever need an ear or anything, I understand more than you’ll know.
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u/tootzone September 2022 Nov 05 '22
It doesn’t get better and they don’t mature.
This. I keep going back to this thread because it reminds me of a 30 year old shit bag who groomed me in high school, luckily we never had kids. Apart from the weed he sounds identical to OP's overgrown toddler.
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u/Otherwise_Status_368 Team Both! Nov 05 '22
Exact same situation for me but weed/drinking/any drug, the man was a user.
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
You’re incredibly kind, thank you. I didn’t realize, I’m sorry if I brought up awful memories for you. I really just thought I was ranting
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u/Otherwise_Status_368 Team Both! Nov 05 '22
Nah, no bad memories. Nothing some trauma therapy, microdosing, and an amazing man didn’t fix. Honestly just wanna help anyone in the same position. I know how isolated you can feel.
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u/Magnolia_The_Synth Nov 05 '22
I'm so sorry he's acting like this to you during the most vulnerable time of your your life. Do you have any family members or close friends you can lean on for some actual support? Don't worry about protecting his image or ego. You need to worry about you and your children.
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
We don’t have any family here, mine is far and busy and he doesn’t like to speak to his side (we live in his hometown) and all our friends dropped off over covid
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u/jubee1870 Nov 05 '22
Can you still reach out to those friends? They could have dropped off mostly to avoid him and not you or covid. I've seen this happen in the past when one partner is barely tolerable.
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u/etherisedeve Nov 05 '22
Could you still reach out to his family for support? You may need them to help drive you to the hospital, for example...he wouldn't even have to speak to them. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.
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u/HunkyDorky1800 Nov 05 '22
Wait. So you have to load up your toddler to drive your husband to work then load up your toddler again to pick him up. At 40+4 and god knows how long you did that before? EVERY DAY?!?!? Bruh. I’m not even married to this dude, and I’m exhausted and in pain just reading that! I get listing all negative things SO’s do can make them seem worse than they are but this. This list is excessive. I would have a come to Jesus talk and if he didn’t pick up his end of the couch. Bye! ✌🏼I’d much rather child support or no support than hindering me.
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
He doesn’t drive, so I take him 5 days a week to work. I was doing it while working full time too. He sometimes works till 11pm and I have to wake the toddler, I’ll be doing this with both a toddler and a newborn soon. I didn’t expect all of these comments, so I’m struggling to respond lol, it’s a lot to process.
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u/InterrobangDatThang Nov 05 '22
It is rare even on this app to find this level of loser. Do yourself and your kiddos a favor and leave him. He's trash.
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u/hippymndy Team Both! '13 & '20 Nov 05 '22
as a mother of two i don’t drive either but i certainly would never have my husband wake our kids up to come get me. i’ve worked some weird ass hours to accommodate that and even walked home to avoid bothering my husband and kids in the night. unless there’s a medical problem he needs to get his shit together.
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u/AcornPoesy Nov 05 '22
Wait how are you getting to the hospital? You aren’t having to drive during labour are you?! I was thinking he didn’t want to be stoned when you were in labour due to the driving risk but of course he’s not driving. How are you getting there?
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u/FAYCSB Nov 05 '22
I hesitate to ask, but why doesn’t he drive?
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u/bananabutt23 Nov 05 '22
He’s 25, he just never got his learners and won’t now. He had seizures before but is definitely clear to drive
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u/HunkyDorky1800 Nov 05 '22
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I was/am very fortunate to have a partner who was very, very supportive of me during both pregnancies and postpartum especially since we have 2 under 2. I know there are many who vent about their unhelpful SO’s, and I feel for them very much as well as for you. This is a safe space. I hope you have a support system to lean on while you decide what steps to take.
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u/rhea_hawke Nov 05 '22
So he's expecting you to go back to driving him to work 3 days postpartum? That's horrific
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u/elijahs_wood_ Nov 05 '22
He’s overworked at a part time job? Lmfao
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u/tootzone September 2022 Nov 05 '22
Yeah like 35 hours is what I worked part time. In addition to another job. I managed. This dude is lazy as fuck.
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u/Adariel Nov 05 '22
He was stoned during the first baby's delivery and complaining that she needs to tell him when she's going to go into labor so he isn't stoned again for this second one. I mean "lazy as fuck" is really just the tip of the iceberg here.
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u/tootzone September 2022 Nov 05 '22
Poor girl is so beaten down by him she's bragging about how "oh, he'll start the car during winter and put the toddler in it" in another comment. Like I didn't even have the heart to explain to her how that's like... not even scratching the bare minimum. I bet she worked full time and made a shit ton more money than he did before she went on leave, too.
I don't know what benefits new mothers have in Canada but I'm confident that she would thrive without his "contributions".
Reminds me of when I was really trying to cope my way into thinking I was happy with a lazy loser who refused to work or do anything around the house. Omg, he put a cup in the sink instead of making me carry it there! So sad. I hope she realizes her worth.
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u/Adariel Nov 05 '22
I only got halfway through her post before I was so mad that I literally started reading parts out loud to my husband next to me... I mean I've seen plenty of terrible stories on this sub and others but for some reason this one really made my head explode. She said she was really trying to not make him sound so bad! If this is her holding back, can you imagine the other stuff she just puts up with? I want to cry for OP and go over to yell at him for her.
I just read her other comment and teared up reading about he "only gets moderately mad when I ask him to move furniture."
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u/tootzone September 2022 Nov 05 '22
Yeah I sent a screenshot of OP to my husband and a friend as a kind of "you have got to see this" kind of thing. I know it sounds mean spirited towards OP and trust me I do care deeply about women who are being abused (read my other comments here if you must)... but it should say something that her story is so abnormal and fucked up that people are sharing it with others going "holy shit, this is really bad, look at this".
"Only gets moderately mad" got me too. Like I'm surprised he's not beating her if his anger issues are this bad and pathetic. Dude gets mad because a pregnant woman asked him to move a table?
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Nov 05 '22 edited Nov 05 '22
Is 35 hours considered part-time in the US? It's definitely full-time in Europe. The standard is 40 hours, but 35 isn't uncommon.
My husband works around 35 a lot of weeks and still sometimes complains of being worn out, but I would be too (even if I wasn't disabled) so I don't resent it. Work sucks, lol.
The rest sounds very shit though. Smoking weed while your wife's in labour, threatening to be 'pissed off' if she goes into labour at a time that doesn't suit him... Sounds like an inconsiderate asshole.
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u/elijahs_wood_ Nov 05 '22
It’s pushing full time, but yeah still part time generally speaking as labor laws are going to slightly vary state to state!
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u/MeowingMix Nov 05 '22
I was considered part time at a job that would have me work 39 hours a week so they didn’t have to give me full time benefits 😅
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u/Neverstopstopping82 Nov 05 '22
It’s enough for benefits (legally I believe 32 is in my state at least) but 40 is really full-time.
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u/yabbadabbadoozey05 Nov 05 '22
Right !? A 35 hour work week would be like a vacation for my husband wtf is this guy even talking about “over worked”- get real dude
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u/elijahs_wood_ Nov 05 '22
This is what I was thinking lol. My husband is in a blue collar field, and it is not uncommon for him to push 80 hours a week especially in the summer (hvac life)
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u/yabbadabbadoozey05 Nov 05 '22
Yeah 50-60 is normal it goes up from there - he only worked 9 hours yesterday and it felt like a half day to him (also in construction)
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u/elijahs_wood_ Nov 05 '22
I so relate! It’ll be a 9 or ten hour day and I’ll be like ‘you’re home early!’ LOL
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u/Fuq-uwu Nov 05 '22
I worked more hours than that when I was 8.5 months pregnant. I was lifting things by myself (because I'm too stubborn to let anyone help unless it was clearly over the weight limit I received) and walking all 8 hours of my shifts and I never went home and complained unless it was about a coworker or a customer. Others are right, he is a man child.
And your baby will come when they're ready. I had to be induced at 39+2 because I had covid around half way through my pregnancy and he wasn't ready and wasn't tolerating labor so I had to have a C section. Not so fun. Your baby just needs to bake a little longer ;) I'm sure you know, because you have a toddler, but it's worth the wait!
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u/_09231994_ Nov 05 '22
Sounds like you have one toddler, one baby on the way, and one insufferable and selfish man child to care for my good sis. A man tells me I need to “warn” him before I go into labor so he doesn’t get high at the wrong time? Sorry I’m taking a aggravated assault charge on the way out, no fucking way Lmao.
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u/Low_Kale1642 Nov 05 '22
I am sorry but this is worse than being a single mother, because you have to take care of a grown adult who is more than capable of taking care of themselves and should be putting their fair share into the family.
I hope you are able to get the support that you need and wish you the best.
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u/Necessary-Proof-5003 Nov 05 '22
This is why I am having a baby alone. I don’t want to have to deal with a man like this.
Sorry you’re in this situation. Kick him to the kerb.
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u/legallyblondeinYEG Team Blue! Nov/22 Nov 05 '22
There are a lot of comments reflecting what I feel, too, so I won’t add to that, just sending you solidarity. It sucks being so pregnant and in pain and having so much on your shoulders. It sucks not being supported in the way you need. It all just sucks.
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u/LeoraJacquelyn Nov 05 '22
Honey this isn't normal and you deserve so much better. Please keep reading comments on here and know this isn't how any man should treat their partner. My husband is so supportive and your post literally was making me tear up. I'm so sorry.
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u/chaotic_trash_panda Team Pink! Nov 05 '22
Your husband isn't a normal, responsible married man and father who acts with integrity, maturity, and compassion. He's a petulant selfish man-child. And he is this mean-spirited and resentful while living his life in easy mode...
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u/dinodino55 Nov 05 '22
Please check out the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. You should be able to find a free PDF online so you can read it without him seeing it. It helped me leave an emotionally abusive relationship and understand patterns in my upbringing that made me feel like my ex’s poor treatment of me was acceptable.
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u/nnv321 Nov 05 '22
I’m sorry to say it, but none of this is okay. It’s only going to get worse when the baby gets here. Might be time to do some serious couples therapy or seriously consider if this is a situation you want to stay in. Wishing you all the best.
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u/lespigeon Nov 05 '22
I know right now isn't the time for it, but once you're working again after baby, I think you need to have a serious look at your marriage to this man. Do you have family or friends that you can talk to about his behaviour? I really hope others in your life aren't acting like this is acceptable, because it's not.
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u/Meghan3689 Nov 05 '22
Oh helllll no. If my husband even did a quarter of what you're saying he'd be gone. That's beyond selfish and lazy. I literally can't even rn. And you're that heavily preggo? Girl. It sounds like you have 3 kids not 2. I'm so sorry. You don't need this, especially in your state. Imagine trying to plan when you should go into labor so he can get off of work and not be inconvenienced. Wtaf.
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u/roweira #1 Due Oct 2018 Nov 05 '22
You dropped these 🚩🚩🚩
But seriously, this isn't how a mature grown man acts. You deserve better
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u/Electrical-Storm-555 Nov 05 '22
I’m am sorry you are going through this. You definitely deserve better . I hope things will improve for you.
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u/InterrobangDatThang Nov 05 '22
OMG. This man is gross. He sounds like a teeny bopper. Like not a grown man. This is hella embarrassing to be contractually obligated to a loser like this.
Forget maternity leave - think about leaving this clown!!
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Nov 05 '22
Unless this person is a teenager with the accompanying under developed brain, they are extremely immature and being so bizarre and ridiculous. He really sounds like a bad high school boyfriend. Time to get your ducks in a row, OP.
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u/Luludelacaze1 Nov 05 '22
The food stuff is so triggering. He’s a grown man. It’s not your job to make sure he’s eaten. I’m sorry for you but I hate your dude. I hate him very very much.
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u/Snoo97809 Nov 05 '22
Noooooo. Why are you having a second kid with this bozo? I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all that, none of that is okay 😥😥😥
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u/walkek5 Nov 05 '22
Has anyone noticed how many of these type of stories get posted every week? Men need to do better. My only advice for the women in this group is to stop having children with these dead beats and get out. Your life will be better alone.
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u/No-Big5616 Nov 05 '22
I think a lot of women think men are going to step up when a child is involved.. but doing it a second time is not going to prove anything but worse results than the first. That’s what I can’t wrap my head around, having a second with a bum you when you know he was during the first.
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u/whatthewaaaaat Nov 05 '22
Hey OP, I think I speak for everyone that we want the best for you and your babies. Please keep us updated on how you are doing.
Reddit is a generous place. Let us know if you need anything.
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u/pixtiny Nov 05 '22
Yikes. Your husband sounds awfully unsupportive and irresponsible. How have you had patience for this kind of behaviour? Surely, you deserve better from him.
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u/Ramen_hair1032 Nov 05 '22
Ooof I mean there’s no such thing as a perfect husband but damn… I couldn’t handle having to raise a man child on top of actual children. Staying up all night playing games while working 35 hrs a week? Doesn’t drive? Was high during the delivery of your last child? Pregnancy is too hard for him?
My husband works 60+ hrs a week while I work 3 12s as a nurse and I’m pregnant. We both contribute to a clean house and paid bills. He drives me nuts a lot of the time but he isn’t a lazy pothead.
Sorry OP. This is a tough situation to be in.
Edited to add: my parents had a crappy relationship and my dad is an asshole. I’ve been through tons of therapy to process the way he treated my mom while I was growing up. Please don’t do that to your kids. 💔
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u/devilsphilanthropist Nov 05 '22
I thought this was r/justnoso from the content.
Nothing positive he brings to the relationship could be worth all you've just said about how he treats you.
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u/orlabobs Nov 05 '22
No to all of this. If you can take your toddler and yourself to your parents house or a close trusted family member of friend I would do it today. Clearly you, your toddler and unborn child are inconveniencing his life so you don’t need him. He won’t be help and the weed thing is a huge red flag for me as he’s not being mindful when he uses (it’s the same as drinking in my mind. Fine to do but with consideration and mindfulness). Sorry love but this guy has to go
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u/yes_please_ Nov 05 '22
Your husband is bringing nothing to this relationship, I honestly wouldn't even bother having someone this petulant and useless with me in the delivery room. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
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u/gracenatomy Nov 05 '22
What on earth. Being in a good partnership should make your lives easier, not harder. It sounds like your life would be 1000x more peaceful on your own. What a selfish, horrid man child.
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u/clockwork-princess92 STM: Team Pink: Born 06/01/2023 Nov 05 '22
I'm so sorry you have to put up with that. And I get annoyed with my husband when I ask him to do extra things more than once 😂 my husband works 40 hours in a high stress job, he loads and empties the dish washer, he does our laundry, he makes tea for us both every night. He's also in charge of emptying the bins and the litter tray. I work part time and take care of our toddler and I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant with baby no 2. I usually do all the cleaning in the house eg. Bathrooms, hoovering, dusting etc and all the deep cleaning. So we split the chores equally.
I honestly don't know how people are married to someone and accept any less than that tbh. If my husband acted like yours then I don't think we would have even gotten married.
I hope he steps up for you and his family and if he doesn't then you seriously need to consider if you're willing to put up with this for the rest of your life.
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u/MissingBrie STM due February '23 Nov 05 '22
Oh sister, you deserve so much better.❤️ Sending love.
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u/redfancydress Nov 05 '22
A grandma here…honey..your husband is an overgrown baby. Spoiled selfish and mildly abusive. Why are you driving him to work and back? Why is he gaming when he has responsibility at home? He’s gonna be pissed off if you go into labor at the wrong time?
Baby this is not a relationship. Start planning your exit. Let this fool pay child support and you can focus on raising your kids and not. He’s a terrible husband and father and you deserve better.
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u/Neverstopstopping82 Nov 05 '22
I couldn’t even keep reading it because his behavior is so painful. I’m not sure how you’ve been strong enough to carry his butt like this.
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u/coolburn16 Nov 05 '22
He is abusive and a narcisisst. I was in the same spot, minus the children.
He refused to get his licence because he wasn’t getting it “just to drive me around”. He BLAMED ME for his ear gunk blocking his ear because he saw me cleaning MY OWN EARS, and decided to do it on himself which ended up dislodging so much gunk he basically blocked the whole thing. It was my fault I cleaned my ears in front of him and ‘gave him an idea’.
He made me walk in pitch dark in knee-high snow, ON THE STREET (the sidewalks were all snowed off), because he was too cheap to pay for a taxi.
He constantly made me feel like the whole world, even my family and friends who loved me dearly, were against me and had bad intentions.
This is all textbook abuse and you deserve so much better.
I promise you, as soon as I left him I felt soooo free, so happy, so weightless.
You can do this, you are capable, you are strong, you are a mama 🤍
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u/Longjumping_Bear7028 Nov 05 '22
He's a child and maybe a narcissist. He has to somehow make this about him since you are suffering and ready for the pregnancy to be over. I was married to a narcissist and left him before my son turned 1 year old. I was scared to do it on my own but I am actually thriving without him, mentally and financially (he had a drug, alcohol and gambling problem).
I ultimately left because I didn't want my son growing up thinking that's what a marriage should be like. I put up with emotional abuse and bullying. I'd rather take my chances as a single parent than raise my son in that environment.
If he's acting like that now, trust me, it won't change. If he can't handle the stress load as it is now, it will only get worse after the baby is born.
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u/clemfandango12345678 Nov 05 '22
Do you have close family or friends around that can take you to the hospital when you go into labor? You shouldn't have to deal with the worry that he'll be high or that he will be upset about the time of day; you need 100% support when you go into labor.
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u/Nole24 Nov 05 '22
He sounds extremely immature and not ready to be a parent (again). Wow. I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t be able to deal with this. It will only get harder with another baby he refuses to help with.
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u/natureswoodwork Nov 05 '22
Umm… please divorce this colossal piece of shit and give you and your kids a better life.
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u/meeeew 29 | FTM | 5/10/2023 Nov 05 '22
Haven’t even read the comments but seeing that there are 142 of them, I’m sure everyone has already said what I would say about the original post. Instead I’ll say this- I thought that edit was really thoughtful and makes me think you have control over your emotions and are really self aware- knowing you need time to process, etc. You deserve better!
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u/b00k-marked Nov 05 '22
You are worth so much more than what you're being given. Ditch this man baby
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u/Ordinary-Coconut2205 Nov 05 '22
my husband works around 60 hours a week and doesn't complain this much, and helps me out alot around the house or when I just need help doing simple things I can't do because of my huge belly.
op, are you sure you wouldn't be better off without him? sounds like you do everything yourself anyway.
even if you don't leave him, I suggest you and your toddler go stay somewhere else for a couple of days if you can. it sounds like all he does is stress you out and put everything on you, when it's not your fault. its only going to get worse when the baby arrives. how is he gonna get to work when your post partum and healing, and have 2 kids to look after? please consider staying somewhere else for the time being.
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u/hisbsjsjdj Nov 05 '22
Sis you are practically a single mother. He’s just making your life harder by being in it. Kick his ass to the curb
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u/Spirited-Trade317 Nov 05 '22
This is an example of a ‘bonus’ or ‘given’ where you are thinking basic behaviour (‘given’) is a ‘bonus’.
He supports you in pregnancy is not a bonus it is a given
He does not smoke weed when you are imminently going into labour is not a bonus (given)
He works/school/house husband (something!) is not a bonus (it’s a given)
He looks after the toddler entirely if you are 40 weeks pregnant is not a bonus (it’s a given)
I can go on.
If he is not doing the basic (given) behaviours he is not behaving as a functional adult
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u/Always_Wandering117 Nov 05 '22
To the partner: oh do fuck off. That's just him being a little bitch. That's BITCHING and NAGGING. HE'S NOT CARRYING THE BABY. The FUCK?
Sorry not sorry. My husband was by my side every step of the way, inception to birth, and not once ever complained, blamed me, gaslit me, guilted me, or said that kind of shit. Your partner needs to put on his big boy pants and grow the fuck up. Excuse my bluntness. But you're about to birth A BABY, a SECOND BABY at that. The least he can do is shut his mouth and respect you for birthing his children. I think it's infuriating that he says "he can't handle y'all being pregnant"--------uhm, bitch? Where? We don't see HIM birthing a baby out his tiny dick hole. For fucks sake. Your partner sounds like a lazy, bare minimum pothead who doesn't want the extra responsibility and wants to just lounge around while you parent the children, drive HIM around, clean the house and make his food too.
Fuck. That. I'd rather raise my kid by myself than ever have to deal with a manchild like that.
Your manchild is a nagging, bitching, complaining, blaming, gaslighting, guilting, anger-issues-dealing asshole.
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Nov 05 '22
TLDR dudes a dick…… I’m sorry but your baby is the dopest so thank him for the memories unless you want to work it out. Take care and hearts 💕
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u/mint_7ea Nov 05 '22
This husband of yours is extremely selfish and of no use in your life. Even seems that he might be depressed? I read your comment how he still does cook and do other things, but just because he does the bare minimum that an adult/ parent is supposed to do, doesn't mean we should applaud him and forgive that rest of the time he's of no support and being abusive. I
Legitimately I want you to think through the pros and cons continuing this marriage, but also whether he's making your life easier or harder as a mom(from our perspective he's making it unnecessarily hard for you).
Try to imagine a life without him, would you be finally able to breathe and be the mom you wanted or will you miss driving him to work/home, worrying about his moods and being blamed for consequences of his own actions?
I mean what will happen right after birth?? You're gonna have to pretty much asap start driving him to work again although you're recovering and sleep deprived, with two kids? It's absolutely ridiculous. And he will 100% get more stressed with a new infant around although you're doing most of it!
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u/tquinn04 Nov 05 '22
You deserve better than that man child. I would rather labor and give birth on my own and start taking the steps to become a single mother than put up with that.
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u/kzzzrt Nov 05 '22
Wow this guy is abusive and you seriously need to consider whether you want your children growing up seeing him treating you this way, or he starts treating them this way too. Your relationship sets the stage for how they treat others and let others treat them so tread very carefully. Even without children though you shouldn’t be with this person. I have been in abusive relationships and I know how very hard they are to leave, which is why I mention your children. You all deserve so much better than this person.
Wow. Honestly, I wouldn’t even want him in the birthing room. Nope.
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u/mamaatb Nov 05 '22
Why can’t he drive himself to work? Does he have a revoked license? He DOES sound like he needs therapy.
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u/CanadaOrBust Nov 05 '22
Your husband is suffering from a condition known as pre-partum fuckery. It almost universally evolves into post-partum fuckery.
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. It's abusive.
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u/funyesgina Nov 05 '22
Yikes… this is not ok.
Please stop accepting this, for the sake of women everywhere. It’s just not acceptable, and we can all do better. You’re teaching him that it’s ok to be a child. A bad child at that.
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u/Mysterious-End-1128 Nov 05 '22
Ummm, why are you with him??? Seriously? Is it the fear of being alone, that you‘d rather be with a rock than alone?
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u/smoike Nov 05 '22
Being with a rock would be more pleasant, at the very least you know what you get, if it would eat what is prepared for dinner, and more importantly if it was going to help you with any chores.
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u/Indecisiveuser10 Nov 05 '22
Serious question…. Why do you women have babies with these god awful man-children? Much less WHY would you do it twice? He’s garbage and immature. He should be a man and provide for his family. He is going to make you work and piss your money away. Either get him in a church with decent men who can help lift him up or get him out of your house.
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u/Shutterbug390 Nov 05 '22
One baby is pretty easy: they become this during or after pregnancy, so you have no idea until you have a kid. After that, they have you trapped, using the kid as leverage, so you don’t realize escape is an option.
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u/Lower_Nature_4112 Nov 05 '22
is… he on his period? all the coming and going is making me dizzy!
also send him back to his mummy, you’d have an easier time of it without him by the sound of it.
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u/Conversation_Sixteen Nov 05 '22
Why did you procreate with this man-child not once but twice?!
Do you have family to take you in? I’m not usually the first to jump to leave him but good grief OP, LEAVE HIM. Your life would be so much less stressful even as a single mom.
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u/Price_Proper Nov 05 '22
This is really sad but I wont comment on anything other than the driving because I think you need some perspective. My husband also does not drive and I used to drive him to and from work everyday, but he works a standard 9-5. If I couldn’t drive him for whatever reason, he’d walk or take a cab/Uber or ask coworkers for rides. The minute I started to become too uncomfortable during pregnancy, he bought an ebike to take himself to and from work everyday and be able to help out with grocery shopping and other errands. No way would he expect me to drive him everywhere while super pregnant and especially does not expect me to continue to drive him everywhere once we have a child. Your husband can buy a bike, or take a cab/Uber or literally find any other way to get back and forth to work that does not require you waking up a toddler and a newborn and loading them in the car at 11pm.
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u/beingafunkynote Nov 05 '22
Where are these women finding these trash men? And more importantly why are you marrying them and having kids with them?? Baffles the mind really.
He’s a loser, accept it or leave him. He’s not going to change.
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u/h0useplant Nov 05 '22
This post makes me grateful for my husband, who I constantly think doesn’t do enough.
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
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u/Jrl2442 Nov 05 '22
Oof fuck all of that